Most women want something serious once they are above 30 while men want nothing serious when above 30. Why?

wanderer1976 · 2021-05-09T02:35:35+00:00

I wanted the relationship when I was young. I had my "shit together" as you put it. A steady job, enough money for my own place, I even traveled to interesting places. I found that relationship after going through an asshole phase that came after being the guy whose shoulder all the girls cried on as they complained about their boyfriends to me.

Years of a sexless marriage and a vindictive and abusive wife change a man. I came out the other side wanting nothing at all to do with marriage, and I looked sideways at any sort of committed romantic relationship as I viewed them all the same. I didn't want anything serious and I was blunt about it and the reason why.

My marriage now was driven more the considerations of business, oddly enough it's warmer and more loving than my marriage for "luv" ever was.

AceOfBlacks · 2021-05-08T20:57:23+00:00

Spent my 20s with severe depression partially due to rejections due to my financial status and the fact I lived with my parents, at the time I was unable to do anything about my financial/housing situation because of elements outside of my control. After a lot of pain and suffering on my personal journey that I had to take alone I reached a turning point, today I'm heading for my masters in software engineering, but the scars of my prior horrible relationships and the neglect has changed me. I now have an incredible personality and am able to attract incredibly intelligent and equally interesting people into my circle of friends. But while all of this was happening, I was always keen on observing my peers, and the amount of scumbags that I saw dating the women around me was impossible to ignore. After a decade of solitude I had grown very strong, and I am genuinely comfortable living by myself with absolute freedom, dating is the least of my priorities. I don't attribute this to every man out there though, but this is my story.

Hellsteelz · 2021-05-08T20:36:29+00:00

I see more and more people being content as single. I don't know if it's specific for each country but here in Sweden people would rather live alone than be in a unfulfilling relationship.

UrbanFarmerSB · 2021-05-09T03:09:01+00:00

There’s an analogy to this that I like:

Imagine that there’s a candy store. Women can go inside the candy store when they turn 18, but men have to wait until they save enough money, reach a certain social status, work consistently in the gym, and essentially become stable in life. By the time the men go inside the candy store, they go nuts. Women look at them like “why are you going so crazy for this candy? It’s just candy”, but women don’t realize that men haven’t had access to so much candy since the same age as them.

saladfingers4141 · 2021-05-08T21:41:40+00:00

Sometimes posts on here just don’t add up to anything I’ve ever seen in reality and this is one of them. Women are obviously going to be more urgently looking to settle down the older they get if they want to have children but what evidence do you have that the older men get they are less likely to want anything serious?

asdf333aza · 2021-05-09T11:18:37+00:00

The MOST VALUABLE THING a female has to offer is not sex. It's not emotional support. It's not friendship or companionship. It's her youth. Her youth is the most valuable thing she has to offer a male. And many women waste it or squander it and all of a sudden they find themselves unable to get married.

If you aren't willing to commit to a man when he has nothing aka younger years of 18 to 24 or so, than you're not worthy of his commitment when he has everything. That is literally like the main nonsexual thing thing guys want from women. Loyalty. They want to know that should they get sick, should they lose everything, should they be injured that you would stay with them regardless. And you chance to prove that is by being loyal to him as he comes up on life. You can't prove that once he is already successful. One he is already successful all you can do is say you're the type of chick who is loyal and always down for her dude, but you know who else is saying that? Every other girl.

Your chance to stand out is the find him before he is successful and stay with him. Now understand there are guys who will take advantage of you or leave you once they get big. However, as a female your job is to find the right man to trust in. And for some odd reason, you females put your trust in guys who are obviously no good aka the bad boys.

If you want a hvm, you get him while you are both still young. He is still moldable. You can still influence how he going to turn out. You can show him that you are going to always value him. If you are just another harpy who sees a hvm AFTER the work he put in, then you're basically just going to be another notch on his belt.

Timmy721123 · 2021-05-08T22:41:51+00:00

Several things.

I had GF in college but once I graduated I was invisible.

I learned to do without. I learned to be happy by myself.

I turned 32ish and women were seeking me. Average STEM guy. They offered sex to get commitment because I was good beta provider material. But...

It was my time to sow my oats. F, women were chatting me up. One night stands, str, ltrs, playing house.

After 12 years single, I learned to be happy by my self. You want me to change for you? I just did 12 years single. Single feels right. You want marriage and babies, slow the F down. Your clock? Maybe we aren't a match after all.

When I was 42 I was ready to settle down. But all the women i wanted in my cohort were married.

Etc.

beeboo2021 · 2021-05-09T03:42:37+00:00

While I can’t speak for all women, I know many friends of mine who are women (and myself included) in our 20s we were all looking for something serious but the guys that were also in their 20s were not. Funnily enough as I get older it seems guys want to settle down and women don’t!

ridderrobby · 2021-05-08T22:58:00+00:00

If they wanted something serious before 30 they wouldn't be on the market post 30 to want nothing serious.

