What dating advice would you give to women?

tired_hillbilly · 2023-07-09T23:13:09+00:00

Social circle date; get to know a guy before you date him. You'll get a sense for how he really is.

Treacle-Flimsy · 2023-07-09T22:32:46+00:00

You have to screen for any potential dangers early on with cold head, but it's ok since a lot of women do it already.

MY advice, would be to continue screening for them further into relationship too, because a lot of women look at the person closely only at the beginning, and then wonder why it turned out the way it did

belachewhm · 2023-07-10T03:11:10+00:00

Matthew Hussey have some great advice about this. If you see a guy you like and want him to make a move, don’t be easy, but in the first 5 seconds…be easy.

Basically learn how to give a guy an opening. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Maybe initiate some small talk. Don’t just sit there looking cute and wonder why nobody is coming over to talk to you. Let him know it’s okay to come over and make a move.

Cold approaching a girl is really really hard and intimidating, but if you do your part right and if he’s confident, he’ll come over and talk to you.

And if you think you already do that, you might be too subtle for it to come across properly. Figure out what you’re not doing right and adjust.

Pilling_it · 2023-07-09T21:54:23+00:00

You don't have to outright ask out a guy, but if you seriously want that (committed relationship), find out what kind of guy is the one you want to get, then where said kind is likely to be, then how to insert yourself in that environment. There's also the whole girl game that's basically about giving the guy the impression he's initiating when he's really not.

Also, be aware that social classes divide for lifestyle is real and brutal in terms of incompatibility. Sure, you might get lucky, and find a guy by chance, but the really hard part nowadays is how to meet, and just hoping for the best if you're looking for quality seem a bit naive to me.

lolthankstinder · 2023-07-09T23:44:51+00:00

It is 100% possible to have unrealistic INITIAL expectations/standards. Emphasis on the INITIAL part. It's tempting to jack up your physical standards when you have lots of options but, in doing so, you're more likely to meet guys that aren't as excited about you, see you as "just another option", and treat you as such.

jfsargent3 · 2023-07-09T22:16:04+00:00

Put in the effort to have better conversations to pre-screen, then pick a few to date and focus on them.

wtknight · 2023-07-09T22:36:44+00:00

I'd tell her to make him wait until there is some kind of loving relationship before having sex with a guy. The men who leave and try to find better options probably wouldn't have treated her that well, anyway.

RedPill115 · 2023-07-10T01:21:42+00:00

There's so many different girl backgrounds that have very different problems.

The one I see the most is the girl who's already cute, but keeps treating invites from guys as her lowest priority, then acts shocked that things never go anywhere.

I'm like - if you think the guy is interesting, be more agreeable to going to whatever he invites you to.

Dunno, I just see this a bunch of times. Seems like she's repeating the toddler stage where daddy says "do you want to go to the park?" a bunch of times and she says no over and over then finally gives in.

Well...guys don't want a long term relationship with a toddler.

But...other women have the opposite issue, they vibe like a refrigerator, so being more available doesn't help the core problem.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-07-09T22:48:06+00:00

First, find a way to be basically happy with yourself and your situation. Then, look for someone who is also basically happy. Drop the checklist. Don’t use apps, if you can help it. Look for guys that share your interests, have kind eyes, and turn you on. Do you get aroused by their smell? Your nose is a better guide to relationship satisfaction than your mind.

NockerJoe · 2023-07-09T23:04:24+00:00

Don't date an older dude expecting that he'll already have all of his emotional work done and be ready to help you with your shit in a pseudo-parent role. I've seen this a few times where a lot of women are basically looking for a second dad or someone who can push their careers along and wondering why someone like that also rarely takes them seriously as a partner. Men who go for younger women while being established are rarely looking for an equal or peer. That's not to say they can't or I've never met them but in those cases the relationships are rarely based around them having to mentor or care for you in the way women specifically looking for older dudes often screen for.

p_ython · 2023-07-10T01:48:53+00:00

The guy WANTS to ask you out. Trust me, we all do. It's just some of us are scared shitless of rejection so please make it obvious.

ToSeeAgainAgainAgain · 2023-07-10T00:13:43+00:00

Your first negative impression of a man you haven't gone out with yet is probably not that big a deal (as long as it's not an extreme red flag).

You would make a lot of mistakes too if the default was women asking men out

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2023-07-10T01:28:06+00:00

Make sure that both of you are on the same page early. If you're looking for commitment, make sure that you establish within the first few dates that he's also looking for something serious.
If you're dating a guy in the same social sphere as you, consider his past. How did he treat previous partners? Has he ever cheated? People's past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.
Watch how he treats other people in general. Even if he's sweet to you, him treating others badly is a sign that you could be on the receiving end one day.

happy_discus · 2023-07-10T09:55:12+00:00

My advice:

If hes extremely hot and matched with you on a dating app he probably has other options too. If you really want him to commit to you, you have to be better than the others.

If he tells you explicitly he's only interested in something casual he probably won't change this later.

ThrowAwayHuman122333 · 2023-07-10T02:30:21+00:00

Stop generalizing what one guy does with all guys potentially doing it. Every person is an individual, so you should treat them as such and avoid this "all guys are the same" stuff because it's an easy, lazy excuse to stop putting in effort.

