I don’t think men on here have a single clue about how women interpret attention from the opposite sex

KnightsWhoPlayWii · 2023-05-27T02:20:20+00:00

…There’s also the way that physical appearance basically ALWAYS seems to get worked into conversations that just happen to involve female public figures. Ex: Have a female politician presenting a bill? How fuckable she is (or is not) WILL somehow get worked into it. (Though I do think this one is getting a little better.)

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T19:09:11+00:00

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Throwaway111441 · 2023-05-27T00:01:06+00:00

The main issue is that men and women just have totally different experiences with dating, almost akin to being entirely different species.

Men can go months or years without compliments from the opposite sex on their appearance, and women might not be able to go a week without someone commenting on theirs. For men like myself, I'm always flattered when a woman compliments me, even if I find them unattractive or if they're way older than me.

Shit, even when I get ghosted or stood up by an OLD match, I comfort myself by saying, "at least she found me attractive enough to use for attention".

People tend to want what they can't have, I'm sure many women would like to be able to dress attractively and be comfortable in their own skin without being ogled at, but men have such infrequent experiences with this it seems to us women don't appreciate what they have.

Eredin27 · 2023-05-26T16:43:19+00:00

I don’t disagree that women are much more aware and socially adjusted than men earlier because of necessity. Just like you say women who are narcissistic or didn’t get enough attention are the ones who like constant attention I can say that men who aren’t good with women or don’t have sex are who comment on social media thirst traps and lust after anything that’s “fuckable”. Social media isn’t real life and there’s plenty of men that want stable loving relationships and can see their partners value outside of sex.

Suspicious_Zebra8837 · 2023-05-26T16:37:38+00:00

Lots of dudes are jealous of the sexual attention women are getting, so they can't understand that being seen like a piece of meat is degrading because they want to be seen as the piece of meat themselves.

moonglow89 · 2023-05-26T21:09:26+00:00

Everyone wants attention from people they are attracted to

For women, that’s not going to be from 80+% of men starting from the time they’re like…12 years old and up

For men, a ton seem so desperate to be found sexually desirable — particularly without doing anything to make themselves desirable

The majority of women are innately sexually desirable for existing

Men want this same desirability, but fail to accept that it’s not how anything works for the majority of men

A lot of frustration from the majority men is that they don’t benefit from being automatically seen as attractive to most people

Men are respected and women are desired — and usually each envies what the other is given

itm4l2000 · 2023-05-27T15:02:10+00:00

I've been used as a human dildo, women kicked me out of the house after sex and never hear from them again.

Yeah I have an idea about what it could be like 🤣.

bielsaboi · 2023-05-27T17:03:38+00:00

Yeah, women hate having all the sexual power. Just like rich people hate having all the monetary power. It sucks.

k_aevitas · 2023-05-28T04:45:42+00:00

I agree with this for the most part but it is a little extreme I would say. Plenty of women do not ever get even thirsted over and women get horny as well,many are also not all about getting relationships or are not in a position to and don't mind casual sex either. I would rather get some sexual attention than nothing at all in my entire life, man or a woman. However I only want that attention if I'm turned on and from other people I find attractive.

captaindestucto · 2023-05-27T00:11:55+00:00

Everybody outside of maybe the asexual wants to be found physically attractive at some point.

Average and above looking women are used to dealing with the indiscriminate or gross side of men's interest frequently. Go onto a lonely woman's sub and there's a different perspective. A lifetime being sexually invisible isn't so great either. (And that is the experience of vastly more numbers of men btw).

OP is doing the usual thing of lumping inappropriate with appropriate desired/undesired attention together.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T16:14:24+00:00

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ambrosedc · 2023-05-26T23:30:25+00:00

Men

Are

Not

A

Hive

Mind

Aurelius-chfn09a · 2023-05-27T13:02:45+00:00

As a man, I rarely have women hit on me in public spaces, but I can't recall a single time I was happy about getting that kind of attention. The worst instance when I was approached very aggressively by a woman in a furniture store. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and proceeded to follow me all over the place. Finally, I had no option but to leave the store. Unlike women, I never felt physically threatened by this person, but it was a very unpleasant experience nonetheless. I mentioned this to someone at my gym, and he told me about a time when something similar had happened to him, adding, "Now I know what it's like to be a woman." As I said, these sorts of experiences have been pretty rare for me. I can't imagine what it must be like for an attractive woman who has to deal with this kind of unwelcome attention constantly.

Larcie1996 · 2023-05-27T20:00:58+00:00

Ok but who cares?

ThorLives · 2023-05-26T17:09:32+00:00

My two disagreements about this post are:

And men thirst over anything they find remotely fuckable. Key word: fuckable.... Men thirst over anything with boobs or ass, it’s not special

About 1/3rd of men are like that. There are plenty of men who aren't, but I can understand that women can't see the difference. From a woman's perspective, they have multiple men trying to fuck them, and it's easy to interpret this as "ALL men trying to fuck them". And I understand that if 1/3rd of men are like that, then most of the attention women get is going to be sexual in nature (because the "relationship" guys are going to be hitting on fewer women).

