Is crying a turnoff for you?

CimZim · 2022-01-13T13:59:00+00:00

Your girlfriends were emotionally immature and, in my opinion, rather bitchy.

No, I do not mind when my sex partner or any male friends cry during sad movies, if their pet dies, if a family member is in hospital, if they're just really stressed. It is normal human behavior. It has positive effect on my desire for my FWB, because I have a strong need to comfort and care for him during/after.

Superfluous_Toast · 2022-01-13T16:03:29+00:00

This sort of thing gets posted a lot. The answer is always the same.

No, having the full range of emotions for a human being is not a turn off in a romantic partner.

And you should consider it a red flag if a woman does find a man weak for showing emotions other than anger, because it means she in particular is toxic bitch who shouldn't be dating anyone.

Comeino · 2022-01-13T16:32:12+00:00

You need to find a big tiddy goth gf to appreciate your sentimental soul.

People who ridicule others for expressing their feeling are immature miserable fucks.

It takes strength to express vulnerability and honesty and if a partner is putting you down for showing your emotions they are not a good partner and you probably will be be better off without them.

NarniaFox · 2022-01-13T14:05:19+00:00

No. I've been there for my partner when he needed me, I've seen him in various emotional states. This kind of shared experience has deepened our bonds, not the other way around. I value the trust he has for me and his ability to open up and talk about his feelings and worries.

I think emotional vulnerability can be a turn off both for men and women that a) have issues with emotional intimacy themselves, b) are into traditional gender roles or at least some parts of them, c) aren't that into you to begin with.

Edit: also d) you pour everything on them and/or your reactions are overbearing and extreme.

redbluepie · 2022-01-13T15:26:39+00:00

. Every gf I've ever had that was with me during those moments reacted in a negative way.

Then they werent right one for you in the long run. Partners should support and be constructively critical where needed but never tear-down or belittle.

Prestigious-Fly-1949 · 2022-01-13T13:58:19+00:00

Are you crying because your loved one died (human or 4 legged), birth of a baby, Jean Valjean’s death in Les Miserables, love scenes in Kdramas?? Or are you crying because a waitress at a restaurant gave you ranch instead of blue cheese?

One implies strong emotions, the other is based on minor inconvenience.

If you didn’t cry when your dog died, I would 100% think something is wrong with you.

Slipthe · 2022-01-13T16:05:35+00:00

I'll say I personally haven't witnessed a man cry in a situation where I thought it was weird.

I've only really seen my partner cry a handful of times in the 9 years we've been together. He's definitely teared up over some movies, a dog dying, serious medical issues. There have been times where we talked about our relationship and questioning if it was going to end, and seeing him cry over that was definitely a turn on.

It's definitely a double standard, but if he cried as much as I have cried in the time we've been together, it would have been a turn off. I probably cry 4 times as much as he does. Often due to getting overstressed or anxious about something.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-13T15:01:27+00:00

Depends on the context. If it’s over something stupid like me not cooking what he wants for dinner or a manipulation tactic, then yes. Otherwise, no. My man knows he can cry with me and I’ll be there to comfort, reassure, and take care of him. We usually end up taking a nap or a nice walk after.

Few-Distribution-586 · 2022-01-13T22:20:05+00:00

I don't give a flying fuck if it is a turnoff. If I want to cry, I'll cry. I know this is a debate forum, and I am not trying to bash OP:

But why the fuck are we worried about what women think about this? Why are we seeking their POV on how we deal with our emotions?

No one fucking should do this, be a man or a woman.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-01-13T15:38:18+00:00

It would not be a turnoff to me, I would feel honored that he could open up to me, but I'm a touchy feely emotional weirdo.

bloodyhell40 · 2022-01-13T16:42:22+00:00

If you don’t cry watching “The Green Mile” I’m just gonna assume you aren’t human 🤷🏾‍♂️

Tommyboi05 · 2022-01-13T17:00:27+00:00

So crying usually=emotion, you want a partner with no emotion?

deleteri0us · 2022-01-13T18:15:10+00:00

I wrote my boyfriend a birthday card a few weeks ago. It was pretty long; the card was a big one and I filled both pages. He started reading it out loud when he was unwrapping gifts, stopped reading, and started crying. I found it endearing; it made me love him even more.

