Do you think that men actually want to have children?

attendquoi · 2024-07-24T19:47:25+00:00

I think some men want kids but have no interest in being parents. That's the "legacy" trend (even though they never have a legacy worth carrying on).

But I know a few guys my age who are fantastic, involved fathers and don't view their paycheck as the best way to be a father. Those men are impressive.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2024-07-24T19:46:36+00:00

I'd say most spend their 20's with some vague desire for children at some point, then get to their mid 30's and feel like it's the expected thing to do. I don't think most people have a strong desire.

MyLastBestChance · 2024-07-25T00:11:08+00:00

Many men want to have children. They like the idea of having children. They want to play catch in the backyard with their athletically gifted sons and receive kisses and adoration from their cute as a button “daddy’s girl”.

They do not necessarily want to take an active or primary role in the non-fun parts of parenting.

Many probably don’t even consider those parts.

The screaming tantrums, the siblings bickering, the whining, the stomach flu and croup and pediatrician appointments, much less knowing when those appointments need to happen, scheduling them, juggling 2,3,4 cranky kids in the tiny exam room for an hour waiting for the pediatrician to actually make an appearance.

They don’t want to change all of the bedding at 2:00 am because the bed wetting issue isn’t really getting better. They don’t want to worry about it not getting better and what that means and who to ask and at what point.

They don’t actually want to remember to sign permission slips and make sure they get handed in on time and make sure that the child has the allowed amount of spending money for the zoo gift shop and make sure that the appropriate lunch and drink and snacks are packed and sent that day and sunscreen is applied , make sure that gym clothes are clean and in backpacks, homework is done (and actually brought to school). Know when summer camp signups are and who to call to try to get the child in a group with at least one friend because they’re shy and need the safety net.

They don’t want to say no 100 times a day and be hated for it, however temporarily.

They don’t want to know teachers names, be on call trees, negotiate birthday parties, making sure birthday gifts are purchased, wrapped, kids make cards to go with them and then make small talk with other parents at the party venue for 2 1/2 endless hours while juggling a screaming baby who really needs a nap NOW and a toddler that really wants to play with the big kids while the 7 year old who is the one invited to the birthday party has a meltdown because deciding which prize to trade the game tickets in for is very stressful and they didn’t get the piece of cake with the blue flower and they are so overstimulated that the world is too much for them.

They don’t want to thread the needle of showing trust and also monitoring social media and online interactions.

So yeah, men want kids. Heck if I was a man I’d want a lot of kids too, playing catch in the backyard and being adored as the fun one sounds like a blast…

GridReXX · 2024-07-24T20:28:29+00:00

I do think a lot of men seem to want "kids" because "my legacy" but don't seem to desire being an active daily maintenance parent. They're hoping the mother handles that part.

SillyMushroomTip · 2024-07-24T19:55:55+00:00

I wanted kids and marriage when I was younger in my late teens (circa 2007) to early twenties, now that Im in my 30s Im not interested in either. Mostly because of the nonstop horror stories I hear with bitter baby mamas or ex wifes but mostly because my heart has been broken more than once.

We are nothing more than sand in the hour glass

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-07-24T19:39:16+00:00

Guy here. I wanted kids. Got 2. Life is good

2024-07-24T20:13:14+00:00

In the past probably men wanted a legacy or to just do what is expected, but in modern times men i know seem to enjoy having children and taking care of them. I like spending time with my son, i was waking up to feed him, i was changing his diapers and i've been making him bath since my wife was too afraid.when he was a newborn. Sometimes it's hard but i pretty much enjoy raising him - much more than work or hobbies, idk it's sort of fulfilling my emotional need of taking care of someone. He was a missing part of my life.

rubbergloves44 · 2024-07-24T21:01:42+00:00

I think it sounds nice to say ‘I want to have children’ but to contribute as a parent, and actually take care of a baby is a completely different experience

Just_Another_Cog1 · 2024-07-24T20:02:35+00:00

I wanted kids. So did she. We had kids. We don't regret it.

Personally, I think it's kinda weird that people obsess about this stuff. Want kids or don't, with a partner or without, and have a big or small family, whatever you want from life. There's no wrong answer here.

. . . actually . . . and because I'm a political junky who spends way too much time following what right wing ideologues have been saying over the past few years . . .

I'm starting to wonder about the larger "rhetoric" or "narratives" we tell ourselves. Like, when someone like Tucker Carlson whines on national television about declining birth rates, it makes me wonder who exactly stands to benefit from society buying into that narrative. Because that's the thing about capitalism: it's no more or less efficient than is necessary for the a--holes at the top to make more money.

