Why do women on dating apps ask what men do for work?

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-03-22T15:55:27+00:00

People spend 1/3 of their life at work. When you’re trying to get to know someone, it’s not unreasonable to want to know what they do with 50% of their awake time. Doesn’t mean she’s a gold digger

Clementinequeen95 · 2024-03-22T16:01:13+00:00

It’s a normal question to ask someone? I ask most people men and women what they do when I meet them? If someone didn’t ask I would be confused

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-03-22T15:57:53+00:00

All adults ask one another what they do for work because it's common small talk. Men ask men that. Women ask women that.

Old people ask young people that.

It's a simple get-to-know-you question and men's paranoia about it is baffling.

Like...which grifter is informing young men that a simple, common question from all people of all ages is a red flag?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-03-22T16:01:46+00:00

It’s an easy conversation starter.

RaidenTheBlue · 2024-03-22T16:05:37+00:00

It’s funny, the women that lead with work related conversation instead of platitudes tend to be better conversationalists generally and are typically more interested in me, even though my job is rather mid tier (I’m a glorified courier).

I think it’s just how women that are a bit more work oriented themselves behave, and isn’t necessarily indicative of gold digging or even hypergamy.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-22T16:12:03+00:00

I mean, I was never on a dating app, but I ask this question fairly early on with like all people of all genders when I'm getting to know them (yes, including women). My reasons are:

You spend anywhere from a third to half your life at work, so it's a big part of your life, I wanna know about your life. Jobs influence everything in our lives so whether I wanna date you or not, I wanna know about it. And if I'm planning to date you even more so. I dunno if I could date a firefighter for example. Not because of the money, I dunno if I could let someone I love be in that much danger.
Curiosity, plain and simple. Some people have really really interesting jobs and I wanna hear about them. By asking about jobs, I've met people who were tiger tamers in thailand, worked in engineering submarines for the army, were attorneys defending pedophiles, some were undercover police, and part of all other manner of interesting careers.
It's kind of a pretty impersonal question. So you get to know each other without it being likely you'll tread into any vulnerable territory. I'm not likely to trigger a person asking about their job like I may asking about family or love or health, etc.
Some people put a lot of work into choosing and obtaining their career so you get a lot of passion from them about it. For some, you can just bond over having a terrible job you hate. Kinda depends, right. Either way it's a good way to connect with another human. We've all had shit jobs. We all want great jobs.

MyHouseOnMars- · 2024-03-22T17:25:58+00:00

???

this is such a basic question like "where do you live" lol

there's no agenda OP

KingofRheinwg · 2024-03-22T16:07:36+00:00

I like talking about my job, it's an easy subject of conversation for most people.

purplish_possum · 2024-03-22T16:21:01+00:00

It provides the woman a lot of information quickly.

When I tell a woman that I'm a public defender in California she'll immediately know the following:

I'm smart enough to pass the hardest bar exam in the county.
I'm disciplined enough to get through 4 years of college and 3 years of law school.
I have a steady job but I'm not really motivated by money.
I have a sense of fairness and social justice -- that I'm very unlikely to be a Trump/MAGA Republican (I'm most certainly not).

With one question the first date interview is half over.

Barneysparky · 2024-03-22T15:51:11+00:00

I helps them to avoid tech bros.

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-03-22T16:02:59+00:00

This fear of gold digging that has infected so many men these days is really funny

Available_Wafer5870 · 2024-03-22T17:21:47+00:00

Are you unemployed? Why are you so offended by a very basic question lmao

mrmudkip11 · 2024-03-22T16:19:06+00:00

That’s not a weird question to ask at all lmao

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-03-22T16:09:16+00:00

Isn't asking what someone does for a living just a part of getting to know someone?

Like people just ask each other this as a common ice-breaker question.

I get what you mean though.. Sometimes you get the feeling the question is asked with an ulterior motive or like they're working out how much respect to give you.

UEMcGill · 2024-03-22T17:03:38+00:00

A thing many women do on dating apps is drop the ultimate "What do you do for work?" question

Man you're reading way too much into this. I can't tell you how many times I've gone out with my wife and her work mates, and met another husband and asked them "what do you do for work?" I'm not interviewing them to see if I can mooch off them.

It's part of peoples identity.

I mean if you're afraid of gold diggers just cage your response. Maybe some women don't want to date military or cops? Give 'em enough to satisfy a polite question. "I work at a local paper company branch".