IcarusKiki · 2021-05-09T04:38:29+00:00

Women start caring about their biological clock in their thirties so are desperate to settle down. Men have a less urgent biological clock so are less desperate. Plus confirmation bias: the high value men who want to settle down get snatched up off market pretty quickly.

Tedauz · 2021-05-09T12:48:55+00:00

Because women’s sexual value in the sexual marketplace has a clock. Their youthful looks and bodies from their 20s decline, whereas men’s only improve with age.

Women spent their entire 20s rejecting nice guys, but suddenly want one to settle down with in their 30s because they’ve realised they don’t have the same pulling power they did in their 20s.

“There’s nothing more valuable than a woman in her 20s, and there’s nothing less valuable than a man in his 20s.”

PeskyHijinks · 2021-05-08T20:39:49+00:00

Because 80% men in their 20's are rejected by women. They are ignored by women seeking older men or only the top 10% of men in their age bracket. When these men are in their 30's, and are at their maximum desirability to women, why would they go for the same group of women who scorned them in their 20's, many of which have kids from other men and who want financial support and have very unreasonable expectations of men in their same age bracket, when they can have the women in their 20's who now want them, don't have the same baggage as women in their 30's, and who are in their prime desirability. The majority of guys in their 20's would love a chance to be serious with a good woman, but most aren't afforded the opportunity to do so. At least that's my opinion. Your mileage may vary.

geyejoe7 · 2021-05-08T21:52:55+00:00

Because unless you get lucky (considering you're not a HVM, but rather an average Joe):

A man will never have a good time dating.

Teenage years

Most women care about looks only. So only hot guys get laid.

Young adult

You just finished your education, or are going to further it. You have little money, and women your age are dating guys 30+ that have their shit together.

Adult

You have more options than before, because you're in your prime years. Women your age have also made money, and no longer value you as a "provider", so they look for a guy that makes more than her, or is hot, or high SMV, while in the same time, they want that same dude to be father material. These men exist, but are rare, and don't look for 30+ year old women.

The girls you have chances with are younger women. But they're no good for relationships because they're immature.

40 to 50+

If you didn't settle down before, you won't do it now. You're too old for young women, you're not attracted to these 30+ year old boss kwins, because they offer you no value.

Basically, get fortunate at a young age or die alone or in an unsatisfactory marriage.

everythingelseisfull · 2021-05-10T13:04:53+00:00

Most women under 30 want relationships as well. They just chase men they have no hope with. Many men hear enough "woe is me he doesn't love me stories" and initially decide not to sleep around. However, most of those men eventually ask "why am I the only one missing out, when this is women's cause"?

Barneysparky · 2021-05-08T20:53:03+00:00

Guys turn more serious about relationships when they are 28 or so, the ones who are ready for marriage find someone at that time, the ones who will be never ready for marriage don't.

pongaminbloom · 2021-05-08T21:31:26+00:00

When a man isn't married at 35+ , it's usually because he doesn't want to commit to anyone long term. When a woman is single over 30 (or even 25) it's more often because she wasted large amounts of time in "relationships" with the aforementioned men.

As a general rule, women want their college relationships to lead to marriage. A lot of men would rather keep playing the field as long as they have game.

moon5tone · 2021-05-08T20:37:58+00:00

Men who are even remotely appealing to women and are inclined to settle down have usually gotten around to it before turning 30. The men left over are the ones who were never interested in settling down in the first place, and the ones who were never appealing to women (and for the most part, still aren't).

sdwdqw65 · 2021-05-09T05:40:14+00:00

A lot of answers in here but I didn’t really hear this one.

A common one is that single people just get set in their ways after a while and don’t really feel comfortable being in a relationship because it would mean they’d have to change their lifestyle, make compromises, simply get used to being around someone all the time, etc. Being in a relationship takes work and if you have been single for a long enough period of time you just get used to it and comfortable.

We also experience loneliness sometimes and yes sometimes we have those day dreams about what it would be like to be in a relationship and maybe you have those day dreams/memories of taking her out on a cute picnic date with paninis you cooked for her. But by the time you’re 30 you’re not as prone to fall for and be deluded by only focusing on the good moments. With maturity and life experience you know that relationships aren’t just about having a good time and fun, there are sacrifices and maybe it isn’t worth it for you personally.

You also know (or at least should) by 30 that you can’t take people at face value. How people act in front of others can be very different to how they act behind closed doors. You never really know what people are like and you just have to have faith that if you do pick someone that you picked right. Some people just have had too many bad experiences to have have trust and be vulnerable like that again. Also the skepticism you have towards people can just make getting to know people feel like more of a hassle compare to when you were younger and more naive.

StiophanOC · 2021-05-09T05:42:41+00:00

Most women want something serious once they are above 30 while men want nothing serious when above 30.

You need hard data to make an enormous claim like this.

