Women want men who are kind , Emotionally available , considerate but they will throw away all of that for a guy thats just tall , funny and good in bed

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-05-01T08:12:55+00:00

It’s weird this sub rediscovers everyday that people prefer people they’re sexually attracted to.

StaleSushiRolls · 2025-05-01T06:29:54+00:00

Why are we assuming that the tall, funny guy is never kind and emotionally available?

2025-05-01T06:55:18+00:00

Women in general want guys who are good looking and have qualities mentioned above. Sure - there are some outliers who like assholes, pervs, or are willing to cheat on their partner with better looking guy but it's not the norm. It's slightly different in chaotic societies where raw strength is needed for survival, but in developed world being violent is a feature of lowest status men.

harmonica2 · 2025-05-01T06:17:34+00:00

It seems that guys are guilty of the same thing as I see guys I know who will throw away emotionally available and kind for a woman who is better looking and a freak in the sheets.

So can guys really hold this against women when the same amount of men seem to do the same thing?

G4M35 · 2025-05-01T05:43:13+00:00

There's a discrepancy between what people say and what people do.

Henry Ford and Steve Jobs monetized on this, and it's a well-documented fact.

Forget what people say they'll do; observe their behavioral manifestations.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2025-05-01T06:50:04+00:00

A good sense of humor and great sex are extremely important too.

Women want both.

Do they ever say they don’t want these things??

AngeAware · 2025-05-01T06:06:34+00:00

I'm 26 and the majority of the emotionally available, considerate men in my circles are in happy relationships, if not straight-up married with kids. Reddit's assertions that these types of men are all sad and lonely because women are too busy having sex with assholes are quite baffling to me.

And before the people who don't understand how western courtship works start chiming in about biological clocks and settling or whatever, we generally date for a few years before marrying. Most of the couples I know got together in their early 20s or even teens in some cases.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-05-01T08:36:49+00:00

Some of you really are desperate for a girlfriend who's not that attracted to you.

OffTheRedSand · 2025-05-01T05:36:26+00:00

Both men and women cheat. Both men and women value looks above all and then comes the “she’s nice to me” “he’s considerate” and all that.

This isn’t gendered, but are you saying women reject men who they don’t find attractive but have qualities they want in a partner or are you saying women cheat on a partner with qualities she likes with a man she’s attracted to? Because these are very different scenarios. And most women and men aren’t cheaters.

So if it’s the latter scenario it’s mostly a personal Issue that the reasons for are gonna differ case by case, since it’s infidelity within a relationship

Most_Read_1330 · 2025-05-01T08:23:39+00:00

They are being honest. They want the tall/funny/goodbed guy to also be kind/emotionallyavailable/considerate, ideally. Ultimately they don't care.

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2025-05-01T06:43:53+00:00

No she'll just date a man who's all those things to begin with.

Those are actually pretty easy standards to meet.

lle-ell · 2025-05-01T09:23:50+00:00

I married a guy who is all of those things and I’m happy I didn’t settle for less

Training-Cook3507 · 2025-05-01T09:27:59+00:00

Some will simply throw it all away for a guy who's just tall.

AnonPinkLady · 2025-05-01T07:39:54+00:00

Jokes on you my man is all those things except tall and I’m extremely happy 🤷‍♀️. Also I find it hilarious when men on here complain about girls picking the “funny” guy like having a personality is an unreasonable expectation? I’m so sorry it’s so hard to learn a decent joke lol. All of my partners have been under 6 foot. Varying races, personalities, and yes quality in bed. This is the only partner I’ve had that consistently helps me finish during sex. I’d argue good sex may strengthen an otherwise great relationship but no one is choosing their partners solely on their sexual performance because by the time we sleep with you, we’re probably already into you at least somewhat lol.

Solondthewookiee · 2025-05-01T05:46:37+00:00

Every time men ask women what kind of man they want they will say , emotionally available , considerate , kind , one that listens to their feeling , pays attention to details

And yet they are willing to let go of those qualities for a good fuck and a good laugh but not the other way around

Why do you think these things are mutually exclusive?

Why can't they just be honest?

What you're actually asking is "why can't they just unquestioningly validate my worldview?"

