Absolute dealbreakers for dating

SoMuchForLongevity · 2021-09-25T17:27:02+00:00

stuff that might be deemed inconsequential/small

This is an important part of the question. Of course there are many huge dealbreakers that everyone knows are huge.

One of mine is: if a woman becomes visibly angry at an ex during an early date, it's over. I am almost certain that anger is going to be unfairly transferred over to me.

Anantha1996 · 2021-09-25T18:11:20+00:00

Promiscuity (high n-count, lots of casual sex)
Financially irresponsible (bad credit score, )
Bad boundaries with friends (gossip)
Inability to take care of themselves (hygiene, cleanliness, cooking)
Disrespectful (to service staff, to my time)
Poor discipline (excessive drinking/drugs)
Ideologically fervent (religion, politics, feminism, TRP)
Emotionally unstable (poorly handled mental health issues, very erratic behavior)

NiceGuyNumber4 · 2021-09-25T17:34:45+00:00

Fat.

nessaea-blue · 2021-09-25T17:26:51+00:00

it's funny, i feel like i had a decent list of deal breakers when i was single / dating. At this point, if my partner committed murder, id help him hide the body lol

mackenzie013_02 · 2021-09-25T17:34:10+00:00

In addition to all the general blah-blah-blah everyone says: - talks about his ex a lot - everyone else but him are crazy - doesn’t care about animals - unable to comprehend a different POV - doesn’t read

There’s prob more… 😅

PopRevolutionary1475 · 2021-09-25T18:36:58+00:00

If she's too needy
If she's promiscuous
If she's unclean
If she lack any sense of humor
If she constantly gossips
If she's too stubborn and argumentative
If she's a drama queen

NarniaFox · 2021-09-26T04:07:12+00:00

Drug addiction, alcoholism of just drinking to the state when they don't control themselves/don't remember their actions, smoking
Not clean records
Divorced or has kids
Racist/homophobe/sexist/pro-lifer or religious
Doesn't want to have pets or treats them badly
Badmouths all their exes
Known history of cheating
Holds dangerous occupation like firefighter or policeman/policewoman
Is into traditional gender roles
Wants me to be submissive/become a SAHM/drop my education or job
Can't take care of themselves and expects me to do so
Has fetishes or kinks I find disgusting. I'm not into most BDSM-related stuff for example, calling names, choking etc.
Bad hygiene
Has poor communication skills
Emotionally stunned/numb.
Can't make compromises
Has far more experience dating-wise than I do
>4-5 years older than I am
We don't have any common interests
Doesn't read at all
Can't hold a conversation

I'm sure I've forgotten something.

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2021-09-25T19:36:06+00:00

I dont have dealbreakers per se, but i do have things that are huge turn offs! Things that the moment a woman does them or shows certain behaviors my perception of her completely changes for the worst.

For example entitlement:, "Im pretty therefore you must do as I please,

Im pretty therefore you should fall for me asap, imma do sexual favors for you so you commit and pay my bills,

Im a woman of high standards ergo you should treat me as if I were your girlfriend but i wont give you reasons to do so and I wont reciprocate" also women that treat relationships as a commoditie, those are the worst kind of women and only a fool would date one

Childish attitutes of: " you must accept all my trash, but you must be perfect.

you must accept me as I am, but you have to be as I want,

since you re a good guy then you have to forgive my past withouth question...or else you re an insecure asshole bla bla bla"

and the cherry on the cake is when those women demand you to prove yourself to them like if they were godesses, but if you question any single flaw about them, then they start throwing monkey tantrums and attacks to your self esteem because you re not willing to invest yourself into a woman of dubious reputation, those things are attraction killers for me.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-25T18:11:37+00:00

smokes or drinks regularly
history of doing hard drugs
not happy with life in general
doesn't know what she wants
very easily influenced
overly picky
high maintainence
not a very deep person
promiscuous
hardcore feminist
doesn't take care of herself/poor grooming habits
expects of others what she won't do herself
poor communication skills
lengthy partner history

womandatory · 2021-09-26T13:10:39+00:00

Can’t reply to my detractor because they got deleted. Why would you date a porn user or a guy with lots of or even just one special woman friend?

Porn users are bad at sex. I don’t compete with other women - not irl, not online. I like sex, a lot. I like my man to be attentive to me, and skilled in getting me to orgasm and vice versa. Currently we have a pretty good strike rate for each other. If he’s pulling his dick to porn he’s bored, unimaginative, broken and/or boring. He’s incapable of intimacy and probably not even horny when he’s doing it. He does it because it’s easily available and he lacks the discipline to spend his time doing something more productive. All terrible traits in a man.

Most porn is physically and sexually abusive to women. My kink is being respected. Men who can only get aroused by or orgasm to women being harmed or even just used as mastubatory aids (let’s face it, porn is never, ever about women’s pleasure - no, not even the ‘lesbian’ stuff - don’t be stupid) aren’t nice men, even if they’re woke leftist types. Liberal feminism is nonsense. There’s nothing empowering about porn, not it’s use nor it’s creation.

