Is it true that a lot of guys are bitter about dating being better in their 30s?

XxLongoTxX · 2023-08-05T08:54:08+00:00

As a guy coming up on 30 I definitely understand. This all boils down to mindset. If you decide to focus on yourself and get on that grind and better yourself the women will naturally come and it’ll feel amazing! You may just look at it as “man I’ve never felt this confident before!”

You may also look at it as “none of you wanted me just a few years ago when I wasn’t making 50k a year.” A big difference is most men tend to become more financially stable around 30 and really start to develop around that age. This naturally entices many women who whether consciously or not, are seeking a provider. Some women are fine with being the breadwinner and some are ok with splitting things 50/50. But the majority of women want someone they can depend on financially as well as physically.

So after spending over a decade working on your body and wallet only to find women only want you now makes many men bitter to know that the women wouldn’t have even looked their way before so it’s forever going to be a question of “does she like me for me? Or for what I can provide?”

The evidence of this prevalence of thought is in the popularity of the song “to be a man” by Dax.

Great song by the way and strongly suggested for women to listen to to get a inside look at how many men feel and just won’t say out loud because… well it’s explained really well in the song.

MarBitt · 2023-08-05T09:16:39+00:00

If so, I can understand.

It is somewhat bitter for them if at the age when they should have been free to experiment, do stupid things and simply learn about life from the sexual side, there was no one and they spent many years of their youthful horniness alone only with porn and dick in hand.

And when he is finally with someone in his 30s, interested women demand that the men already have experience, know what they want in sex and in a relationship, and are mature enough to start a family. But many men simply miss those skipped years, when relationships were not yet primarily about whether he would be a good father and breadwinner.

Especially if the woman then has the attitude that yes, in her youth she was wild in sex and tried everything possible, but now she wants to take it seriously and won't try again anything that didn't suit her in sex, this can be psychologically difficult for a man because he simply will miss that period of experimentation and he cannot know whether he would like what he has never tried and only imagined.

RepresentativeBook62 · 2023-08-05T15:41:29+00:00

Lol as a permanent bachelor I am amazed that guys just don't get how many bad/damaged women are out there.

Guys.. It is better to be alone than abused! If you get desperate and settle for the wrong woman you will be waaaay more miserable.

Being alone is better than miserable.

Texan2116 · 2023-08-05T12:28:20+00:00

dating in my teens/early twenties was HARD. I was broke, and skinny. Had a decent job, but nothing exciting. However, managed to get married, and rode that out for twenty five years.

In my fifties dating is almost comically easy, and it is basically due to being in okay shape, and driving a nice car, and having a decent job.

Women of any age are not interested in taking care of someone else.

And probably have a bit more confidence as I have gotten older as well probably helps.

Odd_Green_3775 · 2023-08-05T11:36:23+00:00

I’m 30 now and I’ve noticed the shift in power dynamics very acutely over the last few years. It’s sad to talk about it in terms of “power” but really that’s what it is. Whichever person has more options has more power, whether they want it or not. It’s up to that individual to wield that power in an ethical way.

It’s gone from me being overly emotional about “whether she likes me or not” to me constantly thinking “is she right for me or not” and generally the girls are 100% all in.

I also understand how to talk to women so much better now. So I find it quite easy to influence them and manage their perceptions. By the way I’m NOT saying it’s right to take advantage of this and I avoid manipulation wherever possible, but I’m just telling the truth of my experience.

I also find that women make their interest known in public places a lot more now. Even compliments about how I look from women would you believe! It’s just crazy to think how different it is. I wonder if I would have lived differently had I known this younger.

I still can’t seem to find the right person for me. But dating is infinitely easier and less emotionally painful now than it used to be.

I feel so sad for men in general who are so lonely. It’s so hard in your twenties, and life only just begins to get a little easier in your 30s. I also feel really sad for all the women in their 30s who live quite tragic lives. I take no pleasure in seeing how bad it can be for them as they are “discarded” by men who are just chasing younger women. Ultimately I want to see everyone happy, regardless of their gender.

