Men who have had a lot of casual sex have worse pair-bonding abilities

harmonica2 · 2024-07-15T19:30:12+00:00

I've noticed that out of all the guys in my social circle that have been caught cheating by their spouses, those guys had more promiscuous pasts compared to guys who haven't been caught.

lordmoldybutt42 · 2024-07-16T04:10:54+00:00

Promiscuity is bad for everyone. Promiscuity breeds cheaters

MC-Purp · 2024-07-15T18:39:34+00:00

I unfortunately have had the same experience as you OP. I got the chance to live perverted fantasy, of have sex as much as, and how I wanted to. It’ got old and lonely. I don’t recommend it.

Ppdebatesomental · 2024-07-16T02:28:06+00:00

this reflection has made me even more convinced that I cannot date a woman with a high bodycount seriously. Promiscuous people, me included, truly are damaged goods.

One one hand, you seem overly dramatic, but if you really believe this, that you are now “damaged goods “, then why would you subject some sweet innocent girl to your damaged pair bonding ability? Imean I don’t believe you’re damaged, but if you do, then it seems more fucked up than banging a few randos to me. In your mind you hurt yourself, what you are proposing hurts some poor undeserving girl.

cromulent_weasel · 2024-07-15T20:27:48+00:00

It’s common knowledge on this subreddit that women who’ve been promiscuous have a damaged pair-bonding ability. I propose that the same applies for men too.

I think that IF it's true for women then it stands to reason that it's true for men as well.

I am skeptical however. I feel like OP is misunderstanding what maturity is.

fundamentally_comfy · 2024-07-15T18:05:58+00:00

Yes we should teach boys about the importance of remaining pure and the virtue of belonging to only one woman for life !

egalitarian-flan · 2024-07-15T17:05:25+00:00

While I don't think promiscuous men and women are inherently "damaged goods", I do think that having such a cavalier attitude about sex and physical intimacy is not compatible at all with those of us who hold the opposite view.

Virtual_Muscle_8642 · 2024-07-15T17:04:26+00:00

Lmao 😂 this sub sometimes. That’s just growing up. Teenagers are usually fixated on love and crushes, it’s normal to demonstrate obsessive behavior at that age. An adult should have a solid sense of self that isn’t impacted by whether or not they have a romantic partner, and an understanding that relationships often don’t work out. It can be painful if you really cared about the person, but it’s not the end of the world. Your ability to bond with someone isn’t determined by how much sex you have, but by your view of sex, relationships, and your emotional health in general.

MistyMaisel · 2024-07-15T17:08:37+00:00

I mean, the science itself was not gendered. Anyone who is promiscuous shows signs of worse "pair-bonding". It was a myth forwarded by the red-pill this only applied to women. With that said, a question rarely asked is really a chicken or egg thing.

Are people worse at pair bonding because of promiscuity or are people promiscuous because they're worse at pair-bonding. Kind of hard to say. We know from looking at other areas that typically being very sexual when young is typically a trauma response (often abuse). We know that having certain mental health conditions often leads to being very sexual (ADHD, Oppositional Defiant, among others).

So it seems entirely possible and likely that promiscuity isn't what caused this damaged pair-bonding, it too is simply a symptom of something else. And if that's the case, then, the person being damaged goods because of casual sex isn't a fair claim. In fact, it seems likely that if say they're receiving treatment for those conditions or traumas, there's a good chance repair is entirely possible and that their pair bonding skill too could be rejuvenated.

But more frankly, if you believe what you're saying, then you would be inappropriate and unethical to inflict your issues on someone who doesn't share them. Damaged goods deserves damages goods after all. You'd just be dragging an undamaged person down with you, right?

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-07-15T20:33:01+00:00

Is there anybody who isn't damaged? People with no experience have severe FOMO at some point, messing up their ability to be happy in a relationship when they finally find one. Promiscuous people "can't pair bond". What's the happy medium?

Personally I think experience makes you realize what you really value, and it makes you realize what doesn't work, so it's not something to be feared.

It's probably better to have experience than not to have it in the modern world.

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2024-07-15T21:10:08+00:00

Would you accept a high BC woman or be like every other man that would only go for non damaged woman. This damaging that woman

Mysterious-Floor-909 · 2024-07-16T07:10:31+00:00

That's why EVERYONE should care about their partners past. Not just "those insecure men" or however you call them.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-07-15T18:19:29+00:00

Both men and women who participate in casual sex yes, they do have poorer pair bonding abilities.

Actually many studies show the more history of casual sex (for BOTH genders, sorry men!) the more likely they are to divorce if they get married.

Its because the personality and character traits that lead someone to pursue casual sex make them worse LTR partners and poor pair-bonding is one of them (egoism, impulsivity, hedonism, superficiality, tendency to become bored are some of the others)

ElegantSportCat · 2024-07-15T16:45:41+00:00

Daydreaming about someone has nothing to do with one's ability to form and maintain a relationship.

operajunkie · 2024-07-16T04:22:11+00:00

Thank you for admitting this. I don’t think it’s a good sign in either gender.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-07-15T16:58:34+00:00

Pair bonding isn't real.

