What are your thoughts on changing your name after marriage?

extraodi · 2021-12-06T21:28:51+00:00

I love my surname. Unless my future husband’s name is as glamorous sounding as mine I probably won’t change it.

ariesgalxo · 2021-12-06T23:43:04+00:00

I’m going to medical school next year, so I’ll be Dr. Mylastname because I’m the one that invested years into my education, and I like my last name. If I ever had a kid they can have both last names maybe.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-12-06T21:34:02+00:00

This practice is so archaic and obsolete, it should cease to exist.

subgirlygirl · 2021-12-06T20:33:22+00:00

I did, and I wish I hadn't. When I divorced him, that was the first thing out of my mouth when meeting with my lawyer. Seriously, unless your maiden name is Assmunch or his is Rockefeller, don't do it. It's you. Don't give up you.

onceuponasea · 2021-12-06T20:33:45+00:00

My mom kept her maiden name. Queen she is.

chickenery · 2021-12-06T21:43:04+00:00

Nope. I’m a working professional. My degrees and accomplishments are under MY last name. I have a colleague who is in the process of changing her name to her husband’s and it’s been nothing but a hassle for her. No thanks.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-12-06T21:25:48+00:00

No. Not happening.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-12-06T20:34:31+00:00

Something in her subconscious knows he's not worth the mountain of paperwork involved with changing her name.

Madholley · 2021-12-06T20:21:12+00:00

I think she is confused about the meaning of "FOR SURE." I wonder if she is as SURE about marrying him as she is about changing her name (ie, not SURE at all.)

ChgItToRayGunYouFuck · 2021-12-06T20:50:29+00:00

I won't.

I heard of a couple who combined their last names into a new last name. I thought the idea was pretty neat and represented a new chapter of both of your lives, equally. Both parties have to change their last names.

buttercupcake23 · 2021-12-07T00:29:31+00:00

Don't do it unless there's material benefit in it for you, because there are a ton of downsides. Then if you divorce you have to change back.

But even if you want to for the sake of being a family with the same name, I would hyphenate and expect him to do the same. There is zero reason for it to be the man to keep his name and the woman to lose hers. Form a new family by joining them.

Auzurabla · 2021-12-06T21:47:33+00:00

I went through the exact same thing when I got married. And decided not to change my name. My fiance couldn't have cared less. My kids know I'm their mom. I answer to "Mrs. (husband's last name)" without a peep, but on paper I am legally the same name I've been my whole life.

lansburysoda · 2021-12-06T21:05:39+00:00

I won’t change my last name. I’m no one’s property.

vforvendetta87 · 2021-12-06T20:34:45+00:00

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letsberealforamoment · 2021-12-07T00:22:10+00:00

I've been married twice, and divorced twice, and i never changed my last name. It never came up in discussion between myself and my exhusbands. The ONLY persons that asked me if i was gonna to change my last name were my.......aMOTHER IN LAWS. My first mother in law would always address cards to Mr. and Mrs. LVMslastname. Bah!

My parents raised me. I figure they should get the credit, or shame, for it.

Although now that I'm fairly prominent in my field, i may change my last name to regain anonymity when i decide to change my career trajectory

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-12-06T20:30:45+00:00

It’s a relic of patriarchy, a woman is not the possession of a man anymore.

It’s only in Anglo Saxon cultures btw, many other cultures have never done this.

grmpygills · 2021-12-06T22:24:29+00:00

Nope. Never changing it. Ever. My last name is part of me. As an adoptee, I don’t need another name change. I don’t need to be “absorbed” yet again by someone else. I am me.

throwtrappedinthis · 2021-12-07T00:44:35+00:00

No. In my culture, it doesn't happen anyway. I never understood why this is even still a thing. Its stupid

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2021-12-06T21:04:14+00:00

Grateful to live in a country (not saying which) where it's customary for women to keep their own name even after marriage. It's wild to me how in supposedly more "progressive" countries women are fully expected to give up their legal identity.

discoveringliberty · 2021-12-06T21:28:03+00:00

I will not be changing my name, and my children will be getting my last name. Changing your last name gives the impression that the man is more important, you are literally changing your identity for him.

kycake · 2021-12-07T02:59:14+00:00

always though it was obnoxious how normalized this practice still is. originally women were literally slaves that males owned so a father would name his kids and give away his daughters, that’s when the daughter would become her husbands property instead of her fathers. so she’d change the last name to her husbands.

no way will i ever take someone else’s last name. also my kids will only have my last name. i won’t even hyphenate it.

