Why do women really live in constant fear of men?

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-18T10:37:29+00:00

Weirdly enough I feel like our earliest fears concerning men are instilled by male relatives telling us to be afraid of men who aren't them. As you come of age you start to feel like maybe they were exaggerating/being overprotective. And then from there life is a zigzag between realizing that you don't have to be as fearful as they suggested or thinking maybe they were right.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-05-18T10:11:27+00:00

I don't live in consant fear of men.

But if I was to pick a gender of a person walking behind me at night, it wouldn't be the more aggressive one that could also overpower me by default.

Zabadoodude · 2023-05-18T09:46:43+00:00

Most women aren't just constantly terrified of men, but they do tend to be wary of them in certain situations. There are a few reasons for this:

Men commit most violent crime.

Rape is a particularly terrifying crime psychologicly, and women are more at risk of it.

Being weaker means women don't really have a chance to fight back against men

Women are constantly bombarded with stories of crimes against women, which makes it more on their minds.

Women are naturally more anxious than men, not just when it comes to safety.

People on the internet are more anxious than people irl, so internet women are more likely to be wary

mlo9109 · 2023-05-18T10:48:45+00:00

Not fear, but distrust. As an SA survivor, I don't trust men. As a lifelong victim of mean girls, I don't trust other women. I just don't trust people, regardless of gender, until they prove themselves trustworthy.

Aurelius-chfn09a · 2023-05-18T12:19:54+00:00

Probably for the same reason men are wary of other men; because we have a well earned reputation for aggression and violence. When I see a group of young men loitering on the sidewalk, I cross the street to avoid them. When I see a strange man knocking on my door at night, I grab my pistol before opening the door. I happen to be slightly larger and stronger than the average man, but I'm not going to put myself at risk needlessly.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-18T09:35:02+00:00

Very few are in constant fear, but they're just wary. It's like crossing the road, you look every time you do it, and sometimes you do get particularly scared, and we all know someone who's been in a crash. And of course, it's less of a concern when the men aren't strangers, but precautions are generally still taken.

anon018274031 · 2023-05-18T10:04:12+00:00

It’s not fear, it’s being wary. For me this is because of 3 clear reasons 1) there is always some innate caution if you are the less powerful person in a situation, particularly if any extra vulnerability is added (alone, alcohol/drugs, someone in a position of power to you, physically weaker, unfamiliar with the environment) 2) previous experiences with men have validated that the caution is appropriate, when that caution has slipped or gut instinct not followed I’ve suffered the consequences. I’ve also luckily prevented things from happening to myself (spotted someone spiking my drink) and to other more vulnerable women (forced my way into a room when I noticed a young, drunk, maybe 13 year old had gone for a ‘nap’ at a houseparty out of sight in a bedroom, and then found the people who went in afterwards to get their booze they had brought in plastic bags had been a while and when I attempted to actually go check they had locked the door, I’ve come across a man trying to get a girl in a taxi with him that when I asked he claimed was his GF… she didn’t even know him). 3) when I have suffered the consequences MY actions and lack of caution was picked apart- why did you do this/that, why didn’t you do x/y/z. The emphasis was on why I didn’t protect myself by being cautious.

This is not to say there aren’t men I trust. There i men that I know that I deeply trust and have actually helped in some of the scenarios mentioned above. But among men I don’t know at all or don’t know well they HAVE to be treated as a POSSIBLE threat in vulnerable situations until proven otherwise. So my guard is down in a big group for example, but if one of the fringe men that I didn’t really know offered to drive me home I’d politely decline.

Ok-Put3239 · 2023-05-18T11:39:43+00:00

Trauma. I’m not scared of men but I actively avoid men.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-05-18T12:16:51+00:00

It’s more situational awareness and acting rationally to protect myself, it’s not abject fear.
I’ve been raped, stalked, harassed, threatened, propositioned by my male employer(s), etc. I don’t blame ALL men for these things. I know very honorable men whom I trust…I’m cautious though.

angelicasinensis · 2023-05-18T12:36:41+00:00

Have you listened to true crime?

potoricco · 2023-05-18T11:06:50+00:00

Men commit the vast majority of violent crime

Vast majority of rapes and sexual assaults

Most women will encounter some form of sexual harassment or aggressive behavior from men in their lives

We are also physically weaker and have less chance of defending ourselves

reddishrobin · 2023-05-18T11:21:45+00:00

Because we've all had bad experiences and read the news. Men are the biggest threat to women.

Just-a-Pea · 2023-05-18T11:45:38+00:00

Statistics and history taught us to be wary of men. I know that “not all men”, but if a man approaches me and I say No I don’t know if he’ll react violently, so I avoid being approached.

https://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/facts-and-figures

chalkandapples · 2023-05-18T12:58:44+00:00

It's not constant fear. I generally feel safe around men and people.