As far as "just getting sexual attention", women don't know which guys are interested in them versus just want to fuck them. I understand being cynical and just saying "they all just want sex". That's obviously wrong, but I understand that a woman gets burned a few times can become cynical. There's also cases where a potential relationship doesn't turn into a relationship because of issues that come up. For example, I'm thinking back to a few women that I had hookup relationships with. I consider the possibility of a girlfriend relationship with every woman I hookup with. Many of them have some issue that I discover that makes me decide not to date them seriously. I remember one would have bouts of serious depression. I didn't want to deal with that. A few others seemed like they might have a drinking problem - like drank so much while at home alone that they have a two-day hangover. Another one kept getting fired from jobs. This was all stuff I discovered during the time we were hooking up. I'm not going to accept any of that stuff from a girlfriend. I'm sure women interpreted this as "men don't want to commit" or "he just wanted sex and not a relationship", but none of that is true, and I think in some cases, women jump to those conclusions because they have issues that cause men to not want to commit to them specifically. I'm sure it's a lot easier to say "men don't want to commit" (i.e. it's all men's fault) than it is to confront the issues of drinking too much or not being able to hold down a job for any length of time (i.e. her fault for not having her shit together).

I'm not saying every guy is open to a relationship, of course. Especially if a guy is young, he might be aiming to get the ego boost of no-strings-attached sex from women.

Holden_Frame · 2023-05-26T19:20:19+00:00

The reactions and behaviors women exhibit when they cease getting all sexual attention or experience sexual rejection destroys this entire argument IMO.

Let's not even get into the amount of thirst traps (subtle and overt) women post on social media.

Just say you don't want attention from guys you aren't attracted to and leave it at that.

I don't like getting accosted by fat women either, but I'm not gonna sit here and write a treatise on "muh sexual attention is degrading" because if a hot woman did the same thing, I'd be fine with it.

If a woman's preferred genre of Chad did this, she'd be all doe eyed and giggly and that's the truth every man learns the hard way.

Maffioze · 2023-05-26T20:23:18+00:00

The issue with this is that those women who get annoyed by feeling lusted over still take the privileges they receive from men as a group being like this for granted.

The feeling annoyed is valid, but the idea that a world could exist without this being lusted over while still retaining those privileges they currently enjoy is impossible. Essentially women are annoyed at just one side of a double edged sword when men don't even have that sword to begin with.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T16:30:27+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T16:38:47+00:00

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nothatyoucare · 2023-05-26T19:42:23+00:00

First, I can't wait for automod to come in here and decimate all the comments agreeing. That's gonna be fun.

Second, your argument is based around a strawman. The strawman that women ALWAYS want this sort of sexual attention. There's very little that everyone wants ALWAYS.

My basic counter arguments are 1) we see what happens to women when they don't get acknowledged as sexual beings or attractive by the sex they're attracted to. Depression, longing to be seen as a whole person, etc. FAW and "invisible" postwall women are the two easiest examples to point too.

2) women by and large sexualize themselves. If they don't want this attention start doing like men do, who are largely desexualized. That would mean loose fitting crewneck tshirts, loose fitting pants down the knees or ankles, no makeup. But women, for the most part, wear very tight, form fitting clothing, low cut necklines, and makeup.

In addition to communicating biological sex, another area of interest to researchers has been use of “sexy” dress to communicate sexual desire or attract sexual attention from others. As the dress items that comprise “sexy” are subject to fashion and thus, change over time, researchers in their attempts to investigate inferences and behaviors linked to such dress have labeled and operationalized this variable differently. Regardless of how sexy dress was operationalized, women say they use dress to communicate their sexual desire to men and attract sexual attention from men

items of sexy dress that reveal the body have been linked to self-objectification. The fit of the items may also contribute to the body revealing nature of clothing styles that elicit self-objectification

And before someone argues this. It is UNDENIABLE that the clothing you choose to wear does have an effect on how sexual you are perceived. See it in action for yourself:

Women changes her clothes, gets less attention: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgw6y3cH7tA

OH LOOK IT HAPPENS TO MEN TOO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75aX9mlipiY

The really awesome thing is that he's wearing damn near the same shirt as the woman. And he gets comments and looks too.

why it isn’t always flattering as a woman to be thirsted over by men,

Strawman. No one is arguing always.

The only women who enjoy constant attention from men are women who are narcissistic or have not gotten enough attention in their life

Strawman, no one is arguing constant.

Every other woman probably doesn’t like being lusted after.

This is entirely under women's control.

They see an attractive woman online or outside, and they immediately picture sleeping with them. Objectification.

Finding someone attractive does not turn them into a mannequin. They are not an "object", they're a person you don't know anything about yet but they are attractive.

aryamagetro · 2023-05-26T17:08:59+00:00

the women who don't mind getting sexuallized by men online are also getting paid by those same men. it's not because they actually like it, they just want those men's money.

puddingbike · 2023-05-26T18:55:19+00:00

CMV Disagreement

ALL heterosexual women LOVE attention from the select group of men that they want to notice them.

xTakki27 · 2023-05-26T17:53:49+00:00

Objectification. Look at any attractive woman’s comments on Instagram or Tiktok.

A lot of them weirdly seem to be wanting to be objectified, when there's money to be made...OF coughs

Also:

I'd make the wild take and claim that half of the guys would enthusiastically change situations with women, so they at least get some degrees of attention, even if they might have to weed out any volatiles...