LittyKitsune · 2022-01-13T14:29:24+00:00

Nope, growing up with the alternative (father who does not/cannot cry thanks to rough childhood) has made me very appreciative of men who do

YMaedchen · 2022-01-13T14:42:00+00:00

No, but what I really hate is when people cry during an argument and act like them crying makes me the asshole for even speaking about an issue. It only ever happens with my sister, but the only reason where I'd be annoyed with crying.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-13T13:57:01+00:00

On the contrary, if a man doesn't cry in certain situations I'd consider it weird and a turnoff. I prefer to date people with emotions who might actually be able to, you know, love me.

ilostmylifedammit · 2022-01-13T16:30:14+00:00

Crying is a sign of being unmanly and women always despise such a behaviour. The manlier you are, the bigger chance a woman stays with you. Sneaky women would tell you that a crying man is ok only to make you let guard down. The more men is convinced that crying is not a turnoff for women, the easier it is for women to know which men are manlier.

philomexa · 2022-01-13T14:44:28+00:00

Its not a turn on or turn off, I don't care either way. Being an unpaid psychologist is a turn off, as is an inability to express emotions other than lust or rage.

Be a human, but an emotionally healthy and resilient one.

FunnyElegance21 · 2022-01-13T15:50:56+00:00

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SwedishNewFish · 2022-01-13T15:53:29+00:00

I actually think it’s sweet and endearing when a man cries appropriately. I have fallen in love with a man because he cried at the right part of a movie (it was about a girl who was being pimped out and most men I have watched the movie with in the past clearly didn’t understand how sad the scene was, or why it made me sob)

I don’t think of crying as a gendered act, it’s a human response to emotions. I like emotionally aware men, so a man who isn’t afraid to cry is a plus.

AquaChip · 2022-01-13T14:36:49+00:00

No. But Crying because you got caught doing something you shouldn’t have (ex: cheating, lying etc.), crying because you’re trying to be manipulative, crying constantly, crying about minor inconveniences. Yes.

naim08 · 2022-01-13T16:04:27+00:00

My girlfriend cries a lot, like atleast once a day over some very trivial (from my perspective, I understand it’s important to her) things. On the other hand, I do not cry, like at all. The last time I cried probably was as a young teenager when my mom decided to beat my ass with a wooden stick. That shit hurt, like alot.

But I don’t mind her crying, sometimes I may get annoyed when we’re have an uncomfortable & tense conversation, but I’ve learned that’s how she reacts to whenever she’s overwhelmed with emotions (she feels a lot). I think for me, I just harden and stiffen in similar situations.

lemurianelf · 2022-01-13T14:25:27+00:00

I agree with others. It's a turnoff if you don't cry at certain moments. Vulnerability is important. It shows ability to share very intimate emotions with your partner.

Chiyuki_Fujiwara · 2022-01-13T15:24:53+00:00

I may be a girl with daddy issues but that ass has only ever cried to manipulate my mother who fell for it every time, even though he barely cried otherwise. SO, if I catch someone crying just for manipulation, it's an immediate out, in any form of relationship, romantic or not. I'm not dealing with that shit.

Luckily, every other guy I've come across who was interested in me and not creepy (I consider it creepy if they touch my boobs without my permission, having said so previously several times and I hope that there is no disagreement regarding that here. My bar in this regard is pretty low.) ended up actually really, really sweet and I haven't found their tears off-putting, ever. In fact, being able to deal with your emotions and not finding them emasculating is a big thing in this regard. But then again, I could also always understand where it was coming from. If they were constant crybabies, I wouldn't be able to deal with them - but I don't tolerate that in anyone, whether male, female, friend or stranger and that's why people don't want me around little children. This has got nothing to do with how attractive I think a man inherently is, though.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-01-13T15:10:39+00:00

My boyfriend and I spent like 20 minutes talking about the country songs that always made us cry, and then listening to those songs, just the other day. Both of us cried. No it was not a turn off lol. I’m glad he has normal human emotions and can connect emotionally to topics like that.

Those songs just really hit different.

Slipthe · 2022-01-13T15:11:41+00:00

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Slipthe · 2022-01-13T15:15:17+00:00

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EviessVeralan · 2022-01-13T15:58:24+00:00

It depends. If we are talking about crying when a family member or pet dies, I wouldn't judge at all.

If we are talking about crying over everything like in the movie Bedazzled, then yes, it would be unattractive.

Prestigious_Olive467 · 2022-01-13T17:04:41+00:00

A man has never cried in front of me but one showed me a poem he wrote to his abusive mother which was kind of traumatizing but we still had sex that day so I dont think it would have made me lose attraction but if a guy would be constantly down and depressed I would likely not be able to handle it long term, especially if I just met him and he just trauma dumps... Not same when long term relationship, but Im not a napkin to use.