SamGlass · 2021-05-09T09:07:00+00:00

Most girls I knew always wanted something serious. The CC seems to be due to guys appealing to that impulse. It's never been a secret dudes use "I love you" "You're the only one I want" "What we have is special" etc. to get sum poon. Am I wrong? Not saying all romantic guys are lying, just that slutty guys adopt that persona in order to get laid. So imo the 30+ women seeking LTR and marriage aren't different from younger women at all in their aims, they're just, imo, more aggressive/assertive and outspoken/articulate about their aims, and probably a little more hip to being wary, i.e. they try a lot harder to sus out who's bullshitting. Instead of assuming guys want the same thing as them, they start to intentionally broadcast what they want cause they've, with age, come to realize a lot of guys just want to f as many females as possible. This increased awareness which translates into increased vocalness is then erroneously inferred, by people like you, as an increased desire.

Cock hopping confers no benefits to a female as far as I can tell, so I see no reason they'd do it of their own volition, esp the younger. Many girls I knew wanted their first to be their only, but the boyfriends just never proposed.

daddysgotanew · 2021-05-09T18:21:14+00:00

Time is not the female’s friend, especially when they fill it with random dick, boxes of wine, hard drugs, and no exercise

midwesternMD · 2021-05-10T04:38:22+00:00

I’m a mid-30s man. I am open to something serious with a late 20s/very early-30s woman. Any older than that, and I’m not interested in anything more than casual.

For me, this comes down to kids.

I would like to have kids, but it’s not a huge life goal of mine. I’m only willing to have kids in the context of a marriage. And I’m only going to consider marriage with a younger woman specifically because I don’t want to needlessly take higher risks on having a special needs child with an older woman. If she’s older (so I know I don’t want to have kids with her), marriage/“something serious” is off the table as far as I’m concerned.

Is that callous? A little bit.

Will I apologize for it? No. I want what I want. Nobody should settle in this live. Not if they can help it, at least.

Hoopy223 · 2021-05-08T21:23:55+00:00

Lol tons of 30something guys tying the knot. Shit lots of them are on their second marriages haha.

Women who say Men “won’t commit” are usually trying to punch above their weight.

AidsVictim · 2021-05-08T22:16:30+00:00

Most women "left over" in the dating market after 30 are not desirable (looks or personality wise) or they're divorcees which is its own mixed bag. The most agreeable, attractive, and otherwise desirable women are already taken. The same is true for men to an extent but there seems to be a much larger amount that have worked on self improvement and are seeing the results in their 30's.

I think most men in their 30's that have improved themselves want a serious relationship but their prospects are relatively poor because the 30+ dating pool is generally poor quality. Men don't commit when they feel they are dating someone not at their "level".

My reasoning is that as a man at the age of 18, you don't have your shit together and most girls your age are not into you and are dating older men with their shit together.

Most women are dating men around their same age, maybe slightly older on average. They are happy to fuck men that don't "have their shit together" as long as they are attractive and/or popular enough. This is just the point in life (early 20's) when the 80/20 is closest to reality.

Sonic_The_Hamster · 2021-05-08T20:25:11+00:00

Or maybe men above 30 realise that women hold all the power when married and realise how badly they will be screwed if it goes wrong and choose not having anything to do with them.

And women realise that they have chosen the least fulfilling path and want to try and settle down before men with their shit together go for much younger women than them.

Anything else is just lying to yourself.

OldSimpsonsisbetter · 2021-05-09T01:30:14+00:00

I'd love something serious (speaking as a male) but serious to a woman = a sexless marriage where you are forced to uphold the traditional male duties of providing and protecting, while she isn't forced to uphold any female duties.

This is the problem with serious relationships for men. They mean no sex. If men could guarantee enthusiastic, regular sex, I'm sure more of them would be up for something serious.

Would love to hear your thoughts OP!

Ladyofblades · 2021-05-08T21:17:59+00:00

It depends on your area. A lot of men over 30 start looking seriously if they’re still single.

Banned_BY_SOYMEN · 2021-05-08T20:30:28+00:00

They either are divorced, broke up after something serious, or they went a long enough time without anything serious that they realized they don't need it.

KurkTheMagnificent · 2021-05-09T02:12:17+00:00

Men & women have different growth cycles---not meant to be paired together by biological age. I honestly believe schools should be segregated for this reason; both genders just distract each other and help feed society's blue-pilled lies.

I will have my CPA license before the age of 25 and my own location independent niche tax practice shortly thereafter. I don't party, I don't drink, I am selective about the friends I spend time with. My entire young adult life thus far has been spent studying/learning. As such, I have been invisible/ignored by most women and rejected by the few I approached with ltr intentions.

I do not hold them in contempt, as it is natural behavior. Traditional monogamous marriage is religious/societal programming-based and unnatural. At the same time, when I am bringing in $250K a year at age 30, I will be chillin in Miami (or wherever in the world I want with an internet connection) looking for poon to slay on a weekly basis. Women will have to enter my frame if they want a LTR.