Rather too mich attention than none...

MarBitt · 2023-05-26T16:15:07+00:00

I am a man and being thirsted over by women has not always been pleasant for me either. A horny, drunk woman can be just as rude and annoying as a horny and drunk man, start by grabbing dick and the like. In the same way, a rejected woman can take revenge and if she is not used to sexual rejection, she will take it all the harder.

That men thirst over anything with boobs or ass is also an exaggeration. Maybe teenage boys in a storm of hormones and even then not all. A number of men have their standards, and they go further than boobs or ass and ideally breathing.

MalandiBastos · 2023-05-26T16:37:20+00:00

I would be okay with gay men constantly hitting on me and trying to fuck me, even occasionally sending me nudes, and getting creepy/threatening if it meant that many average women wanted to date me and fuck me and some hot women wanted to fuck me.

Like, id press that button in a heartbeat.

Brandy96Ros · 2023-05-27T01:56:27+00:00

Where do all these women live that they constantly get sexual attention from men? I rarely get hit on or catcalled. I never had boys liking me in highschool. And I definitely don't get compliments. I'm not fat or ugly either.

Ok-Today2376 · 2023-05-26T17:57:36+00:00

If a guy is good looking enough, women will literally thirst over them like how a man thirsts over any woman

aslfingerspell · 2023-05-26T20:02:11+00:00

Women get noticed by men when they hit puberty. Some women have had this kind of attention from men since they were 10 years old.

I don't understand this, exactly, and I'm not sure if this is really a "men" problem so much as a child predator problem. Are heterosexual men (and I ask this as a heterosexual man) really that desperate/thirsty, or is the amount of pedophiles in society way more than I would expect?

In other words, is this a "men are creepy" thing or is it a "child predators are everywhere" thing? Or is there some intersection i.e. are there more male than female pedophiles? Do pedophiles have preferences for males or females? Are male pedophiles more aggressive and open?

For what it's worth, I did have childhood contact with a predator, but she was female and only preyed on other females, if I'm remembering it correctly (crimes came to light years after I'd grown up).

My guess is that it's more of a child predator thing. It would be creepy for a fully grown man to lust after an underage girl who has mostly finished puberty (i.e. 17yo). As such, I see no reason for a normal, mentally healthy heterosexual man to be attracted to someone who is just starting puberty.

REDDITmodsDIALATE · 2023-05-26T20:18:05+00:00

Yah and women are fucking clueless too lol big shocker

cute_boy_kisser · 2023-05-26T23:05:26+00:00

I don't really agree with this as someone with a lot of female friends who info dump on me constantly.

My friends who don't get much attention have extreme self-esteem and ego issues compared to the more conventionally attractive ones. They also hate when the prettier friends complain about getting that attention.

I don't think women realize how much positive attention they get alongside the negative attention, and how much that positive attention builds up your self-esteem and confidence.

Believe me, I know what getting a lot of sexual attention feels like. I get hit on by unattractive gay men all the time. I've been sexually assaulted, stalked etc. Shit, I get hit on by drunk women too lol. But I also know that if I got zero positive attention most of my life that I would not carry myself the way I do, I'd have no reason to.

It's much better to receive a lot of attention and filter out the people you don't like than get absolutely no attention. In fact, it gives you more power if you want to approach too. The grass is greener on that side tbh.

KynetonKaiju92 · 2023-05-26T23:46:59+00:00

Women would be perfectly ok being thirsted by men if they all looked like Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Channing Tatum, Henry Cavill and those sorts of Hollywood actor/model types.

Women are perfectly ok with being objectified or seen as a piece of meat by those types of men.

The problem is most women punch well and truly above their weight class / league by thinking those types of men will gladly enter relationships with them. And what value do those women bring to those types of men? At best the relationship will be one-sided and parasitical because women will always expect more of the men, but won’t contribute as much as them.

eye_of_gnon · 2023-05-26T23:48:20+00:00

In other words women want commitment

kirewes · 2023-05-27T04:49:08+00:00

I think that has to do more with society then with anything else. In society both men and women pretty much have three requirements of men. Provide protect and perform (in bed/produce offspring). As a man you're right I haven't experienced your side of the coin but I do have eyes and ears. The men who are doing those things are the ones that either don't give a shit what others think or have grown up without a good support structure when it comes to dealing with their feelings. As far as the whole fuck first priority not all men are like that but yes we typically look at whether or not we are physically attracted to somebody first. Part of that has to do with testosterone which is a powerful hormone. There are so many articles on how testosterone effects sex drive. I'm not going to say that's the singular culprit but it has a LOT to do with it.

Also

I'm feeling a bit offended and if you're talking about majority terms but not all men can disregard this. I'm a man(32), I'm here and that wouldn't say I fit your description of men in your post. There are many women that I (in your words) would describe as "highly fuckable" that I don't thirst over. Despite what I and several of my ex's considered to be a high sex drive there's something called self control. The only time I start thirsting over somebody is when I've already been in an established relationship and I don't just thirst over them sexually.

One final thing. If you have thoughts or opinions that are also going to offend me that's fine let thm out. I'm a big proponent of free speech and that is part of it. Regardless I responded to this because I also want to learn as much as I can.

