Why do men seem to almost exclusively focus on physical things?

AidsVictim · 2024-10-21T22:07:03+00:00

Men who are both attractive (as in actively attractive to women, so a very small % of men) and relationship oriented are rarely on the market. Men that are "average" in attractiveness (i.e. the vast majority of men) and relationship oriented are more likely to be on the market but still less so than short term oriented men. Men that are attractive and short term oriented are constantly going to be on and off the market. Men that are average and short term only are actually not that large a percent of the market (because most average men will go into relationships with sufficiently attractive and/or agreeable women even if they are nominally short term oriented) but are basically always on the market. This creates the impression of an outsized population of short term oriented men (i.e. men looking for FWB) because they are overexposed on the dating market (especially OLD).

Also the nature of OLD and it's impacts on other avenues of dating commoditizes relationships which makes them less valuable - a guy knows that (most) women have constant access to a lot of options and are likely to jump ship when something goes wrong (which could be any random "ick" or just not exciting enough or whatever). OLD emphasizes the visual aspects of dating so that's what gets selected for increasingly.

We’re all human after all, women get aroused too and yet we seem to prefer emotional/mental connections (the majority anyway).

I’ve only got 2 possible theories I can think of for this:

A) a penis is genuinely an all-powerful mind control weapon which can overwhelm the senses of the majority of men (more unlikely)

B) societal influences throughout history on the genders. For example, women are often told/taught young by media and their parents that they should strive towards finding their ‘prince charming’, whilst men are often told/taught young that they don’t have to worry about that stuff, and due to the words of their male family members they grow up being more excited to have intimacy rather than have a romantic relationship. At least that’s what I’ve been told from some others. This possibility seems more likely but I’m still not certain.

Most women always aim for the most attractive guy and then compromise or disqualify him based on their perceived chances and desires in a relationship. It's really not much different from men, women just have additional/stronger filtering on top of visual filters. Studies consistently show a mans physical attractiveness is by far the strongest predictor of mens romantic success (i.e. it's what women are selecting for).

wtknight · 2024-10-21T21:38:00+00:00

There just doesn’t seem to be the social pressure to settle down and have a family anymore while one is a young adult. There is also a realization that having kids is very expensive. As a result, what motivation is there for men to settle down and attempt to act mature? There are a lot of distractions nowadays that are less expensive and more fun than a family.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-10-22T01:03:42+00:00

I find that a TON of guys these days are only looking for a physical FWB

The men women are attracted to only want this type of relationship because they can and will get this type fo relationship.

krmaml · 2024-10-22T02:16:19+00:00

What choice do we have when a hookup/FWB styled relationship has become the litmus test of a woman's attraction towards us?

It is a value system you women created. You casually fuck the guys you are actually attracted to on 1st or 2nd date, and become their fuck buddies to see where things go. You f'n lie to men you're not truly attracted you that only have sex in long term committed relationships and need a mf'n emotional bond first.

Tell me again, what the fuck are we supposed to do? How can we not want to hookup and be fuck buddies first when thats the only fucking way to confirm we are attractive to you and not a beta fucking provider cuck in your eyes?

HighlightDowntown966 · 2024-10-22T00:29:43+00:00

Answer; the men YOU like have tons of options and are in no rush for exclusivity.

End topic

mobjack · 2024-10-21T22:17:23+00:00

He wants multiple women and you are not their top choice.

Wanderingwombat1902 · 2024-10-21T21:42:54+00:00

You’re only seeing the men who want to be players. The men who want to settle down either already have or they can’t get a girlfriend to begin with.

So all you seem to see in the dating pool is the fuckbois who just want sex. This is a minority of men

southwestheat · 2024-10-21T21:49:22+00:00

Men do want relationships but don't trust that it'll go the distance. Men are tired of constantly being vulnerable just to get let down again and again.

Going for only sex removes most of the emotional frustration of seeking a LTR.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-10-21T21:42:38+00:00

It’s male nature. If one looks at the behavior of male homosexuals, one can get a better idea of what the male imperative is, without having to compromise with the female imperative. Generally speaking- It’s a lot of sex with a lot of partners with little commitment.

You actually have it reversed in your post. Men need social incentives and influences to commit and build families. Men’s default is to seek sex.

Timosox · 2024-10-21T22:44:13+00:00

For me, it's two reasons.

I've recently moved overseas on a temporary work visa. I do have the option to maybe apply for sponsorship if I find a good enough job, which I am open to, but if I don't or choose to return home, I doubt many women are going to want to enter a relationship with someone who isn't sure will stay in the country forever/ for a long period of time
As a late bloomer, losing my virginity at 28, I would like a more physical relationship because it is also about validating my feelings about wanting to feel more desirable, more attractive. That I am sexy enough to get a woman to sleep with me with needing that connection or the effort of commitment. I've had one long term relationship. It was great, I loved it, and I loved her. But I also want to experience being the guy she'll go home with after a few drinks and knowing each other for less than a night. I wanna be the guy who she looks to for a quick fuck whenever she's horny

Garfagnana · 2024-10-21T21:49:58+00:00

Correct me if I’m wrong, but essentially what you’re asking is “Why are so many men only interested in FWB or other short term sexual flings?” The answer is simple: Because many women will do it.

There’s an old saying “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” As a guy, why would I want to go through the trouble of getting into a serious relationship, locking myself down to one woman, and spending a ton of time and money on here, when there are plenty of women who are cool with keeping things casual?

It used to be like 100+ years ago that if you wanted to get laid as a dude, you essentially had to get married (or pay a prostitute). That’s just not the case anymore. If women unanimously decided to not engage in hookup culture, it would die overnight. However, there are a lot of women who are active and willing participants.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2024-10-21T21:47:00+00:00

I’m not sure if I follow your question. The reason men are so focused on the physical is as you said: biologically they’re wired to. Not complicated to understand

But you also seem to be equating that with short vs long term dating. The “TON of guys” that you mention only wanting physical [sexual] FWB sort of relationship is most likely re-worded as “most of the guys I’m interested in won’t commit to me”. That’s a different answer, but my best guess would be a combination of you are attracted to emotionally unavailable men and that men with options are by default attractive and they are simply enjoying their options rather than restricting themselves. Hope that helps!