And if that means "We need more babies because we need a big workforce so we can keep that line going up" . . . ? then that's the story they're going to push.

Just be aware of who's feeding you the story and ask yourself, ". . . but why?"

Novel-Tip-7570 · 2024-07-25T02:08:37+00:00

In all couples I know, the woman is pushing for kids while the man is ambivalent. This is the opposite of what you hear on Reddit which makes.me wonder if redditors live in a bubble.

starksoph · 2024-07-24T19:48:01+00:00

I think it depends on the person. I think the majority of people, men and women, want kids though

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-07-25T01:59:30+00:00

I’d say for most men, it’s more than just wanting a “legacy,” but they also do not want to be the primary or equal caregiver. They want to “have a family” and enjoy having the kids around… when it’s fun. But the mom will almost always get stuck with most of the work of parenting, and most men don’t pursue primary or equal custody. Of course there are exceptions on both ends of the spectrum, some guys don’t care to have kids at all, and some truly want to be involved parents. But I’d say most fall somewhere in the middle and want kids, but only because they know they won’t have to do most of the work.

maryseddit · 2024-07-25T10:06:29+00:00

They may want children, but they don't want to do the endless, Sisyphean labour last about 18-20 years of bringing the kids up, that they expect women to do. Which is why you see so many single mothers but few single fathers. And hence our whole social construct that women must naturally "crave" kids and that we are empty if we're not mothers - no it's just something drummed into us from a young age

harmonica2 · 2024-07-24T19:42:02+00:00

According to previous statements on here, guys say they want children more than women do.

Feisty_Response_9401 · 2024-07-24T20:20:14+00:00

Just as women, men way or may not want children, but there is a key difference: Most Men don't really have strong opinions about it.

Why? I guess it is because women romanticize parenthood more than men, men have more time than women, and men have no risks in pregnancy as women.

HappyCat79 · 2024-07-24T22:41:33+00:00

My ex really wanted a baby when we had the last set of twins, but he didn’t want to have anything to do with taking care of them. It was all about the legacy for him. Now that we are not together anymore, he has to take care of them when they’re with him.

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2024-07-25T01:58:58+00:00

They want US [women] to have kids they just want the feeling of having kids but don’t care for the caretaking part

2024-07-25T11:06:27+00:00

No, children are smelly, noisy, uncoordinated nuisances that are a perpetual time and money suck.

GrandRub · 2024-07-24T20:24:29+00:00

for most people its just "what everyone is doing". its the norm. the default life script - and most people just follow that.

they dont realy ask themselves if they WANT it.

men and women the same.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2024-07-24T20:21:28+00:00

Many want "heirs" to pop into existence while women busy themselves dealing with them.

flipsidetroll · 2024-07-24T20:17:16+00:00

How can I debate this as a woman? I’m not a man. I know what I see in real life is a combination of some men wanting and having and some men not wanting. But I would never tell a man that his feelings about whether he wants children, are wrong. So I think this should be a discussion or a question for men.

Hot_Lack_4868 · 2024-07-25T05:56:02+00:00

According to recent studies men want children more than women and it makes sense .We aren't the one who will go through pregnancy and legacy matters to a great number of men no matter what redditors say otherwise

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2024-07-24T20:28:20+00:00

I definitely want to be a dad one day; thinking 2-3 children. Kids are so much fun!

They don't take parental leave, they don't take primary parent role

This is an example of how patriarchy often harms men. In most places, paternity leave straight up isn't a thing, because it's assumed that men don't need/want time to enjoy one of the greatest gifts that life has to offer. But if you ask any father: "Would you rather work overtime at the office, or go home and play with your kids?" nearly all of them are going to choose the latter. A lot of men would be more comfortable showing tenderness and vulnerability if people (both men and women) took a more relaxed view about gender roles.

CloudsTasteGeometric · 2024-07-25T18:12:09+00:00

Many men who want to "have kids" mean just that.

They want to have kids.

They don't want to necessarily raise them. Or at least not put in the effort past the point of where it inconveniences them. Sure they want to play with kids, maybe grill them up some dinner, play catch, read them some books. For an hour or two after work a couple times per week. But they don't want to do the full time grunt work of being a parent. They're raised to believe that its the woman's job - even if its just subconcsious.

Of course that's only some men.

Most millennial and gen z men don't want kids. It would interfere with their lifestyle too much. More importantly, they can't afford them.

SaBahRub · 2024-07-24T19:45:28+00:00

Have them, yes

Take care of them, no

LettingHimLead · 2024-07-24T19:47:03+00:00

My husband was adamant that we have children, so yes. He’s also very involved in parenting, and would never accept anything less than 50/50 custody if we were to ever divorce.

