Girlfriend stopped taking the pill without telling me, and is now pregnant. Says she wants to keep it. I'm extremely scared.

sirrogue2 · 2013-02-16T22:24:21+00:00

You are being fucked over. Get some legal advice.

AnnArchist · 2013-02-17T00:55:54+00:00

This is a dastardly move.

Try this:

I want to have a family with you someday, but like this and not right now.

Promise the fucking world. Get her to abort. Once she does, then walk the fuck away. Its morally reprehensible to attempt, but it might be worth trying. .

But in reality, its her choice to abort or not. Its gonna be tough to pull off

amazinguser · 2013-02-16T23:10:25+00:00

You are getting fucked. You will continue being fucked for the next 18 years. Welcome to being a male in western society.

You can try for custody, but unless you can prove drug use AND mental disorder (either one alone will not be enough) you will not win.

Immediately request an amniocentesis for DNA proof that you are the father. DO NOT allow her to put your name on the birth certificate without absolute proof you are the biological father. DO NOT acknowledge publicly in any way the child is yours until you know for sure. For your protection.

I'm sorry to see another man fall to a backstabbing woman, it's a sad tale.

Thievishmetal69 · 2013-02-17T00:20:45+00:00

I feel like I was manipulated into this.

There is no 'feel' to it, you were.

She has already said that she will ask for child support

Fuck her.

I have no power in this situation and feel like I am getting fucked over.

Again, no 'feel' to it.

But I really don't know what my options are. Beg her to abort it? Try to get full custody of the kid (she is not fit to be a mother AT ALL)? Just prepare to pay child support for 18 years?

Get legal help NOW!!

Do not let her know what's up though.

Best you can do, unless you feel like fleeing the country now.

Be ready to cut ties with her as much as you can, even if she does decide to abort and things go well for you, GET THE FUCK FAR AWAY FROM HER.

She has just proven she gives NO FUCK at all about you, give no fuck at all about her, return the favor, or prepare for a future of pure hell.

AnAdultWoman · 2013-02-16T22:27:04+00:00

You can try and talk her into an abortion, but with her family standing behind her, it probably won't work.

If she keeps it, get a DNA test pronto - heck, do it via amnio if she'll let you - this might not be your child.

In the meantime, decide if you want to stay with someone that deceived you like that - if you do, I can only say good luck and go to it. If you don't, document everything and resist showing any interest in the pregnancy, her, or the birth until you are 100% certain (ok, fine, 99.999%) the child is yours.

If it does and you've documented things she's done that are reckless and are why she shouldn't get custody - hire a PI if you have to - get a lawyer and fight for custody.

DerpaNerb · 2013-02-17T00:25:15+00:00

Now if sex laws actually made sense... any and all obligation you have to that child should be voided, and hell, she should even be charged with something... I won't water down the term "rape" by using it here, but lying about something that is one of the main conditions as to whether you consent to sex or not should definitely be something.

Back to reality: you are probably fucked. Considering they have forced male rape victims to pay child support to their rapist, I really don't see how you are going to get out of this.

Your best option is to try and get her to abort it. This will sound really deceitful, but maybe say something like "babe, I really want to have kids with you, but I really wanted them after we were married. You should abort this one and then we can have one later when we plan for it after we are married". Basically say anything and everything you can even if you have to lie through your fucking teeth to get her to abort it... and then once she does, just get the fuck out of there as fast as you possibly can.

Since the income difference is so large too, I'd also look into the time required for you to become common-laws, and be aware of that. She completely betrayed your trust here, and is perfectly okay with admitting that she shes no problem about having the government forcibly take money from you... you do not want to be in a common-law relationship with this woman.

If you can't get her to abort it, you have a few options:

1) Just GTFO and pay child support and never see her or the kid again. The CS arrangement would suck for you, but at least you don't have to deal with her.

2) As you said, push for custody. I mean, if you have to pay to support a child anyway, you might as well be a part of it's life. Yes it's not planned, but I mean, raising a kid can be something you can enjoy and some people do truly love to be parents. If you get full custody you don't have to pay CS... if you get 50/50 I also believe you don't have to pay CS (though I'm not sure).

3) Try and work things out? This may sound crazy, as what she did is a pretty fucking massive breach of trust. But if you can get her to understand why what she did was so fucking wrong, and maybe get her to change (this is a long shot)... then maybe you can salvage something and turn this into a happy family? I mean, you've been with her for a year, it's got to be for at least some reason. Only do this though if you get her to fully admit and understand her mistakes, because if you do go this route, no one should be forced to deal with betrayal on a level this big at all (let alone more than once).

As I said, it would require you to forgive her for something massive, but the end result is a potentially happy family, as opposed to potentially paying money to a kid and mother you never see ever.

That's just my 2 cents though.

Stevonz123 · 2013-02-17T06:56:39+00:00

Tell her you love her and really want to marry her but you are not ready for a baby yet. Propose to her and everything. Get her to abort the baby. Make sure you go with her for the abortion and give her lots of support.

Then dump the bitch and run. Block her on your phone/text/email. You are DONE bro. Done.

OneTrappedMan · 2013-02-16T23:51:53+00:00

You are totally fucked. Basically nothing can be done. You were in fact abused here. She saw an oppurtunity to steal your money and she took it.

The whole "my family is pressuring me" thing is very likely just being made up.

Geno777 · 2013-02-17T01:21:16+00:00

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. You have fallen victim to the matriarchy. You can go here for resources:

http://www.paternityfraud.com/

Look up your state here to see what applies to you:

http://paternity.uslegal.com/paternity-laws/

Men in this country have absolutely NO unilateral post-pregnancy rights. I suggest you procure a CASH INCOME that can't be attached and pay the child support obligations on YOUR terms. You, my friend, have fallen victim to a jizz jockey. That was her plan all along.

PerniciousOne · 2013-02-17T01:39:44+00:00

Time to pull a Hail Mary

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=142136971&page=1

egalitarian_activist · 2013-02-17T02:17:42+00:00

I'd say she committed sexual assault. Your consent to sex was under the assumption that she was on the pill.

yourotherusername · 2013-02-17T10:46:53+00:00

I cannot believe some of the comments in this thread. A community with its eyes supposedly open to injustices carried out against men and many comments here amount to "Man up! You're a dad now! Better act like it!" or shaming the OP for wanting a way to get out of being the father.

This is disgraceful, it really is. It's absolutely no wonder why more men won't come forward with their issues when even THIS FUCKING COMMUNITY is ready to shame them at the first opportunity.

Some of you people are fucking scum.

13e1ieve · 2013-02-17T05:18:19+00:00

The United States maintains diplomatic relations, but does not have extradition treaties with the following countries: Afghanistan, Algeria, Andorra, Angola, Armenia, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Belarus, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Brunei, Burkina Faso, Burma, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Cape Verde, the Central African Republic, Chad, China, Comoros, Congo (Kinshasa), Congo (Brazzaville), Djibouti, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gabon, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Indonesia, Ivory Coast, Kazakhstan, Kosovo, Kuwait, Laos, Lebanon, Libya, Macedonia, Madagascar, Maldives, Mali, Marshall Islands, Mauritania, Micronesia, Moldova, Mongolia, Montenegro, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Nepal, Niger, Oman, Qatar, Russia, Rwanda, Samoa, São Tomé & Príncipe, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Serbia, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, Togo, Tunisia, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, Uzbekistan, Vanuatu, Vatican, Vietnam and Yemen.[citation needed]

Ixidane · 2013-02-17T09:11:58+00:00

Offer her a large cash sum to abort. Watch her do it. Keep your money. Laugh.

typhonblue · 2013-02-16T23:17:18+00:00

she is not fit to be a mother AT ALL

Why the hell were you screwing her--fuck it, too late.

Start recording everything you can use to prove that she's not fit. Tell her you will go for full custody.

5F42DE47BC · 2013-02-17T03:23:11+00:00

This was probably the plan from the beginning. Service industry worker with a guy in your income bracket? She had you dead to rights.

At least you probably won't get bankrupted by child support.

Better_than_Beckham · 2013-02-16T23:05:17+00:00

Pull a "Hail Mary", otherwise, get your assets overseas and start a new life. If you do not have a passport, get one ASAP.

OneTrappedMan · 2013-02-17T01:30:25+00:00

It is possible that it isn't your child.

scanspeak · 2013-02-17T01:45:49+00:00

There's nothing much you can do legally except fight for 50 percent custody. As a man you have zero reproductive rights. Quit your job now as what you earn now will be forever used as the minimum to calculate "child support". Think about emigrating ASAP.

toysjoe · 2013-02-17T13:29:39+00:00

I did a brief search of current case law for you. In Boca v. Mendel the same thing happened. The woman was taking the pill, then abruptly stopped taking it. They awarded her $390/month.

Again in Scrubb v. Hackett the same thing happened. Man did not want child, woman stopped contraception in secret, man gets her pregnant, she wants child support. Court awarded her $350.