Why would any woman with a shred of self respect be okay with her man tugging his dick to porn? How are you good with that? How do you make peace with ‘oh yeah, my man can’t get hard or cum unless he watches an 18yo get gang banged by three guys twice her age’? I watch porn with my man because as a young, beautiful, intelligent, successful woman in my 20s, my 30s, my prime, I am not enough for him - he needs to watch other naked women. Women younger (or older Milf’s) than me, or women of a different race, women being harmed or used or beaten, or even just being plain old pleasure-fucked - why is it okay for your lover, your partner, the person who purports to love only you to need other women bodies to be sexually satisfied? I can assure you women my age need to do no mental gymnastics to accept or allow any of that bullshit whatsoever. Get some fucking self respect. My man needs no one else because I am more than enough.

People who can’t get aroused by their own partner and orgasm with them without watching porn are damaged goods. Do you know how many couples got off with just each other before porn was streamed 24/7 on the internet? Almost all of them, except the most mentally ill ones. 30 years ago you might get to sneak a peek at a magazine every now and then, read a hot story or if no one else was around, maybe once or twice a year, load up the VCR with a terrible video where you’d have to endure the awful plot for a few minutes of super hairy men and women doing PIV or oral. This generation has soaked themselves in streamed, nasty, fake sex. There’s no anticipation or something to look forward to, because right now, your white bread date is watching a BBD gang rape of a barely legal Asian teen on his phone while you’re in the bathroom fixing your lipgloss.

I have no interest in a man who is aroused by trafficked and abused women and children, revenge porn, or some desperate pickme selling pics and videos of her masturbating with a purple dildo for $5 a month. This generation growing up thinking regular porn use is normal are missing out on actual (pain free) pleasure and deep abiding intimacy. I feel sorry for them.

Men with a woman best friend, or multiple close women friends is keeping orbiters. If you’re happy for your man to have a line-up of willing nexts, just waiting in the wings for you to let him down so they can be there to pity fuck/suck him, that’s your problem, not mine. I have a small few male friends I’ve known for literal decades and it’s never been a ‘what if’ thing, because I don’t believe in leading people on. I’ve made it a point to befriend their wives and I would never put myself in a position with them or any other man that would cause my partner to question my loyalty for a nanosecond. I wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t show me the same respect.

Maybe this is the difference between 20 and 40.

Women in their 20s are desperate to be cool - we can watch porn together (yay - I love being demoted to nearest mastubatory object) and of course it’s okay if you hang with your intimidatingly beautiful best girl friend this weekend because I am so desperate to stay consumable I wouldn’t want to get in the way. I’m not sure if it’s that you want to fuck her, or if she’s just keeping you around in case she can’t find a better option, but let me minimise myself some more to make space for you both to work it out!

Women in their 40s are not impressed by game. Most of us have demanding jobs, elderly parents and kids who need care and attention, lifelong friendships we care deeply about and hobbies/sports that require time and investment.

We are underwhelmed by needy, egotistical men who threaten us with being single (what a secret joy for many of us - oh to control the remote or have a bath or read a book in peace). We have no desire to compete with 18yo porn ‘stars’ who are broken and destroyed by the industry, faked pleasure but real sexual harm, drugs and abuse. We enjoy real, actual, intimate sex with real, actual men who care about us and our sexual pleasure , but also our difficult relationship with our terminally ill parent, or hormonal teen, or our plan to ask for a pay rise, or our need for a night alone with a bottle of wine and a good book. We have no need to be bound and beaten and spat on and choked - we’ve experienced that vicariously through being silenced and spoken over and overlooked for promotion in the workplace until we weren’t anymore, or by husbands who were just like the whiny, aggressive, porn sick fuckbois you’re dating now, or the so-called betas who rise up in angry, desperate control during a divorce.

Women my age (early 40s) have seen it all. I still get 22 yo guys hitting on me at the gym, 60-70yo men trying to impress me with their cars, boats, planes and other nonsense. I don’t give a fuck about any of them, and nor should you or any other woman with a grain of sense.

The biggest mistake any young woman makes is to acquire a scarcity mentality. That shit will fuck you up. You’ll believe you have to engage in degrading sex to ‘stop him watching porn’, or to stop him leaving you. What a load of horse shit. Men are the ones who will fuck bread, pies and fruit. Do you really believe you’re not better than a loaf of bread?? Don’t listen to the RP lads when they threaten you with being single forever for not putting up with being treated like shit, read the RP side bar and remember your worth. They need you more than you will ever need them.

Men are like cars and houses. There’s always another one. Not all men watch porn, and plenty will quit it instantly to be with you. An increasing number are seeing how badly it affects their sexual performance, thank goodness. Divorce isn’t remotely the end of the Earth - don’t let them gaslight you with that crap. These days if they’re shit LTR material you can leave their loser ass and still have a great and fulfilling life. There’s plenty of men who can earn their own money and wipe their own ass.

You don’t have to put up with any of the nonsense that’s sold to young women now. Grow a set of standards and enforce them. Most young men with a glimmer of hope in them are waiting for the opportunity to succeed. If you want a good relationship, be the doorway to that success, not the enabler of their limitations. If they offer you the same, they’re a keeper.

monstera-delicious · 2021-09-25T22:55:31+00:00

Interesting question. Sometimes we are so used to be politically correct that we can't even be honest with ourselves.

