Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered December 3 2020

shoo_coworker · 2020-12-03T20:00:52+00:00

My sister can't decorate her house to her taste because her husband disapproves of everything without offering alternatives. Meanwhile I'm living by myself and I set up a bubblegum pink Christmas tree in my pink parlor 😂

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-21T01:21:54+00:00

I finally made the decision to spend Xmas with myself, and I am mildly relieved. (I was on the fence about seeing relatives). Anyone in my same boat? What do you plan to do? 🙂

no_pwname · 2020-12-20T23:12:23+00:00

When did datingoverthirty level up? It seems there is more fds mentality from the women on there and more self awareness from men. I'm actually surprised.

2020-12-20T22:30:22+00:00

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jjlew922 · 2020-12-03T20:28:04+00:00

Do we have a list of suggested date ideas during COVID? I swear I thought I saw a post on this but can’t find it!

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-20T18:47:15+00:00

I just want to confirm I’m not crazy. My ex never acknowledged me on social media but I didn’t feel like it was a topic I could bring up because really it’s none of my business what he posts. We broke up shortly after his birthday this year. I sent him a meal from a Michelin Star restaurant (he’s the dude who refused to see me at all due to Covid). He debated in front of me on FaceTime whether or not he’d post a picture of it ultimately deciding no. Now I hate people who post food but he has a propensity for posting boring pictures. This year he’s posted 6 pictures total and they’re all of beer cans on his keyboard. I couldn’t help but feel he didn’t post it because he didn’t want to acknowledge me.

How do you guys handle social media in your relationships? I posted about him occasionally if we did something special but I just don’t feel like it’s something you can ask someone to do.

prettyexcitingnews · 2020-12-20T17:52:50+00:00

It’s soon 2021, and I want to completely stop dating. Hope I have strength to be okay with myself and never be going back to dating apps. 🙏🏻

Twolipz_78 · 2020-12-03T21:18:04+00:00

I am coming to the terms my POS ex is most likely a sociopath and I’m trying to get a grip on everything having been a lie and I feel so damn stupid and disappointed in myself. I am seriously hating every single thing about my life right now (this isn’t every day, just a real hard day today) and wish so bad it was all over already! By “it” I mostly mean breaking this bitch of a trauma bond I have with this lowlife scum bag piece of garbage and that I don’t wanna have to ever deal with this kind of thing or these kind of men (or Women) ever again.

BungalowBootieBitch · 2020-12-03T22:55:22+00:00

Fellow FDS users. My heart is broken for a good friend of mine. Oh how I wish she would give FDS a chance. The crazy thing is that she has already been following advice that I've only learned from FDS last year! Yet she makes so many mistakes because she wants a companion 😔 she's so fucking smart and powerful but hard headed. She's 26 and has been seeing this 40yr old dude. As someone who has learned to be wary of older men, red flags went off. Yet, she insists this is nothing like what happened to me (18yr old me with a 35yr old man). Technically true, but when she told me she has gone out of her way to please this man, including having sex whenever he wanted, my heart sank. It's only been 2 months. He recently upset her with a stupid comment. I didn't want to upset her further so I told her, "if you feel a conversation needs to happen, make it happen." Idk if this is an honest man. I wish her well. I really love her to pieces.

frustratedmarxistfem · 2020-12-03T20:10:01+00:00

How do you decide to meet someone from OLD? Are there any green flags or is it just too hard to know without actual interaction?

Example-Opposite · 2020-12-20T14:42:28+00:00

Could someone please explain to me the difference between a forever girlfriend and wanting a LTR and a life partner without wanting to get married or have kids?

misszazie · 2020-12-20T13:52:05+00:00

Anyone else listen to Megan thee stallion and feel like she's part of FDS?

honeybeeroll · 2020-12-20T12:11:15+00:00

I mentioned to my mom a couple months ago I don't want kids or marriage and she was shocked but not dismissive which I appreciated. Just told my dad and he didn't react so well lol. He said it was "depressing" and I was like lol not for me, I enjoy being alone. He said it was depressing for him and I told him he could keep that opinion to himself. We generally get along very well, I think he just doesn't understand how much I enjoy being alone. He (and my mom) also has no idea what modern dating is like and what fucking garbage it is. I wouldve told him if he wants me to be w/ someone so badly then he can find me a man, but I don't even want one. I don't want to do the work of vetting. I also do not want to have to care about someone else's feelings and well-being the way you have to care about a bf, husband, or children.

I'm also realizing I just don't get men. I don't know that I'm actually compatible with them. My happily married friends have said things to me like "all men are a bit sociopathic", "men can be lovely but they're really just animals," and that the memes like: "I'll always be your shoulder to cry on...and that shoulder is on my dick" are true even of good men. My friends either accept these things for what they are or find them funny, and their husbands are genuinely good guys. But for me, I'm like....this is the best I can expect from men? I don't find that "my shoulder is on my dick" shit to be funny or comforting, I would feel used and patronized if a bf tried to comfort me with sex. And why would i want to become vulnerable with someone who's slightly sociopathic at best?? The idea of being in a relationship, or even of letting a man touch me, is just gross to me now (I'm not anti relationship overall, just for me). I can't even imagine a man that I'd be willing to even go in a date with lol.

I'm glad I'm this way now; I ruined my life being a pick me and I feel a lot better since I stopped wanting a relationship. FDS is in large part to thank, actually as is quarantine. Once that started it was like well I literally cannot date and oh look I don't miss it at all. A year ago I couldn't have imagined the pendulum swinging to this compete opposite side.

FabledAngryVillager · 2020-12-20T09:03:33+00:00

Guys who use too many emoticons or call themselves "sapiosexuals" or mention they like "intellectual discussions" why are they so stupid

sxfjcg9900 · 2020-12-20T05:06:26+00:00

Ok I need some advice please :( I’ve started to date a guy who so far hasn’t shown any LVM traits, everything is going fine, but I think I found his ex’s Instagram and she’s so beautiful. I have a more alternative style (piercings, tattoos, dark clothing) while she’s conventionally pretty (blonde hair, trendy clothes, pictures at the beach). I can’t help but feel insecure because I can tell that’s the type of girls he usually goes for, and I know I’m pretty too and he’s very into me but I just can’t help but compare myself to her and think maybe she was a better fit for him than me. I don’t know. What should I do?

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-20T01:08:36+00:00

Now that I have made the decision to quit dating until at least mid-2021, Whack Memories of My Dating Past sometimes float back to my consciousness, just to mock me.

This one guy. Showed up 30 mins late 🚩. I accepted his excuse that he just moved to town a week ago. He made a giant gesture of "order anything, this one is on me to make it up to you," like if he showed up on time I was just going to order a miso soup and split the bill?

Then he bragged 🚩 about his faang job. Waxed poetic and misty eyed about turning 30 🚩. Dreams of family. We flashed-bonded over being raised without means, fine, and I asked him how he plans to raise his family.

His response? Lie 🚩 to the kids about wealth by raising them in a poor hut, while "we" dip out to the glorious mansion on the weekends. The manipulation parenting handbook?

I did eat my way through the omakase menu. In hindsight, I could have avoided this whole narcissistic fest by not ignoring the pre-date red flags. Like him making me choose a restaurant instead of planning the date himself. I chose well, but I could have just taken myself.

🤡🚩🤡🚩

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-19T22:16:13+00:00

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throwaway23004345 · 2020-12-04T03:10:39+00:00

I got banned from tinder after two days 😂😂 it’s trash anyway

CoconutYogurtCEO · 2020-12-19T21:16:36+00:00

Earlier this week I had a second guy in 3 months hit me with "I'm still working through some personal things and wanted to be transparent/up front" to essentially cut things off. It's hard not to internalize this or take this personally or comb through everything I said or did as if it was something "wrong". Mainly because it seems like both guys used the same script so I figured it was some vibe I was giving off, even though the first one made it clear it had nothing to do with me.

I tell myself these guys don't want to/can't put the effort in to reach my standards or progress toward a relationship or are insecure...since that is most likely the case based on everything I've read here on FDS - its just hard to deal with getting flipped on when things seem to be going well and discourages me from wanting to be myself around any new people/guys.

