CMV: You should be your partner's ONLY source of sexual fulfillment

OkProfessional9405 · 2024-09-11T16:52:51+00:00

There's two components to monogamy.

We don't have sex with anyone else
We have sex with each other.

If you stop having sex with each other, you are practicing abstinence not monogamy.

So your screed is only half complete. I agree you shouldn't be seeking outside sexual release, but your partner also is there to support your sexual needs, that's the part you missed.

Barely-moral · 2024-09-11T16:15:31+00:00

I am in as long as it is mutual and it comes with the responsibility to actually fulfill your partner's sexual needs.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-09-11T16:17:44+00:00

No, that's ridiculous.

I have a much higher libido than my boyfriend. I use porn, and to a lesser extent erotica, as an outlet for my sexual needs that he's not able to satisfy. There's no good reason to put that level of pressure on the lower libido partner, because they won't be able to keep up and it'll just breed resentment.

TinyBlonde15 · 2024-09-11T16:52:45+00:00

I think what's most important is that everyone is different. It's communicating what you are looking for and are not looking for in a relationship. Not everyone thinks all of those things are cheating. The golden rule and try not to harm those you love. So talk about which things would harm your partner so you don't harm them

Teflon08191 · 2024-09-11T16:14:55+00:00

that makes for an unhealthy relationship

So does being overly controlling by unduly and arbitrarily imposing restrictions on your partner's freedoms.

TheFrankton · 2024-09-11T23:22:16+00:00

Try going a few years with someone you really love, but they have a wildly different libido level. No porn or masturbation? Yeah no, not gonna work, for anyone.

I read a really good take on this: the only winner in this is the one with the lower libido as they are fulfilled when they want it, but the other party is miserable

Hi-Road · 2024-09-12T01:08:33+00:00

I’m convinced this is less about and morality and more about people trying to date their own anxiety and paranoia. And the tighter you try to hold control over someone, the more likely they are to wanna squeeze out. You’ll more likely cause your own nightmare

bluepvtstorm · 2024-09-11T16:37:09+00:00

I mean, this is a weird take. I want to control the absolute fuck out of my partner because I have insecurities.

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-09-11T16:03:31+00:00

Unless they're no longer having sex I'm never going to understand why people get so bothered by their Partners watching porn

one_ball_policy · 2024-09-11T16:39:47+00:00

Pass, if my gf isn’t in the mood and I am I’m to kick rocks?

a-person-who-lurks · 2024-09-11T16:42:34+00:00

I disagree, since mastubartion is a thing and its most definitely not cheating. But you can really spot the porn addicts in this thread

Peberkat · 2024-09-11T18:23:52+00:00

Why are you being weird

Meshakhad · 2024-09-11T17:02:22+00:00

I think it is up to the couple to define those boundaries. What works for one couple may not work for another. For some couples, your proposal may be a good one. On the other hand, there are couples with an open relationship. The key here is communication and respect.

WanabeInflatable · 2024-09-11T16:25:26+00:00

OP sounds terribly controlling and insecure.

Myamoxomis · 2024-09-11T18:15:35+00:00

Even if my partner was always down for sex, there are times when I just want to masturbate and move on. I need release, but I don’t always want intimacy. I know it sounds selfish, but intimacy is more work than just sticking my dick in. It’s effortful, and it’s not that I don’t want to put in the effort, but when I’m exhausted, but horny, I don’t feel comfortable asking her for an unrequited ride or blowjob, so I’ll do it myself.

themfluencer · 2024-09-11T21:23:46+00:00

You are allowed to have that view, and if someone you date doesn’t have that view, you can break up with them because you’re not compatible. But infidelity means different things to everyone and having a frank discussion about what is and isn’t infidelity in one’s own view is really important to have BEFORE committing to one another.