TopShelfSnipes · 2024-10-21T21:47:33+00:00

The short answer is this, as a general rule: Because we men don't want to commit to an unknown.

If you have sex with him, cook for him, are legitimately fun to be around, and are up to go on adventures with him, he'll see you as more than a situationship.

However, if you haven't slept with him and you're trying to get him to "take it slow" and commit to a long-term relationship, emotional vulnerability when he can't possibly know you're trustworthy, and trying to get him to talk about deep-seated life goals like children and homeownership, he's not going to want to do that with someone he's very early on in the dating stages with, let alone the talking stages with.

There is an assumption of longevity if he commits to wanting an LTR up front, whether or right or wrong. Also, many women are scared of male commitment, because some guys can be very bad at accepting a rejection, so he may be risk averse to admitting LTR willingness because he doesn't want to be seen as clingy.

Various combinations of the above can be true at the same time, but truthfully it only takes one for a man to be unwilling to commit up front.

weenieandthebutt · 2024-10-21T21:59:41+00:00

1) Because the physical aspect is a true indicator of how much she desires you.

2) You get all the sexual perks without the drawbacks/responsibilities/risks that come with relationships.

3) So many women are ran through in this day and age so as a man, you feel like you want the slice of the pie rather than be the chump who she's settling for (not saying it's always the case but usually you're expected to jump through hoops that previous guys didn't).

Various_Heat_9067 · 2024-10-21T22:00:54+00:00

Because the men who DO want a relationship and would likely make great relationship partners are socially invisible to most women.

The real question to ask is: Why do the guys I feel entitled to, but are likely out of my league, only want sex and won’t commit?

MikeArrow · 2024-10-21T23:29:29+00:00

For me, physical attraction comes first, after which the emotional connection can grow. When you don't really know anything about someone except that they're attractive and you're attracted to them, then yeah - naturally you're only going to want to really engage with them on that basis first. Once that part is out of the way, then you can really sit and assess if you want more than sex with that person or not.

Hot_Lack_4868 · 2024-10-22T13:56:22+00:00

Because the way some women act it seems if you are her fwb or situationship she sees you you more desirable and willing to do more things than if you are her bf and worse husband

NockerJoe · 2024-10-22T05:00:22+00:00

The amount of women who actually offer emotional support or romance to men is vanishingly small. Physical things are the only things that can be done or brought up without it not just being an issue, but several issues at the same time.

just_another_fuckboi · 2024-10-21T22:28:33+00:00

I’m a guy like this.

Why would I commit to a woman when all my needs are met except sex.

It’s not like she’ll be a virgin. I don’t want kids. What is my upside of commitment?

Everything I need I have except sex. So that’s what I look for.

And now sex is so easy to find I have even less reason to have a gf.

Then once I’m tired of sex with one person I can go find another.

And men who can get laid, have such an abundance of options. Why would they even think to settle?

If you find a man attractive, so do other women.

Reasonable_Corner624 · 2024-10-22T00:26:21+00:00

a penis is genuinely an all-powerful mind control weapon which can overwhelm the senses of the majority of men (more unlikely)

In my opinion, as a 24yo man, you grossly underestimate the sex drive of a <30yo male. It's age dependant i guess and more specifically T-level dependant, basically more testosterone = more horny, though i don't blame you for not understanding this as a woman, you will never experience that level of sex drive in your life, unless say, you take TRT for transitioning or something.

SwaySh0t · 2024-10-21T23:08:59+00:00

From an investment point a man’s commitment to a women is more valuable than the sex she would provide to him. Which is why men standards are far higher for a relationship than it is for her sex. If a man is going to put his wallet and life on the line then she needs bring value in other ways to make that man’s commitment worth it for him. Regular markets forces at work.

Warm_Gur8832 · 2024-10-22T03:44:19+00:00

I think the mental and emotional things that men are drawn to are just different - “I want to fall asleep next to you while you watch your favorite show” is not the “I want a man that moves heaven and earth to save me” kind of story.

There’s not much representation of the kind of mental and emotional connections that do appeal to them and so a lot of men aren’t even really aware that they have them or are and just don’t think it’s a thing that they can get.

Most men just want emotional and mental connection in a peace and quiet sort of way and it’s actually quite hard to articulate that because those two things seem like opposites.

Hosj_Karp · 2024-10-21T23:32:20+00:00

This is a statement about the men you choose to spend time with. Not men as a whole.

Proudvow · 2024-10-22T01:34:03+00:00

Well there's an issue that even among the men who initially wanted mental/emotional based intimacy, either of two things oftens happen:

the dude is a stereotypical nice guy and not desirable to women, can't find any relationships ever, while the types of women who befriend him are seemingly always messing around with bad boys.
the dude is an extremely strait-laced type, and even though he wants a serious relationship he's very strict about with who; he doesn't want one with women who've been in the hookup/casual sex/fling scene before at all ever, while women who've "had fun" at some point are becoming increasingly common.

So these guys, feeling worn down by the lack satisfactory options for what they orignally wanted, start following the crowd looking for physical stuff instead. An if you can't stop them, join them type of situation.

modidlee · 2024-10-22T03:18:10+00:00

Men have been saying marriage and relationships benefit women more and it would be in women’s best interest to secure a man that actually wants her instead of playing the field. But women said “no, I want the freedom to have flings until I’m ready to settle down.” So men said “ok you want to have sex without commitment or us having to do any of the emotional or physical labor of being in a marriage/relationship? Cool.” Women have made sex so cheap that men feel getting into a relationship just to sleep with the same woman is essentially overpaying. You say one reason is the penis some mind control tool that’s forcing men to be this way. But what’s actually happening is the opposite. Men used to be so desperate for sex they’d get into relationships just to have regular sex. But since women have made sex so free and available men are realizing there’s no need for that anymore. Women are willing to have sex and even children without any type of commitment because they thought being locked down to one man was a miserable life that didn’t benefit them. But the reality is that life actually benefited women far more than it ever benefited men.