IDontAgreeSorry · 2021-12-06T21:42:34+00:00

If I ever get married I won’t change my last name lmfao. Why the hell would I want to change my last name (and I really love mine) to the last name of a man that probably won’t even sound half as cool as mine lol what am I property? Hell nah.

Thereismorethanthis · 2021-12-06T23:39:14+00:00

I changed mine, but I dropped my middle name and now use both my maiden name and his last name together. Honestly I wouldn’t have changed it at all if I weren’t married to a public figure. His name gets me out of tickets so 🤷🏻‍♀️ but yeah, I definitely cling a bit to my maiden name. It’s a good name, and it’s been my identity my entire life.

Throwaway__FDS · 2021-12-06T23:48:56+00:00

I’m not doing it. I have a unique last name to my family and will be graduating with my bachelor’s degree under MY last name. I couldn’t bear to change my cool and unique last name to something like Smith or Jones.

OneOnionBhaji · 2021-12-06T21:25:33+00:00

I've had way too many bureaucratic hassles as a result of using a middle name as a first name (and being named after my mum) to even consider it. Any man who'd chuck a tanty over it is not for me!

Also, I hate the whole "your original name is a patriarch's anyway" argument! It's my bloody name!

redpeithos · 2021-12-07T00:20:22+00:00

Nope, nuh-uh, not happening. I am who I am and I am not changing my last name for someone else.

Platipus6 · 2021-12-06T21:26:44+00:00

I'd have him change his name to mine.

Also our first daughter inherits everything from both sides of our families.

Also he looks after all 4 grandparents in their old age.

You know, just like what men expected, without discussion, for thousands of years.

_laufaeson · 2021-12-07T00:00:42+00:00

I didn’t. Seeing as I got a divorce I’m glad I didn’t. Doubt I will if I ever get married again.

EurasianEmpress · 2021-12-07T00:17:48+00:00

I changed my last name earlier this year (not married) to one that can also be used as a woman’s first name. I didn’t want my last name to come from any man, not even my father.

It sounded almost odd at first, but I’ve gotten used to it by now, especially since I’ve had new accomplishments under this name. I’m also surrounded with many people with “unconventional” names, too, so I don’t feel out of place, either.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-12-07T02:43:47+00:00

Honestly? Independent of relying on a man, it’s a MASSIVE PITA no woman should bother with. Not just the name change, but loads of legal crap later. Want to register to vote in a new state? Bring your ID, your birth certificate, your social security card, your marriage certificate - good luck. Lose your birth certificate and live in a different state? Get ready to travel with those documents to obtain one. Often can’t be done by mail if your name on your bc doesn’t match your state ID. Ironically, the only thing that isn’t a PITA is a passport, because the feds are capable of searching state databases. But the same state will insist on documents. It’s complete and UTTER bullshit. God forbid you should remarry without changing your name back to maiden. Then you get to bring two marriage decrees and a divorce decree along with everything else. As I said, it’s BULLSHIT. And nobody needs you to match spouse or kids. Plenty of divorced moms who don’t match their kids, never matters anyway (all personal experience).

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-06T23:04:40+00:00

I did the first time, part of the Good Wife archetype, but since I then realized he was a LVM, and I soon wanted to divorce, I changed back to my maiden name. He never even noticed, even when I wrote him a check AND mail in my family name arrived! So clueless, so oblivious.

Second time around, I was a little older, late 20s, and HVM late second husband did not care at all, and in fact saw the efficiency in keeping my family name. He understood all the paperwork involved in a name change, and said if it's easier for you, don't change it, keep your own name. You do what pleases you; that's what pleases me. Just one of the 11 billion things I loved about him.