Regarding whether or not I’m bitter about all this - I have to admit it would be easy for me to slip into a vengeful state of mind and “get back” at women in return for all the bad treatment I’ve received from them in my 20s. But I do think that would be wrong. I could quite easily sleep with lots of women now by essentially lying to them about how much I care about them. But I make a conscious effort not to do that, and will actively turn down opportunities with women if I know that the interaction will be harmful to them.

giveuporfindaway · 2023-08-05T17:43:08+00:00

Why would a man want to date a woman who harshly rejected him 10 years ago and openly admits this?
Why would a man want to date a woman who is an older, fatter, uglier, more jaded, cavernous version of herself?
Why would a man want to date a woman who openly admits that you are her second, third, fourth or fifth choice of absolute last resort?
Why would a man want to date a woman who clearly thinks she settled for you and is secretly resentful?
Why would a man want to take a chance on a dating a woman who is going to give starfish dead bedroom sex because she has no real instinctual physical attraction to you?
Why would a man who intends to have children want to date a woman who is a decade past her peak fertility window?
Why would a man want to date a woman who thinks it's fair for herself to casually hookup in her twenties for ten years straight but suddenly demands a low or near zero body count man who missed this phase of life to jump right into a 3 month no-kissing, no-sex, shotgun wedding?

Why would anyone not be bitter in this circumstance?

TimeConstraints · 2023-08-05T09:57:29+00:00

I (62M) can't speak to dating in my 30s since I've been with the same woman since I was 22.

She was gorgeous when I met her in my twenties and guys would hit on her if I wasn't right next to her. She would shut them down like the Hindenburg.

The pressure on her diminished after a decade or so and then women began hitting on me in my late 30s, and hitting on me a lot in my 40s and early 50s. We were married so it was to no effect, but many of the women didn't care. They knew I couldn't/wouldn't give them a relationship and still they came.

That's subsided now. We're old and still together.

Looking back, I don't ever recall being bitter that our lives moved together but not always in sync.

___ZoSo___ · 2023-08-05T13:12:57+00:00

Look. A lot of guys just aren't in to being the "settle down" person for women.

Like, she was sexually open and did a lot of different things with a lot of different guys in her 20's but then she wants to "settle down" in her 30's and doesn't want to do the things that she so freely gave away back in her 20's. That doesn't sound appealing at all. Especially when you hear about dead bedroom situations where women withhold sex and affection after getting married.

No thanks. I'll keep my hookups and fwb's.

Confident-Tangelo440 · 2023-08-05T12:39:24+00:00

Men don’t want to view women as a reward, so when they reach 30 and are successful (the few who are), they feel resentment that the increase in attention from women, comes from the fact it’s because of the wealth and not from the innate character of the man himself.

Nobody likes to be objectified, even men.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-08-05T09:19:28+00:00

The thing is it's no better in your 30's than it is in your 20's nowadays. Modern dating is just awful. That's the truth!

Zabadoodude · 2023-08-05T11:15:21+00:00

Some definitely are bitter about it. Especially the men who put in a lot of effort and had no success at all when they were young.

Personally I've also noticed dating getting better in my 30's, but I had enough experiences when I was younger, that I don't feel like I missed out on anything important.

purplish_possum · 2023-08-05T14:37:27+00:00

It's not true because this trope is not true.

The only guys for who dating gets better in their 30s is the small subset of guys who didn't date or dated very little in their teens and 20s. For them of course something is better than nothing.

Dating in your teens and 20s is new and exciting. Nothing beats the feeling of being 18 and having a pretty 18-year-old girl look up at you with big doe eyes.

When you're over 30 that look is replaced by a soul sucking blankness most of the time. Dates become basically job interviews with entitled women who vastly overestimate their worth. Or alternatively, desperate attempts by women with shit lives to secure a chump to bail them out.

Guys who think dating in their 30s is good missed out on what good dating actually is. Sucks to be them.

2023-08-05T11:07:24+00:00

Depends whether you feel you missed out or not

kkkan2020 · 2023-08-05T14:27:09+00:00

Long story wasted time...who wants to be on standby mode for 8-10 plus years while women supposedly can hit the ground running from day one.

macone235 · 2023-08-05T09:02:33+00:00

Look at it this way. If a man stays with a woman after she hits the wall, what does that mean? If a woman stays with a man after he climbs the wall, what does that mean?

I wouldn't say it's being bitter as much as it's just realizing that your role as a man is to give love, and not receive it no matter what age you are, how tall you are, how attractive you are, etc. You're either a tool to be used, or a tool to be ignored, but either way - you're still a tool.

I think for a lot of men who were not raised on traditional gender roles and love, but idealistic versions instead, it makes the difficult job of coping with the male experience even more difficult.