So to answer the OP; generally speaking women are at their peak value in their early twenties while most men who aren't dicking around peak in thirties, yes. Each side has options but at different stages of their biological lives.

Humans were not meant to pair-bond around biological age, but sexual value. It should be more acceptable for 10 year age differences to suit this criteria.

Pickled_Tink_Tea · 2021-05-08T20:55:57+00:00

I've noticed the opposite with men. All the males in my friendship group, aqaintances and colleagues would spend teens and early 20s playing the field then be ready to settle down between their late 20s and mid 30s.

Maybe it's just the culture of my country (UK), but any man who does the opposite is definitely considered the odd one out. Not in a bad way, just that he's going against the norm.

Xaviermanx2 · 2021-05-08T22:16:28+00:00

I think you're severely exaggerating the proportion of both males and females that want flings.

Generally most people want commitment. What you're seeing here is the bulk of men that DO want flings, and because it's hard for them, they resent women for not having it hard. Even though women at large don't take advantage of that. Because truly, it isn't an advantage to be used and abused, and it's safer and more pleasurable to use sex toys.

It's a lie to generalize us as sluts, it's a cope to propose that women are too undesirable to get what we really want, respect and love. You lie to yourself saying that we're sluts with zero integrity, classic tear someone down to feel better about yourself.

I think us rejecting sex and relationships with you is one example of our intelligence though, and non-committal men can't stand it.

pussandra · 2021-05-09T00:57:02+00:00

Men and women both have limited reproduction time. As parents age, rate of miscarriage, developmental issues, other conditions all increase

Master-Edward-3 · 2021-05-09T00:04:58+00:00

Something I don’t quite understand yet is why women are recognized generally to push for marriage, to turn around and then are notorious for being the majority initiators of divorces.

asdf333aza · 2021-05-09T11:52:09+00:00

Lots of guys at age 30 won't even date a girl their own age. Age 30 women are too old for age 30 men. He will be looking at women 22 to 28. Now if you're one of the outlines who still looks good at 30, you're good, but most women by that age start to resemble their mothers pretty heavily. With jowls. Crows feet, dry skin, dull hair, facial hair. Saggy breast and so on.

Age 30 men who missed out on banging young, hot, tight and fertile 20 year olds are out to make up for lost time. So they won't even look at a 30+ age female cause they don't have to. At age 30 a man still has access to girls in their 20s and girls in their 30s. If he is a guy who had to work his way to success, he will be looking to bang out as many women as possible.. On the flip side, most females aren't willing to date down. They want someone at or above their level in terms of success and that typically comes with age. So a 30 year old female dating younger isn't the norm. Unless she just wants sex, but from what I read on these subs women get tired of random sex a lot quicker than men do.

The way you get hvm at age 30 who aren't trying to fuck 20 year old girls is to be that 20 year old girl who was fucking him in his 20s. If you approach him in your youth and youre fucking and screwing his brains out while he is in his 20s, he won't be one of those 30 year old men who is out there trying to make up for experiences and times he missed cause he already had those times, WITH YOU and now he is more loving, loyal and dedicated to you for it.

The main issue of all of this comes from women not wanting to give to men, and then getting mad and upset and feeling jaded when men don't want to give back. The most valuable thing a female has to offer a male is her youth.period. end of story.

Approaching a male and trying to get get a relationship without it is the female version of being scrub on the passenger side of the best friend's ride trying to Holla at me. I mean you might stand a chance with some low self esteem guy, but no guy of value is going to take you serious. The same way a female won't take the scrub serious.

blaze_eternal · 2021-05-08T21:01:23+00:00

The "typical" 18 year old female graduates from high school already possessing most of the qualities needed to consistently attract quality adult male partners - looks and relative youth/health.

On the other hand, the desires of many women are more nuanced. Sure, they want their partners to be attractive, but compared to men they'll typically treat attractiveness as a baseline requirement rather than the ultimate objective. Miscellaneous qualities of their potential partners - like maturity, financial stability, and social influence - play heavy parts as well. Thus a "typical" man is not likely to have much appeal in the dating market until closer to age 30, and possibly not even then.

Thus on many occasions women simply get a decade-long head start on dating compared to "equivalent" men. It's inevitable then, that many of the men will adopt the mentality of making up for lost time.

I've known of married couples who got divorced over the husband's infidelity, and the guy was demonized. Come to find out, the Mrs "explored" with dozens of guys before marriage while the Mr barely had any partners before the Mrs came along.

That's no justification for cheating or dishonesty of any sort. But when you look at the overall picture, society might hesitate a little more before automatically demonizing guys who become promiscuous in their 30s.

It's an ignorant oversimplification to reflexively act like all those guys are monsters.

afistfulofyen · 2021-05-09T01:15:34+00:00

I don't think women want something serious so much as they are groomed from birth to believe that's the only value they have, is as wife and mother aka lifetime slave. God help the little girls with brothers, they would have been cleaning up after them, too.

