Would you marry again?

nateacox · 2023-06-11T22:07:47+00:00

No fuckin way

iamnotyoutoday · 2023-06-11T20:09:50+00:00

people change. situations change. its to be expected. what I put into and got out of the marriage was no longer good enough so I chose the divorce.

you've got to ask yourself if you can roll with the changes. honestly.

I would not recommend it and please do not bring kids in an uncertain situation. an opinion.

ymmv.

idiskfla · 2023-06-11T22:00:10+00:00

My ex of 12 years changed seemingly overnight. All was fine and then she got a new job and pay raise and bam, cheats on me within 3 months of her new job.

People are emotional. Women especially. Loyalty isn’t what it used to be. Hypergamy is real esp in a world of social media and abundance and unfair divorce laws.

50% of marriages end in divorce. Women initiate 80% of divorces.

If you’re gonna get married:

Get a prenup and use a good lawyer.
Have your parents sign over assets you will eventually inherit to you now. Get those included in the prenup. If you inherit assets while married, they are communal property.
Make sure she works and has an income. This way, if she divorces you, you won’t be on the hook for significant amounts of alimony in perpetuity. Hire nannies, housecleaners, gardeners, etc. if necessary. She needs to earn an income, too.
Track every expense once you’re married. Don’t pay for her grad education, nursing degrees, etc. Those loans / tuition should be under her name, not yours.
If you have kids, all bets are off and the possibility of child support is real.
Study her family and her closest friends. Do you click? Do you trust them? She will take these people’s advice before yours if she has any doubts while married to you.
If you get married and then aren’t feeling it, get divorced as quickly as possible. Alimony increases the longer you’re married.
Keep some assets to yourself. High end baseball cards, gold, diamonds, jewelry, crypto, etc. keep them in a safety deposit box or wallet that only you can access. Put your parents, not her, in the will.
Approach marriage with the idea that nothing is forever. It’s just your turn.
Some states are better for marriage / divorce than others. In some states, you’re liable for child support up to 21+ and possibly longer if kids are in school past that age. Do your research.

This stuff might sound cruel and calculating, but incentives affect outcomes. I have uncles and a brother who did a lot of these things, and they have healthy marriages and sleep well at night. I also have relatives and coworkers who “believed in the power of love,” and got screwed in the end.

Another alternative strategy: An affluent friend of mine recently bought his “wife” close to $120k+ in jewelry (wedding ring, necklaces, etc.) and treated the entire family to a lavish ceremony in Southeast Asia. Even bought nice gifts for the in laws and cousins. But he didn’t technically get married to her. They just had a spiritual ceremony with rings exchanged but nothing legal was signed. He stipulated in his will that if he died of natural causes, she will get the majority of his wealth and life insurance. If unnatural, she will only get a small percentage of will and life insurance, and most will go to parents and siblings. She and her family are happy enough because they had a luxurious ceremony with all the photos for Facebook, etc. for perceptions sake. When they have kids, he’ll obviously pay child support if things fall apart. But she won’t get a dime besides CS if she divorces him. He created incentives that encourage a long “marriage” and discourage her leaving him. He paid it forward through high-end gifts and maintains it with different incentives.

In his view, if she leaves tomorrow, he out less than a year’s salary, but that’s it.

(He says it works because as long as her friends think she’s married, she doesn’t care. She just didn’t want the stigma of being unmarried when she got older. She has a lifestyle her friends are envious of, and he has a situation where he never has to worry about losing half of what he earns.)

softinvest · 2023-06-11T22:28:51+00:00

No. Never. Date, if you want, but never ever marry again. Letting the justice system control your fate will end in disaster. Ill be happy alone

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-06-11T21:39:51+00:00

Never getting married again, going through a divorce is prob the most lonely thing I’ve ever went through. I wouldn’t mind being in a ltr. If she wants to move in with me I’m going to draw up a contract where she need to contribute to half the bills and chores.

mauimikes · 2023-06-11T23:16:54+00:00

No point in getting married at all (for a man)

kpark1996 · 2023-06-11T20:16:47+00:00

My 2 cents.

Being in a GOOD marriage is better than being single or divorced. Being divorced is superior to being in a bad marriage. So, if I knew for sure my next marriage would be good, I'd do it again.

