I've known from a young age that I'm attracted to both women and men. I came out of the closet when I was 13, and only dated girls throughout high school. I didn't date men seriously until after I had graduated from college.

Now, there are definitely issues related to dating as a wlw that stem from homophobia. Like dating a woman that's still in the closet, or being afraid of how people will react (I'm talking about the possiblity of physical assault, sexual harassment) if I kiss my girlfriend in public. And there are definitely unique challenges that women face when dating men. But I want to vent about my frustrations of what it's like to date as a wlw within a society that has unfortunately conditioned all women, regardless of sexuality to assume the passive role in a relationship, and how it's opened my eyes to the dating woes of men.

Dating women is hard. Not impossibly hard if you genuinely care about the woman you're dating - of course, if you really love her it's a rewarding, pleasant and beautiful experience, but there is absolutely more effort involved in keeping a woman happy vs. a man happy.

  • The things that I did for my girlfriends that were expected by default from the women that I dated have surprised the men that I've dated. Things like picking up their favorite candy from the grocery store on the way to see them, consistently intitating sex, regularly reaching for the bill on dates, stepping outside of their cars to wipe down their windshields while they get gas and offering to carry an equal or more amount of equipment while backpacking etc... all of these things weren't standard in their previous relationships. I experienced something akin to culture shock. In a way, I was sheltered from the reality of how the average heterosexual relationship worked until my mid-twenties.
  • I get annoyed when I hear straight women complain about men asking them out on "low effort" coffee dates. Why would I drop $60 on a stranger that I met on tinder who'll most likely ghost me after a potentially awkward, long dinner date? A coffee date as a first-date isn't a sign that somebody isn't willing to take you out on more elaborate dates in the future.
  • It is harder to please a woman sexually vs. a man sexually. I'm sure there are selfish men out there who genuinely do not care about whether the woman they're having sex with comes or not, but I do believe that the majority of men struggle with bringing their female partners to orgasm because the way women come is more complex and varied vs. the way men come, not because they don't want their partners to come. Helping my female partners feel comfortable enough to open up and talk about their bodies and teach me exactly how to make them orgasm is a process. It's the rare woman who is able to come easily and without much direction provided. Penises all pretty much work the same.
  • I was told by a friend who set me up on a blind date with one of her coworkers that she had a good time on the date, but expected me to be taller, and didn't want to date a shorter girl. I burst out laughing when I heard this, but it also made me think of what it'd be like to date as a shorter guy, and how much it would suck to be turned down and made fun of over something you can't control, over and over again.

I want to make it clear that this is not a misogynistic "women have it easier in life" type of post. These are just my experiences and observations as a woman who has dated and has been in serious relationships with both genders, and I'm interested in knowing if there are other wlw who feel the same. And if not, CMV.