Straight men will not spend a significant amount of time/are not close friends with a straight woman in whom they are not sexually or romantically interested.

steauengeglase · 2021-05-25T16:28:35+00:00

Ever think that we don't have many friends to begin with? I don't mean like acquaintances or really good friends, but you only talk a few times a month. Like friends you talk to every day or every other day or even two times a week. I'm 40+ and most of those friends are already dead or married with kids or married to their jobs.

Between work, gym, responsibilities and two friends, I have zero hours.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-05-25T16:10:14+00:00

Friendship and sexuality are not at all mutually exclusive. Men and women both create a false dichotomy around this. I have friends who are attractive women who I would sleep with if they threw themselves at me, but I don't care and don't think about it otherwise. I assume they are not interested in that so my attention and energy for that kind of project go elsewhere. Let me put it country simple: if you perceive that a woman isn't interested in you sexually it is a boner killer, not, as the stereotype implies, a signal to try harder and keep hope alive.

The reason we may not be typically close friends is that as we date other people we become less available and mixed gender friendships seem less kosher.

My best friend now is an ex, no sexual attraction at all (part of the reason we became exes was lack of compatibility in that regard). We hang out, text, etc, but when one of us finally starts dating again that may happen less.

decoy88 · 2021-05-25T15:15:34+00:00

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BoogersAndSugar · 2021-05-25T16:29:23+00:00

Many times while growing up, I've made friends with girls I had absolutely no sexual interest in. Some of them I'm still friends with 20 years later. Never did anything sexual with them or even tried to.

TemperateSloth · 2021-05-25T15:26:32+00:00

I think it’s totally possible. Men will often remember their female friends who there was no romantic connections with, but I think women are often unsure if their friends secretly want to be with them.

If they hooked up previously, they could still be friends but it’s much less likely. Additionally if they did, any considerate partner will understand your concerns and fear, even if they might still refuse to end the friendship. Even if he considers her a friend, she could have feels and it’s worth addressing it with him.

Captslackbladder · 2021-05-25T15:57:21+00:00

I mostly disagree, though not fully. It might be because I come from a European country and our standards differ, but I do have close male friends with whom there is mutual no romantic or sexual potential, at all, on both sides.

I was raised with lots of male and female friends from childhood, so having friends of both gender was very much normalized. To this day, we catch up, sometimes on whatsapp, sometimes in group settings, sometimes 1on1 and catch a coffee or a movie when we can.

Extrapolating from my personal experience, I think a lot of it is based on how children are raised. If the girls are mostly or usually encouraged to play with other girls and vice versa than that kind of behaviour is likely to stick.

Also, men being open to having sex with their female friend is not the same as men having an active desire for it. Men are much more opportunistic when it comes to sex in my experience, so the fact that they would want to have sex if both were single and she was coming onto him, doesnt mean that they are thirsting for their women friends all the time and are not being a true friend. Similarly, the fact that I briefly had a crush on one of my guy friends when I was 14 doesnt mean that I havent long since got over it, and that we havent remained real, true friends in the past 10 years since then.

The fact that everything has to be 100% platonic, from start to finish, with zero hiccups along the road, for it to be able to continue having the label of platonic is baffling to me.

That said, meeting someone and having the hots for them, and actively pursing them as a friend is shady, and not what a true friend makes.

I do agree with your point of if there is constant communication in between hangouts, regular confiding, texting every night before bedtime, competing with the SO of their friend for attention, then what they have is a surrogate relationship hidden under the guise of friendship, whether they admit it or not.

So yes, I do think it's very real and happens, but both childhood raising, starting the friendship on equal footing, being respectful of the friends partner, and not holding the friendship to impossible standards are all key factors. But sadly a lot of people fail at it.

passepar2t · 2021-05-25T16:13:35+00:00

That's ridiculous. I've had lots of really good female friends whom I didn't want to fuck even in the slightest (and vice versa). And so have most of my male friends. Evidently, you're a weirdo who lives a century ago. How is having friends not wholly platonic?

NMFlamez · 2021-05-25T15:33:22+00:00

Im a straight man. I have a few female friends who Im not interested in. Maybe Im an expection to the rule.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-05-25T15:27:59+00:00

My lifelong best friend is a guy (our parents were childhood best friends, and we were raised together from the time we were babies). There is not, and never will be, anything sexual between us - the thought is off putting to us both

And I’ve mentioned before that I was surprised by the number of “friends” that hit on me after my divorce, but I was also pleasantly surprised by the ones who didn’t - there was a group of guys who were genuinely not interested in hitting on me, and were more concerned with my mental well being

It can happen

NiceGuyNumber4 · 2021-05-25T16:28:24+00:00

I've had a few close female friends over the years. Only works when at least one of us is dating someone and we keep really good boundaries. Female friends are good for hearing RP straight from the horses mouth.

Red-Chad · 2021-05-25T16:06:46+00:00

There is a woman I talked to online for a while. She is Japanese and in her late 30s, but living in the US. I am in my early 30s and live in Europe.

I have absolutely no romantic or sexual interest in her, just like she has absolutely no romantic or sexual interest in me.

But she is a great person and I enjoyed talking to her very much. She is intelligent, funny and an all-around good woman. If I lived closer to her, I would definitely want to be her friend and spend time with her.

peachycreaam · 2021-05-26T00:51:47+00:00

Seems like most people are not even reading the OP. She isn’t talking about friend GROUPS and old classmates and co-workers that you catch up with and message sometimes. She means one-on-one “good/best friends”. And IMO, the answer is no it can’t be strictly platonic. Very rarely, that is. We’ve all heard that Usher song..

Even here on Reddit, you’ll see posts from women who are hurt and jealous because their male best friend is getting married or got a girlfriend. If he’s a platonic “bro” , why would him finding love be painful?

Add to that, men, especially young men say under 40 never pursue unattractive, fat women to be friends, noticed that? Men are only nice and go out of their way to help pretty women, come on y’all I thought we weren’t PC on this sub.

Learningtolove2021 · 2021-05-25T15:52:36+00:00

This is a pretty juvenile video of relationships. My husband has close female friends and I have close male friends. This can work when either:

You are not attracted to each other. For example most of my husbands female friends are older than him and not his type
You grew up together. I think this can induce the Westermarck effect where you see each other as siblings. This is the case with most of my male friends (known each other since we were kids, parents are friends with each other)

Even if these two conditions are not met, normal people who aren’t walking genitalia can still form purely platonic friendships with the opposite gender. Not being able to compartmentalize your sexual interest and establish boundaries is low IQ.

Classic_Touch · 2021-05-25T17:14:45+00:00

I tried a few times to be close friends with men. They all said and made it appear like we were just good friends. You live and learn. They can't do it. However, my gay friends can do it. I believe some rare men can or they just never have the guts to try. Also how many of you who have true female friends you don't have sex with that are attractive in your eyes? Curious

BaiKingu · 2021-05-25T16:11:20+00:00

This is easily possible, anyone who hasn't seen it doesn't likely have a strong & broad social circle. For example, a man i've slept with has a female friend he's very close with, i've grown close to her too. EVERYONE always assumes they are a couple or that they have fucked or will eventually fuck, but, they are both attractive people with various options already, and they met in a time of life where they had partners already, and were strictly platonic, on top of the fact that they are not each others type sexually, they describe each other as feeling like siblings, and I think we all recognize that sexual feelings involving siblings or those who seem as close is a complete no go. They've been around each other drunk many many times, if they wanted to fuck, it would've happened, but it doesn't. Maybe especially because the man i'm describing is already surrounded by many women already he doesn't see the need to make every woman a possible sexual target.

protaganistic · 2021-05-25T16:47:12+00:00

Can gay guys be friends?