But also most women dont know how to deal when someone starts crying, nor do men. People react confused or angry if I cry. Like when my grandpa died I was crying on a public bus quietly after school and work, it was late and dark, it was not a good day. .. A lady scoffed at me and was like "could you stop". I think people just have no idea how to react basically.

livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-01-13T17:27:37+00:00

It’s like any human male or female, if it’s seemingly out of nowhere or over something trivial it’s awkward

If it’s over grief, pain, intensity, love, then no not at all. I’ve had exes cry to me ive cried to them and we’ve both cried it’s not a big deal to me

Vohsrek · 2022-01-13T18:54:42+00:00

My ex cried twice during our relationship; once when he said we needed to take a break, and again when we broke up. Both times I felt moved by his tears and appreciative that he felt comfortable enough to express his emotions around me.

sweetestpineapple · 2022-01-13T19:12:47+00:00

If it’s excessive then yeah, but if I’m already attracted and/or committed to a guy occasionally shedding some tears over a sad movie or personal hardship is fine and normal. I’ve been with overly emotional men and it’s just uncomfortable to be around. If a dude breaks down crying once a week that’s not something I can emotionally handle since I have my own issues to deal with. Basically I want the guy to be the strong one compared to me.

Scarypaperplates · 2022-01-13T20:09:38+00:00

No, and im not sure why it would be unless you dont think men are human.

Dresslerj1 · 2022-01-13T21:08:24+00:00

Girls like it when you cry about cute things like when the wife dies in UP. But when you cry because you're scared women don't think that's hot.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-01-13T23:24:00+00:00

Don't do it bros, stab yourself in the leg if you have to, do not cry in front of them, they will never treat you the same.

IcarusKiki · 2022-01-14T06:38:56+00:00

Here’s the deal: Women like it when a masculine man cries occasionally because it shows vulnerability and that hes not a sociopath. But if a guy does it too much or over little things it’s unattractive bc its a red flag that he’s immature or weak emotionally. For me if he cries more than I do (and I dont cry often) its unattractive.

BlockedAgainIGuess · 2022-01-13T15:35:58+00:00

No it’s cute when boys cry

Unless they’re crying to try to get out of trouble, then it’s gross and pathetic. I feel the same way about women who cry to get out of trouble, but I also can’t blame them because it seems like it works really fuckin well so why not?

thetruthishere_ · 2022-01-13T14:38:31+00:00

They were crappy women, I would have found it sweet and was probably shedding a tear with you.

goatismycopilot · 2022-01-13T15:01:59+00:00

Yes.

ruboyuri · 2022-01-13T16:16:39+00:00

It’s unpleasant and inappropriate in all genders and situations, platonic or sexual, excluding grief

And grief is super unsexy

Throwaway230306 · 2022-01-13T15:05:15+00:00

A man once cried on a second date with me after we watched a movie where the main character's dad died. We walked out of the theater and I was thinking the movie was pretty meh and he was wiping his eyes. (He hadn't experienced a death in his family, btw, he just thought the movie was sad. His own dad was alive and well.) The crying definitely weirded me out. We dated for three years, it was a disaster of a relationship. He was the bluest, most beta man I've ever met (and to this day I think it's better for a man to be eternally stuck in red pill rage than to be hopelessly blue).

I just don't believe women who say they're totally cool with men crying for throwaway reasons like sad movies. Maybe there are extraordinary women whose attraction isn't affected by male tears, but I'm not one of them.

BadWrath · 2022-01-13T19:24:24+00:00

Bud, don’t ask women questions if you want the truth. Women never really have question themselves to diagnose and fix themselves; men just take them as they are. Whereas the only kind of mam women pay attention to is one whose exceptionalism os born of honest introspection. If you want the truth, ask a man.

Women hate men who cry. Think about why a woman gets a man… provision and protection. Now ask yourself, how does crying, a show of vulnerability, lend itself to proving those qualities? Cry with your boys. Women will tell you they don’t mind it but they’re always trying to bring out the “bitch” in a man. They want to expose your weakness to know whether or not they’ve maximized hypergamy. Women consider themselves weak, so they don’t want anything in a man that reminds them of themselves. The less emotion you display, the better.

Believe it or not, the woman you date is only as on your side as it is beneficial to be. Remember that. She doesn’t like YOU, she likes what you do for her. If it was about actually caring for a man women wouldn’t all somehow be congregated at the too trying to fuck the best providers and protectors into commitment. Don’t cry around her.

KikiYuyu · 2022-01-13T16:34:42+00:00

If you cried because a sports game didn't turn out the way you wanted... I'd be pretty put off.

If you cried because something happened in real life, or something very moving happened in a film or book or other story telling medium, I'd be totally cool with it.

the_jingster · 2022-01-14T02:01:46+00:00

These types of questions to women are pointless. They don't even know the truth themselves let alone admit it

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TrueStorms · 2022-01-13T15:34:26+00:00

Only crying in despair or cowardice

Otherwise no

mystery1nc · 2022-01-13T16:16:50+00:00

No, in most cases it would actually be a turnoff if they never cried and that goes for all emotions.