TLDR: women have made sex so readily available that men don’t feel the need to do what they used to have to do in the past to get sex: be committed to a woman.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2024-10-21T23:38:32+00:00

There's a lot to unpack here, most of which I've found women, especially on reddit, have difficulty accepting. Hopefully it's helpful.

Testosterone. See the experience of transmen
Young men often delay relationships until they feel they're an economically viable partner. This is really due to womens' hypergamy that men have internalized generationally.
Studies have shown that 94% of women consider themselves more attractive than an average woman and of course there's the infamous OKCupid study that showed women found 80% of men below average in terms of physical attractiveness. So there's evidence to suggest that women aren't able to identify their male peers from a physical attractiveness perspective.
Related to the last point, I can tell you that I've had a lot of women try to fuck their way into a relationship. Tinder and Hinge here in NYC were amazing while I was in that phase of my life. There are a lot of guys like me that are more than happy to let women try. Hell, it's worked a couple of times. In complete bewilderment, I figured out that I probably won't find Mrs. Right this way - so I stopped. A lot of guys won't.
A lot of younger men are avoiding marriage *and indirectly relationships) due to their perceived risks associated with divorce.

As for myself, I can tell you that I have insanely high standards for what I will accept from a woman in a relationship. If I see anything that violates those standards, a relationship isn't on the table.

Cunnin_Linguists · 2024-10-21T22:39:09+00:00

There just isn't incentive to commit. Women are giving sex without requiring commitment. Sometimes without even courting first. It's not about being led by their dicks.

Women have been "buying high and selling low" more today than at any point in history and I think a lot of men are rightfully disenfranchised.

catdog8020 · 2024-10-21T22:00:26+00:00

I think the title should be: Why does Chad seem to almost exclusively focus on physical things? Ain’t no average man able to say that to a woman he’s too desperate he want a real relationship

Solondthewookiee · 2024-10-21T22:55:54+00:00

When I was looking for a FWB, it's because I was busy with things in my life or was otherwise not in a position to pursue a committed relationship.

As for why men are more likely to try and pursue casual relationships compared to women, it's a complicated, multifaceted question, but the biggest single reason is that sex is low risk, high reward for men.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2024-10-21T23:10:13+00:00

I'm an introvert by nature. I don't dislike people and I'm not antisocial, but I have a need for a wide breadth of personal time and space, and I get cranky without it. LTR's can feel suffocating that way, because women seem to take this desire for some degree of independence as a personal affront, even though it isn't like that, and I'm fine with a partner who takes similar latitudes. I'm not looking for some sort of harem, either, I'd rather deal with one person at a time, even if its serially, and if I genuinely like you, I stay loyal. Also, relationships entail a degree of sacrifice, compromise, obligations, and additional responsibilities. I have enough of those things as is, why pile on someone else's, even if only partially? I've been married once, I don't have or want kids and I'm in my 40's. But sex? Sex is fun. Having something more casual like a FWB where you get to maintain your own separate self-contained lives sounds a hell of a lot better. ONS? Again, no additional obligations or expectations.

Sholnufff · 2024-10-21T23:51:23+00:00

Because for men, physical things (particular bedroom activities) is our validation and also a great stress reducer and getting your testicles drained is amazing.

Largely when women are having sex with a guy, we generally think they are into us (although there are some exceptions).

Dull-Laugh-4037 · 2024-10-22T01:05:18+00:00

The truth is that Scenario A is very close to how heterosexual men really feel.

Men have an overwheling inward desire to have sex. This is who we naturally are. Sex is the number 1 motivator in young men's lives. We are highly sensitive to visual stimulation. And orgasm is like a ever growing pent up stress reliever that must be exercised every so often. It is what it is.

Guys desire sex separate from romantic intimacy. When we say we want sex, that is all we mean. Nothing more, nothing less. We just want to be visually and physically stimulated. Not emotiomally or mentally stimulated. Men will lower their standards with whom they are willing to have sex with, and not tell anyone they did out of embarassment. Why? Becuase they just wanted sex and were willing to take whatever they could get.

That doesn't mean we don't desire to be emotionally and emotionally stimulated as well. But in comparison, for our desire to be sexually stimulated, it doesn't come close. Especially with guys who are more concerned with the short term than long term.

As a man, I wish women would acknowledge and accept how men really are. Instead they want to make it out as some men are perverts. Some men are pigs. Truth is. Most all heterosexual men feel the exact same way. All of us are perverts to some degree. Just some hide it better.

Maybe if women actually realized this is how men biologically are maybe they would appreciate the few who intentionally try to discipline themselves and train their eyes to respect women. It doesn't come naturally, I can assure you that! Instead such men like these are overlooked because they are viewed as "boring" etc, when in reality they were just trying to respect women.

his_purple_majesty · 2024-10-22T01:58:40+00:00

because youre bad at seeing patterns. because your confirmation bias

TheNattyJew · 2024-10-21T22:17:39+00:00

Duh. Men are compelled towards sex. Go into some of the FtM trans pages where they talk about the unrelenting sex drive associated with male levels of testosterone for more clarity on this issue. Women have no idea what it feels like to be a man until they live as one. Then a lightbulb goes off in their heads and they begin to understand what it feels like to have their body's pushing them to get sex 24/7

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-10-21T22:12:27+00:00

Feminism! It’s basically created a generation of undateable modern women with delusional expectations, high body counts, low morality and high levels of narcissism!