No_Ask_2241 · 2023-08-05T10:31:35+00:00

I don't know about others but I am not really bitter about this fact, more sad and disappointed. That its only after improving a whole bunch do most men catch women's eyes otherwise they are just invisible to them.

M_LaSalle · 2023-08-05T18:44:45+00:00

I think a lot of people miss the point here. The question isn't really whether the guys are bitter or the dating is better. The whole bitter/better thing is wide of the mark.

The standard advice that guys get is that thy should work on themselves during their twenties while the twenty-something women chase, fuck, and maybe marry guys in the thirties who worked on themselves. (Presumably the women weren't being celibate while the guys worked on themselves.) The real question is how do the twenty-something guys who know that dating success and marriage is at least a decade away react? Are they incentivized to "work on themselves" or do they spend that decade when dating and marriage is not on offer playing video games or what have you, or otherwise not preparing themselves for a relationship that they may never get?

When the rewards of adulthood are postponed by a decade or so, people stop having as much incentive to pick up the burdens of adulthood. I certainly favor guys "working on themselves" for any given definition of that term, but if the prospect of dating success is put back into their thirties then I question how much incentive they actually have to do it.

unda_ya_skinnnn · 2023-08-05T10:01:03+00:00

You have to think about it like this. Most guys in their 20s will watch women have guy after guy throw themselves at her for any and every little thing, while dudes sit in the background and randomly get attention. Then once they turn 30, now all of this attention that they watched all these females get in their 20s is magically starts coming towards them, and they're mad because they felt like they should have had that same attention in their 20s too.

bruhminer · 2023-08-05T13:52:51+00:00

I am yet to meet IRL one these guys who suddenly became so much more attractive in their 30s, I think this is just a fantasy redpillers came up with like "the wall". If you didn't get women in your 20s you sure as hell ain't getting much in your 30s either.

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2023-08-05T11:03:12+00:00

Women get all the attention in the world at 20, whereas men are seen as immature, underdeveloped and of low status at that point. Men have to climb up and make it to finally be worthy of attention, and that takes time so that most who manage will be around 30 when that happens.

The number of women who seem to be only dating up and wanting to be with much older men is astonishing. When you are 30 and already in a relationship, all the early 20 women giving you attention are eye opening. The number of older women who are now suddenly interested after going through dozens of older, wealthier men, and now suddenly see you is what's making some bitter. Why would you, after a decade, suddenly want to end up with someone who went through so many relationships. They seem to think they can now settle down and they feel entitled. Well, no. Who in their right mind would want to be the 34th boyfriend to a woman who obviously didn't give a shit mere years ago?

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-08-05T09:49:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

iT_I_Masta_Daco · 2023-08-05T11:31:41+00:00

Hmm bitter, maybe.

I'll tell you my story.

From my 10 to 18/19 years. Girls/women didn't like me It was like they collectively hated and/or were disgusted by me.

Obviously it was due to me being fat, insecure, timid and a nerd. However i didn't deserve to be treated like that. I never spoke or said weird things to them. I just minded my own business. Yet women would go out of their way to make sure i knew that they were disgusting just by me existing and minding my own business.

Never felt kindness, love or affection from girls/women during those ages, while my counterparts did get their first kiss, first whatever.

I finally got a gf after working out A LOT when i was 19/20. So i would say from my.. 24 and on, i finally started seeing what i had missed during those young ages.

Needing to catch up, i didn't want a relationship... because why would i become serious and not also live through the fun and careless times my male counterparts had?.

Fast forward to now. I'm 32. I have countless women in my phone texting me and setting up different (seks)dates (humble brag).

Sometimes i meet women and they say: "I'm done playing around, i want to settle." And i can't help but think.. you were playing around, doing all crazy fun stuff and now you want to sucker me into having to deal with your insecurities, shitty behaviour, useless discussions, anger/temper issues and mental games in a relationship? No thanks.

I'm good girl, just put out or get out and get some other dude to spend money on you.

Needless to say i'm pretty much done with relationships. I have done it all alone, even though i had some short unsuccesful relationships. There is nothing for me to gain when getting into a LTR with a woman.

I would say the era for me is meeting a woman and growing together is long gone and with that the future of having a LTR. As i see it now, the only thing they can get from me is a good conversation, good night in the bed and that's it.

Am i bitter? Maybe, but in my sense i have all the right to do so.