The issue for me is that I'm actually quite happy being divorced. I have a happy and fulfilling life. Couple that with the bad memories of my failed marriage and I'm not exactly running to get remarried.

If I had to get remarried, the one thing I would look for above all others is this - does this woman want me to be happy? Like, genuinely wants me to be happy. Wants it to the point she will sacrifice some of her own needs for me, because it brings her joy to see me have a good life. If I could be sure that's the case, then I'd do it, and I'd reciprocate to her.

azwildcat74 · 2023-06-11T20:27:14+00:00

No, I wouldn’t (and won’t), personally. Marriage is obsolete, there’s no reason someone should financially benefit from spending time with someone else. If I had it to do over again I would absolutely have had my kids still but just would’ve not married. When we parted ways I would’ve kept the fruits of my labor and she would’ve been left with what she worked for (nothing). You’re going to pay child support either way so fuck it, why pay more.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-06-12T02:24:39+00:00

I will not marry again in any western country. It's a dangerous game for a man. If you're comfortable with having a 50% chance of divorce, losing your kids, being put on supervised access, your kids crying to see you but the woman you once loved forbids it, then go for it.

If you comfortable living pay check to paycheck bc of child support + alimony you will be forced to pay (or be put in jail) then go for it.

BaldieGoose · 2023-06-12T04:22:30+00:00

I don't even think I want to live with a woman again or commit in a big way to any kind of relationship with a woman ever again. It's not worth the time suck and hassle and nagging that I can avoid just living on my own efficiently, and I don't ever want to go through this whole vicious cycle again where she starts out amazing then becomes an alien after wasting 10 years of my life. Second marriages have even worse statistics, and I'm a pretty big numbers guy. Nah, no 2nd marriage here for sure.

No_Analyst_5235 · 2023-06-11T22:35:56+00:00

No fucking way .. never .. not under these laws and the way society holds god damn parades for women who divorce like they are super heroes for gutting their family. .. you go girl.. take him for everything as they play the perpetual victim .

Women, their family and friends will pressure you to marry them and then right after you do , they will immediately start devaluing you. 80 -90% of divorces are initiated by women .

There is no vetting of a woman. They act on their emotions and they have a hive mentality. No matter how solid your marriage is , all it will take is one friend , one argument or one innocuous element .

I laugh at people married 20 years saying how solid and great it is . I thought we were solid until we weren’t after 30 years

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-06-11T23:18:03+00:00

Only way I’m getting married again is if she makes as much or close to as much money as I make and she has wealthy parents who will leave her a big estate.

tjrunnion · 2023-06-12T01:18:23+00:00

Date her for at least two years. Then live together for another 2 years then ask.

What you tube channel Strong Seccessful Man.

Prenuptial with a good lawyer

If you are willing to lose and be labeled over half your assets and be called loser, a**hole, worthless, your sex life made fun of. Plus now matter what it will always be your fault. Then marry

Just remember that we live a hook up culture now.

Fearless-Ball4474 · 2023-06-11T20:55:32+00:00

Have a wedding and a few parties, but don't sign a marriage certificate.

clarkr10 · 2023-06-11T20:51:53+00:00

I’ll never get married again, and if I could go back I wouldn’t have gotten married. Men have so much more to lose than women.

If it’s worth it to you to lose essentially everything you have, and give it to her when she decides she’s bored of you, then go for it. (Also, before you think she’ll never get bored if you, me and thousands in this sub were 1000% sure of the same thing at one point).

My advice….go to the divorce sub and read the reasons the women are getting divorced vs the reason men do.

Women will initiate divorce essentially because they’re bored when you really boil it down.

Men initiate divorce after years of cheating and abuse.

TheRealDrWan · 2023-06-11T21:01:50+00:00

Absolutely not.

My divorce was quite amicable. Friends have said “that’s how you should do it” and “you two are outliers” regarding our continued positive relationship.

But it was still painful as hell, I cannot imagine the pain and anguish if our relationship was contentious.

No one should ever marry. Be with the person that you want to be with. Try to make a happy life together. There is no reason to complicate it with the convention of marriage.

koolaidkid12345 · 2023-06-12T03:15:27+00:00

When you're younger.. often the idea of marriage means you getting laid every day, someone to wake up to, share life with, etc.