Humans don't form attachments by like... imprinting on the first person they have sex with, but ONLY if they only have sex with that one person for the rest of their lives. Or else we'd ALL be married happily to our childhood sweethearts, because those are the first person we "bonded" to.

Humans bond by sharing lived experiences, providing rewarding stimulation to one another, talking and growing accustomed to one another's presence, and giving each other a sense of being understood.

Sex workers are just as capable of loving their partners as virgins. And virgins are just as capable of struggling to feel close to the first person they have sex with as slut.

It's not determined by the amount of sex you have, it's more reliant on your own personal disposition, your willingness to let other people into your life, your willingness to care about someone else's life, your empathy and ability to understand another person, the consistency in which you provide positive stimulation, your ability to communicate and trouble-shoot and your willingness to change/improve for the sake of others.

attendquoi · 2024-07-15T16:56:10+00:00

I disagree. My husband and I both had casual sex before dating, and we've been together for over a decade now. People need to make sure their partners value sex the same way.

Pleasant-Speed2003 · 2024-07-15T16:54:16+00:00

Honestly I think it's more the individual views a person holds on the other sex rather than how many people. I think people with less LTR compatible views are just.more likely to have casual sex, rather than that being the red flag, it's just that it csn be the first sign of a real issue

SillyMushroomTip · 2024-07-15T17:16:22+00:00

Love is for the young. As you get older and the more partners you have you start deciphering the games people play, you start seeing the harsh reality of it all. It hard not to be jaded by that.

Now that I'm in my 30s I just don't have the same eagerness or capacity to love a woman whole heartedly like I did when I was younger. As much as I admire and desire the feminine beauty all I see is deception.

GymBroTRT · 2024-07-15T17:29:27+00:00

How is this common knowledge when most men on PPD are self professed virgins and incels? How did these guys find out that women with a lot of partners have damaged pair-bonding ability?

claratheresa · 2024-07-15T20:09:56+00:00

Community dick is not attractive

ta06012022 · 2024-07-15T17:12:23+00:00

Probably, depending on how you measure "pair bonding abilities". But conceptually I agree that a guy who's less inclined to form an emotional connection is less likely to end up in a relationship and more likely to engage in casual sex.

DBEternal · 2024-07-16T14:44:32+00:00

Not true. Men who bang a lot of women are less likely to tolerate the usual amount of disrespect that comes with monogamy. that gets confused by right-wingers and white knights as "pair bonding."

For example I been with many women. I had a girl try to pull the usual "naggy, underhanded jokes" thing. I just couldn't tolerate it, cause why on earth would i tolerate it?

notmyrealnamepapi · 2024-07-16T15:10:02+00:00

It is factually true that promiscuous behavior is bad for male and female.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-07-16T16:57:02+00:00

So either date other damaged goods or stay alone. I know that hurt people hurt people but you can stop this cycle by steping out and not hurting some innocent girl.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-07-15T17:12:43+00:00

It’s common knowledge on this subreddit that women who’ve been promiscuous have a damaged pair-bonding ability. I propose that the same applies for men too.

That is not common knowledge and it is also not true. Claiming common knowledge doesn't get you around having to provide evidence for your claims.

Just because you might be damaged goods for whatever reason, avoidant attachment style for example, doesn't show how being promiscuous leads to worse pair-bonding abilities.

VWGUYWV · 2024-07-15T17:24:43+00:00

It’s a chicken and egg thing.

Most women I know that slept with a lot of men had issues before that. If a woman already has issues bonding then of course they will go through more men and interact with them unhealthily. Of course, the mileage just adds more fuel to the fire.

Women have healthy families with dads they are close to usually settle down earlier and tend to not have wild phases.

MedusatheProphet · 2024-07-15T19:46:42+00:00

Idk about the whole 'pair bonding' thing tbh but as a woman with a relatively low bodycount, I'm not interested in men with a high one. My main reasoning is that I'm bothered by the higher likelihood of diseases, and I consider sex to be really special/ only reserved for a long term, committed relationship so I don't feel I'd be compatible with someone who sees it as blasé. The other reason sort of goes with what you're saying though, I think? I have no interest in being another notch on some guy's belt. Number one hundred and... whatever. I would assume they're a bit of a 'player' and won't value my time or my body or my mind, so why would I be vulnerable and let them in?

Idk about damaged goods though. That's a bit harsh on yourself, don't you think? There's 8 billion people on this planet, maybe you just haven't met the one yet, if you believe in that kind of thing :)

GrandpaDallas · 2024-07-15T21:46:33+00:00

I can't say I'm the same. I think it definitely makes it harder for me to date at times, because I've been with high quality women that have had me raise my standards throughout my dating life, but when I like someone I am into them constantly. I find myself wanting to tell them about everything I do, and think about them when I see something I want to share.