I have 2 close female friends. 1 of them I find quite attractive, and would have sex with her if not for social consequences. But I choose not to make a move because she’s my friend. I am the master of my destiny, not my dick.

Luna99NB · 2021-05-25T17:35:34+00:00

It depends I guess? What I have seen is Hot men with high n-count tend to spend more time with girls they are not sexually interested in(however those girls are interested in them)

xFallacyx69 · 2021-05-25T20:18:18+00:00

Female friends, sexy or not, are great for confirmation bias of my more aggressive redpill theories

I pity the dudes that date some of my chick friends tbh

Novadina · 2021-05-25T15:16:25+00:00

I have close male friends. One of my closest friends is a man who has never lived in the same state as me, we text, talk, and occasionally visit. It’s always been platonic, I have been with my husband the whole time we’ve known each other, and he married a mutual friend. I have a few guy friends that always have been platonic like that, and one who I dated 20 years ago for about a year as a teenager. We’ve been good friends since, but that is the only guy friend I have who was anything something else. Most of my guy friends I met at work or online video games.

Some I’ve become friends with before they even know what I look like, and they are often married already, I don’t think they were just so turned on by my voice that they became friends with me with secret hopes to fly across the world and have sex with me, but somehow never actually tried in 10 years. I go hiking pretty regularly with my husband and some mutual guy friends, we went to all the married ones’ weddings.

Some men actually like some women as people and share interests with them and not just want them for sex.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-05-25T15:16:22+00:00

I have a couple of female acquaintances you could call friends even though we're really more-so just business contacts. Both are married and both I have zero sexual interest in.

SOME guys seem to have a LOT of female friends and are sexually interested (whether they'll openly admit it or not) in MOST of them. In fact, studies have shown (insert name of study here TBA) that most men will sleep with most of their female friends given a chance.

So yeah, lots of simps probably keep female friends around to "be there for her" (lol) when she breaks up with her boyfriend.

These guys are the lowest form of life and are a waste of testicles.

Whisper · 2021-05-25T16:12:45+00:00

Men invest effort in anyone, regardless of sex, who makes that experience rewarding.

What you are noticing is not that men don't want friends who happen to be women, but that women are generally bad friends to have.

If you do something for a man today, he tends to believe he owes you something, and he will try to do something for you tomorrow.

If you do something for a woman today, she tends to believe you now owe her that thing, and she is entitled to it again tomorrow.

Women aren't generally worth befriending unless you are sleeping with them, because they only make an effort for men they are sexually attracted to.

TheChocolateBarsGuy · 2021-05-25T15:40:31+00:00

No shit. It would be a waste of fucking time 😂

TheOffice_Account · 2021-05-25T17:40:59+00:00

(a man wanting to be my close friend but having no sexual attraction to me, and it’s not as though I’m all that), but I am in a running debate with my SO about whether it is possible for a heterosexual man to spend significant time and energy in a personal life context on a straight woman he doesn’t have some type of designs on (or she on him).

Dude here. I have/have had several close women friends, some of who I find really attractive, but I'm not interested in anything sexual with them. Not an American though, and I know this tends to be rare among Americans.

bigboymanny · 2021-05-25T18:18:16+00:00

I have female friends that im just not trying to date at all. Some of em are people who i tried to date but werent interested others are just women i met and became friends with. My closest friend rn is a women i wanted to date but she wasnt interested. We hang out and have fin and avt as emotional support for each other. I value her more than most of my male friends. Were both damaged people so we get each other i guess.

illegallad · 2021-05-25T18:28:08+00:00

I have a few platonic female friends but many women severely overestimate how pleasurable their company is.

analt223 · 2021-05-25T18:35:27+00:00

As a dude who never gets romance and or sex, i dont have time to seek out women for just platonic. Ive done that already, im lonely

trail22 · 2021-05-25T19:56:27+00:00

I used to run marathons. I woulkd go out with groups. I would meet people who ran my pace. So I would run with these people. They would plan training routes and mileage. They would plan races to attend sometimes travel to in another state. We pushed each other and even competed with each other.

It was great for me. I wasnt much of a planner and a bit too much of a loner. I met people who would go out of their way to contact me to run with. They would plan travels to marathons, like which plane to take or which, hotel to stay in. I didnt have to do much.

Did it matter these people were women. we had the same goal and supported each other with our goals. Personally I feel like I got the better end of the deal in the friendships. I feel like I got more then I gave. Now could I have done this in my 20's. Probably not. But in my thirties; sure.

We never talked about our personal lives. We never talked about enything really negative. I liked having someone to plan and Im sure it helps to have a guy to run with when you are in the middle of nowhere.

thoughtfulandthotful · 2021-05-25T20:18:18+00:00

I agree. I’m a straight man and one of my top 2 closest friends is a straight woman. We are both “conventionally attractive” and many others believe we’ve fooled around on the low, although in reality nothing sexual/romantic has ever happened between us. My friendship with her seems to be an anomaly (we bonded/act like siblings), as most of my straight male friends only have (non-familial/professional) women in their personal lives that currently/previously have/had some level of sexual/romantic attraction on one or both ends. Literally every other (non-familial/professional) woman in my life, I have a sexual relationship with. I think the relative lack of platonic relationships between straight men and women, as well as the belief that they actually exist and have value, are key reasons why many people are so clueless about heterosexual dating and come to forums like this in search of answers.

OldSimpsonsisbetter · 2021-05-25T21:47:28+00:00

It is possible, but the woman must have male interests + a male way of thinking, and she must not dress or advertise herself as a sex object.

It's very difficult to find all these things in 1 woman. Maximum 2-3% of women are like this. Most women succumb to temptation and dress as sex objects for male desire and attention. Many women also prefer makeup, partying and social media over science, maths and logic driven pursuits.

SpongebobSadpants · 2021-05-25T22:39:42+00:00

All of my friends are women. All 10 of them. For the most part I have never had anything more than the platonic thing. One of them used to be a love interest a while back but we are fairly incompatible in the sense of relationships.

Yes it's my experience only, but I have specific interests that men don't really like, like lingerie as an example, no dudes will just be like huh lets discuss lingerie. I also find women much more sensible than men, most men try to act the whole macho even behind closed doors and it's meh. Another quality women posess is brains. I am tired of hanging out with dudes and boom someone makes some retarded sexist joke.

MattyAnon · 2021-05-26T13:34:30+00:00

I am in a running debate with my SO about whether it is possible for a heterosexual man to spend significant time and energy in a personal life context on a straight woman he doesn’t have some type of designs on (or she on him)

Of course it's possible, but friendship has to benefit both parties. Women-as-friends bring little to the table. How often do women buy the drinks? How often does the woman actually have good insight into improvements to the man's life? How often does the woman proactively make the steps to make the get together happen?

When a woman thinks "it would be nice to be friends with this man" she really means "this man offers something to me". She forgets that men expect something from the friendship too. Women are too used to men doing things for them to even think to reciprocate.