Scarce12 · 2023-05-27T05:04:18+00:00

Women: "I don’t think men on here have a single clue about how women interpret attention from the opposite sex"

Also Women: 'I don’t think men on here have a single clue about how to approach me to have sex the way other men have done."

3RADICATE_THEM · 2023-05-27T06:45:34+00:00

Honestly? It just seems like yet another avenue in which women will complain about something, blame men for something they did or didn't do, and then talk about how women are the victims.

Women LOVE attention. It's why they spend all day glued to their phones checking TikTok and Instagram. It's why they'll literally make TikTok's complaining about how no men is approaching them or asking them out (of course, the devil is in the details and it's not the one Chad guy asking them out that they wanted, even though every other girl wants him too).

You're also trying to convince me women are annoyed by literally having men just send them money online for doing nothing but existing? The degree to which feminists can moan about literally anything (even something that is directly benefitting women) will never cease to amaze me.

Z0mbs · 2023-05-27T18:04:41+00:00

Bruh I wish I was honked on the streets, objectified and seen as a piece of meet.

Physical attraction comes first, then if there is a match in personalities, the relationship can flourish.

SwervingNShit · 2023-05-28T00:26:05+00:00

I heard someone describe it like carrying pizza boxes into your office. As soon as you walk in you’re the center of attention, everybody makes the same oh-so-original joke “hey are those for me ?” You walk around being looked upon but can’t say anything because what do you say? “EVERYBODY STOP STARING AT ME”?

You know what everybody wants and Can se right through people holding the door open for you or calling the elevator up. They’re hoping you say “the gangbang is on floor 38, feel free to come up thanks for holding the door open” and by i mean the office social.

JayNaii · 2023-05-28T01:01:09+00:00

They see an attractive woman online or outside, and they immediately picture sleeping with them

I Disagree with this. Maybe I'm just biased(as a man) but I reject this idea that all men want is sex. I do agree that men are more likely to fuck anything tho(meaning have sex without any real connection).

But I kinda agree as a whole. I think the reason for this is men want to be seen that way. I dont know if its because its socially conditioned or because men don't get these types of compliments often, but being seen as a "Sexy hung hunk" is appealing to men. I imagine if women started cat calling men, men would LOVE it for a certain time but after after a couple years theyll get sick of it too.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2023-05-26T17:06:47+00:00

Have no illusions. Even the best men who separate themselves enough to notice and acknowledge excellent character in a woman are still also primarily focused on the idea of ending up in bed with a woman they find attractive. This is how biologically awful it is to exist as a healthy man.

I’m not saying that women have to like sexual attention from men but where I live, women don’t give a shit about character either. They care about height, social standing, money, appearance, and then maybe character in that order.

I think men simply want to not be demonized for the fact that they have testosterone that gives them a life experience that makes them want to fuck all the time. There’s a lot of man-shaming for this. And only women who experience artificially increased testosterone levels due to medical reasons can relate to this.

I also think that this sexual attention stuff, is stuff that men rarely experience themselves, so from their point of view they find it actually quite valuable. This is to the point where the difference between having sex and not having sex for a long enough time can become a self-esteem issue. If only women out there knew that men are different in this way and had some kind of empathy rather than shaming men as a whole for their ‘perverse’ nature.

dynospectrum7 · 2023-05-26T16:17:50+00:00

Ok so what’s your point here exactly?

No it’s not special when they get it at peak attractiveness. You mean to tell me a 25 year old single party goer and a 45 year old divorced for 10 years woman will produce the same eye roll if someone says, “you look stunning in that dress”?

And btw, you would have to know someone before pointing out a “good trait” so it doesn’t really tie in with the rest of you cmv.

esdebah · 2023-05-26T17:38:07+00:00

I kinda disagree. I appreciate the difference, but being lusted after can be fun no matter who you are. Or terrible no matter who you are. Situation specific. And Jesus Christ is it fucked and skewwd by gender norms.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-05-26T19:00:33+00:00

The only women who enjoy constant attention from men are women who are narcissistic or have not gotten enough attention in their life. Every other woman probably doesn’t like being lusted after.

It's not just damaged, narcissistic women who hook up with hot men who they don't know at all or have casual sex in general. Women almost always enjoy being lusted after by someone, in some circumstance. Including outside of the context of a relationship.

Women usually respond to sexual attention differently than men. But sometimes they respond in exactly the same way. This includes most "normal" women. And yes, it's usually with men who are exceptionally attractive to a particular woman.

This is all fine and I'm not trying to say anything is wrong with women. The point is that this can be confusing if you're an inexperienced guy trying to figure out how things work. It's not as simple as it seems at first.

SingerSingle5682 · 2023-05-26T19:26:28+00:00

So this the classic cliche of someone drowning in an ocean of unwanted attention telling someone thirsting in a desert that they don’t know how good they actually have it. I think it is more complex and different personality types do better under either scenario.

But I don’t think OP will actually convince anyone because of the lack of empathy in human nature. For example being rich can be surprisingly difficult and comes with lots of problems you wouldn’t expect, but the average person will never spare a shred of sympathy for your position, because you take for granted being given things people work their entire lives just to experience once.

