This sub really needs to stop calling men who struggle in dating "socially inept"

Vapelord420XXXD · 2023-07-02T17:26:21+00:00

Why is dating the only aspect of life where failure is completely placed at the feet of the individual? Why not housing, education, healthcare, and work as well? Why do people generally accept that individuals can fail in all these other aspects due to a multitude of complicated personal, social, and societal factors. However, if you can't get laid, you must be an antisocial incel?

zaph239 · 2023-07-02T20:55:58+00:00

I am a natural introvert, shy, quiet, probably on the spectrum. So to be blunt interacting with women is a nightmare for me, especially since my natural personally type simply isn't allowed when you look like me. Quite guy only works for tall and handsome.

So to get any women to spend time with me, I have to override my natural personality type, while at the same time remaining interesting enough to hold her attention and not step over the creep line. Which is set very high for me because with my face and looks. Women want me to f**k up socially and give them an excuse to walk away, without feeling shallow.

Women call me socially inept but I would love to see them attempt to do what I have to do. It is like giving a one man standup show, to the world's most hostile audience, while having to adhere to harsh censorship rules. When you have no real comic talent and would prefer to frankly do anything else.

I doubt most women, living life on the easy setting, would be able to do it.

ChiBron86 · 2023-07-02T17:47:26+00:00

Haven't men's struggles on dating apps completely debunked the "bad personality" myth? If it really was so much about personality, women wouldn't be swiping right on less than 5% of profiles they come across.

Personality is only relevant after you pass the physical threshold for what the other party is willing to interact with. And even on that front female delusion is completely maxed out. The insatiable male thirst for sex means men will gladly fuck down, which leads to a market where most women have an overinflated sense of self. But no sweetheart, that 7 who's fucking your 4 ass will never see you as anything more than a hole.

Far_Significance2023 · 2023-07-03T02:22:40+00:00

Observe women don't need any of that shit to be loved and have sex and relationships.

Women can be narcissistic, evil, shy, stupid... they still get dick and commitment from men.

Stop gaslighting men please. Why is it so hard to accept men have it harder?

Hoopy223 · 2023-07-02T16:11:42+00:00

Personally…I think its economics and social policy.

More women graduating college than men means a group of women who will disdain the majority of men their age for their lack of formal education. Also you will never hear the politicians/reporters say “we need to get more men into college” its always “these young men are stupid, lazy, need to try harder!”.

The inflationary nature of our economy means that many people will have to work twice as hard as their ancestors did in order to earn half as much, nevermind retirement. It takes longer and longer to establish yourself as an independent man/woman with their own place, career, some spending cash.

And then there’s our labor policy which is tailor made to keep wages down and create competition for jobs. Outsourcing, offshoring, guest worker programs. The youth are getting shafted left and right.

JonMyMon · 2023-07-02T20:11:49+00:00

It depends on what you mean by “socially inept”.

They might actually be introspective and interesting in an introverted way. But if they don’t have apparent, activating charisma, their style of socializing is going to handicap them. They’re casting a much much smaller net. I think men with natural social skills can absolutely do great with women. It’s a HUGE advantage. It’s just hard to get everyone on the same page about what “socially inept” actually means. Some people are going to interpret that as a pathetic, braindead, ghost of a man, and some people are going to grant that being social in the ways which attract women is actually a skill, a skill that can actually be quite difficult to develop. Women’s dating opportunities are not nearly as reliant on their social skills, so it’s easy for them to be dismissive of how difficult it can be if you don’t fit into the classic charisma mold.

Enflamed-Pancake · 2023-07-03T10:29:22+00:00

I know men who are childish and immature, men who are socially inept (can barely hold conversation), men who are unemployed and living off their parents, and one man who is a drug addict.

Should all be deal breakers right? All of these men are either in relationships or have been while exhibiting these behaviours. No prizes for guessing what they have in common.

skon7 · 2023-07-02T22:17:01+00:00

You need to also emphasis the one percent of men as well. They will make most women or a majority of women feel like they’re special and have a shot with them but then they discard these women for someone new not long after. Creating more emotionally damaged women. Yes maybe these women should give other men a chance but successful socially calibrated men are all they know. Why wouldn’t they shoot for the stars??