There's other ways to filter for low value people.

KayRay1994 · 2024-03-22T16:18:27+00:00

It’s straight up a very common conversation topic. You can indicate literally nothing about a person through that question

CatholicSolutions · 2024-03-23T00:20:04+00:00

As a man, I also ask women what they do for work.

obviousredflag · 2024-03-23T08:54:57+00:00

"what do you do for work" is THE question people ask each other after meeting for the first time ANYWHERE. It's the low hanging fruit of small talk, giving the other person a topic they can speak about, getting some information on interests and the kind of social bubble someone is in. It's an important lifestyle marker to judge compatibility.

If you think a woman is trying to get your money, tell her you are unemployed and otherwise worked in a low-income sector. Oh wait, you WANT your status and money to get you the desired women...

SnooCats37 · 2024-03-22T16:31:57+00:00

Its a normal part of conversation when you're getting to know someone.

2024-03-22T18:12:16+00:00

Jesus Christ we're trying to get to know you

Over_Noise3530 · 2024-03-22T16:05:07+00:00

I never adk this but it seems like men make their job their entire personality

NegentropicNexus · 2024-03-22T16:21:39+00:00

You can be a bit generalized and vague, you don't have to go in super nitty gritty details like the exact location nor pay.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-03-22T16:05:09+00:00

My grandma said this to me, people ask what you do for a living so they can determine the level of respect you are worth.

I also live in an area where that’s the second question after your name and can tell how it will play out every time.

I have found it to be true 95% of the time.

-JohnFortniteKennedy · 2024-03-22T17:24:51+00:00

GetStickBugged1337 · 2024-03-22T20:44:46+00:00

They want that payday, son

MotherPermit9585 · 2024-03-23T01:51:07+00:00

I usually just ask a conversation starter. I don’t really care except it might be something interesting to talk about. It also affects schedules and when someone might be able to go out. There’s certain jobs that I typically avoid dating that has nothing to do with finances (military and police but no offense to them). It’s not just in dating but one of the first questions teachers and other parents ask me when meeting is what kind of work I do. Also random people like hair stylists, pastors, etc frequently ask what people in general do for work.

I wouldn’t stress out about it and if the women you’re dating are gold diggers it’s better to find out sooner rather than later and waste your time.

Poly_frolicher · 2024-03-23T11:58:33+00:00

Most of the time it’s just a conversation starter. I want to know if your work sounds interesting, I’m familiar with it, if it has weird hours, and yes, do you make enough that we can split nice dates. That’s not gold-digging, just letting me know I’m not going to be financing everything. I can’t speak for all womankind, but I think the question is pretty innocent and to be expected when getting to know someone.

Some men keep it really vague, which is fine. “I work in logistics” or “I work in finance” could be a wide range of jobs and incomes, but both tell me he doesn’t really want to delve into it, but he is gainfully employed and probably not going to leach off of me. I’m a nurse, and it amazes me how little people know about the wide range of nursing jobs there are. Some guys ask questions, and some just launch into their naughty nurse fantasies. That second category piss me off, because you have just minimized the import of a critical workforce, and fetishized me, all in one crude remark.

ohdiddly · 2024-03-23T18:04:59+00:00

This is literally a normal question to ask someone who you're getting to know wym 💀

Good_Result2787 · 2024-03-22T15:58:10+00:00

It's a fairly normal question in the get to know you and financial sense. When I was still in looking mode I found it to be an expected question and one I always asked in return.

It's not for me to tell you how to feel about it, but personally I'd only feel some kind of negative way about it if I had no job at all.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-22T16:15:11+00:00

It's one of the most common conversation starters with people you don't know.

You seem to be super paranoid about gold diggers aiming their sights on you from every corner. Calm down, the gold diggers are out stalking someone with a very solid amount of gold, they're not rubbing their hands at aspiring tech bros, gold diggers don't tend to sit around and wait for the very hypothetical gold to manifest itself.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-03-22T15:54:57+00:00

It’s both to get to know him and to make sure he has the ability to provide. Men are attracted to youth/fertility and women showing genuine sexual desire for them but women are more biologically attracted to strength and stability. Not that looks aren’t important to women but women need to feel safe and part of that is a man’s ability to provide and protect her and any kids they have.