No_Mammoth8801 · 2024-07-24T19:50:55+00:00

I think it's dumb for men to admit they want children in spaces like these because they'll immediately get jumped by >5 different women who assume they want a breeder-bangmaid to sacrifice their professional career and their body to do all the work of raising his children, which is an extreme form of shaming that you're halfway already alluding to in the body of your post.

Overall I think these conversations are a trap for men to engage in, and would advise any man to carefully consider if commenting is even worth it since you're going to be seen as a villain/leech on women either way.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-07-24T19:44:53+00:00

FFS - not this “muh legacy!” shit again! Yes, there are men who want children, care for, love and raise their children - we are not a fucking homogeneous blob with a hive mind.

This shibboleth is the result of too many radfems refusing to deal with their daddy issues and circle jerking with each other, projecting his failings onto the rest of us

_CuntfinderGeneral · 2024-07-24T19:44:50+00:00

I don't really want any, many men I know don't want any, but I also know several that love the idea of being a father or are fathers and love it. I always kind of hate the 'everyone's different' types of responses to questions like this because I view it as a bit of a copout, but I think it actually applies here; I think when you meet any random man it is essentially a coinflip whether they want children or not.

Jake0024 · 2024-07-24T20:23:24+00:00

Some do, but I think it's probably about 80/20 the opposite way that it is with women.

More-Bluebird5805 · 2024-07-24T20:37:56+00:00

I think some men do and some men don’t, just like women. Some men are super involved devoted fathers and some are not (same with women as mothers) it just depends. I don’t like all the stereotyping around gender. My father was a huge jerk but my husband and grandfather are great husbands and fathers. 🤷🏻‍♀️

biscuitcatapult · 2024-07-24T20:48:40+00:00

I mean, some do, some don’t?

My friends have kids, and they love being dads. Personally, I don’t as I am also childfree.

It’s really hard to date in the Midwest as nearly every woman around me wants it already has kids.

alebruto · 2024-07-24T20:51:50+00:00

I want to have children, my male friends want to have children and my female friends want to have children. I think what you said must be a characteristic of your social circle, it must be common in the men you let be part of your life

purplish_possum · 2024-07-24T21:25:04+00:00

I love my kids. I can't imagine life without them.

I took my 13 year old daughter on a cross country trip last week. We had a great time.

Inomaker · 2024-07-24T21:28:43+00:00

Yeah. I'm actually planning on adopting with my wife. We want to be parents, doesn't have anything to do with legacy for me.

2024-07-24T21:39:52+00:00

I know for a fact the majority do. They outright say it and they were the ones who questioned me on it when I said I didn’t want any. My experience from dating was that a lot men don’t just want kids, they want a lot of kids. I was told by 2 guys that they want 5 kids! I’ve never run quicker. I’m fine with a small family but going through pregnancy more than twice just seems like too much.

KingBembi · 2024-07-24T21:49:59+00:00

Lots of people of both genders have kids but don't really want them. It's cuz it's seen as something your just suppose to do at a certain age, or stage in your relationship so people think hey why not.

Fast_Stick_1593 · 2024-07-24T22:00:41+00:00

Am a Dad of a 1 week old baby so think this question is very appropriate for me

I love my Bub soo much (never thought I’d be this happy) It’s just an extra bonus on top of my life (good job, nice home, loving and caring feminine fiancé, cool dog)

I definitely don’t think fatherhood is for everyone (sort your shit before becoming one) but it’s absolutely a thrill and a challenge

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-07-24T23:18:03+00:00

men like having grown up children

Willow-girl · 2024-07-25T01:56:22+00:00

I could have written this post.

DennistheMenace__ · 2024-07-25T10:23:52+00:00

As a man, I don't want kids. Too much work, and stress.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2024-07-26T15:36:19+00:00

Historically, few men have actually cared about "legacy." It's just been "what you do" and men often just reluctantly accept the lack of freedom and resources drain that supporting and raising kids entails. This is changing though.

republicans_are_nuts · 2024-08-08T17:48:50+00:00

Most just want sex.

mlo9109 · 2024-07-24T19:47:28+00:00

Honestly, I have my doubts. Maybe there are men who want kids out there. As a straight woman, I have yet to encounter one in my dating journey. Most are "not sure" or "open to it." It's a fun game of, are they really open to kids or lying just to get laid? Also, by your 30s, you should know. I get a 20 something new college grad being unsure about kids but a 35+ year old man?

beautyloser · 2024-07-24T19:46:47+00:00

i am childfree and sterile as of a couple of years ago despite being 24. i’ve always been deeply suspicious of most men’s willingness to step up as fathers once they’ve checked off the Life Script box of “jizz in a lady and create my legacy.”

my last long term relationship ended because he was insistent he needed to give his father grandkids before he passed away. that logic terrifies me and i don’t think most of them understand the level of emotional commitment a child takes—it’s a lifelong labor of love that i simply don’t think they’re prepared for, and their children suffer for it!

so no, most men don’t want kids. they’ve let their internal biological drive meddle with intense cultural pressure and they have no idea what they’re getting into at the expense of their female partners.