My basic point is that women tend to be passive, are rarely generous, and almost never offer useful insight, advice, support or help. In short - why WOULD a man be friends with someone like that?

0112358f · 2021-05-28T11:43:24+00:00

I suspect what you consider a "close friend" is not how male friends treat other men. So any guy trying to be a "close friend" is interested in more than friendship.

If you've ever been part of a group of guys who do some activity and invite you along actively, congratulations - you've achieved "male platonic friendship"

12inchbamboo · 2021-05-25T14:56:14+00:00

I'm a man. I will only have friendship with a woman if she is ugly enough not to be bedded and she can be used to score other ladies. Other than that nothing exists.

It might he a bitter pill to swallow, but sexual world is amoral.

CockAFuckityFuck · 2021-05-25T16:51:14+00:00

Sweetie, the only reason we talk to women is for sex.

Murphysmongoose · 2021-05-25T15:30:59+00:00

Am straight dude, and do have at least one straight chick friend where we are close enough to be considered, "homies" (would/could/do tell each other anything to get a real deal honest answer) and there is 100% mutually no sexual attraction.

I do have other chick friends, but yes, we start getting into things like her being a lesbian, big age differences, or one of us could possibly be friend flirting with the other sometimes... So can't 100% say one would never sleep with the other.

Edit: InB4, "Is she ugly?" She's not ugly, and I've surely slept with her smv equals. She's too dude-ish for me I guess. She's also into really big dudes, dudes that make her look tiny and feminine. So there's no secret crush on me either. Her dude could crush me like a soda can.

Allblackallamerican · 2021-05-25T15:31:22+00:00

Every single hetero male - hetero female genuinely platonic relationship is based off the individual factor between those specific two individual human beings that the man somewhere in his mind, be it subconsciously or consciously, feels that he has, can, is, and will in the future do better than her. I’d also remark to this that the existence of a bunch of genuinely platonic male friends in a woman’s life signals that she may not be as attractive as she thinks. With men though, it’s the inverse. How many women do you see lining up to be friends with ~~incels~~ sexually unattractive and unsuccessful men?

Because of how men are naturally wired, if a woman is the baddest woman or among the baddest women in our atmosphere, men aren’t normally just trying to be her friend; not when she’s that tough of a flex for men. The main and typically the only reason why a man would settle for friendship with a woman like that is if by virtue of her being her, she’s bringing value to his life in the form of other women or more money.

Of course there are extenuating circumstances, but the point remains the points

Learningtolove2021 · 2021-05-25T15:29:20+00:00

Are you sure you're in your mid 40's? Mature folks enjoy personal flirtations that do nothing but the day pass more quickly.

Ignoring sexual desire for female friends/acquaintenances is something well adjusted dudes get past in high school, college at latest.

MidnightRaspberries · 2021-05-25T15:18:41+00:00

Of course men and women can be platonic friends. You think that your fathers and brothers want nothing to do with you because they can’t sleep with you? What a juvenile view of relationships. I bet a lot of people on here commenting that it’s not possible will be younger than 30.

Hoopy223 · 2021-05-25T15:45:59+00:00

Its rare. Maybe if you have something tying you together such as a shared business. Most men prefer to be with other men doing manly stuff.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-05-25T15:24:27+00:00

Literally every normy, millenial/ gen z friend group is mixed gendered.

I think you're out of touch or on the fringe of society

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wtknight · 2021-05-25T15:40:52+00:00

If we shared some hobby in common then I would do it. Otherwise, no. I’m sure other guys who are friendlier than me might, though.

CubicleHermit · 2021-05-25T16:00:19+00:00

Defining "significant time and energy" is the rub there; I think a lot of men are not very good at what you'd call spending "significant time and energy" on any relationship in that sense unless pushed from the other side, thrown together by circumstances (work/school, or actively on a hobby), or pursuing them sexually - the latter being impossible to keep up if the interest isn't reciprocated.

I have long-term hobby friends, former work friends, and former classmates, who I've been in touch with for years and in some cases decades for the former classmates - I am around your age, mid-40s. Gender irrelevant, over the long haul, we are in touch intermittently, and occasionally will meet in person when convenient. For the friendship to last, it pretty much requires being able to pick up after long gaps, and I'm sure I've lost other friends whose idea of friendship requires more active maintenance.

I suspect you'd call them "acquaintances," which may or may not be accurate.

If there is a common denominator to the women who I've kept in touch with, it is that virtually all of them were either uninteresting sexually or clearly unavailable. I think many folks of either sex would have the patience to keep in touch over years (either on and off or more continuously) just because someone might be available at some point in the future.

Idesmi · 2021-05-25T16:02:13+00:00

To me, sexual attraction is mainly a choice. If I don't want to see a person as a sexual being, I won't.

Of course I'm still attracted to the female body and my female friends' too, but I mean, they know it and are attracted to male bodies too. I think they are good-looking and they know I think that. Acknowledging a person's sexuality only opens a choice for you. When you get to understand that, you can even talk about each other's sexuality as openly as you want, because you trust each other's choices.

Just my opinion.

throwaway89023890 · 2021-05-25T16:16:52+00:00

Males are socialised out of such interaction. Why do you think there are so many young male gamers from early on in comparison to females?

SouthernGrass3 · 2021-05-25T16:51:17+00:00

I do think men and women can be very close friends, but you have to vet way harder than for same sex friendships (if you are straight) and be mindful of boundaries.

I think your best bet is if the man has a strong type, and you dont fit into it at all.

One of the biggest questions to ask yourself when if doubt if someone is being friendly because of romantic/physical interest ; would this person still be enthusiastic about hanging out out with me if I were an ugly dude? If the answer is no, they you may want to reconsider the friendship; it doesn’t mean the person is at all malicious, but it likely means the friendship isn’t that healthy.

Complaining about the friend zone is also a red flag.

SaBahRub · 2021-05-25T17:30:45+00:00

Only if they see women as a means to sex

Which is a lot of men, but not all

AskingToFeminists · 2021-05-25T17:50:45+00:00

One of my best friend is a woman I have absolutely no sexual attraction towards.

The question then is : "how do you select your friends?"

Because if that has never happened to you, it might just be a big selection bias.

She's even more into geek stuff than I am, and so we have plenty of things to talk about, to share, and to do when we are together. With time spent together came closeness, and so we also shared plenty of other stuff.

Think of it this way :

How many good friends do you have? Not much I'm willing to bet, as a good friend is something that takes a lot of time to create.

Usually, good friends are created when you spend time together on a common thing. Lots of friends are created at school as you are forced in the same activities with the same big group of people for a long time.

Now, how do you spend your time? If it is mostly "girly" stuff, then most likely, all your friends will be girls, just out of how friends are made.

Most of my friends are men because most of my hobbies are things that attract almost exclusively men.

Few are the women who can enjoy spending several hours a day on a computer game, or creating elaborate decks of trading cards, or preparing the next rpg campaign. Few will spend hours discussing about the intricacies of the lore of some sci-fi TV show or fantasy book. She can and she will.

If just reading about those things makes you think "oh my god, that sounds awful, I'd rather die", then you know why we aren't friends : the chances of us meeting, let alone spending enough time together to develop a friendship are incredibly slim.