What guy in his right mind would want to commit to that? Easier to just keep it physical/casual. Men generally want traditional, submissive, feminine women that complement their lives while they can be a good man that’s respected to their girlfriends/wives. These traditional women are increasingly hard to find, hence we ends up with physical/casual for the modern feminists.

Tywinlol2 · 2024-10-21T22:42:55+00:00

Because women have very little to offer outside of sex to men in modern society, while relationships with them, especially when committed and even worse legalized, are also incredibly expensive to men. Thus it makes sense for men to only keep things casual.

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ta06012022 · 2024-10-22T03:09:37+00:00

Men and women focus mostly on physical things. Nothing wrong with that. It's just reality.

Puzzleheaded_Till829 · 2024-10-22T09:36:55+00:00

I'm in my mid 30s and have only met 4 women in my life I wanted a relationship with; women worth comitting to are rare.

meisterkraus · 2024-10-22T13:13:54+00:00

Your whole point hinges on a mix of survivor bias and apex fallacy. So first of all you are looking at the behavior of top men of the dating market that are still dating. This ignores the men lower in value to the dating market that want more of an emotional connection that can't get any dates at all. This is the apex fallacy. For the survivor bias the top men that want emotional connection are in relationships, so they are not in the pool of men you are looking at.

philseven12 · 2024-10-21T23:12:56+00:00

If she not fucking it's a waste of my time.

women offer the talking and bonding shit on the front end because it's minimal investment on their part. when dudes play into that side of the game women start seeing you as a homegirl instead of a option

conversation with women means nothing if they ain't fucking

purplish_possum · 2024-10-21T22:30:30+00:00

Sadly, if all a woman has to offer is physical then that's all guys will be interested in her for.

Guys would love to focus on more but with most women there just isn't anything else.

Of course most guys are pretty basic too.

0kayz00mer · 2024-10-21T23:39:47+00:00

You don’t worry about getting toilet paper until a pandemic hits and there’s a shortage. Men focus on physical attractiveness because from their perspective there’s a shortage. If men get plenty of attention from attractive women they would start focusing on and caring about other non-physical things.

If you grew up spending pandemic after pandemic running out of toilet paper you might just always horde it. The fixation becomes permanent. Some men might just spend so long growing up having such a hard time getting attention from attention women that the fixation gains permanence.

nightcall379 · 2024-10-21T22:06:50+00:00

Sure, some women look for that same sort of thing too, but not nearly as much and not as abrasively.

Yeah, FWB is only reserved for the microscopic group of top percentage men

But the majority of men are shallow for wanting casual sex, or women in their prime

The majority of men need to be nice little doormat oofydoofy simps, and betabuxxers in order to get access to women, or get vilified if they don't

ObfuscatedSecret42 · 2024-10-21T22:27:06+00:00

The answer is harsh but simple. Most women are simply uninteresting and there is very little value in connecting with them.

just_another_fuckboi · 2024-10-21T22:33:50+00:00

All men want relationships if you’re hot enough

Lower your standards

MalandiBastos · 2024-10-22T10:04:18+00:00

Because it's not worth the investment in most women without having sex.

Only after I've been fucking a woman with no commitment for a while would I even consider committing to her. Putting in all that effort for no reward, while there's a good chance she has fucked other dudes on the first meet before, or is currently fucking other dudes is a NO from me.

Fuck or get out of my face. Without sex 99% of women aren't worth dealing with. Women flake or fall off all the time, so I'm keeping my options open until it's a sure thing.

FuuraKafu · 2024-10-22T09:23:04+00:00

I strongly belive it's largely innate, because I had a childhood sexual experience way before puberty (with a girl who was just a few years older than me) and it was mind-blowingly good. I literally had no idea sex was even a thing so being socialized to enjoy it doesn't make any sense to me. And how thay experience felt is perfectly in-line with how I see other men.

a penis is genuinely an all-powerful mind control weapon which can overwhelm the senses of the majority of men

It may sound dramatic, but yes, that's about it imo. If you look at femdom, 99.9% of the time its also portrayed this way, it's basically centered around "alluring power" because that's what resonates with submissive men, that's what they feel weak to.

One time I saw a post where a hot guy cosplayed as a video game character (Sett from lol) and a woman commented something like "oh wow, so is this how men generally feel arpund women?" And of course everyone was saying yes. Women sometimes talk about these once in a decade experiences of coming across someone outstandingly hot, meanwhile that's legit like every third woman in my age group. Men do vary, but yea.

What I will say though is that this is "only" as true as it is. The world can function as much as it does at the very least, so you don't have to think this is some dooming revelation. Men obviously are capable of self-control amd we can coexist, but yea. Imo as a woman you will never truly get it.

WhiteLotusGauntlet · 2024-10-21T22:06:10+00:00

It's not most men, it's just most dates.

Most men are looking for a long term partner, but want someone they view as an actual match to partner with. The few who are looking for just casual sex are the ones most willing to date someone less attractive in order to get that easy sex, so those men become the most attractive option for women.

It's not even necessarily the most attractive men doing this, a bunch of them also want long term partners, they just don't stay on the dating market very long.

The reality of modern dating is men dating down, and that means most of them are withdrawing from dating while a few just use the lack of other men approaching to run through a bunch of casual relationships.

To get a good male perspective, think about the recent story of the shortest first date ever from the guy's perspective.

It wasn't a catfish, her profile clearly showed how she looked. It wasn't some low investment thing on his part, they texted and called for weeks before meeting. It wasn't a guy just looking for easy sex, otherwise why end the date right as it started?

This was likely a guy who isn't fat himself trying to negotiate his own attraction because he has no other options. He was a guy who wanted to change himself into the person this woman wants to date, but he just couldn't.