KayRay1994 · 2025-05-01T07:50:08+00:00

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Open-Quail-2573 · 2025-05-01T05:46:54+00:00

This is totally true. I hear this sentiment so much online and yet reality contradicts it. I have a co-worker who's an incredible man in every way (he's fit and tall too) and yet he struggles a lot romantically. Yet the D1 athletes in my school never have issues. I don't like sounding like a redpiller but there is some truth to what they say.

Bitter_Rose2 · 2025-05-01T07:39:59+00:00

Ah yes, because tall funny men who are good in bed are automatically psychopaths, right?

RelevantJackWhite · 2025-05-01T05:50:26+00:00

be all of those things, problem solved

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Southern_Source_2580 · 2025-05-01T09:11:32+00:00

They tend to say they want those characteristics in a man but they want it in a guy who they consider a man tho. And then trying to tame the beast to be nice is much more of a thrill than them coming home to a genuinely kind man of the same looks genetics etc, he will look the part but doesn't play the part that allows her to feel (keyword feel) needed, so she basically gets bored with "nice guys" (aka genuinely kind guys who haven't gotten the memo that being kind with no fight in them 'toxicity' is what's losing her) because they don't turn them on "spiritually" via sex dynamic she has of the idealized man in her head.

In short be kind of an asshole and if you like her mentality enough, since physically we can assume you're physically attracted, then you can give her bits of kindness where she deserves it. Be playful be considerate, but don't be a simp and cry about the game by (God forbid) crying to her about it. They are the judges with Simon Cowell level of judgement and sometimes have audio tune voices so don't do it.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-05-01T11:39:32+00:00

And here we go again…as amazing as it is to have to say this:

Dear Men,

Any time a woman describes what she looks for in a “romantic partner”, there are certain baseline attributes that shouldn’t really need to be specified as prerequisites because the topic is ROMANTIC PARTNERS

Once and for all - women want a partner that we find physically attractive and we want to enjoy spending time with and having sex with that partner.

That’s the baseline (ya know - because we’re talking about a romantic partner…). If those things aren’t present, nothing else matters. Do we really need to specify that part every time???

When those things are present, we can consider other preferences and deal makers / breakers.

I’m truly baffled that this needs to be specified over and over and when we assume that those things should just be understood as requirements, we are accused of “lying”🤦‍♀️.

wtknight · 2025-05-01T13:13:01+00:00

Good women put off short term pleasure to find the men who will give them long-term benefits. Men should avoid the women who don’t in order to discourage such behaviors. Unfortunately, men’s own desire for short-term pleasure encourages too many women to behave like this.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2025-05-01T16:11:35+00:00

You can absolutely be a kind and emotionally intelligent dude and also be a badass who doesn’t tolerate bullshit from people and exudes masculinity

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2025-05-01T16:48:41+00:00

It's 100% reasonable to throw away a guy who sucks in bed. Why would I want to spend the rest of my life exclusively having terrible sex? If you're bad in bed you simply cannot date me!

Half the posts here are guys terrified of being settled for because they're "stable" but sexually dull. Now you're claiming this never happens, and women are evil for not doing it. Interesting.

DebateTraining2 · 2025-05-01T16:49:20+00:00

Women are truthful, they do want a considerate man. But well, we are talking about eros relationships, not platonic friendships, so the attractiveness filter should be implicit, it doesn't have to be spelled out. This post is just some nth reminder that dating problems are, at their core, social skills issues.

anon_enuf · 2025-05-01T17:31:22+00:00

Nah, they're not even interested in the first bit. They just want the toxic second list now

Itsthethrowaway2 · 2025-05-01T19:19:53+00:00

actually.. I wouldn’t settle for anyone who isn’t all of these things. I need kind, emotionally available, considerate, funny, good in bed and tall(er) than I am.

IcyTrapezium · 2025-05-05T04:50:15+00:00

Women want tall, good looking, emotionally available, considerate and kind men who are good in bed. The reason you see a disconnect in what some women say and what they do is the same reason I say I’m going to eat a kale salad for dinner and then order a pizza.

There is a difference in what we know would be good for us in our more reflective moments and what we crave when we are really hungry.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-05-01T08:48:54+00:00

Being good in bed is a choice and 100% has to do with how much you care about your partner’s feelings. Dick size has 0% to do with it.