It's like I trigger something in them that makes them realize they're insecure or whatever and suddenly they want nothing to do with me. I'm taking myself out of the dating game for A WHILE... but any ladies have advice for how to deal with similar thought patterns and not defaulting to wondering what you did "wrong"??

night_glitter · 2020-12-19T17:44:16+00:00

My divorce was finalized a couple of months ago, and I’ve got some dudes sliding into my DMs already. One is a man I met on OLD right before I met my husband (so we never met), who I stayed FB friends with, as he posts funny memes from time to time, but he never DMed me until after my divorce. But he’s already started talking about sex, and we haven’t even met in person, ever. Pandemic is bad in my area, so I might keep chatting with him for an ego boost for a little while. But ugh, the talk about sex is so obvious and boring. I don’t care that my appearance makes you horny. I already know you’re into me if you’re chatting with me. He sent me a pic fresh from a shower (just neck up, thankfully) and was saying something like “feel free to send me any pics of you hehe” and ugh, really, I’m so bored.

It does feel nice to feel wanted, after a decade with my ex-h, and the pandemic loneliness is real here. Interestingly, another man in my life who is much younger than me (33, I’m 40) has also started chatting with me, but he hasn’t tried to talk about sex! This guy has been in my social circle for a couple of years, but I’d never had individual conversations with him until after my divorce, and he shared that he married very young and was also divorced but had been single for a few years. He’s very interesting, though, and funny. And not asking about sex or requesting pics! I wouldn’t even think he was interested in me as anything more than a friend except that men don’t talk to you that often usually, unless they are interested in you in some way.

Just comparing my online interactions with these two men has been interesting. Neither seems to be a HVM, but the first guy thinks he is! Second guy may be one someday, but he gives off the impression that he knows that he’s working on himself. From my pre-married days, though, I can remember that most guys are more like the first guy though, re: sex, pics pls, and otherwise boring small talk discourse. Yeah, I’m gonna be single for a while...

HoneyBouquet · 2020-12-19T11:53:35+00:00

The guy who asked me out for a date just this Thursday cancelled on the day and did not reschedule. He's 29. I left it. Obvious disrespect.

I have deactivated the Muslim marriage app I was using. Trying to find a Muslim HVM (I'm a Muslim woman and I'm 25) is like finding a needle in a haystack. The Muslim population of the UK is 5% and due to my profession I dont meet any irl.

Goal for 2021 is to finish my 80k word book.

All men do is waste my time. I'm smarter and more mature than most Muslim men I talk to. The happiest I am is when I am alone.

If anyone wants to PM me for some encouragement about my decision please do :(

ello-motto · 2020-12-04T10:25:06+00:00

Where do all the abusers go? Where do rapists go? Where do sex abusers go?

What kind of people run the porn industry? Who's ideals are we being forced to watch?

The more I think about it, the more the porn industry seems like a fraternity of sex abusers and sexually perverse, rapist, misogynistic, gaslighting tribe of men who have successfully gaslighted young girls and other impressionable young men to live according to their sexually abusive ideals.

And they're fucking getting away with it.

And we're all fucking watching it because these sex abusers have managed to convince society en masse. They've conflated the natural normal human need of having sex, with sexually abusive content, normalizing it within society.

No one is doing criminal background checks on the people running these industries. There's no FDA for porn content, despite how much it affects human psyche and health. And I'm pretty fucking sure internally their HR teams don't care about ethics or abuse either.

IT'S ALL SO FUCKED UP.

riverofdenali · 2020-12-04T11:14:28+00:00

Thought I had recovered from my old pick me ways but I caught myself slipping a few days ago on a date with a man I’ve been seeing for a few weeks. Ladies, I checked myself so quick, re-read the handbook, and got my head screwed on straight again. I’m staying firm in my boundaries, following the texting and calling rules, while letting myself be the prize. I’m not revealing too much information about myself to him anymore and I’m prioritizing my work by muting the conversation so I don’t see his notifications.

No commitment means no emotional attachment, I just have to keep telling myself that. I found myself getting emotionally attached to this guy but without commitment that’s just a recipe for heartbreak.

Ladies, is it possible to re-establish queen energy after you’ve slipped a bit? I know that giving an inch means they’ll take a mile but I’ve already re-established firm boundaries.

ceramicunicorn · 2020-12-04T14:01:41+00:00

Something I find myself doing is holding women to really high standards, and holding men to low standards. It’s like I am totally unsurprised when men fail at interpersonal relationships... like I expect it? So when, say, a kid in my family ends up in a bad home situation due to bad behavior from both parents, in my mind I find myself holding the mother accountable for her bad behavior (which it is still my belief you should). But then, unfairly, I feel not as focused on the man’s mistakes....not because I think they can do no wrong, but because I see them as these hopeless cases, unable to do better.

And I find myself holding the woman responsible for not getting rid of a dud husband and father. Almost like, “He can’t change, what are you thinking? He makes you unhappy, get rid of him.” Instead of thinking, “Hey man, do better.” Or for reacting poorly in front of her kids, or taking things out on the kids, when their father triggers her. It becomes less about his bad behavior and more about her equally poor reaction to it. Almost as if I’m saying, “Well, he’s an idiot. But you should know better.”

I don’t need to hear how off this is. I’m aware. I’m wondering if anyone else has ever struggled with this, with being disappointed when women aren’t high value and being unsurprised when men are not, and how you squared a feeling of male incompetence to not seeing them as helpless children....in order to hold them just as accountable for poor behavior/seeing them as capable of leveling up and insisting on it (especially when they are a parent), as you do women.

annereadesbooks · 2020-12-19T05:26:51+00:00

just found this refuge! love it!

caffeine_inmyveins · 2020-12-19T04:04:27+00:00

I've been in a relationship with a guy for a couple of months or so and I'm amazed how things are going. A while ago I would have never imagined this. A month plus of seeing each other, he asked me to be his girlfriend and he mentioned that he sees a future with me. He has just been so sweet all the time, he sends me home after all our dates, he is extremely supportive of my goals and career.

I'm not withholding sex on purpose, but I'm a very traditional lady and he has respected that and never overstepped his boundaries the few months we've been together.

I'm not sure of how it's going to play out in the future but I'm feeling pretty optimistic. I met him organically through mutual friends when I was so sick of dating apps and I was taking a break.

(my girlfriends gave him glowing reviews about his personality, but one said he's a bit old-fashioned, which is perfect for FDS me)

Elisa_LaViudaNegra · 2020-12-19T03:34:28+00:00

There's a guy from my past who's been hitting on me HARD lately after sliding into my DMs. I entertained it because I'm curving him pretty hard and he's fun to talk to in general. He knows I'm not dating anyone for the foreseeable future, so why not practice flirting on someone I'm not attached to.

Earlier today, he asked if we could video chat tonight. I said sure. He messaged me a couple of hours ago and ladies, talking to him was like pulling teeth. He went from super chatty and engaging to like... painful to talk to. Instead of trying to squeeze blood from a stone, from someone who obviously wasn't feeling it, I told him, "Hey, I hope everything's okay with you, you seem kind of distracted, so I'm going to do something else. Have a good night." He IMMEDIATELY hits me back with "I was eating pizza and didn't see my notifications, sorry I forgot to check my phone, the good thing about technology is we can talk whenever," blah blah fucking blah. BS excuses that I see clearly are excuses. Only a LVM would invite a woman to video chat and then "forget to check his phone" after doing the initial reaching out the evening it's supposed to happen, instead of saying, "Hey, let me finish my dinner and then we can do xyz. Give me until xx:xx and then I'm all yours." It would have been so easy to send me that. But, say it with me: if he wanted to, he would.

Bro, clean it up. This is why we never dated back in the day, because YOU couldn't get it together and come correct. Friend zone from here on out.

afrodeasyak · 2020-12-19T00:59:20+00:00

YouTube randomly recommended Love is Blind to me and I've seen the amazing couple that is Lauren and Cameron. This man truly embodies my understanding of a HVM - one that listens, pays attention, respects, cares, knows what unconditional love means, is a true partner who constantly tells his woman she will be taken care of in every sense of the word and it's just so heartwarming. They both deserve each other and just seem to balance each other in a very realistic, wholesome way. I'm a hopeless romantic who refuses to settle, so they really did give me hope. There is somebody out there for everybody.

Elisa_LaViudaNegra · 2020-12-18T23:23:39+00:00

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ruthsv · 2020-12-18T13:24:51+00:00

I'm on a break with my boyfriend currently. I have decided to break up and I'm so mad at him. He cheated on me, manipulated me, lied, made me feel cheap as fuck all throughout my college life and as a consequence, I feel TERRIBLE. Now whatever time is left of my college I have to heal from whatever he put me through. I missed my chance with some amazing guys at my college who were actually pretty nice and now I am so angry that he was SUCH a time waste.