Electrical-Task-6820 · 2024-03-22T16:34:18+00:00

People usually like to talk about themselves and so it’s an easy question to help get the conversation going. Unless you’re actually a millionaire, answering this question honestly is an easy way to figure out if she’s a gold digger bc if she doesn’t like the answer, she’ll leave you alone pretty quickly. Then your problem is solved…

MC-Purp · 2024-03-22T16:51:39+00:00

I think you’re way over thinking it bud.

Konoha_Shinobee · 2024-03-22T16:58:06+00:00

Your job is the second most important thing about you

Solondthewookiee · 2024-03-22T20:32:29+00:00

Let's put it this way: if you are scared of gold diggers, then you don't have enough money to be scared of gold diggers.

apresonly · 2024-03-22T17:02:53+00:00

because thats how you spend most of your waking hours...

my work is super important to me, men should ask me about it if they want to date me.

> It's such a heart dropping question because it's so hard to predict whether she is gold digging and trying to get the guy's money, or if it's a genuine question to get to know the guy

so then why is it bad?

either you will identify a golddigger (good)

or make a connection with a woman who wants to get to know you (good)

its weird that men think their jobs should be a secret?

Safinated · 2024-03-22T16:02:15+00:00

Kids

And/or sponsorship/status

And after that, personality

biscuitcatapult · 2024-03-22T16:20:21+00:00

It’s a perfectly fine question to ask. For a lot of people, their career is a reflection of their skills, income, interests, and lifestyle, and can help gauge compatibility.

However, I have been on a date (and conversations on dating apps) where a woman asked what I do for a living and then had the audacity to be offended when I asked her the same question. Being a hypocrite is the red flag to me.

aspiringgamecoder · 2024-03-22T16:24:47+00:00

OP how much do you make a year

TheCaribbeanRedditor · 2024-03-22T16:59:11+00:00

Sorry to say, but this is a dumb, trolling post.

The question is clearly aimed at deciding what TYPE of person their potential partner is, and has nothing to do with golddigging

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-03-22T20:44:41+00:00

Gold digging plain and simple.

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maddrops · 2024-03-22T16:32:18+00:00

This is interesting - it's pretty normal to me, not because they're trying to figure out my income but just to get a sense of what my life is like, or even just have something to chat about.

It's useful to know someone's career so you can direct the conversation. Like if they're a mechanical engineer I might chat about how the autopilot on my sailboat broke, or if they're an attorney I might tell them about that time I was on a jury, or if they're a cop I might unmatch immediately.

It shouldn't be heart-dropping because if she's a gold digger I'd rather know sooner than later. You can always lie if you're just trying to get laid.

My parents are English and for them it's very taboo to ask someone directly what they do for work. Societal differences I guess.

helpadudeout9 · 2024-03-22T16:47:19+00:00

Interestingly, women NEVER ask me about my profession. Part of me is happy with this, as I don't want my entire identity and perceived value to come from my profession / income/ financial stability. The other part of me wonders why they don't ask, because most of us spend a good chunk of our lives working and it makes a big impact on your life (ie what hours you work, vacation time, income, locations to live, travel, etc). I'm also pretty successful professionally and am proud of my accomplishments, so (despite what I said previously) sometimes it'd be nice to be able to highlight what I see as a "strength" or green flag for me.

Am the exception here? Are you other men being grilled about this regularly? I wonder if it's something specific to me.

sunologie · 2024-03-22T17:02:53+00:00

People spend a lot of their time at work, for some people their career is their life or their passion… that’s like a completely normal question for men to ask women and women to ask men lol what are you even whining about?

2024-03-22T17:50:34+00:00

It’s a part of getting to know someone. Men would ask me what I do for work all the time when I was on dating apps but I would be a little hesitant to do the same because guys always seem to take it to mean “you care more about the money” when it’s not like that at all.

Jaded-Worldliness597 · 2024-03-22T17:58:07+00:00

This rarely happens to me. Just saying. I think women only ask this question if you are boring.

thelajestic · 2024-03-22T18:01:01+00:00

I'm a woman and literally every person I've met or spoken to since I've been of working age has asked what I do for work. It's a normal interaction that human people have.

2024-03-22T18:20:40+00:00

I couldn't have cared less about the money imo

1) I wanted to genuinely know what they did - my partner loves his job, and it's pretty interesting to ask bits and pieces/advice about things too. We talk about work often, it's good to be in the know.