It's a different sort of love when you get older.

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-07-15T22:48:12+00:00

This doesn’t hold with observations I’ve experienced of any means… for women either. Of course you’re not gonna bond in the midst of your hoe phase but most people have seasons.

Whynotus048 · 2024-07-16T12:21:20+00:00

Hey man fully agree, went on a Tinder Tirade as I call it in the last couple of years, and yeah it was fun at first, in the end made me feel like a giant piece of shit.

Hope to find someone to fully settle down with in the next few years.

There are men however who sleep around and do not feel much, I imagine these people are the same that do not feel much of anything in terms of relationships of any kind and are probably seeking something more in the long run.

yodawgchill · 2024-07-16T13:46:52+00:00

Idk I think this could be relationship related too regardless of sex. I have friends that aren’t promiscuous by any means but after a pretty damaging relationship or two they end up with the same attitude. No more idealized versions of people, no more butterflies, just trying to connect with someone and if it fails then whatever you just gotta move on🤷🏻‍♀️

I can’t say I relate, and I probably never will (but who knows?) However, I understand how a bad enough relationship could damage someone to the point that it affects their ability to connect with others and trust others with their body and heart.

2024-07-16T17:55:20+00:00

I mean having a couple LTRs cheat on you early on could make you just as jaded. Partner count two, trust in people zilcho.

pence_secundus · 2024-07-17T03:07:16+00:00

I think so.

I'm a guy who's been with >150 women and in my late 20's I found myself disillusioned with women because I had seen the reality of how common it is for women to cheat on their husbands and bfs with guys like who I used to be.

Eventually I found a good one but it was highly likely I would have died alone.

McPigg · 2024-07-17T19:27:00+00:00

No shit sherlock

thetruthishere_ · 2024-07-15T17:10:08+00:00

You have attachment issues, and have decided to generalize your sample of 1 to a population level.

Just go to therapy bro.

napthaleneneens · 2024-07-15T17:37:25+00:00

I get what you’re trying to say and I agree. These guys are also jaded, don’t trust easily, and have an even harder time bonding via sex than the average male. Why? Because more experience means more exposure to some real low-vibrational women, and people are more likely to be impacted by negative experiences. If you’re throwing the D about, giving it up to just any girl, you just don’t value sex on a deeper level, period. You’re free to not care who you’re investing your energy in and you’re free to let just any woman have you. But it strongly indicates you don’t take intimacy seriously. To make matters worse, the nature of casual sex literally isn’t intimate - the more you get used to superficial, hollow, performative sex the more it becomes a comfortable pattern to the point you’ll find deeper intimacy foreign. You’ll have trouble even knowing how to express it in bed - and receive it, sadly; lots of men don’t know how to process a heartfelt touch. Where all this becomes a problem is when people want to have their cake and eat it too. You can’t claim to want a woman that sees sex on a deeper level while simultaneously not seeing sex on a deeper level. Women of that calibre don’t want a life with someone that’s not on the same page. When she wants to be tender with you, you won’t know how to respond. It’s lonely when you’re the only person who understands intimacy and it creates incompatibility. Do the responsible thing and get with women who view sex in a casual way like you do. Leave the other women for men who are equipped to give and receive intimacy.

TalkGlass · 2024-07-15T20:30:45+00:00

you guys are going to pseudoscience your boners to death and basing someone’s value as a potential partner on previous sexual partners is lame as shit and not any of your business to begin with.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-07-15T17:09:24+00:00

Source: “Trust me, bro.”

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-07-15T16:59:59+00:00

You got over your oneitis and now you think you can't pair bond?

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-07-15T17:54:25+00:00

First off, humans are intelligent apes, not birds, we don’t “pair bond” like that. We have the capacity to form attachments to people, of course, but it’s far more complex than that. There’s a lot of variation in individual human sexual behavior, on a spectrum from more monogamous to more promiscuous, with most people falling somewhere in the middle. Our sexual behaviors are a result of natural inclination, moral values, and habit.

This means that you are correct that if you want a faithful partner, someone with a long history of promiscuity isn’t a good choice. However, the reason behind it isn’t some mythical “broken pair bonding ability.” Rather, it’s simply that it shows that the person hasn’t valued monogamy in the past and may not in the future.

Abandons65 · 2024-07-15T17:14:03+00:00

Ur right, all these people here wanna lie to themselves because they’ve had some casual sex, but ofc it damages that. Sex is a very intimate experience meant to be with people you love, if you take away that value it just becomes a meaningless pleasure. And obviously you can still bond and even partially recover as the brain is very malleable, but it won’t ever fully be at the level you could’ve if you weren’t engaging in casual sex and degenerate culture.