I do have to say i never treat the women bad or anything like that. I let them know from the beginning i'm not looking for anything serious, so they know what they're getting into.

jverveslayer · 2023-08-05T08:54:25+00:00

I haven't really gotten to the age where I feel this much yet, but in my observation and experience, dating only gets harder after you turn 30, all else being equal. If you're improving yourself a lot, or especially if you were unattractive/awkward/weird when you were younger, then you can definitely have a better or much better dating life in your 30's. But you aren't going to get more attractive just by aging, and you're going to start getting cut out of more and more girls' consideration due to your age.

I didn't have much success with dating before my mid-20's (a couple nice gf's but I rarely got that much interest until I started working on that area of my life). I definitely wouldn't call myself bitter about it, but I do wish I knew what I know now at a much younger age. I spent years putting off self-improvement in that area, mostly just from fear and avoiding discomfort, when I could have began that journey and creating those experiences earlier

bifewova234 · 2023-08-05T14:13:41+00:00

Dont date a woman who has been banging Chads til shes 30 and now wants to settle down.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-08-05T14:38:32+00:00

The shift and that men get more attention in their 30s is a fact actually, at least as far as dating apps are concerned. In Dataclysm, it was shown that women get the most messages in their early 20s, then there is a decline, and an even sharper decline after 30, and by 40 they barely get any. Men on the other hand get most messages in their mid 30s and it stays more or less the same at least up to 50 or so.

The men who are disatisfied are the guys who clearly got zero to little attention when they were younger, then started getting significantly more attention later. And they are bitter because they are now getting older less attractive women who have given it up for free to Chad and Tyrone and probably have more baggage as well.

fuckthemoddsofreddit · 2023-08-05T15:16:22+00:00

OP. here's what it is.

It's the idea that you were ignored your entire life and NOW women who are getting more desperate or are 'experienced' pick you to the be the safe settle down guy.

Its like, if you ask a girl to the dance and she says no at first, but then a week later says 'heyyyy you still free'. As a guy, you would say wait, what changed? You probably didnt get the guy you wanted and now I'm the backup plan.

Its not a good feeling compared to finding someone who picks you first.

Nihi1986 · 2023-08-05T11:57:56+00:00

It can make you bitter if you think too much about the reasons same it could make you bitter in your 20's.

In your 30's, you probably aren't doing better just because of your money and their desperation for stability, but you might realize those things play a big role and you were a B plan for decades when you needed them the most and now are expected to just be really glad she's dating you...

I think it's a bit stupid, if you are dating a wonderful woman who makes you happier then just be glad and stop overthinking these things...but yeah, it's nowadays with internet and widespread cynicism a little too difficult to see that woman how you should be seing her.

Personally, as someone in my 30's, I think most of the women I date would've dated me in my 20's too, so it's fine, though I can also see how, in a shallow way, women are lowering in value while mine is increasing or at least stabilizing. I have learnt to be an adult, responsible, mature, level headed but also funny, conventionally masculine and confident while also emotionally intelligent and empathetic...then I see these women in their 30's or 40's basically being like teenagers and....dude, yes, I do become bitter, it's like I was asked to do a lot when they had almost no work to do and little consequences for that.

Anyway, most women aren't lying though, if she likes you now she likes you now and that's great, just try to be happy, let her make you happy and make her happier too.

TomatoFuzz · 2023-08-05T12:56:43+00:00

Have you guys ever read a book called Seasons of a man’s life by Daniel J. Levinson? It’s one of the first long studies done on adult male development and identity.

Believe it or not, there’s a ton of research on identity. The difference stages from childhood until later adulthood. They all have a factor to play in a person’s behavior.

In our 30s we reached early adulthood. That means a person finally understands their needs and wants. Childhood is no longer the biggest influence on one’s life. Childhood is where a person gets their understanding of the world by their parents… and parents means capitalism ideologies.

Anywho, there is more to life than sex. Women are not punishing you. We are all independent beings trying to find their truth in a messed up world.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-08-05T23:15:14+00:00

Literally it just seems like every time women have a single negative feeling y’all want to make a thing about it.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-08-05T10:46:56+00:00

Those are probably the same men who don’t want women over 25

THExBEARxJEW · 2023-08-05T13:22:02+00:00

Yup. Which is why I don’t date women around my age. Either much younger or much older.

Tallfuck · 2023-08-05T10:39:53+00:00

Honestly, if they are bitter it’s a red flag. Angry when nobody pays attention to them, and angry when they start paying attention to them.