Ugh I have forgotten how to flirt after 3.5 years of this toxic relationship and I don't know what to do anymore with all this anger and sadness.

Stuffenfluff · 2020-12-18T13:19:33+00:00

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virgoran · 2020-12-18T08:45:43+00:00

I am so proud of my FDS growth. I am identifying red flags so much quicker and actually sticking to my boundaries! Met a guy 2 weeks ago on OLD, seemed quite HV at first but he is far too flippant. He’s 33 and not ready to settle down. Pre FDS me would think I could change him, but I know he’s not going too.

2020-12-17T21:24:38+00:00

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NecessaryCook · 2020-12-17T19:43:06+00:00

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spitfyaah · 2020-12-17T12:14:02+00:00

Hey, I really need some support...I broke up with my ex 2 months ago, found out today that he is in a new relationship and am feeling so hurt. Not sure what I should do anymore.

2020-12-17T09:26:35+00:00

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whokilledhydra · 2020-12-17T06:42:10+00:00

One more subtle FDS change I noticed:

Past me, when an OLD stranger talks about their busy schedule/hectic week blablawowwow: express empathy and inevitably give attention

Current me: "Good luck with managing that hectic schedule!" (Sounds like a personal time management problem)

strainedcrow · 2020-12-03T22:09:57+00:00

Why do men say "was that okay?" after the sex is over and they already crossed the line in one way or another? Why is it never asking beforehand?

This isn't my current situation but something I realized now happened from 2 different men who did what they did without asking me. AND I SAID "yeah" IN RESPONSE TO BOTH OF THEM when I should have said no.

warinmymind94 · 2020-12-04T08:17:34+00:00

imagine being a man that had a pickme go above and beyond for you, and yet you dont even text her back! I was just thinking about how I did way too much for men as a pickme and how wild it is that someone treats them so well and they STILL treat women like shit.

I remember "dating" a man long before FDS that lived at home and had no car and was a broke, video game addict. the one time, it was late at night, and he actually texted me saying he was hungry for McDonalds. im so embarrassed to admit but I suggested that I get up, drive over, and get him food and drop it back off for him. he said to stop at his house and he'd give me his card, all right, I figured he'd let me order whatever I wanted. Wrong! I then went and picked up his food and he told me to bring it to the front door. so I arrive at his house, only to find the front door is locked. I knock and wait and no answer. knowing its late at night and he lives with his parents I know their doorbell was obnoxiously loud so I decide to call the guy I was seeing. no answer. I text. no reply. so I walk around to the only other entrance, which is a gate in the back. its locked. I try to see if theres any way to open it, but it was locked and you could only open it from the inside. rather than leaving and keeping the food for myself I called him over FIVE times until he finally answered, and he had the audacity to yell at me for not being able to wiggle and jiggle and pick open the lock on the gate from the outside. the best was when he told me I interrupted his video game he fell asleep on. he did not invite me inside and actually said I took to long and his food was now cold. I hate myself for going out and doing all that only for insults! shortly after I dumped him

but really now I see that the real fools are these men that actually have a pickme doing so much she practically wipes their butts and they still treat her like trash. dont be a pickme.

im seriously so turned off from ever doing men favors and from helping them. I dont mind matching energy but im not going out of my way.

also with the holidays coming up here's a reminder, you do not need to give him a gift. period.

Jinxhourglass · 2020-12-03T21:16:47+00:00

Oh my god that stupid trend of women buying men random guys lunches on the internet with cashapp and venmo is back

BungalowBootieBitch · 2020-12-17T05:32:59+00:00

Fellow FDS comrades. I'm back again with a tragic update on the friend. We had an hour long conversation about the man she's been "casually" seeing for a 2-3 months now. The same man she assumed would be mature because he's 15yrs older than her. The man who just, gosh darn it, hasn't decided if he wants to be serious with her. She's already invested her feelings. It's so obvious. Long story short, she was trying to figure out how to tell him she'd prefer he not sleep with other women while she's gone for Christmas break. I try my best to gently bring up FDS advice such as STOP talking to him if this situationship allows him space to see other women because y'all are "casual." Then her idiot friend really said it takes them 6 months to decide if they want to date someone seriously. I think she's worried maybe that's what this guy is doing. All I could say was that's unacceptable and she needs to dip if that's the case. I can't help her though. She's in too deep and any comment that relates to men being shitty upsets her because it's not, "helpful advice."

babysoymilk · 2020-12-17T02:00:49+00:00

I just need to vent. I'm super frustrated because I finally started slowly getting into a routine for working on my Bachelor's thesis in my university library, and today I found out they close for four weeks starting on Saturday. They are only open for picking up books. The public library has shut down the working spaces as well. This is due to a new lockdown in my country.

I am fine with not being able to eat out or to shop clothes, but the library closing really gets to me. Due to my mental illnesses, I have a very hard time working in my own apartment (plus it's messy). I'm at a point where I can't afford to take days off writing because I have procrastinated so much, so I don't know how to handle this. I've considered taking a big cardboard box and just throwing everything sitting on and around my desk in there and worry about it later.

FabledAngryVillager · 2020-12-17T01:51:25+00:00

Any regular FDS commenters here - if you play Animal Crossing, I'd like to give you 4 million bells. We don't have to interact ever again, but if it helps you on your island, I'm happy.

Edit: just reply to me here or DM me

Edit edit: also I will pay 1 million bells for termite mounds 😗

rkosch987 · 2020-12-16T22:14:18+00:00

Hi, I'm new here. I've been single for 3 months. Most recent breakup was 3 years. Prior to that, I was with one of 2 other men for 11 years. I have never been single during my adult life, and I'm going THRU it. I want to not date, find myself, comfort myself, and most importantly- not date.

at this point I should say this post got long and rambling, im also on mobile

But I'm STRUGGLING with these innate desires for a boyfriend. I have a huge crush on this guy I know, we have both agreed we do not want to date. He's totally low effort, and our friendship is casual.

BUT I keep daydreaming, fantasizing, wishing, etc. and it's taking up so much of my time. I try to stay busy, and I'm trying to be patient with myself. But I am SO TIRED of feeling like "a man" is what I want.

I know I'm pre-programmed from years of experience, plus a thousand years of inherited patriarchy.

I'm rambling...

What I'm hoping for here, is some encouraging advice from you more experienced FDS members on how to move on from men and be with yourself. I'm not ready to date or find a partner - I want to be MY partner. But it's hard sometimes and I feel discouraged.

I've read the resources from the sidebar - I'm just going thru it today and would like come internet human interaction

Thank you 🧡

Summerisle7 · 2020-12-16T22:04:47+00:00

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jfarmwell123 · 2020-12-16T20:34:15+00:00

So I started talking to this guy. Seemed to be good starting off until we made plans to have dinner. The day we are supposed to have dinner - mind you I'm in the midst of all my womanly preparations - he calls and asks if it would okay for me to just come over instead of going out bc of "Covid". Covid and quarantining has been the perfect excuse for fuckboys to get women over to their place right away. anyways, i went - of course he tried, I declined. During the time I was there, he basically made it seem like he doesn't really think Covid is real or that big of an issue. I went home, he asked to see me again by inviting himself over to my house- I let him know if he wants to see me again we will have to go out (made up a reasonable excuse) to his response was "ok" lol. Glad to have weeded him out but damn i am proud of myself for sticking to my guns for the most part.

Another guy asked to take me out, I said yea, he then goes on to say "well I'm not sure what we can really do because of Covid..." 😂😂😂

FabledAngryVillager · 2020-12-16T09:31:30+00:00

I'm probably going WGTOW, but I was talking to this dude out of boredom. He seemed nice and figured I'd make a friend, even if he made a big deal about being woke with regards to his MtF sister, but thinks playing Cyber Punk is fine. Guess not woke enough.

He revealed he has understanding friends (female implied) who don't mind LOTS of non-sexual touch beyond hugging. Like seriously fuck off with that shit. I don't like men or people touching me, period. I tolerate hugs. But that shit is weird and why are otakus gross.

Wished him the best of luck.

basicbagels · 2020-12-16T09:16:47+00:00

Some dumbass asked me to watch anime with him as a date.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Fucking embarrassing. Even if I liked that shit.

I_have_a_secret123 · 2020-12-16T06:02:16+00:00

Just started talking to this guy who claims he's bad at texting and prefers calling. We've had several calls so far, but it does bug me that he doesn't want to text more. I've ended up just texting and he takes a long time to respond and barely responds. Should I just drop him? I feel like a HVM would put in the effort regardless of whether he liked texting or not...

throw_away_oranges · 2020-12-16T02:19:42+00:00

Have any of you dealt with women in management who conform to male expectations? For example a woman boss who joins in on sexist humor with other men and makes sexual comments toward female coworkers and those in positions beneath them.