2) One guy I met was a Truck driver I think, anyway, loved his job and his Rig which I absolutely get, but with everything involved in it didn't leave him a lot of time on the side and at the time, I wanted more company. So big vote to lifestyle too. I mean a person who likes to holiday 345 days a year probably wouldn't want to get tied down to a Farmer who has to care for animals 24/7 so it's pretty important in the grand scheme of things.

wtknight · 2024-03-22T18:25:02+00:00

Women like ambitious or hard working men even if they don’t need the money. A man who is lazy is not an attractive partner.

Some women prefer men with education, too, and a job is a good way to usually tell someone’s general education level.

meisterkraus · 2024-03-22T18:26:03+00:00

There is a difference then asking after a little bit and it being the first question you ask. If it is the first question you ask I am going to assume negative things.

Thatshygurl · 2024-03-22T19:19:33+00:00

It could be about money, but more often than not I think it’s just a general question you ask when dating.

Now if she asks how much you make, then you have your answer lol

RIchardjCranium · 2024-03-22T19:48:51+00:00

What do you do for a career determines how much money you make and your net worth. Plus it’s a bragging right thing. Saying I date a plumber or a mechanic is not as socially acceptable as dating a doctor or a lawyer.

educatedkoala · 2024-03-22T20:13:52+00:00

I like to have a perception of whether or not they're finally stable, what their date budget region might be, if they're a risk to need to depend on me for money, etc. I have a very good career and make more than most people my age (30) and I don't care what they make as long as they're stable. I wouldn't really be interested in someone who is, say, a DJ or EMT, because I like consistent and regular work hours that align their schedule with mine. Some careers tie you to locations or types of cities, and it's good to know that too. Basically just scoping long term potential.

SleepingBearWalk · 2024-03-22T21:00:58+00:00

Isn't that just part of getting to know someone?

Baezil · 2024-03-22T21:27:25+00:00

Because it's hugely significant to your life and the relationship they might have with you.

aspiringgamecoder · 2024-03-22T21:33:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

odeacon · 2024-03-22T22:00:27+00:00

Good thing to talk about. I’d love to talk about my job on a date and show her pictures of my favorite dogs there. If you asked this question assuming it would be about money, that’s not the case 80% of the time

Many_Dragonfly4154 · 2024-03-23T00:13:40+00:00

Just answer with drug dealer.

KurlyKayla · 2024-03-23T02:35:44+00:00

Dang, if you get upset by this, I guess I shouldn’t tell you that we do an entire background check on men before agreeing to the first date. As for the why? Safety and wanting to avoid bums. But mainly the safety.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-03-23T12:04:15+00:00

If one is a man over the age of like 30 or 35 in the dating market and one doesn’t have a reasonable, decent career and relative financial stability, then you need to figure things out.

Men this age are too old to be a hot fling and too old to get a hookup based on pure animalistic desire. Luckily, women aren’t men and can build attraction over time. So women can become attracted to a man when they see he works hard and has goals. If the man is an absolute loser after a certain age, it isn’t attractive.

I’m not saying be wealthy. But do something that is stable and pays okay. That is a bare minimum expectation. It’s ok to be in school too or training. It’s ok to be entry level somewhere. It’s ok to work 2 jobs But if you are over 30 or 35 and have to live with several roommates or your parents out of financial necessity (not a deliberate choice to save money but out of necessity), it is a huge turn off.

It’s not offensive. It’s a bare minimum requirement that most men can easily fulfill if they set their mind to it.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-03-24T10:25:46+00:00

Normal question to ask. For a relationship social class matters...not just from a gold digger point of view either. Women who aren't gold digging usually prefer to choose a man who is successful within their social class because that's going to be happier in general than being targeted by a guy who is dumpster diving because he's unappealing to women within his social class. It cuts both ways.

You're just going to have to get used to it, and it isn't like you aren't sizing her up too, is it? You're going to treat a teacher differently to a stripper differently to a drop out working at MacDonalds different to a college student different to an influencer etc. You want an answer to that question too, so you've some idea what you are dealing with.

Flaky-Ad-1499 · 2024-03-24T23:51:46+00:00

Women tend to be interested in / value their partner’s education, employment, and earning potential. I’m a woman and the attractiveness of the women I matched with increased dramatically after attaining a high level of prestige in those realms

jesseonetwo · 2024-03-31T03:46:10+00:00

Even non-gold digging women just want to know you are stable and can join into a comfortable lifestyle.