Also, stop being averse to confrontation and communicate directly with guys you like. You're not doing yourself any favors by dropping hints or being subtle and expecting them to do it for you. It's more likely that decent guys will not respond to your hints.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-07-10T03:51:18+00:00

Funny. I was out with my g/f's friend who has been single for over 4 years now. She's fairly attractive - got 50+ matches her first day back on the app within an hour.

I screened her thought process while we had dinner. She had some...interesting thoughts about dating dynamics. Even got her set up on a first date in the upcoming week before we left with a seemingly nice man through Bumble. She was literally not going to respond to that guy had I not intervened. Had to challenged a couple of her assumptions.

I'm considering writing a 'field report' post on it, but to give you one advice based on my experience tonight, it's: don't grade people on an unspoken rule. If something (be it a value, a behavior, etc.) is important to you, but the other person does not know/has no way of knowing, then you're only making it harder on yourself by filtering out people with it. You have to find a way to communicate that thing/value first. It can be vulnerable, but no risk = no reward.

ShizoDijagnoza · 2023-07-09T22:18:48+00:00

Easy.

If a guy does everything you want and expect of him, from the first moment around, and he bends over backwards. RUN. Literally this is the best working tactic to get into your pants and it works with literally every woman I know. And the caveat is your friends can't even stop you from doing this dumb decision because your perception is skewed. Actually I lost a couple of friends because of this. To this day they are in the same boring toxic relationships, tearing off their hairs about their man-child boyfriends.

Let me make a list tho.

Actions not words, trust actions not words.
Don't let em in your pants, at least not for like a month. Seriously, if you want a committed man, he can wait a month. While I do understand that women like sex too, the thing is, you are not looking for sex, you are looking for commitment (also anyone please refrain with the whole, if he is bad in bed, y'all are grown and yall can communicate and teach em)
Inspect the hobbies and interests closely and think, huh why would someone like that.
Inspect their relationship with their parents, if he calls his mom a whore, don't expect things to be different for you.
Inspect their relationship with living beings all-together. There is nothing worse than a man that doesn't care about life. Let that be human or animal. I can't stand those cringe ass kids that intimidate strays. Thing is those kids grow up in shitty adults that do the exact same thing. Ask yourself, if this guy found a thirsty dog, would he help it?

I know this list sounds stupid, but it works. try it out.

Wattehfok · 2023-07-09T22:03:21+00:00

My advice would be to get off the apps and expand your social circle. Then meet guys through those people.

A friend of a friend has been pre-vetted, and is more likely to treat you respectfully as they have a greater sense of accountability.

Also, if you really want to date a guy, you may have to be the one to do the asking. He may not think you’re interested, no matter how many “signals” you’re giving. It can be flirty (like “so when were you going to ask me for a date?”), but it’s 2023, and you may need to do some of the heavy lifting.

Big_Ranger_4220 · 2023-07-10T00:46:33+00:00

Don’t start by asking this sub hahah a lot of men on here have very limited dating experience or don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like.

I’d look for someone that shares your values, and try to practice good communication and mutual respect. Everything else falls downstream

FirmWerewolf1216 · 2023-07-10T04:08:52+00:00

Be direct-we don’t have mind reading abilities

Be realistic—a good man is not always a high value/wealthy man

clean your place! nothing turns a good man off than coming over to a woman’s home and seeing used panties on the floor and hair all over the bathroom!

iamprosciutto · 2023-07-10T04:20:34+00:00

This is advice I would give anyone, but I'll aim it specifically at heterosexual women.

Find a guy who reads books. He will have a much better vocabulary, grasp of the language, and general understanding of the range of human emotion.

Don't adjust your likes and dislikes to suit your partner's, but be willing to try new things.

Go for the guy who seems a little awkward, but nice. He probably just doesn't love social interaction with people he doesn't know.

If they don't listen to you early on, they necer will. If they push boundaries early on, they always will. If they try to manipulate you early on, they always will. If they show any real signs of physical violence (destroying their own or other's property, hurting animals, hurting other people), then you can expect it to be directed towards you eventually. If they cheat early, they always will. If they lie about little things, they will lie about bigger things.

Learn to accept and show at least mild interest in hobbies you don't necessarily enjoy.

MountainDangerous404 · 2023-07-10T10:48:10+00:00

The best litmus test for determining a man's genuine interest in you is to hold off on sex. FDS got a lot wrong and were fairly deranged by the end, but "if he wanted to, he would" is solid advice for a woman. I'd jump on a plane tonight for the ex I loved.

sayittentimesfast · 2023-07-10T02:01:50+00:00

What do men want.

A girlfriend who likes to do things with them.
Someone who isn't hyper-feminist and full of man hate.
Someone who isn't 100 pounds overweight expecting Chris Hemsworth
Someone who keeps the drama to a dull roar
Someone who keeps shit testing and fighting to a dull roar.
Someone who keeps PSYCHOTIC JEALOUSY to a dull roar.

Look, all men really want is regular sex from a woman who doesn't get too fat or too crazy.

It's really. Not. That. Hard.

If you, as a member of the sought after sex, can't find a decent man, the problem is not with men. The problem is in the mirror.

Ask me to do the gender flip of this advice, will you? OH OKAY!

What do women want.