However, you have to understand that because we're physically weaker, you have to be a bit wary. Because even if a very small percentage of men can be violent, the consequences of them being violent can be very extreme. I'm small enough of a person that if an average man wanted to, he can do a lot of damage. Risk = probability x impact. Even if the probability is small, if the impact is too significant, it makes sense to do some risk mitigation.

The helplessness of a situation after it happens also makes it scarier. People are less scared of driving compared to flying, because even though flying might be safe, if something happens you can't do much to help the situation. If a man wanted to kill me, often I'm a sitting duck and my fate will just be wait to die. Having no chance to make a difference or fight back is a very horrifying feeling.

If you lived in a world where it's men and a bunch of gorilla strengthen people, I bet you'll naturally be a bit wary even if most of them are nice and civil, because pissing of them off very dangerous.

Smaller animals also act skittish around larger animals, it's an instinct when you are dealing with someone a lot physically stronger.

Zombombaby · 2023-05-18T11:57:16+00:00

Because the men I trusted, often was told to trust, did terrible fuxking things to me. I've told men no and I've been physically assaulted for it. I've been stalked. I've been targeted. I've been harassed. And I've watched men I respected abuse women and children. I also watch the news articles about how men often kill women they reject as well. And from my own experiences with men, I know how quickly that an assault can turn into a murder.

And I agree, Not All Men. But I watched the men I trusted to step up and protect me also turn a blind eye and/or blame me for being assaulted in the first place. Like I'm supposed to know conflict resolution tactics at 16 years old or something. Like I'm supposed to negotiate saying no to a complete stranger at a bar telling me to give him a bj in the alley so they won't physically assault me.

Iunno, I'm happily married. I know great men I genuinely trust but I will still warn my daughters about the men who can't be trusted and how well supported they are by people like incels and red pillers when they do target women.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-18T13:01:58+00:00

It’s not living in constant fear, it’s more like keeping their own safety in mind. Don’t take drinks from strange men, don’t get in a car with men you don’t really know very well, etc. You wouldn’t say that someone is in constant fear of car crashes because they put a seatbelt on, right?

razten-mizuten · 2023-05-18T14:17:44+00:00

Women are wary of men because they don’t want to sexually assaulted or raped .

neetykeeno · 2023-05-18T12:05:04+00:00

Maybe the question, given the statistics, shouldn't be why women are very cautious about men but rather why aren't men more cautious about each other.

Personally...I'm never going to forget the creepy old guy who attempted to lure me into a car when I was nine years old. I backed away and ran in the opposite direction to that the car was facing and ducked into a business around the corner that only a local would know was open. I possibly saved my life and certainly avoided a lot of trauma, and I saved a great deal of pain for my family.

There were a lot of murders of young people and children by men in my city that year. I was not one of them. I was one sibling of three and turns out I am the only one who has left offspring. My mother was her parents only child. Should I have been less careful of my safety? Was I or am I that unimportant that I should not regard my protection of my safety as one of the major things I got right? Grandpa worked decades as a railway porter...low pay and had to farm the garden to keep his wife and daughter fed. He had an ulcer in the days before that was easy fixed...a life of painful hard work while in essence gradually dying of slow bleeding. Should I have pissed away his genetic legacy by trusting some guy in a car?

Wariness is good. Wariness will keep you alive. Knowing where to run to is good. Knowing when to leave a situation is good. Just not being there when men start beating each other up is good. Recognising angry body language before the anger becomes your problem is good. Knowing what someone's game is and making a strategy not to get hurt by it is good.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-05-18T10:39:48+00:00

It's not constant fear, it's more of an awareness that men are as a group, bigger and stronger than us, and can hurt us or kill us if they choose to. And unfortunately, a reasonable minority of men choose to. Also, a lot of men are very unpredictable in their reactions to women. So, we generally have to take the poison skittles approach and be....wary. Not necessarily afraid, but - vigilant.

SlothMonster9 · 2023-05-18T13:13:42+00:00

Short answer: If I am alone at night or on a sketchy street, yes, I am very much afraid that men will rape me, because they're stronger and I have experienced a good deal of sexual harassment from them.

Long answer: I know the vast majority of men are nice and friendly, but there's that 0.2% (or whatever the percentage is) that ruins it for everybody.

Starting age 13 I have been harassed, threatened, groped, touched, thrown in a city fountain, picked up and attacked with snow by male strangers (young and old and they thought it was funny). Even when I was taking a walk a nearby river with my baby in a wrap, an old guy whisteled at me to show me that he was furiously masturbating at me from across the river. I have never felt so vulnerable! As a little girl, one 30 year old touched my boobs, another grown ass adult showed me his penis... that is enough to make me wary of men for life.

TXGrrl · 2023-05-18T15:47:19+00:00

Because men give us reason to be.

87AudreyHorne · 2023-05-18T09:34:41+00:00

I am not living in a constant fear of men and neither are most untraumatized women. A lot of women had traumatic experiences with men during their life that made them wary of certain situations or maybe even generally scared, sexual harassment is very common and to varying extents almost all women experienced it.