-Kalos · 2024-09-11T22:54:45+00:00

Every person has their own ideas of what cheating actually is. Whatever anyone believes is cheating and crossing boundaries, we need to normalize talking about what we consider cheating and what our boundaries are early on in any relationship so nobody is confused.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-09-11T16:09:05+00:00

I have my first relationship where my girl thinks exactly like this. Other gfs didn’t care that much unless it was physical cheating. My gf is open for any type of sex anytime I want so it makes it somewhat reasonable.

Gets ridiculous though, she starts to get fuming even if I’m just talking to another girl. If she sees me on Instagram and a girl just shows up in my feed she gets upset, I think this monopoly mindset is too far.

CringeEating · 2024-09-11T16:44:29+00:00

This type of stuff always just screams insecure. You weren’t they’re only interest before yall dated, it’s not gonna magically go away

Aggravating-Part9 · 2024-09-11T16:09:10+00:00

What about the attention and validation people get from strangers? Not having sex but entertaining a plausibly deniable flirt sesh?

All I care about is fairness, people can have whatever kind of relationship they like IMO.

dailydose20 · 2024-09-11T16:50:53+00:00

I'm fine with this as long as she recognizes it's her duty to sexually satisfy me

WillyDonDilly69 · 2024-09-11T18:42:40+00:00

Here comes the cock police telling people what we should do with our penis. Buh hoo you say it as if is mandatory for a partner to always be down for sex whwn it's not and now you should have not any way to deal with that.

Also about watching porn, if you watch a romance movie or read such a book is it still cheating,l. If you tell your partner to eat inly what you cook and they watch a cooking show now it's cheating.

RahLyt · 2024-09-11T20:01:43+00:00

Completely pointless. You can't never know what's going on, in your SOs brain. I can masturbate to your best friend and you'll never know about it.

This is setting yourself up for disappointment.

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-09-11T16:03:58+00:00

This is pretty silly. My partner has a higher libido than I do, it makes us both happier for him to be free to enjoy himself privately and the less pressure on me makes me more able/eager to go above and beyond for him. On the other hand with my lower libido it would be detrimental for me to focus my energy on sources other than him because that would take away from our relationship. I respect that

zenonyxrose · 2024-09-11T16:44:12+00:00

The comment sections hear is why the fear of monogamy disappearing is valid. A bunch of arguments here talk about how it's controlling people sexual autonomy which negates the idea of monogamous love

TotalTravesty · 2024-09-11T16:17:19+00:00

Good luck with all that. Yeesh, this is why apps let you swipe right OR left.

Alarming_Ask_244 · 2024-09-11T16:18:47+00:00

The definition of “Infidelity” isn’t “finding sexual pleasure anywhere but your partner”, it’s about breaking your partners trust. That’s why it’s called sexual infidelity, and other types of infidelity exist. Marriage, or LTRs, are agreements and they don’t all have the same terms. If two partners agree that they shouldn’t watch porn and one does so, then that’s infidelity, but if two partners agree that they can have sex with whoever they want on the third weekend of the month, that isn’t infidelity

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-09-11T19:16:19+00:00

or have sex with anyone else, including homie head

I didn't know what "homie head" was until your recent post. Does this exist outside of the internet? I mean, there will always be friends who fuck each other for mutual release. Women sucking off dude friends just cuz? Nah. That's some internet meme shit.

To address the main point, partners can come to whatever agreement they want within their relationship. It can be prudish and locked down or it can be unrestrained and hedonistic. Even open relationships or swinging, obviously.

If you want to pursue the arrangement described in a relationship I would suggest adding things beyond those which tend to appeal to men and acknowledge the ways that women get sexual gratification and titillation, such as romantic movies, shows, and novels (Twilight and 50 Shades for example) and bawdy reality shows.

I personally would not want to restrict this for my partner. It's a fool's errand to try to get a woman to never look at or lust after hot men, at least sometimes. But if someone else wanted to pursue this kind of relationship I'd at least suggest it should be fair instead of only restricting male consumption of titillating media.