I'll try to be as honest as possible:

•he works in hospitality full-time with no prospect of moving into a new career

•he doesn't believe in mental health problems

•he's not open minded about spirituality. he doesn't have to believe in something but he has to be open at the idea of spiritual stuff

•he's shorter than me or my same height (5'3'')

•he's an artist/musician self employed

•he has untreated depression

•he is an addict (weed, alcohol, coke and any A class drugs)

•he talks constantly about himself and about his problems

•he has rotten teeth or something along those lines

•he has a very small penis

I've got so many more but I'm gonna stop for now. That's why I'm single 🙂

ashpr0ulx · 2021-09-25T19:13:11+00:00

excessive drug use/hard drug use
expects me to change or disrespects my religious or political beliefs
mean to animals/doesn’t like animals
poor work ethic
poor hygiene
rude to waitstaff
poor value system
disrespectful of boundaries
lack of emotional control/anger issues/generally negative and unhappy behavior/bad attitude
whiny/entitled

CloudBerryPunch · 2021-09-25T17:47:10+00:00

Low empathy, tells "dark" jokes, doesn't have at least one or two women in their lives they consider a friend, isn't as educated as I am or in a lower social class (themselves not their parents), isn't attractive to me, isn't someone I'd be friends with if they weren't a romantic partner.

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-09-25T17:32:42+00:00

Promiscuous

Misogynist

Red pilled

Wants 50/50

Broke

Mommy's boy

Has personality disorders/attachment issues/perversions

Criminal activity

Aggressive/abusive behavior

Low intelligence

Obese

Poor hygiene

Edit. Also chilfree is a deal breaker.

Small height, unnatractive face and small dick are serious disadvantages, but not as deal breakers as qualities mentioned above.

Demasii · 2021-09-25T18:23:19+00:00

Spiting constantly.
Wearing wrinkled clothes.
Mustaches and breads.
Being lazy at work. Not being bothered by knowing other people are picking up his slack.
Interview style dates.
Strong opinions in politics with little to no research. Covid conspiracy theories are rampant. A Sandy Hook denier is a huge no go.
Unable to have a conversation outside of the realm of his interests.
Bad logic and fallacies. Making comparisons that make no sense and keep insisting that it does just because he feels like it.
Picky eater. Only ordering chicken tenders at every restaurant.
Calling random women in public hoes and thots.
Watch TV and movies as the main hobby but unable to talk about character development, themes, moral messages, background music, SOMETHING BESIDES "it was a cool show"
Wearing the same shoes everyday.
Overhearing him talk about women throwing themselves at him.
Inconsistent about whether a particular woman is physically attractive. She is cute when she is nice to him and ugly when she isn't.
Willingly not being a part of a biological child's life.
Every one of his exes are "crazy" and cheated on him.
Self absorbed. Telling me he is surprised that I was sad about my roommate's brother's death because he thought I lacked empathy. Why did he think that? Because I wasn't "affectionate enough" to him on our first two dates.(True story)
Inviting me on dates last minute.

purplish_possum · 2021-09-25T18:31:58+00:00

I'll add too timid to my list. I hate overly submissive women.

Balance2BBetter · 2021-09-25T21:08:20+00:00

Offended by cursing/vulgarity. Preferably I’d like to be with a woman who swears a lot. (This is just a compatibility issue - I’m very profane and need someone who’s going to be comfortable with that)
Is shy/uncomfortable/ashamed when it comes to her sexuality. I want my partner to be confident about her desires, interests, kinks, fantasies etc.. likewise, someone who is really judgmental when it comes to sex (such as slut-shaming other people) is a hard no for me.
Isn’t inquisitive. I want a partner who has opinions about things, loves to learn, is naturally curious about the world. Bonus points if she goes down Wikipedia rabbit holes, reads lots of books and articles, knows random bits of information about niche topics and loves sharing them, etc..
Has unreasonable demands/expectations of me/other men she considers for a relationship. Examples of this would be absurd judgments about what I’m allowed to eat* and wear, demands I be above a certain height (even if I am above that height), who I’m allowed to be friends with, etc..

*I bring this up because I’ve been seeing a lot of weird dietary demands of men on this thread and in general lately. Some women say that it’s a red flag when guys order salad on a first date, order chicken tenders, drink seltzer, etc.. I have no interest in anyone who makes these demands of me or anyone else.

Competitive_Camera_3 · 2021-09-25T23:34:15+00:00

No respect for time.

Dagenius1 · 2021-09-25T23:37:58+00:00

Smoking cigarettes. Absolute no go

chilikettlechips · 2021-09-25T18:44:39+00:00

In order of how quick they are to find out.

Hot
Good income
Good sex
Same plans in life as me

Tip for everyone. Find out what your real deal breakers are asap. Dating gets way easier.

SSCookieLover · 2021-09-25T20:25:51+00:00

Cheaters

desserino · 2021-09-25T20:38:41+00:00

Yes but being PC prevents suicides 😁

Sharp_Slide6806 · 2021-09-25T22:06:30+00:00

Not banned okay great! Got a message that I was banned from this place.

IcarusKiki · 2021-09-26T02:29:46+00:00

not funny or has a poor sense of humor

I have found that to be the ultimate decider of whether we have chemistry or not. He could be late 90s Brad Pitt and I dry up if he doesn't find Tim and Eric funny

CraptainToad · 2021-09-26T04:00:01+00:00

obese,

overexposed gums when smiling

no humility

no ass

extremely promiscuous

fucked any of my friends

boring

prettymuchredpilled · 2021-09-26T04:17:49+00:00

For someone I'd consider a serious romantic relationship with, she can't be:

fat
a sex worker and/or promiscuous
incapable of cooking and cleaning/tidying
rude or unpleasant
addicted to substances
financially inept
a single mom

TheSmallerGambler · 2021-09-26T09:16:06+00:00

Fat. Can’t do fat. So ~70% of women are already off the table unfortunately.

