AskMen post discussion

Happy Sunday, y'all.

So almost a full day ago, this post was featured on AskMen, asking men who had been in relationships with both men and women to describe their experiences.

I found that this comment accurately summed up my observations and experiences as a heterosexual man:

is dating a woman really that hard?

"Yes. It has to do with the general gendered romantic fantasy.

In general -- not universally -- men generally must take an active role where women have a passive one.

For the woman's role generally, romance is something that happens to them. A woman feels the ups and downs, the mystery, the unknown, the excitement. Love blossoms around her. She is the passive recipient, and her actions, her decisions, her agency in romance is how she responds to it.

For the man in the stereotypical relationship often it is significant work. He provides the effort to make those ups, and when he stops there are the downs. He must work to create the mystery. He plans for, spends money, and takes time to buy flowers. He plans for, spends money, and takes time to arrange for dates. He plans for, spends money, and takes time to buy tickets. His role is to create the mystery, to create the excitement, to cause it to blossom. There is no magic, there is merely a cause/effect relationship. And after all that work, he is entirely at the mercy of her passive response.

Even worse is this trend being called "romantic entitlement". It is the view that an "entitled" guy is unrealistically expecting to be loved for who he is. That is, a woman's love for a man is not conditional in that cause-and-effect manner. Love and romance is work for a man, but in his fantasy the woman will feel the same way and stand by him. He must start cranking at the pump until something comes out, water flowing into the relationship; many men desperately long to stop cranking at the pump and have their partner crank for a while. Or said differently, a man wants to be loved for who he is, not for what he does.

Sadly, this is a harsh reality that many men face. Dating, and marriage, are often extremely difficult for men because women make it so. So many men fantasize of the day they can stop churning the crank which he continuously turns day after day to earn love, and even if only for a moment, during his rest have the crank turned by another to nourish him in return. That is the day when he knows he is truly loved.

For men dating men, generally there is no expectation for that mystery, unknown, or constantly churning the crank. Generally not only do the two partners require less work, but both of them are willing to be active participants in the work, halving it. It is far less work, and because the partner is more willing to take their turn at the proverbial crank to pump life-giving nourishment into the relationship, it is far easier to feel loved."

Other comments were pointing out that both men and women share this idea that dating the same sex would be easier because of similarities and being more easily able to relate to each other, though I think that this doesn't detract at all from the differences in desires and expectations from heterosexual people who are seeking relationships.

So:

Question for all: How do you feel about the above quote? Does it resonate with you? Nail on the head? Also, do you agree with the other comments that men and women sometimes seem better suited to each other rather than the opposite sex?

Question for bisexual men and women: What's your take on this? Do your experiences match what's been said here, and if not, how do they differ?

Note: Your partner or that one person/those few people you've met who are the exception don't really matter. Just focus on the post topic from the general perspective.