Normal regular people that don't have any outdated hang-ups about gender expectations appreciate emotional maturity. If a person doesn't ever cry, that is strange.

houstongradengineer · 2022-01-13T16:29:41+00:00

I'm not going to try and bone someone who seems to be in a really bad place emotionally at that very minute, but it won't stop me from seeing that person as an attractive man either.

Koipisces · 2022-01-13T17:02:38+00:00

I’d rather have a man that cries openly than a man who always hides and denies his emotions and acts like a robot. crying is natural, we all do it. Just don’t cry about your ex though lol, I experienced that once, and it was the most awkward event ever. In that case, it obviously was a turn off because it was about his ex.

Trylena · 2022-01-13T17:05:45+00:00

As long is not during sex not really. I want my partner to trust me more than anything.

ccsteph_1 · 2022-01-13T17:30:06+00:00

I think it depends on context and their upbringing. I saw my stepfather cry at some movies, deaths of family members, etc. I watched my first love cry at a close friends funeral, over memories of said friend, at a movie, etc. I appreciated his vulnerability and I just viewed the tears as the only way to express such intense emotion. However, these are the only times I cry as well. If he was crying over our disagreements or just a tough day, I might be concerned about his mental load at that time, but I don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of. Depends on the woman, her emotion, and her upbringing.

Mosagun · 2022-01-13T17:46:32+00:00

I’ve never been in a situation where a man I was attracted to cried in front of me, but I will say that I prefer when we all cry alone. I feel ugly and self-conscious crying in front of people and I get uncomfortable when others cry around me.

I doubt I would lose attraction and respect for someone for that reason unless he was overreacting or trying to manipulate me like some other users commented. Tears are never a turn-on but I find it difficult to believe they are a permanent turnoff unless they get excessive or manipulative.

LanaTownsend · 2022-01-13T19:18:27+00:00

I've had men cry in front of me and it wasn't a turnoff but these were men I was already invested in be it romantically or platonically. It'd only be a turnoff if it was a man I barely knew who was dumping all of his trauma onto me. Then again, I don't like when ANYONE dumps their trauma onto me and we are not even friends. I've had waaaayyyy more female acquaintances do that than male ones....trying to use me (and probably others too) as a free therapist.

errrright · 2022-01-13T20:52:54+00:00

No, it's not a turn-off. Shedding a couple tears during a movie is fine, and crying in response to loss, tragedy, or high stress is normal and a sign of emotional intelligence. I find it to be more unsettling when a man never cries, as it'll lead me to believe that he grew up being scolded for expressing these feelings and he likely has some emotional health issues.

Don't get me wrong though - I do not like crybabies. Crying about every little bad thing is a big no-no for me and I find it equally as annoying when women do it.

Starburst9507 · 2022-01-13T21:26:49+00:00

I am a woman who finds a man capable of that very attractive, my heart feels very emotional and connected to my male partner when he shows signs of vulnerability, emotion or tears. I think he could break down sobbing in front of me and I’d just want to hold him and help any way I can or be supportive. I’d wake up the next day feeling closer to him and just as attracted and in love. It’s happened before for me with male partners.

Not everyone is the same but this is my truth one hundred percent.

lavahippo · 2022-01-13T21:35:20+00:00

Crying shows weakness and insecurity which women absolutely despise subconsciously at least because a man's first job is to protect his woman. Failure to do that can result in her death or the death of her children so evolutionarily that is the reason for the strong negative reaction. Women want confident men who are sure of themselves as a rock and feed off of their energy

FoxCQC · 2022-01-13T22:04:57+00:00

I'm a very sensitive man. I don't cry at the drop of a hat but I feel a lot. My experience is most women and men cannot handle emotional vulnerability. I've been shunned for being a big masculine guy but also being sensitive. People absolutely hate how mismatched it looks. It's left me bitter. I learned to weaponize my sensitivity and poke at weak points in someone's emotional set up if they try to cause trouble with me. I only do it in self defense and prefer to avoid it but because of how I grew up sometimes I do it without thinking. I'm working on that though. Trying to let the past go.

Aimeereddit123 · 2022-01-13T22:17:24+00:00

WHO are these women that ridiculed you??!! That blows my mind. Heck no, unless it was very frequent and excessive, a man that feels deeply like that is such a turn on for me!

swedebeanz · 2022-01-13T22:40:24+00:00

women finding it weird are immature bitches. i never found it weird when my boyfriends have cried

KeySea4772 · 2022-01-13T23:07:40+00:00

I think it’s hot when men cry

Novel_Building5337 · 2022-01-13T23:41:10+00:00

Im a dude and my mom just died, so yeah I’m gonna cry and if a girl isn’t okay with that they are literally a piece of shit

rkoll45 · 2022-01-14T01:46:32+00:00

Not a woman but I think I’ll drop a hard truth here. Most women here think they’ll be okay with a guy crying but in reality they’ll likely perceive it as weak no matter the reason, they might be supportive and honoured the guy is opening up but will still see him as lesser

Capable_Dark · 2022-01-14T02:43:38+00:00

Let me save you some time. 90 percent of comments from women here don't reflect how they actually feel. They instead reflect how the individual would like to be perceived as feeling.

beesus06 · 2022-01-14T04:57:57+00:00

I WISH my boyfriend could cry. He was abused so badly by both parents growing up that he cannot cry.