Spacetalks3114 · 2021-09-27T16:26:36+00:00

My biggest dealbreaker is unkind to animals. I'm not talking about dogs, I'm talking about small helpless animals like kittens and squirrels. If he is abusive to animals, it's a red flag for me. If he can't show empathy to things that are "beneath" him, it'll probably go over into other aspects in his life (waitstaff, bad to his family, and maybe even our own children.) So yeah, he has to be respectful to all life. Hunters are the exception but most do it in an honorable way. Not just killing for fun.

purplish_possum · 2021-09-25T17:32:44+00:00

Dumb/uneducated -- I only date smart women
No career (everyone needs to work)
Religious (actually believes the BS) -- pass on magical thinking
Conservative
Racist
Too skinny
Smokes
Substance abuse issues

lemon-fiend · 2021-09-25T17:32:58+00:00

When I was single i would not go out with someone who lied, who had one night stands or someone who couldn’t have a good debate for fun.

throwawaytrumpwon · 2021-09-25T22:19:51+00:00

High body count

PeskyHijinks · 2021-09-25T18:11:33+00:00

I don't have many absolute dealbreakers, but I do have a few:

Not being an independent thinker
Having tongue, mouth, nipple, or genital piercings. I know, that's rather trivial and shallow, but they gross me out on a fundamentally visceral level that I can't get over, lol.
Acting and behaving in an aggressively masculine way
Being a misandrist, a member of misandrist group think, or extreme feminist group (I'm pro feminism, but the extreme groups are just awful). I guess throw being an aggressive SJW in there as well.

Other than those, I don't have a list of absolute dealbreakers. But if say, 9 or 10 minor irritants or red flags accumulate I would bounce.

Substantial_Wasabi · 2021-09-25T18:13:10+00:00

Has children
Having sexist/misogynistic attitude towards other women
Being cheap/not generous
Having no goals/ambition in life
Not liking animals/pets
Needing stuff like TRP to be able to date

im sure theres more but this is all i could think of atm

funlightmandarin · 2021-09-25T17:51:48+00:00

The usual dealbreakers of course, but also:

Rude to staff.
Watch sports/go to games regularly.
Mommy's boy.
Still very emotional/angry about exes, unless it's because they're dead.
Criminal behavior, but also if there's no consequence for it (like, self-check out and picking cheaper wares).
Promiscuous behavior in the past.
Has no friendly female figures in their lives.
Bad at handling their own emotions.
Overusing or obvious use of porn.
Low libido.
Drug use and abuse. I'm not 420-friendly, and I'm not cool with casual drug use unless it's for medication purposes.
Bad at finances, high debt.
Smoker.

I'll think some more and fill it in.

acornfroggie · 2021-09-25T17:49:57+00:00

Non-virgin, kissed other girls, watches porn. Those are automatic. The rest can come later.

midwestufohunter · 2021-09-25T19:30:10+00:00

yelling

putting others down

not prioritizing my wellbeing above your wants

michael1962-01 · 2021-09-25T20:27:56+00:00

Entitlement behavior.

grand_tiremaster · 2021-09-25T21:08:25+00:00

Not liking animals. I have 3 dogs, 3 quail, 12 or 13 chickens (I forget honestly), and in October I'm getting a muthafuckin' hedgie. I'm severely allergic to cats so if he has cats that would be a deal breaker. He has to enjoy the company of critters because the critters and I are a package deal. So if everything goes well, we get married, we move in together, my pets are coming too. I'm not getting rid of my pets for a man ever again. I did it when I was 18 and I was SO depressed. If he has critters as well that would be amazing, we could have a little farm.

Other deal breakers would be like political differences, spiritual differences. I am conservative and I had a 9 month relationship with a young city man back in 2018, he wasn't the type to talk about politics, but he was definitely raised more liberal than I was. Our families never met eachother. His mom was divorced from his dad and was dating this weird black guy that would her car and shit, but wasn't committed to his mom, kinda just mooched off of her it seemed like. I told my mom about it and my mom called her a slut right off the bat. It's a good thing our families did not meet. I believe in God and while I'm not extremely devout, I definitely respect the bible and my connection with God. IME athiests are very rude, forward, and pushy about their beliefs (or lack of them). They seem overly negative and passionate about proving everyone else wrong. I just wanna chill with my animals and thank God everyday that I'm alive, don't rain on me man.

parahacker · 2021-09-26T01:13:24+00:00

Complaining about exes.

i-am-the-prize · 2021-09-26T03:31:43+00:00

I am a straight male. When I was dating these were my personal turn offs (besides common ones like being rude to wait stuff, etc):

dirty or unkempt fingernails (no bonus points for French manicures or acrylic or anything flashy like that) but a woman with untidy fingernails has in my experience a higher chance of having a less than ideally maintained cooch.
bad teeth. Its a microcosm for habits, priorities, hygiene, even hints to lack of financial means for acute repair.
gets drunk on date.
unable to maintain proper levels of eye contact.
shit credit, lots of debt
A person who blamed a all of their problems on external factors- speaks of their life as they have no agency- and were victims of the universe. (or whatever “ism” or “archy” du jour)
bad kisser

