Here are my dating hot takes. What are yours?

Demasii · 2023-03-30T16:40:58+00:00

Don't date people who don't have hand soap at their bathroom sink.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-03-30T16:16:35+00:00

I don’t think these are all hot takes. Most of them are just “yeah makes sense in most cases” takes

beyoncestan23 · 2023-03-30T20:13:25+00:00

Both genders lie about how shallow they are to look like better ppl, only to be disappointed in the end. Most men say they want nice girls who like them but what they truly want is a beautiful woman they can show off and boost their ego as a representation of their success. Most women that are ok with 50/50 are cheating themselves because it is not realistic. Our culture burdens mothers more than fathers and even without that the woman will do more domestic work. It always shows when they see another woman who is ‘taken care of’. Im a woman I’ve been on both ends and Im speaking of my personal experience. Most ppl are delusional. If you’re a 6 you will easily attract and date another 6, the issue is a lot of 6’s want to attract 9’s and the 9 knows they’re out of your league. Success is extremely attractive and we all need to stop pretending it doesn’t increase someone’s value, both ways

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-03-30T19:02:37+00:00

The majority of couples are average people together. Most couples are within the same "league" of looks and same socioeconomic status.

Both genders have selfish people who want a partner who is too good for them and if they dont get this, they are "settling" This entitled attitude is on the rise in general in the USA.

This one doesnt apply to just dating and its my least favorite thing about people in general- it takes on average 1 year of frequently and intimately interacting with someone to be able to know them pretty well. You also have to get to the point where they feel comfortable with you. Only then do you know them.

Philip8000 · 2023-03-30T19:30:51+00:00

For as much as we talk about equality, men are usually expected to make the first move: asking her out, planning the date, kissing, sex, etc.
A man's biggest handicaps are struggles with social skills. I did a survey on the virgin forum once indicating close to a third are on the autism spectrum and if I restricted it to 30+, the number would probably be higher. You can be the best boyfriend material in the world, but it won't matter if you can't read and give off the necessary vibes.
I also believe there is what can be termed a "sexual underclass": those reaching 30 or older who have had no luck finding anyone. Misogynistic men advocating violence against women get all the media attention, but there are far more who don't have these attitudes, and instead deal with their loneliness quietly.
Dating's difficult for men and women, but it's difficult in different ways. Women end up having to deal with creepy men, sometimes from a very young age. Most men aren't creeps, but the few who are have a disproportionate impact, forcing you to be on guard. My sister had to deal with a stalker at work last year, and this was far from the only one she's had to deal with such things. Out of women I've known, it's harder to think of who hasn't encountered abuse and sexual assault than has. With dating profiles, you've got to sift through zero-effort messages and disgusting ones.

Conversely, if you're male, you have to gather the courage to make that approach. Sure, your macho jerks are never going to give a damn if they frighten women, but you do. This often isn't easy for men, especially if you're someone who's already faced a lot of rejection. It's even more difficult if it's vicious, which I can say from first-hand experience. Social awkwardness is seen as creepy and while I understand women have reason to be cautious, it still sucks being on the receiving end. With online dating, maybe one in ten messages will get a response, and maybe one-tenth of those will lead to a date, unless you've got an outstanding profile.

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-03-30T16:27:15+00:00

Women who constantly bang on about the importance of personality or confidence don’t give a shit about it whatsoever. It’s like the female equivalent of nice guys saying that they’re a nice guy. Not once have I ever seen these women follow their word.

The ones that do never have to shout it out from the rooftops in my experience.

babastart · 2023-03-30T18:54:21+00:00

Modern dating sounds fucking exhausting.

ThorLives · 2023-03-30T17:14:51+00:00

I heard a quote on a podcast recently (paraphrasing): "Some people are 'sparky'. It doesn't mean they're a good partner. They just spark attraction in a lot of different people." The converse is also true.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-03-30T18:04:50+00:00

3) What hurts so bad about being friendzoned after a few dates is you two may have been objectively a very good match. She initially liked you and you had amazing convo chemistry. You just sucked at making moves and driving it in a sexual direction is all, and you blew your chance.

Initial attraction doesn't predict long term attraction. I've lost interest in attractive men when they revealed a tendency towards superstition or conspiracies, weird fetishes, obsessive behavior, preoccupation with others, etc.

Wouldn't matter if they made a move, the minute they do or say something which reads as a major character flaw to me, I'm done.

TotalTravesty · 2023-03-30T16:13:15+00:00

The men who talk the biggest shit about never committing to X/only using X for fun (n-count, weight, etc.) would wife up the first girl who was “attractive enough” and promised regular sex. There are no red pills when the dick is satisfied.

Similarly, girls who joke about “Icks” for online clout will abandon their icks for the first attractive guy who offers them a path out of these streets. There are fewer women who are happy with hoeing around as there seems.

But above all else: some ~~guys~~ people cannot be helped because they are their own worst enemy. Don’t waste your sympathy, just watch in the implosion from a safe distance.

0DarkFlirty · 2023-03-30T18:02:36+00:00

Average Man's biggest problem with dating is behaving/acting sexy not necessarily being a "bad person" or a "bad listener". You might just be boring and don't turn her on.
Being/Looking/Acting more MASCULINE will almost always be better than being less. You are not Harry Styles.
Make a move as early as you can detect that you can. You need a killer instinct, most Women will not make the first move at any stage
Sex matters a lot. If the sex is whack and she manages to gaslight herself into thinking it doesn't matter that much you will be in a world of hurt later.
Any body type will have some population of Women attracted to it. Yes there are absolutely beautiful women who are physically attracted to an "ugly" guy. Maybe her type was imprinted when she was younger
Straight Women like have sex with Men not Women in a Man's body. Being more stereotypically male probably isn't gonna be a huge problem.
Successful Men don't complain about their problems and cry looking for sympathy. Seriously, no one actually gives a fuck. Get a therapist, get some help, do something to keep moving forward.