I had to quit this job due to my boss jokingly telling coworkers I “fell off the pole” and hurt myself when I showed up to work in a back brace due to a gym injury. She was relentless in teasing me 😔.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-12-15T23:36:41+00:00

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thr0w_awayyy526 · 2020-12-15T15:18:07+00:00

I have to use my throwaway account to post on here now. I was in the talking stages of this guy from reddit who approached me first. All was fine and dandy, and then he decided to go through my reddit posts on my original account and said he didn't like that I posted on FDS and decided to cut things off.

Good riddance. If me knowing my self worth and demanding respect is intimidating or "too much" for you, then goodbye. I don't need a man like you in my life.

Moral of the story: men like to say they love strong, independent women until they're with one. Then it's like omg you're intimidating me, you're so rude, I can't believe you have the audacity to demand respect.

RacePinkBlack · 2020-12-14T16:09:40+00:00

https://imgur.com/a/hC0e7yg

Oh my goodness. Backstory: woman is dating a man who “isn’t sure what he wants” and wants to know if she should stick around. Found in somethingsomethingover30

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-12-14T04:09:34+00:00

What cities or areas of the USA and the world have you ladies enjoyed living in the most and found to be most friendly to single women? I'm thinking in terms of safety, quality housing that is affordable for a middle-class person, access to cultural activities and nature, and overall quality of life? Access to safe and reliable public transit and/or highly walkable is also something I'd be interested in.

Does anyone have a place they'd recommend visiting or moving to?

I moved "back home" almost two years ago after ending my engagement. It's been nice to be around my family, but my work is remote for now and I don't know if we are ever going back to the office, so I am open to the possibility of relocating somewhere where I can have a better quality of life and enjoy being single.

ollie5009 · 2020-12-14T04:04:32+00:00

A guy I went to high school with back in 2010 found his way into my Instagram dm. It was the usual casual pandemic conversation, and then he sent me this:

"Yea the pandemic is definitely making it tough. It’s good to take the time to find something you really would like to do. I guess I’m going to need you to make me some drinks so I can see how good of a bartender you were lol "

I want to put him in his place, may I please have some help ladies?

FabledAngryVillager · 2020-12-14T00:45:27+00:00

Not a good sign when a dude is called a "fragile male Redditor" on Reddit lol

gabymay33 · 2020-12-13T23:49:10+00:00

Just noticed a guy I was seeing but broke off due to red flags is actually not as separated from his wife (according to him they’d started divorce proceedings and split for over a year) as I’d thought. Caught her stalking my stories from her dogs insta. They’ve got pics together just a month before me and him met with her calling him handsome. WTF!? why am I being pulled into your bullshit? Thanks FDS I would have not even seen the flags to begin with without you guys and would be knee deep in drama right now!

NecessaryCook · 2020-12-13T17:25:41+00:00

Keeping this up until December 20.

yaythrowawayyyyyy · 2020-12-13T16:39:13+00:00

Beyond frustrated by a pickme friend of mine who is a side piece to a married man.. She keeps saying she'll leave soon once she's found a better guy. In which my response is you shouldn't need another guy to leave!!!!

She's always been super headstrong and doesn't listen to other people's advice. On top of that, her being a tad reckless this pandemic has really irked me. I've been keeping my distance a bit and trying not to feel guilty but God it is painful to watch this situation. Talking or being around her really brings out the pickme part of me

2020-12-13T15:03:27+00:00

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2020-12-13T09:21:57+00:00

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sassenachpants · 2020-12-13T07:33:23+00:00

Level up report:

Macroeconomics final: A+

40th birthday: best birthday in 20 years

Treat yo’self: Bought myself a hot ass motorcycle to ride away from the haters on.

Scrotation report: ex blocked.

Face: moisturized.

Partypuppers · 2020-12-03T21:20:25+00:00

I've come to the realisation that many men will future fake in order to impress a woman they like, without even having the self awareness to realise that they're future faking and that they don't want what they say they want in the future with you.

Deep down, they do know. They know they don't want kids, but you do. They know they don't want to get married, but you do. BUT in the moment when they're infatuated with you and they're trying to win you over, lust convinces them that they can see a future with you, however illusionary it is. And they'll tell you they're on the same page as you because they want you.

Qualifying themselves to women is a big part of male mating strategy. Men listen to what you say and your complaints and then present themselves to you as the perfect man.

I don't trust men who tell me what they think I want to hear.

chasingastarl1ght · 2020-12-03T19:29:55+00:00

Men are terrifying and I have no idea how I'm supposed to trust even the sweetest ones when they are so many psychos murdering their "loved ones" for clicks, out of rage or pure neglect.

level_up_always · 2020-12-04T00:33:13+00:00

I'm a gay woman and a long time lurker. Things are way less problematic when dating women, but still FDS has improved the health of my dating life. I no longer put up with being strung around with "let's see where this goes"-style statements. I want a close to 50-50 relationship, and I'm not going to be the one pulling all the emotional weight in the relationship. It sure helps to have all the advice spelled out nicely in the handbook. Very helpful!

werker115 · 2020-12-04T00:28:36+00:00

I was feeling really good today but now I feel a little down. I go to a lifting gym and there’s a sports doctor who has an office next door. He is always friendly and we just wave hello and have small chat from time to time. He has commented on how fit I am a couple times, but I ignore it. Today he chatted me up and was subtly (not so much tho) trying to gauge my age and whether I have a boyfriend. He faked concern that I am isolated during these corona times. He is married with 2 kids. Idk why it bothered me, I am accustomed to men hitting on me...but I guess because I don’t want to be hit on by a friendly familiar face, esp a married one. Nothing about me says mistress. Also, he thinks I am naive. F him.

Finallykickedhimout · 2020-12-04T07:04:18+00:00

I felt stuck in my emotionally abusive relationship and always admired all these stories of women who left their LTR. I kept reading all the posts within the KickHimOut2020 flair and telling myself that maybe i’ll join the 2021 flair. But I did it 6 days ago.. I feel free. Waking up felt weird the past six mornings and I could not figure out why. I finally realized that, for five years, I have been in constant anxiety, and that these mornings are how every morning should have been for me. Thank you FDS ❤️

Gambit12345 · 2020-12-03T21:52:16+00:00

My newly single life has been going well 😁 it’s already been almost a month since my ex moved out. I have no qualms about being no contact. Fds was able to shatter the illusions I had about him. Unlike other break ups I’m not left anxious now or secretly wanting him to come back. The only downside is the only available gym nearby is one he goes to, I try to go super early to avoid crossing paths but it happened last weekend. He stayed out of my way and vice versa. I’d prefer not to ever see him, so I’m hoping the earlier I go the less chance there is of that happening. I’ve redecorated my whole apartment, and have been indulging in my hobbies. No part of me is even interested in dating right now. I’m moreso internalizing fds principles and undoing the damage my ex caused so when I do date I’ll be in an ideal headspace

midnightoflight101 · 2020-12-03T23:57:45+00:00

For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who knows how to properly communicate, and it’s amazing.

It’s crazy, today I brought up an issue due to anxiety and instead of quickly putting a bandaid over it, we discussed the problem to get to a root cause. Usually, when I talk to a guy and I’m having any type of anxiety, it’s a quick cute message to shut me up. Not with him. He genuinely wants to know why I’m feeling the way I am in a rational sense that really helps me. We were both civil and mature. We came to a conclusion that benefited us both. Not once was any blame placed on either of us. Ultimately, I came out feeling better.

I can’t believe in my whole 21 years, I’ve never experienced this.

birdsandblossoms · 2020-12-13T03:28:13+00:00

Does anyone have the link for the post where a nurse shared the dangers of anal sex?

It was really informative and comprehensive. I've searched and searched but just cannot find it.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-12-12T23:20:35+00:00

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whokilledhydra · 2020-12-12T22:52:28+00:00

Just a random shower thought about a past man I went on two dates with.

He was incredibly self important about his incredibly important corporate leadership job, and was venting that he preferred going to the office because he missed telling people what to do (cue ha-ha). I "bantered" back that he could perhaps use his free time to volunteer at the SPCA and give motivational speeches to the captive audience of stray puppies? He looked so shook and in disbelief, and the tables were turned when he ended the banter with a fake uncomfortable laugh, while I wore my straight face and threw in a little giggle for him.