GoodApollo506 · 2021-09-26T06:31:14+00:00

My Dealbreakers:

-Taller than me (I’m somewhere between 5’6” and 5’7” and am only attracted to women who are 5’4” or shorter)

-Obesity (I take care of myself…..She should too)

-Masculinity (I like women…not men)

-Short Hair (Reeks of feminism)

-Redneck/Country Girls (Just not a good fit for me)

-Party Girls/Heavy Drinkers (I don’t drink and parties have always been my personal hell)

-Single Mothers (The only thing I want less than kids of my own is to be made responsible for someone else’s)

-Super Religious (I’m an agnostic atheist)

-Daddy’s Girls (Realistically there most likely isn’t a father [or mother] on the planet who would be ok with me dating their daughter so….best they’re not in the picture)

-Has mostly guy friends (Been there…done that…I’m not interested in a woman who gets off on the attention that comes from having a bunch of horny dudes constantly trying to fuck her)

LadyM2 · 2021-09-25T17:54:05+00:00

I have so many. Short, cheap, selfish, mean, misogyny, narcissism, bad teeth, bad skin, bad breath, baldness, bad taste, obesity, weed/cigarettes/drug/alcohols, bad lifestyle (party boy), bad English, poor education, supporting Trump....... HAhahhahhahhah

moosemc · 2021-09-25T18:25:52+00:00

1) Wants kids/has kids.

2) Bad taste in movies/music/books.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-09-25T18:37:58+00:00

Not being a decent person. Not being somewhat attractive.

The rest can get the “U UP?” Text

Fudstersecured · 2021-09-25T18:43:43+00:00

Being unattractive

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-09-25T19:52:35+00:00

• Vulgar

• Curses constantly

• Can't live without eating fish (severe fish allergy yay /s)

• Anger issues

• Looks down on other people.

• Arrogance

• Smokes

• Drinks alcohol often

• Preassures me into sex

• And probably other things that I can't think of at this moment...

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-09-25T21:06:23+00:00

Argumentative, social media obsessed, "adventure" girl, poor with money (blows all money on traveling with 0 savings)

Rosifer433d · 2021-09-25T21:15:41+00:00

Overweight. I have never been overweight or underweight in my life, and considering how easy it is for someone to not be underweight or overweight - unless they suffer from a health condition - I really can't be bothered, even if she's real cute.

The average woman around here is 5'7'' and 130lbs, and I've dated as low as 90lbs on a 4'10'' woman. That is what I've grown up seeing as being normal and average, and it is what is average, at least it is in my dating ecosystem, and it was the same in the places I have lived so far.

Obviously I am not from the state of Mississipi LMAO.

AreOut · 2021-09-25T22:50:12+00:00

checking her social networks for notifications every minute or two...oddly enough my current gf used to do that when we started dating but, to my surprise, acknowledged my complaints and stopped doing that, will see how long that lasts

CFinCanada · 2021-09-25T23:19:11+00:00

Cigarettes

Hard drugs

Having a kid/s when we met

Obesity/being overweight

Religious

Favourite music being gangster rap.

Those were mine.

daddysgotanew · 2021-09-25T18:27:57+00:00

I’ll “date” just about any chick if she’s hot enough. The only immediate-stop-don’t-pass-go dealbreakers would be fat or having dangerous mental illness

Other long term disqualifications (date but not super serious) would include things like

Single mom

Divorced

Is a slut

Can’t manage money

Is dirty/doesn’t keep a clean house

Has baggage from past relationships

And many others

Kristosfer · 2021-09-25T19:43:27+00:00

Body count

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-25T22:25:46+00:00

Doesn’t have a job. Doesn’t have savings. Doesn’t drive. Can’t cook. Wants to have kids (I have my own already and I am done). Doesn’t like/want pets. Doesn’t go down on me. Plays video/tabletop games. Is Poly or wanting a non monogamous relationship. Bad at gift giving. Misogynistic attitudes. Racist/classist, overly political or religious.

Physiologist21 · 2021-09-25T23:57:12+00:00

Dumpster fire friends

Attention seeking behaviours

Big on drinking/drugs

Feminist/lefty/victim mindset

Has kids/Is fat

neetykeeno · 2021-09-25T18:07:16+00:00

Gorges on fast food every time he gets it and/or gets it regularly without highly relevant reasons. Fast food itself isn't a deal breaker...it is normal and plays a role in most diets nowadays... but if someone can't say "you know what...I need a bit of lunch in a hurry on my way from being here doing whatever and then going there to go do whatever but really a small cheeseburger and a coffee is enough to hold me over to dinner" then I don't want them in my life. I just don't think huge packs of fries and the largest size of shake and going for the two burger deal routinely is a healthy thing to even be around much less do on a regular basis. And yes this even includes if they are a body builder and turning it into muscle.

I mean not saying fast food or even an excessive feast as a treat isn't acceptable too occasionally. Like once every six months. Just it makes a bad lifestyle. And speaks to some weird shit going on in that person's brain. And even if they aren't fatter than me(yet?) I am seriously put off.