New_Hat8820 · 2023-03-30T23:49:58+00:00

So basically, your hot take is that men do all the work while women sit on their throne and pick dudes like infinity stones.

Great, welcome to feminism

riceweight · 2023-03-30T16:43:55+00:00

Men who pursue women for the sake of “I want to have sex” or “I want to get a gf” don’t actually love the woman who eventually says yes to them. It’s more of a “thank God, someone picked me!!!” But since they don’t actually have any special interest in the woman, simply that she’s attractive ENOUGH and doesn’t kill puppies, they aren’t invested in keeping the relationship going. She’s “a woman” not “my special woman”. Inevitably, depending on how stupid the woman is or how sloppy the guy is, the relationship will end. And the guy will be all Pikachu face and do the whole routine again. After some time, he will end up with a worldview that is “women will leave you no matter how ‘nice’ (not abusive) I am”, when the truth is, he never gave a damn about the women he was dating and eventually they sniffed it out.

None0fYour8usiness · 2023-03-30T16:06:19+00:00

4 needs to be said louder.

My hot takes:

Misogyny isn't a negative in dating. Depending on what kind of women you're going after it might be a net positive. You just can't go full incel rage about it.
When women give dating advice, they do it from the standpoint of the woman already liking you, which is why it generally doesn't work or seems illogical.
Being neurodivergent as a man, regardless of LMS, is a dating death sentence.
Nerdy hobbies are a net negative in dating, even if the girl has the same hobbies. "High value" hobbies like traveling are a net positive on the other hand.

gtaIIIstan · 2023-03-30T20:22:20+00:00

The average woman certainly has more power in the early stages of courtship than the average guy. But if more guys got to the other side of the dance, the side after a few months (2-6 months) where women become heavily invested and convinced that you're That Guy, then a lot of the things that men think are unique to their gender (neediness, anxiety, overinvestment, initiating), they would discover are not. And as a corollary to this, every guy needs to try to experience this at least once before he settles down. And see how women can be deeply whisked away too. Then and only then should you settle down.

revente · 2023-03-30T18:59:32+00:00

Overweight women have an easy time getting uncommitted casual sex from dating apps, but struggle greatly finding a relationship.

Compared to skinny girls. They still have easier time than the bottom 80% of men.

I agree with most of your other points tho.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-03-30T19:08:59+00:00

Point 3 might not just be you "blowing your chance", she probably just found you weren't compatible.

There isn't a singular hack of the "right tactics" to convert 100% of women into romantic partners.

I think women are better at seeing when you genuinely aren't compatible at all whereas men will stick with a woman he has little in common with, out of physical attraction alone.

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-03-31T04:26:41+00:00

My hot take:

Losers with idealistic expectations of the world try to bend reality down to their level so they finally get a fighting chance.

That's why poor people lean left and want more equality.

That's why fat women campaign for fat acceptance

That's why trans people call everyone that doesn't want to date them transphobic

That's why Reddit losers want women to lower their standards

That's why older women call men that go for younger women groomers

That's why racists claim white genocide when immigrants sweep in and start outcompeting them

That's why feminazis blame everything on men

On the flip side:

You don't see hot girls becoming feminazis or fighting for fat acceptance

You don't see women in their 20's and 30's telling their peers to avoid men 10-20 years their senior

You don't see rich socialists

You don't see chads complaining about women

And so on...

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-03-30T16:04:17+00:00

A large segment of the female population(like male) are “overweight” and most do get into relationships. Stop thinking that overweight=my 600 pound life.

TheDustLord · 2023-03-30T18:54:17+00:00

Women have spent decades asking for something they don’t really want: equality. Men who are equal to you aren’t sexy enough to date.

abaxeron · 2023-03-30T16:58:54+00:00

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10:

WOMEN.

DON'T.

LOVE.

MEN.

11: Don't try to convince or explain 1-10 to a woman.

This is basically all. Once you crack this nut, everything magically fits in place, and worries evaporate.

DoinIt989 · 2023-03-30T17:46:22+00:00

Relationships are harder for men to get than casual sex
Men overestimate how much choice women really have on dating apps. They also vastly over estimate how many women use them (just look at the user data, it's 75% men...)
Dating apps have made dating culture more conservative and traditional,not the other way around. Straight people rarely "hookup" from apps in the sense of a Grindr style "come to my house and let's fuck". Usually you have to meet in a bar or something, basically have a mini date before you have sex. That's way more conservative than pre-apps when people's idea of "casual sex" was meeting someone and ducking without even knowing their name sometimes!

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2023-03-30T19:36:32+00:00

agreed with most of the point (except the friendzone one), here is my takes:

-When you are being friendzoned, don't bit yourself for not having been bold enough. If you had escalated, she would had turned you down. If you end up in the friendzone, she wasn't into you romanticaly and your chances to have sex or a relationship with her were close to zero.

-When you date a lot, most of those dates turns out to be almost the same. Turns out that a lot of women are not very interesting, they don't have true passions. Sorry ladies but travels, going to bar/restaurants, and netflix are not passions, everybody does and enjoy that. When you meet a girl who is truly passionate about something, you will spend a great date whatever the outcome.

-If the girl is really into you, you cannot fumble. My first date post divorce was trully a disaster when I think about it now, it still ended up pretty well because she made her decision right when she saw me .

-If you are an average man, there is a lot you can do to slightly improve your apparence. Nice Haircut, taking care of your skins, triming your eyebrow and maintaining your facial hairs. It doesn't look like much but most guys neglect this details and it can make you stand out. Of course, a good hygiene and perfume are mandatory. Wear nice cloth. It doesn't mean that you need a suit every day, but wear cloth that fit you. I see too many dudes wearing oversized shirt and it doesn't looks good on anyone.