Ok-Supermarket-6747 · 2024-09-11T20:58:00+00:00

Feels like this is assuming your sex drives match 100% and you are 100% at the tip of each others fingers 24/7. Too much room for negotiations relationship to relationship and person to person. I don’t think there is a ‘coverall’ answer to this.

Goonerlouie · 2024-09-11T21:48:35+00:00

Mostly agree but I wouldn’t go as far and call these infidelity. They’re inappropriate for sure but theres a difference in “user participation”.

Private messaging, paying for OF, paying for a private strip show makes it personal and crosses the boundary compared to the sense of voyeurism you get from watching free porn, going with friends to a strip club and just watching the stage dancers, just following IG models etc.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-09-11T23:12:03+00:00

My partner and I absolutely do not agree.

But that’s what is so awesome about relationships- you discuss your boundaries and they agree to them, and if they don’t stick to them or don’t agree, you break up.

Boundaries are not “you can/cannot do X or else I will start a fight about it and berate you and punish you for years to come.” Boundaries are “if you do X, I will do Y, because I cannot control you. I can only control myself.” So for example: “if you go to a strip club/watch porn/pay for OF, I will break up with you. I will not be in a relationship with someone who does those things.”

Boundaries should not be assumed. It’s why the “what are we” talk is so important. Because you have to discuss what the boundaries of the relationship are. Just talking to someone doesn’t mean they have the same understanding of the relationship that you do. So we say our boundaries out loud, like adults.

My partner and I slept around when we first started dating until we had a talk about monogamy. Now we are what I consider monogamous because we only have sex with each other. But my monogamy may not be what someone else considers monogamy. And that’s okay because you’re not dating me and I’m not dating you.

Sexuality for my partner and I is not tied to partnership in the same way it might be for others. And as long as everyone in the relationship consents, idgaf what you do or do not do.

If you don’t like those things, don’t do them. Find someone who also doesn’t, or is okay never doing them again. But you cannot force your will on to others.

OracleOfSelphi · 2024-09-11T23:17:02+00:00

Big yikes!!! Are you okay, OP?

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-09-12T00:04:33+00:00

I agree, but it comes with the responsibility of sexually fulfilling your partner within reasonable limits (which, shocked pikachu face, may include compromise and concessions).

smarmycheesesandwich · 2024-09-12T04:16:29+00:00

Now I see why people cheat. 🤔

Sillysheila · 2024-09-12T09:19:25+00:00

Nope

People have the right to masturbate. It’s THEIR body. They get autonomy over their body. Masturbation is healthy, and it’s natural.

Please keep in mind here I’m not talking about porn use because I don’t want to get stuck on that argument. I mean just solo sex.

Another thing is a lot of partners have a libido discrepancy. If the lower libido partner doesn’t want to have sex, and the higher one does, what do they do? Is the LL meant to grin and bear it, and have sex they’re not really up for?

If your answer is yes, think again. Having sex you don’t enjoy only for the sake of your partner typically puts pressure on you and makes your libido lower turning sex into a chore. It typically worsens the problem, turning things into a tense cycle where one member of the couple begins experiencing sex aversion.

I am slightly higher libido. Sometimes when my partner is not up to it, I masturbate. I’m happy with this. In fact, I don’t want to make my partner have sex. I don’t want him to feel pressured to have sex. If he seems very hesistant, it really is better for the both of us if I take care of things myself.

Sex has to be two yesses:

If the LL person in the relationship doesn’t have sex with the HL, the consequence is that they use their hands for one night.

If the HL person coerces the LL person into sex, then it can turn into resentment, cycle of sex aversion, and could even be an assault in some cases.