And yeah I am a fatty myself so probably there are people who think I shouldn't be allowed this as a standard. I don't care. An entire trashcan of fast food packaging is like a screaming warning siren.

mr_pro_con · 2021-09-25T17:49:02+00:00

career focused
wants to pee standing up
masculine
born above middle class
low libido
control freak
fat
within 3" of my height

plusses are being blonde, having blue eyes, being conservative, having a very high libido, and capable of nipple orgasms 😁🤷 I'm not white but have had a thing for white chicks for a long time.

reconfinement_acc · 2021-09-25T20:23:49+00:00

My deal breakers are:

Shorter than 170 cm, ugly face, small dick less than 4 inch isn't welcomed
Selfish, stingy, mama's boy, promiscuous, do 50/50, lazy
Bad hygiene

I don't understand the big deal with how he treats people in service or anything. I only care about how he treats me. In the end replacing is easier than fixing.

Perseus_the_Bold · 2021-09-26T05:45:20+00:00

The deal breaker for me is the thousands of little personal crimes, faults, insults, and threats perpetrated by women on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis which make it impossible for me to see anything other than this before I even get a chance to look at the woman perpetrating them. I am aware of my biases, but that is not the problem, my problem is that I cannot ignore my biases when they are constantly confirmed. There comes a point where the benefit of the doubt becomes foolishness on my part when the benefit is transgressed over and over again and I keep expecting a different result.

This is the deal breaker for me, and it is a permanent one because it will never cease and it will never end.

rivetcitymayor · 2021-09-25T19:13:37+00:00

If she wasn’t raised right, it’s a deal breaker. Women who weren’t brought up right will display all types of red flags

ragman75 · 2021-09-25T19:39:41+00:00

Any history of cheating on BF's for any reason outside of a guy that was literally criminally abusive
Being unreasonable
Not being principled
Excessive makeup
Dishonesty
Untrustworthy
Having a flat ass
Flatulence
Hairy forearms

old_wise_man_ · 2021-09-25T19:17:55+00:00

Promiscuous

Smokes

Has a history of being drunk and having black outs.

likes twilight

Obese

always talking about the exs

Sharp_Slide6806 · 2021-09-25T20:39:58+00:00

Definitely fat. Not thick and athletic, that’s okay. Fat fat is gross. Like glutton fat - using a sponge on a stick to wipe certain places fat. Basically just an unhealthy fat. You all know what I mean. You know an unhealthy fat body when you see it.
The thing is, there are some real attractive women that are thick, like good glutes and quads, and they might weigh more than the average skinny jeans, but that chick is a healthy stock. Like a purebred horse. She probably plays basketball or volleyball. But yea, fat fat is so gross. And also if the chick has a penis, which, unfortunately, is something dudes probably got to be worried about this day and age. Basically the worse scenario is a fat fat woman with a wanker. That’s rough right there.

womandatory · 2021-09-26T03:20:33+00:00

Porn user.
Best friend is a woman, or has multiple close women friends.
Is anti-abortion/conservative voter.
Blames his ex for their relationship failure.
Undisciplined (untreated health problems, substance abuse, unemployed, financially irresponsible, games for hours, poor personal hygiene, physically inactive, no basic routine, poor diet).

WestsideMoonWalker · 2021-09-25T17:45:35+00:00

The following list is all stuff that matters enough to me that I wouldn't be serious with a person due to them.

Political views that are right of center, dislike of public transit, having participated in an MLM before, not being from a similar socioeconomic/educational background as me, not having a similar amount of career attainment as me, disliking cats, wanting to live in a suburb, being religious, being too much of a trend-follower, being too active on social media (lifestyle compatibility thing, I basically never use any platform aside from reddit and don't like to post publicly about my life much), expecting me to own a car, if their favorite coffee place is Starbucks, disliking nature/hiking/camping, poor fashion sense, being overly flashy or flaunting a flashy lifestyle (goes hand in hand with the social media thing), not being supportive of their friends, not being able to be friends with my friends, being a doormat, being too skinny, hard drug use.

I'm kinda a snob and I own it.

There's probably other stuff but that's the best I got for now. There's also a list of traits I mesh surprisingly well with but that's for another comment.

Edit: gonna add a few more. If they have poor working knowledge of current events, poor knowledge of history, being unable to hold a long in-depth conversation with them, if they are culturally unrefined and have a limited palette with regards to food.

I-Fail-Forward · 2021-09-25T18:43:59+00:00

Somebody who is fat, im not looking for perfectly toned legs from everybody, I carry a bit of extra weight too. But if she is more than that, im not interested.

Conservative, or religious. Somebody who is that disconnected with reality is somebody im not interested in.

Finally, rude to staff. If somebody is constantly rude to wait staff for no better reason than that they can be, they arent the kind of person im interested in dating.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-09-25T18:55:00+00:00

For sex:

Not fit

For LTR:

Not fit
Secular
Older than 25
sexual history
immodest
has kids
Doesn't want to be a mother

This is a partial LARP because I'm already married to the mother of my son. But if I were forced into the dating market due to death or divorce, these would be my core criteria.

sootlord · 2021-09-25T19:27:02+00:00

There is no deal. The mutual benfit gets terminated if she pulls any ho3 shit

Notsonewguy7 · 2021-09-25T21:40:30+00:00

Isn't a music lover
Doesn't Read
Has a bad relationship with parents (only for women)
Is Religious (especially the Abrahamic faiths)
Not intellectually curious.
Has children (women) / is a deadbeat (men)

over348 · 2021-09-25T20:00:06+00:00

Low body count and not obese.