CalligrapherSimple39 · 2024-10-21T22:31:56+00:00

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SeaworthinessSea2407 · 2024-10-22T00:05:31+00:00

Because there are alot of horny men. And alot of horny women, and commitment is scary if you're not ready for it. Also keep in mind there are lots of people for whom physical connection (not just referring to sex but that too) is an essential component in building the emotional safety required for a long term relationship. My girlfriend and I are both like this. We personally did not and could not wait to define us as boyfriend and girlfriend to get physical. If you're not the same way, you're entitled to set whatever boundaries you feel fit best, but understand that boundaries and standards shrink your potential dating pool and you're seeing that now, by continuing to weed out people you're not compatible with. That's just dating. An LTR is a very high bar to get to, as it should be

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-10-22T00:35:11+00:00

Me personally, I do feel love and a desire for a long term relationship. But that completely goes out the window if I know that the girl I am interested in was less sexually restrained with her previous partners than with me. For example my current gf had sex with her first bf within just 1 month of meeting him, and she would meet up with him for sex only in a hotel around once a month. He never even took her out on a single date. When I found out about this, any kind of romantic feelings I had for her went out the window. I am only with her because she likes to have sex with me. The guy even gave her an incurable STD. (I don’t do PIV with her for this reason). Anyway I’ll probably dump her after a few months.

From my experience, most women are inclined to either lie about this thing or just omit things about their past altogether.

Theres also the fact that many women who are in happy marriages wanted to cheat on their husbands with me. The only common factor being that their husband was physically unattractive (like 3/10 or below). All of these women had children too.

giveuporfindaway · 2024-10-22T02:03:47+00:00

Men on average have 10x - 20x more testosterone than women. This is the one, single and only answer - full stop.

caption291 · 2024-10-22T02:26:24+00:00

There has to be give and take on both sides for the mental connection part to be mutually beneficial and most women just take a lot more than they give in that regard.

It's very telling to me that neither of your theories even considered the possibility that men's lack of interest was justified by women not being as interesting to have a mental connection with as they think.

modidlee · 2024-10-22T03:22:58+00:00

If you feel some guys are attacking you it’s because men know that the most attractive guys with the most options are going to be more likely to be anti relationship, while the less attractive guys with less options will be more likely to want commitment. So if you say all the guys you come across are anti relationship it must mean you’re strictly focused on the most attractive guys and not the guys who would actually want more than just a sexual relationship.

Tough-Difference3171 · 2024-10-22T03:32:43+00:00

Definitely, more men than women, are looking for "sex-only" relationships.

Or one can say less women are doing it.

I think more women would have been doing the same, if they were getting enough orgasms. With how things mostly are, women don't have enough ROI.

Also, there's societal conditioning for women to not consider sex as something they too need, but as something they are supposed to use to reward a man doing other things for them.

The problem is not more men wanting only sex, the real problem is that a lot of those men hide those intentions, and pretend to be in love, which is pure manipulation.

A female friend of mine once told me that she intentionally goes for the sex early in any relationship, because till a man hasn't gotten it, he presents his best self. And if he was only looking for sex, he would start vanishing after that. She is divorced, and regrets marrying her ex, who turned out to be really abusive and exploitative. Now this is her filter mechanism.

Whenever she sees a guy saying the things she wants to hear, she goes ahead for the sex parts a little early (in her words, "I don't have to do much. I just respond to giy's advances")

And she says that she saw an almost immediate change after the first 2-3 times. Except for his current boyfriend. (They really seem like a good fit, and I hope she gets the happiness she deserves)

Reno0vacio · 2024-10-22T03:43:53+00:00

Because of evoltution... because we used to decide who was a "successful" woman in terms of childbirth and who was not.

It used to matter how intact you were, how big your waist was, and whether you were young.

And surprise or no surprise, even though our technology has improved, our mammalian brains haven't.

Hi-Road · 2024-10-22T04:13:27+00:00

This is not everyone*

One thing I hear a lot from men is that many women feel like they basically do not need to bring any effort to a relationship. So if you’re independent, and have all of your needs met, a relationship feels like more of a job than a privilege.

balhaegu · 2024-10-22T04:16:36+00:00

The guys have heard many stories of opening themselves up and emotionally trying to bond to their girlfeind and immediately get cheated on or dumped.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2024-10-22T04:35:24+00:00

You see this because your standards are too high. You only see the top 10% of men that are like this. In reality most men want an emotional connection and commitment.

Jello_Vivid · 2024-10-22T04:59:04+00:00

I think it's complicated and dependent on the stage of life the man is currently passing. For instance, most young men under 25 want to have fun and play the field because they want to have experience and a time in life for trial and error the same could actually be said for women as well.

As men get older past 25 usually they start focusing on career and stability so will tend to look for long-term partners. This has been the trend for decades

This is where things are changing in my opinion due to financial constraints as well a problem plaguing most western countries, the housing crisis and being able to save for a future that's likely now going to happen mid to late 30s due to the cost of living crisis. This is combined with social media standards of what men are expected to bring to the table in dating and marriage. You are getting some men delaying marriage till they are older and much more financially secure or completely checking out of long term dating as they view this a raw deal that's likely why the passport bro movement is taking off and just play the field.

Ludens0 · 2024-10-22T06:20:55+00:00

People continue getting married and having kids.

Your perception is biased for some reason.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-10-22T06:51:43+00:00

A lot of women are just too boring, exactly the same and have nothing except their bodies to offer. On top of that relationships start from sex, so you shouldn't expect man to try to get to know you before that. It's just a way to protect yourself from pain caused by rejection, because men are rejected most of the times.

obviousredflag · 2024-10-22T07:43:30+00:00

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-10-22T07:55:11+00:00

What you talk about is completly true. Men tend to be really phyisical. But what you see in the dating market are the result of filtered men who are players

A woman's filter is stronger than a man's filter. So generally only the highly attractive men. This create a disparity, meaning that if a woman is interested by a man, she is not the only one and will compete with his other options

From that com to type of man: the ones who are long term oriented and the "players". The first category don't stay that long in the dating market since they will find a good enough luck woman and go their way. The second type monopolise the majority of women in the dating market and found strategies to exploit their resources: hook ups or friends with benefit. No commitment with a high access to sex with multiple partners

You can try instead warm approach and join club activities

Nihi1986 · 2024-10-22T09:39:53+00:00

In my case I NEED the physical attraction to have, in person, the chemistry and emotional interest, otherwise it would be just a friend.