It's long lost to history but I wrote a poem about this very thing, where I said I'm not Mrs. SomeoneElse, I'm always Ms. Me. It is totally valid to want to keep your own identity. It may be a patronym, but it's YOUR patronym, your family, your history, and changing is a bit pricey and just time-consuming. Here's one vote for not bothering.

catsuramen · 2021-12-07T00:37:51+00:00

In my culture, women don't change their last names. I'm quite glad that is the case

SwampDwellingPirate · 2021-12-07T01:15:46+00:00

No fucking way. I would never change my last name. It's not really that common in my country anymore, usually people keep their maiden names or hyphenate it.

And it not even just about the loss of identity and sexism of it all. I can't imagine the stress of having to change all of my documents, registries, validating my degrees and all of that. And also, always having to carry a marriage certificate to prove you are who you say you are... Coming from aa EXTREMELY bureaucratic country, few things would stress me out more than that.

And imagine you get a divorce?? Changing it all back?? And if you have kids they'll have to change their stuff too. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and in all of my documents my mom's name is still her married name. And I honestly have no idea if this will ever be a legal problem for me.

Chillody · 2021-12-07T01:48:35+00:00

I decided a long time ago that I'm not gonna change my last name. I used to cringe at what my new name could be if I were to marry whatever scrote I was talking to at the time. It never felt right, so I'm sticking with mine.

Eli1984 · 2021-12-07T06:57:12+00:00

I'm getting married in 4 month,I'm keeping my last name and my future husband is taking mine. Why?

Why not!

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-06T22:24:33+00:00

I never changed my name and I'm so happy I didn't. The only thing I regret is giving my kids his last name. I did all the work!

night_glitter · 2021-12-06T21:42:51+00:00

I think you should if you want to. And he can change his if he wants to, but he shouldn’t be butthurt if you don’t want to change yours. I chose to change mine, because my maiden name was my father’s last name, and he abused me, so it never felt like “mine,” and at the time, it was just easier. After I got divorced, I decided not to go back to my abuser’s name but to choose a new one, from my mother’s side of the family. If someone told me I was doing something wrong by shedding the name of a man who beat me for 15 years and choosing my husband’s name to be mine, I’d tell them to shove it. Not every woman feels like their maiden name (and it’s usually her father’s name - so that’s just another man’s name!) is part of her identity, and that’s ok too.

Peak_Tree · 2021-12-07T00:41:39+00:00

This is not a thing in my corner of the world and I find it unfathonable that women in more advanced countries do this. I don't share a surname with my mom and it has not affected our relationship AT ALL.

And tbh...to me same last name= blood family. Me having the same name with my husband would make me feel like I'm marrying my sibling.

donttextme_k · 2021-12-07T01:01:09+00:00

I never understand the western culture of changing last names after marriage

swivelfishbowl · 2021-12-06T20:46:18+00:00

I only did it because my husband's last name is far preferable. It is a ton of paperwork, time and money. I still need to update my cell provider and change my passport, and it's been over 2 years. So over it!

ErikaNaumann · 2021-12-07T01:38:11+00:00

Why would I?

In my country we have both mother and father families' name in our name. It basically tells other people who my parents are. So why would I insert my potential husband name at the end? It makes no sense to me.

plomerst · 2021-12-07T01:43:21+00:00

In my country of origin, women do not change their last name up on marriage, therefore I do not plan to either

rainbowshummingbird · 2021-12-07T01:55:55+00:00

Nope, not changing my name. I already have a name.

PicoPicoMio · 2021-12-07T07:13:17+00:00

I felt the identity crisis and opted to keep my maiden name, and boy all these years later I’m grateful that I did.

Erocitnam · 2021-12-07T07:47:16+00:00

I want my bf to take my last name tbh

PasDeTout · 2021-12-07T13:23:22+00:00

My name is the one thing that I own absolutely, which I’ve had my whole life, and which no one can mess with. I’m keeping it.

hexriot2001 · 2021-12-07T13:54:35+00:00

i always think of how Diana Ross never changed her name (she married a couple times) and all her children have her last name. Only one of her sons doesn't have her lastname but his first name is Ross lol. She is a queen

Alpha_uterus · 2021-12-06T22:55:25+00:00

Kept it. Was not about to change my lovely Celtic surname for 'smith'. Saved me time when we got divorced too lol.