It might be that we do have some interest in common that would be ground to grow a deep bond between us, and we might become the best friends of the world, should that happen, but the probabilities are slimmer than with someone that would also like those things, as we would be more likely to meet, more likely to have something to talk about if we do, and so more likely to grow a friendship.

There's also the fact that there are many more men who are starved of positive attention, and that men have a lower bar for women they are attracted to. So unless a woman is really, really not the type of a man, if they have some kind of friendship, a man starved of positive attention might be more willing to have it develop into something more.

But it is entirely possible.

I would add, if you are having this debate with your SO because he has a female friend and you want to argue that it can't be platonic in order to get him to stop to see her, this kind of behavior is abusive. Don't be that woman.

Brae_Andrews · 2021-05-25T18:17:19+00:00

Because Men will be always required to Pay the Bills if he gets involved with a Woman, might as well....

henryrollinsismypup · 2021-05-25T18:40:20+00:00

My best friend is a guy and we have ZERO romantic connection. Never have, never will. It is 100% possible.

Lateralanouncer · 2021-05-25T19:07:07+00:00

Defiantly not. I had several female friends who I hang with and I don't feel sexual with them. Still. If they want sex I will fuck them.

Pilling_it · 2021-05-25T19:33:10+00:00

Well, man-woman friendship is possible provided there's no sexual attraction whatsoever (so no risk to develop feeling). For that case it'd be probably childhood friends, if you want to spend some time. It's possible too if they hooked up, saw it wouldn't work when sobered up, and are adults about it.

For the energy, it's another story, especially the emotional side. It's a lot to deal with that considering how men work (can lightly listen to get out of system, and mostly here when it's absolutely needed), so I don't think any man that isn't interested in her for more will do that. And those who say they do are pretty much deluding themselves if you ask me.

sweetlike314 · 2021-05-25T19:53:37+00:00

I have a friend like this from college. We’ve been friends for probably 15 years now and still catch up on the phone a number of times a year. I’ve lost touch with a lot of my other college guy friends due to distance and time but he and I have always kept up to date with each other’s lives. He is happily married with a 2nd kid on the way. It’s true we don’t spend “significant time” together but I don’t spend significant time with many people anymore outside my own relationship.

jasonology09 · 2021-05-25T19:58:02+00:00

As with most everything in life, it's not 100%, but in my experience/observation, it's very rare for men and women to be strictly platonic friends who spend time together significantly outside of a mixed, group setting.

Extremely__Moderate · 2021-05-25T23:23:47+00:00

When I was young, the answer was “no”. Now that I’m older and less sexually supercharged, sure... I could have female friends.

TheConsumateCracker · 2021-05-25T20:14:34+00:00

My 2 cents:
I'm 40M and have been through a divorce. It is because of that divorce I've gone through multiple healing/sharing program groups that were co-ed. I would listen to men and women alike tell about intimate details of their life and past relationships. Because of sharing this deep, intimate setting with these women, it has finally come about in my life that I can finally call a couple of women "friend". I call them up to talk things out just as any other man. Also about these 2 particular women: I am not physically attracted to either of them. They're too big for me. If I haven't already conveniently shared a deep experience with a woman, I'm not going to try to become friends with her. If I am attracted to the woman, then I will take the risk and pursue her. If she rejects me, I leave her alone (even after having a relationship with her no matter how long).

MarkBoabaca · 2021-05-25T20:39:56+00:00

Straight man, 50+ here.

Not sure if this falls into your point, but my ex-wife (1993 to 1997) and I are good friends. We live in the same town, talk on the phone, hang out, etc. She is an attractive woman by any standard, but I'm not interested in her for anything other than friendship. Been there done that, and, to my knowledge, she isn't interested in me either.

Shells23 · 2021-05-25T20:52:04+00:00

I have had several, though i do have a female friend who i am very close to, yet do not have any attraction to. She and I even had our respective LTR end around the same time, have drank alone together, and even went on a week long vacation together. We are both straight, yet have never even had the inclination for a sexual relationship. That's just not the nature of our relationship. We are simply close friends.

FIVE_6_MAFIA · 2021-05-25T20:59:32+00:00

Only creepy, predatory men who can't get laid and have no options are the ones unable to have a platonic friendship with an attractive woman.

NephilimXXXX · 2021-05-25T21:42:05+00:00

Nah. I have female friends. I'm not attracted to over 80% of the women I meet. So, it's real easy not to try to sleep with or date them.

If you're wondering why I hang around with them: same reason I hang around with guy friends. I'm not trying to sleep with them, either.

vial_of_music · 2021-05-25T21:43:41+00:00

One of my close friends is a man and since we’ve grown up together it’s too much like sibling-ish to ever be romantically and sexually involved. We have been on a ton of trips together (group trips) and probably hangout twice a month- he also calls me whenever, but it’s strictly platonic

erik443 · 2021-05-25T22:03:42+00:00

thats the weirdest bullshit ive ever heard

sdwdqw65 · 2021-05-25T22:36:47+00:00

I’ve only ever been able to get two kinds of platonic friendships with women to work out.

The first is when I had no attraction to her at all (unfortunately these ladies often would end up becoming attracted to me even though I’m not attracted to them but then attracted to women who aren’t attracted to me, story of life lol).

The other was when the woman was not only already taken but so obviously out of my league that I’d never been bother trying. I can be friends with these kinds of women too.

The problem comes when it’s a woman you’re attracted to and you think you have a realistic shot at attracting her. Those are th kinds of women who I can’t be platonic friends with.

Throwaway_for_redd · 2021-05-25T22:50:12+00:00

Yeah no. I have no interest in my female friends

Wacam0Lex · 2021-05-25T23:29:33+00:00

I have a lot of straight female friends, we’re very close and I’m not sexually attracted to them, they’re like any other male friend to me

Jim_from_snowy_river · 2021-05-26T06:02:45+00:00

I absolutely get a long with women a lot more than men. But I guess I don’t count being hetero-flexible/Bi.

RadicalTrigger · 2021-05-26T06:49:55+00:00

Yea this post is pretty spot on with some solid responses. I love this thread, very objective, thoughtful, and honest. As a heterosexual man (29m) I feel this pretty well in my friend group. Although I do value the friendships I have with women, I notice that the ones I’ve put most effort into are ones where I was sexually interested. Obvious exception being family.

AreOut · 2021-05-26T08:37:56+00:00

Straight men will be close friends with straight women if they are the ones initiating the friendship, if a woman says we can be (just) friends the friendship is over at the very moment.

KurkTheMagnificent · 2021-05-25T16:41:53+00:00

Masculine and feminine minds cannot be platonic friends. I don't use the term friend very loosely like most though. A friend to me is someone who bonded with me over a mutual struggle; someone you can trust with your life if necessary. Think squad buddies in the military, or even sports team comradery.

Most women and guys do not share common hobbies, so there you go.

I like:

- high risk mountain biking

- riding sports bikes

- driving fast/cool cars and tinkering with them

- flying airplanes

- mma/karate/fighting

- (Common theme here is high-risk & physical---not something most feminine personalities are avid of)

Most women (feminine ones particularly) do not share these interests, though I have seen exceptions to this rule. Often times these type of women were raised by fathers who got them into the hobby at an early age.