When someone envies you, they can’t be bothered to even listen to the explanations of why the thing they desire most is making you miserable. The truth is happiness is a temporary emotion, and whatever you think will make you happy will start to become a burden when given in excess.

Also to be clear not every woman experiences all this unwanted attention, and to insist they do can diminish the experiences of those woman. Who often have it even harder than most men in terms of attracting potential partners.

Being attractive in general is a positive quality, but for women I think it actually has diminishing returns with a sweet spot of being in the top 10% but not in the top 5%. That range makes you attractive to almost all men, and you will have lots of options especially if you are willing to make the first move.

More attractive than that and you start to be “the most beautiful girl I’ve seen all day” for way too many men and it leads to so many awkward encounters, stalkers, etc that it is not worth it. Being attractive as a man actually doesn’t seem to have any diminishing returns in that way, but women tend to place more weight on personal taste as opposed to raw looks.

Just my opinion.

Sutanrei · 2023-05-27T18:34:00+00:00

Then OP realized that almost 100% of women are narcissistic.

EverVigilant1 · 2023-05-26T16:49:42+00:00

I don't agree. I think men do know how women interpret (unwanted) attention from the opposite sex. I added "unwanted" becaues that's what you're really talking about here.

Men know what it's like to get unwanted female attention - in the friendzone.

"you're such a good friend"

"someone's gonna love you for who you are... but not me, no never in a million years"

"Can I borrow your car?"

"Help me move this weekend"

"Can you give me $100 for rent"

"I'm so sad that my asshole boyfriend cheated on me... take me out for ice cream, k?"

We also get used for money. We get used in relationships as beta bucks guys.

Now why don’t women appreciate this? Consider what I shared above. Men are quick to fuck, but not so quick to pursue a relationship.

Now, why don't men appreciate this? Consider what I shared above- women are quick to demand money/gifts/favors/help/ "Friendship", but not so quick to fuck.

They just want to fuck. That’s not flattering because that doesn’t make the woman special, just a means to an end for the guy’s desires. What woman would find that as a compliment?

They just want to use us for money/gifts/"friendship". That's not flattering because it doesn't give us men what we want (sex), its just a means to an end for the woman's demands/needs. What man would find that as a compliment?

So, yeah - we know what it's like to get unwanted attention.

modidlee · 2023-05-26T17:44:40+00:00

the only women that enjoy constant attention from men are women that are narcissistic

I'd say the more attractive a woman is the more likely it is she's narcissistic. So the attractive women men are lusting after often love the attention. They just want it from men they're attracted to.

paroxysmique · 2023-05-26T17:55:47+00:00

"They see an attractive woman online or outside, and they immediately picture sleeping with them. Objectification. "

The thing is though that many women are more than happy to use the POWER that comes with that objectification and pretend they are above it all and it bothers them.

Nobody forces women to wear leggings that are so shear that they may as well be bodypaint.

Nobody forces women to show cleavage in or an exposed midriff in a professional setting such as school or the workplace.

Nobody but other women, have made the cosmetics industry into the billion dollar goliath that it is.

Women are the ones who take constant and endless selfies on social media as if they are in love with their appearance. Who is objectifying who?

We GET it! You don't like the endless and constant male attention but I doubt any ONE of you would give it up if it also meant giving up the power your sexual appeal affords you in your day to day life that you didn't have to do a thing to earn except grow into puberty. It's so common to you that you fail to see what a privilege it is

geometersbane · 2023-05-26T16:16:51+00:00

Want to be taken as something more than just fuck meat? Then BE SPECIAL. Most girls are just not. Not even close.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T16:36:04+00:00

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Smoogs2 · 2023-05-26T16:11:02+00:00

women who are narcissistic

I think women are just kinda like this. Female narcissists gain pleasure and joy when they bring other people down, but the other side of the coin is that they gain pleasure from self-love which is oftentimes externally dependent - essentially other people, but most importantly themselves, finding her attractive.

Reminds me of this NY Mag article with that porn experiment.

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?hp

“Certainly women are very sexual and have the capacity to be even more sexual than men, but one possibility is that instead of it being a go-out-there-and-get-it kind of sexuality, it’s more of a reactive process. If you have this dyad, and one part is pumped full of testosterone, is more interested in risk taking, is probably more aggressive, you’ve got a very strong motivational force. It wouldn’t make sense to have another similar force. You need something complementary. And I’ve often thought that there is something really powerful for women’s sexuality about being desired. That receptivity element."

Meana, a self-described feminist, argues that women's lust is "narcissistic" and guided by "the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need."

So it's not really the idea that women want to be thirsted on in public in a lude way, but yes, they do wish to be the object of erotic admiration and need.

Of course you get into the question of how exactly a woman's arousal a being the object of desire "narcissistic?" I suppose these researchers are making the jump that such sexual proclivities displays one's high sense of their own importance where they need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. In that sense, then yes, women have narcissistic sexualities. I fall on the opinion of these researchers and make no moral argument here though. I don't really see anything "bad" with that.

Ohmaygahh · 2023-05-26T17:37:57+00:00

They just want to fuck. That’s not flattering because that doesn’t make the woman special, just a means to an end for the guy’s desires.