Realistic_Guava9117 · 2024-07-15T17:06:54+00:00

I find it hilarious that everyone thinks pair bonding means you don’t have sex with anyone else but that one person. I mean, I know thats the definition of pair bonding but its just sex.

baiser_vole · 2024-07-15T17:10:35+00:00

I don’t think it is necessarily body count. Even if you stay celibate while dating, I think it is possible to damage one’s bonding abilities and the number differs for each person. I am definitely more cold and distant than I used to be. I am my boyfriend’s first love and he has that first love goggles for me which I lost. I don’t necessarily think keeping the first love goggles is the best thing as it makes one too dumb in relationships, but it still is different.

2024-07-15T17:40:41+00:00

I disagree - I think casual sex is fine so long as you’re being safe about it, but I think it’s in your best interest to get your “partying years” out of your system as early as possible.

A lot of people who did not have those experiences feel as though they missed out, men in particular (and I say this as a man), and become resentful of partners who may have been promiscuous. On the other hand, if you more opportunities to explore casual relationships when you were younger, you tend to have less regrets (at least in terms of relationships) as you get older.

I think it’s also about pulling the curtain back and learning that casual sex/hookips aren’t the best all end all, even if it can be fun. For me, the risks were never really worth it but I’m glad I had some casual flings when I was younger so I could at least decide for myself; not everyone gets that opportunity so I count myself lucky in that regard.

ayelijah4 · 2024-07-15T17:51:44+00:00

the whole idea of neuroplasticity challenges your idea

2024-07-15T18:54:13+00:00

Thank you for pointing this out

YveisGrey · 2024-07-15T19:33:25+00:00

Which came first the chicken or the egg? Are promiscuous individual less able to bond because they are promiscuous or are they promiscuous because they are less able to bond?

2024-07-16T05:11:16+00:00

While I can respect your honesty it is very morally inconsistent and hypocritical when you know you’ve ruined yourself to make the judgement that a woman in your position isn’t worthy of your forgiveness. You are not worthy of forgiveness.

Anonreddit96 · 2024-07-16T10:31:06+00:00

Yes, any HUMAN that has had left tsnof casual sex and doesn't take being intimate too seriously will indeed have a F'ed up pair bonding. Unless they go through something traumatic or life changing events that change their view point at which point they will force this event memories to override their lack of pair bonding and stay loyal. This issue is not exclusive to men or women.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-07-15T16:53:02+00:00

How much is “a lot”?

Good_Result2787 · 2024-07-15T16:53:30+00:00

I don't think daydreaming counts--even if we accept the premise that these arbitrary numbers are applicable to humans' "pair-bonding" abilities. I don't know how old you are, but daydreaming about an infatuation at 16 is extremely normal and not really indicative of anything other than its normality.

GridReXX · 2024-07-15T20:24:03+00:00

Or:

“Pair bonding” is mostly male projection and male solipsism.

The people women have pined over and had crushes on are the one she feels “lovey dovey intimately bonded toward.” Having sex with a man you don’t already have a crush on and haven’t pined over in some way doesn’t produce whatever feelings you’re talking about.

Not to mention men tend to have a “sex is like pizza, even bad sex is good sex.” Most women can’t relate to that phrase. In fact it sounds silly and downright incorrect to us.

The strong feelings we have for a man we like were developed BEFORE we had sex. Conversely, having sex with someone we don’t have a strong crush on doesn’t feel devastating.

No matter how old I get, having strong feelings for someone and then losing them is going to be heartbreaking. But that doesn’t mean everyone I may kiss or have sex with means I have strong feelings for or that they have the capacity to break my heart. Only people I pine over and have crushed on and am love with have the capacity to make me that sad. And I don’t need to have sex to have those feelings.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-07-15T17:51:22+00:00

Men who have had a lot of casual sex have worse pair-bonding abilities

It is one of the main reasons why I stopped seeking casual arrangements with women BUT I think this problem is definitely more prevalent and pronounced in women than it is in men.

It may sound esotertic (probably because it is) but I'm fairly confident that I can see it in a woman's eyes whether she's impaired in that regard or not (the degree to which). I've noticed a similar (dull, dead-inside, sorrowful) gaze in men I knew were fuck-boy(ish) but were too sensistive for that kind of arrangement. However, I don't find it nearly as accurate of a sign for impaired pair bonding as it is for women. The men who are "too sensitive" for such arrangements also seem fewer in number when compared with their female counterparts.

Just my anecdotal evidence.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-07-15T20:16:30+00:00

I agree in a way, I just see idea of "pair bonding" as dumb nonsense. My position is that even if you date casually there's a big chance to meet somebody who is nice enough for you to stay. Because you most likely don't want to go for same process of finding new girl and getting into her pants over and over again just because it takes time. I have high confidence that a lot of couples formed this way. People casually date without any specific goal, have sex just for sake of it but then decide to stay with each other. So if you have a lot of casual sex with different women then you deliberalty avoid relationships or can't actually form them. Or you're having really bad luck, but I think it's really rare.

plantlover3 · 2024-07-15T23:30:05+00:00

If you’re under the age of 45-50 then there is nothing wrong with what you said. I would say probably 70-80% of straight men under that age range don’t really want to settle down, they want to explore sexual fantasies, different women, different personalities etc.