As Rich Cooper puts it, a true friend is someone you wouldn't hesitate to help if they showed up to your house with a dead body in the trunk they needed to dispose of.

I have female and 'beta' guy acquaintances, but we have nothing to really bond over. Few shared interests if any.

Learningtolove2021 · 2021-05-25T16:58:18+00:00

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ArguesAgainstYou · 2021-05-25T15:14:14+00:00

Oh they might have a real friendship, if it's clear that she's not interested and never will be.

Nago31 · 2021-05-25T16:12:10+00:00

I can give some of my personal history as an anecdote.

Through my 20’s, I had a robust social life in the bar scene with lots of friends of both genders. Mostly male but a few women in there as well. There was one girl who I pursued initially but she turned me down. Later she pursued me but I turned her down. We remained friends through both rejections. Not best friends, rarely texting but mostly Facebook but always happy to see each other. She moved away for college and I was on a road trip to see some friends that were on the other side of where she lived so I stopped by to stay for the night to catch up. On the way back home, I through a different city to visit my friend’s ex-girlfriend for lunch. Also strictly platonic despite that I think we found each other attractive.

I think it depends on the people.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-05-25T15:15:07+00:00

whether it is possible for a heterosexual man to spend significant time and energy in a personal life context on a straight woman he doesn’t have some type of designs on (or she on him).

It's possible under very limited circumstances. Those men are omegas or close to it, can't get laid, and are spending this kind of time with a woman because it's the only kind of time he can spend with a woman, and a platonic long distance sexless relationship with a woman is better to him in his mind than no contact with women at all. She also has to be unattractive to him sexually.

hopemoom · 2021-05-25T18:26:59+00:00

I wonder if people who grew up with opposite sex siblings fare better at having opposite sex friends without any sexual/romantic feelings. As a woman I like to talk about feelings and all that but most men don't want to talk about their feelings with women they're not intimate with. If they talk about their feelings they would fall for me. The ones that's in touch with their feelings usually had female siblings.

jytrader · 2021-05-26T01:37:52+00:00

I’m friends with multiple women I have zero intention of sleeping with, even if they literally called me up and ask. There’s girls I want be inside, and there’s girls I *don’t *.

My lack of attraction doesn’t equate to willingness to spend time with them, especially when/if they’re decent company/helpful in other ways. I’m still friends with women from college (10 years ago) I have no intention of having sex with (never have).

I won’t lie, it’s a lot easier to be friends with girls I don’t want sexually, and I’m an athletic guy attracted to skinny girls in a relatively hefty town anyway (so that number slims down). Also the older we all get, the fewer of the women I know I find attractive physically in our age range anyway.

tiposk · 2021-05-25T15:00:02+00:00

Many of my close friends are men. Back in my country, I hanged out with them, watched youtube, had them over at my place for dinner and did the usual stuff I would do with women. Some of them admitted being sexually interested in me. Sometimes it was me who wanted more but never admitted it, and most of the time there wasn't any sexual tension between us at all. Whether attraction was present or not, we kept hanging out with no problem. You can be friends with heterosexual men, you can even be friends with heterosexual men you want to fuck and men who want to fuck you because friendship can exist outside the realm of sexual attraction.

Henry_Blair · 2021-05-25T16:32:55+00:00

Goes without saying. And to women who disagree, try to understand that anything else is for a straight the equivalent of castration. Please don't try "to change that" - that would be oppression. Accept it out of acknowledging that men are human and have human dignity that you have to respect, yes, accepting our innate nature is respecting our human dignity.

Here is a study.

Science Says Men and Women Can't Be (Just) Friends The "When Harry Met Sally" effect is alive and well. Kelly Bourdet by Kelly Bourdet October 25, 2012, 6:53pm

The When Harry Met Sally research effect is alive and well in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationship. A new study, Benefit of burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship (PDF), presents a study’s findings on heterosexual men and women’s experiences with cross-sex “platonic” friendships.

But doesn’t it seem like sociological researchers are always asking this question? They are, and this time their answer is yes, platonic friendships are possible if you’re a woman. But since a platonic male-female friendship requires both a man and a woman, it seems their real answer is no.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/4xx3yd/future-sex-science-says-men-and-women-can-t-be-just-friends--2

DaBlockObama · 2021-05-25T15:53:29+00:00

I think it’s possible, just rare. Because women often aren’t very cool. This is a huge issue that people don’t talk about often enough. If women were cool as hell and had a lot of awesome personality to offer, then I would love to hang out with them.

I remember this one time I hooked up with my two friends, a guy and a girl. And we were all thirsty for some weed. It took us a while to find some, and we were complaining.

Once we got the weed and smoked it, the atmosphere changed, and we became very happy. Me and the dude started freestyle rapping about how much we enjoyed smoking weed, and we ourselves identified as actually being weed on some level metaphorically . It was very silly and nerdy and thuggish and a lot of fun.

But the girl didn’t want to rap, she wasn’t good with rhymes or rhythm, or with expressing herself musically or creatively. She wasn’t confident, or quick witted. She was just like a stick in the mud.

Now idk if it’s because she was a woman or what. I guess it was sort of a “bro” activity. But this is the twenty-first century, we are all equal, we don’t care about gender roles anymore. When I’m having a bro-down, and you are my female bro, then I expect you to bro-down with me.

Imwaymoreflythanyou · 2021-05-25T15:53:57+00:00

I don’t think any woman would want to be friends with me to begin with if I wasn’t attracted to them.

Without the attraction I’d most certainly come across as boring and uninteresting to them as I wouldn’t ever go out of my way to be funny/interesting/useful or to show my personality.

They would never see that side of me or wouldn’t even notice my existence to begin with. The attraction from my part or theirs is what initially brings us together. Also I’m very introverted and am happy keeping myself to myself for the most part, maybe it’s a different story with extroverted men.

sumilia · 2021-05-25T15:57:13+00:00

I am a woman, and so grateful I have some quality male friends who have been there for me 100%. They feel like they could be my siblings. Two of them and I say I love you to each other. I have been a wingwoman for a couple of them too. Also had a bestie male roommate and it was so great living together, better than any female roommate I had. The only reason he moved out was because he bought a house.

I have waaaaay more quality men as platonic friends than anyone who wants to sex me. I imagine lower quality, less worldly, less mature people have trouble having real friendships.

looozooop · 2021-05-25T19:18:50+00:00

In my experience, men who have female friends (both straight) are guys who truly enjoy socializing and getting to know people, and of course don’t see women as uninteresting beings with tits and a vagina. They don’t just view women as a mating tool. They don’t look at the fact that women are “talkative” as bad, because they also enjoy conversations. On the other hand, men who have typically zero female friends and try to have them, usually aren’t really their friends and were expecting more which causes frustration. They see being friends with women as emotional labor because they never actually enjoyed their presence in the first place. So it’s not a straight men thing, it’s just about what kind of man he is. Usually they are men who had female friends throughout their lives, from childhood to adulthood.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-05-25T18:24:23+00:00

Really? I have plenty of straight male friends and we're genuinely just friends. They haven't asked me out and we haven't overstepped boundaries. Some of my straight male friends have even gotten into serious relationships since becoming friends with me.

millhouse75 · 2021-05-26T01:35:28+00:00

Sorry but a man is basically trying to hook up especially if it’s happened once before!🤷🏻‍♂️

Jaylen-Gads · 2021-05-25T15:35:57+00:00

This is a stupid post, any man who has a mother or sister spends time with them without being romantically or sexually attracted to them all the time. Its called family? Really, the quality of posts on PPD are going down tremendously.