I do recommand going to the gym and work out, but it require a lot of dedication. If you don't take it seriously, it won't make much of a difference even if you will look slightly better and it will boost your confidence. But if you are commited, once women can see that your are fit and muscular even with your cloth on, that's the biggest game changer.

-about accessoiries: I'm kind of a shoe addict, I noticed that most women are not very receptive to that, as long as they are clean, shoes doesn't count. I'm also a watch addict and it's litteraly the opposite, a lot of women notice a nice watch and it's a great conversation starter.

-Even the most feminist women I know end up with traditionals, masculines boyfriends. Being the dude playing the "friend of the feminist cause" card will get you friendship points but it will lead you nowhere romanticaly.

Scarce12 · 2023-03-30T21:59:12+00:00

My hot take is that, in terms of relationships, I'd expect you are only ever going to get low quality on the OLD apps.

I'm surprised dating apps took off because it used to be seen as desperate.

But if a woman needs a dating app, there's probably something wrong with her, and as a guy your biggest fear should be personality disorders.

The whole thing falls apart due to "moral hazard".

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-03-30T21:51:01+00:00

If you cant fuck, you have no chance retaining women or ever getting her to truly desire you. Just breaking through the attractive barrier for women is not enough to keep/retain a lot of them

I went out today with a girl who I’ve been casually seeing for sometime and she told me how shes seeing this other guy who she likes that has been pestering her for relationship. This guy lives in a apartment overlooking NYC. Good job. Handsome guy (she showed me him). Meanwhile I live at home and definitely not making that much

She says he wants a relationship but shes not ready to commit to him cause she said his dick is small so the sex isn’t good. This is the ONLY flaw this guy has (she told me). Verbatim:

Her: “I could never date him cause I know I would cheat”

Me: “You’d probably come running to me if I randomly hit you up in a month to fuck even if you were dating him”

Her: “Honestly, thats exactly what I’d do”

I know its just 1 personal anecdote but i cant help but think how crazy it is, that the quality of sex completely determines, for some women, how they feel about certain

puddingbike · 2023-03-30T19:19:01+00:00

TOP TEN GREATEST HITS

Looks are 95% of it for a man's success with short-term hook-ups and getting into relationships. For a man, being tall and lean is most of the equation.
Looks are more important to women than men: particularly in short-term hookups. In other words, women value the appearance of a man more than the man values the appearance of a woman. Men are more flexible and make far more concessions.
As a generality, men are more romantic and sentimental than women.
The selfishness, superficiality, greed, lack of empathy, and rowdy sex drive of women is constantly downplayed in the USA.
A charming man can get away with an insane amount during his interactions with women.
A woman's behavior to a man is already determined before he opens his mouth.
If a man crosses the minimum threshold, it's always better to be aggressive. That's the general rule. Don't play any of this "long game" shit. If you want to fuck a woman: ACT LIKE A MAN WHO WANTS TO FUCK HER! Behave that way!
In pick-up, always go first to commenting/complimenting and saying the things you like about the woman's appearance and telling her that she's beautiful and such. Don't ever think "it's too much." Always go over-the-top. It's surprising the things you can get away with saying. I don't believe in any of this "neg" shit. Whatever works for you. But, that's a game I don't think is necessary.
Generally, women spend a good bit of time thinking about and discussing (with each other) their love of big cock.
Never get married or have an "official" girlfriend if you want to have the happiest life.

TheDustLord · 2023-03-30T18:57:00+00:00

Most women have completely forgotten what femininity is, and now they think it means slavery.

TurtleDickSlap · 2023-03-30T16:59:55+00:00

Hot takes:

Women like chauvinistic men. They are drawn to them.
Women are happiest when they are in a position where their only responsibilities are the children and pleasing their husbands.
Men need to be better (oh I've got smoke for men too). Too many of us are satisfied being soft and broke.
Children answer to the mother. Wives answer to the husband. The husband protects and provides for them all.

begayallday · 2023-03-30T17:40:45+00:00

Women do take personality strongly into account when selecting for a partner, but it’s not that they can magically tell a good person from a bad person. Having charisma is the important thing. An average guy with a lot of charisma will have a lot more success with women than a tall attractive guy who struggles to talk to people and can’t look them in the eye. Being neurodivergent isn’t an automatic death sentence either, it just kind of depends on how it presents. I know autistic dudes who are super outgoing and charismatic. For some of them it comes more naturally and for others it’s more of a learned skill.

AristedesAllow · 2023-03-30T18:41:35+00:00

Haha I love 5. It really isn’t magical at all, it’s just like a routine or comedian’s bit that is planned and choreographed to work well. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it is best to be aware than romance isn’t authentic or genuine like one would think

skon7 · 2023-03-30T23:29:12+00:00

I still have to finish reading everyones responses but as a women, this is what I have picked up from online dating.

many men assume a match means you automatically wanna fuck them.... in reality its just an interview but its not the job.

apps like tinder are usually strictly for sex or casual non expensive dates. you hardly can ever get a good quality date on there. i had two guys offer to take me on a trip but i declined because i felt obligated to put out and i wasnt sure that i wanted to with these two guys. other than that its mostly "lets go for coffee or a drink" at best or "come over" at worst

lots of men put their age as 27-29 but then in their bio they say they are older so they can shoot their shot with the younger crowd. i find it hilarious because i thought only women lied about their age lol

most men on tinder are below average to average men. the clouted dudes are on raya. the average to slightly above average are usually on bumble or hinge.

if a guy says hes "not sure what hes looking for" it usually means he wants to play the field but he will adjust his answer depending on what the woman wants so he can game her into sex

you will indefinately run into many men from highschool on those apps if you are still located in the same city you grew up in. It can either be funny or embarrassing

I have more…. Still loading

AnUnstableNucleus · 2023-03-30T15:48:53+00:00

If the men on this sub spent even half their time improving themselves instead of constantly doomscrolling online dating facts, they'd be getting the results they want.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-03-30T18:04:39+00:00

As much as women complain about men rushing sex, in my experience women still expect you to make moves rather quickly. It has someone discouraged me from the apps. I would say if I’m having sex with a tinder date, 90% of the time it will have happened by the second date.