Some women too; see the unfulfilled virgin wives who are with one partner their whole life; they always want more or a different guy/different sex. Same with men probably.

To be blunt You NEED to get out there and f**k lmfao. get it all out and then worry about a monogamous relationship, but while you’re young have FUN.

Handsome_Goose · 2024-07-15T23:51:36+00:00

Nice flex, op

Icy-Pin5030 · 2024-07-16T01:31:19+00:00

I agree 150%…. I never stress anymore… theres always another one around the corner ahahah

DBerwick · 2024-07-16T06:58:55+00:00

Insisting that something is common knowledge doesn't make your whackjob take actually real.

Promiscuity tends to arise out of a need for externalized validation, usually because self-est3em was damaged at a critical age (this is why "daddy issues" is synonymous with "easy"). Having two people fighting over you is also very validating. These are not gender-specific, and the sex is the cause and not the result.

"broken pair-bonding"... boy do you have rocks in your skull?

Flash_4_Crab · 2024-07-16T12:57:59+00:00

Has anyone every made the argument that this wasn't case. I've only heard that men are LESS affected by it, both mentally and in the dating market.

Swimming_Policy3629 · 2024-07-16T13:55:50+00:00

I'll be waiting for that benefit to level me up when I'm a big enough slut. Lol. But the only guy I slept with who was slutty and slept with women in the hundreds was sexually abused. And he liked dominant older women but was afraid of younger ones and one time he said a good way to cut back on pedophilia was to slut shame underaged girls

Sade_061102 · 2024-07-17T10:57:23+00:00

They’ve don’t studies into this, their is an effect on both men and women, although not majorly, the correlation is actually stronger in men tho

EugeneCezanne · 2024-07-17T21:16:47+00:00

I remember when I was 16 I’d be staying up day dreaming about my crush at the time. I never do that anymore.

It's hard to say how much of this is promiscuity and how much is just what was always going to happen to you as you grew up.

However, individual brains have different connections and chemistries. I have pretty much always been a very promiscuous man. Yet I still daydream about my crushes and invest deeply in my relationships. If even a semi-casual one breaks down, I have to go through all the emotions.

EDIT: By the way, the pair-bonding study people usually cite gets exaggerated. For one thing, it doesn't establish a causal link--that is, it doesn't show whether promiscuity lowers pair-bonding or it people with lower pair-bonding are just more likely to be promiscuous. For another, the differences are relatively small merely probabilistic, not deterministic.

For yet another, it doesn't really make a ton of theoretical sense. If the pair-bonding hoormones are triggered by sex, then someone in a long-term, monogamous relationship is almost certainly having them triggered much, much more frequently than someone always looking for a new hookup. Moreover, the psychological toil of a LTR breakup is a much more explicable source of "damage" when it comes to how you'll feel about your next relationship.

SteveSan82 · 2024-07-18T00:49:51+00:00

Not at all. I think it’s more we see the red flags better than others. I cared about a woman very much last year but her red flags led me to dumping her even though it hurt to do so

benjo83 · 2024-07-18T07:19:24+00:00

I think the premise is true, but I think it has more to do with attachment styles.

I had poor attachment when I was young and I can give up friends (and sexual partners) with ease. It takes me a long time to develop feelings for a woman and in that time there is a very strong pull that makes me feel I should walk away and go about my life by myself again.

I don’t think this is because I have been damaged by all the poon… I think all the sexual partners are a result of not being someone who becomes easily attached.

I

Boxisteph · 2024-07-20T10:31:41+00:00

Men and women are different on this one.

Women that have sex with multiple men do it just because. It's like going abroad and trying new food.

Men that have sex with multiple women are satisfying a lizard brain urge that quickly turns into a habit and addiction. Neural pathways get laid down for men in a way they don't for women.

Being able to access multiple women start affecting men's dopamine and serotonin pathways in a similar way the porn addicted men struggle.

Women don't have those issues.

sweetlorraine1 · 2024-12-24T05:26:23+00:00

The same would apply to men

sweetlorraine1 · 2024-12-24T05:35:06+00:00

I agree as a female I was promiscuous because of child sexual abuse. I stopped being promiscuous because I didn’t like myself when I was doing it, the more I did it the lower my self esteem was. I have stopped having any sex for many years whilst I sorted myself out getting the appropriate treatment for my condition. I now find myself attracted to a few high quality men who have high standards and they are attracted to me. I am still undergoing treatment for trauma and I understand how difficult sex will be but I know that good men with values and standards are the ones to choose from.

weenieandthebutt · 2024-07-15T18:43:27+00:00

You not being hung up on relationships has nothing to do with pair bonding - you were not emotionally invested in them in the first place.