Single women are consistently shown to be the happiest, followed by widows and lesbians. Hence the nonstop campaigning to get them locked down to males lest they become Crazy Cat Ladies. But married women are consistently the most miserable.

alberto-hoff · 2021-05-09T00:05:08+00:00

Selection bias.

The women using those subs are there because they can't find men in their 30s.

IRL, most men in their 30s want a relationship - just not with them unfortunately.

ElleDreamface · 2021-05-09T01:44:00+00:00

most girls your age are not into you and are dating older men with their shit together

wrong, most women date people their own age.

Extremely__Moderate · 2021-05-09T01:56:36+00:00

Power dynamic shift, so each group (young women, older men) have more options and don't want to be tied down.

Shining-Polaris · 2021-05-09T02:27:51+00:00

Your sample population is relationship subreddits- please remember that as you navigate the real world.

gumnut__ · 2021-05-09T05:48:52+00:00

most men are married or paired off after 30 and don't hang out on reddit talking about their marriages. women talk about relationships and dating more in general, so it makes sense you'll see more women talking about it online

Reisiluu · 2021-05-09T06:01:14+00:00

I know two chronically single men around 30 years old and they are not any less eager to find someone than before. I bet they would rather marry a woman, than be dumped and go another decade without intimacy.

Impressive-Spot-1191 · 2021-05-09T08:17:28+00:00

I'm inclined to agree with your assessment on men not wanting long-term/serious relationships past the age of 30 because if you're in the game, you can get laid without needing to lay down commitment most of the time. If you're not in the game by age 30, you've probably checked out.

I don't think that women at 30 are actually being outcompeted by other women at 30 who provide more sex for less commitment; they're being outcompeted by 25 year old women who provide more sex for less commitment.

Steyrox · 2021-05-09T09:18:59+00:00

I think the sweet spot is somewhere around 28-32 right now, at least for educated people. Thats when these people have built some some starter-nest and its not just "possible prospects" that you evaluate other people for but actual results.

Before this women have the clear upper hand with their youth-card. After this it tends to be more men, at least men who have accumulated resources. Ugly women are left out everywhere and the same with men without resources.

I dont believe this peak attractiveness of men in their 30s one bit. Men peak in sex appeal just like women do in their 20s. Mens peak attractiveness for forming a long term relationship happens when he has accumulated some resources and is ready to settle down, which can happen for some men in their 30s, but thats different.

I think we are doing men a disservice if we keep telling them that their peak will happen in their 30s or later, its just as bad as the feminist lies but the other way around.

I think the adivice to both young men and women should be: If you want to form a relationship and have kids the best window is late 20s. Get your shit together by then, or you will be in trouble.

blasphemusbunions · 2021-05-09T09:49:37+00:00

Once a man is successful, he has to choose very carefully who his long term partner will be. It's a massive risk to his success if he doesnt. When he wasn't successful, there was no risk.

I can't speak for women. I reckon they're just fed up with flings. Men never get bored of em cus muh dick.

asdf333aza · 2021-05-09T11:12:31+00:00

If you did not help bake the pie, you don't get to eat it. It's that simple. There is a literal kindergarten book about this. It's a Hen asking the 3 pigs to help her make a pie, and the pigs say "no". So the Hen makes the pie herself and now she's eating it by herself, while the 3 pigs stare and beg for some, but the Hen sticks true to her words and gives them nothing.

King_of_kings4 · 2021-05-09T11:34:38+00:00

I was totally undesirable to women for the majority of my life. It's only in the last year have things clicked for me (30yo). I want to enjoy this new found power.

asdf333aza · 2021-05-09T11:35:43+00:00

It's absurd, women won't give the best years of their life to a man. They want to keep those years to themselves and do whatever they want. They are living their best lives until they CANT no more.

But as soon as that ride is up

They want a man to give the best years of his life to her. He should be over all that young and fun stuff. He should of did all that in his 20s, except MOST MEN can't live their best lives until their 30s. So now that he is able to live it up, she expect him to sacrifice all of that for her, despite her value decreasing day by day. He should pass on fucking multiple young 22 year old girls and travel the world so he can settle down with a 33 year old female who is eager to quit her job and be a sahm. And if he isn't willing to do that, incomes the shaming tactics. Aka he is immature. He is afraid of commitment. Be a real man, and marry me and raise these kids that ain't yours. And blah blah blah.

Point is, women won't give the best years of their life to you, and now men aren't giving the best years of their lives to them. The first insult here starts with the female acting out. Those old couples that you see together nowadays usually stay together because they got together young.

The longer you wait to find your person the more time you are giving someone else to fuck them up. And then by the time you get to them, they don't want you or you don't want them.

Less-Ad9600 · 2021-05-09T11:45:01+00:00

Men's value increase with age while women's decreases with time. Nothing has and will change. 30s and 40s are men's version of the carosel. We are just exercising options.

rising_son · 2021-05-09T14:07:32+00:00

Looking at FDS = OMEGALUL.