Even without a huge personal trauma, we are all aware of bad situations and are taught to be careful of being alone with strange men but this usually doesn't manifest as "constant fear of men", just occasional caution. The more dangerous your environment is the more constant the fear is

satisfiedmind- · 2023-05-18T10:15:36+00:00

Because men can be dangerous so we are naturally wary. Most women have had some form of sexual harassment or assault. An awful lots of women have histories of being victims of violent men (we aren’t talking just a few, a LOT) and we never know which ones are the dangerous ones so it’s natural to be nervous.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-18T09:42:01+00:00

Strange men have cornered me in inappropriate locations when I’m alone and lose their shit when rejected no matter how patient and kind I’ve been. Very uncomfortable with their predatory behavior and unreasonable expectations that women owe men an audience, even more uncomfortable with how dedicated they are to isolating a woman before making an unwanted move. I’ve been followed while running and hiking and I’ve never had a job since 15 that men didn’t obstruct in some way because they want attention. I’ve only been genuinely fearful a couple times; lot of crazies out there. I would say I’m wary. Weary, maybe, rarely genuinely fearful.

And I’m not that pretty, and definitely not seeking male validation at work or on a trail. I’m ordinary AF. My prettier friends have worse experiences.

I’m not fearful of men in social venues at all even when it’s obvious they are drunk, high, or just obnoxious and entitled.

skysong5921 · 2023-05-18T16:19:43+00:00

I say this sincerely, not sarcastically: because we can read statistics.

"About 90 per cent of all homicides recorded worldwide were committed by male perpetrators"

https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/global-study-on-homicide.html

"A staggering 98% of [USA mass shootings] have been committed by men"

https://www.npr.org/2021/03/27/981803154/why-nearly-all-mass-shooters-are-men

American FBI statistics (arrests, not convictions) for the three most recent available years:

2019

Murder and non-negligent manslaughter 88.0% male perpetrators

Rape 96.6% male perpetrators

Weapons; carrying, possessing, etc 90.4% male perpetrators

Offenses against the family and children 69.6% male perpetrators

https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2019/crime-in-the-u.s.-2019/topic-pages/tables/table-42

2018

Murder and non-negligent manslaughter 87.8% male perpetrators

Rape 96.8% male perpetrators

Weapons; carrying, possessing, etc 90.7% male perpetrators

Offenses against the family and children 69.7% male perpetrators

https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2018/crime-in-the-u.s.-2018/topic-pages/tables/table-42

2017

Murder and non-negligent manslaughter 87.5% male perpetrators

Rape 97.2% male perpetrators

Weapons; carrying, possessing, etc 90.7% male perpetrators

Offenses against the family and children 70.1% male perpetrators

https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2017/crime-in-the-u.s.-2017/topic-pages/tables/table-42

Edits: formatting on this stupid website never works the first time

carml_gidget · 2023-05-18T13:52:47+00:00

Past experience determines future behavior. I’m not fearful or scared, I just have a heightened awareness. Every since I was barely a teen I’ve had boys/men in my face/space being some kind of way. I’m used to it by now but I’m always on alert because no matter where you go there is always a chance that someone might not take no for an answer. My mental talk is always “here we go” when I see it coming.

redkoicarp · 2023-05-18T13:55:23+00:00

Also, please give simple answers. No paragraphs. This is just a curious ask

How much are you willing to learn and to listen if we are not allowed to write paragraphs, OP? If you feel like this is too much work for you to "read paragraphs" and you expect us to reply in simple terms so you don't get yourself overburdened, then I don't think you are asking in good faith, nor do I expect you to be truly open-minded and willing to learn something here.

HentaiQueen0w0 · 2023-05-18T14:38:25+00:00

Considering I’ve had men think it was okay to hoot and holler at me as a 10-12 year old. Or that a close male friend of mine has tried to take advantage of me.

I’ve been lucky enough in my life to not be a victim of rape. But it doesn’t dispel the anxiety that comes with potentially being one.

Does that mean I outwardly walk faster when a man walks behind me? Does that mean I avoid eye contact or conversation with male strangers? Of course not!

I’m still going to be polite to them and treat them with at least the basic respect they deserve. But I’m not going to stop being cautious.

I know plenty of guys I would feel super safe with. Guys who I know wouldn’t touch me or hurt me because when I’ve been vulnerable they’ve only sought to take care of me.

But again, we unfortunately live in a world where physically men and women are not equal and that means we—or at least the majority of women not the outliers who are extremely strong—have to take precautions to protect ourselves.

It sucks, but women can’t afford to live without caution. But this also does not mean we need to vilify the entire male gender because of it.

skysong5921 · 2023-05-18T16:46:48+00:00

Because, in today's political climate in the USA, a Cis woman will never be able to rape me into a pregnancy that I'll then be forced to carry to term. The stakes for trusting a strange man have gone up.