Then he tried to "brag" that he had enough reserve savings he could not work for X years, should he choose to, which only showed he was actually not as well of as he should be for his age. I said, "Oh?"

And just lil ol' me here. Doing well for myself, dressing up to dates, and never talking about my work life or money brags to strangers.

I seethe at the memory, because he also had the audacity to push me further physically than I was comfortable with, and I had to fend him off. I never saw him after that, but it stung me!

Example-Opposite · 2020-12-12T20:07:16+00:00

Just bought my first condo with my own money. Thanks so much to my wonderful parents who supported me through my entire life journey! 😘

Miss__Moonlight · 2020-12-12T19:17:48+00:00

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misszazie · 2020-12-12T17:23:40+00:00

Where does the handbook go over who picks the location for the date?

While I expect men to take initiative, plan things, etc, I do have a particular preference for first dates during the pandemic.

prettyexcitingnews · 2020-12-11T16:15:51+00:00

I’m really sick of this subtle LVMs who tend to act normal/proper at first but reveal their true intention later on. For example, let’s say we meet on OLD, they initially act normal, know when to ask out, pay for the date, say nothing sexual... so I decide to meet up. And at the end of the first date, they invited me to their place also saying something subtle; oh I wanna talk to you more, spend more time with you bla bla. This already happened to me a few times. I have no issue to reject and stand up for myself, but I can’t help but feel like it was all waste of time and they think I owe them something in exchange of the dinner ha. Why don’t they just say upfront they aren’t looking for anything serious? They act like they want something serious, but at the end nada. I’m so tired of this shit. 😞

Imblewyn · 2020-12-11T08:05:56+00:00

Any good date ideas to do with corona in mind? Some HVM stuff?

honeybeeroll · 2020-12-11T06:07:55+00:00

Ladies I got my 2nd piece of targeted hate mail and oh man I'm so annoyed I reported and blocked before I could take a screenshot for the FDSsuperfans sub. Because it was INCREDIBLE. some fucking guy decided to come into my inbox and DEFEND hentai 😂. apparently I posted a comment at some point saying it's disgusting. I don't remember posting that comment, but I don't doubt I did post it, and I know I must've posted it to FDS, so this was a scrote clearing coming here looking for women to harass. but yes that is 100% something I would say. because it is disgusting lol.

This basement dweller insulted me for not liking it, saying I was vanilla or some shit, told me to shut up, and, I quote"I know a woman who likes hentai" that is VERBATIM 🤣. Bruh. b r u H I AM C R Y I N G 🤣 like deadass I'm about to go full on Chrysippus here lmfao

This guy is such a fucking loser that not only does he jack off to CARTOONS, he is ACTIVELY DEFENDING the existence of cartoon porn.

Ladies i implore you, can you even imagine having so little of a life 😂. Like, this guy thought this would bother me? That I'd be upset that someone who is into hentai said "mean" things to me? Like bruh you're into hentai, I am literally so far above this guy just simply by existing and never having seen that crap that nothing he says could ever reach me lol. Wow. I'm not even mad, that's amazing lol

honeybeeroll · 2020-12-10T23:47:48+00:00

Did anyone else get a message in recent weeks with a link to some game called "life on easy mode," and a description of how when you're a woman life is supposedly so much easier 😂. I was tempted to slam dunk this mf but I was like nah, don't feed the trolls, and laughed and deleted it before I could take a screenshot, unfortunately

The fact that someone took the time to MAKE THAT GAME and PUT THAT MESSAGE TOGETHER LOL, and then what, did he go through all the members of this sub and message them one by one??? My guy. Who has the fucking time just to try to make someone else mad 😂. Those poorly written phishing emails we've all seen are a better use of time than this bs lol.

blahblagblar · 2020-12-10T23:04:48+00:00

How have we gotten to this point? I was browsing Reddit and a woman was asking why men follow and like half naked Instagram models while they're in a relationship.. I was absolutely STUNNED to see how we (women) gaslight eachother (saying they've been through the same thing and yeah it hurt by he still treats you well so you're probably just insecure) ... How men gaslight us (because they want their cake and to eat it too and they're defending their blatant disrespect and porn sickness W shitty excuses like mens sexuality is jus different and are absolutely TERRIFIED of women realising how poorly their being treated and stop accepting it) .. And finally, how we gaslight OURSELVES (denying our intuition, rationalising poor behaviour, "am I crazy?) I find it genuinely twisted how society has managed to collectively gaslight us into ignoring our own feelings, even though EVERY woman who experienced it all said they were deeply hurt by it... Fucked up. Just needed to rant!

QQueenie · 2020-12-10T18:02:55+00:00

I ended things with a guy I've been seeing for the last two-ish months. He initially seemed like a catch (and is a catch on paper), but the more I got to know him, I learned that: 1) he didn't feel comfortable in a relationship unless he could find some way to be superior to his partner; 2) his sense of humor was lying and then laughing when you believed him (he called this "sarcasm"); 3) he "tested" me by offering me choices in which one choice was "wrong" (he offered me butter or oil with bread, and when I chose butter he criticized the choice and gave me oil anyway); 4) he lied about his dietary restrictions to make himself seem more flexible than he was.

I probably should have just walked out the door after the butter incident, but I'm proud of myself for ending things before we got physical!

intergalacticanon44 · 2020-12-10T16:15:03+00:00

Can someone give me assistance on a work matter? For context, I’m a uni student and started a temporary position at a store. Well, I work with mostly women who are all really lovely to me but the men there make me uncomfortable. I feel like they’re too friendly and I have been paranoid ever since I was harassed a few months ago. I don’t wish to continue working there and have another job lined up with my old manager.

A couple days ago I left without saying anything and they rang me to ask what was up. I told them I was ill and didn’t mention that I didn’t intend on coming back ever. What should I do? Would an email suffice? I think my notice period is 1-2 weeks, my contract officially ends on the 24th. I cannot bear to stay one more day because I usually close with those men on my shift. What should I do?

Final_Reflection3268 · 2020-12-10T14:58:02+00:00

HELP!

I don’t know where else to turn. I’m feeling anxious, depressed, and confused 🤷🏾‍♀️. I (24) have been dating a guy (38) since August, and I am beginning to have very deep feeling for him. He is a very accomplished journalist with a great deal of intellect and insight. He has a wonderful sense of humor and I haven’t had to open my wallet to pay for any of our dates or activities. I very much felt that I had the upper hand in this situation, as I was practicing emotional detachment early on. However, at the beginning of November I found out that I was pregnant and that put me in a very needy and emotionally attached position. I chose not to continue the pregnancy, and as a result of going through that emotionally heavy situation, my feelings towards him have grown stronger.

It really frustrates me that when we are together (about 2x per week) he makes the effort to show up for me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually; but on the days that we are not together he rarely texts and never calls. He may text me every other day but often times he can go 2-3 days without contacting me. I don’t understand how he can be so intimate with me one moment and so distant the next. We clearly are behaving like a couple, but he has neglected to give us a title or even establish the status of our relationship. We spent his birthday together and we had a very intimate Thanksgiving weekend. If he is not interested in anything serious with me, why would he make those efforts?

Anyways, the lack of clarity in our relationship is driving me nuts, and I feel so anxious to initiate the “what are we” conversation. I will see him tomorrow, and I want to just bite the bullet and have the conversation with him. How do I bring this up? What should I do here? I am really growing attached and falling in love.

puddlesteps · 2020-12-10T14:19:43+00:00

I just had a realization. I used to be known as the perfect girlfriend amongst my boyfriends friends. In the future I don’t ever want this title again.

It’s a compliment but now I look back, why did I want compliments from man children , who valued basically being treated like sons.

They valued being taken care of, laundry, cooking, driving from here to there, planning holidays, wearing what they wanted when going to group outings.

I was the perfect girlfriend but the people making that judgement weren’t interested in respecting me , they were interested in how much value I put out to the relationship, and didn’t care if I was happy.

It was almost like because I got nothing back it made me even more prized in their eyes. Because I was so self sacrificial.

It makes me shake my head in dismay now to think back about it. I never want to be a perfect girlfriend to people who have internalized misogyny ever again.

thealamo369 · 2020-12-10T08:00:32+00:00

Recently I’ve had a lot going on career wise and I’ve been super busy preparing for what I’m going to do after I graduate. I have been working so hard the past few days and absolutely loving it. Today I thought to myself “damn I’m glad I’m single” because there’s no way I’d have this much time and freedom to focus on my career and get so much enjoyment out of it. I used to constantly want to be in a relationship so feeling this way today was super dope and I’m excited to see what the future holds

_mooness · 2020-12-10T06:05:11+00:00

Why do people blame victims for staying in abusive relationships? I’ve had men and women blame me for staying in a toxic relationship, which I get because was my responsibility to leave, but don’t people understand how hard it is to break free of that cycle and cut the bond?