A guy who likes to do things with them.
Someone who isn't a Red Pilled misogynist
Someone who isn't 100 pounds overweight expecting Jennifer Lawrence.
Someone who keeps his anger to a dull roar.
Someone who is half-assed emotionally available.
Someone who won't try to fuck all of her friends.
Someone with a life that she can add to - someone with a social network.
Preferably not an addict, alcoholic, abuser, or unemployed loser.

Jesus people. It's not that hard. Be the best version of yourself, be honest with people, stop spending so much fucking time on your phone, get some exercise and have a social life.

GAWD. Otherwise, you're going to end up like me.

Middle aged, single and too smart for love.

aslfingerspell · 2023-07-09T22:42:22+00:00

Approach more, for everyone's sakes: a lot of men may be into you, but scared of approaching because they're afraid of offending you or getting in trouble. For better or worse, a lot of men are being socialized right now that approaching women "cold" (i.e. strangers in public) is PUA creepiness, and asking out people "warm" (i.e. friends, coworkers) can create drama or even legal trouble in the case of workplace romance. If you fear intimidating or emasculating a guy by making the first move, A. I don't know a single man who'd be genuinely upset that someone found him attractive enough to approach B. you can ask in a more private setting not in front of friends or coworkers.
Have a decent dating profile. Men's standards can be low, we all know this, but a decent profile benefits everyone. Group photos should minimal, and never the first photo. Crop exes, children, or other undesirable elements out of a picture rather than using emojis. Do not simply post a link to other social media: even if Instagram is your primary social media presence, it should be a "Oh, and if you want to know more." A bio should not just be a link.
A lot of men will compromise too much on themselves, whose idea of romance is "Do whatever she wants so she won't leave me." Date someone with self respect who can, I don't know the exact phrasing, "stand up to" you some of the time with their own ideas and suggestions.
Men do not get complimented on their appearance or physically cherished as much as women. A little affection goes an extremely long way.
Understand that adulthood, at least traditionally defined adulthood, is delayed in these troubled and tumultuous times: 25 is the new 20. With college, grad school, housing prices, the economy etc. being what they are, it's not necessarily a red flag if someone hasn't had much experience.
Appearance does matter, but what you're insecure about in your looks could be something most men probably won't notice. Men will always have their preferences just like you, but few women are genuinely repulsive to enough men that you will be devoid of people who'd be happy to be in a relationship. With women, at least, I do think it's true that there's someone out there for everyone, even if I don't think it's true for the men's side of things.
Being upfront about your expectations for a relationship is always key, and this is for everyone. Modern dating norms are basically nonexistent: there's basically no default rules or universally shared understandings to rely on anymore. Every couple is free to set their own rules, but this also comes with the burden and responsibility of communicating expectations. How often is texting each other okay? How do you split bills? How slow or fast should things escalate sexually? Every new person you date will be a new set of rules that both parties have to agree on.
It can help if you can ingratiate your partner into your friendship circle, whether male or female friends. A lot of men who are romantically lonely are also platonically lonely, and giving them the chance to interact with other men or women you know can help relieve you of some emotional labor i.e. you can focus on being partners, and not also his best friend, gaming buddy, etc.

Common_Sense_Dudd · 2023-07-10T01:29:03+00:00

Be classy, not trashy.

It doesn't matter how much education you have or how much money you make - plenty of poor girls can be classy, while plenty of rich girls can sure be trashy.

Be kind, polite and courteous, while also open minded, yet have clear self-respect and boundaries that you politely enforce. Work on yourself and try to better your life, through your own hard work and determination. Take good care of your appearance, but be subtle and humble about it - because remember, classy not trashy.

Be super selective about your choice of man, as it speaks volumes about you. Choose classy men, not trashy men. Remember that even a well groomed guy in a suit may actually just be a trashy person dressed well - plenty of them exist. You want a decent man with good character, not a white-collar womanizer.

By doing all this, you can become serious long-term girlfriend/wife material and find meaningful love, rather than just being yet more cheap cannon fodder for fuckboys.

Kliere · 2023-07-10T01:27:39+00:00

Get your male family members (preferably your father/brothers) to help vet him out. This is by far the best advice.
Cook and clean every once in awhile. If I'm seeing a girl for a month and she never once cooks or cleans anything while at my place, it's not going to go anywhere.
Look at his relationship with his family. Obviously some people have incredibly toxic family members, but there's usually at least a couple good ones.
Look at how he treats others. You can usually tell a lot about someone by how they treat retail/food service workers.
Take red flags/dealbreakers seriously. If you don't have a list, make one and stick to it. I've seen so many 3+ year relationships end because one wanted kids and the other didn't but they thought they could work it out, or something similar.

katyushas_boyfriend · 2023-07-10T08:31:06+00:00

If a women is struggling to get a quality boyfriend

Yeah that's the problem. Any woman who has trouble finding guys willing to commit is probably batting out of her league, and she should lower her standards if she wants an actual relationship.

The fact that you included the word "quality" is very telling. There are tons of women that have issues like being ugly, boring, neurotic, unpleasant, broke, fat, etc. There aren't enough "quality" men to for all women, and those men will generally pick "quality" women for anything serious.