What I would suggest is that you do not follow any of the crazier advice given here. Do not kill yourself, quit your job, change your identity, etc. You will most likely have to pay ~$400-$500. For someone making six figures, that's probably pocket change. What I'd suggest is you apply for the child's custody. I think you'll have a good shot of getting it.

You make six figures.
You care greatly for the child's well-being
If you're making six figures I'm guessing you have a respectable and high-class job. Prey on the fact that the mother is a minimum wage retail slave.
If you have any dirty secrets on her, now would be a good time to let it all out.

Take the child. Care for it. Then turn around and ask the mother for child support. It won't be much but do it because you're probably a better parent than a manipulative woman who works at a store.

EDIT: I'm studying law, not a licensed legal professional. I'm also Canadian so these cases are Canadian case law. US laws may be different.

Collective82 · 2013-02-17T01:13:09+00:00

Try and get her on tape admitting she didn't tell you she stopped taking her pills. Maybe you can try and show entrapment of some sorts.

sadiator · 2013-02-17T06:05:24+00:00

Ok. Many have said this as advice. It is probably the best idea in your situation. Get ready. This has worked for my best friend, who was really motivated. He was dead broke, he had to support his mother on cancer, his life was HARD. The minute he gets a break and gets some good money some girl pulls this on him.

Fully apologize for your "immature outburst". Physically lead her through a series of planning simulations (decorating a future house, the wedding, ring shopping, LET HER SHOW YOU OFF TO HER FRIENDS AS HER FIANCE, prove to her that you will marry her quick. Then be randomly sad one day. Pull together a grimy speech about how you "looked over all the details as much as you can, and there is just no way to afford all of that - marriage, house, furniture, whatever - because she is having this baby. You tell her you would HAVE to be involved with raising it and would need to lose like 45% of your salary, just make it believable. Sell it. Sell it again.

Tell her that if she went through with the baby, both of your standards of living would take a huge drop, BUT YOU ARE TOTALLY WILLING TO DO IT for the kid. She has to believe you are ready steady to sacrifice a lot for the baby. Suggest to her that a baby is basically a deferrment of her nesting dreams by about 10 years.

Nudge her towards abortion, every day talk to her about how it would really hurt you too, even though this may seem counterproductive.

Convince her that HER FAMILY is living out their dreams through her. Her mother is trying to run her life. You should know EXACTLY what things a woman hates about her family, they all do. Use it. You have to isolate her from her family.

After you get her through the abortion, which will be very hard as a weaker man at this point will be emotionally compromised. Read some Nietzsche or whatever you need throughout this time. Make a quote collection of all the entitled scummy things she has said to motivate you. Stay dedicated to the task. Watch S4 of Breaking Bad and imagine yourself looking bad on it all and being able to say "I won."

After my best friend got this girl (who was every worse than yours) to go through with the abortion, he didnt go to McD. He had expertly cut ties with the girl, he had a solid gig of evidence that proved the abortion wasnt forced, and he just looked over it, over and over, not believing it was really over.

You can do it. It will mean having a harder heart and a colder soul than you've ever had. But win one for us. Every person who's life has been made hell by a woman who abused the legal system will feel a little better, knowing that somewhere out there... a guy won.

salient_punt · 2013-02-16T22:23:50+00:00

Married fathers have some few rights regarding custody. Unmarried, none. Think about it.

toptrool · 2013-02-17T03:02:56+00:00

do not try to force her to get an abortion.

there are laws that allow women to file lawsuits over forced abortions.

gambit87 · 2013-02-17T04:22:59+00:00

There is an abortion pill ... I'll just leave this here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mifepristone

ejk314 · 2013-02-17T05:02:48+00:00

I make over 6 figures, she works retails $10 an hour

... and you honestly didn't see this coming...

IAMULTRAHARDCORE · 2013-02-17T00:12:00+00:00

I have a friend in a similar situation. First thing you need to do is shop around and get a lawyer. Second (or first actually, if she's willing) get a paternity test. No matter how much trust you put into your partner it's not worth not being 100% sure in something that could effect the rest of your life. If it comes back negative your best bet is to move on as that would mean she cheated on you right? If it comes back positive then you need to decide what you WANT and talk to your lawyer. If you want to be a part of your kids life and you don't want to be beholden to this woman for the next 18 years then you need to go for joint legal custody. As I understand it if you have JLC then you are not liable for child support and you get to see your kid exactly half of the time. Unless the mother is literally unfit (drug addict, no home, etc) I think that's about the best you can hope for. Good luck and remember to talk to a laywer ASAP. Your rights may vary depending on where you live.

roland3337 · 2013-02-17T05:18:50+00:00

When did all of this happen? And how much have to talked with her about it? One conversation? Two? If this is recent, you might be able to get away with what Tom Leykis calls a "Hail Mary."

Grabbed this summary found after a search, which describes the process:

-Tell her you love her, you want to get married, you want to settle down in the near future. (You are lying through your teeth of course) -Explain to her that having a child right now, will cost a lot of money which could otherwise be spent on getting married or on affording buying a brand new home and that you could always have a child later on. -If she agrees. Be with her at every step to ensure that she has the abortion. Help her book an appointment etc... -Take her to an abortion clinic and get it done. Afterwards, take her to mcdonalds for an egg mcmuffin (meaning that she had to have had the abortion before 10am). -Then dump the bitch.

Sounds cruel, but is what she did really any better? Do it son.

Mekisteus · 2013-02-17T17:28:20+00:00

Former child support worker here with some advice:

Here are the facts: (1) Your girlfriend is clearly a manipulative, devious person, (2) She is not letting you have a say in whether the fetus comes to term, (3) You make a lot more money than her, (4) you pulled out every time which significantly reduces the chance that the baby is yours.

OP, you have been played. If she hadn't lied about the birth control I'd be more willing to give her the benefit of the doubt but that action indicates that this was purposeful and that she is trying to trap you. Either she thinks having a kid with you will "lock you in" and keep you around for the long haul, or else she just wants the money that will come with having a rich man as her baby's daddy. Either way, snap out of it and do not trust any word that comes out of her mouth from this point on.

Pull every psychological trick in the book to get her to have the abortion--"Baby, I just can't trust someone who forces us to have a child when we're not ready...if you love me and want me to stay with you then we've got to have this abortion. Down the road a couple of years we'll get married and have a couple of kids when we're ready..." (Downvotes are coming my way for that advice, I'm sure.) Then, if that fails, dump her, lawyer up, and demand a paternity test.

At the hospital, the staff will try to get you to sign an "acknowledgment of paternity" as a matter of course. They might even say something like, "Oh, this is just the form to get your name on the birth certificate" and it will be hidden in a stack of other unrelated papers that need signing (the hospital staff are not being devious when they do this, they just may not know any better.) Do not sign it, as doing so will waive your right to contest paternity.

If you really want to be the father then by all means fight for custody, but insist on a paternity test first. Do not let child support weigh in on that decision, though--that decision should be all about you and the child and the relationship you think is best for both of you.

If she retains custody, insist on a formal child support order. Go to DHS and open one up if you must. Why? So that there is proof that you are making payments. Payments that go through DHS are on record. Payments that you make directly to the mother and things you buy directly for the child might as well not exist as far as courts are concerned (unless the mother chooses to acknowledge them--don't count on that).

Lastly, look up the child support formula in your state to find out how much you'll be paying, and prepare yourself now to start living a reduced lifestyle. That way it's not so much of a shock when you begin losing a huge chunk of your paycheck each month.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Good luck!

2013-02-17T11:35:30+00:00

Manipulate her into getting an abortion, say you're going to marry her, say you're about to get a promotion and you're going to be earning 5x the amount but having a child will prevent that, tell her about all the good shit you will give her once you get the promotion and get married (diamond rings, honeymoon, mansion etc) as soon as she gets the abortion tell her to GTFO. She manipulated you to get what she wants, you have to play her game.

TiberiusBostwick · 2013-02-17T12:45:47+00:00

I feel awful for you, but there is some great advice in this thread that should help you out.

I can't wait until Male birth control is widely available, the instances of this will take an absolute nose dive.

No child deserves to be brought into the world like this.

Snooglemunch · 2013-02-17T02:33:37+00:00

This very same thing occurred to one of my buddies. He got completely screwed over, can't see his kid, and she's living off of his income.

I think the purpose of the MRM is to prevent this in the future. But we still have a long road ahead of this.

Bobsutan · 2013-02-17T03:36:10+00:00

I honestly think you should file a police resort for rape by deception.