GlasgaAccentfurYanks · 2023-07-02T23:10:09+00:00

Trust Johnny Autism to write this post.

There are moments when the internet is worth it. Bravo sir.

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-07-02T16:00:44+00:00

Why should we stop when the problem actually is social ineptitude? And having a bad personality does not mean being a bad person, while having a good personality does not mean being a good person. In the context of dating, a good personality is one that is highly brash, confident, dominant, assertive and outgoing. While a bad personality is one that is timid, shy, anxious and neurotic. I've already pointed out previously that the term 'nice guy' is a misnomer. Timid, shy, anxious, neurotic, socially awkward guys would be the correct description. In other words, the problem with 'nice guys' is not their 'niceness', but the aforementioned personality traits.

TelevisionGloomy5458 · 2023-07-02T18:26:02+00:00

I know this may be controversial. But men should stay off online dating and approach women in real life and strike up a friendly conversation, build report, and drumroll please, ask a women out, shoot your shot (respectfully of course). Have b*lls. Stay off online dating and I understand not remaining friends with an ex girlfriend or someone whom you have unrequited feelings for…that’s torture to men. However, it would be worthwhile for any man who struggles to actually have a least one or two female friends (ones they are not sexually interested in). Because you need a woman’s perspective on things. Not just men who give you advice and are equally unsuccessful with women too. Talk to old married men (who are happily married). Any advice from a man or woman that is not in a successful relationship should be taken with a grain of salt

WilliamWyattD · 2023-07-02T16:20:04+00:00

Just assuming that nothing has changed, and those who struggle at dating are the same old socially inept guys as always is lazy thinking. However, properly thought through and supported, this is an argument and a possibility.

I think it is unclear what is going on in the SMP, and various hypotheses might be true.

Vanajumal · 2023-07-02T16:57:49+00:00

I get what you're saying, those articles are certainly problematic. But I think the issue is more complex than just "looks" although it does play a role. Status, aura and other more ethereal qualities play bigger parts in my experience.

puddingbike · 2023-07-02T16:34:21+00:00

Men need to stop having any type of romantic/sexualized interaction with any woman who is not the correct body weight for her height.

Problem solved.

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Annual_Anxiety_4457 · 2023-07-02T23:01:34+00:00

One massive issue not talked about so much is how trauma impacts dating among men. Traumatized people tend to close off socially, be timid, shy and struggle with eye contact. The first question should be to check if there is trauma involved then we can talk muscles and money.

Business_Window_6232 · 2023-07-03T09:03:27+00:00

women arent shallow. I have seen the ugliest most deformed men slay. But an autistic man? Hmm, like 60% virginity rate

wtknight · 2023-07-02T15:44:45+00:00

They are socially inept compared to the standards they want. Since they are the ones who are judging, they are perfectly within their rights to call the men who struggle communicating with them "socially inept".

TransportationIcy896 · 2023-07-02T18:53:26+00:00

Okay new way of framing this. Why get upset at women instead of the men that represent the “lack of emotional intelligence”? Why not just focus on those men to understand if they’re part of the issue?

Seriously, don’t enable shit behavior.

Grand-Inspection2303 · 2023-07-02T17:55:22+00:00

The problem is that "struggles in dating" is relative and not clearly defined. The average man will face a number of rejections and frustrations in dating and it will certainly be greater that experienced by a very good looking man. I think that should be fairly uncontroversial. However, the average man will also see some success in dating and sex as plenty of women are willing to date not-great looking men, and statistics show that a strong majority of men are getting sex. Therefore, the amount of struggle and complete lack of success that's often depicted by online TRPers often seems excessive and would require some kind of social deficit to make sense. But if one has a broader definition of "struggle in dating," it's possible for it to apply to average men with good social skills.

Educational_Rice8944 · 2023-07-02T22:13:57+00:00

Tbh most men I know (not hang out with, just know) have no fucking clue how to interact with women beyond looking at them as sex opportunities.

They genuinely don't see opportunities for friendships, and consider every rejection as an attack on their character.

Men gotta learn when they're rejected for not being a good potential partner and when they're not A COMPATIBLE partner.

miahoutx · 2023-07-02T18:00:08+00:00

If you’re ugly and have a good personality you’d have female friends. They might friendzone you but Atleast you’d be less lonely.