DatingVX · 2021-05-09T14:23:38+00:00

Men don't start showing their value/getting women at ages 30+

Women have been getting men since, lets just say since 18 - 30 non-stop.

They've had the experience already and want to settle, men are just realizing their strengths and value and are then seeing succes. Especially with today's demands.

Det_Steve_Sloan · 2021-05-09T14:33:33+00:00

Because men are more intelligent and less impulsive than women and are usually in better positions in life beyond 30.

BestLibertarianTemp · 2021-05-09T21:57:54+00:00

Most women want something serious once they are above 30

something serious

A nice way to call a dead bedroom relationship with a beta provider.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2021-05-08T22:17:35+00:00

Men at that age are usually experiencing the prime of their career. If they aren't married then, they would much rather focus on growing.

Women usually experience anxiety as 30 approaches due to their biological clock, society expectations, and marriage envy of their friends. The last one is probably the most influential.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-05-08T22:27:26+00:00

No, it's opposite. If you want easy no strings attached with no feelings or "when are you going to marry me?" crap get a 35+ woman.

If you want a guy looking for a wife, go 30+ for men.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-05-08T20:49:31+00:00

I don’t think that’s true. In fact I’ve found it to be opposite - men under 30 are useless for relationships.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-05-08T20:45:17+00:00

Well I won't generalize and say men don't want anything serious after 30, plenty do, I'd even say the majority of men do either that or are already involved in something serious, but being 35 kind of in that situation that you're describing , I would say that if you didn't waste your teens and twenties and you have your shit together by your late 20s early 30s, and the way dating and marriage is now these days, and you can still attract women specifically young ones, why go through the trouble? My girlfriend is 23 right now, and we met under a unique circumstance, how long it'll last I'm not sure but nonetheless it works because even though we're semi-serious we both just enjoy each other's company without worrying too much about the future on either end.

As far as my particular situation I'm probably going to retire from my job in about 10 years , I could now but they have a sweet retirement plan and I'll meet the qualifications then, the only thing in terms of seriousness I'll be looking for is a chill LTR , I'm not going to marry and I know I'm having a kid be a surrogate in the next two or three years, so I'm probably not going to knock anybody up, as long as she's cool fucking me, feeding me, getting high and doing some traveling that's about as serious as I'll ever care about

renfsu · 2021-05-08T23:21:51+00:00

Because a lot of dudes don't bloom until later in life. Also, there's a very good chance they have more options than in their 20s, so the desire to settle is less. Above 30 is where a lot of women get that baby fever, something you rarely see in 20 something yr old women. Plus women just tend to more likely want to settle down. And have kids. Men want to keep sleeping around. 30s and 40s is where male and female smv starts to look more even (for the people that take care of themselves).

iloafbread · 2021-05-08T23:30:32+00:00

Besides the men whom are 35+ years and have been divorced, this isn’t my experience in the real world. Both men and woman 30+ are looking for something serious. A lot of men I know are looking to settle down after 30.

4derp · 2021-05-08T23:44:37+00:00

Relationships are like responsibility. The more you give a person, the more responsible (relationship compatible) they become.

If they're scraping for the scraps of engagement throughout their twenties because women prefer established HVM, then when they enter their high value period, they are not compatible for relationships having trained themselves to be mostly alone except for needing some touch and release occasionally.

I'd say every so often the genders fall out of balance in this regard and then someone writes a set of rules into religion or law that balances out this problem and for a time creates harmony until another generation comes along that eschews tradition in totality for complete self-indulgent hedonism. We're just living in a decline. Everyone feels it, but I think everyone blames everyone else.

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2021-05-08T23:55:27+00:00

Are you sure this is accurate? If you're basing this on anecdotes from dating forums, you have to ask how much it really represents "most" men and women. People on dating forums may be seeking relationships more often than the general single population.

50% of all American singles don't want a relationship. 61% of single men report looking for a relationship vs only 38% of women.

This seems to confirm your observation, at least a greater ratio if not a greater number:

"Women daters are significantly more likely than men to be exclusively seeking a committed relationship (36% say they are looking for this, compared with 22% of men)."

"older daters (40 and older) are more likely than younger daters to be looking only for something casual (24% vs. 15%)"

Only 17% of never-married people are seeking casual dates vs a relationship.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/

Ihateregistering6 · 2021-05-09T00:07:34+00:00

OP, are you basing this on any data? As far as I could find, Men are over 30 (on average) when they get married.

https://www.theknot.com/content/average-age-of-marriage

The idea that a man wants to be a bachelor forever once he hits 30 doesn't seem true at all.

Demasii · 2021-05-09T00:08:14+00:00

Going through r/redpillwomen, r/askwomenabove30, FDS, and tinder subs, I have noticed that women tend to want serious relationship leading to marriage after they are 30 while men at that age seeks nothing serious but short flings. Why?