I dated when I was 31-32 and I fucking loved that shit. They aren’t (or shouldn’t be) the exact same people that didn’t like you when you were 22, so why be bitter? You just hate women at that point.

legend0102 · 2023-08-05T10:35:51+00:00

As long as she is young, from 20 to 25, then it’s okay. They are the same women. You are just a little older.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-08-05T10:40:35+00:00

If a man raises his relative SMV rank among men over time by working out more, becoming successful, improving social skills then it makes zero sense for him to be bitter that he NOW gets more female attention. WTF? He's more attractive, so now more women are attracted to him.

Now, if a man really made no changes and still has roughly the same relative SMV rank, but is now getting attention in his 30s from women who never would have talked to him in their 20s, I could see this creating some bitterness. Basically, this might seem like AF/BB to him. These girls wanted to screw the hot guys when commitment and marriage were not an issue. But now that they are, they are gonna go look for guys that are dependable even if they are not as attracted to them.

This is not necessarily the only way to interpret this, but I could see some guys feeling this way.

FourthHarbinger · 2023-08-05T13:37:33+00:00

I'm not in my 30s yet but I am already bitter about dating. Have been since 14ish. If women do actually start to want me in my 30s, which I'm not expecting, I could see feeling bitter or resentful or whatever

TLDR_ItsOver · 2023-08-05T09:51:12+00:00

Fucking ch*d in their 20s and settling for Billy beta in his 30s

Ohmaygahh · 2023-08-05T14:30:00+00:00

It's true for me. I've had to make my peace with it.

I've had to really refine my focus when meeting a girl and imagine if she would have chosen me when I/she was younger or it's only because of negative "life experiences" that she's attempting to do a 180 from the usual men she used to date/fuck.

I feel that men that experience this progression, we sort of become judge and arbiter of a woman's real intention, and are skeptical of the capacity of the women to be good/love you because of such bad experiences, for so many years.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-08-05T23:14:39+00:00

What a bizarre thing to complain about. Deal with your emotions. Stop making everything about how women are awful.

Zombombaby · 2023-08-05T15:05:55+00:00

I watched my high-school male friends pee in hallways, drive drunk, do drugs, and basically have unhinged adolescent behaviour throughout their late teens to early twenties. The emotional immaturity and lack of self awareness is such a turn off that of course its harder to date them. Men in their 30's tend to have it together more, not be as selfish, have the life experience to recognize not everyone else is some brainless NPC just filling up space around them.

And that's honestly most young adults and teenagers to a certain extent. Women are expected to mature more quickly and more often do as we usually run entire households or assist our families in running households at an earlier age. But yeah, I'd never date a man or woman in their twenties as someone in their 30's. The maturity level is just too low.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-08-05T08:54:21+00:00

The guys that are bitching about it, are the guys in their 20’s right now who nobody wants to date, but they genuinely believe once they hit 30 they’ll be a load of woman who’ve “hit the wall” and are now forcing themselves to settle with them so they have guaranteed babies and somebody to pay for them. They don’t want to be taken advantage of

However, we all know in the real world if you weren’t dating in your 20’s is very unlikely to change in your 30’s especially with the mindset that woman are only out to use you. People both men are woman feel more comfortable in their 30’s to start making roots and their more financially stable for a family, by this point your both mature enough to realise what you want in a partnership and who your compatible with

It’s just a fantasy for the guys moaning,

ArmDiscombobulated29 · 2023-08-05T10:01:01+00:00

No because I was lucky a lot and now even more lucky being 30, it’s great not bitter no reason for it

I think those who are bitter probably still aren’t that successful

Be like Charlie Sheen, a total freaking rockstar from mars and love it

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-08-05T10:28:00+00:00

The simple answer to this is don't date a woman who rejected you. I mean, wouldn't that be super awkward anyway?

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-08-05T14:03:10+00:00

Sometimes men seem to get bitter because they think women are just settling for them now that the biological clock is ticking. Which who knows, maybe sometimes that’s true, but certainly not always. I’m a woman and got very little interest in my early 20s when I should’ve been getting the most, I thought I was ugly but really I was just painfully shy and awkward and didn’t get out enough. Then around age 26+ I start getting all these 22-25 yr old men hitting on me, many of them attractive, and I’m like “ok where tf were you when I actually wanted you.”lol But the truth is they didn’t know I existed until I became more outgoing. Am I bitter I didn’t get to enjoy my early 20s? Yes, bitter at my parents for setting me up to be a social reject. Bitter at men for not noticing me hunched up in the corner like Gollum? No.