As for her being selfish and you not knowing what to do, look up the Tom Leykis "hail Mary". If that fails, lawyer up. And if you are against slavery and are principled, you may wasn't to consider fleeting the country.

chrispdx · 2013-02-17T03:45:39+00:00

Once again... a lesson to every man reading this forum... OWN YOUR OWN BIRTH CONTROL. You must treat every sexual encounter as if you will make a baby you might not want. EVERY TIME. Even married men. If you do not ever want children, get a vasectomy. If you do, use condoms. Do not trust the woman you are with, even if you think she would nevervdo such a thing to you. Women's brains change when they become pregnant. You become a second priority to them and a tool. Do not give them this power unless you are 100% on board with the decision.

sadiator · 2013-02-17T10:07:31+00:00

My GF who is fairly MRA ish / has a sense of humor proposes herbal abortificants. While I myself do not see sneaking in some leaves into her diet as a reliable way to induce abortion, apparently abortificants like these listed here :http://www.sisterzeus.com/Abortif.htm have been used to great success.

Make her teas, meals, mixed drinks, etc! It seems that Black Cohosh, Dong Quai, Pennyroyal, and Tansy are your best bets.

damnbiker · 2013-02-17T14:05:50+00:00

Get a lawyer. Think about trying to 50/50 custody. The long and short of it is that you're going to be screwed for child support for at least 18 years, probably more. Depending on the laws where you live it could be much longer. Here, in Ontario, Canada, if your child, as an adult, decides to continue studies you could be on the hook until their late twenties or even their thirties.

Things to think about:

Getting a paternity test. Very important. If it's not yours you need to know this sooner rather than later. Some places will give you a limited time to contest parenthood and, after that, even you you prove that you're not the father it doesn't matter. You're on the hook.
Do you trust this woman to take care of your child alone? If she went off birth control without telling you, she was probably hoping to get pregnant. If she wasn't hoping for that, she would have told you so that you could have taken other precautions. That says something about her character.
If this is your child, it is just that, your child. The decision is yours on how you want to deal with that but remember this: that child was not the one screwing you over. You've already been snared. Now it's time to make the best of an unfortunate situation. You're the only one who can decide what that means for you and that child will have to live with the consequences of both of your decisions.
Move forward with your life. Yes your life has changed, and will continue to do so. You have control over nothing, but choice over all of your actions. Be prepared to make those choices and live with the consequences of all of them.

If it were me in that situation, I probably wouldn't stay romatically attached with the mother, but would try for 50/50 custody. This will minimize your child support and benefit the child by having a strong male role model in his/her life. Being a father sucks, except the parts that don't. Realize that courts and laws are slanted against you and there is little that you can do about it, do the best that you can. Like everything in life, this is a temporary situation, albeit long term. One of your choices has led to this consequence. It's not a fair situation, but it is what it is. Be the best man that you can, and live the best life that you can.

HipsterSolicitor · 2013-02-17T00:13:57+00:00

If you make as much as you say you do, why are you posting here rather than talking to a lawyer?

blu9987 · 2013-02-17T06:25:08+00:00

There should really be an abort/adopt out the kid or don't ~~beg me~~ force me to pay you money clause. Like a male abortion but she still gets to keep it if she wants it. Unlike the other way around.

ConfirmedCynic · 2013-02-17T08:26:47+00:00

You should demand a paternity test. If she was willing to deceive you this way, who knows what else may have been going on.

Consult a lawyer. Maybe if you leave your job before the child is born, you won't be on the hook for so much child support. You can always resume working later.

But in the end, you might just have to accept being a father. If the child is yours, you might regret not making reasonable accommodations later.

philosoraptor1000 · 2013-02-17T04:31:00+00:00

Get off of Reddit and go talk to an attorney right now!

2013-02-17T09:19:22+00:00

Can't you get a statement from her that she did stop taking birth control while leading you to believe that she was still on it? Perhaps the statement legally recorded or logged such as in a text message or facebook message?

Seems to me that her motive is financial, she raped you to get those nice child support payments.

Clauderoughly · 2013-02-17T09:37:11+00:00

I feel like I was manipulated into this. She has already said that she will ask for child support (I make over 6 figures, she works retails $10 an hour).

You have been professionally cocktrapped.

Get a lawyer
Get a lawyer
Get a paternity test

On proof that the kid is yours, get full custody.

proweruser · 2013-02-17T10:49:02+00:00

Tell her that you will do everything to get sole custody, because she is obviously a crazy person and that she will never see a cent from you, since your child is going to live with you.

You can obviously outspend her in court by quite a bit.

Let's see how she will react to that.

edave22 · 2013-02-17T16:27:20+00:00

She wants your money not your sperm. Call a lawyer

2013-02-18T10:51:29+00:00

Please speak to a Lawyer.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. People like that make me so ashamed of women as a whole.

"she is not fit to be a mother AT ALL"

Do you think there's a child welfare issue there at all? If so I would say that you should speak t child protection as soon as possible.

I really hope you get this sorted out, the best of luck to you.

rightsbot · 2013-02-16T22:16:17+00:00

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janethefish · 2013-02-17T05:31:27+00:00

... What state/country are you in? If you are lucky it might be one that has explicit laws or precedent that consenting to sex with protection is not the same as consenting to sex without it, or using fraud to get sex is illegal. If you can get a confession out of her and record it or have it in "writing" (text, e-mail whatever), you might be able to get her sent to jail, sue her for a good chunk of her cash, or use it to get custody stripped from her. You'll probably want a lawyers advice.

Similarly if she has done anything illegal (illegal music downloads, pot, accessing your e-mail, actual mail, phone etc. without permission or anything else that may be illegal) and you can prove it, now is the time to squeal on her. Again a lawyers advice is preferred.

If she ever makes threats even in jest, or hits you, damages your stuff or whatever even in jest go get a restraining order if possible. Lawyer may help with this. Proof of her doing it is preferable.

If you tell her to get out of your apartment/house will she? Just saying once "get out of my house", without any further remarks to that effect, out of the blue will she listen? Or will she ask something like "why?"? Get proof record her not leaving, and call 911.

Don't sign anything that makes you the father, demand a paternity test. She is twisted and a liar, she may have cheated on you. Once again a lawyer will help you navigate these waters.

tl;dr: She if you can (legally) bring down criminal charges against her, don't sign anything and get legal advice.

helalo · 2013-02-17T06:07:22+00:00

SCARE HER. tell her you will give her money but you will refuse to see her or the child for good. find anyway to scare her and shake her and put doubt in her, do it while you play it calm and smart. she will change her mind when she notices you just dont give a shit. just scare her, show her your dark side.

if she gets the baby, get custody of the baby, love the baby and forget the mother.

saturdayraining · 2013-02-17T08:24:30+00:00

Building on what others have said here, you could even try proposing to her. get a fancy looking ring and everything.

But tell her you cant marry her while shes pregnant, because you are planning for your future together, and want to make sure the children will be provided for.

DougDante · 2013-02-17T16:27:01+00:00

Firstly, if I were you I would consider asking for a non-invasive prenatal DNA test.

Most likely when it comes back positive, I strongly urge you to accept the reality that you're going to be a dad.

Embrace it. You will have a child.

This child needs your love and attention, and yes, the child will need financial support.

The child custody system is screwed up. Mom will likely get default sole custody, and you will get only some minimal time to be with your child.

The child support system is screwed up, and if mom keeps custody, she'll likely get much more than it costs to raise the child. You'll just have to accept the financial loss, and if you like, work politically to reform the system to be in the bests interests of children.

If she's unfit, keep documentation. Get a lawyer. Try to get custody.

But prepare to care for and love your child all that you can. It will be worth more than money.

Hughtub · 2013-02-17T03:29:56+00:00

Future advice: DO NOT fuck any girl you wouldn't want to have a child with.

CharlesMarlow · 2013-02-17T16:36:33+00:00

That's incredibly fucked up and very disrespectful, not only of you but of the human being she's trying to bring into the middle of this to satisfy her own selfish desires.

Lawyer up.

herbandmargie · 2013-02-17T19:59:48+00:00

6 figures.

There is no way she will abort it. This isnt about a baby, you are a ticket. Her family wants her to get that ticket. You were duped and the law isn't on your side at all.

I would get a paternity test though, ASAP.

Pulling out is pretty reliable actually. It has fared better than the pill in my experience.

I bet she collected your cum from her body or wherever and put it in.

Oriumpor · 2013-02-17T20:35:06+00:00

Leave the country. Men have no reproductive rights in the US.

2013-02-18T20:12:21+00:00

How evil are you? If you genuinely don't care for her, if you believe abortion is not murder, and you don't care about the law:

Obtain mifepristone (the abortion pill). Package it up and disguise it as prenatal vitamins. Act very supportive and make sure she takes it. Act disappointed when the pregnancy fails, and use the failed pregnancy as an excuse never to see her again.

This is, of course, murder in most US jurisdictions. Be prepared for plausible deniability. Manufacture a motive for her to have secretly aborted the baby and blamed you for "poisoning her."

Finally, prepare a go-bag and an escape plan.

/sarcasm lawyer up bro

ellski · 2013-02-17T01:25:57+00:00

Do you know for sure that she's pregnant? Odds are slim, if you didn't cum in her.

PieMasterBob · 2013-02-17T01:28:55+00:00

She has already said that she will ask for child support (I make over 6 figures, she works retails $10 an hour).