2021-12-07T00:18:27+00:00

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zombiessalad · 2021-12-06T21:40:39+00:00

If I get married one day my children will have my name, I want my family line to be carried on that way. I grew it I keep it LOL. If my husband in the situation wanted to keep my name he could, but he wants to keep his thats also fine. But if he has a cooler last name than mine I may reconsider the whole thing merely for aesthetics lol

2021-12-07T00:00:08+00:00

I didn’t change my last name, but our future children will have my last name and then his last name, in that order, no hyphen. We think for simplicity we will have only his last name as the official last name, and mine as a middle name type thing. But we’re still not sure.

miloba_ · 2021-12-07T04:24:00+00:00

I’ve always liked my name because both my first and last name (as well as my appearance) give zero insight into my racial or ethnic background.

Everyone I’ve dated has not had a surname where that was also the case.

I’m keeping it. My accomplishments and career have been built off of my name, so why change it to someone else’s?

Angeli_33 · 2021-12-07T05:54:56+00:00

I am not changing my name ever.

dkwantsdk · 2021-12-07T07:07:24+00:00

I kept my name and I am so grateful everyday that I did. I only wish I gave my children my last name too.

tldrjane · 2021-12-07T12:32:57+00:00

A lot of these comments proclaim they’re keeping their own name bc of not wanting to change themself for a man… but have their father’s last names…? It’s common in the US for children to take their dad’s last name. I still have my maiden name legally bc the social security offices were closed for so long… I was going to now I just don’t care. His names prettier and way less common than mine.

Socially and professionally I use his last name. Legally I still have my dad’s last name.

daggerite · 2021-12-07T13:41:28+00:00

I already told him I'm not changing my last name and he's okay with it. I would compromise on hyphenating kids last names with him, but we're still on the fence about having them in the first place

Ms_Auricchio · 2021-12-07T13:47:20+00:00

Glad that my country is progressive for once and women don't take their husbands name and never did. It's a barbaric practice.

GlitteryMoss · 2021-12-07T14:49:19+00:00

I come from a culture where this is not done and I find it terribly sexist!!! Why does a woman have to give up part of her identity just because she gets married? It makes no sense to me.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-12-06T23:34:08+00:00

I’ll be changing mine because I’m estranged from my dad’s entire side of the family, so I haven’t spoken to anyone with my last name in years.

I want a family and I like the idea of us all sharing a name. My children deserve a last name that has its roots in love. I’m sure they’ll accomplish great things (even if they’re just alive and happy I’d be proud) and my estranged family does not deserve any credit for anything they do. It would be nice to have my last name be something meaningful that connects me to my family.

Even still…. I am a little sad about the idea of changing my last name! I like the sound of it. You immediately know where my family is from when you hear the name so I like that it connects me to my heritage. Like it or not, your last name is a part of your identity. There’s always going to be a sense of loss (could be very small, or huge, depends on the person) when you change it.

sassyheather · 2021-12-06T22:20:15+00:00

I don’t mind changing my last name, because IF I do it, it will be for a man who’s worth it and a family that I’d be happy to be part of. And my boyfriend carries his mother’s last name and I’d love to be carrying it as well some day.

miwamus · 2021-12-06T21:37:48+00:00

I didn't, and it's the way it should be in my opinion.

snowwhite224 · 2021-12-06T22:48:44+00:00

I’m never changing my name. I’ve had my name for this many years, why go through all that paperwork and he has to do none? Just another hassle women have to deal with.

Now, I do know a woman who, when her and her husband got married they combined their last names. That would be the only way I would do it. If HE changes his also.

Audderpop270 · 2021-12-07T03:04:32+00:00

Didn't change mine and I never will!