I don’t think men take breakups worse. It’s that men are more socially disadvantaged by breakups. Women will typically retain most of the mutual friend group whereas ex boyfriends typically become persona non gratae even if the man was friends with these people before they started dating.

woahisme111 · 2023-03-30T15:42:49+00:00

Many of the men in "man0sphere" type of spaces want top-shelf women and are angry that they can only get women within their league (bottom-shelf). So they whine all day about this, blame women for not being attracted to them, blame attractive men, etc. because that seems to be much easier than working on themselves. They are either too lazy, poor, narcissistic or all three to actually put in that work. The reality is, your typical attractive and ambitious woman does not want a smelly, lazy bum who posts about gender studies/red pill mess all fucking day, guarantee it.

Head-Language-2977 · 2023-03-30T19:46:26+00:00

Because women have so many options online, I suspect many times that a man gets friend zoned not because he did anything wrong but simply because a better looking option came along right after him.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-03-30T20:12:54+00:00

When a dude calls you at 5 am to complain about some girl being annoying, he is also being annoying
Listening to your male friend hyperanalyze every subtle, ultimately unimportant thing the girl he is interested in does is somewhat entertaining when hes being dramatic, so you never tell him she's not interested. Best bet is to turn one of the things she did into a "potential sign of interest" to add fuel to the fire. (Only works if you know he won't risk rejection by asking her out) (I only did this once)
It's sometimes ridiculous how hung up on their ex some people are (both genders). Some people just can't move on for some reason. I'm not sure if there's a word for this phenomenon but there should be.
Why did some dude send me videos of him cold approaching random women and get so aggressive asking me to tell him what he did wrong? He just doesn't know he's being inappropriate? Either way don't do this. This is not a good look.
Guys from India (not Indian American/British) are way too horny for their own good. They need to get bonked. Don't try to make online friends from India.
Men's intense displeasure about being rejected makes no sense to women despite the fact that our dating strategy typically avoids rejection as much as possible. However, when girls do make the first move, men are often absolutely miserable if he wants to reject her because he feels like he "can't". Usually he will avoid it if at all possible.

My female perspective as someone who lurks on male forums. I have more observations but I haven't had coffee so

Edit: formatting

PhyPhillosophy · 2023-03-30T21:00:14+00:00

4. I once had a woman tell me at the end of the FIRST date, you should of at least tried to kiss me, I know you wanted too.

Never heard from her again.

ledon_07 · 2023-03-30T23:08:24+00:00

women’s innate nature makes the success of long term relationships near impossible unless you’re near perfect or abusive to the point where she can’t/won’t leave
as toxic as they are both the redpill and the blackpill have a lot of truth to them. The key is ot find the woman that’s the exception
sex is overrated by those not having it
people try too hard to virtue signal, believe in just word fallacy and give feel good dating advice and eventually end up gaslighting the people who notice the inherent problems or toxicity of the dating game
as a man you shouldn’t take women too seriously when it comes to both dating or taking advice from them. They’re highly illogical
penis size matters. Above average to big is the best. Very big and very small is bad.
being shorter than her and a small penis are death sentences

IWillKeepYourSecret · 2023-03-31T07:03:48+00:00

4) I think a lot of men are totally okay with waiting to have sex and taking things slow with intimacy

My ADHD makes me sexually retarded, meaning I don't see the point in slowing down if we're both "down"... that one's come back to bite me a time or two.

I don't fall fast, but when I do, I fall hard. As an example, I fell for a guy that later became part of my old friendgroup. We hooked up a few times, but we weren't compatible after all. The year that followed, he brought woman after woman into the group. I brought none. I didn't fall for anyone, I didn't sleep with anyone.

Then, after that year, a new guy got introduced into the group. He was autistic and didn't seem too comfortable yet, so I talked to him. We talked about niche things that we had in common, and I was happy to see him come out of his shell. Apparently, that was a dumb move of me.

A month or so later, someone from that group told me something that definitely stung. When everyone had gone home that month before, the guys groupchat started blowing up. They made a bet, real money and all.

The bet was about how long it would take before I would sleep with the new guy. The only person that didn't join in was the guy that showed me the chat.

I approached the guy who started the bet and told him how childish and cruel it was of him to do.

"Well, if you don't want this to happen, maybe try to behave more like it."

So I asked him, "how many people do you think I've slept with after you?"

He looked puzzled. "I don't know... maybe a couple a month?"

"No." I still remember how disappointed I was in him, "no, you were the last."

He was so taken aback by it, but he never seemed to doubt my credibility. I never gave him a reason to, and yet I did give him a reason to judge me for my sexual behavior...

Because I slept with him too fast... because I liked him.

Anyways, that's a little story time. I've come to learn that for emotional and social safety, waiting is very important. I don't want to do it, but men want me to do it, even if they say they don't. I just find it sucky that I've never been with anyone that matched my sex drive, and yet I'm the one who has to set the pace and set it slow.

Honestly, I get why women often aren't as into sex as men. The whole waiting game is to make it more rewarding for the guy... It's a concept I'll never embrace.

youarockandnothing · 2023-03-30T17:55:09+00:00

I don't think it's outside of the realm of possibility that men in general will start to work on their "behavioral attractiveness" & social game in the next few years since that's so obviously where the vacuum is right now in the dating market.

