I’ve been thinking about why so many men on this sub feel like they’re “struggling” with dating and I believe there is a HUGE factor that isn’t acknowledged enough.

Most men actually believe they are more attractive than they really are, and they set their standards unrealistically high because of it.

An example I read just today came from a comment made by another poster who wrote about how she and her male friend varied in how they rated the attractiveness of a couple they knew. Her friend thought the boyfriend was a 7 and thought the girlfriend was a 3...but the poster said she felt the girlfriend was more like a 7 and the boyfriend a 3 at the most. When they discussed why the male friend had been more focused on the boyfriend’s muscular build while the poster put more focus on the boyfriend’s facial features and hairstyle….which to her was not attractive.

I believe men often evaluate attractiveness in other men through traits men themselves value and then assume that women rank those traits just as highly. They focus on traits they’re proud of (gym progress, height, income) while undervaluing what women are actually scanning for like facial appeal, grooming, and how a man carries himself socially. So many guys convince themselves they’re “7s” because they lift and have a job but women are quietly rating them a “3.”

Social psychologists have already shown that Men tend to overestimate women’s sexual interest in them and women underestimate men’s attraction towards them.

So the dating struggle isn’t only about women having “too high standards.” It’s also about men inflating their own self-perception and then chasing women way out their actual league.