Because something like 80% of Americans identify as Catholic/Christian, a patriarchal ideology that teaches a range of values, from women owing their bodies to their husbands, to women/girls being at fault when men sexually assault them and women being at fault when their husbands abuse them.

alien_crystal · 2023-05-18T16:51:10+00:00

We know that is "not all men". But we also know that "yes a good number of them". A good number of men rape, assault, are violent towards women specifically, even verbally violent if "nothing else", and so on. And we don't know which ones. They don't carry a sign. So, just in case, we are wary of all until they prove to be safe.

thetacobitch · 2023-05-18T16:53:36+00:00

Because nearly all of us have had weird, dangerous, or harmful interactions with men. We know someone who was roofied, sexually assaulted, harassed, stalked, raped, beaten, etc. by a man. Or we ourselves have been.

Edit: fear is a strong word. I don’t live in constant fear. Maybe constant caution. If I notice a man walking behind me on a street by myself, I will be EXTREMELY aware of his presence. I’m not afraid, I’m just aware that he could try to kill me.

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-05-18T16:57:27+00:00

Last time I checked, men were bigger and stronger on average than women. Men also are more violent. So of course I am weary of strange men in shady situations. Does this mean I live in fear? No. But do I live in caution? Yes.

Zestyclose-Custard-2 · 2023-05-18T16:57:51+00:00

As many as 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted and we talk to each other about it

ohdiddly · 2023-05-18T12:20:32+00:00

We have to be wary of men. We don’t know which men are the bad men, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-05-18T10:12:31+00:00

I’m not in constant fear but I’m weary of men I don’t know due to past experiences. I can be put at ease relatively easily depends if on the words and actions of the men in question

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2023-05-18T09:44:36+00:00

It can be fear or just wanting to avoid having to reject someone or just not wanting to deal with people

It depends on the day and the situation

eefr · 2023-05-18T10:22:40+00:00

Most of the time I'm not afraid of men. I have had some frightening experiences, though -- being followed late at night, being threatened, etc.

Women who have dealt with more of that than I have would understandably be more cautious.

Happy-Diamond1063 · 2023-05-18T10:23:23+00:00

I also don't read social cues well either and this is why I personally try and stay wary so along with other comments from women here, that's mostly it for me.

pearllovespink · 2023-05-18T10:46:40+00:00

I don’t live in fear around men but use discernment. There’s certain things I just don’t do if it’s just me around men. Like leave my drink unattended, get wasted, not going back to houses on the first date, wearing certain clothing etc. Women can be violent towards women too. Everyone is dangerous these days. You have to use good judgment.

Im curious to know what situations you’ve seen.

trickyreds66 · 2023-05-18T12:13:23+00:00

I don’t think it’s a constant fear at all times, like everyone else said it’s just being wary of them. For most it starts with our fathers and brothers telling us to be distrustful of men and their intentions from a very young age, and then the actions of men throughout our lives reinforce it.

moonglow89 · 2023-05-18T14:40:53+00:00

It’s not outright fear but more like distrust / caution

I’m about a foot shorter and 100 lbs lighter than most guys I interact with, so my safety is always a huge priority

inmourningtoday · 2023-05-18T15:02:00+00:00

Because men threaten to hurt women, hurt women, and murder women, with frightening regularity. We fear you because you are dangerous.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-05-18T16:25:41+00:00

But one thing I don't get is why nearly 90% of women are wary of men.

Men tend to be bigger than us, they tend to be more aggressive than us, on average. I'm sure most women here have had at least one experience where someone has catcalled/harassed/groped/screamed at/followed/threatened them and that made them feel unsafe. I'm sure some have been sexually assaulted, some may have been raped. Being wary is normal. This isn't to say we live in constant fear of every man that walks past us, but there are situations that we try to avoid and if they can't be avoided, we're more cautious.

lostnumber08 · 2023-05-18T16:34:07+00:00

A majority of women have, at one point, been the victim of a man. There is your answer.

thetacobitch · 2023-05-18T17:15:31+00:00

I’m a normal girl in my mid twenties and these are some of my experiences:

-male teacher sold photos of me online at 12 years old in exchange for child porn

-been sexually assaulted by a minimum of 5 different guys, one of which went on to be class President of my high school

-raped and sexually abused by my ex-boyfriend

-multiple friends have been drugged by men at parties

-just a few days ago a man tried to assault me as I was walking down the street a block away from my house in a nice neighborhood. Granted he was on drugs, but still.

Also, I’ve never come forward about my sexual assaults and rapes. Their friends have no way of knowing what he did. So keep that in mind when wondering why women are afraid. It’s because we know things you don’t know. Men love to believe that all the men they know are the good ones, and unfortunately that’s probably untrue.

LolliaSabina · 2023-05-18T17:33:29+00:00

I don’t know a single woman who lives in “constant fear” of men, but almost all of them are at least somewhat wary, at least when in an unfamiliar place, at night, alone and isolated building or area, etc.

Because the vast majority of people who are going to assault us in some way are men, and they don’t wear a sign indicating which ones are the bad guys.