Do you really believe a man pursuing a relationship with you, without desiring sex from you, is more "special"?

JumboJetz · 2023-05-26T16:39:00+00:00

OP then why is it that basically every conventionally attractive woman posts thirst traps to social media if they don’t like attention? Or are you saying basically 85% of the 20-something woman population are narcissists? I can actually believe that…

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-05-26T16:50:13+00:00

Your entire premise is wrong because.

Women thirsting over men is the same, women cat call, stalk , harass, and assult men ( and boys)too. Women don’t have more “ class” then men.

Certain boys get noticed by women early. You would be surprised how many boys lost their virginity at 12 to a grown woman.

You just don’t want to accept that there are men who feel bad about not being validated from sexual attention from the opposite sex.

KirthWGersen · 2023-05-26T16:56:58+00:00

Is this any different to a woman desiring a man for his money, social status or achievements? We often find that unpleasant or annoying. Sometimes we use it to get what we want or just brush it off.

It is the women who don't get lusted after, or the men viewed as losers, who have the problem. That stops them from getting what they want.

Being annoyed by attention from the opposite sex, while understandable, is just the other side of the coin of privilege.

calfshrug · 2023-05-26T19:36:57+00:00

The thing about girls getting attention at age 10 is well-understood and documented in scientific research, but people don’t want to acknowledge it, for understandable reasons. Female puberty has become earlier on average, so it’s very much within the realm of what’s possible; in fact, the research on the frequency of people at that age being capable of eliciting biological interest is shocking.

Anyway, I know how women have it, because I’ve gone on Grindr and set my tinder to include men on the search mechanism before. It’s gross as fuck seeing gross looking guys or attractive guys who don’t fit my interest category (I.e. not stereotypically effeminate small twinks or CDs with a big butt who pass well).

I completely understand how women see it, but I’m still irritated sometimes at how the evolutionary game has developed to make it gratuitously easy for a small % of men to get laid super super easily. I don’t hold it against individuals though. I just wish people would be more communicative and empathetic

Royal-Tip4585 · 2023-05-27T01:07:25+00:00

I thought y’all were sex positive don’t need no man types. What’s this “but we want relationships” type comment.

Fam you had a choice between hookup culture or romance culture. And y’all choose hookup culture. There’s enough of y’all sleeping around without complaints for the culture to be like this. Deep down y’all want things this way.

rootsnyder · 2023-05-26T18:55:12+00:00

This is projection of your own experience. You are more biased towards your interpretation of male attention then men are, because men at least can understand they haven't had the experience. You summarize your experience for all of women, with out being one, in addition to this you take women's experience they give you at face value and dont apply scepticism to the virtue signaling.

You are simply wrong, there is no need for a debate on this, you need to take it from an open minded place. The majority of women love male attention, but play the virtue signaling script that they dont. Wether or not you consider all of those women sexual narcissists is another story.

EdwardTheeMasterful · 2023-05-26T18:10:44+00:00

I would chime and say..Such is the nature of men’s sex drive and the deep seated urge to reproduce. Because women don’t have the same level of drive they cannot understand it yet claim they do understand because they have an equal sex drive when they don’t.

That which they don’t experience and comprehend they vilify since it involves their bodies.. Some girls “blossom” out at earlier ages and those that do comment on their appearance might perceive them to be 18-20 than 14-16. It’s not the way society treats as the standard due laws however when the girl begins to grow more womanly she becomes typically more attention grabbing as times moves on past puberty.

Women on occasion do the same.. women teachers have been in the news for sexual relations with younger male students…comment on men sometimes, and grab butts and crotches on occasion to guys they feel are hot. Most men don’t have that kind of attention though but long for it due to the aforementioned powerful drive to be with women in a sexual way.

This is a simple one desire and women don’t see men the same way and they want men to desire them for more when it’s not likely their biological agenda or instincts. Men can love and want a relationship but it takes a rare woman to make him feel anything more than decent shag. I notice women often say JUST want to have sex. Like it’s some travesty of justice to be that simple a list of wants. As if men should want the world of women as do women with men.

Men don’t say women want MORE than sex like it’s a crime. Men want sex and so what? It’s what the male body’s been designed for.. to mate and impregnate a suitable partner. Maybe since women seek a partner that should be able to care for her and protect and cherish her she might look for much more than sex. Which is generally accepted by men, it’s women that cannot accept the nature of men. Then have the tunnel vision to only see men as conforming to their values as acceptable and righteous.

moosemc · 2023-05-26T17:09:24+00:00

Women want to be lusted after.

So they can complain on social media, about being lusted after.

lostacoshermanos · 2023-05-26T20:14:10+00:00

I agree with this. At the same time men do care lot more about women than sex. My best friends I’ve ever had were women. It’s hard to talk to men about stuff that isn’t sports and video game.

Ohms2North · 2023-05-27T00:52:37+00:00

Women only want men for their resources

wonka___vision · 2023-05-27T04:02:30+00:00

Women have almost complete control over how much attention they get.

If they didn’t want attention, they would buzz cut their hair and wear baggy clothing.

The fact that most of women wear yoga pants and other form fitting clothing is proof that they are seeking attention from Chad. Women don’t like to admit that they are seeking an ego boost, so they “complain” that men are noticing them.