SlackerAccount · 2021-05-25T16:01:34+00:00

Sucks for you but I’m great friends with women in my life and def don’t want to have sex with them.

UrbanFarmerSB · 2021-05-25T16:10:48+00:00

What do you have to offer for a man to want to be your friend and nothing else? One of my closest friends is in fact a female, but there has never been sexual attraction between us and our friendship adds value to each other’s lives.

In my experience most females who want to be just friends with me still took time and resources without giving much if anything in return, it was a one way street. In many ways, my friendship with her is like any other friendship with a man, which is rare in my experience.

ThouWontThrowaway · 2021-05-25T16:22:02+00:00

There's no point in having straight female friends. Women are boring to men and emotionally draining. We wouldn't put up with women if they didn't improve our status amongst our peers, help us expand our social circle and if they didn't have holes we can insert our penis into.

inkedblooms · 2021-05-25T16:36:44+00:00

I’m 31 years old and my best friend is a guy. He has a long term girlfriend and he and I have been friends for 5 years. Nothing has ever happened between us. Because we don’t want it to. We enjoy each other’s company a lot. We met in a city I used to live in. Since moving from that city we text weekly and check in on each other. I’m going to be the best man in his wedding. He’s coming to my baby shower.

LilacCarlo · 2021-05-25T21:47:17+00:00

So many of these threads are so generalized. Maybe this is somthing that statistically shows up, but hoe many people have no back bone & expect things to come to them, rather them work on it, or even better yet, work on themselves.

When someone is healthy & knows themselves, working on normal self matinence on mental and physical, they wouldn't see their options so dwindled down. The only girl they talk to they want to fuck. Well they're not going to be attracted to someone who doesn't do anything with themselves.

I just read this headline and I'm like, jeez, if I couldn't talk to women normally with out any feelings for them, platonic friendships, any kind of relationship would never come to fruition. Cannot we all just get along

RandomUser8467 · 2021-05-25T21:54:10+00:00

Any man who does not have genuine friendships with women fundamentally does not think women are people.

I(F) have a number of male friends. Some have been attracted to me at some point and I’ve been attracted to some of them at some point and we’ve gotten past it.

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-05-25T15:40:43+00:00

I (51M) am friends with several women that are long distance. Whether or not I spend "significant" time with them I dunno, but I've visited them and they've visited me several times. I text or call each probably once a week, maybe a little less, like twice a month.

The degree of my sexual interest is a spectrum--I would probably sleep with any of them if the situation arose, but for a variety of reasons it's clearly off the table with each. I'm not simping or orbiting, I value their friendship on it's own terms even without hope of sex.

The only women that I have no sexual interest in are overweight ones, and I find it difficult to be friends with them too. We just don't have compatible lifestyles, as a rule.

drunkendemon483 · 2021-05-25T15:41:14+00:00

My bestie is a female. Probably shouldn't lump everyone into categories, however in most situations its difficult to be just friends with the sex you're attracted to

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-05-25T15:44:20+00:00

Eh that's not entirely true. You can be friends/have compatible personalities without being sexually or romantically attracted to a person. It's just that it's more difficult to be friends with someone that you're sexually interested in. I've noticed that from both sides. Women whom I thought were friends disappeared or became more distant/cold when they found the partner I could tell that they were looking for.

Edit: Unpopular opinion: I actually like being the single guy among married people or couples. Sexual interest and attraction always makes hanging out complicated and drama usually follows, so being able to talk to people without those things is refreshing.

i_amtheice · 2021-05-25T15:47:40+00:00

I’ll be regular friends with women. Men can and should be platonic friends with women. It’s easier if I’m not attracted to them/they’re taken but as long as they’re not trying to string me along/disrespecting my time I’m happy to have women friends.

Problem with being attracted is you tend to get taken advantage of ie used for validation, feelings, favors, etc. A woman who does that isn’t your friend anyway.

2021-05-25T16:04:11+00:00

it can't happen because even among males those who hang together often are of similar-ish attractiveness. like if you flip biological gender of a man's friend he'd probably fuck 'em. #2 men have much lower standards when it comes to just sex. average looking women or even below average but have a nice body will be good enough for a man most of the time if the woman initiated. men cannot have just pure platonic attention towards a female friend (who isn't ugly) only because of this added layer of sexual urge that supersedes the friendship that you already have with them.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2021-05-25T16:14:29+00:00

I don't give significant time, but I do make myself available to my close friends when I can.

I've booked up with a friend. In my experience, it often leads to falling out.

omniscient_scorpion · 2021-05-25T16:51:47+00:00

It exists. I am a man and I have multiple female long distance friends who I care a great deal about. With that being said, there were a few instances of flirting with some of them but both parties knew nothing would happen because we just weren't each others' type. I think degree of attraction is a huge factor when it comes to this kind of friendship. If two people aren't attracted to each other but they get along well, it shouldn't matter what gender they are.

I'll admit that I'm friends with many men who would not want a platonic friendship with a woman so I understand that I'm not the norm, but I have supportive relationships with them. We ask each other how the family is, how work is, encourage each other to date and support each other when we find someone we are interested in. We also visit each other from time to time and bring our significant others to eat or hang out. Its kind of like spending time with a sister I never had. (I am an only child and always wanted a sister)

I think it requires a lot of maturity and self-discipline but it is possible. On the other hand, I was in a relationship with a woman who had male friends and I could tell that their intentions were not good and were just waiting for their chance with her.

mizaludbasm · 2021-05-25T16:53:42+00:00

Sexual attraction is different from sexual curiosity though.

IMO, it's sometimes easier to just get the sexual curiosity out of the way by trying it and confirming that that's not the right connection for either party. After that, being wholly platonic friends is much more realistic.

Jakes1967 · 2021-05-25T16:57:10+00:00

...about whether it is possible for a heterosexual man to spend significant time and energy in a personal life context on a straight woman he doesn’t have some type of designs on (or she on him).

My dearest friend, is a woman and I've known her decades, yet have never had any "designs" on her, other than friendship. In fact, any romantic feelings would probably ruin our friendship.

EDIT: Got 2 lesbian friends too. Zero romantic feelings, but they are absolutely the best friends someone can have. Both are extremely pretty, my wife is straight and has admitted: "She'd do that".

wptny03 · 2021-05-25T17:04:18+00:00

what a stupid generalization.

JediGuitarist · 2021-05-25T17:19:43+00:00

The bulk of my closest friends are, and always have been, women. Before the 'rona we spent large amounts of time together; I co-organized a board game meetup with one for nearly two years.
I do think that the only way you can truly be friends with someone of the opposite sex is if you don't have romantic feelings for them, and with one or two exceptions I don't have romantic feelings for any of my friends (and many of them are rather attractive). I prefer to not be friends with women I'm attracted to who've rejected me, although how they handle the rejection often influences whether or not I'll stay friends with them after. So yeah, it's complicated, but generally speaking I have female friends, close friends, some of whom are like family, and it's not an issue. I'd like to think I'm not a unicorn in this respect, and my observations of men I interact with in real life support that.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2021-05-25T17:24:07+00:00

You're make a pretty basic logical fallacy here. If a man is sexually or romantically interest in a women then yes, he will likely try to spend time with her. But that doesn't mean those are the only men who want to spend time with them.