As you get older, usually make a bit more money, refine your lifestyle, and so on.. you typically dont need the marriage as much as companionship, hence some go with GFs for decades, some dont even move in (though most do with in a year or so.. to cut costs).

I will say most people here seem to say they will never remarry and many wont even try dating. Me personally.. wont ever remarry.. not going down that path again.. but if the right lady comes along.. I'll entertain dating.

IAIM2023 · 2023-06-12T14:11:12+00:00

Just tread carefully and don’t let the love goggles deter you from protecting your assets before hand. I am separated, about to be divorced but I can see myself remarrying at some point. I’m in my mid-late 30s with no kids so have an itch to start a family. Just have to be really careful who I pick and make sure my home does not become a marital asset in the future.

Be weary of women that want their cake and eat it too. They alternate from feminist to traditional when it suits them and see themselves as entitled Cleopatras that use men for their own gain. These women are abundant these days.

acg34 · 2023-06-11T22:03:05+00:00

I divorced at 59. I wouldn’t get married again. I married the wrong person, but we have 3 great kids. So I wouldn’t change a thing.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2023-06-11T22:45:41+00:00

No.

I mean when I really think about it and if I was to meet a lady that hit all the items on my needs and wants checklist, such as being emotionally stable, supportive, low maintenance, physically fit, leads an active lifestyle, loved my kids, had the same spiritual beliefs as me, had somewhat similar political beliefs as me, did not have any serious debt and was aligned with my saving, spending and investing mindset, enjoyed some of the same hobbies as I do but also had her own hobbies, was aware of and would show me love in the Love Languages that I prefer, communicated in a straightforward manner, did not expect me to read her mind or get her “hints”, was not manipulative, was loyal and so on and so forth… still no.

Haha, but seriously if she had all that and was under 30 and was Latina or Asian… still no.

Barkaat · 2023-06-11T20:33:41+00:00

Never get married again. Have a kid without marriage and don’t sign that death trap paper called marriage

onthisthing_ · 2023-06-11T23:34:34+00:00

Fuck

hikeruntravellive · 2023-06-11T21:19:12+00:00

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! Hell no! Legal marriage offers no upside to men these days especially if they are marrying someone who earns less than them. It puts you at extreme financial risk of total ruin and at 30 or 40 years old we can't afford to make that mistake again.

You don't need the legal document in order to have a relationship with a woman. You can cohabitate and even have children while maintaining separate accounts and finances so that you do not expose yourself financially to get taken again.

If a woman is not willing to be with you because she "needs" the paper then that should be a warning sign and you should run away fast.

turbor · 2023-06-12T01:52:45+00:00

You’re on a divorce for men subreddit. What answers are you expecting here? We’ve all been burned to the point that we hate the system and see a failure in modern women. It sucks.

That said, I’m 5 years out. Love being a dad. Closer to my son than I would have been otherwise. Still. I’m not happy. Not as happy as I was the years I was married. It’s frustrating. We all want our person. Our partner. The yin to the yang. Top comment is probably the most sound advice one could give.

Electrical-Form7735 · 2023-06-11T21:34:32+00:00

Nope

Fun-Possible7676 · 2023-06-11T22:28:27+00:00

Unless your religion demands it, there is no reason to marry

xjeeperx · 2023-06-12T00:48:31+00:00

StoneyRocksInMySocks · 2023-06-12T01:19:53+00:00

Hell naw! To the naw, naw, naw!

Glad_Chemical · 2023-06-12T04:22:23+00:00

Oh hell no

Longhorn9801 · 2023-06-12T04:30:40+00:00

Hell to the fucking no

NilEntity · 2023-06-12T04:33:48+00:00

I don't think I'll ever marry again.

I hope to have a (more) fulfilling relationship, maybe a lasting one, at some point again, because I did enjoy being in a relationship.
But I have to change as well for the next relationship to be better, I definitely made myself dependent on her, which isn't healthy for either side.

I get why she wasn't happy (or rather became that way, we started out well), as far as her perception, my behavior etc. go (some of it true, some of it overblown, some of it down to her own issues), but I don't get why she didn't care enough to try to save our marriage but has already.
But I see no point in being married again.
We're pretty much the only people in our group of friends etc. that are married and are the first/only ones to get divorced.