I’ve been out for a while and maintain no contact with my ex-abuser, but I still wonder why people lack empathy for the victims trauma bonded to their abusers?

It seems unnecessarily cruel.

More often than not it’s men who blame victims for staying, and it’s men who typically do the abusing...so, shouldn’t they understand the predicament?

2020-12-09T23:53:56+00:00

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misszazie · 2020-12-09T23:02:19+00:00

I just unmatched with a guy who said he works as a server and is getting his real estate license. Mid 30's.

I think I did the right thing. He might be working on improving himself, and if he does, I'm sure he'll find someone then.

Can someone explain why I feel bad for not wanting to date someone who works that job?

chatrebelle · 2020-12-09T19:51:27+00:00

I just receive my first hate mail for being on FDS ! Men really know how to talk to women 😍 (I didn't know where else to share this)

posprov · 2020-12-09T19:30:38+00:00

My mum is doing my head in asking whether I’m going to buy a Christmas gift for a guy I’ve been on three dates with! I refuse to even discuss it.

But she feels entitled to suggest “something small, like aftershave. Especially as he’s paid for everything on the dates.” We couldn’t have more opposite views.

Absolutely, positively, no. A card will suffice.

canttouchthisnananan · 2020-12-09T15:23:59+00:00

Hi ladies! Are any of you also spending New Year’s Eve alone? I am. And I’m feeling a bit sad about it. I have asked some family members and friends what they are doing and they all told me their plans without inviting me, so I didn’t want to intrude by inviting myself. The friend I’ve celebrated it with last year is very focused on her new friend group and has been avoiding my question about New Years, so I decided to let that idea go as wel and decided to celebrate alone and make it a good evening!

I have never done this before and due to covid and new fireworks laws (not allowed to use fireworks this year in my country) there is really nothing to do but stay at home. So I’m trying to plan a nice evening for myself. Could you ladies help me with any ideas? It would be more than welcome. I just really don’t want to Bridget Jones it that evening, I want to feel powerful and practice lots of self love.

My ideas so far: - Buy some nice gifts for myself to open at 12. - Choose a good power song to play at 12 (any suggestions?) - Write letters (one with what I want to let go of and one I want for myself next year) and practice a burning and yoga ritual around them. - Have some sparkling wine and a nice charcuterie board for the evening (my fave). - Go for a walk outside (if there aren’t any riots) and breathe in all the possibilities for the new year.

Let me know what you think! I’m so curious if anyone else is going through this as well. Please let me know. I feel like a the weird lonely sad woman that is aaaaaalll byyyyy herrrr seeeheeeeelf....

ello-motto · 2020-12-09T13:08:20+00:00

Just wanted to leave this thought here:

The effects of porn and LV attributes in men and women make up 99.9% of social problems in modern day society, yet have 0% coverage on mainstream media, but yet are glamorized if not normalized by it instead. 🙄

Cassy_85 · 2020-12-09T10:49:24+00:00

Hey fds, I’m a long time lurker and lover of this sub. Just needed to vent I guess. I found out my husband follows some Instagram models (standard stuff - semi/fully nude and provocative shots). This was a shock in itself as I didn’t think he was the type, he had actually deleted Instagram a while ago. I went on his phone for the first time in about 8 years and found a long stream of dms between him and this particular vegan, pystrance festival girl (both are strong interests of his). It was pretty gross, lots of innuendo, flirting, emoticons - talking about ‘eating ass’ (context was veganism but whatever). I went back on her account and saw that they had attended a festival together 2 years ago. Now in truth, my husband hadn’t hidden this information and I knew of her name, they were camping together in a group. I just feel so sick and stupid. I find it so disrespectful. Is this worth even talking about or should I just leave?

UPDATE: I went back into my husband's phone this morning and took screenshots of all the messages. It was worse than I initially thought, and I do suspect that he has slept with her. I told him we needed to talk, sent him the screenshots of the messages and just asked if he had fucked her at the festival, since, or was just fawning over her Instagram. The way I framed it was that it's over regardless - I just need to know if he fucked her for my own health and safety. He vehemently denied that anything happened. He did volunteer that she was so high she told him he could do anything to her but he said he was married (I'm supposed to feel grateful for this bit of information???). We all know words are cheap. I just sat back and asked what he was going to do. He said he would get rid of his phone. I said, if he was interested in making this work, I would also need a negative STI test, evidence of his bank records showing he hasn't subscribed to any Only fans sites or anything similar, and that he would sell his festival ticket for next year. He agreed to all of this immediately. I've told him to get back to me when he has done those. He has already sent me the bank statements (I'm not going to waste my time looking through them, I just wanted to see if he would do it). So that's where I'm at now. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts or if anyone has had similar experiences. And also a massive thank you to this community. Without FDS I probably would have just drunkenly challenged him and been gaslit and done mental gymnastics to make myself feel better. I'm obviously heartbroken but I feel good about the way I've handled things. It just goes to show you, even if you've been with someone for 10 years - never stop vetting and if you have a suspicion it's probably warranted.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-12-09T08:14:46+00:00

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flyingapenguin · 2020-12-09T07:03:02+00:00

One month since I last spoke to my ex, 5 weeks since he dumped me at a park. 8 month relationship, covid/pandemic started a month later. I miss him and it tears me apart that he doesn't love me back, but I'm slowly starting to see the red flags I ignored. It's taking everything in me to not contact him but oh dear, it's so hard 😭 FDS is honestly one of my #1 support

sahu_ · 2020-12-09T04:56:42+00:00

Have loved being on this sub for 3 whole months now, and has changed my life for the better. I've stopped dating mindlessly, texting first and have picked up a new sport - learning to play football. I've become more invested than ever in my career and I've been killing it at work, and studying to level up my degree. My bookshelves have filled up with women empowerment reads and I can't watch cringey pick me TV anymore or listen to pick me lyrics in music.

Most importantly my ability to spot BS and misogyny has been raised to astronomical levels and my confidence and self-esteem has improved by leaps and bounds. Thanks FDS, and thank you mods for giving us this space on the internet.

oh-em-jizzles · 2020-12-09T04:35:01+00:00

I’m good. This last month, I have leveled up in all aspects of my life. Last week, I officially completed my first semester of my Freshman year in university. However, today, when I was walking my dog, a man stalked me during my walk. Have any of you ladies also experienced this too? (This has happened to me twice within the last two weeks.)

girludontbringhome · 2020-12-08T18:37:42+00:00

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endorphins_ · 2020-12-08T15:42:19+00:00

I’m watching the crown season 4 and I will dedicate the rest of my life to hating Prince Charles. So spoiled and insecure he couldn’t handle Diana being way more popular than him.

ello-motto · 2020-12-08T10:36:44+00:00

You know what's crazy? The difference in approach to this.

CORONA VIRUS PANDEMIC. Economies are tanking! People's medical health is at risk! Quick! Everyone invest millions into a vaccine so we can get back to an economically healthy life!

- Men wake. 🤯

Vaccine found within one year.

LOW VALUE MALE PANDEMIC. Humanity and morality are tanking! Marriages are ruined! People's mental health is at risk! Women are traumatized by their experiences of LVM. Every single female in society is affected for a lifetime and generations. Women are constantly sexually degraded and abused by men and their porn-influenced perversions in the bedroom. Men are letting women down by being unfaithful and only using them for sex, when women are looking to build a family and a legacy. Porn is literally tearing apart the fabric of society and how men and women relate to each other.

- Men sleep. 😴

Solution has not been found, in thousands of years.

warinmymind94 · 2020-12-08T05:47:36+00:00

alright so limiting my time on social media which has been helping me tremendously. when I do go on it, its appalling to see cuffing season is in full swing. so many of my old classmates are sharing pictures of them with their fugly LVMs, and yeah I said Fugly. Theres a common thread my old classmates are beautiful, nice hair, in shape, clear skin, and bright smiles. All these ladies have good careers (doctors, nurses, news anchors, CPA's) and they are dating uneducated, fat / dad bod, balding men, with yellow teeth, and scraggly facial hair. These guys all have no sense of style and look like they walked out of thrift shops in clothes that are out of style and dont fit them. And these women all look so stylish and classy, with put together high end looking outfits. I almost wish I could post photos, its bad!