I know what I would rather do. I would rather have a slightly long shower than purposefully sow discontent and make my partner upset.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-09-11T16:45:56+00:00

This is just silly - you can’t dictate all that and trying to would constitute coercive behaviour

Inevitable-Log9197 · 2024-09-11T19:17:00+00:00

The only way I can be fine with not watching porn, is if my partner would have sex with me every time I’m in the mood. Otherwise, if she’s not okay with me jerking off to porn, then we’re incompatible and we’ll part ways.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-09-11T16:29:38+00:00

My husband watches porn at times. I read it at times. We are totally faithful to each other but sometimes one of us is tired or not in the mood

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-09-11T16:31:15+00:00

But finding faithful & monogamous high libido women is such a PITA.

HappyCat79 · 2024-09-11T16:47:09+00:00

It depends on the couple and what they agree to, honestly.

My partner and I have a monogamous relationship and we have an active and fun sex life together, but he looks at porn and masturbates during the day while I’m at the office because he gets horny and I’m not there. It doesn’t bother me at all. (He works from home.)

I wouldn’t be happy if he had actual sex with another person, but we could have a conversation about it if it was something that he really wanted to do. So far it hasn’t come up and he has told me that I’ve spoiled him anyway and he can’t imagine anybody else being as fun as I am.

I don’t watch porn, I don’t like porn at all- but he told me the other day that living with me is like living with a porn star. I took that as a compliment! He told me that he can’t believe I don’t watch porn because I act like I do in bed. 🤷🏻‍♀️. I don’t know, I just do what seems fun to me and I say and do things that I know he will love.

Lysa_Bell · 2024-09-11T17:25:21+00:00

I have a pretty high libido and I'm very attracted to my husband. But his body can only handle so much. I don't want to hurt him and we have to take longer breaks in-between. So I use other outlets. We talked about that before I started using porn and what his boundaries are and what crosses lines. So we are both comfortable with everything.

A healthy relationship is defined by what the couple is agreeing on. Nobody else has to agree with that so it wouldn't even be possible to change your mind. You make your own rules for your relationship.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-09-11T17:31:51+00:00

That's stupid, so that means no masturbation at all and no longer watching a bit of porn here and there? Nothing wrong with having a high libido and a bit of sexual fantasy and just release yourself sexually. A partner can only do so much.

24-sa3t · 2024-09-11T18:54:43+00:00

Has being this way been succesful in your relationships? It sounds exhausting

NockerJoe · 2024-09-11T19:46:41+00:00

OP, are you prepared to fuck your partner every single time they get horny, on command? Do you reasonably expect your partner to do the same for you? Even if you're at work, about to walk the dog, you have a concert or something with your friends?

Even if two people have exact matching libidos life is going to get in the way because thats how it works.

Megsann1117 · 2024-09-11T22:33:27+00:00

What makes for an unhealthy relationship is trying to control your partner.

For me personally, I would never be with a person who tries to control my body. I don’t care if they are the greatest fuck in the world, removing my autonomy is not something I’m ever going to be okay with. Like even if I don’t want to masterbate I want to have a partner confident enough to not care.

Wattehfok · 2024-09-11T23:17:59+00:00

This sounds like bdsm.

anewlookav · 2024-09-11T16:39:45+00:00

This is only referring to traditional monogamous relationships

Define "traditional" here. Otherwise, I think everyone is fine to dictate the boundaries for their own relationship and find an agreeable partner. I think it's bullshit to tell anyone else what is good and bad for them.

But, I fall outside that disclaimer already. Team non-monogamy here.

teball3 · 2024-09-11T16:25:09+00:00

"Infidelity"? Really? That is as much infidelity as playing an action game is violence.

I get why you would want your partner to only he attracted to you and no one else. It can feed insecurity to understand that even while you might be special to them, you'll never be as special as you might want to be. But there is a point where wanting to feel special stops being reasonable. I tell my niece she's a princess, and we playfully do little jokes like freezing in place when she says freeze, but when she whines and cries because the other kids want to play with her toys she's not using, it's time to stop treating her like a princess and remind her to be a good human.