Calm-Disaster438 · 2025-05-01T08:54:06+00:00

Yea no one said human nature was rational… it’s often more about genetic selection

kimkarbashian · 2025-05-01T10:59:08+00:00

Being kind and considerate isn't a complete personality. It's the very basic standard for human interaction. Why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn't make them laugh or orgasm or has nothing interesting to say?

GKilat · 2025-05-01T15:57:55+00:00

Would men choose the kind but average looking woman over the funny and sexy beauty that is good in bed? Questions like this can usually be answered by asking yourself as a man if you can honestly say you put more weight into the personality of a woman than her looks.

Just a reminder that there exists women who are rotten at their core and yet somehow still find men wanting her simply because she is hot. Should we generalize all men based on them?

Nidken · 2025-05-01T07:30:17+00:00

I disagree with the title. I think the specific problem is that women will say they want kind, emotionally available, and considerate men but they are attracted to incredibly powerful, dangerous and unkind men, as long as those dangerous men express kindness to them.

It's the whole Beauty and the Beast archetype that Twilight and 50 Shades are built upon. Women want their beauty to transform, suppress or "fix" the dangerous man into a quality man for them, but the prerequisite is that he has an obvious potential for evil. A man who expresses little capacity for incredible power or violence is considered overwhelmingly less attractive, especially in short-term mating.

This brings in question the whole idea of "does true virtue require the capacity for evil?" In this case, "can you actually be kind without being able to be a huge asshole?"

ThievingMagpie22 · 2025-05-01T07:34:00+00:00

You're asking to get angry responses, calling them either stupid or liars

Abject_Radio4179 · 2025-05-01T09:56:07+00:00

It’s the same for men’s preferences. They will gladly pass over a home maker looking for commitment for a hot babe that’s good in bed.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-05-01T10:03:56+00:00

And how many men are willing to date a woman who’s hot and good in bed but kind of a bitch, vs a woman who’s kind, considerate, emotionally available but not what they find attractive and low libido/starfish in bed?

Of course all guys want both, but I’d say far more are willing to settle for the first one if those are the only two options currently available. If a man is listing the qualities he wants in a woman, it’s just assumed he also wants to find her attractive. The fact that men act shocked and as if they’ve been lied to when women also want partners they find attractive, is so weird to me.

SayuriKitsune · 2025-05-01T06:50:01+00:00

I just seen this mechanic in younger or emotionally immature women, and even though, not often at all.

West_Diet_3729 · 2025-05-01T06:57:58+00:00

You would do the same thing provided you’re attracted to me stop with this nonsense .

AntelopeGlum754 · 2025-05-01T09:42:54+00:00

I feel like you’re a bit confused about what good sex actually is. I think if you’re young, like under 25, then that’s understandable, but as I said elsewhere here:

As far as I know these traits (empathy, kindness, etc) go hand in hand with how good you are in bed. Even “rough” sex usually has to be accompanied with a capacity for these traits, certainly if it has any presence in a lasting relationship.

By contrast, I’m not sure if you understand the traits themselves - if you are harbouring resentment and anger then this is (to me) an indication that you might lack the capacity of empathy and emotional availability etc.

I say this as a man in his 30s who is certainly not classically good looking, and yet I’ve had a few serious relationships and been around the block enough to know what people are like.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-05-01T11:34:07+00:00

Three things:

1) this isn’t gendered - men and women do this

2) emotionally available and good fuck are not mutually exclusive. Listening and a good laugh are not mutually exclusive. One person can be all those things

3) considerate and kind aren’t personalities. They’re like brakes on a car - factory settings. Not special - they’re an expectation and minimum requirement

Clownrisha · 2025-05-01T12:42:13+00:00

I'm going to say something about the whole "throwing that away for a good fuck," comment.

Most women aren't getting fucked good.

Imagine never having had had cake before. You've got the sweetest tooth imaginable but never heard of cake. The first time someone gives you some really really good cake you're gonna think of them pretty fondly right?

Now imagine how you would feel after years of having sex finally finding a man who can make you cum. Even if that man was a little strange, you're probably gonna look at him a little differently and probably more fondly. Especially if you have had lackluster sex with most other men.

You men will never know the pain of choosing a man who's nice to you or actually being sexually satisfied. I'm not excusing it, but I get why women will sometimes put up with nonsense because of it.