And furthermore, if we aren’t super cautious and something does happen, we are told, “you should’ve been smarter, why were you running at night?” Or “Why would you have even gone to that part of town? Don’t you know it’s dangerous?” Or “why didn’t you have someone walk you to your car?”

begayallday · 2023-05-18T17:48:23+00:00

Because of the numerous actual terrifying experiences I have had with men. I wasn’t always this wary.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-05-18T17:53:10+00:00

Wary is accurate, not constant fear. That being said the male relatives in my life pretty much relentlessly taught me to be wary of men. I received pepper spray as a gift from an uncle.

It proved to be necessary as I have been sexually assaulted, not on a date or in a closed room, but on a train and in a parking lot to name two. Public places.

Truthfully I see no point in interacting with strangers at all regardless of gender and avoid it. I have a partner. I have more friends than I realistically have time for. I don't find value in interacting with strangers. Often times when strangers want to interact with you it's because they are looking for connection, sometimes deeper connection. These people typically aren't in relationships or have few friends. I simply don't have the time or desire to interact with them.

It's nothing personal. Sorry I can't give a one sentence answer for a complex question.

MxMaster9907 · 2023-05-18T20:58:48+00:00

That’s because most women experience constant harassment…

Caractacutetus · 2023-05-18T09:32:26+00:00

They are afraid of unwanted sexual advances.

Aimeereddit123 · 2023-05-18T13:18:09+00:00

I’m not scared of all men, BUT make no bones about it, I always know that IF a stranger is going to attack or hurt me, it’s 99% of the time going to be a man. I’m a runner in hot ass Louisiana. If there were no men in the world, I would do all my running at night. I find myself very resentful when I’m running and sweating that I can’t wait for the sun to go down because….men - NOT all men would hurt me, but it would be a man that would.

notseizingtheday · 2023-05-18T09:46:07+00:00

sublimemongrel · 2023-05-18T12:01:00+00:00

Being wary of strange men isn’t “living in constant fear” of them.

keen238 · 2023-05-18T15:33:41+00:00

As Margaret Atwood wrote- “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”

Infinite_Signal90 · 2023-05-18T09:35:50+00:00

I don’t live in constant fear of men. I am as baffled as you are about the vast amount of women online sharing that they are deeply scared of men in general.

For example. Waking down a street at night. As far as I’m aware both men and women keep their wits about them when walking alone at night. Why everyone acts like this is a female only issue and that men are walking about unbothered about possibly being mugged I will never know.

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-05-18T11:52:35+00:00

It's not a constant fear, but men tend to be taller and larger than my 5'1 self, so if I get followed I will have less chances being able to win a fight with a man

Deep_Instruction4255 · 2023-05-18T13:07:54+00:00

As a man I also live in near constant fear of men. And women.

Sophiatab · 2023-05-18T13:54:49+00:00

Read the crime statistics. Which gender commits most of the murders, rapes, beatings, etc.

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-05-18T13:56:45+00:00

All women are wary of men, it's not 90% it's all of us. But most women do not live in constant fear of men, there's a difference. And unless you have ever lived a day in a woman's body you will never truly understand what it feels like. If a woman makes eye contact more than once with you and smiles then approach, otherwise no.

relish5k · 2023-05-18T14:04:22+00:00

The fear should only serve as behavioral guardrails.

Walking about day to day life, the chances are very low that a random man will hurt you.

But know what men are capable of and don’t give them the opportunity- e.g. I would advise women, especially young women, to avoid consuming alcohol in a private space with men they don’t know well. Or really being alone with any strange man in a private space, especially if none of her friends no where she is.

Safinated · 2023-05-18T14:11:48+00:00

Personal experience, heresay from other other women, news/media/crime stats, and what men say to us

Blue_Robin_04 · 2023-05-18T14:22:07+00:00

It's a cultural thing. We teach girls to fear the world and the men in it, even if their experiences have been fine.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-05-18T14:25:45+00:00

Not constant fear but women learn to be careful of men since we are children. Not to make men out to be a big scary boogeyman, but many women can tell you that their first experience being sexually harassed or assaulted is as a child or teenager by adult men or boys our age. By the time we’re adults we’ve experienced so much that we’re more cautious because being naive will get you hurt.

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-18T14:55:39+00:00

I think others did a great job of addressing the wariness aspect due to crimes.

I'll give a jab at the deeper stuff. I think Jordan Peterson made a great point that I saw about women testing men's patience and ability to control their aggression and anger. He suggests it's because of children, which I do agree is an aspect of it, but I think we also do it for our own safety.

Being in a relationship with an angry man who is out of control or who's version of control is just short of hitting you is very frightening and scary. And nothing could be worse than being in close, intimate, and loving relationship with someone who you don't want to leave, but fear when their mood is dark and are wondering if one day they'll snap and instead of the dishes, it's your head. Or if one day you'll be having sex and they'll go from being a bit pushy or edgy to going way too far. Or if one day you'll have a fight and suddenly the relationship is over.