ABBucsfan · 2023-06-12T04:47:04+00:00

I look at it this way. The chances of everything going well even decades down the road is very small.. and what's the best case scenario? It's not some Disney ending. Best case it you stay enough out if each other's way, you're familiar, you're a team. At some point it isn't exciting anymore.

On the other hand the chances that you'll either divorce or tough it out are very high and the consequences are life changing.. set you back years, damage your mental health, you might have a hard time enjoying your job etc. Worst is when you have kids because you go days without seeing them and you may go years without being able to save much of anything.. that and you may have to watch your kid struggle with it and need counselling. One bright spot from my marriage is having them though. Pretty much the only reason one might consider it.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-06-12T08:59:28+00:00

HELL FUCKING NO.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-06-11T22:07:38+00:00

No. Marriage is very risky if you are the higher earner. If it’s with a woman that makes more or the same than you it’s less risky but most women don’t date down unless you are really good looking.

If you are the higher earner at some point they can just decide you aren’t doing the dishes enough or doing whatever and they can still take your income, retirement, equity in the house while they can go on dating apps and get 100 matches.

There is also no penalty for adultery so they can date and have sex with anyone they want once they hit that 7 year mark and decide they are bored. You want to yell at them for having sex with your best friend? Watch out for a false domestic violence charge and possible criminal record.

I worked hard through college, grad school and at work for a dancer then hairdresser to take around $90,000 and have sex with my old best friend after 7 years. She was like YOLO!!!

I guess if you want to get married look into protecting your assets and that includes future pay checks because family law will garnish your wages like you are some criminal to support the lower earner.

Wedding vows ARE NOT REAL, but the binding contract of family law is. People may love you one day then a few years later they change and now their co worker is their “soul mate”. Then they will blame you and smear you.

Look in the surviving infidelity forums, these people go through this stuff daily. I think part of it is just human evolution.

My parents are still married though and that worked so I guess it can work but it’s risky.

rhett342 · 2023-06-11T23:55:16+00:00

I don't even feel like I could really date again.

Bipolar_investor · 2023-06-11T21:10:58+00:00

1- Marry, but know your options

2- Don't marry but know what you're giving up on.

You never lose until you play.

A_StableGenius · 2023-06-11T22:42:05+00:00

No way.

BuddhistChrist · 2023-06-11T23:06:10+00:00

Unless there’s a clearly and explicitly outlined prenuptial agreement, Hell. Fuck. No.

aerial_coitus · 2023-06-11T23:10:35+00:00

Would you marry again?

No.

smitty537 · 2023-06-11T23:31:22+00:00

People change as time goes on and if you're both not changing in the same direction then Divorce is going to happen because one or both of you is going to unhappy.

My wife changed when she decided she wanted an open relationship but forgot to inform me. It hurts but you get over it.

Keep reading this subreddit, everyday there are 5/10 new story's.

OfficialNichols · 2023-06-12T00:38:00+00:00

Mine started good then crashed downhill It seems her true self wasn't revealed until the ring was received then all hell broke loose I felt manipulated tried to stay for the kids but I started feeling overwhelmed and depressed constantly sick it ate me up bad sad part is I'm still here 😢

Afroviking1 · 2023-06-12T02:45:04+00:00

I would get married again....in another country to a non-western woman.

No-Lake1172 · 2023-06-12T03:40:31+00:00

Even if she is the right person right now, who knows if she is the right person in 10, 20 or 30 years. People aren’t static, people develop, and if you don’t develop in a similar direction, the chances are high that you don’t want to stay together with her forever. Maybe marry when you are 65, so she gets those social security benefits if you die, but that’s it.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-06-12T03:46:26+00:00

Lol, no.

boltmaker12 · 2023-06-12T04:49:27+00:00

Marriage is nothing more than an agreement to the state to get involved in your personal life and disperse your things back to you or your spouse when you split up. I think marriage is a good thing but I'm not sure why we ever let the state get involved. You both get to know each other, you both get to know each other's families, you are all in agreement that this is a good step for each other. After that you can have a little ceremony or do t even get that fancy. If I was to say for example "marriage is between a man and a woman", then why do we also involve a sounty clerk for the license, a minister, and then use the power of the state to pronounce them man and wife? Sounds to me like there is a lot more involved that just a man and women.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-06-12T05:01:59+00:00

Hell no!!!! I’d rather cut off my own balls than marry again.