When it comes to women I work with, I view them more as sisters than anything else. I'm just categorically not sexually or romantically interested in them.

Maybe this comes as a surprise, my some men friendzone women. There are too many fish in the sea for me to be risking drama in my life.

fcoc · 2021-05-25T17:30:32+00:00

It depends on the relationship. How close it is, what the past looks like etc. If a woman has a boundary like “strictly no women friends” for their SO candidate, that’s a big fat red flag.

S0mnariumx · 2021-05-25T17:30:41+00:00

I have a few straight gal pals where its strictly platonic and a few lez friends too. Sometimes women are just better company, guess its the emotional intelligence or whatever but they also can help get me hype if were out and I wanna talk to a girl but I'm too nervous. They're (with one exception) never close friends, I think if I get that close to them I may catch feelings if they're reasonably attractive.

SaltyFatNuts · 2021-05-25T17:34:10+00:00

I have 2 close guy friends and the other 8 people I hang out with regularly are all women I’ll admit I have feelings for one of them but the rest are more platonic or a sibling type bond so yes it is very possible and I wish more men could see that.

friendofoldman · 2021-05-25T17:34:48+00:00

My wife and I have been together since were teens so my outlook is not normal.

I have a few female friends that I text with or message. But I tend to not hang out with them alone simply because of how people talk. In groups it is fine

If My wife thinks something is going on, or her boyfriend/husband does, and there will be all kinds of fallout for one or the other or both.

I generally avoid relationships with women just because I’m low drama and most women want to draw you into their drama. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

wordsandmagic · 2021-05-25T17:36:43+00:00

I'm close friends with a woman in this city.

We've never done anything. We're just happy chatting and talking about lives.

I just dont think we're each others cup of tea in terms of sexual attraction but we like to go out.

SUEDE2BLACK · 2021-05-25T17:39:08+00:00

Nothing to change your rite

JangoMangoJango · 2021-05-25T17:51:32+00:00

Hmmm no. It depends on the person. If you are able to control yourself its entirely possible.

CraptainToad · 2021-05-25T18:00:48+00:00

idk some of my friends are women I would never sleep with. They're easier to get along with lmao

The_Entertainer217 · 2021-05-25T18:05:34+00:00

I’m a man and most of my friends are female, some of who I’ve slept with in the past and some I haven’t and also have no intention of having sex with in the future. In fact my best friend is female. Would I ever sleep with her? No. And it’s not because I don’t find her attractive either. It comes down to two things: 1.) I already know we’re romantically incompatible, so a relationship would be a bad idea and a waste of time for both of us and 2.) her friendship is more important to me than sex so it’s not something worth complicating and compromising the friendship over.

2021-05-25T18:05:47+00:00

To be frank, it appears to me perhaps cynically when women attempt to court friendship from me - a man - it often appears to be some sort of brother archetype - in other words a lot of projection seems to be going on.

sleigh88 · 2021-05-25T19:20:15+00:00

I personally (30F) have a super close friend who is (34M), we met at work as coworkers about 9 years ago. We are both married, have toddlers around the same age, but have always had a great platonic relationship with lots of venting, advice, and jokes! We don’t work side by side anymore, but still chat on the phone quite a bit. Neither significant other has ever been insecure, because we have been friends so long. It’s never been a question or thought that we were not just two people being friends.

TheDevilPutD · 2021-05-25T19:22:02+00:00

I have a few female friends from past jobs I talk to and have no desire to fuck them although they may harbor some desire to fuck me.

ToBeFair91 · 2021-05-25T19:28:06+00:00

its possible but don't be hot, enough

2021-05-25T19:44:15+00:00

I don’t think being attracted to your female friends is a problem. I have a few female friends I’m attracted to who I’ve known for years. In different circumstances we might have been a couple.

A little sexual frisson in a male-female friendship isn’t a problem. Nor is it in a same sex friendship. Just ask any bi person.

Antoak · 2021-05-25T20:17:04+00:00

If we assume your assertion is correct, that all male-female "friendship" is rooted in sexual attraction, then it follows that

A.) either everyone is secretly Bi (because men are still friends with other men, despite claiming that they're not gay...)

or

B.) women exude a mystery pheromone X which acts like male bug repellant, because for some inexplicable reason unattractive girls can't get guys to hang around even if they act exactly like "one of the guys."

Neither make sense. Reductio ad absurdum.

What's more likely is that you've misattributed what you see going on. If a beautiful girl who was also charming, funny, and interesting got in a horrifying, disfiguring hot-grease accident, certain guys would still be their friend. Yes, certain pretenders would stop paying them attention. Yes, the 'real' friends probably wanted to bang her before the accident, but that's incidental to the friendship, not central to it.

Depending on your judge of character, and how interesting/funny/charming you are as a person, the ratio of 'real' to 'pretender' might vary greatly. If you're an awful, shallow person then yeah, i guess you might not have any real guy friends. But just because a guy happens to want to bang you doesn't mean it's a sham friendship either.

samxx9 · 2021-05-25T20:19:40+00:00

I have tried this before and it's bitten me in the rear end. Being used and basically wanting it to be platonic while she only wants to make me her simp and etc and saying manipulative stuff just to spite me. It's not all men's fault, there's some serious bad vibes to wanting to stay normal and platonic with someone and having your buttons pushed for fun.

I'm willing to bet that this has happened to a lot of dudes and they're now saying 'never again'.

Carloverguy20 · 2021-05-25T20:38:17+00:00

It's possible in my opinion, just because you may find someone attractive, doesn't mean that you have to necessarily act on your attraction sexually, only if you want to or feel like it. You are going to find other people attractive and get to know them.

For me it's easier to be friends with someone if we are in the same school, workplace, hobby group, organization, online community. I've had female friends over the years and they were just good friends to me, i still talk to some of them today, catch up every once in a while, and i enjoy it lots.

I love having female friends, it provides a different perspective for me. I don't care if you are white, black, man, woman, non-binary etc, if you are a good person to me, i will be a good person back to you.

If one thinks that men and women can't be friends, because of sex, you either can't control yourself, or you are stuck in the 1900s in my opinion. I don't only like hanging out with guys 24/7, i like having a diverse group of friends.

benadiba · 2021-05-25T21:03:59+00:00

It happens. Super rare, but definitely possible

Os2099 · 2021-05-25T21:25:13+00:00

Same could be said in reverse? the logical answer is that men will have more in common with other men( sports,video games etc) women will have more in common with other women.

Christian_Kong · 2021-05-25T21:37:10+00:00

Well from my perspective even if things done start out this way, they eventually end up there. There is women who I am friends with whom I was not initially attracted to but the better we got to know them, they moved from "not my type" to "would be fun to fool around with(or more)." So even if the intention was never there initially, due to the social/emotional bond with them you end up with a curiosity for a physical bond.