It isn't that women are necessarily super afraid of this happening per say, it's that we're seeking a man we can trust never to go too far or give in to his more animal or aggressive instincts. Not only for our eventual children, but for ourselves. And you have to be pretty vigilant to find this sort of dude and wary of men who seem on the edge of not being this dude.

Anichic · 2023-05-18T15:35:44+00:00

Most women are not outright terrified of men and don’t talk to them, but there is definitely a wariness that originates given sadly most men are the perpetrators of violent crimes and rapes are very gendered with more women being raped than men.

rate of sexual offences in the UK 2022.)

Sadly this was in the UK alone, I cannot imagine the rates in other countries. We do not want to be afraid of men but a combination of societal messages, the media and primary and secondary socialisation teach us that men have the potential more so than women to hurt us.

medlabunicorn · 2023-05-18T17:33:01+00:00

One in four women have been sexually assaulted or raped by a man. Most of us have more than one friend, and we talk to each other. Almost all of us have been harassed by men, often starting with strangers as old as our fathers before we are even menstruating. We also meet a lot of men who give off the vibe of ‘I would be willing to force you to have sex with me (rape you. That’s rape.) if I thought that I could get away with it.’ We also meet a lot of men who clearly do not see us as full citizens and full human beings the same way that men are.

Also, we can read. We see the shit all over the internet that men write about women.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-05-18T17:39:12+00:00

Maybe because of the chance of rape, assault, or being bothered?

KikiYuyu · 2023-05-18T18:56:45+00:00

When you hear enough horror stories, it's hard not to feel wary. I try not to, but it is on my mind.

Decent_Plastic_ · 2023-05-18T19:27:11+00:00

Let me explain this to you OP, imagine you have a male friend that is deeply terrified of pit bulls, one time a pit bull bit him, another time a pit bull chased him across the neighborhood for what seemed like eternity whilst he ran for his life.

In the future years later then the man hears some of his friends who have had bad experiences with pit bulls or sees that some pit bulls killed some other people or sexually assaulted other dogs on the news.

That man will have a trauma towards and act very differently with all pit bulls he meets, yup even the most well behaved love-able pit bulls that would never hurt a fly.

You might be upset at this reality but fuck your feelings, the reality is men can rape, hurt, attack women… and it only takes 10% of men to be even willing/capable of doing this to women in different circumstances in life but that’s all it takes to ruin it for the bunch.

Old-Condition-119 · 2023-05-18T19:46:55+00:00

just used to being targeted

doggiedoc2004 · 2023-05-18T22:05:35+00:00

I Don’t live in fear but live with the constant knowledge that the vast majority of men are much stronger and bigger than me (I’m 5’1). And for all of human history penises and large body size have been used to traumatize and abuse us. Men rarely experience this unless they get imprisoned.

Most of us modify our behavior and interactions based on this knowledge

Many of us have experienced this first hand. Most of us have friends or family that have experienced violence and manipulation/coercion by male people.

And yes I know that it is statistically safer for women now but that doesn’t change our experiences.

petiteandsweet1337 · 2023-05-19T01:18:49+00:00

Because theyve sexually assaulted me, abused me, threatened me, stalked me, cat call me constantly. and a lot of the men who have done those things are men I dont even know, so im scared of men by default.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-05-19T05:58:19+00:00

Statistically men might hurt me. My experience anecdotally says men will hurt me. I am scared until I know you won’t hurt me.

SnowBorn6339 · 2023-05-19T06:26:13+00:00

We are the smaller ones in society, and the comparatively bigger men are constantly hunting us (for sex, relationships, emotional dumping, rape, murder, whatever…we are always being hunted)

literaryhogwartian · 2023-05-19T11:13:28+00:00

Because men can easily overpower us

xPsyche · 2023-05-19T14:19:01+00:00

Because while it may not be all men, we don’t know which men.

Tek_Analyst · 2023-05-21T05:21:26+00:00

So interesting that I’ve seen endless comments confirming that men are stronger and women are weaker.

So, that confirms that people generally know there are differences between men and women.

Which means, men shouldn’t compete with women and that explain why generally women won’t compete with men. I’m using the gender as the actual gender not the made up one people like to assign themselves.

Why is it that we can all logically talk about this stuff but then literally turn a blind eye when people want to pretend they are X gender, and they’re “no different.”

Aimeereddit123 · 2023-05-18T13:21:58+00:00

Honestly, it’s other MEN, our bf’s, our husbands, our dads, our brothers, our uncles, our male friends….that tell us what men are capable of, and to be leery of them. I hear the worst things about men, not from women, but from other men!!! Why wouldn’t I trust their warnings about their own sex??!!

magiksissclit · 2023-05-18T15:42:18+00:00

When you cross the road do you look both ways first?

When washing dishes do you take extra care with the knives?

When petting a strange dog, do u approach w/ the back of your palm first for safety?

Do you wear a helmet on a motorcycle?

Do you pee before leaving the house?

Do you brush your teeth everyday?

Do you lock your doors or night?