TheHeroReditDeserves · 2022-01-14T05:01:36+00:00

You know your a fucking loser that does noting but post on PPD when you see this thread and don't even have to look at it to guess the contents of at least 1/2 the 350 comments.

Kalmaaw · 2022-01-14T07:36:13+00:00

No it’s not a turn off if you’ve already spent enough time together and made effort to build a strong connection.If you did then probably it’s cause you go after a certain type of girls.

chingness · 2022-01-14T09:30:41+00:00

What sort of women are you dating? Perhaps that’s the issue?

Defs doesn’t bother me BUT I will caveat that with the fact that I personally don’t have infinite patience with people who whinge about their lives but don’t take steps to change it or who constantly blame others for their issues. Let’s discuss it, have a cry sure and then try and move onwards and upwards. Obviously this doesn’t apply to things like bereavement…

lights-off · 2022-01-14T10:27:59+00:00

quite the opposite i’m gonna cry with you

clitorophagy · 2022-01-14T10:55:52+00:00

It’s not fine that you’re not supposed to show emotions. A man who cries at a sad movie is more attractive to me than one who won’t let himself.

SocietalEngineering · 2022-01-14T11:52:53+00:00

When the Redpill says “stoic” what they really mean is “repress emotions”.

Women are biologically programmed to find men who are mentally stable. They are trying to weed out genetic mental disorders in the population.

Repressing your emotions contributes to mental disorders, it doesn’t alleviate them.

That being said, crying may be an indicator that you already have some repressed emotions that you need to get more in touch with.

Go towards the pain, not away from it. Running away from your pain just makes it worse. Redpillers are not psychologists, as much as they pretend to be.

FatStoner2FitSober · 2022-01-14T17:34:31+00:00

Every woman I’ve ever cried in front of has had a negative reaction besides my Mom. My dog died and my ex GF was super negative about me crying.

Sensitive-Permit-877 · 2022-01-15T04:54:19+00:00

You answered your own question. No need to ask us

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-01-18T03:24:23+00:00

No, certainly not, if it makes sense

I can't deal with women who cry for stupid shit, I have the same standard for men

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-13T19:26:00+00:00

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GhostofCamus · 2022-01-13T14:47:48+00:00

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Slipthe · 2022-01-13T14:57:43+00:00

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ashpr0ulx · 2022-01-13T16:59:03+00:00

it would only be a turnoff for me if a man cried constantly and in a whiny manner.

but crying at something sad/emotional? normal as fuck

2022-01-13T18:14:44+00:00

One time my bf and I sobbed together and had the most amazing sex afterwards. Never felt closer to someone 🥰

figuringMylife · 2022-01-13T17:04:29+00:00

no. a woman who loves you will respect your emotions

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-01-13T18:04:24+00:00

Any woman worth having will not lose attraction and respect for you if you cry. I’ve never felt that way when anyone I dated cried in front of me. My current bf is more emotionally demonstrative than most guys, and that’s never been an issue. Now of course if a guy is always crying and whining over silly things, that will get unattractive and annoying. But personally, I find people who don’t show normal emotional reactions to sad things rather unsettling and a sign I might be dealing with a sociopath.

Edit: Keep in mind this can also be cultural. Northern European and some Asian cultures tend to be more stoic than others.

Slipthe · 2022-01-13T14:37:19+00:00

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Chiyuki_Fujiwara · 2022-01-13T14:56:48+00:00

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CFinCanada · 2022-01-13T16:55:05+00:00

My man cried on our fourth or fifth date. No, it doesn't bother me when a man opens up. They're human too right?

skrimpers · 2022-01-13T17:30:37+00:00

When my partner cries, I would comfort them, as long as its not a manipulation tactic or as long as he is not using me as his personal therapist. I feel like taking care of my s/o during difficult times or comforting them when they're crying only strengthens our bond and builds a better and stronger relationship, and also gives them a guideline on how to treat me when I am crying or upset. Its definitely not a turn off unless its a daily thing or they are treating you as an emotional dumpster (which has happened to me).

totential_rigger · 2022-01-13T18:32:46+00:00

No. My partner cries quite a lot (compared to my exes). He's a very emotional and sensitive guy. I just give him a hug and bring the cat over. I'm not great with dealing with other people being emotional so I'm not great with consoling him - I just silently be there I guess.