2023-07-10T01:55:36+00:00

Have more self respect. That doesn’t mean have extreme standards. But if he’s not gonna commit to you? Don’t sleep with him thinking that that’s gonna change his mind. Hell get a notch on his belt and you’ll be still dropped for the girl he actually likes.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-07-10T01:58:36+00:00

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Communicate your needs, boundaries, and feelings.

just_a_place · 2023-07-10T06:28:42+00:00

That's like asking what advice would I give a guy whose car has broken down. First of all I would need to know what is wrong. I can't just stand there and stare into space and just say "welp, you need a new engine bro." When the problem could just be that he just has the wrong key!

Identifying the problem comes before dispensing any pellets of wisdom to solve it.

I would need to know who is the girl that is struggling and then understand why she is struggling. What is she doing, what does she look like, what does she say, what caliber of men is she honing in on? etc...

If you want general dating advice then I will give very general answers:

Trust your intuition first of all.
Look attractive.
Look Modest.
Act receptive to men you like.
Figure out your boundaries before meeting any man.
Figure out what it is that YOU want in a man.
Learn how to recognize that which is what you want in a man.

Ludens0 · 2023-07-10T08:01:11+00:00

This is very personal. But for me.

-Take care of your body, no matter your age.

-Be a genuinely good person. Worry about your man but about other people too.

-No craziness. Not be controlling, envy, jelous, throw tantrums or hateful.

-Be kind, joyful and happy by yourself.

-Be independent. Have your hobbies and take your own time for your shit.

-Be social. Have good relationships with your friends, with your family and with your man's family.

2023-07-10T09:40:34+00:00

Going off what another dude here said you can generally avoid abusive men by finding someone that’s confident and ALSO has good self worth. That’s key here. Low both is incel. High conf and low self esteem is narcissist. Low conf high esteem is just a shy dude and high both is ideal. Abusive people tend to show insecurity and low ability to regulate their emotions. Trauma is also a bad sign of the person hasn’t overcome it.

This goes for guys and girls both

Naebany · 2023-07-10T14:56:58+00:00

Be nice and not fat. You'll do well.

Asahidraft · 2023-07-10T16:46:23+00:00

Tbh not to be cruel but if your desired partners are turning out to be duds or branching out on you, the issues are probably superficial - your weight, appearance, grooming, vocabulary, tattoos, etc. guys are not thinking that hard when committing, but it’s hard to commit to something when your eye is constantly looking (biology)

upalse · 2023-07-09T22:10:22+00:00

Have a personality.

BasedPhenomenologist · 2023-07-09T23:04:08+00:00

If the guy you’re dealing with has options you’ll have to set a time table for him and don’t bend. Otherwise you’ll be taken for a ride. I knew I wanted to be with my wife but it’s hard giving up playing the field. But her ultimatum of exclusivity by x date and marriage by z date was the best thing to happen to me. So my advice, if you want him to commit then then have the timer ready. If he keeps pushing it off and making excuses then he’s not ready yet or he has someone else in mind to settle with

nonplussedminus · 2023-07-09T23:05:11+00:00

Try self improvement

md8716 · 2023-07-09T23:36:28+00:00

3 things I'm going to drive home to my daughter:

First is, find men with a proven record of good decisions whose judgment you trust that have your best interests at heart and aren't interested in you sexually. Use them to help vet the men you date. Can be a parent, an uncle, an older cousin, a mentor, or an older friend.

Find at least 3 women you want to be like and ask her how she did it, and what it cost her. This also works for contractors. Smart people follow a winning formula and incrementally improve upon it. Morons think they're a special snowflake and try to reinvent the wheel.

Never make a major decision during an emotional moment. Table the discussion and figure that shit out during a moment of relaxation or lucidity. Like while you're sitting in a hot tub or something. This includes consenting to sex.

kukkle1111 · 2023-07-09T21:50:15+00:00

If a women is struggling to get a quality boyfriend that will commit to her

Those are the easiest things in the world to find.

The problem is they’re all ugly.

BackAgain12345678910 · 2023-07-10T02:44:10+00:00

Be as physically attractive as you can be.
Do not be combative, loud, obnoxious, argumentative.
Be feminine. Soft. Easy to get along with.
Do not be promiscuous

TheDustLord · 2023-07-10T04:40:57+00:00

Give lots of nonsexual affection. Cheek kisses, hugs, compliments, etc.

Take some initiative in planning dates and moving the relationship forward, or telling him you’re not interested.

mike-sonko · 2023-07-09T23:42:06+00:00

- Get in shape: Men are visual. If you're not fit it reduces your chances. Things like chest tattoos, bull rings etc further reduce your chances and relegate you to "for recreational use only" purposes.

- Are you feminine? Agreeable? Non-combative?

- The type of men you want...do you know what THEY want in a woman? If not, work on this.

- Do you have any male friends/relatives that can keep it real with you? Since they know you well, ask them for their CANDID opinion of you, and also what you can improve to attract men. This can help identify any blindspots you have.

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keenenandraz · 2023-07-10T00:54:50+00:00

Don't be afraid to ask advice from men in your life that have no sexual interest in you, dads, brothers, cousins, etc. And think with your brain, not your emotions. As Jigsaw would say,

"In choosing how to react to the situation, your life-long instincts will tell you to do one thing, but I implore you to do the opposite."

Inevitable-Log9197 · 2023-07-10T01:02:11+00:00

Don't fight over semantics and wordings. If you understand his intend, there's no need to fight over how he said things, because most of the times he didn't have an ill intent of hurting you, he's just not experienced with nuanced answers.