Blitted_Master · 2024-07-24T19:46:36+00:00

I do, but I don’t want the risk of being a financial slave to a woman for 18 years.

AwesomeRocky-18- · 2024-07-24T20:44:07+00:00

I believe most men like the thought of having children for the sake of their legacy, baby trapping a woman, or pressure to have children by their family for a multitude of reasons. I don’t believe they want to actively care for them after they’re born and just expect the default parent to do it.

mesalikeredditpost · 2024-07-25T02:04:24+00:00

Just sound like misandry. If you can't accept common fact, why post? This is disingenuous

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-07-25T05:11:25+00:00

I've never been with a man who wanted children, but I never wanted children either so it worked out really.

I don't really know many men who have children and actually seem very happy.
A lot of them seem miserable, tired and burned out. I get the sense that they regret having children and feel like they've missed out on a more fun, carefree life.

Tbh I never had the idea that most men really wanted kids. Like it was just this weird, ingrained knowledge I always had that most men just don't. The exact same way I thought men don't want to get married. Like getting married and having kids are things women want, and men really don't want, but do because women want those things.. But maybe 90s movie culture has something to do with that though, idk, lol.

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sprckets21 · 2024-07-24T19:48:06+00:00

Yea pretty down once you hit a certain point with a girl, I got 2, it’s fun.

2024-07-24T19:57:46+00:00

Do. Not. Want.

John_Oakman · 2024-07-24T20:01:18+00:00

The men who are relevant don't and the males who do aren't relevant.

Therefor the males in the latter category should en masse enter platonic co-parenting relationships with single mothers to prove their willingness, which will be immediately invalidated on charges of ulterior motives.

KratosGodOfLove · 2024-07-24T20:26:10+00:00

I used to be a childfree man but now I want kids.

meteorness123 · 2024-07-24T20:26:52+00:00

You are the only man in the world and if you want children or if you don't want them, the logical conclusion then of course is that 'most men want children' or 'most men don't want children'

LAKings55 · 2024-07-24T21:03:47+00:00

I'd like to, but not enough to justify getting back into the slog of dating and relationships. Just never suited me.

DumbWordsmith · 2024-07-24T21:17:22+00:00

Some do and some don't.

I have a friend who had triplets but has expressed to me on several occasions that he regrets becoming a father before 35 (though some of that is because he chose the wrong woman). I have a friend who never wants to have children and is content with being an uncle to both his brother's children and his sisters'. That said, I also know many men who love being fathers.

What do you think? Men, do you want children? If yes, do you truly want them, or is it to make the woman happy or just "legacy"? And women, what do you think?

I've always wanted to raise my own children in the right situation. However, if that situation never presents itself (and at this point, it likely won't), then I'd rather be childless. It's not ideal, of course, but I prefer it over my other options.

I don't want to raise a child with the wrong woman (i.e., someone who has poor habits, incompatible values, and a bad outlook on life), and I don't have any interest in raising another man's child.

That said, at this point, I wouldn't enter a long-term relationship with a woman if we weren't planning to have children together. If I'm not building a family with her, I want to keep our lives completely separate.

2024-07-24T21:36:24+00:00

It will vary In my early twenties i would say yes Now mid, i turned AN. It's case by case basis

bluestjuice · 2024-07-24T21:48:30+00:00

*#notallmen

AMC2Zero · 2024-07-24T22:24:28+00:00

I want kids, but only when I'm setup and well prepared for it, I've sat through too many bad relationships and divorces.

kadosknight · 2024-07-24T22:38:04+00:00

As a person who experienced extensive familial abuse, and decided at the age of 27 that I will never have children, to spare them the downsides of my heritage and of this world, and now probably can't even have them biologically 10 yrs later, I'll just say, that I'm perfectly happy without them, and do not feel any inclination to have them in any way. I'll just pass on my "knowledge" or "heritage" to other youngsters, or whomever might need it, and it will be good. If I ever encounter a woman with a child in a relationship, and I feel that is genuine, I might take that responsibility, but I also cannot say if it will happen ever.

ilike18yoblackpussy · 2024-07-24T22:43:28+00:00

Some do, others don't.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2024-07-24T22:49:06+00:00

I've always wanted kids and I take an active role in taking care of my kids. Your question is very short sided and sexist.

qaadeleted · 2024-07-24T22:57:03+00:00

Well, if you look at the worlds and it's people you can see all kind of men in this regard. Heck there are even male kimdergarden workers who like to take care of other peoples children besides having their own too. So what I think of the overall situation matters shit, you can see there are men who want amd men who dont.