The truth is that if they wanted to be invisible, they could do it effortlessly as described above. It actually takes more effort to be noticed than it does to be invisible.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T16:45:50+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T17:10:25+00:00

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2023-05-26T18:13:29+00:00

The thing is though that many women are more than happy to use and enjoy the POWER that comes with that objectification and pretend they are above it all and it bothers them.

However, I don't think that ONE of them would give up that power if it meant no more unwanted male attention. The billion dollar cosmetics industry begs to differ. The women wearing gym clothes that look more like body paint beg to differ. The women showing up to school and work in cleavage bearing tops beg to differ. The women taking endless selfies for social media beg to differ.

All women have to do to "earn" this power is basically live through puberty without being morbidly obese or drastically ugly or socially inept. Then, they are treated almost like mini-celebrities by society and you have to believe that a bit of narcissism and entitlement comes along for the ride with that.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-26T18:21:32+00:00

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TempoIndigo · 2023-05-26T20:34:43+00:00

I think a lot of men would like to pursue a healthy relationship contrary to your beliefs but you hyperfocus on the sexuality of relationships that you cant imagine men ever caring about more

Or maybe you think men are lesser animals that can only think of breeding

Whatever it is, if youre ace and want a partnership, you should find an ace community and date from there exclusively. Hopefully you find someone there that only wants you for that partnership! :)

ReflexSave · 2023-05-26T21:53:39+00:00

I've really never understood the idea that finding someone attractive is in any way mutually exclusive to seeing them as a human being with thoughts and feelings and all that. Or that expressing it (in a normal human way) denies personhood to someone.

It feels like a weirdly disingenuous notion. Maybe I'm the weird one, maybe there actually are hordes of drooling guys shambling through the streets in a zombie-like stupor, humping fire hydrants and azalea bushes. But at least for me, an attractive person is not in any way less of a person. "Objectification" feels like a very strange accusation made by people who don't understand how humans think, and it's always weirded me out that it's not pushed back on more.

Question for any guy reading this: When you see an attractive person, do you see them as some non-sentient piece of meat to hump? Do you care less about their personality or feelings than you otherwise would? Genuine question, I want to know if anyone actually does this.

Necessary disclaimer because I know this sub: Obviously I'm aware that creepy perverts and rapists and etc exist, they're excluded from discussion because they are the exception, they are by nature abnormal and antisocial and exemplify the qualities that I'm saying don't apply to the rest of us.

nsquared5 · 2023-05-26T23:01:34+00:00

And yet women have casual sex, so clearly, there is some value to it.

StaticNocturne · 2023-05-26T23:29:19+00:00

If men collectively called a moratorium on their lust and sexual pursuit for a month I guarantee many women would become even more offended than they are when they’re being sexually objectified. They can’t have their cake and eat it too, which it seems to me is exactly what so many women are seeking to do.

caption291 · 2023-05-27T00:10:09+00:00

No. Most men understand this very simple concept. We also understand that the positives that come with that problem vastly outweigh the negatives and that they are a package deal.

If women were willing to give up the benefits, it would be a different story.

Infinite-Emu-1279 · 2023-05-27T03:36:25+00:00

Thank you for this

HinduProphet · 2023-05-27T04:29:57+00:00

If men sexualize you so much perhaps it is you who don't have much else to offer that they would stick around ?

Traditional_Job2467 · 2023-05-27T05:44:33+00:00

Sounds like projection and typical always blaming men as if lying about claiming women can't act no differently than men and yet by your logic your saying Trans become that or they can't lol

33333aaaa · 2023-05-27T07:58:07+00:00

Women just pick men, they just straight up tell you if they wanna fuck you, that's all.

froderenfelemus · 2023-05-27T09:06:19+00:00

When he tells you you’re so attractive/hot/beautiful/whatever that he would like to fuck all we hear is “I would like to satisfy myself with your hole.”

Women have experienced sexually charged attention since around age 10, as OP said. We’re over it. We’ve heard it all before. It stopped being special before we were even 16. It’s disgusting that literal children get enough sexual attention that they’re sick of it years before being legal.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-05-27T09:24:45+00:00

I wish I could say I cared. That's one of the great things about getting older you really don't give a f..k! 😅

Johnny_Autism · 2023-05-27T10:05:18+00:00

"unattractive people with sexual desire make me uncomfortable" the post.

Nihi1986 · 2023-05-27T12:43:18+00:00

I have all the clue, because when I was much younger I used to get lots of attention from women and, you won't believe it, women are actually incredibly predatory and disrespectful at young ages when they like a guy...it made me feel extremely uncomfortable sometimes.

However, I lost that trait for health reasons and became unattractive (later after much work would become average-ish), and spent years missing that attention and all the advantages it comes with, to the point I wished I never experienced being highly attractive to start with, because now my life is mediocre at best.

Anyway, the issues the op describe apply mostly to very attractive women and the first think they should do is realizing that the upsides can make it totally worth it. Yes, you have to deal with some creep, yes people will be fake to you sometimes...but people will like you more in general with all what it implies.