lolthankstinder · 2023-08-05T18:51:12+00:00

If I were to graph my dating success from 18 to 28, it would have exponential growth. 18-22 was awful. 23-26 was miserable. 27… wait what? I haven’t really changed anything about myself except got older, can grow a beard now, and make a little more money. All these years women (in general) have been telling me my lack of dating success is my fault and I need to “improve” but it seems it was actually just women having unrealistic expectations for young men the whole time.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2023-08-06T02:05:37+00:00

Bitter? Not really. I had a ton of fun in my 20s (when I wasn't married). But once 30 hit, I realized that a lot of women my age are often pushy to get married, if they haven't already. I understand why they may be like that, but the sense of desperation some exude is really unattractive - some what like a 20-somethink broke dude. With OLD, I tend to date women in their mid to late 20s because of that. If I meet them in person, I'll date up to about 35, but I'm leaving if she gets pushy. I've seen too many horror stories from guys who got legally entangled with such a woman.

Enough_Chemistry3258 · 2023-08-05T18:44:30+00:00

Bitter as in it proved most women are full of crap. Lol

Ogdocon · 2023-08-05T23:15:46+00:00

I’m approaching 30 and it’s better but the options are all just single moms, married and coupled looking to cheat & gold diggers & OF sex workers. There’s literally nothing else lol.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-08-05T14:47:42+00:00

The reason that dating is better in your 30s for a few reasons.

When you're older, you (usually) have more emotional maturity and experience. If you get rejected, left on read, or your crush doesn't reciprocate your feelings, it's not that big of a deal and you can move on easier and quicker. In the teenage years or early twenties, you would have been absolutely CRUSHED if that happened to you and would have continued thinking about them months, or even years later.

Plus (most) people are not as picky and shallow in their 30s. When you're 21, the girls may have wanted the tall, smooth talking chad but now that they're 34 and still single, they'll be willing to relax their standards because 1. The really high value guys are taken, 2. They may want to start a family or have kids from a previous relationship so now they just want a guy who they think is capable of raising children, 3. Most guys in their 30s start getting fat so they have no choice.

strawberrycapital_ · 2023-08-05T20:14:55+00:00

of course. then women shame you for “living in the past” or “making up for lost time”. very annoying. thats what happens when the tables turn (just waiting on my turn 🤞)

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-08-05T22:45:12+00:00

Some of it is bitterness about missing out on the life experience of sexual variety. Now, that is completely fine if a man finds a woman who genuinely desires him later. And yes, a part of this means she desires him sexually, in a passionate way. This can make up for all that lost time. All's well that ends well.

But the problem that a lot of guys talk about, and what happened to me personally, is those women who overlooked these guys in their 20s have now, in their 30s, shifted their priority from men who are sexually desirable to men who are stable and practical.

The guy thinks he is finally getting that relationship based on true desire that he always wanted, but really he is now being chosen for practical reasons. He does not get what the men who were selected for their sexual attractiveness got when the woman was in her 20s. The passionate, adventurous sex and the beaming admiration is not there. Sex is passable, at least in the beginning, but that is hardly guaranteed as the relationship continues.

Now, it doesn't always play out this way. I believe it can work out and people can find each other later in life and have a practical as well as passionate relationship. I'm glad it does. Sounds like you're happy and that's great.

But you asked about guys who are bitter and yes they exist. They have all the good stuff on paper. Steady job, life together, kind, respectful, willing to commit. But they're not sexy and if you're not sexy you will never know what it's like to receive genuine desire from a woman. This is what causes the bitterness.

Commercial-Formal272 · 2023-08-05T23:58:35+00:00

I think part of the mindset is due to the perception of value. It's often said, and not without some truth, that a large portion of a woman's value to a man is tied to their youth, due to it impacting their beauty, fertility, and amount of baggage. A man's value to a woman is said to be tied to their resources and ability to provide stability, which are both things that tend to increase with age. The result is that if two 30 year olds are dating, then the woman is getting the man at his "prime", but the man is getting the woman past her prime and declining. This is mostly a moot point if it's 20 year old women dating 30 year old men, though that does increase the competition that 20 year old men have to deal with, which can cause some bitterness there.

Wide-Possibility-178 · 2023-08-06T04:47:15+00:00

At your 30’s the dating power pool shifts, many women who chased a certain lifestyle usually realize they have no time left. As a youth they call you broke, a child, or inexperienced. But when your not any of that they have nothing to say and usually realized their lack of power.