DetailRedacted · 2023-06-12T05:36:21+00:00

Marriage isn't the problem, people are the problem, marriage just makes it harder to end a relationship with a problem person. I'd absolutely get married again - with the right person and all the things I have learnt about me and what I need in tow.

Wld_N_frE · 2023-06-12T10:50:37+00:00

Specialist-Holiday61 · 2023-06-12T13:07:16+00:00

Why would you want the state government involved in your love life?

The government takes way too much taxes, makes laws for us, tells us the land we buy we dont truly own(property taxes) and then you want them to tell you where your dick needs to go??

Bro, stop watching hollywood and think with logic. Can’t go wrong there. Good luck!

tinrooster2005 · 2023-06-12T13:12:27+00:00

No. The main problem as I see it is risk. How do you guarantee that the person you marry or yourself will remain the same person over the next 40 years. You won't. In some cases like mine the person you date and the person you are married to are completely different people. I have one overarching rule in my life now and it is if there is a way to achieve something without uncle sam being involved that is the best course of action.

titoclav · 2023-06-12T13:37:29+00:00

I'm 39M divorced at the begging it was all good then she flip the script after wanting a child and for the next 10 years she abounded me emotionally, physically so I ended marriage after 14 years, My advice make sure you truly know yourself and what you want before getting married, once you do then make sure the person you choose you can stand with through good and bad and then maybe it might work

soontobesolo · 2023-06-12T15:07:35+00:00

Absolutely not. And I'd discourage men from getting married. It's a bad deal for us, legally.

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-06-12T17:01:39+00:00

If you put a gun to my head and said I have to get married… I’ll pull the trigger myself.

JSNTFS · 2023-06-12T18:39:16+00:00

I'm 80%+ no on this question but if I did get married again there are a number of conditions that would have to be met.

1.) She has to have a good job. When I got divorced I was spared financial pain because my ex-wife made more money than I did.

2.) No kids. I don't want to have them, I'm not marrying someone who wants them and I'm not marrying someone who already has them.

3.) I would need to make sure that we have good sexual compatibility after the New Relationship Energy has worn off. Having good sex is easy for the first year of a relationship. Keeping things going after that first year is the real test.

4.) I will never, ever enter a relationship with someone who has mental health issues or who takes/has taken antidepressants. I actually think my marriage would have worked if it wasn't for her starting to take SSRIs. Going forward I would only marry someone who is as strongly opposed to taking those kinds of drugs as I am.

DadVader77 · 2023-06-12T21:40:15+00:00

Fuck. I don’t even know when I’ll date again, let alone get married.

uglyasf340lbs · 2023-06-12T21:51:25+00:00

Court a blow up doll. Don’t get married

ViolentTakeByForce · 2023-06-12T00:03:15+00:00

As a Christian, I would not get a government marriage license but I would do all necessary actions to have a scripturally sound covenant. Scripture has never stated that we need to jump through these hoops, reduce our ability to protect ourselves as men, and involve the government into our marriage bed.

Funny how most women will get upset at men for the idea of adding a third party to their marriage but are fine with the government. I wonder if it’s because they are the sole beneficiaries?

And in the US women are most likely to be the beneficiaries of child support, so they want more than just their kids being provided for.

orussell03 · 2023-06-11T21:20:46+00:00

Why can't you just live together. Depending on the state, you'll be considered married after, typically 5yrs. DON'T SIGN THE PAPERS!.

As for the children, married or not, the custody battle is the same. You don't get any exclusive rights just because you are married.

Neversexsit · 2023-06-11T21:30:02+00:00

Of course! I am never opposed to it, but it isn't my priority. Right now I aim to finish up my B.S degree and providing for my children. If something happens or someone comes along, then I am game.

Alatornio · 2023-06-11T23:56:33+00:00

Only if I couldn't lose anything... which is impossible if you live together where I live.