2024-07-24T23:14:19+00:00

I can’t answer for all men but I’ve always had a deep desire to have lots of kids and to build my social life around that, and most of the guys I talk to seem to have about equal desire to have kids as the women. On the idea of legacy I think that may play a small role but I think most people realise the joy of caring for someone and building a relationship which transcends what we can normally get through social interactions.when it comes to the amount of work done I think it’s less men don’t want to look after there kids but that men often strive for social status and for advancement and ideological movements to a greater degree then women so find them self pulled away from there families.

bratwurstjollof · 2024-07-24T23:35:15+00:00

I wanted kids. Have 1 currently. Still want more.

2024-07-24T23:57:34+00:00

I agree with. Society likes to propel people to conform. I met the love of my life in 1994. He said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to have kids and I don’t want children. Utterly devastating.

Indefinible · 2024-07-25T00:26:07+00:00

I am 39m childless. My long term relationship ended at 37 since I had doubt about having children with my ex. I never wanted children but my ex started pressing me on that subject. Although I loved her, I didn't see myself having children with her. She was irresponsible, my fathers in law were very controlling and I don't think I would have been happy having children in that situation. I feel free now that I am alone and I am pursuing my dream of being the least dependent possible of having a 9 to 17 job. I suppose everyone is different. I have never wanted children and I appreciate a lot my calm, my time alone and my freedom.

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2024-07-25T00:31:47+00:00

I'm 19, so I am not thinking about kids at this point.

Perhaps when I find the right person and I make enough money to be financially stable, then I would feel comfortable being a good father.

Legacy is the thing that men want to leave behind when they have their kids. My assumption is that fathers get old, tired, and complacent when the kids actually come. They may not have envisioned certain aspects that come with parenting.

I think most active fathers do decent after their children reach a certain age. The younger years are 50/50.

FunkGetsStrongerPt1 · 2024-07-25T01:03:39+00:00

Ummm…what? I want children and it kills me every day that I didn’t have a chance to have them by now at 30.

SimpleStart2395 · 2024-07-25T01:42:34+00:00

I didn’t want a kid “right now” but I knew I would regret it if I was 60 and didn’t have a kid, so I strapped on my big boy pants and had a kid.

You’re around man boys. Real men cherish children.

HTML_Novice · 2024-07-25T02:06:22+00:00

I want a son so I can be the father I wish I had

TheOffice_Account · 2024-07-25T02:11:52+00:00

Men, do you want children?

Yes, really do. What else do you want to know?

pixiehutch · 2024-07-25T06:14:42+00:00

Yes, plenty of men want children because they want to be a dad and involved in raising them

hostility_kitty · 2024-07-25T08:04:09+00:00

My husband does. He has a passion for teaching children and wants to teach our kids. I personally am very weary about who I will procreate with. But he is good with kids and has fun giving them chess lessons.

Ikem32 · 2024-07-25T08:13:55+00:00

Children, yes. Being a father, some.

BKLD12 · 2024-07-25T08:21:36+00:00

IDK, I know a lot of men who are at least open to the idea of being a father (and I do mean taking an active role in parenting). Most of them are in my family though, on my dad's side actually. His mother and father were great role models. They had very traditional gender roles for their time and religion, with grandma being a homemaker and grandpa being a working man, but my dad and aunts/uncles were still close to him because he made time for his kids.

My dad and uncles turned out to be pretty great dads. While I think the desire to have kids or the desire to be childfree is at least somewhat determined by innate factors, but given what I've witnessed in my own family, I think that socialization plays a big part as well. Having a good role model early on and a good relationship with your own parents probably has a heavy influence on whether someone wants to take an active role in parenting vs. being a stud/broodmare. I've seen a lot of people, especially those raised in very religious and traditional households without great parenting role models, that want the latter.

The whole "legacy" thing is insane and almost narcissistic (not necessarily in a pathological way, but definitely in a "I have a false sense of grandeur" kind of way), but definitely falls in line with men who have "traditional" opinions and would rather be a stud than a dad. I've never met anyone in person who told me that they wanted kids to continue their "legacy," thank goodness. I can think of some people in my past that might hold that opinion, but I never cared to ask.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-07-25T13:17:46+00:00

Most men want kids!