Well she clearly seems like she is a much better option for housing a child. Why give custody to someone making six figures when she gets a whole 10$ an hour?

whoasir · 2013-02-17T02:40:00+00:00

Unfortunately, if she doesn't want to abort it there's really nothing you can do to stop the arrival of the child. I would demand a paternity test and then fight for full custody if the child is yours.

OneTrappedMan · 2013-02-17T05:06:44+00:00

Right now, you are very angry. Rightfully so. She is a bad person for lying to you. You are also getting lots of incredibly bad advice in this thread. I sincerely hope you don't listen to any of it.

It is possible that she will agree to an abortion. You need to tell her that your relationship with her is over regardless of what she chooses. She may believe that having a child will force you to commit to her, you need to dissuade her of that. Do not be angry in any way when you talk to her, she will misread that as passion. Simply tell her that whatever she chooses now, your relationship ended when she did this.

Next, get your head in order and stop thinking about yourself. It sucks that your girlfriend is crazy/deceitful/whatever, but most likely, in less than a year, you will be a father. Your son or daughter did not choose to be put in this situation, and it is possible that the only sane, stable adult in his life will be you.

You need to get a lawyer, and start thinking about what is best for your new child. Also, be prepared to pay every penny of child support and more, but also be prepared to make sure the money goes to taking care of your child. It sucks that you have to grow up quickly and involuntarily now. This is a shitty situation for sure. The only thing to do, as a man, is to put your fucking helmet on and get ready to take care of your child.

Good luck.

fuck_it_advice · 2013-02-17T05:35:53+00:00

First, quit your job. Second, "sell" all of your assets to a trusted family member along with closing your bank accounts. Lastly, refuse to get a job paying more than minimum wage and be prepared to do some jail time in protest of the forced situation. Do Not Take My Advice Seriously! But, I know that's what we all wish we could actually do.

GBRowan · 2013-02-17T06:01:41+00:00

Well you can try giving her three options.

Adopt the kid out if she's opposed to abortion, continue your relationship.
She keeps kid, that she wants, and allows you to sign away your rights to the kid.
You will take her to court, if she doesn't choose 1 or 2, have her claimed unfit, and not allow her contact with the kid.

If you can fake it to make it it might work out for you. If she thinks you have the money and will to make it happen she may cave. If you're weak she'll eat you alive.

Blemish · 2013-02-17T06:46:04+00:00

The fact that you have a well paying job, looks like a contributing factor

shady2 · 2013-02-17T07:34:47+00:00

lawyer up and stay strong my dude.

Kappies10 · 2013-02-17T07:54:30+00:00

Other options is to kick her on her stomach while she is sleeping making her have a miscarriage or you could accidentely "push" her down the stairs.

... I'm a sick man.

Totenglocke42 · 2013-02-17T08:42:33+00:00

She has already said that she will ask for child support (I make over 6 figures, she works retails $10 an hour).

Dammnit Trump, stop screwing the high school dropouts!

Hey, if she wants to play dirty, I'd play her game and find a way to slip her medication that would cause a miscarriage.....but that's me.

fluxBurns · 2013-02-17T09:38:23+00:00

Have a conversation with her about her stopping taking the pill and lying to you and record it. I don't know how or if it will help, but it may come in useful.

ericphilbin · 2013-02-17T09:40:03+00:00

Isn't giving up all paternal rights an option?

tigonometry · 2013-02-17T09:54:28+00:00

Hire a lawyer, get full or split custody.

EDIT: DO NOT be a weekend dad. It sucks; you never get to see your child.

Kastoli · 2013-02-17T10:52:26+00:00

On a serious note here, what country are you from? That will give everyone a better understanding of what you'll have in your favour legally.

I myself, were I to find out tomorrow that my girlfriend was pregnant, would quit my job and disappear to another country, and i'm not saying that out of jest...

Xenoith · 2013-02-17T12:18:02+00:00

If you have enough money saved up I'd suggest just fleeing the state or country, immediately, so she decides it isn't worth it or doesn't bother trying to find you. If you do it after it's born, it's more likely she'd pursue. I find it funny that if in the dark a guy said he put on a condom but didn't, and got a girl pregnant, feminists would come screaming "Rape!" A girl does essentially the same shit, basically lying to get a guy to fuck her, and she gets child support. What a whore.

2013-02-17T12:19:47+00:00

As a VERY last resort; run away?

ladysekhmetka · 2013-02-17T12:54:36+00:00

oh god, I'm going to hell for this, but you could always slip her something herbal....

Anyway, I would lawyer up

edit: If she doesn't naturally miscarry anyway, it happens in 10 to 25% of pregnancies... if she's not just lying to you.

Funcuz · 2013-02-17T12:55:56+00:00

Well yeah , you're getting fucked twice on this one. Yes , you know that you should have worn a condom and that's water under the bridge now. Unfortunately , that's about all that there is to say. The courts certainly aren't going to help you in any way. Fact is , they'll do everything they can to turn you into a walking ATM even if it means you have to live on the street.

About the only thing you can hope for is minimal child support payments. One thing you'll definitely want to do is make sure that SHE NEVER SEES THIS POST ! Why ? Because she can use it as leverage to keep custody over the kid. You've just claimed that you don't want the kid ... it doesn't matter if she walks into court with a needle full of heroin sticking out of her arm ... she'll get the kid unless you can prove she's unfit AND you ARE FIT. Two big hurdles and THIS POST OF YOURS COMPROMISES YOUR POSITION.

agordonwsu · 2013-02-17T13:08:05+00:00

This story makes me depressed. Just sad all the way around. Good luck OP

aaarrrggh · 2013-02-17T14:10:49+00:00

You're fucked. Welcome to the matriarchy.

Geohump · 2013-02-17T14:51:38+00:00

get a GOOD lawyer, Start to document how she is unfit mother. Lie like hell! pretend to still like her, while documenting her lack of fitness. let her think the two of you have a future together. 6 figure salary? Also hire a PI to document everything bad she does.

breakwater · 2013-02-17T15:40:47+00:00

Don't worry, I've been assured by SRS this never happens in real life. You must be one of those Straw Men I keep hearing about. Everybody knows women can't get impregnated by straw.

J0n3 · 2013-02-17T15:58:39+00:00

Atleast were i live, you are fucked up and cant do anything =/ sorry mate

Poueff · 2013-02-17T16:05:09+00:00

Wow, just reading this thread made me really angry... all I can do is wish for the best, as this is really cruel. And, holy shit, one year? I can't imagine how much you must've trusted her, and then she pulls something like this? It just made me rethink my standards.

Good luck my good man, you don't deserve this at all.

ibm2431 · 2013-02-17T16:51:02+00:00

You're already ahead of yourself, first things first:

Confirm she's actually pregnant.

Some women, for some reason or another, will lie about being pregnant. They'll claim they are, claim they went to the doctor, or even produce a fake pregnancy test to show you. I know it sounds ludicrous, but I speak from experience on this one.

Before gearing up to win a custody battle for a child you never wanted, first make sure said child might actually exist. With some sort of proof, not her word. Bear in mind that many at-home pregnancy tests will display what appears to be a positive result should the test sit there for an extended period of time - don't trust one unless you see it no more than ten minutes after she's taken it.

This isn't to say you shouldn't start looking for a lawyer just in case. But don't get ahead of yourself and stress yourself to death over the word of a person who you already know is deceitful.

Audisans · 2013-02-17T19:29:44+00:00

Guy that has been in the same situation here.

Prepare to begin paying child support within 6 months after the child has been born. Bottom line, if she files, you will pay.
At this point, do not assume the role of the Dad and obtain proper legal advice to figure out your state's process for paternity testing. You won't be given a second chance to do this down the line.
You may think you don't want to be the father, but if the child is biologically years and you decide not to be around, you will still be paying 18-22 years of child support and it will eat at you every single day that you have a kid out there and you don't know who it is. Eventually, you will probably will want to meet your kid and re-gain some sort of parenting time or custody and it can be very, very challenging to re-enter the child's life, both legally and emotionally.

Don't listen to people's bullshit about "manning up" and doing the right thing and taking responsibility either. If you aren't ready, that's fine. It's your life and your call.

TheExits · 2013-02-17T20:11:25+00:00

She raped you. This is rape. You consented to sex only under the condition that she was on the pill. She is a rapist.

Tetrahedroid · 2013-02-17T22:16:33+00:00

You have no rights, join the club.

Guloratel · 2013-02-18T22:30:48+00:00

This is gonna sound harsh, but if she lied about the pill, what makes you think that she's not lying about you being the father?

Bohica69 · 2013-02-19T00:55:20+00:00

No, lawyer up now. You will pay child support. Your mistake was not wearing a condom. Do not marry her. The issue(s) here are how much support and custody. You need to seek legal counsel now and prepare for the next steps. You need to limit your contact with this person and never be alone with her again. She sees you as a life support system for a wallet, and you knew it.

sadiator · 2013-02-19T10:07:34+00:00

Also, this is very important.