(getting women thru cold & warm approaches)

People are giving up on OLD in large numbers. Maybe men are largely too autistic to adapt away from it, but I wouldn't bet my life savings on the % of anti-social men to keep rising forever.

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-03-30T19:44:32+00:00

A lot of the men on this page have completely made up views of women and women’s dating life. If most of them actually took the time to go work on their personal lives instead of arguing online, they would be doing much better.

A lot of men on this page also resent women. They try to act as though they don’t using messy arguments and what not but it’s true. Women can tell and it probably doesn’t help you in the dating world.

It’s similarly difficult as a woman to date, as lots of men are just looking to have sex and then ghost. Note to men- if you are looking for a gf stop making things sexual right off the bat. Most girls are over that shit we hear it all the time.

dynospectrum7 · 2023-03-30T16:38:18+00:00

Is why men aren’t good with women. You need to be an artist, not a tactician.

RedditAlt999 · 2023-03-30T18:16:55+00:00

If you date a lot, it truly starts feeling extremely disingenuous. Same date spots, same stories, same photos I show on my phone and even the same timing. But if I just totally wing it, I get much worse results I've noticed.

This, especially the second part. Everyone says "just be yourself". Yeah, that doesn't really go well given a lot of people have expectations on what happens during a date, what you should talk about, how you should act, etc.

happy_discus · 2023-03-30T23:19:09+00:00

Having autism is a death sentence in terms of dating and relationships. I will die on this hill.
Most people decide within the first seconds if they want to date you.
Most men on this subreddit despise women.
The only way to stand out as a man in terms of physique is to use steroids.

Due-Lie-8710 · 2023-03-31T11:13:48+00:00

1) Morality and even misogyny has nothing to do with sexual attraction

2) women don't actually put as much effort Into dating as men

3) women think they are entitled to relationships after they have had sex with you even when you made your intentions clear

4) women are completely responsible for hook up culture and can only blame themselves for why they hate it

5) alot of women overestimate how good of a partner they actually are

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-03-30T17:06:19+00:00

Men create their own obstacles when it comes to dating. 90% of the stuff I read here is self-inflicted.
Women face lots of rejection, too. Not everyone you're attracted to will be attracted to you. Has nothing to do with pushing it in a sex filled direction. Sometimes, you're just not into someone.
Far too much pressure is placed on dating. Cultivate friendships and enjoy life with people.
Take better pictures, write about who you are (not what you hate), and you'll have more opportunities on apps.
Break-ups suck for everyone.
People on the internet care far more about sexual history than people in real life.

gymbronyc718 · 2023-03-30T16:06:55+00:00

Not really. Once you have attractive female friends and they feel comfortable talking about their dating lives with you, you will understand just how much women obsess over the minutia of dating. What clothes she picked out, how she did her hair, how often she texted him, did she double text, did she text too soon. Did she show too much interest on the date, was she being too easy and seen as a slut, etc. Women dissect dates and look for deeper meaning behind everything a guy says.
The problem isn't necessarily not making a move. It could be, but for the most part women can figure out if there is chemistry within 10-15 mins. They will often go to more dates because they are brainwashed by society to give guys a chance and to date outside of their type (exciting bad boys) high usually ends up badly for the nice guy, because he feels he was strung for several dates. If you want to avoid the friendzone, be very direct about your intentions and make it clear that you are "not that kind of guy". You know the type, who doesn't audition for a woman and go on a bunch of useless dates trying to impress her only to get told "I only like you as a friend".

Chemical_Major_1403 · 2023-03-30T20:03:58+00:00

Those are mine:

1_ Being a non-abuser is enough for a lot of women to be in a relationship but for men it's just the tip of the iceberg, people are so afraid from the 80's when men could attain relationship without investing so the first advice we hear from women or blue pills is to invest as a man while not caring about what a women offer .

2_ The sun cost fallacy is the main reason women broke up or divorce way more than men , the moment men start investing in the relationship he can't leave even if it's toxic cause he already gived a lot this is why men are still in marriages that are sexless

3_ Women are not angels as society paints them , and it's clear why in the dating process, although women are now working , financial problems are the main reason of divorce , and women are not approaching men even when it's acceptable, women have no empathy towards short men or physical preferences while always shaming men for it

4_ this is gonna be weird but sexual selection goes against what men want , a lot of animals in the same secie went instinct cause they couldn't compete with the best one so trying to fix men in this sub not women is pointless. Women should actually lower their standards or stop complaining about being used for sex.

Alfalfa2-Throwaway · 2023-03-31T04:32:16+00:00

I agree with your first two points but after that I think you go off the rails a little...

What hurts so bad about being friendzoned after a few dates is you two may have been objectively a very good match. She initially liked you and you had amazing convo chemistry. You just sucked at making moves and driving it in a sexual direction is all, and you blew your chance.Hard disagree.

Seriously, guys, the friendzone is a myth and ya'll need to stop perpetuating it. if you have been told by a female friend you made a move on that she's "afraid to loose her friendship with you" or you're "better off as friends" she was trying to let you down gently. She was not and never will be sexually attracted to you. If a woman is attracted to you you're not going to be "friendzoned" by not mauling her on the first date because you were never in the friendzone (because. it. doesn't. exist).

I'll give you an example (I have a ton of stories in a similar vein) I went on two dates with a guy years back, conversation was good, he was reasonably good-looking, well-presented we had a nice date, I wasn't really feeling it but because we seemed to have so much in common I gave him the benefit of the doubt and went on a second date - more good chats but no real chemistry for me...on the end of the second date we kissed and I felt...nothing...when he texted me to arrange a third date I told him I was sorry but I just didn't feel any chemistry with him and didn't want to waste his time and wished him well etc etc.