The relationship status really doesn't matter to me. The sexual situations are passing thoughts of theoretical things that could be in an alternate reality.

dirtyoldbastard77 · 2021-05-25T21:47:23+00:00

I've had several really good, close female friends that were just that, friends. Some that were just not attractive at all, and some that were good looking, but were.. Well.. Friends, not someone I was attracted to in a sexual way. But I do get your point. I have had far more male friends than such female friends, and if a girl is good looking or you just have a lot of stuff in common, it can be easy to get attracted to her.

Tavarshio · 2021-05-25T21:49:24+00:00

Not true. I have a few female friends. And honestly, if I have no sexual or romantic interest in them it makes friendship a lot easier.

k995 · 2021-05-25T22:29:41+00:00

Of course its possible, its not because it doesnt happen to you its somehow impossible or no man in the world does this.

NeighborhoodVeteran · 2021-05-25T23:55:24+00:00

Not always true. Anecdotally, I'm close friends with a straight woman who I don't wanna bone because she is just too much of an airhead for me.

random13980 · 2021-05-26T00:07:30+00:00

I have a close female friend I have no feelings for.

OffThaGrass · 2021-05-26T00:07:42+00:00

Anecdotal, but, I (Hetero male) have several long term and/or long distance Hetero female friends. While many of them started from a brief interest in each other (sometimes one-sided), some were always platonic, and the one that I’m closest to hasn’t done more than kiss me a few times while drinking once

dragonfury866 · 2021-05-26T00:38:55+00:00

I mean.... I’m bisexual and totally sexually motivated. It’s not like I can’t have true friends because I find their gender attractive. And hey, some people are ugly and there is zero attraction in the first place. Idk, seems dumb to say that you can’t be friends with someone who’s gender you find attractive. It’s not like I want to have sex with everyone.

Zevluvxxx · 2021-05-26T00:55:13+00:00

Find a man who is more attractive than you.

antonio_aurelio · 2021-05-26T01:16:16+00:00

I’ve had female friends that I wasn’t interested in romantically.

Not sure how I could change your mind though.

Domnation101 · 2021-05-26T01:29:31+00:00

I think men can as they get older

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-05-26T01:42:01+00:00

Nah bullsht. I could just say "women are not entitled to friendship" and laugh my ass off but actually all female friends I have are my friends BECAUSE I wouldn't sleep with them. I've banged all good looking women that tried to stablish a friendship with me, then things gets messy and they end hurt and we break up, that's how it works. With ugly girls the sexual tension isn't there so it's a lot more easy. Even then I slept with two of them, one when I was drunk and the second when her ex boyfriend broke up with her and she was really low and was having a hard time, we had some FWB situation for three months, she says it's easy to remain friends since she knew from the begining she wasn't my type so she never allowed herself to catch romantic feelings.

Is it possible that women have friendships only with good looking men too? I just noticed that guys who struggle with dating are less likely to have female friends, I find it at least curious. Also, I think women are more willing to stay in the "friend zone" for a guy than viceversa.

MonoVoladorMx · 2021-05-26T01:54:43+00:00

My closest friend is a woman, and yes, she's very attractive and whatever, but I feel no sexual attraction toward her, and never felt. Our friendship has been +8 years long and there was nothing about it.

During college times, I had a friend, who was a model, and never felt like really interested on her in a sexual way. And yeah, I'm very straight.

I know most times people search people to flirt around and get something done, are interested on them to get sex or a romantic relationship, or it comes over the march, but of course it exists. People who achieve to get a pure friendship relation.

flowerwoven · 2021-05-26T02:02:09+00:00

Most people don't have that many real friends anyway. But yes obviously you can be friends with the opposite gender. Anyone who says otherwise is literally just saying they personally are unable so everyone is unable.

just_a_place · 2021-05-26T02:40:07+00:00

I have girl freiends whom I used to have sex with and no longer do so if that counts. These girls are still my friends and we do not have sex and I still like hanging out or going out with them and talking to them.

You gotta understand that we all have a time limit on how much of it we can spend with people - and spending it with ether men or women whom we are not going to gain anything of significance or value from is time better spent with people who are. Thus we do in fact prefer to spend more time with women whom we have a higher probability of sleeping with because there is a very strong biological drive to do so.

My guy friends provide a support network which is why I spend time with them. My girl friends also provide me a support network and I sleep, or have slept with, some of them but not most of them. I just like them as friends and we talk about mutual interests like writing, or places to go out and hang out or just enjoying each other's company.

The thing is that sex is a very pressing priority in the minds of most men and it has the ability to fog and blind our minds to all other women whom do not present any opportunity for sex. Our time and our attention is limited and we are biologically compelled to spend as much of it pursuing procreation and self preservation. That is why guys make friends with other guys that got their back and that they can rely on as comrades while also preferring to make friends with women who we either stand a good chance to have sex with or who also show a form of camaraderie the way other men do so it is possible to be friends with a woman for the same reason we are friends with men: Camaraderie and fraternity. Most of these types of friendships with women are forged in the workplace where men and women have to work as a team and men rely on women the way they rely on other men and through that avenue is how friendships are made with women whom a man is not sexually attracted to.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2021-05-26T03:51:18+00:00

Nonsense. I have loads of female friends who I talk to all the time and go out to eat with.

Many of them are objectively attractive (nice face, big boobs etc) but i don't think about that 24/7

palatine09 · 2021-05-26T06:17:30+00:00

Of course you can. Funny how you can’t see the woman being friends with the man for no reason.

retropillow · 2021-05-26T07:32:01+00:00

It’s just not that simple. I’m still high on sleeping meds but, being attracted to someone doesn’t mean you want or need to act on it. My best friend is my ex and we were sexually involved until I started dating my boyfriend, and I haven’t been lusting after her since then. I still find her as gorgeous and hot, but I have no desire or intent to sleep with her.

I guess what I’m trying to say is; it’s not just about whether you find the other sexually or romantically interesting, because humans are able to have nuances on how they perceive others

infps · 2021-05-26T12:22:50+00:00

Sometimes it happens that you are close colleagues.

Especially at mid-level work where you get less choice as to which colleagues are "close." It's not like you're picking who to write journal articles with when you're both anywhere from clerks to middle management. It's mostly a roll of the dice who you have to work with every day at that point. I have worked with people of my "sexual attraction genders" and become very friendly (drinks after work, etc) and not been at all attracted, all due to forced proximity of work.

SkookumTree · 2021-05-26T22:10:45+00:00

Very possible. I have a close female friend I've been friends with for 11 years. No attraction on either side.

darthdreams · 2021-05-25T18:33:05+00:00

This post feels like a cis male wrote it. What year is it?? Not to criticize OP, but it’s really hard to believe that a woman in her mid 40’s has ONLY, EXCLUSIVELY, has had this experience with no platonic exception. I’m early 30’s and have had MANY straight male friends who were interested in the friendship first. Who is to say if there is a sexual attraction or an inkling or romantic idealization in the beginning but after YEARS of being friends that’s what it is. I’ve been camping with my straight male friends, go to casino and play poker once a week, I go dancing with them and their girlfriends, party with my love interests, go to shows and festivals and no... it’s not sexual or romantic. A bitch is fierce too. NGL, New York 8 and a Philly 10 🤣

I set my boundaries up front. I let them know if they disappoint me by being primitive then the friendship expires. It’s easy to set boundaries with people YOU don’t want to sleep with up to them to accept/respect them.

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ounce	0.2403
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gram	0.0085
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tonne	8474.5763

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