I got somewhat of a high bodycount and I was very clingy, in love and simpish in my last relationship. Even the most ravenous Playboys will turn into the biggest simps once they find a woman they like.

However, I never seen a woman with a high bodycount who acts like a giddy highschool girl with their LTR they eventually get into or will do more for than they've done with past casual partners.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2024-07-15T17:25:28+00:00

What exactly is wrong with having casual fun until you find a true partner to settle down with?

ullivator · 2024-07-15T17:43:16+00:00

Bro you aren’t damaged, you’ve just gotten older

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-07-15T18:49:58+00:00

So, being more emotionally mature as a man and having less tolerance for bullshit means you can’t pair bond? Huh? Lol

Werkgxj · 2024-07-15T18:08:08+00:00

Are we sure that the relation between

"damaged pair-bonding" and promiscuity is really that

Promiscuity -> damaged pair-bonding?

Why is noone asking whether

damaged pair-bonding -> promiscuity

could be true?

To me it just seems like promiscuity is stigmatized for the sake of it. There is valid criticism of promiscuity, mainly that protection from unwanted pregnancies and STDs isn't always ensures which can cause harm in the future.

Sex is just sex, nothing more nothing less. As long as you are keeping yourself and your partner safe, make sure consent is always given and don't harm your personal life for it, there is no problem.

I have yet to see a study that concludes that promiscuity negatively affects a person's mental health.

__cult_imagery__ · 2024-07-16T09:14:59+00:00

Let me just say that the first woman to ever let me nut inside of her completely broke my heart the day she moved on from me.

10 partners later with at least at 10 separate creampies deposited and these b*tches stay doing the most. Exhausting all their p#ssy power to try and trigger feelings 😂

Muscletov · 2024-07-16T17:55:50+00:00

Women don't care. These men possess other characteristics that make women want to lock them down.

2024-07-15T16:59:46+00:00

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

leosandlattes · 2024-07-15T17:48:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

KamuiObito · 2024-07-15T21:23:38+00:00

Yes. They do. Women do NOT care tho because logic isn’t their strong suit.

2024-07-15T23:20:46+00:00

It has nothing to do with pair-bonding and everything to do with options. The more options a human has (male or female) the worse behavior you will see. This isn't universally true, obviously, but it's VERY true.

Freethinker312 · 2024-07-16T01:57:30+00:00

Agreed men lose their pair-bonding capabilities with experience too, but also, why would a man need pair bonding?

Relationships? Men can do those without pair bonding or love without an issue, women are human feelings, men are human doings. that's why so many relationships are just very poorly hidden ways to acquire sex or keep access to your children.
Happiness? Men can be happy with very little, most guys I know just need sex every once and a while and a video game and maybe drinking with the buddies every other week to be happy. Men don't need seem to need pair- bonding or love to be happy, just sex.

Pair bonding capabilities are only important if you have some interest in feeling it, and well, I don't think most red pill men are interested. Not to say that it is an enormous negative, leading to the dreaded Oneitis and Inceldom. I really don't know why anyone would even want to keep it.

Cablepussy · 2024-07-15T21:19:26+00:00

One of the reasons it’s a huge issue for women is that they remember the best dicking down they ever got and every time you rank below it they subconsciously compare the two(sometimes grow resentful) and throw it in your face later.

Men do not think about sexual partners that way while in a relationship, generally; if they did they would have the same problem as women, yes.

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waffleznstuff30 · 2024-07-15T18:03:49+00:00

It's called maturing.

Being emotionally mature means you can distance yourself from a person and know not everything hinges on something working out them.

Not being damaged goods.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-07-15T18:24:38+00:00

You lack theory of mind bc what you think isn't what every single other woman thinks.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-07-15T23:45:28+00:00

I don't agree. To me my "pair bonding" was always based on logic. The objectively best girls I've ever dated who also treated me the best, I had lots of feelings for and ones that were not that great or didn't treat me great I had little or no feelings for. So to me it's simple. My BC is 300+

SilentFroggy · 2024-07-16T00:13:32+00:00

If it’s just casual sex meaning hooking up, then I don’t think it affects pair bonding for men. If he’s been in multiple relationships, then yes I believe it will affect his pair bonding.

As for women, they have already lost their pair bonding if they participated in casual sex. Women don’t typically start with casual sex, rather they were forced into it.

Mentathiel · 2024-07-16T02:00:18+00:00

It's not the sex.

First of all, the kind of thing you experienced as a teen may be a bit obsessive and unhealthy. Google limerence and learn about it a bit. It's kind of difficult to differentiate from a healthy crush, especially if you've never experienced a healthy crush, but it's and important concept to be aware of. I believe it's actually similar to what people call oneitis around here.