His response? "I disagree! I think we had GREAT chemistry" and then proceeded to pester me for more dates, I can guarantee you if I agreed it wouldn't have worked out then I would have been just "stringing him along" or "friend-zoning" him. I have many, many stories like that

Me: I'm not attracted to you in that way, sorry

Him: Well I'm attracted to YOU ergo you're wrong, date me!"

...conclusion men come to = I was "too nice" or "not aggressive enough" so I was friendzoned) FFS....

Also the last point - No one owes you closure... ffs, you went on a handful of dates, NO ONE owes you that. Sometimes "I don't want to sleep with you" is the only closure you'll get because there isn't some profound reason on her part or some deep character flaw on yours that led to that result.

beyoncestan23 · 2023-03-30T20:16:52+00:00

Men are truly exhausting. Like I’m tired , they act like they can’t stay single. I’ve not met one alpha or high value man who made enough cash to back it up or had any success under his belt

AquaChip · 2023-03-30T15:55:50+00:00

If you’re at-least a 3, Dating isn’t hard if you’re realistic, non-neurotic and not a shut in.

RP-MJ · 2023-03-30T15:58:23+00:00

Men are entitled to relationships for sexual access and women are entitled to relationships for emotional availability
Men are designed for sexual variety not women, eggs run out but semen doesn't
Men and women are so different that romance is the only way they are compatible with each other
Men should only be interested in women for the experience not for the feelings
Looks aren't important as your other attractive traits as a men

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dank_summers · 2023-03-30T16:52:37+00:00

Number 4 creates such an interesting dynamic, and im constantly going back and forth about what is too much and what is not enough when im on dates. Went through a phase where I decided i was going to initiate a kiss at the end of 1st dates no matter how it went. A suprising amount would kiss me back even when they werent interested in ever meeting again. (I found out after)

And for number 9, I honestly prefer just getting ghosted at this point as opposed to the generic texts girls will send after dates. Not sure why it seems one is classy and the other trashy when they both effectively hard end communications.

StraightAnswers99 · 2023-03-30T18:03:59+00:00

Thank you for this post, I am making notes.

Pastakingfifth · 2023-03-30T23:21:54+00:00

6) Some men would have been an excellent boyfriend, they just sucked at dating was all. Kind of like someone may have been an amazing employee, but just sucked during the initial interview process.

I don't think it's that hard to figure out. Any man can go on 20 dates and really try to refine how he comes off. Most don't.

Any man can get 20 dates, it takes a lot of effort to do photoshoots and refine your dating profiles but your looks are not what is gatekeeping you bro.

Midnightchickover · 2023-03-30T23:41:49+00:00

Men in 2000s-2023, have way more dating options, outlets, and opportunities than they have probably ever had in the past. Considering the harsher conditions of society and people being limited in their choices, especially if they did not travel. You can match with people you have more in common with much easier now, because there are so many more outlets:

Social media, online dating, better (public) transportation, hobby events, dating events, dating coaches, dating services, setup dates, employment type (jobs where you have to interact with a lot of people), social events, social networking, public spaces (library), groups for your particular condition, online communities, recreational activities, and peer groups.
People’s expectations with hooking up, casual sex, dating, LTR, and prospects of marriage are way too high, early on. It should primarily be just about a date, like an interview. No expectations, whatever happens.
I believe it’s a good idea to split things up or have everyone pay for their portion. If someone offers to pay for everything, that’s fine, but nothing should be expected in return.
Everyone’s end game is not sex, just be aware of that.
There’s nothing wrong with 30 day - infinite no sex rule. If sex is needed on your end or a must, then you’d date someone who doesn’t have such a rule. Especially, if sex is one of your highest priorities. There’s nothing wrong with that, but staying in relationship or keeping an attachment just for sex is kinda not ok. Even, for you, you can save yourself a mental toll and just keep casual partners.
Honest conversations should probably happen in the very beginning.

Theatre_throw · 2023-03-31T00:16:49+00:00

3 is dumb, you're not objectively a good match if you don't have chemistry.

You can have good friends that are attractive, sometimes you even run into those wherein you're perfect on paper. But if you're not both trying to fuck each other's brains out after the first few dates, that's not chemistry.

Amazing-Key-1575 · 2023-03-31T03:38:15+00:00

99% of modern women aren’t worth committing to; roughly the same is likely true for men - for different reasons
I’ve now observed and experienced the shift of dating & human behavior from pre-internet to AI replicated and the two are becoming nearly indistinguishable - and soon will be indistinguishable - this will cause a tremendous rift in human consciousness. Wait, dating
ignorance is bliss
lack is often want
want is not need
have is not always better than lack
most humans are self-serving, women doubly so, to the point of contradiction - and this is unconscious and unintentional biological behavior
we don’t call the owner of a cow who milks it a slave, nor the beekeeper in servitude to the bees
get a dog; most humans are like the dog, just bigger picture more complex expressions of their emotionally driven, unconscious drives
men are not wrong for being sexually motivated - a lot of men are terrible at expressing their sexual motivations
red pill is absolute rubbish. But it’s mostly true.
we live in a time when many men are taught to become afraid to speak and expect punishment if they act
this list could probably be infinitely specific but broad strokes are probably best “hot takes” for a blog post seo clickthrough rate given what AdWords budget the marketer scanning these comments for material an AI can expand upon is probably working with
truly an unnecessarily trash time to be alive and wanting love - you probably won’t get it, and if you manage to, you’ll probably lose it. The same story repeats itself until it doesn’t -
on that note, I’ve seen the same variation of one story play out between so many disparate sources it’s impossible to deny the trajectory of most relationships given the man truly falls in love
while “dating has never been more accessible” the humans dating have never been more inaccessible. -Social media has commodified the Individual: who you see online, and how they are seen, is an often fully intentional obfuscated self-image
who you see in those photos, even yourself, and who you imagine sending those texts, even yourself, is often a fully intentional modification of communication that would otherwise be less indirect. Think of it like this:
“game” didn’t exist until it needed to out of necessity from the possibility of it existing. Women went from believing they were treated like property and calling for gender equality to selling their panties online in the span of 100 years. More like went from Feminism being an academic area of interest to algorithm driven means of engaging the most-likely-to-purchase advertisements on the webpages visited
because information has been skewed in favor of monetary gain, minority held ideas often appear larger than their actuality and are through manipulated means of representation converted from conceptual to marketed and sold values, which necessarily demarcate the values attributed to the idea’s being sold. So as feminism spread and gained legitimacy, there came capitalism to take advantage of it and sell it to who bought it: everyone.
because of the shift in power from “male-dominated” or “patriarchal society” (in which most would argue we still live) to third wave feminist society we have today, we live in a largely liberally driven economy Blah balanblHbla
summation: the reward (here, let’s say sex) can be bought, and if you can afford to buy it regularly, you’ll probably have no trouble attracting a mate and won’t need to buy it in the first place. One would expect, but apparently that’s not even the case anymore so good luck blackpill