COMPLETE COMPUTER / EMAIL / PASSWORDS / FINANCIAL INFORMATION SHUTDOWN.

You don't need her getting in any of that shit. She doesn't need to be withdrawing money from your bank account to pay for her lawyer. She doesn't need to see that you have been texting and redditing about this.

downvoted_by_lefties · 2013-02-19T19:49:59+00:00

You could try bribing her. Draft a written agreement stating that, if she gets an abortion, you will pay her X amount of money (a persuasive amount, like, say, $30K).

Then don't pay (in excess of the cost of her abortion) and argue that the contract is unenforceable because you signed it under duress and it's against public policy (valid arguments to render a contract unenforceable). You might lose such an argument, but it's worth trying.

Worst case scenario: you're out $30K dollars. Way better than the amount of money and hardship that will go into supporting your insane GF.

Of course, I would consult with an attorney first (someone specializing in contracts, rather than family law, I would think). There might be some legal precedent in such a situation.

Kampane · 2013-02-17T02:48:42+00:00

You could probably fake your own death for a lot less than 18 years of child support.

InfiniteFinite · 2013-02-17T03:13:52+00:00

Do you have dual citizenship?

djwork · 2013-02-17T07:13:02+00:00

Robo-hookers or direct brain computer interface porn can't come soon enough.

NrwhlBcnSmrt-ttck · 2013-02-17T07:57:18+00:00

Dang. Sorry about your bourgeois job. Get custody.

jjakers88 · 2013-02-17T08:43:17+00:00

In all seriousness I would definitely go to court. You sound like your much better off financially and could probably whoop her but in trial

Totenglocke42 · 2013-02-17T09:11:29+00:00

You said you make over $100k - if you're feeling gutsy you could always "accidentally" crash your car while the two of you are driving and hopefully that'll take care of things.

Me personally? I'm a risk taker, so if I knew I was looking at 20 years of financial slavery, I'd go "a little too fast" on a snowy road, turn off the traction control, and put the car into a tree.

Galactic-Unicorn · 2013-02-17T10:00:00+00:00

If all else fails, push her down the stairs.

elpollodiablo42 · 2013-02-17T10:05:39+00:00

You were manipulated into this and have no doubt that it was planned; but that doesn't mean anything in the eyes of the law. Support is all "for the well being of the child".

I was hit with a similar situation a few years back and am stuck paying a little under 1/3 of my takehome. and based on the local laws I'm forced to send her my and my company's tax returns on a yearly basis to be scrutinized (Tried to fight this but all I got was an order to do so; failure gets me jail time for being in contempt of court.)

Best advice is to lawyer up. Research your lawyers as a bad one can do more damage than good. (There are a lot of lousy lawyers out there.) Remember you're not going to get out of it but there is some damage control you can do to help lower your costs.

Begging/full custody are options but she has all the power as the laws are all in her favor. With your salary and depending on state laws, get ready to pay at least a couple grand in support.

AtheistAgnostic · 2013-02-17T11:28:34+00:00

Start looking for a job abroad.

Leave the country, or go somewhere without child support. Or, lawyer up and record everything.

Wizzer10 · 2013-02-17T11:56:00+00:00

Here's the plan:

Get a really high paying job.

That's literally all you can do. You have no legal protection. What you do need to do however is make your feelings very clear to this girl, perhaps even make her believe that you'll not offer her support (you'll be forced to by law but it may still make her rethink her decision or at least make her respect yours.)

cablemigrant · 2013-02-17T12:42:51+00:00

Its called male privilege

chillmonkey88 · 2013-02-17T12:45:38+00:00

i have a similar story, not tricked but... i guess you can say she was pleading the fifth on using birth control, and i let my dick do all the thinking for a long story short, as shitty and scary and threatened you feel right now. You need to make a moral decision right now and that is run away, lawyer up(my number one right now for you making what you do) or try to make it work. I didn't do either of those and now i pay $100 a week however this is where our stories aren't the same in that I make it work and me and her are still cool and it sounds like if you make 6fig you will pay a lot-LOT more than $100/w. Now you seem to have answered your questions already 1. shes not giving it up 2. you want custody because you wont have to pay or have a child in a broken home "she is not fit to be a mother at all" 3. and the only one you didnt answer yourself... you need to prepare at all maybe get joint custody (physical and legal) do some homework with a lawyer. Remember as a man you need to prove her UNFIT to be a parent to get custody otherwise she will probably be awarded. Its going to cost you now either way you need to decide how much and is it worth it. If there is anything i can't stress enough either is DO NOT blame the kid and also be the best dad you can be if you choose to be, and be smart about how you handle these next 9 months like i said do some homework and don't be scared, be smart and savy and make smart legal decisions...if it helps I wouldn't change my situation for the world... when my son gets dropped off by his mom and walks in the door and see me... there's something special about when I imagine him seeing me and his eyes light up (the guy who didn't want anything to do with him and wanted to have an abortion) I feel like a super hero to him when he comes storming in my house to hug me and ask what were going to do while he's here and his mom stands there in envy because he doesn't do that to her when I bring him home, ever... long story but in conclusion fight for everything and be the best person you can... whether you want in this baby's life or not take this stress and fear and use it to motivate and educate yourself... I wish I did

Iamgoingtooffendyou · 2013-02-17T12:52:16+00:00

Talk to a lawyer.

Necrovoth · 2013-02-17T12:54:25+00:00

I'm afraid all the advices I can give to you has already been given by some others here.

So all I can say is, good luck bro. And please, remember to keep us updated on the situation if you can.

SecretPenguinAgent · 2013-02-17T13:18:38+00:00

When possible, converse digitally and record it. Google chat, Facebook messenger, Skype, etc. Talk to your lawyer about what of these could help your case, if any.

ilikewc3 · 2013-02-17T13:31:54+00:00

Dude move out of the country. I can't fathom what I would do in your situation, but it would probably be illegal if I didn't move away.

yakyakyak · 2013-02-17T13:53:10+00:00

Having sex with with your girlfriend, who you see as not fit to be a mother, but trusting her to be on the pill sounds like you put yourself in this position. Nothing to be terrified about, just deal with it and lower the drama as much as possible. Either choose to stay with her or break it off. Be a father, either way. Go for custody but don't shut out the mother, a child needs both parents, and yes, financially support your child.

Jkb77 · 2013-02-17T14:24:34+00:00

She should be changed with rape because you never consented to sex without any protection.

eggilicious · 2013-02-17T14:29:35+00:00

Is rape by fraud/deception recognised where you live? You might be able to argue that your consent was dependent on her taking the pill

lamamafia · 2013-02-17T14:33:41+00:00

Get some legal advice, but if your job could be done in another country, that is your best option.

You really need to prepare yourself OP to have to pack your things really quickly and get the fuck out of this country. If I were you, I would already be looking for jobs elsewhere since I'm pretty sure that once the kid is out, you won't be able to do much beside getting fucked over child support.

wysiwyg2 · 2013-02-17T14:45:36+00:00

Seriously until the day they finally come out with a fool prof Male contraceptive and you do not want to have kids.

Rule number one DON'T FUCK WITHOUT A CONDOM!

Rule number two MAKE SURE TO TAKE SAID CONDOM TO THE BATHROOM AND RINSE IT OUT!

You might not like number two but it prevents the .01 percent of crazies from taking said condom and trying to get themselves pregnant. Before I got married I followed both of these rules religiously.

ipoopgreatness · 2013-02-17T14:59:30+00:00

Yeah, you're going to be on the hook for that child. If you think you're going to be a better provider you need to take her to court for custody and argue your case. Welcome to your new life. :)

jollygnome123 · 2013-02-17T16:06:08+00:00

You have been manipulated, and a child is coming now one way or another, since the bitch probably won't abort. It sucks, but you probably shouldn't have trusted a woman so far below you on the chain to begin with. That being said...

Turn this shit around on her. Make her think you'll stay with her, all the while preparing for a legal battle behind her back (and looking for a new girlfriend, just explain that you'll have a kid at the beginning of the relationship). Then, as soon as the kid pops out, sue for custody of kid and emotional damages. She loses custody of the kid because she's worthless, loses you and finds out you have a new gf (make sure she's never able to meet the child and file a restraining order). Best case scenario, she kills herself. Use your 6 figure income to raise happy and healthy child, and if you're lucky you marry a decent woman before the kid ever starts asking about his real mother so he assumes new gf is real mother. Marry new gf, live happily ever after. Profit.

Arcnsparc · 2013-02-17T16:49:07+00:00

HIDE SOME ASSESTS NOW BEFORE THE CHILD IS BORN! You make 6 figures, the child will be taken care of, but she may take ALL of your money so you cant even afford a lawyer so save and hide some money now.

30303030303030 · 2013-02-17T16:57:13+00:00

I feel like I was manipulated into this.

You were manipulated into this, what a cold, manipulative, twisted cunt. God.