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vial_of_music · 2021-09-25T18:53:01+00:00

religious & wants kids

rad1om · 2021-09-25T19:01:40+00:00

Has/wants children

Religious

Obscene social media presence (not career related) - especially OF

Conspiracy theorist

Doesn't like pets

Bad spending habits/debt

Smoker/big drinker/junkie

Bad timekeeping

Living off benefits by choice

Bad hygiene

Obese

I could probably add some more specifics but that will do.

KJ1017 · 2021-09-25T21:20:57+00:00

High n-count, participation in any group sex. (I’m 21, I consider over 15ish to be high. So not n-count whore like some ppl here)
Any sex work(Stripping, OnlyFans etc.)
Any remaining anger from last relationship.
Talks about ex too much (means she’s stuck on him).
Overweight or Obese.
Talks shit about any of her close friends. (If you talking/doing dirt behind your close women you can’t be trusted)
Argumentative.
Interrogates her first dates. (That shit is just weird I’m dating, not under arrest)
Parrot mainstream liberal ideology, but unable to explain why they support it.
Doesn’t have a degree in a field that will lead to gainful employment. Exemption for exceptional talent.
Stutters. I cannot stand stuttering omg.
Identifies as a Feminist
lists pizza or pasta as a hobby.
Any consumption of a drug that isn’t prescribed to them, excluding alcohol and marijuana.

CubicleHermit · 2021-09-26T02:11:18+00:00

Highest single immediate "nope:" Bad hygiene, especially bad smell.
(Back when I was single, of course.)

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2021-09-26T02:38:59+00:00

Young kids, more than 2 kids living at home, wants more kids

Hard drugs (weed is okay but in moderation, not trying to date the lady equivalent of Cheech or Chong)

Excessive drinking

No job/shitty job/can't hold a job/history of relying on men for financial support

Doesn't read/lack of intellectual curiosity

No ambition

History of dating loser men

Cigarette smoker

Untreated/unmanaged mental health issues

No sense of humor/takes herself too seriously

Religious in the sense that she is fundamentalist or evangelical

Lazy/doesn't take care of herself physically

If she revels in drama and gossip

Mark_Freed · 2021-09-26T04:34:58+00:00

I think if she breaks any of my red flags in an extreme way it would be a deal breaker. But that isn't inconsequential or small, it would be obvious to most people that if you tattoo yourself all over your body or get rings everywhere your choices in dating are limited.

I wrote a list of “red flags” here - https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/pkujqb/hey_guys_what_do_you_find_unattractive_or_a_turn/hcapdej/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Maybe some or them might surprise you. I can't think of absolute deal breakers that isn't like common sense. I can imagine trying to work out any single flaw. But ok if you pressed me my deal breakers would be.

1) obese 2) chronic disease without cure 3) hates explicit speech, thinking, communication 4) low empathy 5) very sure in beliefs, intolerant, not open minded, no humility.

Psykofreac · 2021-09-26T04:57:20+00:00

Stupidity, especially since I had to suffer for the way many people I know constantly judge by stereotypes rather than learning to understand others. That caused me to become really averse to it and don't respect anyone who acts like that and ruin the image of any girl I wanted to like. I can't admire someone I don't respect and I find that important in attraction. Also, I'm just in general attracted to intelligence, nothing like beauty combined with an intriguing mind with interesting ideas, a stupid person can't exactly offer that.

ChromaticVengeance · 2021-09-26T09:39:17+00:00

Shorter than 5'9

Has a beer belly / dad body

Smokes or drinks alcohol.

Is not educated, Poor vocabulary, Swears

Is Red Pilled, emotionally distant

Devalues the importance of mental health and the journey towards healing -----> downplays my experience

Has a history of cheating

Has criminal record or anti social behaviour

Does not have driver license

Is divorced / has children

Has an N count higher than 10 or has engaged in casual s"x

Is more than 2 years older than me (I am strictly attracted to -2/+2 years older than me)

ohdiddly · 2021-09-26T10:31:59+00:00

Being a conservative is an instant deal breaker

Being super needy and jealous or insecure; super unattractive nty

I don’t think I could ever date someone who is religious, not even slightly religious

If they hate seafood to the point where they can’t even be around it, srry I am a seafood slut so that isn’t gunna work 😅 Same goes for vegans srry, I don’t mind eating vegan food every now and then, but I like to cook and I’m not going to stop cooking meat/dairy or make two seperate meals every day for someone else

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-09-26T10:57:34+00:00

no humour/only humour is to make fun about me or other people
doesn't care about mental health/wouldn't go to therapy
eats a lot of meat
doesn't like cats
bad sex
isn't into physical contact/cuddling etc
doesn't want to get married
doesn't like going for walks
slimmer and/or shorter than me
loves cars

SabineLavine · 2021-09-26T11:10:39+00:00

Smoking, drug use, video games, motorcycles......I'm not interested in anyone who has these hobbies.

SkookumTree · 2021-09-26T12:07:07+00:00

Unable to legally consent. Addicted to hard drugs. Unable to do basic hygeine.