One-Introduction-566 · 2023-07-10T01:42:50+00:00

I’m a woman but I feel like, you want a guy who initiates commitment, brings up exclusivity or a relationship himself, usually within a few weeks to a few months but it depends on the circumstances.

If he’s not bringing it up or says he just wants to “see where things go”, he doesn’t really seem to think that highly of you as partner/wife material(again, it can vary though depending on how you met and how many dates you’ve been on).

And… sex isn’t bad but I’m all for waiting until he brings up exclusivity/a relationship to protect your heart and avoid being used by someone who just wants sex. Unless you are ok with that of course or want the same.

szclimber · 2023-07-10T02:14:29+00:00

Be be fit, friendly and feminine. That's it

ragman75 · 2023-07-10T03:22:42+00:00

Dont dress like a slut, dont post slutty pics of yourself online and just generally be deferent. Also if ur close with ur dad or have brothers or close male cousins ask them to help you vet guys.

No_Ask_2241 · 2023-07-10T03:26:06+00:00

They should all date me.

WeDatingTheSameGamer · 2023-07-10T06:09:44+00:00

Men put women in two categories, sex only zone and commitment zone and won’t say which category they’re in. If she finds herself always in the sex zone she needs to realize she needs to get back into her dating zone. The guys she keeps calling creepers are her guys she needs to be with.

JohnnyMnemo · 2023-07-10T06:58:43+00:00

stability is the enemy of titillating

If you're constantly aroused you're probably being played.

rogueman999 · 2023-07-10T07:20:47+00:00

Probably not something that's going to be mentioned, but: put some effort into appearing prude.

Research actually does say that a promiscuous and alcohol fueled lifestyle is bad for female personal happiness, but this is not what this thread is about. If you intend to get into a relationship and keep the guy - at least act a bit more like your grandma at the same age. Less talk about exes, longer skirts, no sex on the first date, no girls nights out... the whole deal.

obviousredflag · 2023-07-10T07:29:55+00:00

If a women is struggling to get a quality boyfriend that will commit to her, what advice would you give her to help her get a boyfriend?

Commit to the boyfriend first instead of guarding your emotions, walling, playing it safe, etc. Be the one who is open to get hurt by getting rejected. Go all in. Don't play games, don't wait to open up only after he made the first step. Start the conversation, ask for dates, be the one who answers quickly and who shares her emotions and romantic feelings first. Don't wait for him to ask you to be his girlfriend. Tell him you want to be his girlfriend.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2023-07-10T07:41:34+00:00

Probably be more straightforward in expressing their feelings toward guys they like.

tadL · 2023-07-10T07:53:15+00:00

Check your friend zone circle. Most of them should be guys that want to be serious. Why else would they hang around and stay in contact.

No-Seaworthiness959 · 2023-07-10T07:57:31+00:00

Great men are right under your nose. Try to change yourself in a way that allows you to see them.

RedBullfrog · 2023-07-10T08:19:39+00:00

Bring something to the table. Just being a woman is not enough. Looks are not enough either, especially if you want a LTR.
Have a passion, a hobby something that makes your interesting. Everyone has work/school/kids/chores. Have something that sets you apart from the rest.

AreOut · 2023-07-10T08:32:47+00:00

ask your father to screen the guy if you want a serious LTR

if you just want to fuck around then always have condoms with you

that's it

343_peaches_and_tea · 2023-07-10T08:48:32+00:00

Use all the redpill dating stats men use on women.

Push/pull, abundance mindset, dread game.

They all work just as well on men.

DoinIt989 · 2023-07-10T12:18:14+00:00

If there's red flags, just leave. Doesn't matter if it's been 2 weeks or 2 years, don't fall for the "sunk cost" fallacy.

Don't trust your early judgement unless it's really obvious. Usually red flags take time to emerge. It takes time to have good judgement, don't reject people left and right (because then you get desperate and say "fuck it"), but also don't let yourself be stuck with someone because "it's been a year" if they're an asshole.

jrjr_analyst · 2023-07-10T16:13:25+00:00

You should be asking successful fisherman, not the fish themselves. If you want to bag Harry Styles despite gaining 75 lbs, letting your moustache and leg hairs darken, and getting blown out by the Islander's first line, find a woman who pulled it off and ask her.

I've heard men say women's dating advice is bad yet I haven't heard men give out dating advice.

PPD was never intended to be a dating advice community. We discuss the implications of following misguided dating advice, and the underlying ideologies that inform that advice.

As a Black-leaning Red Piller, I would advise anyone who is struggling to develop sexually-active and emotionally-intimate relationships to look at what their happily paired-off peers are doing right. Not influencers on IG, celebs in the tabloids, or Boomer relatives, but colleagues, neighbors, and friends within your immediate proximity.

The men I know who are in stable relationships with desirable women chose partners who are slightly less desirable than themselves. That is to say, these guys could pull hotter women if they worked at it (going to conferences sans spouse or ring, making conversation with women in the check-out line, joining a yoga studio, ect.).

odd_cloud · 2023-07-10T19:12:45+00:00

Women have difficulty in distinguishing between players and relationship-oriented guys. Often they date some guys who are unbearable assholes or just sleep with them and leave.

To avoid this, a woman must distinguish between attractive traits and traits that look like attractive. For example, aggression may look like assertiveness, but it’s different. Confidence is different from arrogance.