randomguy5612 · 2023-03-31T09:57:51+00:00

i agree with all except 1.

beleidigtewurst · 2023-03-31T10:49:54+00:00

Nothing hot about it.

Side note: maybe that swiping app is not the best the way to find LTP. Just saying.

I'd add:

1) Men libido = female libido multiplied by about 100. If men would have chances to be knocked out with another little individual (that resembles that woman they didn't even like that much) growing inside them for about 9 moths, they would be more picky too. 2) Men/boys simp too much these days in certain countries and it hurts, of course. 3) Hypergamy is an actual phenomena (as with global warming, one could argue why it happens, but not that it takes place) and not "TRP invention". And no, it doesn't say "womxnz only care about monez" 4) #3 leads to women overshooting who is the good match for them quite a lot. Especially, if one is silly enough to make strong sexual desire a must on female side of things

US stats (no "hot takes", just facts):

1) Happiness is in steady decline since 1970 2) Unhappiness raising since mid 80s 3) On the bright side, women are now nearly as unhappy as men. The gap used to be substantial in 1970.

boomboxspence · 2023-03-31T13:10:47+00:00

I am autistic so I don't know how to date

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-03-31T13:41:01+00:00

I’ve never dated.

TheLightSideOfTheSun · 2023-03-31T15:36:05+00:00

My hot takes on dating apps based on what you have said.

I feel that it is not all fat woman that fall into the casual sex category (but it is a majority), some men would consider a overweight woman as a "potential" partner, as you have the chubby chasers or some men that love the "extra cushion" as preference (have one friend who had an athletic build marry a pretty overweight girl he met on a dating app, but id say its definately an outlier), but it is true in that a majority of people are going to want the partner that looks like a model or Hollywood star to be the breadwinner. Just like most fat guys are going to have trouble finding a supermodel, it can happen, may not be looked at as a potential mate, but very small and few slim woman may occasionally date men that may be overweight (personality, the way you dress, smell, etc can factor into how much interest people can get). Although yea, overweight people are going to have hard time because in other overweight people may be viewed as unhealthy "regardless if it is medically related". I just also feel that it depends on how the communication goes and you may also find some woman having interest in bigger men, not all of them!
I feel that most men do have to come up with a strategy on dating apps to an extent to getting a date. If a man says something that is not catching her attention enough or saying just "hey" or "what's up" without putting a thoughtful question or pickup line, you lost the match (Not all the time, girls may view you as a CHAD and may go along with it who knows". I feel most times it is expected since having a thoughtful first message demonstrates the amount of interest. No man would disagree if a woman also makes the first move, since sometimes it could be difficult to determine whether she has a genuine interest.
I feel that yes, there could be chemistry in the beginning, and it can fade depending on how the date or communication is going. I feel the problem with dating apps is that it doesnt give you the opportunity to genuinely understand someones personality, but instead, gets someone to develop a fictional personality that wed hope and expect from that person but is not completely or at all true once the date happens. Seeing in messages, yea you get some emotion, but it is really hard to determine how genuine the emotion is when we can't see facial expression or hear that persons voice in my opinion. Its why I stopped dating apps and chose to go out because I feel the so called "talking-stage" is difficult on both ends of genders to understand and its difficult to see personality. I also didnt continue dating apps because I feel that a majority of it involves just liking people for their looks and excludes the personality aspect (looks are a major factor in attraction, but there are woman I have met in the real world that were 4-7/10 on looks that I would've dated because their personalities and lifestyles interested me).
You are not wrong, I feel that it doesnt or shouldnt just pertain to dating apps but also the real world. When you meet a girl for the first time, I feel your intentions should definately be stated (I feel it should be stated in words not just actions - this is not always easy) depending on how you feel for her. If you like her, let her know, and show her you like her with your actions and love languages (if you believe in love language and may be vital in most relationships). But I feel there is a timeframe. Take too long, I feel girls dont think you are interested, or they start to lose interest because there may be another romantic relationship that is more enticing. But I also feel if you are interested let her know, and also ask her whether shed be comfortable with a kiss (sometimes its just good to ask, because just kissing her without permission, I have done it before, but I also know it could be extremely uncomfortable for a woman who doesnt feel the same way about you). I also feel that if she's allowed you a second, or even a third or fourth date, that must show she's interested (especially in the context of a dating app since a dating app is supposed to be known for finding love, but also cause most woman won't just waste their time with someone they aren't interested in since time is precious). But I have also met woman who think of dates as hangouts as opposed to romantic interest, so its always good to talk to woman and get clarification to prevent yourself from getting in the friend zone or wasting time (if it is a relationship that you are looking for). I also feel that with dating apps being known to be associated with "hook-up" culture, it is hard for men and woman on these apps to consider whether someone they matched with is really just looking for a relationship or for just sex. But again, its always good to get clarification. I recall the first date with a girl that she stated she wanted to wait for sex and take it slow and I agreed. The second date we had sex and I didnt initiate, I had all my clothes on while she was naked on top of me. I made sure to ask her before I took my clothes off, are you okay with this because I know you wanted to wait? And she was okay with it. So mindsets could also change depending on the dynamics of the relationship.
When I was on dating apps, I never dated multiple woman at the same time but honestly just dated one a time. I felt that it was too expensive, too time consuming, and not fair for the other person if they knew I dated multiple people (just me). Also, I just feel that if I wanted someone who was just dating one person at a time, I can't be going around seeing multiple woman. Also, I just feel dating isn't comfortable sometimes. Some woman are meeting some guy theyve never met up until the dating app and I know it isn't easy seeing men have bad track records of being aggressive or hurting woman. But I also know woman who were abusive too, it is hard to tell but Ive always felt just knowing you are "dating" a stranger you've never really met can sometimes feel uncomfortable on both sides. So someone having the courage to actually go out there and meet you says alot.
I agree, but I can also agree that there are some men that are excellent at dating, but suck at being a boyfriend. I feel that theres always going to be some characteristics in the dating and the relationship spectrum that most men and woman try and look for in a partner, and some traits some they are willing just to cope with or overlook. But thats why relationships need time and need to get worked on, because when you meet someone, theres always going to be something about them you may or may not like.
You are right, I feel that if you have a profile that is actually put together as an average guy you'll score more matches. What also helps is having friends look at your profile and giving you advice (if you're comfortable). But not just that, but also taking care of yourself. I feel that look wise I am average, but an average face can go from a 4 to a 10 with good hygiene, someone that takes care of their health, works out, etc. Honestly, I own my own house, have three cars, and have a lot of hobbies (play guitar, draw, skateboard, snowboard, surf, etc.). When I date, I never let girls know what I have though because than I wouldnt want a girl wanting me for the wrong reasons (what I got) but actually for who I am. So in my profile I exclude things like objects or stating what I have in my profile but instead put alot of my hobbies and what I like to do on there to not give that vibe.
I say it depends on the person, but I personally dont take breakups that hard. It just depends on how long the relationship went for. If I dated a girl for a month and I broke it off, its not as painful vs a girl I dated for 4 years. It also depends on how much I like her.
I have been ghosted and did the ghosting in the past and have to say, its a very immature thing to do and I dont do it. I feel if I dont like the way the relationship has progressed I will let the girl know and just move on (current state of mind). But I have had girls who I talked to at dinner and let them know I was not interested still keep trying to a point where I had to ghost or block their number because they just couldn't take the no. But I would say woman most times do it more than men because the act of letting a man down isn't easy for woman. Woman sometimes get physically hurt or bad mouthed when trying to communicate with men (theres some men out there that might feel like she wasted their time, or because he bought dinner she owes him, whatever) but because of these bad experiences with men not able to take no for an answer woman feel its easier to just ghost. But ghosting and not getting closure isn't easy as it leaves men or woman wondering what happened?