And that's where you are at. Your husband's libido isn't your toy, that you can have complete control over even if you aren't using it. (Not that he can do whatever he wants if you aren't using it, but the other kids can't break my niece's toys just because they are allowed to play with them, either.)

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vitalisex · 2024-09-11T19:04:46+00:00

I totally agree, that's why sexual compatibility is a thing.

UpstairsAd1235 · 2024-09-11T21:06:26+00:00

"Homie head"?... LMAO That sounds hilarious

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-09-11T21:17:12+00:00

I wouldnt mind, as long as she was willing to do everything in her power to keep me satisfied. But heres the catch. The male sexdriv eis a strong thing. I, as a teen, could recover fully in 40 mins. But if she was willing. I would have loved her with all my might.

Specs400 · 2024-09-11T21:28:08+00:00

There's no should here. Well there is a conditional should. People who want a happy sex life in a long term committed relationship should talk about their needs and expectations. If two people both want their paftner to be their only sexual outlet, great. If one wants that and the other doesn't, there's not time better than really early on to find out.

No-Appointment-8270 · 2024-09-11T21:31:49+00:00

*checks flair*

blue pill woman

Not surprised at all

Samphilbags · 2024-09-12T02:18:12+00:00

To each its own, but I disagree. You shouldn't give anyone a monopoly over your sex drive. Sex releases endorphins that can create chemical dependencies and addiction, similar to substance use. The difference is that you have no control over the source of your addiction -- sex with your partner. From a self-preservation perspective, you should have other sources (potential or active) of sexual releases to reduce your sexual dependency on one person.

I know guys that have been completely devastated when their woman suddenly broke up with them.. some dropped out of school, others quit working, others became addicted to drugs, & one guy killed himself. I offer guys as an anecdote because I'm a guy and because typically women end heterosexual relationships. Women might be devastated the same way and for the same reasons but I can't speak to their lived experiences.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-09-12T02:58:10+00:00

If we only allowed relationships to those who could 100% satisfy their partner, no one would be in relationships.

Carrying the giant pressure of expecting to be the perfect everything for your partner is a horribly unhealthy relationship.

Ramzabeo · 2024-09-12T04:36:23+00:00

This is why my wife and i have a golden rule in our marriage, we cannot say no to sex ever, doesnt matter if we are mad, sad, not in the mood or anything like that, we own eachothers bodies and its worked out great, we have sex a minimum of 5 times a week after 13 years.

In a case like mine then yeah porn should not be used, but if youre not satisfying your partner you cant really be mad about it.

DoinIt989 · 2024-09-12T15:04:23+00:00

Does this include using sex toys in the bedroom? Either with a partner or without.

WaitingForTheFire · 2024-09-12T15:06:47+00:00

Are you including flirting too? Unless you’re Amish, that’s a nearly impossible standard to meet.

breathofanarchy · 2024-09-12T15:30:29+00:00

I mean this should be obvious.

rpujoe · 2024-09-12T15:44:25+00:00

As OKProfessionaon9405 said, there's two halves that must be accounted for. Similarly, we must also acknowledge men and women are different.

As for the definition of "sexual fulfillment, this isn't as simple as people think. Most may immediately jump to the conclusion this means actual sex, but it's not that simple. Sexual fulfillment can take place just from being sexual attention and affection, even if sex never takes place. This is where things get interesting IMO.

We all agree the overwhelming baseline existence of humanity is that men pursue and women are the pursued. With that understand if a man pursues other women, then that action is the commission of infidelity, even if he is unsuccessful. Thus, conversely, when a woman puts herself in a situation that elicits the advances of men, that too is also cheating, even if she does not capitalize on the advances from other men.

Given the above information, it makes sense if your partner is to be your only source of sexual fulfillment, that it also requires cutting off your own access to the sexual pursuit in the different ways that it applies to men and women. For men, that means not chasing other women for sex, and for women that means denying themselves access to the places and things that would draw sexual attention from men. That means no more bars, clubs, and in particular dressing provocatively or behaving in such a way to elicit sexual attention (eg dancing in a bar or club). That provocation is itself an infidelity under this understanding of what sexual fulfillment entails in the context of this post.