ThatGuyFromThisPlace · 2025-05-01T14:47:25+00:00

Is it so hard to understand that they want both?

I mean, I'm the same! A funny, supportive, good lucking woman that's super boring in bed? Probably won't last. A super sexy hot woman that is emotionally unavailable or abusive? Yeah, we can have sex, but I won't stay.

There is simply a whole list of characteristics that have to match for a real relationship to happen and last. I'll make concessions, nobody is perfect, of course. But overall, the whole picture kinda has to fit.

Fallen-Shadow-1214 · 2025-05-01T05:30:54+00:00

This is delusion.

petellapain · 2025-05-01T07:04:25+00:00

Dual mating strategy. She wants one for companionship, the other for sex. This is 2014 era redpill basics

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SurroundWide447 · 2025-05-01T11:30:06+00:00

JUST being kind and emotionally available is boring to a lot of women. That's the honest truth. You can be a nice guy and get women by being a bit challenging, outgoing, funny and teasing them a lot lol that's really all it takes.

If a guy is JUST nice, it is boring. And oftentimes it isn't authentic either, they're being nice because they want the woman to like them

onlyaseeker · 2025-05-01T12:47:54+00:00

why can't they just be honest?

HoeMath's content explores that.

Here are some videos that touch on that topic, but there will likely be other relevant videos as well:

The listed order of those is intentional, not random. Also, I don't like how he uses parentheses and brackets. It's messy. I digress.

Disclaimer for bad faith people: just because I share a resource does not mean that I (1) agree with everything the resource says, or (2) everything they share is objectively accurate, or that (3) I think it is objectively accurate.

This is not specifically an issue with women. All humans engage in a large amount of deception and self-deception. Because we are all human, it will manifest the same in some ways. But because men and women are different, it will also manifest differently in more specific ways for both men and women.

There is a book about this: Strangers to Ourselves: Understanding the Adaptive Unconscious by Timothy Wilson

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKuMaHOvHA4qnY7U--zFFo_Q-rbrziRny

You will find a lot of people in this subreddit and in society who:

do not think critically about or challenge their own beliefs, biases, and perceptions
do not use empathy or research to try to understand the experience of other people.
are only interested in sharing their existing beliefs and perspectives, and having that reinforced
are lost in the fog of their own cognitive biases and poor cognitive skills. A clouded mind sees nothing

Do not be like those people. Be better.

lord_andsavior · 2025-05-01T15:12:27+00:00

Women don't know what kind of men they want until they get them

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-05-01T15:14:05+00:00

A specific demographic of women do this, which they are a consumer of relationships instead of being an investor of a relationship. But most women are not like this.

Immediate-Machine-18 · 2025-05-01T15:56:29+00:00

Young women sure but older women not so much otherwise society would fall apart.

Miss_Acassia-9374 · 2025-05-01T16:02:06+00:00

Something you are not taking into consideration is that men AND women do this. Also folks don't realize that for those of us who want all of that but seem to "choose great sex over the rest" actually tie all of these great things together with great sex. It's all a complete package. Without all of it, it's incomplete.

And why is it such a bad and disappointing thing for a partner to want good sex? I mean, if it's sub par, we can do better with a little rechargeable fun.

Some of us want more than what we can get on our own. That doesn't seem like a big ask. I could be wrong. I'm sure plenty of folks who are happy with quantity versus quality will weigh in.

anewlookav · 2025-05-01T16:28:10+00:00

You'll go far with just good looks and knowing how to fuck.

You'll go farther with good looks, knowing how to fuck, and being kind and considerate.

Funny is a separate thing. Funny really helps in a completely different way. Funny and good looking? That'll get you the moon and the stars

Hi-Road · 2025-05-01T21:42:29+00:00

Most people are shallow as fuck, yes, men and women - I think women are more likely to cap about what they're looking for based on who they're talking to. Talking to my female friends about their dating standards when we first met is wayyyyy different than talking to them now

ExcelsiorState718 · 2025-05-01T22:03:10+00:00

Who cares

samanthaatheart · 2025-05-01T22:23:40+00:00

I want all of those things

OldPyjama · 2025-05-02T08:19:39+00:00

You can be tall and funny and still be kind and emotionally available.