Illustrious_Put_5085 · 2024-06-09T22:53:19+00:00

How about successful women don't want to date a guy who doesn't have ,much going on work wise. Id like to be on somewhat equal footing

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-22T18:36:10+00:00

Why does anyone who meets anyone usually ask what they do for a living in their first three questions? It's an important part of your life, just basic getting to know you.

SolidusMonkey · 2024-03-22T19:34:20+00:00

Because they want to know what level of resources they can extract from you and how much of their life you'll finance. I mean,what answer were you expecting dude?

Sillysheila · 2024-03-22T20:36:39+00:00

Men ask me what I do for work all the time; I don’t think they’re all gold diggers.

A lot of people work (most adults) so it’s an easy thing to talk about

Intellect7000 · 2024-03-22T16:01:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Pathosgrim · 2024-03-22T17:18:36+00:00

"Why are you paranoid? You have no gold" -Says the Women here that will either ghost or reject you based off of your occupation alone.

Have a boring, low status job and you'll be met with the "we're not compatible" "I can't brag about your occupation to my friends and family" script.

DarayRaven · 2024-03-22T15:57:52+00:00

She's just giving you the hypergamous screening

Sharp_Platform8958 · 2024-03-22T16:38:48+00:00

Hypergamy. She's screening them for access to resources.

aspiringgamecoder · 2024-03-22T16:13:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

shonenhikada · 2024-03-22T16:23:00+00:00

It's done to low-key assess your status and money. Jobs can give incite into your status in life, and via a quick Google search, it can allow a girl to get an idea of how much money u might be making.

For example- u tell a girl u work as a janitor at.a.high school, and she likely will check out or make an excuse to leave.

Love-Is-Selfish · 2024-03-22T16:36:02+00:00

Your productive work is an important part of your life. And if you’re not working or in a minimum wage job, then you might not be ambitious enough for her.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2024-03-22T16:48:04+00:00

If she asks if because the conversation is dying early on it just a conversation starter

If the conversation is going well and she asks if out of nowhere I tend to think it’s a way to gauge how much money you make

Kateseesu · 2024-03-22T17:15:17+00:00

It’s probably one of the most revealing questions you can ask when you are just getting to know someone, regardless of if it’s romantic.

If someone is a social worker, you know they probably like to help people. If someone is a professor, they probably prefer intelligent conversation. If someone is a CEO at a big company, you may expect they work long hours. If someone is a bartender, they probably have good social skills and usually work in evenings.

I’m not on dating apps so I don’t know what questions guys ask, but if they aren’t asking what women do for work, I find that strange.

CheeseyCrakerz · 2024-03-22T17:18:33+00:00

I’m not on dating apps, but what a man decides to put his energy into and how he contributes to society says a lot about if I’m gonna be able to get along with him.

I have a certain degree of education and a certain level of job. How he’s been spending the last couple decades tells me if he’s mature enough for a relationship and if we’re going to get along long-term.

wardenferry419 · 2024-03-22T17:36:58+00:00

How a guy's status and money situation compares to the women's.

ChadderUppercut · 2024-03-22T18:47:24+00:00

In my country it is a bit impolite to ask people people about their earnings and in my experience her asking you what you do for work means that her vagina is already dry as a desert; it's a coup de grace to your hopes. She's throwing that question because she does not have much use for you and is just keeping the conversation going out of courtesy before she leaves. She should ask what he LIKES to do so he can talk about stuff he likes to talk about. Later on the job thing will likely come up spontaneously.

Boxhead928 · 2024-03-22T20:20:50+00:00

It's all of it, depends on the person.

Hosj_Karp · 2024-03-23T06:27:41+00:00

Eh. It's rarely as bad as "I want to make sure your rich so I can exploit your money", it's usually "I want to generally size you up on the society wide socioeconomic status ladder"

Thaeland · 2024-03-22T16:30:26+00:00

They are asking what you do so they can estimate your income. They known it would be a turn off to ask your income....

TRTGymBro · 2024-03-22T17:03:28+00:00

When a woman asks you that, tell her "I don't like boring questions". Let her qualify herself. You are a fucking moron of you think you have to jump through every hoop.

Title	Why do women on dating apps ask what men do for work?
Author	aspiringgamecoder
Upvotes	3
Comments	479
Date	March 22, 2024 3:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bl2h96/why_do_women_on_dating_apps_ask_what_men_do_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-on-dating-apps-ask-what-men-do-for.1513118 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513118

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