Eastoss · 2024-09-12T16:28:13+00:00

Do you also support that it should be considered a fault to not fulfill your partner's sexual needs?

Like would you agree sex is a marital duty?

IDK if you're honest about all this. But considering a lot of people consider it's not their duty to fulfill their partner's sexual needs, people have adapted by getting fulfilled elsewhere. Mainstream media act like cheating is worst than deadbedroom, but it's really equally bad. And we shouldn't be all that hysterical about it. And worse, masturbating and watching porn shouldn't be considered even 10% as bad as deadbedrooming.

Imposing that people in marriage should only seek each others as sexual fulfillment is just not morally virtuous or healthier than letting people adapt and adjust. On the contrary it's unhealthy. Humans aren't machines.

VWGUYWV · 2024-09-12T19:00:09+00:00

You also should not be exchanging sexual energy with other people

Looking at you married women that like to dress with your tits out and flirt with other men

Bitter-Hat-4736 · 2024-09-12T20:15:07+00:00

I think that couples should reach any conclusion about that by themselves, and should be free to define what they believe to be monogamy. Trying to create a blanket "All should follow this standard" is never going to work.

Dertross · 2024-09-12T21:18:21+00:00

That's real easy to say for a woman who has sex on tap if she wants it to be.

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-09-13T01:54:57+00:00

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EugeneCezanne · 2024-09-13T19:04:55+00:00

My reasoning: otherwise it's infidelity and that makes for an unhealthy relationship

It's only cheating if it's not allowed. I think making rules about what your partner can and can't even think about is probably a lot more unhealthy for a relationship than just chilling tf out a little.

alebruto · 2024-09-13T21:10:04+00:00

You only have the right to demand this when you satisfy your spouse's sexual needs.

If you are withholding sex from your spouse and criticizing him for masturbating, you are a hypocrite who is taking offense to a problem that you contributed to happen.

RebeccaRose699 · 2024-09-14T14:45:47+00:00

My husband and I are swingers so I couldn't disagree more with this. Do you think everyone should be monogamous? What are your thoughts on my idea that non-monogamy should be the norm? Why shouldn't it be considered weird to limit what someone else does with their own body? My husband and I actually started off monogamous but I do porn so slowly opening our marriage was natural for us.

Mammoth_Elk_3807 · 2024-09-27T21:56:27+00:00

It’s precisely such proposals that demonstrate why „traditional monogamous relationships“ end the way they almost always invariably end, lol.

WillyDonDilly69 · 2024-09-11T18:40:35+00:00

Here comes the cock police telling people what we should do with our penis. Buh hoo you say it as if is mandatory for a partner to always be down for sex whwn it's not and now you should have any way to deal with that

No_Hat9118 · 2024-09-11T19:05:52+00:00

Go away

Many-Leader2788 · 2024-09-11T21:33:20+00:00

use pr0n,

And do romance books count here? 🤨

Yupperdoodledoo · 2024-09-12T04:14:19+00:00

Are you married?

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-09-11T16:14:13+00:00

No. And this is arguably very childish, your partner is never going to be your every fantasy nor want to and that’s healthy.

Using porn/toys or erotic every now n then is a way of release when your partner doesn’t want to engage or isn’t in the mood, or can’t fulfill your secret fantasy.

Most people (myself included) draw the line at cheating, and actively communicating with a live person to get off too. But long lasting couples understand that sometimes you have to sort yourself every now n then.

Shoddy-Cherry-490 · 2024-09-11T17:16:39+00:00

Here is an aspect of this that I feel is often ignored.

Generally speaking, men are expected to be the assertive gender and the pursuer of women. But once in a relationship, it is expected that they are tame and domesticated.