Second of all, it is possible to damage one's ability to pair bond. Through trauma. If you've bonded to people and felt betrayed, abandoned, abused, etc. you're going to learn not to do that anymore. The person doesn't even have to have bad intentions, but if you have some trauma from your childhood or something and have a string of gfs who leave you after two months because they've "cooled off" or something, you're going to start self-protectively not get as emotionally invested in them. Usually, this is just a shield you put up to avoid getting hurt again, deep down you still wanna trust and love and stuff, there's just a higher threshold for it being proven to you that it's safe. And if your trauma is extensive enough, even when you take the plunge and start caring again, certain things can trigger you and you shut off mentally.

The issue is, this feeling may cause you to avoid commitment. If you only have unserious relationships, ONSs, situationships, etc. you can satisfy some of your urges, but not get emotionally invested enough to get hurt. Because of this, people with trust issues who have a high sex drive may be more prone to promiscuity.

All of this means that a high body count will probably be correlated with some trust issues making it more difficult to bond. But it's not caused by the sex. Rather, both behaviors are caused by the same underlying trauma.

Why is this important? Because if it's not caused by sex, then it's possible that someone could have promiscuous sex for other reasons completely unrelated to this. And then the bonding problem would not exist along with it. So promiscuity is a bit of a red flag maybe in either gender. It can mean trust issues, lack of impulse control, irresponsibility, STDs, non-monogamous tendencies. But it doesn't have to mean that necessarily, it can also mean this person is secure in themselves and was exploring their sexuality trying to learn about themselves before getting into a relationship that's more serious than they can handle. It could even mean they had a history of trauma or abuse and chose partners poorly for a while because of it and when they became aware of it they decided to avoid relationships until they figure their shit out, they went to therapy, and fucked around to satisfy sexual needs. It can even be a sign of good impulse control because they may have had desperate want to be in a relationship, but they resisted because they knew it was bad for them at the time.

Another reason why this is important is that trauma is treatable, while a high body-count is not lol. Considering yourself damaged goods based on this is a good cop-out to avoid taking responsibility for yourself and working on this. There's no proven biological mechanism for what you're describing. But we have a lot of evidence of consequences of trauma, as well as scientifically backed ways to treat it.

For most people, I don't think promiscuity is very healthy or comes naturally to them. But it can very much depend on the person and the circumstances. And even if it's a bad thing for them, it's possible to move past that.

NewPomegranate2898 · 2024-07-16T03:16:08+00:00

It’s the quality and the choice of women you are with during those promiscuous times that lead to this. It’s incorrect that there’s nothing else besides having many women that serves as the root cause behind your dissatisfaction

kongeriket · 2024-07-16T05:54:58+00:00

I experienced the opposite. Accrued an N-count that skews statistics from late 1990s till 2007-08 and then, at some point, I got bored of the whole game. So I dated for marriage. Within 6 months found my now-wife. That was 16 years ago.

If anything, having a high count helped, rather than be a hindrance.

Also, as much as this sub likes to pretend otherwise, men are not women. High count is experienced differently and perceived differently by men and by women.

Women expect men to be intuitive lovers. Fair enough, but how tf would I have learned that without trying out? 🤷🏻‍♂️ My missus had no conditions on this but was relieved I turned out to be experimented. Helped her deal with complexes as well.

Promiscuous people, me included, truly are damaged goods.

Meh. Most damaged people are in fact not promiscuous at all (this sub is a testament to it, lol).

Cjaylyle · 2024-07-16T05:57:50+00:00

No, you’re very much able to bond with somebody after a promiscuous past, IF that most recent person is attractive enough and you love them more than everybody before

Quiet_Job_8808 · 2024-07-16T08:44:53+00:00

It affects men less, reason is men are more rational.

Tmpagurl · 2024-07-16T10:29:09+00:00

As someone who has a dad with a promiscuous past (endless stories mainly involving his days in the army) I don’t think this is true for all men, my parents have been married for 21 years and he’s been loyal to her ever since.

Spiritual_Hamster945 · 2024-07-16T11:00:51+00:00

HAHAHA No.

I know so many guys who have plowed a tonne of girls yet completely fell in love with one

Sorry OP you haven't found a girl like this.

stats135 · 2024-07-15T17:44:47+00:00

truly are damaged goods.

It's "damaged good" the same way that ripped jeans are damaged goods. From a strictly practical POV, ripped jeans are worse than normal jeans, but from a fashion POV, it actually enhances its value.

Men see promiscuous women as used, damaged goods, whereas women see it fashionable to be seen with promiscuous men.

antariusz · 2024-07-16T00:35:19+00:00

Even at 400+ women, if I hook up with a woman and the sex is REALLY GOOD I will find myself thinking about her, and wanting a relationship with her, and continuing to see her.

I just had sex tonight with someone I just met, beautiful woman, significantly younger, absolutely amazing sex, very passionate, she enjoyed, I enjoyed, it was great. Objectively she is a 8 in looks, maybe a 9 if she happens to matches your preferences (black, in shape, smallish tits, skinny, cute face, flawless skin, very feminine) maybe a 7 at the worst if you don’t like black women.