AreOut · 2024-07-25T13:18:43+00:00

I do want to have them and to father them, there is nothing more divine than that.

keepinitrealzs · 2024-07-25T14:15:13+00:00

Yes I really wanted to have a child. My wife is amazing and I’m awesome so having a kid will make the world a better place. My daughter changed me as a person and I think you can’t know true selfless love until you have a kid. Excited to help her flourish.

eastyorkshireman · 2024-07-25T15:28:19+00:00

I have one step child and 2 biological and got approved for adoption along the way. My legacy is how happy, balanced and well adjusted my kids are when they grow to adults. That's the only legacy that interests me.

I always wanted kids from a young age and have 0 regrets.

2024-07-25T16:37:01+00:00

Some men want children (their children). Some don't. Almost no man wants to raise some other guys kid.

DeathcoreOnly · 2024-07-25T17:57:38+00:00

These posts are so boring. Just go to TwoX or FDS if you just want to shit on men, or just title the post “I hate men so much”

2024-07-26T16:02:02+00:00

I'm a full custody dad, but I think there's a lot of bias in courts I think towards favoring the mom as long as she doesn't seem utterly insane.

Women sometimes use this as leverage for threatening or to be difficult with custody which I think intimidates a lot of weaker/stupid men to just say eff it and leave as long as they believe the kids would at least be fine without their involvement.

Dealing with the mom/ex can be more difficult than raising the child(ren) themselves unfortunately. At least, that has been true for me and my son. Raising children isn't that hard, especially as a father since I do contend in general children get a greater impact on their identity more from their fathers than their mothers.

So many single moms just seem utterly clueless to me, hardly worth respecting how they function, and children see that even though they cannot put it into words...

jldreadful · 2024-07-26T18:15:27+00:00

My husband is stay at home dad...

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-07-27T22:04:07+00:00

Yes. When you meet a woman who you really trust and admire and adore, at some point baby rabies definitely creeps in.

TheoryFar3786 · 2024-08-18T16:34:32+00:00

Most people are on the fence. People that really like children like me are quite rare.

username_6916 · 2024-07-24T20:13:17+00:00

Mothers get children after divorce because men don't fight for custody.

Men don't fight for primary physical custody because they know they'll lose.

Yes, due to the fact that women physicaly give birth it's logical that women mostly stay at home with children and take parental leave. So due to this fact it can never be 50:50, I admit that. If men truly wanted children it would be maybe 25:75 or something, but reality is not even close.

Just because men and women often have different roles in the family doesn't mean that men don't care. Men's sacrifices might look different, but they're just as important.

DarayRaven · 2024-07-24T19:43:51+00:00

Don't want kids although l do play around with the idea sometimes but most guys l know want or already have children

emorizoti · 2024-07-24T20:30:06+00:00

I don't know about men in general. Only a few friends have already kids. They secured their life and decided to become parents right away. Most of my friends don't have any plans to become parents. Personally yes I'll have kids in the future. But right now I can't. There is no right time, the previous generations including my parents sacreficed alot to raise m3 and didn't wait until the time was right(I was born and raised during an economy collapse and civil war). They got divorced so I had to move alot, city to city or to different countries. It affected alot as I was unable to make friends, other children had already formed their closed circled and were not welcoming of new friends. So I want to give the best life there is to my kid. To raise them in a stable place. And I want to be a million percent sure that the woman I'm going to have a family will stay with me and divorce won't ever be an option. Yes women can be replaced, and I can find another wife, but it takes a toll in the children and it scars them for life. So currently I'm no position to have kids. In the future, yes I will.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-07-24T21:50:37+00:00

Yeah, a lot of men absolutely want children. More men than women.

abaxeron · 2024-07-25T07:59:36+00:00

Do you think that men actually want to have children?

Yes.

Then there is group that "want" children but only for the ego of "legacy".

Maybe there is. We live in a weird age; there's all kinds of freaks out there.

Even if (most) men want to have children they still mostly don't actually physicaly take care of them... Yes, due to the fact that women physicaly give birth it's logical that women mostly stay at home with children and take parental leave. So due to this fact it can never be 50:50, I admit that. If men truly wanted children it would be maybe 25:75 or something, but reality is not even close.

No.

As of 2011, USA's married men in intact families with children were doing more than third of child care, more than third of housework, and almost two-thirds of paid work.

If men "mostly didn't actually physically take care of them", we would expect the first number to be zero.

Men spent more time combined on paid and unpaid labor for the majority of years we have data on.

This is before we do a reasonable thing and admit that providing for a family is a type of caring, and earning for a house is a type of housework.

What do you think? Men, do you want children? If yes, do you truly want them, or is it to make the woman happy or just "legacy"?