Regardless of if you answered 'yes', to each of the above, you can catch my drift. "Live in constant fear" is a terrible and erroneous way to put it and no way for anyone to live. We are aware of the very real dangers and take the necessary precautions to vet men on our schedule, not theirs.

TelevisionMelodic340 · 2023-05-18T16:17:54+00:00

Because 95% of sexual assaults are committed by men against women. And nearly 1 in 4 women have been sexually assaulted.

We know it's not ALL men who do this ... but we don't know WHICH men. Hence the wariness.

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-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-05-18T13:58:24+00:00

men are womens natural predator. familiarity and trust exist to ameliorate this feeling. in an open emancipated unfettered SMP men are able to free ride on the high trust signalling of the modern "dating process" to harm women even more than strangers are able to harm women, women are primed for stranger danger, not familiar danger because of this

Even-Fault2904 · 2023-05-18T17:43:43+00:00

Because you guys do very violent things to women and when on the perceiving end, men will somehow blame us for not being cautious.

RedPill115 · 2023-05-19T11:15:50+00:00

The Boy Who Cried Wolf the boy calls "Wolf! Wolf! WOOOOOOOOLF!" sometimes - because there's a wolf. And sometimes, because he's bored and wants attention.

Similar thing.

Ok-Yak825 · 2023-05-18T14:11:20+00:00

The answer is because they're delusional, at least when in comes to strangers. If a woman is raped, it's probably because it's someone they know, not some random person.

Scary_Preparation_66 · 2023-05-18T09:33:23+00:00

This seems to be an internet thing. No females, myself included, that I know in real life are afraid of guys.

keebydee · 2023-05-18T10:29:40+00:00

They don't. It's just an excuse to not approach men most of the time.

ChadChasingB · 2023-05-18T11:56:01+00:00

I don't actively fear men, but I don't trust them or give them the benefit of the doubt either. I don't fear being robbed, but I don't wear visible diamond jewelry at 3am at a nightclub alone either. Trust is earned.

2023-05-18T15:08:28+00:00

we dnt live in a fear of men sometimes u guys jst be projecting ur insecurities ✨

anewadult · 2023-05-18T15:53:12+00:00

It's due to the fact that the average man can probably do lots of damage to the average woman on a physical level.

The ladies are right being cautious better than sorry for that matter.

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-05-19T02:24:11+00:00

You’re our biggest threat. Look at the news everyday. Women get murdered for turning men down, saying the wrong things, wearing the wrong clothing. We get raped at unreal rates. Ask any group of women to tell you about a time a man knowingly made them uncomfortable and all of them will have an answer.

ubiquitous-they · 2023-05-19T07:16:27+00:00

Y'all kill and rape women for existing.

Antisocialite99 · 2023-05-18T12:30:51+00:00

Honestly it doesn't seem like the fear of rape or murder either. It exists in situations where those are ridiculously far fetched. Sometimes they seem afraid.to be mistaken for someone friendly even.

Honestly I think some of this is a natural primal fear but much of it is just from being exposed to the media presenting men as scary and modern young women are basically conditioned to fear men even when there's nothing to fear and the situation is compleltly public and safe.

LilRedMoon__ · 2023-05-18T10:54:48+00:00

not fearful but definitely wary and cautious of all men. They’re our natural predators.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-05-18T23:00:54+00:00

It's simple. The vast majority aren't. It's just a trend for people to be victims now and this is one way women do it

NangKwak51 · 2023-05-18T15:23:57+00:00

I am a little wary around black people in an urban setting (so are many black people). That's because I have had a few watches and wallets taken off of me. No diss on black people, it's a visceral reaction; my problem, not their's.

I can't believe how many stories of hassles and criminality I have heard from women about men in their general life. It's rare when I meet a woman who doesn't have multiple sex assault stories in her past.

So it's like if Tupac gets on the subway with me times 1,000. As the old joke goes, even paranoids have real enemies.

Oli_love90 · 2023-05-18T18:44:29+00:00

Like 95% of the times in my life when I’ve felt uncomfortable was in situations with men. So that makes me wary, not fearful but I’m not going to be as open.

nicoleberry16 · 2023-05-21T00:04:04+00:00

Because many guys are creeps and you never have any idea what they will do

SuspiciousRule · 2023-05-18T20:18:21+00:00

When always told to fear something you fear it, like any boggy man.

sugartomyT · 2023-05-18T10:24:38+00:00

Yes.

DickTurtle1804 · 2023-05-18T11:22:59+00:00

Because a small minority spoil it for the rest of us.