But I feel great compared to how your gfs dealt with it!

UsefulAd2538 · 2022-01-13T18:36:55+00:00

Crying is a turn off. Who the fuck gets turned on when some is crying.

I think people who cry a lot for pity is a turn off regardless of gender.

Some one who cries because of passion and empathy or with a good reason is attractive. When you cry about something it shows that you really care about it even if it is something stupid. It shows you have sentimental value. People fake cry or cry because of hormonal or pity reasons which those are not attractive.

froderenfelemus · 2022-01-13T18:47:56+00:00

I don’t see men any different if they cry. I cry, they cry, it’s a terrible existence, we all cry.

My ex however, would cry CONSTANTLY- to a point where I would have to avoid saying things so he wouldn’t cry. We only became official because he kept bugging me and crying whenever I said I wasn’t ready yet. THIS is a turnoff. Not because he’s a guy, but because he was acting like a toddler that didn’t get his way.

Some women aren’t as sympathetic as others, they would perhaps have a problem with men crying - again, a personal issue and not a gender issue.

^feel your feelings and be yourself!^

Stahlboden · 2022-01-13T18:50:46+00:00

Sorry to barge into the thread, but I think I should share an anecdote. I'm 30M, My dad is not some super macho, but he is strangely emotionally suppressed and I've never seen him cry in my life, until the last year at his sister's, my aunt's funeral. And mom says she has never seen him cry before that too. When I arrived, I wasn't too emotional, beucase I've rarely seen aunt, and when I did, she was kind of annoying honestly. But when we gathered for the last goodbye and dad started crying for real... It looked and felt so weird in the bad way, so surreal, I started crying too just by looking at him.

HemluckMcGee · 2022-01-13T18:52:29+00:00

Crying is totally fine. It’s normal. Most people do it. I’m not going to judge my bf for doing something completely normal. I would only be concerned if the instances that he did it increased dramatically. Then I would wonder if something was wrong. But even then it’s not in the same realm of things that would make me break up with someone. I would just be concerned and see how I could help/ encourage introspection and therapy.

RIP_huell_howser · 2022-01-13T19:21:52+00:00

I’m definitely attracted to it. To cry and show an emotion in front of me is something that shows he’s comfortable with me and isn’t afraid to let himself be vulnerable.

Cookielemon · 2022-01-13T19:23:12+00:00

It's only a turn off for me If I can tell it's not genuine. Like made the decision to go behind my back, cheat on me for months. Crafted this entire story about how he was unhappy and I was a terrible girlfriend to his friends. They set him up with one of their friends. Meanwhile he is living with me rent free and I'm helping him pay his car payment while he is between jobs. I'm helping pay his debt to the school we both go to so he can re enroll. I think we are going to get married. I find out what he is doing on accident because I accidently took his phone with me to school instead of grabbing mine. I couldn't resist looking through it(I know awful but my gut was correct).

I walk out of class pissed. Go home tell him I'm taking him to his mom's. He doesn't speak to me for the first 30 minutes of the ride ,but when we get off the exit where his mom lives he starts the fakest poor me crying I have ever fucking seen. It was nauseating. I actually laughed because he wasn't crying when he was planning to meet up with his new girl while acting like everything was fine with me.

That kind of crying is not attractive at all.

Fishyinthemiddle · 2022-01-13T19:23:53+00:00

Honestly, depends what he's crying about.

Self flagellation crying is a turn off. "Boo hoo, everyone hates me, I'm the worst." lame

"This movie is really sad" is honestly cute.

"Oh shit, I hurt you and regret it" is really sweet and makes me love him more.

"I have trauma and that thing triggered it" understandable and not a turn off unless he's loudly sobbing.

historyhill · 2022-01-13T19:33:35+00:00

I mean, it's a turnoff in the moment in that I'm not gonna try to have sex with my husband in the middle of crying—I'm gonna be listening and supporting him. But it's not a turnoff in that it has impacted our relationship or sex life.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-01-13T19:35:26+00:00

My personal preference is a man who doesn't cry a lot. Of course it's okay in emotionally heavy moments. I have comforted my bf a couple times when he really needed a good cry. And I always tell him it's okay to cry and express himself, because I really don't want him to feel like he needs to hold things back (that's a recipe for disaster in any relationship). But I do find myself grateful that he doesn't cry that often. I'm an emotional mess myself, and having him in tears all the time would be extremely stressful for me, although I am glad I'm there to comfort him when he does cry.