What should you look for specifically? I’d say the guy must have some nurturing, and yes, feminine side. Does he support you if you are disappointed? Does he ask you lot opinion or demand things? Does he care about other people?

iLiveInAHologram94 · 2023-07-10T20:04:36+00:00

If you’re confused about how he feels about you he’s unsure / it’s a no. Move on. Don’t get addicted to the chemical roller coaster a toxic situationship brings. It makes stable and truly interested guys after feel boring. But that’s only because you’re used to and addicted to the drama / highs and lows of the toxic situationship. Find someone who is sure about you and gives you a hell yes. Aka if it’s not a hell yes it’s a hell no.

I just realized you were asking advice from men. Oh well.

My others would be to have ways to vet men, don’t sext too early go through a couple dates first, meet in public places, go into the first date with an open mind and intention of just having a nice time out while getting to know someone new. I really enjoyed hearing about the different life experiences and perspectives guys had. Dating was not always fun it could be really rough but it was also really fun meeting new people. Last advice is I straight up asked guys what they were looking for early on. This is probably apart of my vetting but I wasn’t scared of scaring guys away. Hmm other last advice is keep an eye out for forced intimacy and love bombing.

Supreme_Salt_Lord · 2023-07-10T20:51:14+00:00

Lower your standards, forget how he looks for the most part. Take him fat, slim, athletic as long as he puts you first, rich or poor. Most likely poor 40-50k is the median income now.

Its not hard to get or keep a man we are simple. If i was a woman i would have 50.

scwizard · 2023-07-11T13:24:30+00:00

Don't stay with a guy you've caught cheating on you because he's "really sorry" and because he promises to change.

Either accept you're going to have an open relationship, or break up, because there's a 100% chance he'll cheat again.

El_Don_94 · 2023-07-09T22:13:06+00:00

Could we know a bit about you?

Like what are your hobbies?

Are you into trad gender roles or no?

Are you relaxed and friendly?

Do you nag & give out?

Do you put effort in or do you expect the guy to make most of the effort?

Do you say anything that could be misandric?

Tricky_Relief_7152 · 2023-07-10T01:26:31+00:00

I'm gonna tackle your post, but in an order different than how you posted it.

I've heard men say women's dating advice is bad yet I haven't heard men give out dating advice.

Men have been telling women what we want since forever. The problem is twofold:

Women don't listen because they don't have to
Women don't have to listen because men don't hold their boundaries and penalize them for it

If a women is struggling to get a quality boyfriend that will commit to her, what advice would you give her to help her get a boyfriend?

This advice applies to women and men, we just have to repeat it to women because men will either get it, or they won't be successful:

Know what type of partner you want
Ask yourself "what would that partner be looking for in a relationship" and don't fucking delude yourself.
Make personal changes to be more attractive to that type of partner.

What are some general tips that all women should do in order to succeed in dating.

There are no silver bullet "do this and all men will want you" because if there were, women would be doing it. If you want to appeal to broader groups of men, you have to accept that there are things that most men generally like:

Don't be fat
Don't be masculine
Don't be a bitch
Don't be stingy with physical affection (not necessarily sex).

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-07-09T23:20:45+00:00

Introduce yourself to me.

bsmith440 · 2023-07-10T00:56:42+00:00

Don't be fat.

2023-07-10T02:02:56+00:00

1) be at your physical best. Stay fit, dress nicely.

2) be kind, funny, relaxed and a good conversationalist. Be his refuge from the world

3) Get it. If he's not into you and his actions are not aligned with what he says, leave.

4) do not come to him with a timeline. Don't ever make him feel that you have your stupid life script all figured out and you're just casting for an idiot to fill the vacant role.

Billsandasonom · 2023-07-10T03:06:08+00:00

Adhere to traditional feminine gender roles, stick to your own league in terms of looks, but be picky about personality and ethics/moral framework. Even if women don't stay with these guidelines, I honestly rarely see women struggling to secure commitment no matter their circumstances. I can count the number of perpetually single women I know on one hand, and who knows how much of this is actually voluntary.

Z1ayer · 2023-07-10T03:11:17+00:00

"Marry young, marry well"...............this is all you need to know, everything else is just BS

If he fucks around, take him to the cleaners (you did everything to vet, but life has other plans). At least you live a soft life. Its not the win you wanted, but 2nd best outcome.

Modern dating lets men off too easily, they can walk away without any consequence, wasting your time, it keeps happening soo many times (soo many men must be starting the relationship with exit date in mind giving same BS or just ghosting).

This is a great deal for men, terrible for women.

If his broke and you marry, splitting few bucks isn't worth your prime, love doesn't pay bills. Use your head

Competition is too fiery, some other women would lower their standards to get ahead, but they keep getting dropped (without consequence), don't be them

Act like a lady, demand respect, you ain't a common whore. Men do know the difference between wifey and everything else (gf, situation ship, fuckbuddy....)

This wouldn't work in modern times... men have too many options. They can live without consequence, and they do. There is also mail order brides, when men get bored and disillusioned with western women.

However, some do get bored of lack of life partner, and they'll remember the Wifey's they walked away from, and prefer that to mail order bride (comes with its own risk/benefits)

karspearhollow · 2023-07-09T22:51:54+00:00

Nothing groundbreaking. Take initiative. Don't ignore your gut just because "at least bad boys are fun," as I've seen women say. And if you notice a negative pattern in the guys you're dating, acknowledge that you might be the common denominator.