Have to find a woman first!

redshoetom · 2023-06-12T00:35:36+00:00

captainchippsixx · 2023-06-12T01:03:12+00:00

You could, but I would wait like 4 years of dating and then 1 year minimum living together. And then prenup. Lol

DivorcingThroway · 2023-06-12T01:37:05+00:00

Hell no. Never again.

Adventurous-Box-745 · 2023-06-12T01:41:18+00:00

One_Parking16 · 2023-06-12T03:36:22+00:00

I'm still married, and I would recommend it. Unless you want children.

WestCoastThing · 2023-06-12T04:37:10+00:00

No. Oops, I meant NO!

Be aware you've found the most biased crowd there is.

LobstersMateForLife · 2023-06-12T04:44:08+00:00

At this point in m life, I have no desire or plans to ever get married again. Things could change one day, but it would take A LOT for me to ever let myself be that vulnerable with someone again.

For me, this marriage was the first time in my entire life that I had ever been able to express my actual self and emotions. Turns out she hated it all along and now? I wouldn’t touch a woman exclusively with a 39 1/2’ pole.

1antinomy · 2023-06-12T05:04:46+00:00

Everytime guys ask this, it re-affirms that society’s programming can override all logic

There’s no incentive in getting married dude — if you’re gonna get a woman, it’s best to stay unmarried

No need to add a government-backed insurance policy on your relationship

Stryctly-speaking · 2023-06-12T06:01:47+00:00

I’m not sure, but probably not.

San_Ra · 2023-06-12T06:47:13+00:00

Probably not going to but if I live with her for more than 2 then according to the govt i am for all intensive purposes married

ThePancakeStalker · 2023-06-12T07:04:42+00:00

It was fun in the beginning, but people change.

Key_Preference_4594 · 2023-06-12T08:51:18+00:00

Nah. I mean I could but what for

UN_sensored · 2023-06-12T09:11:01+00:00

Marriage is just a racket designed to screw you over one day. You can still live the woman and do all the things married people do, just not actually go to a church or whatever and publicly declare it a marriage.

Theedon · 2023-06-12T10:29:05+00:00

I gave up trying to be a good husband to a woman the rejected me daily as her husband. She filed the divorce.

Was she the wrong one? I don't know. Life got hard for us and she didn't confide in me. She went to a shrink and misused the drugs given to her. She was trying to find something I was unable to give to her.

I enjoyed being a husband. I loved my wife enough that I put aside my needs for the family. Maybe I should have looked for a shrink too.

I miss being married. I miss having someone that has your back. I don't know if you get that with American women anymore.

I will not remarry, the amount of "getting fucked over" in the 1st divorce almost killed me and a 2nd time around it will. I learned my lesson.

What sucks is there might be a nice girl out there but I cannot trust her.

Mark_Foureh · 2023-06-12T10:44:17+00:00

Monogamy is a good idea. Marriage is a terrible idea. It is an archaic and obsolete concept.

crypto_keeper88 · 2023-06-12T11:21:38+00:00

Never!

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2023-06-12T12:15:32+00:00

Honestly I do not know.

I am completely hesitant to think that I would again. Even though I had one of the cleanest fastest mediated divorces in history I fully know what could have happened. Mentally the current iteration of marriage is literally all risk with no reward vs not being married. Any benefit has been gutted legally.

MrEgusi · 2023-06-12T12:20:04+00:00

Currently going through a divorce and I will have to say HELL FUCKING NO!

WindowFuzz · 2023-06-12T12:45:18+00:00

I think marriage is worthwhile because it creates some added degree of stability as compared to just dating or a long-term relationship without any contractual obligations. Most women, especially those who have their act together, will want to get married. So by saying, at the beginning, that you don't want to get married, most of the women you meet are inherently less stable or committed, and are thus more likely to be on a relationship roller-coaster, get disillusioned, and perpetuate the cylce.

The post by idiskfla is quite helpful and describes some useful strategies to follow. Make sure she gets a lawyer to read the prenup and sign off on it, and that she pays for it. In regards to her family, if you don't like them, tell her that you do not want to live in the same state as her family, ever, and make sure she agrees to that. In regards to gifts or estate from family, add to the prenup that all gifts are excluded from the marital estate and will return to the recipient, and that any comingling will require that the asset be sold and financially dispersed consistent with the gift allocations. A 2-3 year trial cohabitation before marriage is also a good idea.