I used to feel jealous and sad about not having someone, but upon seeing all these different couples today on social media I feel relieved. im actually embarrassed for these ladies- they look as foolish and put pf place with these LVMS like someone wearing designer high heels on a greasy planet fitness treadmill! complete mismatches! clicking on the guys profiles proves more disappointing, the ladies are always tagging them in date ideas and he tags her in memes that make fun of her and degrade her interests/intelligence. I am so embarrassed for them and grateful that it looks better to stand alone with your dignity then to look like a complete clown or like high heels on the gym's treadmill.

FDSordie · 2020-12-08T01:17:46+00:00

Hi ladies! I was using my original reddit username here for about a year, but finally just switched to a strictly a FDS account to keep things separate.

I wanted to get your thoughts on when it is appropriate to meet a man's friends. I have gone on two very nice, thoughtful dates with this man. He wants to take me to a friend's holiday party this weekend as his date (so it would be our third outing). I told him I would check my weekend schedule and get back to him. Is this too soon? What are your thoughts?

Elisa_LaViudaNegra · 2020-12-08T01:01:50+00:00

Cut it off with a dude today who was jobless, lives at home, doesn't drive, and doesn't vote. Honestly, WHY do some people put themselves out there to date if they have nothing to offer but the audacity?

CapeCod_KwassaKwassa · 2020-12-07T23:56:34+00:00

How does the flair work in the FDS sub? I can’t find anything on it in the sidebar... ?

honeybeeroll · 2020-12-07T19:37:06+00:00

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ga_shina · 2020-12-07T18:41:12+00:00

Yesterday I sold Why men love bitches to a lady. I almost wanted to tell her to check out this subreddit but I don’t want to be overstepping 😭

harrohamtaro · 2020-12-07T18:36:22+00:00

I have a hardcore PickMe friend who has been texting me after midnight to complain about her NV cheating ex.

She has rejected my and our friends’ common sense advice to go NC, and engages with that NVM again and again, but is somehow still surprised when she’s metaphorically bitch slapped by his shitty actions.

I’m just very tired of her drama at this point (I usually get insomnia after listening to her latest self-induced mess), though I really want to be a supportive friend.

How should I put a stop to this and keep my sanity?

werker115 · 2020-12-07T15:26:08+00:00

Went on a date last night and I was able to really listen and see pink flags-

I told him I am vegetarian and he mentioned he dated 2 vegans in the past and was therefore familiar with restaurants...no need to mention your past dates.
I told him about my fitness community and he commented “I would only join that for dating purposes.” I asked him a follow up question and he clarified he would want to be around like minded people. Who tells a date they would join a gym to get more dates.
He didn’t walk me out/home...but I would not have allowed him to anyway.
He never got my name (I use 3 abbreviated letters on my profile)!

He texted me that he had a fun night..

glitterandspark · 2020-12-07T12:49:03+00:00

I’m struggling watching people couple up and get into serious relationships around me, especially the social media aspect. I know most are settling for whoever’s around. I know most of the guys are lvm who make poor partners. But gosh it makes me feel extra lonely. I intimidate men- I’m high maintenance, educated, decent job, lot of life experience. I don’t take bs and I would never entertain a man who can’t match me intellectually. Well, so far in life that’s left me with no one and I’m approaching thirty. No relationships, no dates, never been pursued. I’ve been told my rbf is strong and so is my no-bs vibe. That I keep to myself and seem unapproachable. Friends say they were surprised to learn how nice, silly, and giggly I am after getting to know me but the seriousness is always there and it, combined with my intelligence, still makes me intimidating.

I’ll never compromise, and I know I’m making the right choices for myself, but that doesn’t make the loneliness sting less. Anyone else in the same situation or been there?

disposable20201129 · 2020-12-07T11:32:47+00:00

What is the FemaleDSVerified sub / what is it for? (e.g. mod discussions?)

BleuRaspbery · 2020-12-07T11:01:16+00:00

Is anyone else turned off by the lack of masculinity today? LVM don’t seem ashamed for not accomplishing things, and they enjoy being irresponsible and selfish. It’s the biggest turn off. I feel like I have more masculine traits than a lot of weak LVM these days just by keeping my word, being confident, and working hard. It’s beginning to make me feel unfeminine because every LVM I meet is lazier than I am and expects to be waited on.

puddlesteps · 2020-12-07T10:43:28+00:00

CRIES https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJVbT4Vy/

Appropriate-Ad5425 · 2020-12-06T23:46:31+00:00

How to deal with hate?

I've been trying to move on and forget about my ex but I just hate him so much for everything he did to me, I know it's not worth it but I can't help it.

disposable20201129 · 2020-12-06T20:02:14+00:00

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harrohamtaro · 2020-12-06T19:10:29+00:00

Couldn’t sleep and started thinking about all sorts of things, including my friend who just got married to a guy she thought she was only going to have a one-night stand with.

It made me wonder if I made a mistake in dismissing a former fuck buddy — my personal take is that nothing good ever comes out of a relationship that starts with casual sex, though it ended up in marriage for my friend.

Then I remembered all the times I witnessed her now-husband treating her shabbily and how she just puts up with it. And... lol. Just came here to affirm that my head is screwed right and tight.

puddlesteps · 2020-12-06T17:50:46+00:00

I’m here to preach to myself today. I saw my ex’s Instagram page that has just been made public. While he was texting me alluding that he was in the same city as me he was actually on the other side of the country. What a liar.

He manipulated me, gaslighted me, abused me emotionally and sexually. He used and used. Was never authentic. Now I see he even pretended not to know how to cook when he can cook perfectly well from his photos. He was just putting in the least least least amount of effort because I had no standards and let him show his true colors - man child. Man toddler in fact.

Adores Elon musk. I asked him what he and his guys friends want in girls , he said super serious and in deep thought ‘the hot girls’ .

He is British and plays up his accent and that character. He plays up anything that others find impressive . He’s from Harvard, he works at a super super super prestigious job , even more difficult to get into than Harvard. He is extremely well connected , connected to politicians in the highest levels of office in the country , and royals in other countries.

But reading our texts again, he is so empty. And for him to have been messaging me while he was moving to the new City and pretending to me near me to get my attention, he must have Been in so much craving, so much suffering.

He is a fear based human and will never know true joy. Because he is constantly performing. Constantly in a state of striving and fear. Empty.

I honestly feel like I witnessed how evil is born. It is born out of a state of fear, and a state of trauma that has shut down the humanity in a person.

Ladies, FDS does not exaggerate. There are truly empty men out here. I had to experience first hand to lift the veil from my eyes. I had to be hurt so badly.

My fear is one day he will use information he has on me against me. My fear is that he will sabotage my future career plans one day because I know he can if he really wanted to. He has videos of us having sex. He knows my business plans. I hope he’s forgotten because I hope he sees me as a complete non-threat and just short term narcissistic supply. Nothing to truly invest in.

It is so sad to think that there are so many beta males like him who are leaders of globally influential companies. I mean , look at the current president! It’s very insane that the culture and the system celebrates these people. Material success does not mean the person is a good person. The system rewards evil and fear too. 😞 I’m in a fucked up state of mind right now...

Ugythrowaway123 · 2020-12-06T16:18:33+00:00

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Maleficent-Kaiba · 2020-12-06T08:12:21+00:00

Soooo Rick and morty s4 ep8 just made a crap ton of incel and red pill references as if they have gone pro red pill ideology. Tons of subliminal references such as the controller morty uses the button is one red one blue both pill shaped. Rick also calls morty out for negging him but then shows the tactic is successful. Morty red pills Jessica. Mortys teacher basically does a whole thing on simping and how he wound up heartbroken. It was funny until it dawned on me just how mainstream it’s going. My nephews watch this show tf are they being exposed to.

ratbaby · 2020-12-06T03:14:15+00:00

My BF just broke up with me (3 hours ago) out of the blue over FaceTime (separate due to grad school break). He just said “I don’t feel like I’m emotionally where you are” and that was pretty much it. Although I feel way better about this breakup than any in the past (because all the past ones I hadn’t found FDS) I am still majorly bummed out because I really saw many good traits in him. I saw no problems in the relationship, honestly I really felt secure and optimistic about its future. But ultimately, he made his decision and that’s that. I can’t change that he wanted out. So yeah. Deleted his number, blocked him on everything, deleted all our pictures. Time to start the healing process. Any form of words of encouragement would be much appreciated.

Mind-Objective · 2020-12-06T03:03:35+00:00

How to respond if your BF jokes about wanting a threesome?