If you only date men that approach you, you're limiting your pool to the type of guy that will do that. If you're "not attracted to strangers," as I saw someone put it yesterday, you're limiting yourself to your social circle. If you lose interest in guys on apps after a few messages because your next match already came in, you're limiting yourself to the one in a million guy that hits you with the perfect message that catches your attention.

Based on the complaints I hear from women, I really do think that a lot of y'all just keep dating the same guys. They're gonna give you the same results.

Sad_Top1743 · 2023-07-09T23:21:51+00:00

My advice, seek humility.

She’s likely been gassed up hence going for men out of her league (physically not treatment)

AutomaticMeaning3844 · 2023-07-10T02:16:57+00:00

The keys to success as a woman

Have basic personal hygiene:

Don't be fat. Get to a healthy 19-21 BMI
Put in the minimal effort to do minimal natural make up
Look minimally feminine
Don't be bitchy or annoying

Boom, you're a catch a good number of decent men. Just not being fat will make you a catch because most women can't do that.

Then

Exist outside or on dating apps
Date within your level

And enjoy life with easy relationships or casual sex.

DerayRevan · 2023-07-09T21:58:31+00:00

Ok l know this is a hypothetical but cut the bs bruh

If a woman is struggling to find the man she wants, 11/10 times it's because by choice

Because l've seen/met many quality guys commit to the most horrendous women

Anyways my advice is just be pretty not the best-looking though but just pretty since you'll get guys across many areas to committing

Also if this was before the internet, l would say put yourself in areas of meeting quality men but thanks to social media things have become much easier

KeyAcan · 2023-07-09T22:57:54+00:00

Lower your standards, its several levels above your value in the market and youre being delusional thinking its going to work with the guy who is only entertaining you for sex

And since women dont care about advice that tells them to not continue doing what they are doing, this advice is pointless

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-09T22:11:36+00:00

Don’t be a purple hair nose pierced having misandrist/psychopath. It’s really that simple.

EDIT: you can even be everything mentioned above and still date. I guess it comes down to having a pulse and the right genitalia, you’ll be just fine

Earth-lover93 · 2023-07-09T22:08:57+00:00

Depends, if your trying to get a date try loosing your standards and go slow. they’re a lot of great bros out there but might not be the best looking or wear the best clothes or drive the nicest car but their solid dudes.

Rhinosaur666 · 2023-07-10T00:08:59+00:00

Get a PhD in sucking dick.

Hoopy223 · 2023-07-09T23:55:47+00:00

I would ask them if they were actually serious about commitment or if it’s just something they say to feel good etc. Odds are they probably don’t want commitment so much as the ups and downs of does he love me, love me not sort of thing.

StopTheIncels · 2023-07-10T00:28:01+00:00

I always give this advice regardless of how bad it comes off:

Lose weight/body fat % and become fit. Prospects will come to you in greater VALUE and QUANTITNY. Hit the gym, do some hit, yoga or w/e. The rest is bullshit behind this.

Particular_Trade6308 · 2023-07-10T03:26:26+00:00

Be a bit more subtle. There's a trend of "dating intentionally" that is making women cringily hammer men over the head with gender roles.

I had a woman text me "take me out some time." I deleted her number. I know that the burden of planning, executing, and paying for the date is on me as a guy, this is an unspoken truth. When she bluntly says it out loud, it comes off as autistic. She should have said "let's go out sometime," I would get the message.

Similar gripe with women begging for dinner reservations on apps. I have taken women to dinner on first dates, but usually after we had a nice conversation and found out we have shared food tastes or both want to try a restaurant. I have never taken a woman to dinner on a first date because she copy-pasta'd a TikTok meme about "what I want to hear: dinner is at 7, I'll pick you up."

Just remember that men are people and have feelings. You almost certainly would not be ok with a man saying to you "I expect you to have sex with me on our 1st or 2nd date" even if that's what he would like.

alexaxl · 2023-07-10T03:30:55+00:00

Define success
Will you listen?
Play in your leagues. “Quality”= ?

If he’s a catch, he can get better.

= upgrade

If she’s a catch, he can’t get better.

= commit.

^ got it?

If you don’t live with Reality, Reality will come and live with you.

itm4l2000 · 2023-07-10T03:50:57+00:00

It's taken many decades for men to figure out that, yes women may have control over their fertility but do not expect us to breed you at 35 years old within 6 months of courting. Simping days you could get away with that but those men who got a shit deal are warning men to avoid women in their 30s+ who are broke. Nothing wrong with a broke 20 something year old who stood by a man and planned for a future emotionally and financially, prior to kids. Women like this bring immense value to the table for men.

You want a committed relationship, start early and stand by a man you can bond with emotionally and plan financially over half a decade.

Don't be a bad independent bitch and realise at 35 your broke and only settle for top tier men to breed you, feed you and your potential kids where the cost of living is ever increasing. Sure you can have preference but expect to be played. It's lame..it's better to be alone in this situation because it's the foundation of a horrible long term relationship, men don't want to be wallets and sperm donors for 30+ year old women anymore.

AMDisappointment · 2023-07-10T04:24:20+00:00

Be fit. Don't be fat. Take care of your looks. Don't be a single mom. Be feminine. Be pleasant. Have realistic expectations. Handle your emotions and outbursts.