My takes are this. If you are dating, I would rather date seeing woman by doing what I love (via volunteering, through school, through work, etc.) as opposed to a dating app because dating apps have never been a genuine medium for me to find a partner. But I know for some people going out and doing stuff like that isn't easy because they may have a demanding job, or they dont have the time to go out and do things, but if you can I would try and meet people in the real world than a dating app.

Pilling_it · 2023-03-31T16:53:54+00:00

1) Is that a hot take ?

2) It requires skills to have as either sex, but for obvious reasons it's much more logical on men's side. Women's game is a lot about making men think they are the ones making the decision.

3) Friendzone is to men what fuckzone is to women : you missed your shot because you were afraid to be rejected.

4) Men don't have the time to romance women like that. Otherwise you're never going anywhere. Keep things moving until you're there. It's normal.

5) The less you think about the start, the better off you are. It's a dance to see if both can perform for the other in their own way all the way to the end, treat it as something you get good at, nothing more.

6) There's plenty out there. They just aren't fun, or exciting. But it's like the homely girl that doesn't get noticed.

7) Diminishing returns make it not worth it. If somebody believe otherwise, just go see how it rolls for very attractive ones. Not to mention they're the prime consumer target for the company. It's a way better use of time to get good at integrating groups in a bar. No one want to play a game that is rigged this much.

8) Depends who broke up. Women tend to have broken up with the guy mentally way before the relationship is actually over. But if you take her off guard while she's not over you... She'll be hung up on you for a while.

9) They don't want it to blow to their face.

For men : you get the money, then the power, then the women. Confusing the order is why so many are angry.

For women : you get as attractive as you can (something something weight), then you go for the men.

And if in both cases you've done as much as you can and still don't get what you want, you're taking a shot out of your league, and either quit the game or lower the standards.

There. Dating solved.

szczerbiec · 2023-03-31T17:18:55+00:00

Regarding 7, i disagree. Always put in effort. My buddy just had two photos, only listed he likes beer, games, Japan.

He gets hits with little effort, without being a 10/10

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-04-02T09:23:14+00:00

My dating hot take is to delete the apps alltogether and meet people in real life (if you want to date that is!).

Title	Here are my dating hot takes. What are yours?
Author	DarenWoods30
Upvotes	194
Comments	462
Date	March 30, 2023 3:33 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/126qg8v/here_are_my_dating_hot_takes_what_are_yours/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/here-are-my-dating-hot-takes-what-are-yours.1207417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207417

Comments

4. I once had a woman tell me at the end of the FIRST date, you should of at least tried to kiss me, I know you wanted too.