Why do so many women say their low sex drive in marriage was due to lack of emotional attunement & burden of household chores, yet immediately start enjoying CASUAL SEX after divorce with men they share no emotional connection or household chores with?

GraceOfTheNorth · 2025-10-12T13:34:56+00:00

Two reasons: I saw research quoted some couple of years ago that had found out that when women feel they have to 'mother' their men they lose attraction to him. They go into a different 'box' in women's head so instead of feeling like a partner or even like the man is a protector, they feel like he's just another child.

Second reason is that if you feel a burning sense of injustice over the division of labor or state of the relationship, that is a real ladyboner killer.

oppositegeneva · 2025-10-12T13:38:46+00:00

I feel like this is rather obvious

It’s a combination of NRE (new relationship energy) and she doesn’t share a household with the new guys, so things like division of household labor aren’t even applicable to him

Men who are capable of sleeping around after a stale marriage do the same

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-10-12T13:37:03+00:00

Um is the woman doing chores for men they are just hooking up with? No. Those men are still men in her eyes, and not children she has to clean up after.

Velocirappthor · 2025-10-12T13:34:01+00:00

And right after divorce these women start having casual sex to no end with good-looking, hot, fit, younger men who absolutely bring no additional value to their lives and perform absolutely no household chore for them.

But does she have to do chores for them?

Women are saying that they aren't getting the same amount of effort that they put in to marriage.

The important thing is that it's even, that the relationships aren't draining her.

trengamy · 2025-10-12T13:30:53+00:00

the womam starts viewing her husband as a child thus her libido will, obviously, collapse. nothing more unattractive than a man who acts like a child

kmb218 · 2025-10-12T13:43:59+00:00

You are misunderstanding, it’s not that doing household chores makes women want sex. It’s that your partner doing something that actively makes your life worse (not doing their part of household chores) builds resentment and makes it less likely the woman will want sex. The guy she is having casual sex with doesn’t live with her so he is not adding to her household chores / not making her life worse.

Few-Yesterday9628 · 2025-10-12T13:52:06+00:00

Because random casual sex man hasn't shown her what an absolute child he is yet. Also, there are no expectations for him to fail. They don't share a home, kids or life together.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-10-12T14:43:16+00:00

Cleaning up after someone is annoying and burdensome.

Not having emotional connection within a relationship makes the relationship meaningless.

Being in a relationship is a lot of work time effort and energy.

Being a roommate is a responsibility.

Even attractive men will be divorced for being annoying and burdensome.

Also the emotions for a stranger are pretty neutral.

The emotions for a husband who is a bad roommate and emotional/romantically neglectful is resentment, feeling disrespected, burdened.

So then the wives have to work to be in meaningless relationships with men they feel are disrespectful and burdensome.( At this point the relationship is burdensome)

Many women would rather have meaningless sex than be in bad/burdensome relationships.

cb8585b · 2025-10-12T14:50:25+00:00

I don’t know, libidos are complex sometimes. But to be clear (well I hope) women are not saying household chores turn them on lol

When women (and men too) mentally check out of their relationships it usually happens slowly but my observation is sex is usually one of the first things on the chopping block for women. And it’s not because they NEVER physically desired their husbands, sexual chemistry/desire usually fades in long term relationships anyway and that’s just a fact and while it can come back, If that is coupled with lack of connection, an unfulfilling sex life, resentment, and other marital issues then that = no/ less sex = more conflict = further checked out. You’d have to be able stop this cycle early enough.

And also you’re talking about two different dynamics. Casual sex doesn’t equal long term desire and is not coupled with the same sets of expectations.

Competitive_Swan_130 · 2025-10-12T14:10:13+00:00

Is this a fact? I notice a lot of men here, the so-called "logical" sex, believing their personal observations = a pattern. I could use that to say things about every man but that would be stupid. I understand hasty generalizations help your confirnation bias but of you want real answers seek good data.

Inevitable-Bite8660 · 2025-10-12T14:20:51+00:00

But here’s something I’ve noticed:

These days I have a physically demanding job — to the point that it’s giving me disc problems. When I get home, I just want to sleep; my body hurts, I have no libido, and my mind feels blank.

But during the recent long holiday, I didn’t have to go to work, got plenty of rest, and my back pain mostly went away — and suddenly, I was back to being able to have sex every day again.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-10-12T16:07:13+00:00

Because she doesn’t have to mother the guy she’s having casual sex with. Plus there’s no pressure that she has to have sex with him at a certain frequency or he’ll get upset, and if he starts treating her poorly, she can just walk away. Some women actually need a positive emotional connection to enjoy sex, and these women aren’t going to enjoy casual any more than sex in a bad marriage. But others just need there not to be a negative relationship situation going on, not to view the man they’re having sex with as basically a demanding child.