As for the preference for FWB/hook ups...not in my case, I prefer a girlfriend who is there to support me emotionally too and who values me in general. (And gets the same from me, obviously).

Lots of men prefer this (LTR), but those men often can't get into a fulfilling relationship...and this is the part when I talk poorly about women...if you reject the not so attractive/succesful and act like an entitled awful partner with the decently attractive men, don't complain relationships are becoming more rare and difficult.

Also, regarding the other type of men who are sex focused and don't really want relationships, they had different interests and were fed different ideas, so they don't see women as something they need beyond the sex and reproduction (if they even decide to reproduce). The moment you don't want anything else from women is when you realize you actually don't have much interest on the majority of them and would even actively avoid a large amount of them. In defense of those men, I'm sure they would love to date a good enough and compatible partner if they found one.

ExcelsiorState718 · 2024-10-22T10:23:58+00:00

I refuse to believe that something between every man’s legs can dictate his every action in life

Well if you refuse to believe facts and science this is pointless discussion

a penis is genuinely an all-powerful mind control weapon which can overwhelm the senses of the majority of men

Not a penis but certainly testosterone and yes it's powerful and dictates everything we do.

Men are biologically driven to mate with as man women as possible it's how our species survived annihilation it's how we went from 10,000 to 8 billion,we out bred we out competed,then we hunted everything that stood a chance against us to extinction.

Man's insatiable appetite for sex bright humanity back from the brink of extinction time and time from great geological disaster to plagues the ravaged every civilization.

These days as man's sex drives diminishes and female nature is allowed to run wild we see declining birth rates,many countries birth rates are below replacement levels,if there was some major disaster they risk extinction.

Men and women are fundamentally diffrent because we have a diffrent purpose,nature cares about spreading and nurturing life or atleast giving it a fightin chance your feelings aren't really important in the grand scheme.

Immediate_Wasabi_920 · 2024-10-22T10:52:12+00:00

Why do women solely focus on the things that are impossible for men to to change and actively use it against them?

OscarTheHusky · 2024-10-22T13:02:04+00:00

I find that a TON of guys these days are only looking for a physical FWB sort of relationship. Like, it’s become an epidemic. And as a woman I guess I don’t quite understand?

It's called men's loneliness epidemic, if you haven't realized yet young men are lonely and desperate to have physical affection, we deeply lack of it unlike women, (I think most average men can relate to that statement) they want to find a women who truly loves them for what they are and hookups are a quick solution for that because it fills you with what you need for a bit (you feel desired) but then you eventually you feel lonely again.

Sure, some women look for that same sort of thing too, but not nearly as much and not as abrasively. I just don’t get why guys seem so uninterested in the mental/emotional aspect of a connection, it almost seems boring to them. As if it’s not even a thing they acknowledge.

We are interested in having deeply emotional relationships but If women were known for giving men more chances you wouldn't ask the question to begin with and you would see way less hookups and FWB's types of relationships. But when was the last time you saw a women approach a men ?

and yet we seem to prefer emotional/mental connections (the majority anyway).

This is completely false. Women can be very horny just as much as men, only difference is they actually get what they want unlike the average men, (which is why men want a FWB partner) it makes sense if you have less sexual opportunities you'll want more sex wouldn't you and vice-versa ?

Altruistic_Ad_0 · 2024-10-22T13:44:30+00:00

Romance is bodies seeking bodies. Physical attractiveness is always going to be a big factor. The truth is that men are interested in the mental emotional side of connection. However they are going to want to give it and get it from women who are physically attractive to them personally. Unfortunately many men are put into the giver role too often, and put out emotional and mental support more often than they give. But I suspect this can change somewhat in the future on average. Given how there is an existing imbalance, men and women seek to gain unequal things to rebalance their relationship and make it fair. We cannot expect to b perfectly equal to one another. But we can always come up with our own deal breakers which we personally are attached to. For many men who may find themselves providing and performing various things for women, they may only want to do this for women who they find attractive enough as just one example.

ExcelsiorState718 · 2024-10-22T13:47:05+00:00

I want to add this for copulation men have to be aroused to be aroused they have to be attracted physical attributes ate the only thing that lead to sexual attraction for men. Being nice to man won't make him physically attracted,having a deep emotional connection to a man won't get him aroused.

I can speak from my own personal experience sex which is the primary goal of a relationship or dealing with the opposite sex in the first place is next to impossible with a woman a man doesn't find attractive I've had opportunities with fat or old women and I couldn't perform same for generally unnatractive women,even things like stretch marks, saggy breast and c section scars turn me 9ff completely.

Why men are driven to seek out the most attractive mates is a mystery but I suppose it has something to do with better looking people tend to have better genes unnatractive people have have some bad traits that ancient primitive man subcontiously was trying to weed out.

It's possible that since attractive people are treated better having attractive off spring is a survival tactic abd ugly ch8ld won't be protected the way and attractive child is. For example let's say a child looses it's parents the village may rally behind it others may adopt it but that child has better odds if it's good looking.

Why men focus less on emotional connections and more on just the physical it's a simple cost analysis the phydical is low cost high reward emotional is high cost low reward

gopher_glitz · 2024-10-22T18:50:08+00:00

Men who women like have no incentive to stick to one.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2024-10-22T19:11:00+00:00

"I refuse to believe that something between every man’s legs can dictate his every action in life, even in the romantic aspects."