A woman (or a man) has all the right to feel annoyed by creepy unrequested attention, but they are getting a lot more from that attention...

naivesantonym · 2023-05-27T13:08:55+00:00

There are loads of women who use this attention to their advantage. Everything from flirting their way out of a parking ticket to using increased attention to promote their businesses or sell products. It's hard to claim you hate something if you receive benefits from it your whole life. I think they enjoy the attention when it suits them, and they dislike it when it doesn't. But you can have it both ways. You can't enjoy how quickly your YouTube audience grows, but hate that it brings comments about your appearance.

2023-05-27T13:21:43+00:00

...and yet women go on social media and post videos complaining why men don't notice them anymore and they feel invisible after a certain age

And yet, the multi billion dollar cosmetics industry's entire business model is trying to recapture something that was attained freely in youth that women spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture a small piece of.

And yet the entire business model of OnlyFans is to monetize female sexual attraction to lonely men and there is NO shortage of women who are clamoring to do this.

I'll go ahead and say the quiet part out loud... Women don't like the personal and social stigma of being only noticed for their sex appeal but they would not trade the power and the opportunities their sex appeal gives them for anything.

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-05-27T13:29:56+00:00

Sex is the most important part of a relationship. Ask many man would you marry a woman you could not have sex with. What % would say yes? I have how women downplay how important sex is

TheLoneStranger878 · 2023-05-27T18:00:11+00:00

Woman find it flattering when men point out a good trait about their character

I think this is the major issue most men have. I think most men are unable to point out good female character traits because most women have little desirable character traits that men actually like. Think about men throughout history men have adored female beauty but not female character. Everywhere from male writers of philosophy to religion talk about how BAD female character is. This is going to sound slightly sext but I truly believe men don't concentrate on pointing out good female character traits because women posses little good character in the first place. However sit most men down who aren't overly liberal and I guarantee you they'll have more bad things to say about women's character then good.

However with all that said I do agree with the overall premise of your post though. Women DO NOT process sexual attention the same way men do. Which is why the dredded "Dick Pic" is so horrifying to women compared to the much more acceptable "Boob Pic."

CommunityOk7466 · 2023-05-27T19:42:22+00:00

But of course if a man doesn't like being seen as a replaceable part in massive machine, that makes him a lazy, worthless incel with stunted development, and he should be treated as such. Not even worth the effort of letting him know what he's doing wrong🤷‍♂️

emoniria · 2023-05-27T22:14:25+00:00

we don’t like thirsty guys hence y we say guys r thirsty lol *the more you know

Dothefandango119 · 2023-05-28T08:29:00+00:00

Don’t care which gender gets more attention. Honestly I think men should start talking to women like men. Stop with the flattering and complimenting bullshit. It gets you nothing, but an “Aw thank you” We’re the reason so many women are narcissists who think they’re special. No one is. Good lord, this world is full of assholes who think they’re special. We live. We breed. We die. That is all. You want women to stop yapping about objectification and “creepy men” and “thirsty men” talk to them like they’re your fuckin brother.

hellyeah6996 · 2023-05-28T22:37:53+00:00

What about when women see a man they physically desire and they imagine themselves getting f-ed by that guy?

Is that somehow fine when women objectify desireable men? Or do women have no carnal desires?

PiscesPoet · 2023-05-29T09:57:38+00:00

Thank you!! Once you realize that most of the attention are from men who just want to take you on dates because they think it’ll make you want to sleep with them and then you see how a switch goes off in them once they realize you’re not going to. They don’t actually care about you.

Most of the attention is pretty fake and shallow. It’s focused on your looks and possibility for sex. They don’t even separate themselves from the dating pool even if they’re not looking to date. I’d hold my breath until the end of the first date, hoping that we could just have a conversation without him trying to take me home at the end of the night

The times i could tell a guy actually appreciated my mind (not just looks focused) stood out to me because it was so refreshing.

LowCreddit · 2023-05-26T19:43:39+00:00

You may think it's not special, but to an average man that sounds awesome. The 14 year old me would have loved women honking their horns at me. You have to understand that you sound like the computer programmers from 8 years ago who were complaining about all of the job offer spam for six figures. It may be annoying to them, but it would be the ultimate obliviousness if they were to lecture homeless men about it.

gymbronyc718 · 2023-05-26T18:19:02+00:00

So you are telling me you don't enjoy this?

Active-Razzmatazz-86 · 2023-05-26T22:13:21+00:00

Many women don't have any good trait in their character .You are underestimating this fact .That's the reason guys see them as good only for sec

pronouns-king-lord · 2023-05-26T22:32:21+00:00

Men in here are hopeless! They keep asking what women want in a relationship when women can't even decide where to eat.

Yes men want to fuck but we also massively lower our standards for sex. Women have massively inflated standard because they can't tell the different between men that wanna fuck and men that want relationships.

Women also like to be lust over by the top 5 percent of men(attractive, smart, charming, wealthy, etc). Women don't like to be lust over by fat video game nerds, because they are creepy.

iassureyouimreal · 2023-05-27T00:02:11+00:00

You’re correct

I_can_get_loud_too · 2023-05-27T16:13:10+00:00

This is all so true. I wish I had disposable income to give this a real award. I feel very seen and heard by this post. Thank you for speaking about the reality of life being a woman.

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