I’m sure the same thing applies to a lot of men really, men’s sex drives can absolutely be killed by an abusive or unhealthy marriage, but that doesn’t mean they won’t enjoy causal sex after that.

Last-Guitar-6532 · 2025-10-12T18:47:57+00:00

First of all, all of these are think pieces by women who liked casual sex after a divorce. Most women aren’t into casual sex.

Second of all, a man who refuses to emotionally connect with you or who refuses to household chores, has deeply hurt her. It’s hurtful to no other level to be betrayed by a partner who is arrogant and weird about chores or spending time with their wives.

A stranger hasn’t hurt her. A stranger is just a stranger.

Plus_Ball_5990 · 2025-10-12T18:52:56+00:00

I also think that women who marry for money cheat with men they are attracted to on the side. I rather marry for love and have a lot of sex with my husband. So there are all types of women, if men want a good woman do not flaunt that you make good money. Use the right bait to catch the right woman.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-10-12T18:21:25+00:00

As your relationship progresses, your partner stops truly "seeing" you and starts to check out emotionally. When you become single, however, men often seem to "see" you again, and your "sex drive" (male framing) can return

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2025-10-12T14:55:31+00:00

Because we don't expect them to be taking part in the housework, and we don't expect them to really do anything other than be good in bed. We don't live with them, we don't share a life. We just share bodily fluids and company for a few hours.

Believe it or not, most women do actually like sex. We just don't like it being on the chore list.

JadeGrapes · 2025-10-12T17:29:31+00:00

Because she expected support, asked for support, and was let down. She emotionally and logistically invested in someone who betrayed her, and she felt used.

The new guy? She has no expectations. And he has not yet "let her down" by failing to follow through again-and-again.

She does not invest emotionally or logistically. If anything, it's the other way around.

Guys are very high energy/effort early in a relationship, because they are trying to "win her over" - she can enjoy the affection, attention, and feeling important, without any of the discomfort of ongoing bitterness tainting the interactions.

She FEELS pretty, valued, important, sought after, etc. The new guy makes her FEEL good. She doesn't expect ___, only to see it wasn't a priority... AGAIN.

The new relationship doesn't have that baggage. If anything, she may enjoy it MORE out of SPITE;

"See, I AM worth taking out on real dates. SEE it's not that hard to ask about my day, this guy looooves hearing me talk. SEE he's not too tired to help me ___. SEE he doesn't give me a hard time for buying __."

Women do, in-fact, also enjoy sex. She just went off her ex because he failed the other parts of the relationship so badly that she couldn't enjoy it with HIM anymore. She didn't stop liking sex and romance and companionship, she just got tired of the old guy being selfish, rude, or lazy. New guy hasn't shown those sides yet.

WebBorn2622 · 2025-10-12T14:03:52+00:00

Because when you live with someone who doesn’t take on their share of household responsibilities they are actively pushing work onto you and stressing you out. They are the source of some of your negative emotions and that makes it harder to find sex with them appealing.

When you are in a relationship with someone they have taken on the responsibility to care for you emotionally. If you are upset or crying others will instinctively seek out your partner to help you, instead of say a friend.

They aren’t just not fulfilling their obligations to you, but they are preventing others from doing it too by taking on the role as emotional support without actually doing it. Leaving you to deal with your emotions all by yourself when you are used to a network of friends.

Women don’t enjoy sex when they are upset or stressed. If their partners aren’t fulfilling their obligations to them they become upset and stressed, therefore they don’t want sex. But a random guy you don’t live with and don’t rely on not doing things for you isn’t stressful or upset.

Dependent-Tailor7366 · 2025-10-12T14:08:54+00:00

Are you seriously not getting it?

These women built up years of resentment against their husbands because they had to do all the household chores and put up with his bullshit. They don’t hold a grudge against these men. Don’t take your wife for granted.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2025-10-12T16:55:25+00:00

So I feel like when my parents got divorced their social lives both benefited from 50/50 custody. They went from balancing parenthood and a larger house to only having their kids half the week and for my mom, a smaller apartment to maintain since she moved out of the house.

So realistically imagine going from kids in the house seven days a week to 3-4.

A lot of women generally end up with their spouse qualifying as a dependent. Cook, clean, shop, organize, majority child care, all while also working and you kinda resent your husband playing videogames in his man cave while you try to find your kids stuffed dog.

If you have no attachment or expectations of someone other than sex and sex is all they provide you're not disappointed. If you do a bunch of vows and have kids and he keeps leaving dirty underwear everywhere the urge to fuck can get nuked.

There are also a lot of other things that nuke sex drives. My friend was basically asexual while she was breastfeeding but 2 months after she stopped she was jumping her husband as often as she could. Hormones are a big thing.