Fertility and everyone else getting married in their late 20's for women.

Men hit the "I gotta settle down" stage at 35. Which makes sense since women tend to date older men. They are signaling to men that it's time to marry.

https://www.today.com/health/reason-why-men-marry-some-women-not-others-t74671

For men

After age 38, the chances they will ever marry drop dramatically.

ballerrr123 · 2021-05-09T05:36:41+00:00

Once women are in their 30s they realize how much feminism has failed them and took away the good years of their life’s for a political statement. Men after 30 dealt with the feminists lost half their income and aren’t willing to try it again.

Zombombaby · 2021-05-08T23:40:47+00:00

My husband wanted to have a house, car, marriage and 2 kids before 30. I was the one dragging my feet.

It's different for everyone. It's not gender related.

poppy_blu · 2021-05-08T21:08:34+00:00

Dating and relationships subs will never be anything close to representative of the average. Most (including this one) have been overrun by LARPers and losers trolling pill rhetoric and political talking points.

2021-05-08T22:41:56+00:00

I've wanted something serious my entire life. I would have been thrilled to marry the first boy who paid attention to me in middle school. I have no idea why you would want something casual.

YveisGrey · 2021-05-09T04:28:01+00:00

What? Lol both men and women tend to date more seriously in their late 20s early 30s younger men and women are usually the ones who don’t take dating seriously

unicornsnrainbows111 · 2021-05-08T21:33:52+00:00

Prob because most women want kids. After 30 they feel time is ticking and they need to hurry up and find someone. For men it's not like that because they can have kids whenever. I know lots of men who only decided to settle down in their late 30's or early 40's but most all women I know are looking for a long term relationship even if they deny it. Also sex, lots of men want multiple sex partners and actively persue multiple sex partners whereas women tend to not really do this. Even if a woman claims they just want sex, if they happen to meet a guy who wants sex AND A relationship too, they almost always will get into the relationship. Men don't necessarily do this, if let's say they were fucking a woman and she wanted more, most men who were just being promiscuous would think long and hard about getting into that serious relationship, much more than a woman would IMO.

PoliticsIsBroken · 2021-05-08T22:27:38+00:00

There are plenty of men who want serious relationships under 30, they are just invisible to most women.

grahamcookiefart · 2021-05-08T23:07:39+00:00

Seems pretty anecdotal to me. If you're seeking having a family then there's no sense in looking for a serious relationship starting 30, fertility doesn't last a lifetime. I'm in my early twenties and getting married, fiancé is mid twenties. Our friend / colleagues group is similar and we live in Europe.

Again, I think the public image is shaped by people using social media. You'll see the 30+ women who've had their promiscuous years behind them looking for a serious relationship, you'll think that this group is representative for women. However, the type of women who are traditionalist won't be on social media or in r/Tinder screenshots (or any dating apps for that matter) - they won't be making up your image of the public because they are not in the public.

I have noticed that women tend to want serious relationship leading to marriage after they are 30

Through browsing a select few of subreddits. It's like only going to the bar or club to meet women and saying "I've noticed that all women nowadays drink and go clubbing".

To (attempt to) answer your question though, why a woman - not most women - would want to rush into a serious relationship after 30 I suppose would be because she knows her beauty is in atrophy or maybe the last wish of rearing children kicked in. As for men over 30, presumably if a man has stayed single till after 30, he's had some troublesome past with women and is done with the sh*t, noticed that he's self sufficient and is over the bonding-come-heartbreak cycle that he's endured. This is just an assumption though because I'm not a man and I cannot speak on behalf of men.

Xaviermanx2 · 2021-05-08T22:38:59+00:00

A lot of men are willing to be in something serious over 30 because of lack of options. But men NEVER want anything serious, why the fuck would they if they have options? Why would I tie myself down for a woman, what does that do for me? I cant fuck other women, I probably lose income, after a year or so and the honeymoon phase is over I gotta deal with bitching and negging? Its like lmaooo why the fuck would I do that for most women? For like the right girl I could see that but thats so rare.

asdf333aza · 2021-05-09T11:22:53+00:00

It's not just fertility that drops off at around 30. It's everything. Breast sag more due to them being less dense due to lower estrogen levels. They gain more weight. Skin isn't as tight. Skin isn't as shiny. Jowls sets in. Bone density decreases. Joints ache more. Blood pressure increases. Social circle shrinks. Male attention drops.

Point is, women aren't made to work into their 60s like men are. Their body deteriorates quickly after 30. And by age 40, most of them are doing their absolute best to be a stay at home wife or mom. For all this independence and strong women feminist bs, almost no female makes it to the retirement age of 65+ by working. Their body won't last.

That's why getting a man becomes pivotal by that age. It's not just their biological clock telling them to have kids, it's their body and mind telling them, that they don't and can't work for the rest of their lives as well. They need to form a parasitic relationship with a man to drain his resource from him to better their own life and their children's life.