Basically, it's not a turn off and him crying doesn't make me love him any less or any less attracted to him. But if he were in tears all the time over very insignificant things (this excludes crying during movies, stories or whatever. More like if he cried over every little inconvenience or emotional hurdle) it would be very stressful for me.

I realize I'm being unfair, cuz tbh I cry all the time. But it's smthn I'm working on doing less, because I realize how stressful it can be for a partner to feel like they have to comfort their partner, or walk on eggshells to avoid causing tears.

JewelJones2021 · 2022-01-13T20:09:31+00:00

It's perfectly fine to get in your feelings. But solve the problem afterward.

mercinarary · 2022-01-13T20:29:34+00:00

I used to cry quite a bit and my ex would react by yelling at me. Anytime someone I am seeing cries, I make sure to comfort them the way I would want to be comforted.

bigboymanny · 2022-01-13T21:36:19+00:00

Like during sex crying is definitely a turnoff, I would stop at that point. Outside of sex it doesn't bother me for partners of both genders. People have emotions and cry, I want my partners to be open with me so I don't see why I would be unattractived to em if they cry.

Altruistic_Wafer4398 · 2022-01-13T21:46:35+00:00

Personally, no not at all, I’ve had my bf’s cry in front of me before and I liked that they were vulnerable in front of me because I know it’s harder for men to cry in front of others and made me feel closer to them. Im usually not going to be in the mood for sex after just seeing them upset but it didn’t make me any less attracted to by partners as a whole. Sorry you didn’t have a supportive experience, your gf should be supportive when you reveal your emotions.

FabulousFuchsbau · 2022-01-13T21:49:14+00:00

Have seen my husband cry twice now.

First time was after his motorcycle crash, we weren’t married but we were living together and it had been three years into our relationship. After the left side of his face got some bad road rash that scarred up, he broke down one day and was just sitting in the floor and he asked why I was even still with him and what did I see in him? He fully expected me to dump him and leave instead of staying, helping him clean his wounds, rubbing his back when he got stiff, helping to change the dressings and in general never balking at his appearance. I sat with him and held him while he cried, in turn this made me cry because it physically and emotionally hurts when my husband is in that much pain. The second time was more recent when we were talking about his mother, sadly she passed away when he was young and so she never got to see him go to high school, never got to meet me or her grandson and see how well our family is doing. Seeing my partner in distress doesn’t generate a sexual response in me, instead it makes me want to comfort them and find a way through the pain.

z_forzombie · 2022-01-13T21:50:50+00:00

Dude. If a guy is willing to deal my crazy ass... hes allowed to have emotions too. XD

ADIDAS1993 · 2022-01-13T23:11:55+00:00

No it’s a turn on if it’s genuine. Not because I particularly enjoy comforting or caring for people. In fact I don’t think nurturing is particularly in my nature. It’s a turn on because emotional vulnerability is difficult for a lot of people and it shows a degree of psychological strength for a man to cry in a world that is ingrained with so many messages about how men are/aren’t allowed to express their feelings. The sexual partner I was turned on by the most was also the most emotionally expressive and it was not a coincidence lol. I have always been attracted to a more emotionally expressive man. I myself am more emotionally expressive, I don’t cry all the time but I value free emotional expression. When a man cries it shows he’s comfortable with the full range of his emotional world and will also be more likely to be comfortable with mine. It’s a point of connection and I think sexual “turn ons” are very much about connection and deep emotional experiences for me. And for guys on here commenting that women don’t know what we’re talking about, we do lol we are capable of formulating and analyzing our own opinions.

Novel_Building5337 · 2022-01-13T23:43:29+00:00

Also to op: the women you’ve dated seem to be honestly apathetic or even abusive. It’s not worth caring what they think even if I’m sure it hurt you and I’m sorry you went through that

topshotbubba17 · 2022-01-13T23:47:32+00:00

Depends on the situation

Visible-Doughnut-782 · 2022-01-13T23:52:28+00:00

Crying in front of other people is fine. Bottling up emotion is unhealthy. We have the ability to cry for a reason. It’s cathartic. Cry in front of your friends. Cry in front of your parents. Cry in front of your siblings….

However do not…I repeat…do not cry in front of a woman you are trying to sleep with.

Woman that say they want a emotionally vulnerable guy are lying.

Unless you have suffered a legitimately tragic event like a death in the family it will be a turn off for the majority of woman.

yabbobay · 2022-01-14T00:35:27+00:00

I'll never forget when we lost our cat and my exH kicked a box and started crying. It was such a tender moment. Even though we are now divorced, I still look back at that as a positive part of his personality.

**We found the cat, she crawled into a wall

edit: I rarely cried for emotional reasons until I had kids. Whatever hormonal change I went through, it's uncontrollable. I well up daily.