Gtedx · 2023-07-10T06:27:37+00:00

If you want a quality man to stick around long term you need to be pleasant to be around and interesting as a person. Otherwise he will orgasm and then leave you. Nobody wants an annoying life partner.

Most women are painfully boring and don’t put effort into themselves outside of their looks.

Try to keep your n count as low as possible, if you don’t put a high price tag on yourself no man will.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-10T11:21:59+00:00

Stop having unrealistic standards ladies especially when you yourself are average. Don't expect a high value man if you are not a high value woman. Looks are fading away in due time, so going for looks is a bad idea, especially for the fact that most of you ladies will ignore red flags in guys if they are hot. Focus on guys who are kind hearted, humble and ambitious. Doesn't matter how they look, it should never matter, as long as they can meet your emotional needs. Remember, those high value men have tons of options, they will not stop with you.

abaxeron · 2023-07-10T00:51:21+00:00

I suggest assigning a number to every single non-related man she has in her phone book, generating a random number within the range 1 to the list size, calling him, and asking him out.

Most men are not terrible immoral hump-and-dump players. If she's struggling, maybe her choice strategy is so consistently terrible that randomizer would be an improvement.

As relevant but somewhat alternative solution, she always can ask out one of her orbiters. Most of them are probably fine with waiting with sex until marriage.

SteveSan82 · 2023-07-10T04:04:42+00:00

Stay a virgin, marry before 25, learn to cook, clean , be pleasant, be fit and feminine. Know when to shut up

daddysgotanew · 2023-07-10T21:58:06+00:00

Pick the best man that shows you consistent attention. And I don’t mean consistent like he always calls at 2AM when he’s drunk and the main bitch didn’t come through.

Prince Charming isn’t coming ladies. And if he is, you won’t be his only muse. If you’re ok with that, fine. If not, you’ll have to settle for the 7 instead of the 9. I know, life sucks, but at some point you just have to accept it. You’re no model yourself anyway, and you’ve probably got HSV-2.

NeveruseTren · 2023-07-09T23:12:18+00:00

If she’s already ran through and has become worthless I wouldn’t give her any advice she deserves to be alone. If she’s young and not corrupted by the curse of feminism I would tell her to be submissive to a man’s authority and look for a quality man with good values and decent income. Stay away from bad boys like me. I would also tell her that marriage is not an excuse to give up and let yourself go and change in ways that your husband won’t be too fond of. And all women know the things they do once they have the leverage. That’s all

KurtWagnersBamfSmoke · 2023-07-10T20:09:21+00:00

Look at how he treats you over what he has.

social_mules_alt · 2023-07-10T20:30:55+00:00

If a women

First off I'd advise she learn plural vs singular forms of certain words and their proper usage.

Second, and most importantly, I'd suggest she outsource the screening of "gentleman suitors" to the men in her family with her father taking the lead role.

That's it. That's my advice.

MisterX9821 · 2023-07-11T02:47:23+00:00

I wouldn't attempt to give advice to a woman because I am a man. I think the advice men say is bad advice from women is when they advise men. Women should take advice from romantically successful women; men should take advice from romantically successful men. The inverse is going to be more prone to bias and idealism.

I have seen so many women give advice on what they value and want in a man and it literally is completely mis aligned to the men they date.

Workaholiconew · 2023-07-11T22:19:58+00:00

Look good and be around the men you are interested in.

I dont know what else to tell... it is so simple, and yet women over-complicate things...

All men hit on all women in a given space they physically are... usually in a order of decreasing sexual satisfaction potential... so just be around a guy which strikes your fancy... and he will eventually hit on you. When he eventually does... just say yes and do your best to make sure he thinks you are not an annoyance... in half a year you will get your ring...

At least, that is how my sister got her husband at least.

ResponsibleUmpire752 · 2023-07-12T05:45:53+00:00

Look your best and be interesting and kind. Be yourself. Smile. Pay attention to and respect the man you're with. Only date men you respect and whom you also really like (personality, interests, appearance, etc.). You'll be spending a long time together hopefully, so honestly, look for someone you trust and have fun with. Also, before it gets serious, make sure your life goals align in terms of family, lifestyle, etc. If a guy's clearly not interested in you don't waste time with him; the right man will be. Stay positive and have fun!

Peacesquad · 2023-07-12T21:45:48+00:00

Understand if you want a top percent or even moderately attractive man you’re going to have to compete for him. For some weird reason women think they don’t have to compete for exceptional men. It’s wild

Ario1337 · 2023-07-15T18:59:12+00:00

Most obvious thing, have healthy weight. Don't be overweight/obese nor underweight. Being outside healthy range is not only unhealthy, but makes men percieve you as significantly less attractive. Not sure if you understand why. For men, the quality of sex is highly correlated with how hot is the woman. Unhealthy weight significantly decreases woman's attractivenes. Personally, living is Eastern Europe where obesity is not as common as in USA, I'd not date overweight woman, I find them unattractive

Title	What dating advice would you give to women?
Author	Glowupgirl111
Upvotes	78
Comments	327
Date	July 9, 2023 9:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14vaqlh/what_dating_advice_would_you_give_to_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-dating-advice-would-you-give-to-women.1224788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224788

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