Smolfrend · 2021-12-07T03:51:16+00:00

It feels patriarchal but despite that my feelings about this are neutral. I think it should boil down to if changing your name will affect your life in adverse or even mildly annoying ways. So, I would say women working in fields where your name is attached to what you do, for example publishing in academia, it's probably best to keep your name consistent and traceable back to you.

nurulfakasha · 2021-12-07T08:12:35+00:00

Thank God this is not a requirement in my culture. I take my dad's name.

afrodeasyak · 2021-12-07T08:23:30+00:00

I'm from a country where doing so is literally unheard of. Honestly, it's very degrading to do so, I'm not a property that was acquired by my husband to have my last name changed, it's also borderline disrespectful to my family that I'm very proud of, even if I didn't get to choose them or the generational trauma that they involuntary passed on to me.

yourealibra · 2021-12-07T10:29:47+00:00

Don’t do it. A man is not your identity.

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-07T11:01:36+00:00

I'm Chinese. We don't do that here.

thediverswife · 2021-12-07T13:04:41+00:00

It’s not for me.

iamNaN_AMA · 2021-12-07T13:12:33+00:00

Imo, no self respecting person should change their last name to match someone else's - unless they BOTH pick a new last name if they want to be a unified family in that way. I honestly want to change my last name to something new for various reasons, but my current last name is so searchable it makes me hesitant to give it up. I'm seriously one of only ~5 people in the USA with my name, and my first name is extremely common (think Sarah). But the word itself sounds gross and I have no attachment to the family heritage behind it.

tiedyetoothpicks · 2021-12-07T15:25:27+00:00

The only way I would ever change my last name is if my partner and I were BOTH changing our names to something we chose together. If a guy wasn't willing to do that, but wanted me to change my last name that would be a complete dealbreaker.

oscine23 · 2021-12-07T16:57:17+00:00

I didn’t do it. I’m me and have been me since my mama busted her ass to bring me into this world. I refused to change my name. For me, it felt like changing my identity and I was not okay with it. My now ex did not care at the time, and it would certainly have been a dealbreaker because it would have signaled to me what type of man he was. I’ve worked hard to be THIS woman, and I’m proud of it and will never take any man’s name over mine.

quirkypinkllama · 2021-12-07T17:16:34+00:00

I don't think I'll ever change my last name. I've been me and he is he.

even_thriller · 2021-12-07T20:28:50+00:00

More than likely no. I'm in an interracial relationship and part of me also feels weird taking my boyfriends last name when we get married? I also just like my last name.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-12-08T04:36:34+00:00

On my honeymoon, an elderly married couple on the plane congratulated us. She said that her one and only regret in her marriage was that she shouldn’t have ever changed her name. She felt like she’d “lost part of her identity.” Forty plus years later and she had never gotten it back. 😩

queeninprogress · 2021-12-09T01:59:32+00:00

If I ever marry I will be keeping my name. My mum kept hers. My only regret is that my last name still comes from my father and I'm too used to it to bother changing it (plus it's what's on all my legal documents). I would consider a double-barrelled surname maybe, but definitely not giving it up

revengeofgivingtree · 2021-12-06T22:17:45+00:00

I like hyphenating

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-06T22:56:31+00:00

Nope!

I want to take both our names and combine them lol. If we can't do that then I'm keeping my last name.

My sister did the hyphen thing and was still broken up about changing it and the dude still turned out to be trash!!

PossibleCook · 2021-12-06T23:45:12+00:00

I honestly wouldn’t mind changing my last name if I had a bland one; like smith (no offense to any smiths out there). But I already have two last names (in my country we hyphenate) and they’re both really pretty so I’m keeping both and there’s no way I’m tacking on a third one!

scooter_se · 2021-12-06T22:38:14+00:00

I’m not planning on kids, so I want to keep my last name. It’s a good strong name you know?

23eggz · 2021-12-07T01:10:50+00:00

I wouldn't, my research is published under my name and I dont want the extra paperwork of convincing every account I have that I'm not committing identity fraud on myself.

If he wants us to have the same family name, he can take mine

nebsemi · 2021-12-07T01:34:06+00:00

I'm Muslim, so I'm keeping my maiden name.

mypetchickens · 2021-12-07T06:00:33+00:00

I'll change my last name. I just don't like my last name rn. But I will only do it if this man has a cool/decent sounding last name. If its something bad, I want to make up a new last name that we both share.

For me, its important for me to share my last name with my children.

lolmemberberries · 2021-12-06T23:03:07+00:00

I like my name the way it is. I won't change it.