That's your choice to refuse to believe this. Most (not all men) primary focuses is centered around this. There's more to life, absolutely, but doesn't take away from being the "main" drive.

As for emotinal support, it's not something that most men look for on a regular anyway. We deal with our shit, vent to a handful of people if needed, and keep it to a minimum.

If I'm looking for a FWB, we're having superficial interactions, and sex. An emotional connection is the last thing I want.

LowCreddit · 2024-10-22T20:58:17+00:00

a penis is genuinely an all-powerful mind control weapon which can overwhelm the senses of the majority of men

It's a funny joke because it is true. Men only put up with the vast majority of women because they want sex so much.

societal influences throughout history on the genders

Biology informs culture, which informs laws, which informs biology. The loop is closed. Each is a couple decades separated from the others, but they are never too far out of sync. You cannot point to a television program and blame it for everything. It is at least as much effect as cause.

Why do men seem to almost exclusively focus on physical things?

The truth is that only a tiny amount of women have good personalities. Most are flaky, borderline mentally ill messes. In our current culture, we call upon women to distinguish themselves by the bodies and careers instead of through virtue. We do not punish immoral women who tear apart their communities and instead reward them. The bar is on the floor.

With this in mind, how should men distinguish women then? Their careers? We don't care. We do care about socioeconomic background, but that has little to do with a job title. Chores and housework and other ways to make our lives easier? Men love this but women now see it as a personal insult. Money? Most women simply do not bring enough income to the table to offset their costs.

The only thing left is sex, so that's all there is. Women have chosen to throw away all the things that make them attractive to men outside of being walking sex dolls. I don't blame them all that much. Their mothers and society have failed them just as it has failed men.

The good news is that the core message of TRP works for women too.

Most people out there suck so it is very easy to get to the top.

The few women who focus on things like homemaking, mental health, communication, and other relationship skills kill it. They get much better choices and lives compared to the average woman who barely learns to cook spaghetti at 31 and whose main hobbies are traveling and The Office.

SadCahita · 2024-10-22T21:41:26+00:00

Because sex is good, why would I want an actual relationship with most women?

LostWanderer88 · 2024-10-22T22:13:12+00:00

I barely have experience, and I need more. Simple as that

Also I would want to have children, and I don't have that many years ahead, so the other option is open if I trust her

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-10-22T22:59:12+00:00

Just think about the usual progression of a relationship from a man's POV.

Starts off hot and heavy without much more requirement than just showing up and being interested. Slowly transforms into more demands and requirements and less sex and desire.

If you want the good parts you just keep it all short term.

Women are wired to do this to tempt and lock a man in. The more commitment she gets the less she has desire for him and it goes from show up and get sucked and fucked all night with enthusiasm to " I'm not in the mood" while simultaneously expecting this that or the other. I mean, who gets the sexy panties etc.? The new guy or the one who's put in all the work and committed?

Like women often complain of the pump and dump " he got what he wanted and lost interest" there is a similar effect the other way around. Once you give her what she "wants" ( commitment of some kind) she loses interest.

In a man's shoes what incentive is there then to commit and do all the work to be relegated to less interest and less reward? Why not just enjoy the fruits of the attempted trap and escape it?

Id love a good LTR if my increased efforts were matched. They usually won't be. The woman who is far more likely to wake me up with a bj just because she was thinking about everything I've put into the relationship 5 yrs in would win me. That's almost never the case. Most are far more likely to do that early on because they're excited about the possibilities and/or trying to impress.

Tldr: reward loyalty over novelty and men would be obsessed with getting LTRs.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-10-22T23:52:18+00:00

(I’ve been single for 2 years and not on any dates for 6 months lol, not looking to get hurt and all that crap).

So "asking for a friend"? 😃

Do you want an honest answer or a palatable answer?

However, some people have been moreso attacking me instead of just having a spirited debat

Palatable answer it is.

TON of guys these days are only looking for a physical FWB sort of relationship

This "TON of guys", are the top guys. Top guys are looking for top quality wife material and are in a position to FWB physically attractive non-wifey women as side chicks, etc. And they do.

The honest answer is this: any woman complaining about getting constantly FWB'ed is simply not wife material. The proof is in the pudding.

Intelligent-Insight · 2024-10-23T03:00:49+00:00

The cat is out of the bag. Men already know that 1) There are other men who can get laid without commitment, get hookups on apps, etc.; 2) The previous wouldn't be possible without women on the other side; 3) Many women, probably most, had casual experiences; 4) The woman they will probably be expected to marry is not unlikely to have those experiences.

So no, of course now men would prioritize sex over relationship. How insulting would it be to be expected to be happy with not having experiences others had. Imagine finding out your colleague is making more than you. It's that type of emotion + the feeling of being rejected but amplified. We also know that when women are attracted to men, they don't require commitment. So the best bet to have a hope that a woman is attracted is to see if she will be casual first. Of course, if she was never casual and didn't have many previous partners, that test is less significant. They also initiate and forgive a lot of stuff, but if we wait till they initiate, that will take forever. So it's more realistic to focus on the casual thing + quality and quantity of sex.

The_Forgotten001 · 2024-10-23T06:19:26+00:00

Well here is one mans opinion and observation over the years as a psych major. TLDR at bottom

depends on the age of the man 16-25 unless they know they want a family and unless the are already bored with sex, relationships are work for a man with little means in this bracket. Most guys are building their confidence to approach a girl and don't know how to be hot enough for a hook-up. In this scenario these guys are likely to form a relationship if for nothing else out of ease of access of sex if they manage to attract someone.