Get legal advice, now, but you are paying for that kid for 18 years. If you are smooth you may try to talk her into abortion, maybe propose, but from what I've read, this bitch knows what she wants and is well aware you will pay for her living for 18 years. I wouldn't be surprised if she was taping your talks from now on, do the same and try to tape her confess that she didn't tell you about stopping taking the pill, not that it would matter probably in court, not sure how it is in Australia.

Oh, do the test. It wouldn't be the first time when woman tries to catch better dad on not his own kid.

Sorry man, that sucks.

kyler1230 · 2013-02-17T18:07:06+00:00

Take full custody. Ask for child support, be the best fucking dad ever. A child is not a death sentence, it come with so much happiness and you will raise them so that you won't resent them when they are older for being like your girlfriend. But keep it cool man. You're not fucked, life just threw you a curve ball.

I_divided_by_0- · 2013-02-17T18:11:40+00:00

You have no legal standing here.

FIGHT HER HARD FOR CUSTODY!!!!

OneTrappedMan · 2013-02-17T18:31:25+00:00

Hey man, I've been in an incredibly similar situation. This is a classic case of "sperm-jacking".

I was very scared when it happened to me too. I was happy that I was going to be a dad, but I was scared because of everything that went along with it. Preparedness, responsibility, lifestyle changes, etc..

In my situation, it was in the best interest of my child to be with me as well.

So, during the pregnancy, we ended up getting into a fight and breaking up for a bit. I went back though, because I was scared that I wouldn't see my son being born and that she would try and take him away from me.

During the last month of her pregnancy, we moved in together in a house that we rented without a lease (important). When my son was born I was there, and I was also able to document her insanity/instability.

After four months, I left with my son. She was unfit, and doing crazy things. The final straw was when I came home from work to find her 15 year old daughter watching him with no food or formula, and he was crying in his car seat. Who knows how long he was in there or when he last ate! Obviously, I was livid.

Her daughter said, "Mom went to a movie, she said she'll be back tonight."

I went to the store, got formula, diapers and other necessities, and drove to my parent's house for the weekend with my son.

It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Thankfully I wasn't under a lease with this woman. I was positioned to leave, and I wasn't responsible for her.

Anyway, I started documenting everything. I made several mistakes of "being nice", as in not taking photographic evidence of things (because I had misplaced feelings of guilt/virtue) or not calling to cops on her.

She ended up asking me to admit her to a mental institution, where she stayed for a week. She said she couldn't handle the stress and post-pregnancy depression. Still not sure how much truth there was to that, but I'll let it slide as it may have been legitimate.

I got a very good lawyer, but the main thing was my diligence and follow-through. I kept talking with the G.A.L. (Guardian Ad Litem, the person who will likely be the voice of your child, if you choose to seek custody), and kept him paid. The keeping him paid isn't about paying him off, it's about establishing responsibility in his eyes, commitment, and consistency.

If you choose to go through with custody (which I recommend, being a dad is freakin' awesome, even if it was unexpected), you're going to end up having to have a game plan. This game plan will consist of a few things:
1 - Most importantly: The best interest of the child. This is the ultimate view point, as this is the lens that the courts will view the case through
2 - Her instability / unfitness as a mother. You want to get past a "situation only" based argument, and into a quantifiable, document-able and character based argument. Here's why: If she doesn't have a car, you would be surprised who will donate one. If she can't afford to live on her own, her parents may take her in. If that's what you're basing your argument on, your argument is gone. And if that's what you're using to say she's not fit, then those have changed and she would now be "fit". You can also evidence her instability by your own stability. Pay for all that you can, and if you can, pay on her behalf as long as she is court-ordered to pay you back. That way you won't be out of the money.
3 - Your ability to use the appropriate vocabulary and self-control. Don't go over and have sex with her (desperate women will get pregnant again, seriously). Don't call her names, don't get crazy. Repeat certain things, "This isn't in the best interest of the child". This is especially important when you're talking with your lawyer, the judge, and the G.A.L..

The lawyer will bring you through the rest of the game plan, if that is the route you choose to go.

As far as the rest of the legal process goes, you'll have a few different things to think about. He's a brief look at it though, to help equip you for the process.

1 - Types of custody: Joint, and sole. With Joint, the two of you come together to make decisions for the child as far as healthcare, religion, school and such go. The biggies. You'll have to look at "shared-residential" and "residential" too. Shared-residential means the child will stay with each of you 50% of the time, and nobody pays child-support. Residential means that the child stays with one parent most of the time (resides with them), and the other gets visitation and also pays child-support.

2 - The G.A.L. will be the respresentitive for your child as I said before (this is if you both cannot agree on joint parenting and decisions regarding that). The G.A.L. will typically run about $3,000 - $10,000. Sometimes more, sometimes less. He will talk with both parties, and do home visits as well. He'll then render his report on who he thinks the child should reside with and why. You want to have a decent relationship with him, keep him updated but don't be annoying.

3 - The 604(b) also goes by the name "Custody Evaluator" or "Court-appointed Psychologist". They will act similarly to the GAL, except they're concerned with your mental state. These guys can run you a bill of $15,000-$50,000. No joke. The 604(b) will also interview people who you have set up as "references". Make sure that these people are involved in different aspects of your life, and that these people have seen you act over a long period of time with your child, for extended periods of time. This way they're able to speak from experience.

4 - The "trial process". You basically have a few things that will happen. You guys will meet, go into a mediation type of exchange. This usually doesn't work out, so you get the GAL. Then he does his visits and renders his report. After this, if he says you should have "Joint custody", you work on the J.P.A. or the Joint Parenting Agreement. This is where you guys lay down the rules and regulations for how you want to do joint custody, with a mediator who you will go to in case you cannot come to an agreement about something. The JPA is important, as it lines out everything that you'll need to know: visitation, child-support, medical, college payments, religion, school, etc.. If you cannot work it out with the JPA, then you may end up going to "pre trial", which is basically a last ditch effort to get it resolved. At this time, you may end up getting a 604(b) involved. After the GAL and the 604(b) come back and make their reports, and you guys STILL won't back down, you'll go to a trial. This is where the lawyers interview people, subpoena people, and there are people who testify. After that, the JUDGE will then make a decision.

This is the process that I went through, and I'm being given sole custody. This is a lot of the information that I didn't have when I started, that I wish I did have.

Given all things, this can cost anywhere from $5,000-$75,000.

Edit: Also, get a paternity test. You'll want to establish parentage

totally_jawsome · 2013-02-17T18:37:06+00:00

This is super sad. Sounds a lot like the pregnancy scare I had recently with my SO.

I wish there was a way to save the man in the situation.

I posted on here actually about it. I was not keen to an abortion at the time and he was absolutely depressed that I wasn't going to get one. I offered him an out and said I would raise the child by myself. I wouldn't bother him with child support or anything like that. Unfortunately, even if I wanted to let him off the hook the court system wouldn't. It's sickening. If he wants the child and she doesn't its an issue and if she wants the child and he doesn't then he's just being selfish. Stupid world.

2013-02-17T19:19:20+00:00

My advice to you at this point is just be the best Dad you can be under the circumstances.

chillghost777 · 2013-02-17T19:24:30+00:00

Make her pay child supports by getting full custody, that'll show her.

OneTrappedMan · 2013-02-17T19:46:20+00:00

I just wanted to point out that we (dudes) tend to get pissed at women for assuming things about us, right? Or over-generalizing about all men being pigs or whatever? So I don't really think it's fair to assume that all women are like OP's gf, or even to assume that OP's gf's motives are bad, we don't really know the whole story, or even if any of this is true, no offense OP.

wilkiag · 2013-02-17T19:48:36+00:00

Well she is a pretty big bitch for doing this. It was sneaky and down right wrong. HOWEVER, you are obligated to help support thay child. You didnt want a baby? Wear a fucking condom or pull out. You fucked up. By having sex you take the risl pf this. Man up and do what is right. The kid doesnt need to grow up without a father.

Get a lawyer. You should h ave to pay child support but a good lawyer and a decemt judge ahould get it lowered a pretty good bit sonce she instigated this.

Pantsyr · 2013-02-17T20:55:46+00:00

Bring on the male pill - it cannot possibly arrive soon enough.

anduin1 · 2013-02-17T21:15:19+00:00

Pretend you lost the job and act like you're going to lose everything? Maybe it'll make her panic. This is so fucked up though, imagine men being able to use their bodies like this to force partners to do things.

A Hail Mary might work in this case too but who knows, might be worth a shot.

TheRealPariah · 2013-02-17T21:23:19+00:00

Tell her that you will insist on a paternity test... and see a lawyer. You are going to be on the hook for 21 years if the kid is yours and she gets primary custody. My guess is she stops working and lives on child support. If I were you, I would seek shared custody. Maybe you should think about leaving if your skills are portable.

oreopimp · 2013-02-17T23:57:16+00:00

Stairs

Tytalus2 · 2013-02-17T23:59:26+00:00

For God's sake get a paternity test done ASAP. In most states/locations you only have 30 days to prove you're not the father in order to not pay child support. Of course, if it is yours then you're still up shit creek.

tojeremyleroux · 2013-02-18T02:11:22+00:00

dude, you make over six figures and you don't have the sense to hire a lawyer?

sometimes it's a duty to help a fool part with his money.