AutoModerator · 2023-08-05T08:20:42+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Admiral_Gecko · 2023-08-05T10:13:10+00:00

I’ll let you know when I hit my 30s

c0pkill3r · 2023-08-05T12:20:16+00:00

I don't know. On dating apps and even here on reddit, even guys who are a decade younger than me (I'll be 35 in September) physically look too old. I've had guys send me pics here on reddit, and they look 24-25, and I just mute and hide the conversation. And the person could be so old they are legitimately on the verge of death, I could still fall in love with them easily just from their words and thoughts. I don't have to really look past anything physically. There's nothing there to look past. That's just not how dating on the internet usually works though. If he doesn't look freshly turned 18 level of beautiful and can't impress me with his mind I simply do not care.

In other news I think a young Stacy who was in love with me might have killed herself recently. Yesterday I had a mental breakdown from the thought. I was so upset I don't think I could have told someone what time it was, day of the week, who the president was, or what my name was. I was crying really bad, feeling abject horror and disbelief. Terror. I was saying to myself "it took another one" (will be the 4th suicide victim I've loved). I felt so afraid I might have pissed myself, passed out, or vomited involuntarily. That didn't happen. But my mind was exiting my body so hard I would feel this alarmed feeling in my body occasionally like I was losing control of it. If my face wasn't red from crying I would have been very pale. There were very sudden strong bursts of anger occasionally. Hard hitting but faded fast. Sudden punctuations but then dissolved back into the crying. The crying was uncontrollable wailing. Almost like a toddler. I expect this to happen again and I know the bad anger will come soon. Part of me is waiting to hear from her. I messaged her on onlyfans... But yea... No reply. No double checks indicating she read it.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-08-05T13:02:09+00:00

I'm in my late 30s, I'm one of the rare cases where I probably look better now than when I was 20 and I get attention from younger/hotter women now than back then.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-08-05T13:15:01+00:00

I had an amazing time dating >25. But I think a big part of that was having mostly older girlfriends when I was <25

Nate_Reborn · 2023-08-05T15:56:16+00:00

Bitter is an interesting word.

I'd say it's a bitterness towards themselves that gets projected onto the men/women who had successful experiences when they were younger.

The reality is that, as much as we may hate it, everyone is socialized differently.

Most average people have average lives, and generally find people to date/have sex with in their 20's, etc.

For those who don't, it can be for a whole host of reasons:

- No dad at home to learn from

- No access to other men who are doing great with women

- Parents not involving you more in social stuff as a kid

The list goes on. It's also safe to say you probably didn't have an average upbringing.

In any case, if you aren't put in situations where you take social risks, and learn the mating game, it can be hard to understand why. Especially when you're young, and you only know what you know.

This is where I hold a lot of sympathy for those who feel left behind. Every child doesn't grow up the same, and it has very real consequences down the line. It can also be difficult to have conversations about these things with people who did, because they simply can't relate or understand what happened to you.

Unfortunately, for most, this is where things stop. They let the resentment bottle up, which just turns into a deep depression, and they quit. Instead of digging deeper to realize that they want more out of life. Sure your childhood may not have been average, but you can still build a great life today.

The challenge is that this path requires a lot of forgiveness, acceptance, and hard work. When you know there's better out there and refuse to try, you can no longer blame your childhood/women/whoever. It's now up to you to grasp what you want.

SolidusMonkey · 2023-08-05T17:35:50+00:00

Dating is absolutely not better in your 30s. Unless you're an extremely successful and rich man, there's little to no point. If anyone was worth dating in their 30s, they'd already be partnered up. At 32, I'm basically forcibly checked out of dating. Sucks I never got to meet anyone. Thanks, depression and poverty!

Least_Ride1826 · 2023-08-05T18:08:53+00:00

Well, I am 32. I’d say dating in America for me still isn’t very easy though (for understandable reasons), but the biggest change I’ve noticed is the amount of women obviously looking for a provider coming my way now. I’ve bounced around all the FAANGs for the best part of a decade now (once you intuitively understood leetcode and system design its easy), and I’ve always been a saver, so I can understand why I basically have ‘provider’ stapled on my forehead hahah. I filter those women out though, I’m not your hoe retirement plan ma’am 🙂 I’m also planning on moving to the Philippines early next year though, so that’ll super charge my dating life all on its own!! Very excited about that 😁

As for feeling bitter or anything? I don’t feel that way. I have high functioning autism, so I’ve always understood that dating will be a challenge for me (just the way my luck played out, and its not womens fault either of course). So for me, a challenging dating life is just normal, all I do is focus on going on more dates, seeing what works and what doesn’t (including taking notes after dates), and continuously seeking to improve 🙂

Workaholiconew · 2023-08-05T19:59:58+00:00

In a way? Yes.