And people need to stop thinking being tall means a ticket to endless sex. It makes it easier, but I can assure you, back when I was single, it's not like I was having a new fuck every week.

ThePrinceJays · 2025-05-06T22:35:43+00:00

One very simple thing people in this sub seem to look over is the very simple fact that women bond with men given they spend enough time with them.

Even if you’re a 5’6, mediocre, average man, with a 3-4 incher, as long as you’re in shape and slim, well groomed, with a good sense of fashion, charismatic, adventurous with a solid and stable income, and she has little sexual history with no red flags in terms of infidelity, you won’t have trouble keeping that woman if she’s bonded well enough with you.

Interesting_Ant9947 · 2025-05-08T00:51:46+00:00

They do want those qualities but they leave out that they only appreciate them in men they are already attracted to.

Original-Opening7306 · 2025-05-08T14:29:43+00:00

One piece of advice my Mum gave me was find a man who is kind. To quote her "everything else fades away; sex , looks, attraction, then you need someone who is kind" I ignored that advice and had a 5 year relationship with a man who was not kind . I paid more attention to kind men after that I fell head over heels with the sweetest sexiest guy Ive always been attracted to dark haired dark eyed rock star types with long hair, and that dress with individuality. Body type tall slim/skinny and good legs . This is the type I married we've been together 30 years. The advice my mother gave me served me well and I passed it on to my daughter. Her current partner is an absolute sweetheart and handsome too.

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-05-01T06:32:22+00:00

Ever heard of chemistry?

Can’t control it or predict it but it happens. And it’s not something you can know until you meet the person. That’s why dating apps are a waste of time

Odd-Talk-3981 · 2025-05-01T12:11:02+00:00

Seriously, can you stop spewing misogynistic stereotypes all the time? It's really exhausting. And then you dare to call this a "debate", wtf.

Women don't fucking have hive minds!

It's like saying: "Men pretend to be looking for love, but they're really just looking for hookups!"

Sure, it's true for some, but it's disingenuous to imply that it's an inherently male trait.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-01T14:35:36+00:00

Men want women who are kind, emotionally available, considerate but they will throw away all of that for a chick that’s just young, hot, and slutty

NoBlacksmith8137 · 2025-05-01T09:27:47+00:00

Some women will, some women won’t.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2025-05-01T09:56:33+00:00

The problem is, when a women is with a hot, unemotional man, people here say, "look, this proves us right". There are plenty of examples of the opposite, they just get explained away with,"settling/AFBB...". No evidence would convince you otherwise, because any examples gets twisted to fit the pill narrative.

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-05-01T12:50:25+00:00

You can find someone kind, emotionally available and considerate.... AND attractive funny and good in bed.

Like none of these traits are one or the other. Ideally you find a partner that has a majority of these traits. That's why they are your partner.

A lot of the time emotionally available/considerate take time to find out. When you first meet a guy he can say I'm emotionally available. He can ACT emotionally available after a few months he actually isn't. Same thing with kindness and consideration. It can be faked for a short period of time like the 4 to 6 weeks of dating and talking and then they switch up. (That's usually what women are complaining about)

But no I don't think women are lying about what they desire and every woman's desire and what they find desirable varies.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-05-01T14:27:02+00:00

Yeah, and plenty of men will throw away a good woman for one who is younger and hotter. What’s your point?

Vikklee · 2025-05-01T14:30:55+00:00

This isn’t a debate. You saw one or maybe even TWO women do this (or some TikTok or street interview) where this is true and ran with it. There’s no way you can logically think that all women, or even the majority, would do this. How stupid and shallow do you think women are?

NeoKlang · 2025-05-01T05:59:08+00:00

although it is true, however these women aren't worth it so be grateful

Think_Reporter_8179 · 2025-05-01T13:10:11+00:00

Most guys that are tall, funny and good in bed are also emotionally available and considerate -- because they're tall. Tall dudes don't take shit from people and people can't give shit to them, so they're typically more stable. Sorry shorties, I said what I said.

propagandu · 2025-05-03T19:41:43+00:00

Yes because natural hardwiring trumps trained behaviour

katsnushi · 2025-05-05T07:35:44+00:00

My husband is all those things—never give up on holding out for the total package

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