Considering that few men are born with such assertive personalities and that most men need to cultivate them instead over many years, I have always found it a bit puzzling that women then expect men to cast aside or at least tame that wild side, which indeed is what often attracts women in the first place.

I am not suggesting that "masculine alpha types" cannot be in committed monogamous relationships. But typically a man's sociability, adventurousness and indeed "masculine prowess" is an integral part of a man's personality. It's not just something that can be turned off. The image of a caged lion comes to mind.

This is not even considering the idea of the need for sexual novelty, which data suggest is generally stronger with men, but purely the idea that women can change a man and whether that is even a good thing. By essentially "tabooing" the consumption of pornographic or erotic imagery, aren't you just creating repressed men? Aren't you really just trying to recreate ultra conservative societies like in the Middle East or fundamentalist Christian communities, societies that generally are far more patriarchal than what we have in the West today?

Mobrowncheeks · 2024-09-11T17:02:32+00:00

The way that I would never commit to anyone if this was a social norm 😭😭

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-11T17:30:42+00:00

My reasoning: otherwise it's infidelity and that makes for an unhealthy relationship

For you. And that's fine but you've given no reason why it should be the standard for anyone else.

Took my husband to a pole show, and we both enjoyed the pretty ladies. We both watch porn, I'm pretty sure I have more mostly naked women in my IG feed than him (considering all the burlesque and pole stuff I follow). This works for us but I wouldn't say "Everyone needs to take their spouse to a strip show, otherwise your relationship is unhealthy". Different strokes for different folks, for some the strokes involve porn.

zenonyxrose · 2024-09-11T17:37:56+00:00

I both I agree and disagree with you. Let me explain sexualfulfillment is different from sexual urges. Masturbation is not fulfilling as it's not sexy it only eased sexual urge but not desire. And you don't need porn, strippers or other forms of sexual exploitation to masturbate. Erotica and sexual art are better options.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-09-11T17:41:00+00:00

Just because you’re on a diet, doesn’t mean you can look at the menu.

MistyMaisel · 2024-09-11T17:43:11+00:00

I think you should be your partner's main source of sexual fulfillment and anything they seek outside of you should be respectful to you and the over-all relationship you're sustaining together. People forget that a relationship is much more than fucking.

I think you go a little too far in your proscriptions of this. I don't personally love porn, but it isn't a hill I'd die on unless it was getting in the way of our thing.

banthaaaa · 2024-09-11T17:54:20+00:00

What about masturbating to one's partner assuming they're not in the mood lol

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-09-11T20:20:44+00:00

Nope absolutely not. Let people decide how they want to run their relationship. If they are fine with their partner watching porn then it is none of your business to comment on it. Hell if they want to fuck other people and they are both fine with it then there is no problem. Focus on your own relationship and not others.

Also the fact that you brought up homie head is insanely funny. You saw 3 TikTok's about it and it is now living rent free in your head lmao.

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-09-11T21:17:04+00:00

Women can't handle and don't even want to try to have that responsibility. Nobody really wants to be anyone's only source of anything really. It's not good on either side of 100% dependence.

Eauxddeaux · 2024-09-11T21:26:57+00:00

First of all, what the hell is Homie Head?

Secondly, this is nuts and delusionally egotistical.

Are you willing to be “free use” for each other, without hesitation or protest, day or night, regardless of the circumstances? Because if not, this is a doomed plan. And even if you are, that’s bound to be terrible at some point also.

Just set some boundaries you both agree on and give each other a little space.

And if “homie head” is what it sounds like, and something you’re contending with, your relationship has bigger problems than this.

Clementinequeen95 · 2024-09-11T18:05:42+00:00

As a woman I’ve never had an issue with my partner watching porn, masturbating or occasionally hitting up a strip club with his friends. I’m not his mother, I’m his partner and I trust him. Same way he trusts me. This whole thing is insanely insecure tbh

KGmagic52 · 2024-09-11T16:43:18+00:00

If that were the case, then withholding sex or only having as much sex as the lower libido person wants to would be considered as bad as cheating. Some people may agree with that to certain degrees, but society definitely doesn't in general.

man-frustrated · 2024-09-11T16:07:07+00:00

Men desire variety. Porn is a kind of cheat code that feeds that desire enough for him to not seek it IRL. Make him swear off porn at your own peril.