Imagine someone is giving you scraps and consider themselves a god...

sexual_powerhouse · 2023-08-05T20:41:58+00:00

I can see someone seeing bitter if they got 0 play before. It definitely got easier for me the more I got into my 20s. But that's mostly because it takes time to put on lean muscle. Showing your physique and decent job title on dating apps definitely helps a lot.

CompetitiveReality · 2023-08-05T22:08:15+00:00

MrBrittle · 2023-08-05T22:50:29+00:00

I'm a man who was rejected a lot as a teenager, but I'm very desirable now at 31, but I'm not single.

I now have 2 high-status jobs and a girlfriend 7 years younger than me, and I take considerable offense when a woman shows any sort of interest in "me" as I get the sense that they are keeping an eye on my resources as well as feeling the desire to compete with my girlfriend. On the one hand my ego is high, on the other hand I feel resentment that someone is trying to use me.

I really don't like it, but if I were single I wouldn't feel any remorse about using these women for sex since they only have an eye on my resources. Some women who rejected me have gone back and seen qualities in me that I always had but were previously invisible.

This resentment is not healthy for me, so if my current relationship goes wrong, I won't be able to trust another woman. And one thing that weighs in my girlfriend's favor is the fact that when she started dating me, I wasn't as well off as I am today, and since she was with me before, she deserves me now.

SteveSan82 · 2023-08-06T04:03:56+00:00

40s has been the best for me. I beat my record 6 months ago with annual lays and have a new plate since June

froderenfelemus · 2023-08-06T09:38:04+00:00

I think it has a lot to do with maturity and their self esteem. Men are more or less fully developed in their 30’s compared to 20’s. Maybe the men’s standards got lower since they wanted a relationship, but no woman was interested in him.

King-SAMO · 2023-08-06T16:57:28+00:00

Not exactly, but I certainly did not appreciate women of my age cohort trying to admonish me for dating around. Some of them were dates who wanted more exclusivity that I wanted, and some of them were peers who just did not appreciate that I wanted to date around while they were looking for a long term partner, but a couple of times I got a bit cross with someone for hating on my love life during a period when I was just enjoying being single.

Psychological-Bug261 · 2023-08-06T18:16:45+00:00

There were times where I was bitter about it, but not really anymore. Life is good. Of course women want a more mature, capable guy who is secure in himself and so on. I myself would want me more now.

But how do I treat her? Depends on her. I don't bother with women who are not feminine and friendly. I also don't deal with a past, they have decided to side with this style, so I give them the golden opportunity to continue it.

asofiro_ · 2023-08-06T19:53:13+00:00

Late bloomers get hit by fomo pretty hard. Women are pretty much open books if you give off a non-judgemental vibe. They'll list their whole history. Hard for guys who had no sex for years to grapple with. No man wants to think his girl fucked Gigachad, because he’s a lot to compete with.

Dating isn't fun in your late 20s or 30+ because nobody really has enough time to form relationships normally. You often end up speed running the first stages or get burned out by it.

Online dating adds a new dimension to this and creates an unnatural bond between people based on nothing but looks.

neostoic · 2023-08-06T22:50:05+00:00

First of all, TRP is a narrative. In it our protagonist, the man, overcomes his challenges, gets the girl in the end, while the villains get punished. Who were the villains? Well, the feeeeemales of course. So the bitterness comes packaged in the TRP starter pack, right next to that feeling of moral superiority.

This of course does not change the fact, that guys in their 30s may have legitimate reasons to feel bitter, just the same as gals.

recessbadger45 · 2023-08-07T04:21:19+00:00

You don't need a girlfriend or woman to be happy.I just put getting into relationships least of my priorities.It just never really interested me. Then again i never dated or been in a relationship.

Title	Is it true that a lot of guys are bitter about dating being better in their 30s?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	149
Comments	496
Date	August 5, 2023 8:20 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15ipy98/is_it_true_that_a_lot_of_guys_are_bitter_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-true-that-a-lot-of-guys-are-bitter-about.1227656 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227656

Comments