If you’re handsome and have a good personality you’d have female friends who sometimes would sleep with you. Might not lead to a relationship but you’d be less lonely.

Notice how one fixable trait leads to less loneliness

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-07-02T19:14:02+00:00

Yes you are, a lot you are visibly autistic and don’t know basic common sense like looks matter until some pill told you and that “women lied” when it’s beyond obvious that they talk about looks.

PrinceJamRoll · 2023-07-02T20:29:27+00:00

Every incel I've ever met 100% were poorly socialized. When you can't even realize the reason you are failing there isn't much hope. If you need to advocate for half of the population to change so that you can get a date you might want to rethink why you aren't getting dates when other people are.

RacistsCallMeRacist · 2023-07-02T17:34:31+00:00

Wise losers tend to accept their station with time. There are few lifetime failures at twenty. MOST of us were filled with potential, promise, and great expectations. Anyone could turn out to be president of the U.S. or at least of a company. Few were bald, fat was still being passed off as muscle, and every man you knew was going to make it someday.

So where did we failures go? I contend that there are just as many men now as there were when we were, say, twenty-three. We just don't recognize ourselves. Society doesn't recognize us because some of us are fat and some are bald and only a handful made it much of anywhere. We are no longer "suitable," or as suitable as we looked to be at twenty. Our lives are no longer ahead of us, instead, we are smack in the middle of what our lives turned out to be, and that isn't much. Poor guys. There are plenty of failures at forty and fifty.

Addiction, isolation, gaming, daydreaming, rising health issues, education dropouts, job failures, missed opportunities, thwarted ambitions--that's what omega males our age are made of.

But it is liberating. We are invisible. We can do anything and go anywhere and no one cares so long as we don't bother them. No responsibilities. The world is our monastery.

Lenovo_Driver · 2023-07-02T17:08:33+00:00

The numbers of lonely young men are simply too big to be blamed on shitty personality traits or autism

Yet it should be blamed on women being a monolith that just decided to get pickier and pickier?

Old_Speed_7861 · 2023-07-02T17:20:23+00:00

Women want to be seen as special

meteorness123 · 2023-07-02T20:07:39+00:00

Stop misunderstanding personality. Good personality doesn't mean "oh but im such a good guy". It means outgoing, fun, playful, low neuroticism and not being on a manosphere forum.

From what I've seen, every single guy, literally everyone who socializes on a regular, has a girlfriend. Every single one.

Safinated · 2023-07-02T21:37:19+00:00

The number of men who have offended me with their appearance is negligible

The number of men who have offended me with their words and actions is ever increasing

KayRay1994 · 2023-07-02T19:36:30+00:00

my dude, seek therapy. You’re welcome

AcrobaticRhubarb2147 · 2023-07-02T16:14:40+00:00

Well, I do feel bad for the truly good men that are still out there, caring considerate respectful and hardworking. Unfortunately they didn’t get the shaft from women, albeit I know they feel that way and blame women. Really you need to blame other men who behaved so badly to the women you want to date. Hence, that’s why our guard is up with you, that’s why we are jaded, and irritated and short fused. In the same vein, women need to stop lowering their standards and accepting bad behavior and these jerks will straighten out if we were more cutthroat and implemented zero tolerance for cheating, lying, abuse, disrespect etc. so men and women need to hold ourselves to account. What we allow, we teach. I worked in a male dominated manufacturing plant for 5 years and I’d say the issue is the good men say and do nothing when the bad men behave atrociously. We have a crisis of boys and men, google Richard reeves and google 7 million men not work between the age of 25-54. We have a failure of male leadership and mentorship. Single mom’s aren’t going to fill the void on what it is to be a good man, men have to step up and step in and break their boots off in these young men’s *sses. Plain and simple. Men have to own that.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-07-02T18:26:51+00:00

all of those things are social ineptitude, what point are you making

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-07-02T18:16:45+00:00

Ok. I'll stop in this sub if you want.

That won't change my opinion in real life.

Men who can't attract women while having a decent physique are utterly inept, socially and personality-wise.