2013-02-18T21:27:04+00:00

Falcon pawnch

NorthernSpectre · 2013-02-20T09:19:21+00:00

Secretly record her admitting going off the pill without telling you and hope the judge isn't a moron.

Skarvha · 2013-04-04T08:54:29+00:00

If you give up your parental rights doesn't than mean you dont pay child support?

2013-05-28T16:28:04+00:00

I believe that "Sex under false pretenses" ought to get you somewhere.

IAMULTRAHARDCORE · 2013-02-16T22:32:09+00:00

I sense a troll. New account, and a format which mimics that of previous trolls.

justdoitnikenike · 2013-02-17T06:20:27+00:00

Why not just give her an abortifacent? Neem oil works. It smells like onions, and you can get it at GNC. I'm sure there are other alternatives.

einexile · 2013-02-17T10:08:20+00:00

It's too late not to get fucked over. That already happened.

Don't put yourself in a nightmare position; make nice and figure out a way not to make your kid's life a depressing nightmare. Consider that, unless your instincts are pretty flawed, you were drawn to this girl for a reason, and her deception was an act of stupidity and desperation. At all costs reject the notion that you must end the relationship because she is a bad person. The next one will be a bad person too. We've all got our charms. This one is a known quantity and she's about to become some poor creature's mother.

Appeal to her desire to create a good life for the child. Do not fall prey to the crazy bitch act; she has probably concocted it out of fear. Go to her armed with solid knowledge of the advantages this child will receive from a stable home and parents who get along with one another and put the child first. This is not a matter of principle, it is just what tends to happen.

No one is ever ready for a kid. Losing your freedom sucks. Having someone depend on you for their very life is terrifying. You know what else sucks? Having your dad resent you. Put it out of your mind.

This all probably sounds crazy to you, but you'll have better luck faking it then backing off gracefully as time passes, than you will have trying to talk her into a course of action she will likely find absurd and obscene. You might even have a little fun. I've got a feeling you won't have much fun remembering that once you almost had a child but you were too frightened.

Phototoxin · 2013-02-17T13:03:04+00:00

Firstly - having sex = babies. Biology 101, short of her having a hysterectomy sex can always have a chance of babies. /endchastisement.

Get full custody - clearly she's of the mentality that by having a kid you will be around. Don't abort, that's murder, disposing of an unwanted child is chilling. If you get full custody then you'd be fine and could do what you wanted. Why is she not fit to be a mother anyway?

HalfGingGhost · 2013-02-17T16:04:04+00:00

The pill doesn't have a 100% efficiency rate. While what she did was wrong, you should have known there was the slightest risk of pregnancy when having sex. Lawyer up and the best of luck to you.

DangerDick26 · 2013-02-17T16:07:03+00:00

I am in the same boat, and there really is nothing you can do. Women have all the power when it comes to this. This is a form of rape in my opinion. Women who do this should be forced to abort.

30cities30shooters · 2013-02-17T16:18:05+00:00

(Only applies it you are telling the truth and were tricked jnto it.)

As long as an abortion is possible (first 2-3 months?), pull every legal (obviously non threatening) move to convince her to abort it. Make an Oscar worthy impression about how you love her, want to marry her, but just not with a kid yet. Also, seek legal advice as soon as possible.

Once it's too late for an abortion, search about the best legal solution for you, but don't forget that you'll be a father. It's not the child's fault that it's mother is a bloody cunt.

Lizziloo87 · 2013-02-17T17:44:41+00:00

was her intentions to get pregnant?

Rockytriton · 2013-02-17T18:01:05+00:00

Yes she ducked you over, but its not your child's fault, you don't need to punish your child by killing him/her

rs181602 · 2013-02-17T18:03:48+00:00

1) obtain ru-486 2) apply chemical pregnant bitch 3)???? 4)chemically induced abortion

seriously, do whatever you can to make her miscarry. put caffeine pills in her food/drink, stress her out, make her sick so she has to abort, stuff like that. she didn't play fair, neither should you.

DelilahNRA · 2013-02-17T22:34:55+00:00

You fucked up and now you have to deal with it. When you have sex with someone you go into it knowing the risks. There are so many forms of birth control you as the man could have used. She was a shitty gf for not telling you but that doesn't change the situation its her body her choice your dick your choice you chose sex. You probably won't get custody (since she's the mom) and dont try and get custody just so you don't have to pay, that is horribly unfair to the child. Sit down like an adult and talk about it "she won't listen" is a pussy way of saying she disagrees with you. It happens you've been dating a year I'm sure you two can sit down like adults and discuss a new life. Do you really think she was only with you that long for money? Can you honestly say she never cared about you and your future? Time to man up

bunker_man · 2013-02-17T23:14:55+00:00

If you make over six figures what are you worried about? The truth of the matter is that despite her stupidity you have a kid now. Fight for custody once you can. Or use her trick in court to get a reduced payment level. Or just deal with it.

Really, you should have thought this out before having sex with someone who would do that.

robswins · 2013-02-17T07:06:18+00:00

I had a similar situation with a girl I had been dating for 2 years. The girl was a total mess in her life, I was doing well financially, we had planned to move in together soon and were considering getting engaged. She stopped taking the pill, claimed to have told me while we were having sex (she later admitted she just sort of mumbled it), got pregnant and wanted to keep it and us to get married.

I was totally in love with the girl, but wasn't really ready to be a parent at age 22. Her parents are Catholic so they were very against abortion, but I convinced her it was a decision with way more impact on the two of us than any outsiders and thus should be made with just our interests in mind, not those of anyone besides us.

In retrospect I actually regret not just having the kid with her. I eventually convinced her to get the abortion and it ruined our relationship. I guess it boils down to whether this was someone you saw yourself having a future with or not. This girl was my dream girl and I threw it away because of how scary the idea of being a parent was, which I now regret. Oh well, live and learn.

capitanestevan · 2013-02-17T09:02:27+00:00

Falcon Punch time

skewp · 2013-02-17T12:54:10+00:00

Just prepare to pay child support for 18 years?

If you didn't want to do this, you should have worn a condom or gotten a vasectomy. The power was in your hands all along. It's 50% your fault, 50% her fault.

2013-02-17T13:13:26+00:00

Two things you can do. Man up. Pregnancy is always a risk, even when on the pill or using condoms. That kid, that will be your flesh and blood. It wasn't its choice as well. If you have a decent bone in your body, be the best dad ever. It doesn't mean you have to remain in that relationship. If you really want to stick it to her, get an awesome lawyer and take custody off of her. She is clearly unstable or whatever. The kid is coming whether you want it or not. You will be a father.

Second thing is you deny your part, break up and move to another state or country. That way you will remain free but that will haunt you one day.

MuseofRose · 2013-02-17T14:20:37+00:00

Op you're a dumbass in my book. The last thing you do if you are not ready to become a father is raw sex.

Whatever, just dont be another dumbass that signs the birth certificate or admits any iota of complicity with the baby.

2013-02-17T15:43:32+00:00

Three kids here. Really man, Its not that bad. I pay child support by working a second job and I see my kids regularly. Get a lawyer and get in your baby's life as much as possible. You'll not get full custody but try to make the custody as even as possible. This will lower your payments a bit. Also, insure the heck out of your child and yourself. Dude, I know you don't want to hear this and I am most certainly not trying to be an asshole to you but when you have sex, no matter how protected, having a child is a possibility. I know you're scared but financially you are set to take care of you child. Emotionally, be in your child's life. I was scared to death but I would not have it any other way now despite the break up, the sacrifices, and legal hassles.

You can't read her mind. There may be reasons beyond you as to why she did what she did. She's terrified and you are her only source of stability. Here's the thing, You are a man. Men take care of what they create. Do the right thing for YOUR baby. Be a dad. You may regret how it happened but believe me, being a dad even part time is great.

Good luck to you bro. You're going to get through this. One dad to another.

AsylumPlagueRat · 2013-02-17T16:35:13+00:00

Some might call this "pro-choice." I guess this means women shouldn't really be able to do what they want with their bodies unless it involves murdering their babies. In any case, appeal to a civil court that you should not have to pay child support and dump the bish.

Lolthien · 2013-02-17T18:02:03+00:00

Christ, here goes, who needs upvotes anyway?

You tried to dismiss the 'You should have worn a condom' argument in your post. But the sad fact is: You should have.

Men should always assume they could get a woman pregnant when they are having sex. Of course, I understand you trusted her when she told you she was on birth control. I understand she was super hot that night and there were no condoms around at hand. I understand she lied and manipulated you.