Pleasant-Speed2003 · 2024-09-11T17:10:50+00:00

I think the real veiw change is you know what you need. Ops partner should only see them as a source of fulfilment or move onto someone more aligned with what they want.

For me, im pretty open, i want my partner to enjoy life, and if they want to try something, i would even be okay with them finding someone to get that sort of experience.

I also believe mastorbating separately is healthy as it means there's never someone who really wants it and is totally unable to do anything if the other partner isn't in the mood. Meaning less resentment and build up of bedroom issues and that there sless presure to match eachothers libido when honestly its hard to find people who apsolutely match eith you all the time.

attendquoi · 2024-09-11T17:49:44+00:00

Nah, my poor hubby has a lower drive than I do. Plus, all I care about is the orgasm...it makes no difference whether he does it or I do it myself.

FrameWorried8852 · 2024-09-11T19:15:57+00:00

That's not a problem untill people have options and when one of those options is better than your current partner in every aspect then it's nearly impossible for people to honor that social contract.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-09-11T19:36:05+00:00

Lmao 🤣

Because everyone knows Puritanical suppression of sex drives makes the healthiest of relationships.

NJFlowerchild · 2024-09-11T21:43:16+00:00

How do you feel about spouses leaving their partners because they became overweight or left their appearances go because they're busy taking care of the kids?

Waste_Translator_335 · 2024-09-11T22:19:35+00:00

Preach

Main_Following1881 · 2024-09-11T23:46:36+00:00

yeh i agree with this, i never got why would a person with a partner watch porn instead of just getting head form them.

Responsible-Soup5726 · 2024-09-12T00:54:17+00:00

I thought this was a sarcastic post but people are actually against it somehow?

Crimson-Pilled · 2024-09-11T17:14:28+00:00

This type of man is either asexual or lying.

rando755 · 2024-09-11T16:37:20+00:00

No. Masturbation should be an option for everyone. Although many people on reddit are fanatically against pornography, I personally am in favor of pornography.

oneandonlysealoftime · 2024-09-11T16:43:33+00:00

My reasoning: otherwise it's infidelity and that makes for an unhealthy relationship

Based on the argument, my only counter-argument can be:

It's not infidelity and that doesn't make relationships unhealthy

Monogamy, infidelity are very non-binary things. In one couple enjoying company of another person is considered cheating; in another you can kiss your friends "in game"; in third as long as there are no feelings it's not cheating.

Are swingers monogamous? Are people, who keep communicating with people, to whom they experience more than just curiosity, without doing anything extra monogamous?

But overall, even for a relatively monogamous couple, becoming someone's sexual outlet might be problematic:

Leads to frustration and even health problems in some cases for your partner unless you're ready to be there everyday for them. Even when ill, when tired, when emotionally unwell.
Sex motivated by anything other than desire to have sex is a no-go territory. Doesn't make you feel good, decreases sex drive further etc

So I'd say becoming the only sexual outlet for your partner is exactly the thing that might make sexual life, and relationships overall less healthy in the end

Practical-Clock-2173 · 2024-09-12T03:33:15+00:00

Dear Redditors, not watching porn is not suppressing your’s or anyone else’s sexual desires. You have your fucking imagination

Stop acting like you will starve because they shut down the Burger King on 10th avenue🤦‍♂️

Title	CMV: You should be your partner's ONLY source of sexual fulfillment
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	70
Comments	412
Date	September 11, 2024 3:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fedoh5/cmv_you_should_be_your_partners_only_source_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-you-should-be-your-partners-only-source-of.1530196 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530196

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