People change during their life. There is little you can do about that except try to nudge you and your partner towards healthy behaviors (i.e., avoid binge drinking, drugs, hanging out with promiscuous friends who may tempt you towards that lifestyle, etc.). The prenup is the best you can do to protect yourself.

jjfishers · 2023-06-12T12:51:35+00:00

Hell no

occoptionplaya · 2023-06-12T13:37:05+00:00

Never ever get married. Just be in a committed relationship.

INeverSaidThat89 · 2023-06-12T13:37:45+00:00

I've decided I'd do a long-term relationship, even move in together, but never marriage.

animalx3 · 2023-06-12T13:44:36+00:00

Nope. Nothing wrong with a long term committed relationship though.

david10277 · 2023-06-12T15:55:38+00:00

You have read the stories and see what will happen if it goes sour.

None of us saw this coming..we all felt she was the one..

Life changes my friend..

Simple answer..no I would never marry agian .. Would I have a relationship with a new women yes.

I got what I wanted out of my marriage, kids, home, bbqs , family trips , there is nothing a new marriage can give me I dont already have or I didnt already experience.

This only thing is a companion...and well I dont need to get marriage to find that..see my point.

klondike36 · 2023-06-12T15:59:15+00:00

There is no reason for a modern day man to get married. Zero!!!! Don't fucking do it, Bro!!!!

After 25 years - My wife completely shit bombed our family. Moved away from all of my friends and family to start a new life in the Pacific Northwest. Great job, making great money. Bought her dream house, remodeled, added hot tub, just got things the way we want them and boom....She's not happy and can't take my shit. She filed for divorce and within two months, she is in love with one of my daughters friends dads. Real Classy Lady!!

Don't fucking do it.....25 years and I was blindsided.

Look up Walkaway Wife syndrome

Look up the Light Switch Effect

GOOD LUCK BUT DONT FUCKING DO IT!!!!

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-06-12T16:42:29+00:00

I did.

It's just connected to my value system -- and the value system of any woman I would have considered dating. Sex is prohibited outside of marriage. Divorce is discouraged except in the case of abuse and infidelity. Abuse and infidelity are penalized (i.e. for women engaging in 'hypergamy' if she leaves the marriage she gets nothing but the new man, and for men engaging in their own family-ruining crap they get 'yesterday's deal' which is continuing to pay for the family they barely get to see. Mutual divorce is possible but if it's unilateral you either walk away with nothing or you prove it's entirely the other person's fault; to get 50% of the stuff and access to kids, both parties have to agree to it).

Are you divorced because you think you messed up or you were with the wrong woman?

I was 21 when I got married the first time. Young, dumb. I married the first girl who took me seriously and showed strong affection for me. And we made it work for a decade.

She went nuts.

I mean there was always some amount of fighting and in retrospect she always had that hint of crazy but I could live with it. But at a certain point she just started thinking there were hacker ninjas living in the attic, stealing stuff nobody would have bothered with and then returning it, evading camera and motion sensor detection and erasing all traces of their existence. And when I disagreed, she escalated until she started hitting me.

I valued preserving the marriage. The marriage itself was worth something to me. So we separated for a while, then got back together . . . until she started hitting me again. Then I was done.

Now? I know what I value. I know what to look for. I know that it's not my responsibility to "make" someone "happy" and not my fault if they are unhappy, so long as I am fulfilling my obligations to provide, support and show love. I found a woman who 'gets' all of that. And it's amazing. In my first marriage, I got out way less than I put in. Barely survival in exchange for all my efforts. In this one, we're thriving. We actually have time and energy to go above and beyond, supporting hobbies and making our home enjoyable to live in.

12amrdr · 2023-06-12T17:31:13+00:00

Nope never again there is zero reason for incentive for a man to get married with today's women and society.

hillbillyswan · 2023-06-12T19:02:40+00:00

I honestly might not, even if I felt she was the "right woman," not without an ironclad prenup. If she's willing to sign the prenup then I would probably venture it, why not? You tend to regret most those shots that you don't take. I took a shot and it turned out to be the wrong shot. But if you're alive and without major health problems, you often get more than one shot as a man. I have a cousin with a 2 year old who is in his late fifties. The only prenup I would ask for is that if it can be proven that you cheated on me, you get nothing, no money, no car, no items, you just have to get the fuck out of my house. If she's not willing to agree to that, she's planning on cheating on you. A woman shouldn't be able to cheat on you and then charge you for the privilege after you leave her once you find out.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-06-12T19:35:41+00:00

Sounds like something is bugging you about her. Has she shown signs that you don't like?