Guarnerre1995 · 2021-09-26T12:23:49+00:00

Yes gotta add to high n count. Just raises a natural red flag

Weary-Experience-149 · 2021-09-26T12:43:21+00:00

Unfortunately, if you're male and short you'll always be a plan B or friend zone material. I have a friend who over heard this conversation with the girl he was starting to go out with. The poor bastard is really a great person, but never has any luck with the ladies. So, yeah being a short man to a woman is a deal breaker unless you have tons of money or a great job.

throwawayblue900ss · 2021-09-26T13:03:07+00:00

Dealbreakers, huh?

Well, you see, I have absurd and unreasonable standards in women.

-No single mothers

-Be FEMININE

-Don't be divorced already

-Don't be an addict

-Love children, animals, be a nurturing person (this means WANT kids!)

-Weigh less than me

-Not covered in disgusting "art"

-Mutual attraction

...and this is why I will likely die alone.

Flat_Plane_V8 · 2021-09-26T13:09:53+00:00

STDs. and Flatulence-------these are absolute dealbreakers

ARGUS_99 · 2021-09-26T13:17:40+00:00

high body count
- rude, disrespectful to people
- inconsiderate of my time
- ungrateful
- always complaining, or argumentative
- racist or discriminatory
- incapable or unwilling to do anything herself
- lack of discipline either from being an emotional wreck, unwilling to take care of her health and appearance, or incapable of controlling alcohol or drug use

MrShakedown1 · 2021-09-26T14:24:41+00:00

She's a femminist/fucked more than 0 guys/she's fat/rejects an idea of oral/anal sex.

King8Kaista · 2021-09-26T15:26:47+00:00

Drug usage

Rudeness

Being loud & ghetto

Wearing sexually provocative clothes

midwesternMD · 2021-09-26T17:03:31+00:00

No political correctness here. I’m a mid-30s well-to-do man. My absolute dealbreakers:

Fat (I stay fit myself)

Older than 32 (too old to date and potentially get hitched/start a family before she’s too old for that)

Single mother (no desire to contribute to another man’s kids wellbeing)

Smoker/drugs/addiction (seems like a basic requirement nowadays)

The rest I’ll evaluate on a case by case basis.

Mosagun · 2021-09-26T19:31:16+00:00

The obvious ones like cheater, abuser, addict, criminal. But additionally… 1. pressures me to convert to his religion or participate in religious rituals 2. won’t learn basic life skills 3. doesn’t take care of himself— lives a sedentary lifestyle, uses recreational drugs, drinks heavily, mainly eats junk food, habitually smokes tobacco, has poor hygiene, etc 4. won’t tolerate my pets 5. lacks professional ambition and plans 6. doesn’t want a monogamous marriage 7. obnoxious personality— talks too much or too loudly, makes inappropriate remarks, acts rude without justification, tries to be edgy, bases his identity around one thing, etc 8. Physically unattractive/very unattractive style 9. Sexually incompatible 10. Doesn’t care or learn about the world around him 11. Incompatible lifestyle goals— wants to live in the country, not travel, have a tradwife, etc 12. Has or wants kids 13. Has a mental or physical condition that makes him too difficult to be with 14. Has made significant, poor choices in the past (former addict, sex worker, criminal, etc) 15. Cannot be at least civil to my friends and family

Why yes, I am still single!

Advanced_Doctor2938 · 2021-09-27T02:17:08+00:00

Unreliable Dishonest Can't handle adversity Takes out his frustrations on others

shepskybuddy · 2021-09-27T16:18:58+00:00

When they talk over you and don't let you be a participant in the convo

cockridercum · 2021-09-25T21:05:32+00:00

Fat, not a virgin, debt, makes money, doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, went to college, 25 or older I want them ripe but not a prune, has voted, leftist, has male friends, likes black culture, doesn’t have a father. Basically, only a young trad wife is the only woman I’d marry. If it is just a pump and dump I don’t care, might go for chicks with dyed hair or fat chicks. They like to be peed on.

Ohms2North · 2021-09-26T01:15:59+00:00

If she doesn’t have a good relationship with her father. And if she doesn’t offer to pay for a date by the third date

Glarkin42 · 2021-09-26T02:42:42+00:00

Nonwhite, fat, prior slut behavior, can't reproduce, can't stay commited/chases fun. Also chews gum, it's fucking disgusting.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-09-25T19:28:21+00:00

Doesn’t like dogs or cats.

DreamsOfWishes · 2021-09-25T19:56:11+00:00

If they're still in the thinking phase of "what to do with my life" over 30.

Like it's ok if you haven't actively started yet, due to circumstances. Like not having the available time or money or having to finish something else first.

But I'm not fine with dating men over 30 that are like "I wanna change jobs", but then they list 5 potential carreer paths where they could switch too and the differences inbetween are huge. So not like: "I wanna be a programmer and I don't know whether to focus on Java or C++", more like "I wanna be a programmer but I don't know whether I wanna build websites or build programs.

No, I'm too old for that. Been there, done that, I'm done.

GamesOfTheMind · 2021-09-26T15:57:29+00:00

No sex by the third date.

It's my way of filtering out women who either don't accept or understand how important sex is for men or are too asexual for my taste.

Title	Absolute dealbreakers for dating
Author	lemon-fiend
Upvotes	55
Comments	549
Date	September 25, 2021 5:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pvbcz8/absolute_dealbreakers_for_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/absolute-dealbreakers-for-dating.1074338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074338

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