LilyFuckingBart · 2021-12-07T07:54:41+00:00

It’s six of one, half a dozen of the other to me. Either way, in the US it’s usually a man’s name (either husband’s or father’s).

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-12-07T09:23:20+00:00

Not only am I not changing it but also our children are getting my name.

BasieSkanks · 2021-12-07T09:27:36+00:00

I plan on keeping my last name. My name is my own and I like it.

DumpsterWitchy · 2021-12-07T10:38:35+00:00

I mean, I don't plan on ever marrying. And if I did, I would never change my last name. He can change to mine or we both keep ours. My last name is part of my identity and I have no plans on loosing it.

Ahollowbullet-yet · 2021-12-07T12:51:34+00:00

I think I'm going to hyphenate and he is going to hyphenate too. It's either that or I keep mine.

My entire life people have mispronounced it. I didn't spend all my life correcting people for it to not be part of my name when I hopefully get a PhD.

Vaahla · 2021-12-07T12:57:42+00:00

I would, but I’d also change my name randomly if I had a good idea.

I dislike my last name, it’s annoying, hard to spell, and ties me to a bunch of alcoholics I haven’t seen or spoken to in like a decade+.

ztherobot · 2021-12-07T19:59:52+00:00

His last name is way cooler than mine, so I moved my last name to middle name. Though it's such a pain in the ass to change everything.

KiwiTigerLoon · 2021-12-07T20:23:32+00:00

I know this is not quite FDS-y—-but I can’t wait to get rid of it. My father was really abusive to me and my brother growing up and I hate that I bear his name. His entire family has been so toxic and hurtful for DECADES to my sweet mom and I hate that I am in any way associated with it. Less importantly, it also happens to be 11 letters long and I swear I’ve collectively wasted weeks of my life spelling it for customer service rep or explaining the pronunciation or just having to laugh off being made a punchline for those who wouldn’t even try.

I hope that makes sense—it’s not that I want to lose my entire identity to my partner. It’s a part of my past I want to shed and marriage is a natural point in life to make that change. If I find someone I love and their name is easier to spell (half-kidding) I’ll take it, but given the quality of men out here, I’ve been thinking more and more of taking my mom’s maiden name when I turn 35 in a couple years.

lvioletsnow · 2021-12-07T21:45:25+00:00

Nope. I'd consider a legal alias, however.

radfem_babe · 2021-12-08T01:51:04+00:00

Not going to happen. My first name and last name go together like chocolate and peanutbutter.

poison_snacc · 2021-12-07T05:20:23+00:00

I would only do it if I loved his last name. It’s going to be my goddamn name after all, I’m going to choose it for myself. If I love his last name, hell, I’m stealing it. My name combined with my ex’s surname had a nice ring to it, perfect number of syllables, so I knew that if I married him I’d take his name. Other men id prefer to marry over him have ugly last names which id absolutely never take. If I had a last name I actually liked, and he liked it too, I just might ask him to take my last name instead. It’s not very common but it’s done from time to time. Unfortunately my name doesn’t really apply to that situation…

Which brings me to my next point: for fuck’s sake, if you’re gonna have kids, please don’t take his name and add it to your last name with a hyphen in the middle. My mother did that… she has a bizarre name as well, totally unspellable and it was the absolute worst having it tacked onto even another name. Totally unsexy and definitely had other kids (and even teachers at school) pick on me for it. I always felt like if she had really wanted to she could have just kept her name, because the only reason she did it. Why add his? Oh, because he pressured her into taking it. It’s weird and pointless, no benefit for her.

Guess the only person in my family who doesn’t have a hyphenated name? My father. Yep, the scrote just kept his name the same. Clownfuckery.

shadowlillium · 2021-12-12T06:30:03+00:00

Come from Spanish background that doesn’t do name changes, and I have a book with my name on it. I wouldn’t mind informally using hubbys last name but legally? Nawwwh.

Title	What are your thoughts on changing your name after marriage?
Author	Charlo4
Upvotes	715
Comments	153
Date	December 6, 2021 8:19 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ragns0/what_are_your_thoughts_on_changing_your_name/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-are-your-thoughts-on-changing-your-name-after.1088294 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088294

Comments

No. Not happening.