Areyouforcereal27 · 2022-01-14T01:14:19+00:00

No it’s never been a turn off. It sends me into panic mode usually though and I’ll do anything in my power to comfort my partner but it’s a plus when a man I’m can be emotional mature.

bruheverynametaken · 2022-01-14T01:36:13+00:00

Never a sign of weakness and never unattractive unless hes a literal cry baby and is unnecessarily dramatic about things he cries about.

OkKaleidoscope8048 · 2022-01-14T02:05:00+00:00

I’d much rather you cry than stuff it down and have it come out as anger later.

Maxarc · 2022-01-14T02:18:42+00:00

The reason men get socially punished for being emotional is because we associate masculinity with flatlined emotions. With so many men having mental health issues that tie into suppressed emotions and underdeveloped social skills, it doesn't take a genius to see that this social standard is cartoonish and needs to go. You're ahead of the curve, my guy. Don't let them stop you from expressing yourself.

The reason this meme about women telling you something and then acting on it differently exists is because we can intellectually spot a problem while still having internalized it differently. It's like how we can say that any appearance is valid, but that we're still attracted to conventional beauty standards. When you look or behave in a certain conventionally "fit" way, you signal social status, even though we may know that the norm is bullshit to begin with.

DaburuKiruDAYO · 2022-01-14T02:24:24+00:00

My boyfriend cried when I gave him a meaningful Christmas present, and I fell in love even more. He’s usually a very aloof guy.

elvenvixen · 2022-01-14T02:58:31+00:00

Many of my partners have cried in front of me. I never saw them as less masculine, but I was always non judgemental because crying is healthy

bees-and-stuff · 2022-01-14T03:08:04+00:00

Listen I don’t think anyone should actively be aroused by someone’s tears but I don’t think that’s what we’re talking about. Basically like, I don’t want you to cry in the same way I don’t want to cry myself. I don’t want my partner to experience pain or sadness that makes them cry. However when my partner cries it doesn’t make me think differently of him. If he feels like crying I’ll be a shoulder to cry on all night. I want him to get all his emotions out and I want him to talk to me and I want to help In any way I can. So do crying has never made me not wanna be with someone

Kizka · 2022-01-14T07:59:29+00:00

Absolutely not. My partner seldomly cries but I still remember vividly how he broke down in my arms when his mother died. My love for him in that moment was overwhelming, I just wanted to protect him.

When I catch him tearing up during an emotional moment or when something in a movie makes him teary eyed my heart just warms up so much. I really love these moments, I find him absolutely adorable and I love it when he allows himself to process these emotions.

Seabears2006 · 2022-01-14T08:44:12+00:00

I’ve spent a good amount of time dating (I’ve been single the past 3 years, but used to be very in and out of relationships or short term situations for about 10 years) I am someone strongly connected to my emotions. I’m a therapist. I relate strongly to the HSP concept too. So the point of explaining all that is that I’ve never had a bad reaction from anyone I’ve dated to me tearing up. It’s common for me in emotional movies, moving speeches… That’s super easy for me. Even to a song. I’m a bit of an outlier though in that I can’t cry over my own pain. It’s generally vicariously through others. Idk if that matters. I would also say that these times when I cried were a bit into the relationship versus the initial stages. But yeah never had a bad reaction other than light teasing. I’ve even had positive reactions.

Idk if I’m allowed to answer as a man.

literallycarriewhite · 2022-01-14T12:22:34+00:00

quite the opposite, but that’s coming from a dacryphiliac so…

randomnightly · 2022-01-14T19:14:42+00:00

It isn't a turnoff, on the contrary. It makes me care about the person more and find common ground because I have also been depressed and am quite emotional, even though I look rational for most people because I'm autistic and have often stone face. I do not understand people who find crying annoying, as if it is something that is done for them, and not that the other person feels sad. Of course this goes for crying that is genuine and not whining, manipulation or like a child cry if he doesn't get his favourite toy.

profcoper · 2022-01-14T19:34:49+00:00

I'd say the opposite is true. Given you are not overly emotional to an insane degree, women are majorly attracted to men who can show vulnerability in a confident/congruent way. It basically signals you have a strong enough identity/values/confidence that you don't need to put a false stoic face to impress her.

tf_bloomer · 2022-01-15T15:56:14+00:00

Crying is okay but only if it’s warranted. Your mom died in a plane crash or she took the house and kids. If it’s childish crying then it’s not okay.

RealNiceLady · 2022-02-11T06:07:13+00:00

It's fine as long as it is justified.

justmeJ4 · 2022-03-23T15:55:42+00:00

Title	Is crying a turnoff for you?
Author	UsedCap6
Upvotes	164
Comments	429
Date	January 13, 2022 1:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s2zwue/is_crying_a_turnoff_for_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-crying-a-turnoff-for-you.1096432 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096432

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