Unfortunately women are far more vicious and predatory than men. If I ever hinted to women that I was thinking about them romantically, I wouldn’t get to have sex in the first place. Women will put you into boxes. And id rather be put into the fuckboy box. And that’s fine, I do enjoy sex, but I wish if you were put into the relationship box they’d also want to have sex with you. But that isn’t how women are wired. They don’t want a blend of alpha and beta traits, they prefer pure alpha or pure beta. And so I have to choose. And I’d rather keep sleeping with women. When a woman is 20 she just wants to have fun. When a woman is 30 , she also just wants to have fun, but realizes that fuckboys won’t commit.

Sadly, I’m not a super top tier man. Maybe an 8/10 at best (on the scale of women, because I can fairly regularly sleep with 8/10 women), objectively (and like 5 years ago I posted on true rate me) I ended up as like a 5 on the male scale. But with this woman tonight, it felt like we had amazing chemistry, and that chemistry was because I made her attracted to me.

I’ve been in a few multiyear relationships, the longest over 4 years, whom I did absolutely love, and so I don’t think it does hurt your ability to pair bond, but it does open your eyes to the red flags that make you aware that just because a woman will sleep with you doesn’t make her a good relationship match.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-07-15T18:33:33+00:00

No! Men sleep down so are less likely to pair bond with a worse looking girl which can be easily replaced! They’re not going to be sad losing the Toyota Camry when another one is easily replaceable!

Women on the other hand sleep up (with Chads way out of their league) so the loss to them of a Ferrari is going to hurt them much more

NewOCLibraryReddit · 2024-07-15T21:06:38+00:00

"pair bonding" is a vague, meaningless term. If you look around, successful relationships in every aspect of the world has been fine tuned, and reflective in any business. There is a leader (CEO), and a follower (everyone else). There is a President, and a vice president. In any relationship, there needs to be a leader and a follower. However, in todays world, women want to be leaders of men, and men want to follow woman. It's totally twisted.

purplish_possum · 2024-07-16T02:52:25+00:00

Nah, a guy can fuck 50 meh women without falling in love and then fall head over heels for a woman who stands out from the mediocre crowd.

2024-07-16T03:03:26+00:00

You're wrong.

Men never had pair-bonding abilities in the first place.

Just a lack of options.

berichorbeburied · 2024-07-15T17:03:55+00:00

That’s not true.

Women and men are different.

I can’t speak for all men.

But men are more idealistic and more virtuous.

(I’m really speaking for myself as a man and am subtly applying that potentiality to men as a whole).

The idea of self sacrifice. The idea of loyalty. Of providing/protection etc etc.

This essentially guarantees pair bonding if the right situation and circumstances are met with any woman.

And if the man wants to.

For example I wouldn’t feel/love/think about my bestfriend the way I do if all the situations between us never happened.

It’s less of a feeling for me and more of the realization that she’s always been there and won’t leave me. And puts up with me. And we actually get along and are happy to be around each other and love each other and etc etc.

To me it’s more idealistic/virtous/conceptual

But women (not all) are more emotional and more selfish.

So things like self sacrifice or not gaining/benefiting from a situation or settling are just going to be unlikely coming from a woman.

What you really bank on is the emotional connection/bond that you forge between them.

That’s what love means to them and that’s what pair bonding means to them.

It’s more of a feeling or an emotion.

For example when my bestfriend talks about me. It’s in like I want you to live. I know you’re obsessed with me. Do you remember when this happened that was funny. I love you. You can’t replace me. Do you still like this? Bestie.

Like it’s just emotions and feelings accompanied by situations and experiences and then come the concepts/idealization/virtues.

So a woman experiencing that with many men is going to malfunction her ability to just be with one man.

Women like that usually go to their first ex or the one who made them feel the most emotions.

Where as a man usually goes to the one who made them feel loved the most or was the most loyal or did everything they wanted

But men are more likely to commit to a new random woman even if they’ve been with a lot of women previously than women are.

But that wasn’t your point.

TLDR

a man having multiple past sexual experiences with multiple women won’t hurt his ability to pair bond. While a woman having multiple past sexual experiences will.

P.s

This is besides the point but women want you to have sexual experience already or experience with women already. So how could they prefer that if it was true that pairbonding was more difficult for men after essentially having more sexual experience?

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-07-15T16:47:16+00:00

Men only have issues pair bonding when our count is over 50 bodies... women, it's 8 or more... also men don't have said issue because we don't need to be emotionally invested to want to have sex women do...

Title	Men who have had a lot of casual sex have worse pair-bonding abilities
Author	AspiringMogger
Upvotes	124
Comments	390
Date	July 15, 2024 4:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e3zhqm/men_who_have_had_a_lot_of_casual_sex_have_worse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-who-have-had-a-lot-of-casual-sex-have-worse.1524362 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524362

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