Yoru123xx · 2020-12-06T02:19:04+00:00

Ex admitted to manipulating and gaslighting me and it was nice to have some closure

cassettina · 2020-12-06T02:06:43+00:00

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misszazie · 2020-12-06T01:46:51+00:00

Made a post but since I still don't have a flair, it didn't show.

Wanted thoughts from others on whether you consider having a female roommate a red flag for a guy? Or at least yellow?

FabledAngryVillager · 2020-12-05T21:41:27+00:00

Dude told me I would need to buy him coffee if I wanted to know more about him 🤡🤡🤡 jfc

LeprikonPaprikon · 2020-12-05T21:16:59+00:00

I want to know your thoughts on this feelings I get from one of my best friend... So, she lives very promiscuous live. I don’t judge, she has her own issues that comes with that. She always telling me about some new dude and how is he amazing in bed. And I can’t help it, I do get very jealous. I’m single for more than three years and my single one night stand ended up disappointingly. I feel like I’m not even sexual being, like I’m wasting my youth, taking myself too seriously, judging every guy too harshly and becoming bitter person. I just want to enjoy my live, but my values are setting me back... can anyone relate?

curiousandbashful · 2020-12-05T19:35:47+00:00

I received Christmas socks from someone who lives in the same state as my mom. Asked her and a couple other people who the socks sender might be. No leads. Mom suggested it might be from a dude I went on a Bumble date last time I visited her. Buuuuut, if so, how did he get my mailing address? Dude only knew my cell number.

My inclination is to ignore the gesture. No note was included so it feels like bait. The concern, of course, is that whoever it is knows my physical address too.

Ideas? I'm not too worried since I live states away but still, geez.

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-05T18:37:10+00:00

Just wanted to discuss/gossip this age gap YouTuber!!

https://youtu.be/0NZSTJ0VLg0

She was a flight attendant (33) and he was a passenger (24) who works in the British army. He initiated and asked her out. Their dating life was meeting in different cities according to her flight schedule. He proposed 4 months later, and soon after they married. She quit, and moved to be with him. Leaving the job is not ideal, but long-haul flight attending is demanding and transient, and she wanted to pivot her career into YouTube. She puts work into it and the videos are consistently improving.

In another video, she said some FDS-ish ideas, where in month #1 she was clear she wanted a family and needed to know if he was marriage minded. She advocated to not be afraid to talk about it. She said if the big values don't match, straight up leave, don't wait.

But the age gap is clearly not FDS.

When he was asked what was the reason he proposed, he cited three like a "list"- trusted/confided in her, thought she was witty, and could talk to her about important/serious topics. He did not even say the word love!

I still can't tell who love bombed who. What do y'all think? Is he a fkboi? Narc? Is she holding her own just fine? Is she being a pickme?

☕🍵☕

Spraytyasha · 2020-12-05T11:59:27+00:00

I found FDS in May, while the country was under lockdown. I was healing from a breakup with an LMV and FDS helped me get out of my pickme habits. All of this happened when I was home and far, far away from college, however. I am back at my uni now and have come to realise that my best friend here is a pickme. I talked to her about FDS and the books, but she doesn't seem interested. In fact, I have noticed her engage in multiple pickme behaviours the last few days. Don't want to lose my friend but also find her behaviour seriously destructive. Do I try to change her mind or just let it be?

nausicaa27 · 2020-12-05T11:59:20+00:00

How to deal with negging..? I am confused because I have heard women say that you should either just smile or say thanks or neg back. Which one works better?

I, myself, just get pretty defensive about it, but I guess that's their goal, I am not sure what is the better option

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-05T08:36:17+00:00

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MysteriousLife7 · 2020-12-05T05:13:13+00:00

I just sent a text to a recent ex who's waiting for his flight back home "I was wondering if you could make it this weekend despite the slim odds". It was a breakup purely due to circumstances with residual feelings so we aren't going NC, but I felt like my text was so pickme the moment right after I sent it. It showed how much I wanted to set my own birthday weekend plans aside to see him. Well the text itself was no harm as we wouldn't see each other again in the near future, but still, I cringed from showing too much of my eagerness and clinging onto the last hope. Just typing this to get the feeling out. Fingers crossed this behavior won't happen again and I'll feel less embarrassed to myself about this soon.

2020-12-05T03:40:16+00:00

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juju0716 · 2020-12-05T03:39:45+00:00

I don't know if I want to date a man anymore. I know there are great men out there. But there are just so many sick psychopaths. I'm not sure if dating men is worth the risk...

waddamelone · 2020-12-05T02:14:35+00:00

I want a man in 2021. A real HV one. But I don’t want to try my hardest to find one. He needs to find me but he can’t break into my house because... Well, who would want that? 🤪

anonymous_monkey2 · 2020-12-04T23:20:34+00:00

I was talking to a guy and noticed he followed this instagram

https://www.instagram.com/the28yearoldmale/

It's Australian so it might be a bit specific, but it's so disgusting. Is this what's normal for guys around my age to think is relatable? The misogyny sprinkled in 🤮

softleather · 2020-12-04T23:14:34+00:00

How long does an AskFDS post typically take to be approved? It's been 24 hours since I submitted my question. I don't think it breaks any rules. I don't want to bother the mods yet so thought I'd ask here.

BleuRaspbery · 2020-12-04T21:33:23+00:00

Just came across an ex on OLD. He is now looking for a “drama-free” woman who won’t take up too much of his time because he is just so important and busy and he is already in a dead bedroom relationship. He needs someone who understands that.

I guess this is what happens when you call someone out for never being available during a committed relationship due to all of his cheating, and you advise him to just be honest with women in the future (what a drama queen I am). LVM just double down on their selfishness and look for someone else with lower standards.

monch-bred · 2020-12-04T20:35:52+00:00

I had been vetting one last guy who was probably the first one ever where I let him chase me— he baked me a cake to congratulate me on my recent work success, sent me mochi and bath bombs, took me on lovely dates to restaurants and museums, but unfortunately he didn’t message me at all for 2 days after I sent the last message, so I had to block and delete. On reflection, I noticed that despite the fact we had about 6 dates, I still had no grasp on his personality and values/goals in life. I think that’s a little weird.

I’m not bummed about it, I’m actually a little relieved because I get to refocus on fitness, something I’ve been slipping on for a year now. I deleted all my dating apps and I’m planning to be single for the foreseeable future. Because of the virus though, and because I just moved to a new city right before it hit, I don’t know anyone in this state at all. I sometimes feel a little lonely, and I deal with it by calling friends and family. I tried downloading this app Vina which is a girl-only app for making friends, but there’s a lot of mlm women on there and I haven’t had success talking to people.

How do you all fill your social needs during this time, especially if you want to stay quarantined? I might make this question its own post 🤔

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-04T19:46:54+00:00

I was today years old when I realized men perceive non-drinkers as less fun and harder to manipulate. So I started saying "Unfortunately, I don't drink :(" on OLD. The hook-ups or wannabe manipulators vanish, the 1% left that is interested, but made the mistake of not starting with suggesting dinner off the bat (one strike), will come up an alternative option (I don't suggest anything, I just say my line).

When we eventually hang out and I decide I want to drink, I just say, earlier, I was in a detox phase.

whokilledhydra · 2020-12-04T18:22:37+00:00

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Littledeltoid · 2020-12-04T17:34:51+00:00

How do you get past wanting to stick it in a LVM's face that you've leveled up and have moved on from past embarrassing pickmeisha behaviour?

This isn't someone I'm in contact with, he's blocked everywhere. However we have a lot of mutual interests and I'll start running into him again when corona ends. I cringe SO MUCH thinking about how I acted around him, and fantasies of "showing him who won" (after he walked all over me) are occupying my mind even though I know he doesn't deserve a single thought from me. How do I let go of this stupid fantasy?

gabydrt · 2020-12-04T14:24:16+00:00

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FunbutGross · 2020-12-04T00:24:09+00:00

Please assign me a flair! Im tired of just lurking i need to vent!!

ollie5009 · 2020-12-04T09:23:37+00:00

My bestfriend of 20 years asked me out last week, and he's a HVM. I am trying to figure out the right transition to being friends then into a relationship. Can anyone else relate?

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leo_macross_ · 2020-12-04T02:59:57+00:00

Just want to recommend Asha Christina on YouTube who I feel completely embodies FDS. You wont regret it!

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered December 3 2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	97
Comments	496
Date	December 3, 2020 7:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k643is/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.1193490 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193490

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