Avast_Lion · 2025-10-12T18:17:46+00:00

Because their casual hookup isn’t shirking their responsibilities? It’s not that doing chores is a turn-ON, it’s that having to do somebody else’s dirty dishes, laundry, and share of cleaning and childcare is a turn-OFF.

froderenfelemus · 2025-10-12T19:39:49+00:00

I feel like you answered the question in the title. She enjoys casual sex because she doesn’t share any chores with him. There’s no mental load of him not pulling his weight.

As for the emotional connection, there’s a big difference between no emotional connection with an attractive stranger, and having no emotional connection with the man whom you share a bed with every night, took vows with, and fell in love with. A stranger is a stranger, the emotional connection doesn’t mean anything. Your husband is not a stranger. The emotional connection matters. A lot.

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-10-13T00:17:16+00:00

Because resentment builds over time in a relationship. The resentment is one of the causes that lowers attraction

TheSkyIsData · 2025-10-12T14:10:52+00:00

Every single time I give my opinion on the subject people hate it but honestly I'm going to do it anyways.

The real reason is because human beings, men and women, were not made for strict monogamy. Monogamous animals "cheat" all the time.

It's not because they don't and never have found their partners attractive, it's because they're bored and need to feel something fresh even if a lot of women don't know it. Do men that cheat even when they're having sex with their wife just not find her attractive? I'd like to believe that's not the case, he just wants more sex and a variety of women. Contrary to popular belief on reddit, women like sex too. When i hookup with someone for a little bit it completely resets my "boredom" or whatever you want to call it and reinvigorates me and my man's sex life back to normal for months every time.

As for why a lot of women say things like "he's not doing enough for me around the house, he's not emotionally available" it's probably because A) people get angry when their beliefs on monogamy are questioned B) they don't really know the reason why their libido is low and are trying to think of something to fix it C) they're embarrassed/ashamed to tell their partner they're bored of the sex they're having. Or maybe even D) the marriage is dead already and they shouldve divorced him long ago. Nothing can be done about that one

FitnessBeth · 2025-10-12T15:52:01+00:00

They don't.

A few articles don't prove women go on a fuck spree after divorce but men struggle to comprehend that a few anecdotal stories don't really mean anything.

Anything that confirms their worldview and makes them feel a lot of emotions? The truth.

AutoModerator · 2025-10-12T13:26:34+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-10-13T02:24:52+00:00

You've literally answered the question. Women aren't regularly picking up the socks and preparing lunches for men that they're hooking up with casually.

NovelSkin4369 · 2025-10-13T03:32:53+00:00

Marriage comes with a lot of expectations... From both ends... A women who is appreciated by her man fr her efforts will automatically be attracted toward him.. bt guys start taking them fr granted... Which is a turn off fr most women... They need to feel attached to their spouse to enjoy sex... Coz it's not just about physical desires its about love n commitment... After divorce the casual sex is more like a coping mechanism... I m not sure they expect much from it.. it's without feelings.. without care... Plus I am sure it's not half as fun as having sex with someone u are in love it ..

Yupperdoodledoo · 2025-10-13T04:28:37+00:00

If you’d read anything about this you’d know that women have said over and over that their husband being like another kid they have to take care of makes them lose their attraction to him.

mother_earth_13 · 2025-10-13T04:35:12+00:00

I blame monogamy. The idea of fucking one person for a whole dang life is what lows their/our/for sure mine - libido.

JustMoreSadGirlShit · 2025-10-12T14:17:01+00:00

i think a lot of times when women say things like that it’s really that they want their man to be the opposite of what they currently are. i don’t think attraction is the main issue

Oogamy · 2025-10-13T00:37:39+00:00

Women generally can't get horny for people they resent. The new guy hasn't been around long enough to do shit that makes her resent him.

Superb-Foundations · 2025-10-13T02:00:20+00:00

I want the man who I have sex with to like me. Its as simple as that. If my husband didnt help around the house, didnt woo me, didnt care about my emotions then yeah. I wouldnt want to fuck him. That doesnt mean I dont enjoy sex but why would I have sex with someone who doesnt even like me? They want a wife, treat me like a wife. If I am dating though those household chores arent half your responsibility. Those children arent half yours and i expect nothing from a man I am dating but to woo me. Men choose marriage because they want the house, the kids, the life manager. How many women do something as simple as buying gifts for their husbands family and signing their husbands name on the card? A lot.

I firmly believe if she is having good sex, as in she orgasms 1-3x a session, isnt doing the majority of the child rearing and cooking and cleaning then she will continue to want sex. But if you dont like your wife you will pump and dump, play video games, and ignore your responsibilities thrusting them onto her.

TLDR if you want someone to love you for free go back to your mother. 🤷 if you want a good sex life then be a good partner.

Comments