Wildhouse83 · 2023-06-12T19:41:08+00:00

Would you accept a job offer where your employer is able to fire you for no reason whatsoever, no wrong doing on your own, however still being obligated to work for him but without getting paid? If you have kids, those kids will be taken away from you by said employer as well while you are obligated to pay child support without any visitation rights.

If the answer is yes, then get married, if the answer is no, do not get married.

Zardozki · 2023-06-12T21:31:39+00:00

Here's the response you expected: don't do it. Unless you're a super groovy dude that has no attachment to money or possessions and don't mind giving it all away, then go for it player. I think the buddha said attachment is the root of all suffering or some shit, so that probably means you should get married and reward your first and second wives with hundreds of thousands for fucking Jason and Dave from marketing. Bonus points await when you reach nirvana if you have some kids, get no custody or visitation and pay her alimony for the rest of your life. Have fun!

guidadave · 2023-06-12T22:01:40+00:00

I would never say “never” but I’d also be very reluctant. I think even in the best of relationships a certain amount of complacency creeps in. In a marriage where the barrier to leaving is much higher than in a non legal relationship I think that complacency is stronger. Even if it’s on a subconscious level I think that if you know your partner can leave at any moment and they know that about you then both know they need to continue to put in the effort.

rboller · 2023-06-12T22:29:02+00:00

NOPE

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2023-06-13T12:05:22+00:00

I would say this is an emphatic “NO” from me.

The divorce and all the fallout from it has left my perspective beyond repair. Or maybe better is that it’s impossible to unsee reality after being awakened to it.

Beyond the surface-level niceties, I have come to believe through my experience that anyone flirting with me is simply being nice or they want something. I also turn 50 next year and most of the women in the dating pool seem to demand the dividends that come from a long established relationship. If I can be self critical, neither my looks nor career make pussies wet.

Since I’ve already had the kids I’ve wanted, there isn’t anything I really want. My peace is a highly prized aspect of my life.

Current-Incident7858 · 2023-06-14T00:15:40+00:00

Wow!!! The responses have been quite overwhelming. As expected the majority was an emphatic NO.. I totally understand where it is coming from. I understand the risks involved in dealing with the modern day marriage system. I have to find ways to somehow subdue my desire for a wife. I wish things were different

participatin · 2023-06-14T06:45:03+00:00

Definitely.

Environmental-Gate87 · 2023-06-14T18:06:08+00:00

I don’t think so.Too risky and nothing in it for me as a man.

Akquire · 2023-06-12T17:52:03+00:00

Absolutely fucking not.

Professional-Peak935 · 2023-06-15T19:07:08+00:00

In a church, but not officially. Fuck that tax break. It aint worth this.

ranger69danger · 2023-06-11T21:51:29+00:00

No, marriage is not a good deal. Will I do it again? Yes. Sigh.

Embarrassed_Use_5114 · 2023-06-11T20:38:53+00:00

I would ask yourself (and possibly the woman) what being married would look like vs not getting married. Then decide if its worth it or something you even want. What changes to your relationship would happen day 1 of being married? How would being married benefit both of you? Is it about the title? Is it about financial security for 1 or both of you? Do you want children together?

I am a divorced woman in a LTR with a divorced man and we have tossed around the idea of getting married, but I am constantly getting hung up on the "what does being married look like vs where we are now?" When I got married the first time it was because thats just what you do after X number of years of dating, then you buy a house, have kids etc. Now we both already have kids and each have a house. We are deeply in love and want to be together 'forever' but does that mean marriage is the next step or necessary? Idk.

Title	Would you marry again?
Author	Current-Incident7858
Upvotes	27
Comments	185
Date	June 11, 2023 8:03 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1473rhj/would_you_marry_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/would-you-marry-again.1221932 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221932

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