I took a couple sessions of therapy before having a child because I was not sure if I am "qualified enough", no matter how much I wanted one. My child has mother's last name.

kongeriket · 2024-07-25T12:29:54+00:00

Wanted kids. Two, preferably.

Got one. Still trying for a second one. If that won't happen, it'd be a bummer but still overall not so bad.

Would've been very angry if I had zero, though.

If yes, do you truly want them, or is it to make the woman happy or just "legacy"?

The two are not mutually exclusive, though.

Just because someone has kids for the "wrong reasons" (according to your ideological perspective), that doesn't mean they didn't want the kid(s).

"To make the woman happy" is just another trade-off. The husbands who accept it probably like what they're getting in return. None of my business 🤷🏻‍♂️

Even if (most) men want to have children they still mostly don't actually physicaly take care of them. They don't take parental leave, they don't take primary parent role...

So what? That doesn't mean they don't "truly" want them.

SAHM type of arrangement is in fact on the rise even in the US. Who are you to question other people's choices?

arvada14 · 2024-07-24T20:07:47+00:00

Some men do want children, and do care for them.

doggiedoc2004 · 2024-07-24T20:22:12+00:00

Totally not true. A decent portion of men want kids and enjoy having them. That % is probably less than women but every single male I know that has kids loves them dearly and are pretty involved in their lives esp compared to 30-40 years ago. My husband at various times in our lives has been the primary care giver. He has a very deep relationship with our kids (now teens)

terriblefaith · 2024-07-24T21:58:35+00:00

Does "physically taking care of your child" involve slaving your ass off for the next twenty years of your life to fund his or her life?

Or are we going to exclude that.

qfinesser21 · 2024-07-24T20:22:01+00:00

If I told my 5 year old son that one day he's not going to care about his hot wheels car collection and that's he's going to be willing to walk a thousand miles to put his pee-pee in some kitty kat. He'd look at me like I'm insane.

That being said, I think alot of people here aren't mature enough to think about what their future selves would want to have and cherish. Not having kids is probably gonna be one of their greatest regret.

2024-07-24T19:58:26+00:00

Yes, mostly for legacy and such. But I've always been good with children and been quite naturally paternal, something that's been remarked upon many times. I doubt I'll ever find someone to marry though so my best hope is FWBing some wild oats lol

Tywinlol2 · 2024-07-24T20:19:00+00:00

Lets get something straight what people want is strongly influenced by environment they find themselves in. By culture, their social status, consequences of their decisions and so on. You didn't come to the decision to be childless, there is no such thing as childfree for a woman, all on your own. It was based on how you perceive world around you, what you believe to be beneficial, harmful and prestigious for you, and all those things are dictated by society. Same goes for men, just to lesser degree as we are less influenced by society then women. For example, the reason why men don't fight for custody, unless they have very good case, is that they are extremely unlikely to get it. So why would they waste time and cash on doomed battle. More men would want children, and take active role, if they were recognized for their contribution as parents and if society treated them better in general.

Also I don't think you choose good metric to measure men's willingness to be parents. Financial contribution to a child is a serious commitment that greatly contributes to that child's success. Just compare outcomes of children from poor vs wealthy backgrounds. Man without such burdens can spend all of his cash on himself, which would significantly improve his quality of life, I know this because I constantly compare my own life to that of my married coworkers. The amount of free time, free money, savings and freedom in general I enjoy is far in excess of what they can afford, even if they make more.

2024-07-24T21:01:12+00:00

I think men mostly automaticaly expect that women want children and agree to it to make their woman happy, this I think is vast majority of men.

I think you should just speak for yourself on this one. It's your opinion, you're entitled to your opinion, I don't know why you'd attempt to extrapolate that opinion to being all male.

YveisGrey · 2024-07-24T22:08:16+00:00

I don’t think men had the option of caring for kids whether they wanted to or not because they had the responsibility of providing. I think because of this many men had a sense of joy and pride in providing for a family. Providing for your kids is still a vital role so I wouldn’t say that because they weren’t doing baby care that they didn’t want kids. But I have heard that many older men regret not spending more time with their kids because they had to work so much. On the whole I think most fathers get more fulfillment caring for and spending time with their kids then they do from their job. Most people don’t have particularly amazing jobs anyways.

McPigg · 2024-07-24T22:18:24+00:00

Im a man, and you cant generalize a whole gender like that, are you insane? Me and many men want kids and want to spend time with them. This is like, a hardwired natural instinct that even birds or some shit follow, like the main point of life in a biological sense. Of course, there are exeptions and societal trends that differ from that, but still most men dream of starting a happy, loving family at some point.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-07-24T23:32:38+00:00

What kind of logic is this??