You can tell if that's the case if you're the perpetual girlfriend, what that means is that there is something about you that is preventing the man from thinking it makes sense to marry you. (could be because he realized he's doing all the emotional labor, he's doing 100% of the lifting in the relationship, he doesn't see the value in marriage with you, the only value you provide for him is sex, etc)

In that age range women aren't really offering much for a relationship, they most likely won't cook. They won't do his laundry, since she's only a GF, she's not cleaning for him and less likely in sharing his hobbies. Meanwhile he's going to her concerts, paying for the dates, buying her gifts and pretty much being a farce of a provider Once he meets a gold-digger(and it's inevitable at this stage) he will wake up.

25-Infinity At this age they are looking for a women that they can form a family with if they are family minded. If not then they're are just looking for a FWB, most guys at this point have some sexual success but also have friends that they indulge in their hobbies with. If they have a mixed friend group(rare) then they may have FWB in the group. Again FWB provides sex with none of the costs and all of the friendship benefits.

TLDR: An emotional connection is something a guy likes and would want but, the communication styles between men and women makes it very hard. There needs to be an incentive beyond sex that would make the man want to have a connection with you. At the start of dating women are quick to judge and it feels pointless to attempt to know 100 women only for 4 to respond back to you. eventually you find that women only want to get to know you once they find you attractive enough to sleep with. So the best litmus test is to push for sex early and often if she likes you it'll happen and then it's worth seeing if there is a connection, if she delays then you know she see's you as "husband material" which is a loss.

I

OuroborosMadness · 2024-10-23T06:56:19+00:00

I guess biologically wired in this way or there is only thing women give or can give.

abaxeron · 2024-10-22T00:36:37+00:00

I just don’t get why guys seem so uninterested in the mental/emotional aspect of a connection

Well this very much answers your question. Brain is very much a physical object, to the point that some of its functions (such as memorizing and calculating) have been successfully recreated using silicon crystals, and in some sense the results are superior to the inspiration. Arousal is very much an emotion, and it is so physical that there are drugs and physical procedures on the brain that can recreate it. If you mean "why are men so fixated on things directly or tangentially related to sex", there are two factors at play. First, there are tangible differences between men's and women's interests, which make their overlap quite small. Second, even if there is an overlap, women are interested mostly in dating men superior to themselves, making them.... dare I say, often quite boring conversationists. Exceptionally talented and successful women are often either single, or in lesbian relationships. Exceptions confirm the rule.

Would we men like things to be different? - Maybe; many of us would also like the Moon to be purple, but at a certain point we stop bothering with things out of our control.

EsotericRonin · 2024-10-22T04:22:28+00:00

Contrary to what you've read, most men still want committed relationships. For the minority that don't, its because they generally only see women as value for sex. They don't see the value in a relationship because they don't think women contribute more being blowjob machines in a relationship. Their logic is, I can cook and clean for myself, and I don't particularly enjoy having any sort of platonic or emotional connection with women, so there's no point in committing to one. You'll hear most red pill guys espouse how sex is pretty much the only thing a woman brings to the table, and these men don't really care about having a family. I'm sure a good portion of these guys deep down want relationships but they've become disillusioned and jaded from bad experiences. The other portion that genuinely doesn't think connections with women are valuable I think are better suited to dating men.

90 percent of the answers you get will boil down to this; women are only useful to the extent that they provide sex, in their minds. Love isn't real and partnership is meaningless because to them women will drain more than contribute. A lot of women will engage in casual sex so why have to go through the trouble of dating one? And herein lies the issue, some men see interacting with and dating women as trials and tribulation for the prize that is sex. Its part of a growing trend where both genders see sex as transactional instead of something to be mutually enjoyed.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2024-10-21T21:38:40+00:00

First, as an overarching answer, men are predisposed to notice and place a very high importance on sexual availability. The desire to check a girl out is intense.

But to better answer your question about other reasons:

Looks are very easy to express in universal terms. “Dude, she had amazing boobs” is easily relatable and understanding among men, where as “she does this thing that’s really cute” requires much more explanation and often touches more on personal preferences, and risks being less relatable.

I’d also say that the deeper the connection between men and the smaller the group discussing, the more likely it will trend in the direction of the emotional.

ExcelsiorState718 · 2024-10-22T10:07:05+00:00

I refuse to believe that something between every man’s legs can dictate his every action in life, even in the romantic aspects. We’re all human after all, women get aroused too and yet we seem to prefer emotional/mental connections (the majority anyway).

WhaleBiologistCILISI · 2024-10-26T20:12:04+00:00

The amount of mind games, overthinking, self-doubt and double speak that can be expected during a relationship with even a well adjusted woman is a hassle. Plenty easier to just go out on dates and hopefully be charming enough to be invited to a 2nd location...then just to move on. Unless you're wanting a replacement mom, better to just remain single and date around.

silverhippo15 · 2024-10-21T22:09:25+00:00

When you're eating a steak, do you focus on the gristle and bone? Or the meat?

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-10-21T22:58:37+00:00

Men are programmed to view things as objects for tool use. It’s a result of our evolutionary history.

BillSF · 2024-10-22T02:10:08+00:00

I saw a YouTube video a few days ago that answers your question. I believe the title or thumbnail was "Why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?"

Women no longer wait for marriage to have sex. Therefore men do not have to commit to get sex. So they don't commit, nor care about the other things because they don't have to. QED.

The video poster didn't necessarily think this was good, nor good for society because he sees the value in a loving, intimate relationship, as do I. However, why would young guys focus on other things if they don't have to? If a woman won't have sex with them, they'll find one who will. Maybe some of these guys might randomly fall in love, but most of them are too immature, as are most of the women they're chasing (18 to 25 year olds on both sides).

Lower-Director1043 · 2024-10-25T23:11:40+00:00

MOST WOMEN HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER outside of their body That's why.

Title	Why do men seem to almost exclusively focus on physical things?
Author	LucidFeverDreams
Upvotes	46
Comments	405
Date	October 21, 2024 9:31 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g91fxp/why_do_men_seem_to_almost_exclusively_focus_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-men-seem-to-almost-exclusively-focus-on.1533040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533040

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