Thing is by that age, a female has nothing to offer. And the only men willing take them are the ones who can't give them the lives they want.

Physical-Pie748 · 2021-05-08T21:52:53+00:00

because men at 30 start to get value with money and status and most women had their best value in their 20s. so before they start too loose too much smv they start to settle down fast. men can keep a high value until 40 before they also loose their looks (because men age a little bit slower, thats why you see a few couples where the men is 10 years older or a little bit more. and also, i know male models in their 30s who still have young girl who like them. but i dont know many women model in their 30s who have the same number of men, most men go to the younger 20s women model. and women in their 30s stop model job sometimes). why should men settle down in their 30s when they have value after they got money status and not do the same women did in their 20s? enjoy it and sleeping around. its fair i guess. and most men who wanted to settle down did this already. so most men left at 30 got money status and could increase their value and dont wanna settle down and have fun before, or just dont care about settling down and just wanna sleep around like in their 20s. or its just weird men creeps who no women wants.

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-05-08T22:09:02+00:00

Not true. Most women want long term relationships since they start dating, however many younger men mostly want hookups and older men are unattractive so not every woman in her 20s get to meet relationships material man.

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Physiologist21 · 2021-05-08T22:24:17+00:00

Yes, that is exactly why. Pretty much everything between men and women is antithetical.

psypD · 2021-05-09T02:24:12+00:00

...men want nothing serious when above 30. Why?

Because we learned from those women that they aren't and will never be able to have something serious when we first had to deal with them in their 20s.

2021-05-09T03:38:33+00:00

If you're looking in those places for a representative sample of the world at large; then you my friend are barking up the wrong tree.

5915407 · 2021-05-09T03:45:44+00:00

I haven’t noticed this effect? I see lots of men wanting something serious.

LotBuilder · 2021-05-09T04:25:37+00:00

I’m my experience relationships work well with about a 10 year gap. When women hit 25/26 they should be looking to settle down and men start to look between 35-40. If a woman is 30 and wants to be serious she should know it’s probably not going to be with a guy her age. That is the disconnect.

nyclaurco · 2021-05-09T05:44:10+00:00

...huh? usually people just kind of vibe until they’re in their mid to late 20s when they start seriously looking and then shack up or marry in their late 20s or early 30s. besides the few people who got married very early (and actually lasted) and some spinsters who die alone (which is fine - we all die alone technically) or settle at 40.

mangolover97 · 2021-05-09T06:45:12+00:00

Men who want relationships settle down way before thirty. If a man is single at 30+ and he’s not a divorcee, widow or incel he’s probably that way by choice and will be single until the day he dies.

A lot of women these days want something serious after 30 because they feel that’s when they have something to offer but I’d say for women this mentality really starts during their late 20s. They bring more to the table because most people who are developmentally on track have finished their higher education and established themselves in a career by this point and they’re more financially and mentally stable. Again though I want to stress that this is if they’re developmentally on track I’m aware there’s mentally ill exceptions. Women by this age also have figured out what they actually want and like.

Lots0souL · 2021-05-09T06:50:51+00:00

I (40m) went through this in my 30’s. Just as you said, I got no play in my younger years (including my 20’s), but once I hit my 30’s, I found my center, my confidence, my career, and I couldn’t keep the women away. I needed a (long) period of time to enjoy indulging in the women that had always eluded me. Now that I’m 40, I’ve had my fun and I’m ready to settle down with my current girlfriend.

CregSantiago · 2021-05-09T07:15:00+00:00

This correct the philosophy for a man was work hard and keep your head down in your 20's and arrive in your 30s with fat checks...

Excellent_Ad_5728 · 2021-05-09T07:17:42+00:00

http://themillennialdaily.com/heres-why-you-need-to-subscribe-to-audible-in-2021/

analt223 · 2021-05-09T08:19:53+00:00

Men, myself included, didnt get to have much fun in our 20s. My sister got to though.

GrandRub · 2021-05-09T08:20:16+00:00

i never get that urge from many women to have a "serious relationship"... it always bothers me that they seek a relationship... and the men just play a role in that script.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-05-09T08:26:43+00:00

Basically. It is just easier once you get older. When you have more options you want to explore more. Whereas if you have gone through many options early you know what you want. So Basically the older guys are playing catchup in a way.

GrandRub · 2021-05-09T08:26:47+00:00

As men grow up we see that a "serious relationship" isnt worth it in most cases.

Unless you a. want family,children and tradcuck 1950s lifestyle or b. you meet a realy realy great women - i just dont see any need to have a "searious relationship" for a man (and for women also)

Title	Most women want something serious once they are above 30 while men want nothing serious when above 30. Why?
Author	12inchbamboo
Upvotes	145
Comments	492
Date	May 8, 2021 8:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/n7xliy/most_women_want_something_serious_once_they_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-women-want-something-serious-once-they-are.758270 https://theredarchive.com/post/758270

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