But the lesson we should all take from this is: You are responsible for your own fate. No condom - no sex. Simple as that. That one single step would have saved you from this. And while I know you don't appreciate being a cautionary tale, every man in this sub should take the lesson here.

You have as much control over becoming a father as she does over becoming a mother. Birth control is almost exactly as effective as condom use.

Also, for your sake, I hope you realize the only recourse you have that won't fuck your life up even MORE than it is already is the 'See a lawyer' advice. Jail is worse than a kid, I promise.

TL;DR: Assume the woman is lying. No condom = you are responsible for consequences.

AsymmetricDizzy · 2013-02-17T18:54:25+00:00

Hahaha, this is hilarious. I thought you were like, 16 or something, and then out of nowhere "I make over 6 figures".

I just picture some 30 year old dude who went to Harvard wearing a business suit all, "ahhhhh help internet! i dont know how to deal with knocking a girl up!"

kidsneakers · 2013-02-17T07:57:12+00:00

lol happy papa

BUTTEFFINSTINK · 2013-02-17T15:30:19+00:00

You make 6 figures, she's still your girlfriend and you're scared... Fuck that dude, man up and own your responsibility as a man and father... You made your bed, now sleep in it

ADH-Kydex · 2013-02-17T19:39:43+00:00

I want to think outside the box here and try to find a solution. If the end goal is to prevent her from having a child that she isn't fit to have, and forcing you to support that child against your will, the only option is to prevent her from having the child.

Now, I want to point out that this is nothing more than a thought experiment. I am suggesting things that will most likely work, and I am well aware that they are at best very immoral and possibly illegal. Do not do this. Seriously, don't.

Tell her you set up a sonogram on your insurance and are going to see the baby. You are excited to be the father. Make sure you are both wearing seatbelts. At some point in the drive, reach over and adjust hers higher over her abdomen and crash your car into a phone pole at significant speed. Before impact, pull your legs back and get your arms away from the airbag. You might get hurt, but cars are built well nowadays. She loses the baby, you say you swerved to miss a rabbit or something. Insurance buys you a new car and you dump her. (note, this idea came from a friend who's crazy wife crashed on purpose to try and kill him. They are still together)
Drug her. While she is knocked out inject her with something to cause a miscarriage. She wakes up in bed none the wiser.
Bust your ass for 8 months and save as much money as you can. Learn spanish, move to Mexico. You could live for a while on tripple digits. Sneak back to see friends and family.

Good luck!

nofap3321 · 2013-02-17T20:48:58+00:00

You are an idiot. Why are you with a girl who makes 10 dollars an hour? What is she soo unique a person that you're willing to overlook that she's basically a useless unproductive member of society? You asked for it man

JoePrau96 · 2013-02-17T00:29:17+00:00

i know i should of used a condom Hind sights a bitch ain't it.

jjakers88 · 2013-02-17T08:37:16+00:00

Kick the bitch in her stomach

rileyrileyriley · 2013-02-17T15:36:58+00:00

I hate our culture. Were you planning a long-term relationship with this woman? Did you realize she wanted kids (even if only one day) but that she would be an unfit mother? Yet you continued to see her? Did you not think this was a possibility?

Begging her to abort? Oh man, I'm disgusted right now. This is what Men's Rights is about? I am supposed to feel sympathetic here? You are adults making adult decisions. Your actions have consequences.

billybishop4242 · 2013-02-17T06:03:39+00:00

man up, buttercup.

if it's yours you're screwed. get a paternity test. girl is not honest in one way so is suspect in every way.

sorry.

Wix021705 · 2013-02-17T21:31:18+00:00

First of all, you need to man the hell up. Yes, she is a total cunt, but for someone making "6 figures" you should have realized that birth control is not 100% effective and the pull out method is a total failure. Also, what kills me is that men just want to blindly trust their woman that she is taking BC. Surely there is a time when you could see the pill packet, or ask her about her refills? In all seriousness, men, keep an eye on the pill consumption and refill habits. I doubt many women would think to actually dispose of a pill a day.

Anyways, moving along. You need to stop being anti-baby, because anything you say or do will be used against you. Do not ask for an abortion, this will come back to fuck you over more. And why on earth if you do not want the baby would you ask for custody? That comes off that it is all about "money" and not about the child's safety. Raising the child by yourself is going to change everything, so again, if you do not want the baby now, why would you ask for custody when he/she is born?

What you need to do is:

1). A bit of soul searching. You need to figure out what it is that you want. Fuck the "right now" but in 9 months and the future. Your GF is the one who will be dealing with the pregnancy, you get to sit back and watch. You need to get involved with the pregnancy for various reasons. One being that it may help you figure out if you want him/her or at least be in his/her life. Second, if your situation goes before the judge, being involved in the pregnancy will be in your favor.

2). Seek legal council. You need to find a lawyer that has experience in child support/custody battles. I would see if your lawyer knows the realistic "ballpark" estimate on how much you can be looking to get hit up with for child support. Remember how I said stop being anti-baby? This is where it also comes into play. If you went before the judge and they find out you were being a complete dick about it, they could potentially tack on more child support to that "ballpark" estimate. Anyways, you need to look at that "ballpark" estimate and see if you like it. You probably won't... so that is where you take that "ballpark" estimate and see if you can find a realistic figure that you can swallow but also that your GF will be willing to accept. Then from there perhaps your lawyer can draw up a child support contract that you and your GF agree upon. You should also throw in some clauses where you agree to provide other financial support (Christmas presents, school clothes/supplies, etc.) I do not know if this child support contract will work, but if is allowed legal standing, then it could very well end up saving you a piss load of money in the end. I can't stress on having a realistic figure to present. Also, think about the whole custody/visitation thing, too, but don't present your GF with this until closer to due date. You don't want to regret anything.

3). Consider a paternity test, just to be sure. Be sensitive about it because if it comes back positive, you may have hell to pay. You do not want a Maury incident.

OP, I know you are pissed and you definitely were manipulated, but you need not hold the child responsible. You may not ever forgive your GF and forever hold ill will towards her, but for the sake of you and your future (whatever you decide) try to love the baby. You may be surprised. If not, then you at least tried. If all else fails then your optimism and involvement will work in your favor either through your GF or the judge taking you to the cleaners.

TL;DR: What's done is done. Make the most of it so you don't get screwed over financially in child support.

Carpeaux · 2013-02-17T10:42:48+00:00

Dude, congratulations on having a kid. Enjoy fatherhood, it's great.

I wanted to start on a high note. Now the other stuff.

I'm sorry you're getting fucked over, but you're gonna have to make do with the cards you're dealt. See what you can do about the "she is not fit to be a mother at all", that's quite possibly the worst threat, that you'll have to support this child and she will raise him to hate/despise you. We read about quite a few of such cases here.

Also, it should be a good idea to have a dna test to make sure he is actually yours, preferably before legally becoming the father. Pulling away is a quite effective contraceptive measure, so it's quite possible that she is lying about you being the father.

Here's from the wikipedia article above: "For couples that use coitus interruptus correctly at every act of intercourse, the failure rate is 4% per year. In comparison the pill has a perfect-use failure rate of 0.3%, and the I.U.D. has a

Sorry but I have to add, as a Christian who believes abortion is a horrible act, please don't do it. Once he's born, you will love him and hate yourself for wanting to abort the little dude.

Nipplestoker · 2013-02-17T00:47:56+00:00

Looks like somebody needs to take a tumble down the stairs.

throughactions · 2013-02-17T08:11:52+00:00

Abortion isn't the answer, it's not the child's fault his mom is a whackjob.

Fight for full custody or push for adoption.

ScannerSloppy · 2013-02-17T12:37:46+00:00

You make six figures. Pay your fucking child support, or else you deserve whatever the courts hit you with. "I have no power in this situation, wah wah wah" If this woman is so immature and is obviously of a far lower socio-economic status than you are, why was she your girlfriend? Maybe you like having ALL the power in a relationship, and you think your child should die rather than you compromise one inch on living your life exactly as you please. Grow up, scumbag! If you're too greedy and selfish to take responsibility for your actions, maybe you should just abort yourself.

robert32907 · 2013-02-17T08:40:42+00:00

(I make over 6 figures, she works retails $10 an hour)

You're an idiot.

Beg her to abort it?

You're also amoral scum.

whoasir · 2013-02-17T05:08:48+00:00

Hey, I'm all for male's having equal rights in this world (I'm a female but still acknowledge how skewed the justice system is), but abortion shouldn't be lightly tossed around like this...

If she's not fit to be a mother, and she has the baby, PLEASE be there for the child. He/she will need someone in its life that can take care of it. Be more than a wallet if that day comes, okay?

Hope everything works out for you, mate.

gender_genie · 2013-02-16T23:21:56+00:00

Female Score: 299 Male Score: 233

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Zero day troll. Downvote. Report. Move on.

joetheyfit · 2013-02-16T23:20:22+00:00

you had unprotected sex with her, you have to deal with the consequences. If you're making "over 6 figures" it's really not that big a deal.

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