If I want to drive a BMW, does it HAVE to mean that I have to enjoy putting up with the insane maintenance that’s required to keep one running? I can’t just enjoy driving the BMW without enjoying the maintenance part?

KamuiObito · 2024-07-25T00:16:00+00:00

No shit i want hella children actually. Yall literally just fuck and reproduce EXCLUSIVELY with the bottom barrel of men generationally.

-Kalos · 2024-07-25T00:38:43+00:00

I think most men want children. It's not something we do begrudgingly just to make women happy. People act as if having children and leaving a legacy isn't rewarding to men. Even if you just care about your career, men with children make more than childless men

Baezil · 2024-07-25T01:11:34+00:00

I think plenty of men want children. I also think there's probably still more women than men who want children.

I don't have kids but as far as fulfilling life experiences go, I imagine it's usually right up there at the top.

I wonder if you are more insecure about this issue than you're admitting to us and/or yourself. You probably wouldn't be here making this post otherwise.

I'm not criticizing you for wanting or not wanting kids. I do think admitting to at least yourself that you might have some doubts about your decision will go a long way toward helping you resolve your feelings on it though. Sorry for wasting your time if I'm wrong.

2024-07-25T01:39:10+00:00

It's complex:

Yes, men want kids cause it's fun.

However, having kids means that generally your sex stops.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-07-25T02:13:14+00:00

I do.

I can think of no greater adventure, and I too wish to introduce them to the wonders of a human life.

KikiYuyu · 2024-07-25T04:03:50+00:00

This is such a stupid question. Obviously there are men who want to have children.

Why is every question posed in this sub so braindead?

cre4mpuffmyf4ce · 2024-07-25T06:46:51+00:00

You have a pretty sad view.

The quirky thing about our brains is that they filter information and people that reinforces our view. With your view, you are probably only going to come across men who are like this. And that sucks.

There are absolutely loads of men out there who love kids, are excited about fatherhood and genuinely enjoy the nuclear family. What’s not to love, having a bunch of funny little rascals running around, who grow up to love you and take care of you, and you get to be there for them and support them? It’s one of life’s treasures.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-07-25T20:15:43+00:00

Men absolutely want children, just not with you lol.

I have personally left relationships where the woman didn't want kids and I know other men that did the same. We're all happy fathers now.

McTitty3000 · 2024-07-27T00:24:22+00:00

Yes, biologically it's the main thing we were put on this planet to do, you may not love all the responsibilities of raising them but who likes responsibility anyways lol, I think especially men who have a legacy worth passing down want to, we have paternal and maternal instincts by nature

2024-07-24T20:02:09+00:00

I think the manosphere teaches men that having/caring for children is unmanly and not alpha, but that women are unfeminine if they don’t want children. It’s one of misogyny’s inherent contradictions.

My husband and I wanted kids. When we got together, he said he wanted 1-2, and I said I wanted 2-4, but really, I would take it 1 at a time. We had a boy and a girl.

While I think my husband was unprepared for the change to our lifestyle, he rose to the occasion and is a really good dad who takes good care of his kids

jay10033 · 2024-07-24T20:28:51+00:00

Women like you believing you can get into the minds of men to actually say what they want makes you look as if you have delusions of grandeur, are narcissistic and your ego is equally as ridiculous as the ones you mentioned. You have no clue.

Comprehensive-Job243 · 2024-07-24T21:15:09+00:00

Well mine had 6 kids prior to me he wanted (his idea) for me to have our daughter with him... so gonna veer toward a 'yup'... it's just as varied amongst men as for women

Calm-Cry4094 · 2024-07-25T04:00:18+00:00

Depends on the men. As a multimillionaire that's already 40+ I want MANY children. I had 4 already.

Basically I want blood lines to pass my money on.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-07-25T15:16:51+00:00

I want kids but you mistake not wanting to change diapers of an infant with not wanting to take care of kids. In general men are more suited to older children and women to younger. So you know I could say the same thing "do women even want kids when they stop teaching and disciplining teenagers who say f you? And just give in and say yes go sleep at your bf gfs house" it's primarily moms who stop raising kids once they get older so did they even want kids?

Also most women are not ones I'd find suitable to have kids with, so it's not like if you wanted kids you'd just have some with any Mary Sue or Tammy. Smh.

Title	Do you think that men actually want to have children?
Author	Objective_Ad_6265
Upvotes	26
Comments	408
Date	July 24, 2024 7:37 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ebagbl/do_you_think_that_men_actually_want_to_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-that-men-actually-want-to-have.1525215 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525215

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