Active-Razzmatazz-86 · 2023-05-18T13:04:22+00:00

Man here.I don't really think that women live in constant fear of men .If this was true by any stretch of imagination the level of insult disrespect which they constantly display for ken wouldn't be there

notahippogriff · 2023-05-18T13:29:03+00:00

Yes absolutely

no202 · 2023-05-18T14:14:08+00:00

No, I don’t. In certain situations, sure, but not constantly. I worry about women who are always afraid that men are going to hurt/kill them. It’s not healthy to live that way.

jedi1josh · 2023-05-18T14:15:25+00:00

I think this is like asking why some people fear dogs when not all dogs are bad. It's because we don't know if it's bad by looking at it. Having said that as a man I do get upset when I'm at my girlfriend's daughter's soccer game while her mom is busy, and people look at me like I'm a weirdo for being at a soccer game full of nine year olds because typically it's the mom bringing kids to soccer games or both parents together. My girlfriend even told me she thought it was weird when another man at one of her soccer games was there alone until I reminded her that when she's at work and I take her daughter to the games, I'm that guy.

wtknight · 2023-05-18T14:57:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Crafty_Letter_1719 · 2023-05-18T15:13:12+00:00

The vast majority of men on the planet are placid pussy cats that wouldn’t hurt a fly…which is why so many Men are offended by the notion that many Women are suspicious and fearful of them by default.

However it is undeniable that the vast majority of violent crime is committed by men. It just a fact. That these violent crimes are being committed by a tiny percentage of the male population is besides the point. People can argue that it is sexist for Woman to prejudge all men because of the actions of a few…in the same way it is racist to prejudge certain races because of the actions of a few…but the reality is it’s human nature to stereotype people. That’s all that’s happening with women “fearing men”. They are buying into a stereotype that has arisen( like all stereotypes) for a reason but isn’t actually justifiable when examined with any nuance.

Mandy_M87 · 2023-05-18T16:33:15+00:00

I don't think most of us do. If it is constant, then she needs counselling/therapy, as there is likely some trauma causing that.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-05-18T19:45:47+00:00

Yes the 90% is wildly inaccurate and you're overthinking this; also street smarts and pragmatism isn't 'living in constant fear of men'.

KingDinohunter · 2023-05-19T02:48:30+00:00

We as a culture teach it to them from a young age.

SoooDisappointed · 2023-05-19T04:12:56+00:00

And when you find out that fear is the foundation stone of hatred, you get a better understanding of the mentality from radfems, the women from femaledatingadvice, etc. and then all you can feel toward them is pity.

No_Panic2551 · 2023-05-19T08:01:33+00:00

Women are not always scared of men, but in a setting like a club at night women are (and should be) cautious.

intothemayland · 2023-05-19T08:14:28+00:00

As a woman, I genuinely do not know because I do not. I have been in a few uncomfortable situation, but it never prompted the constant, ever present fear I think you are referring to. I am not scared of every guy I pass on the street and I cannot say I am ‘wary’ of any of them. Yes, if I was alone on the street at night and was followed by a man, I would be scared shitless, but so would anyone of any gender be if it happened to them.

dora_dora_chim_chim · 2023-05-19T10:41:57+00:00

It's something that parents or close one tell them since they are child like to be careful of people, especially men. On an average physical level women are weaker than men so they actually cannot fight back in most cases if something unfortunate happened. They can easily become victim of violence be it sexual assault or acid attack or kidnapping or any sort of physical harm.

This fear induces in mind as we hear it in the media constantly and a lot of them have experienced some sort of creepy behaviour from men at some point. So it's always better to be careful than becoming a victim.

eternitypasses · 2023-05-19T23:29:17+00:00

We don't live in constant fear of men. But we know men in general are a threat and we need to be careful. Don't forget most murderers, rapists and violent offenders are indeed men. Not only that men are bigger and stronger than women generally. It's not crazy idea to be careful around men as a woman.

Chemical-System-4655 · 2023-05-20T06:08:36+00:00

When people have one negative experience, for example, if you get bit by a dog and it was traumatic, you might want to avoid dogs in general because it's a trauma response, or be very careful around them even if they're harmless. That's what it could feel like for some women

amakusa360 · 2023-05-20T22:39:49+00:00

Because "men are stronger" is a convenient excuse here, but also simultaneously, women were discouraged from mostly male labor jobs for no reason at all...

zzpop10 · 2023-05-21T16:17:11+00:00

Because men are the source of most violence, because most stalkers, rapists, and murderers are men, because most men are physically stronger than most women, because most men who do intend to commit violence are more likely to pick a vulnerable target than attack someone who is likely to be able to defend themselves….

Clawlor00 · 2023-05-23T00:30:37+00:00

I feel sorry for the way women are raised. "Be scared of random men", "Only meet with people you know", "You could be attacked and raped at any time ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!". Young boys are literally told just "don't run off and get lost".

This over-protectiveness from a young age just makes a generation of angry young sexist women who scream for men to stop oppressing them and taking all their wages lol.

Ask yourself, if these girls grew up without fear and were friends with boys and men without danger, would they be so unhappy in life now? No, they would be one of the many happy couples living and partying with both genders every week.

Title	Why do women really live in constant fear of men?
Author	topredhat
Upvotes	43
Comments	397
Date	May 18, 2023 9:28 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13ktrcv/why_do_women_really_live_in_constant_fear_of_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-really-live-in-constant-fear-of-men.1219628 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219628

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