Hell, even fat guys with good personalities can pull.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-07-02T20:53:53+00:00

Well certainly some men and some women are socially inept, but there are also people who 'lack meaningful connection' or 'lack emotional intelligence'.

Although I think there is a lot of overlap between 'socially inept' and '[lacking] in emotional intelligence'.

Women get to be pickier than ever

Anyone can consent to whomever they want, regardless of gender

but they are not picking personality

Most people do need to have someone who has a compatible personality who they have chemistry with in addition to them feeling attracted to them generally; this isn't a gendered thing. There are some people who will date someone with no personality but most people need compatible ones in order to enjoy each others' company.

Yes for an optional sexual and/or romantic relationship, regardless of gender, generally most people need to be physically attracted to each other....

The numbers of lonely young men are simply too big to be blamed on shitty personality traits or autism.

There are lonely people of every gender. Some of the loneliest are in marriages and long-term relationships. Most people who have experience in at least one long-term relationship will tell you the loneliest they ever were romantically where when he/she was laying beside them and weren't connecting, or their connection had come undone.

Most young men are having sex. Most will have live-in relationships or marriages by some time in their thirties (US).

I just wish "psychologists" writing these articles would admit that.

Why are you putting that in quotes? Either they are psychologists or they aren't.

Women are picking looks over all else

Plenty of women might swipe right on 10 guys they find attractive and then unmatch with them because they realize a lifestyle incompatibility... but yes, most men and most women aren't trying to match with someone they find to be unattractive to them.

Forcing yourself to date someone you're not attracted to is an unhealthy dynamic for any relationship.

Peacesquad · 2023-07-02T21:41:38+00:00

Women are so annoying nowadays. They don’t operate in reality man

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-07-03T02:13:30+00:00

Lacking all those things makes someone socially inept.

Men need to work on forming friendships and not putting all their hopes and dreams on women.

newoneaj1234 · 2023-07-02T18:16:02+00:00

Ah well it's not going to change anyway. Honestly every time I feel lonely ,I know it's my fault.I am the one who is failing and letting society decide it may be due to my social ineptitude.Ive accepted that I don't have much to offer. Having said so I don't find gay men having this problem.Infact I've been asked out on a date by two of them in the past.Having been born in the wrong sexuality in my case unfortunately means being straight.

microwavecancer · 2023-07-03T05:35:23+00:00

Women get to be pickier than ever, but they are not picking personality.

Unlike OP, for example. If OP could pick he'd go for a strong character

MILFBucket · 2023-07-03T08:10:06+00:00

Here's a take I'm surprised I haven't been seeing more: the US population after boomers has a significant male surplus, whereas boomers have long had a significant female surplus. What changed? The Vietnam draft culled a lot of young men from the generation, which was the norm for previous generations. Our sustained relative peace has had the unpleasant side effect of increasing the competition among young men to find a partner.

That said, the completely deranged conclusion to take away from this would be that we need to send more men off to war so those of us lucky enough to stay alive have an easier time getting with women. We should be grateful overall while still recognizing that solving one problem often comes with new smaller problems.

There are also many other factors reinforcing our newer problem like viagra making older men sexually viable and birth control ironically reducing the sex drives of many women.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-03T09:46:58+00:00

It is always OK in today's society to blame everything on men. You almost never see the blame going on the other way. Accountability is a woman's biggest weakness.

kkkuromiii · 2023-07-03T10:35:36+00:00

we can love anyone even a less attractive man it just takes longer and we have to actually get to know them and like what we’ve learned enough to want that forever, good looks get picked quicker yeah but it’s not impossible nor is it rlly unfair everyone is allowed to be w someone they find attractive and personalities can be attractive too just takes time lol

Flat-Fix-3449 · 2023-07-03T11:08:06+00:00

Maybe we should start a support group for the socially inept in every aspect of life! 😅

milkytoast86 · 2023-07-03T19:56:12+00:00

Most of the women I have dated have fallen under at least one of these categories.

Title	This sub really needs to stop calling men who struggle in dating "socially inept"
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	373
Comments	467
Date	July 2, 2023 3:40 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14orcgc/this_sub_really_needs_to_stop_calling_men_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/this-sub-really-needs-to-stop-calling-men-who.1224294 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224294

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