A lot of guys today act like planning dates, paying, or “entertaining” women is some kind of feminist psy-op. But that story ignores a reality of why men traditionally court and put effort into dating women, because it produces better results.

Men and women tend to get horny differently. When men are bored, sex is the entertainment. For women, they generally need to already be having fun before they want to have sex. That's why coffee dates are often criticized over dinner and drinks--not just because its low effort, Its just harder to feel sexual feelings towards someone after coffee than in a well lit chic restaurant with drinks flowing.

This is also why the whole “why do I have to plan everything?” complaint misses the point. you’re doing it because being fun to be around makes women more open to you sexually in the first place. That’s the tradeoff men used to understand intuitively.

And yeah, you can insist on 50/50, low effort, no courting, no paying, no leading. You’re totally allowed to do that, it’s just harder to pull off if you actually want results.

There’s a reason less partying, less going out, and more homebody dating has coincided with less sex and fewer relationships. Removing fun from the equation removes a lot of what is fun about dating for women, which in turn makes them less interested in dating.