Some research or survey came out saying 45% of men aged 18-25 have never approached a women.

SadCahita · 2024-08-16T00:10:07+00:00

Plus men will be met with the typical "I don't go to bars/clubs/parties to meet men, I go there to have fun with my friends. I want to do hobbies without being seen as a potential partner, don't be gross (ugly)" response.

Different_Goat_87 · 2024-08-15T23:10:36+00:00

I bet most of those guys would tell you they either aren't attractive enough to approach or they feel like they're not allowed to approach. Possibly both. Regardless, it's interesting to see how so many young men feel disempowered these days. I wonder why they feel that way?

thedarkracer · 2024-08-16T05:10:58+00:00

I like it when one group ridicules other for not doing things which the former almost never does. Keep unlocking new levels of hypocrisy.

Ultramega39 · 2024-08-16T01:17:35+00:00

I find it funny how not one of these comments here has mentioned the COVID lockdown.

Not to overexaggerate but the COVID lockdown was pretty much the 911 for Gen-Z because at that time most of Gen-Z was in middle or high school, you know the time when a lot of people formed their friend groups and started to attempt to date.

I was in 10th grade when the lockdown began and I pretty much barely had any contact with anyone outside of my family or Zoom class until the Spring of 2021 because that was when we were allowed to go back to school in person.

Don't you guys think that maybe being forced to stay inside for over a year has affected the people in school, especially the ones without a friend group?

Also, I do personally avoid talking to women I don't know unless we're at school or work. I get a bit of the case of "stranger danger" around women I don't know even though I've never had a stranger react rudely to me talking to them. What makes this worse is that I am frequently complimented for my style and earrings by random women. In general, I just avoid cold approaching and dating apps (I constantly hear from other men how terrible dating apps are, might as well not waste my time)

odd_cloud · 2024-08-15T23:39:05+00:00

If you made any social interaction as confusing as approaching, people would stop doing it.

Altruistic_Ad_0 · 2024-08-16T01:25:01+00:00

In my 20's and I have approached women. Every single time they turn me down. And I think I know exactly why. You have to be all show in order to ensnare a women you just found out somewhere in public. Maybe you are much handsomer than average. Maybe you have big muscles. Maybe she can tell you spend a lot of money to look the way you do. I am none of those things. And male or female we always set the bar a little higher for people who we do not know. Men and women both seek to horde the opposite sex, and it is not true that only women participate in hypergamy. But when it comes to strangers I think men are less afraid, and women more cautious of unknown men. Maybe it is because above the monsters and diseases in our history men have been a women's biggest sponsor and enemy. I blame our society in more than just a few dimensions to actually function to make us lonelier. The best thing about being a person in the modern day is your money. Our lives are driven by the need for it and the avoidance of the immature alternatives that could compete with it. It used to be the case you had to fight to be alone. Now I would say that we have to fight to be social. For better or worse, we work for money and then go home. I seldom talk to anyone on transit and only have a few people to call friend and family. And that is just one example. I believe that women are more adapted on average to a lonelier world in modern day than men. Maybe men only had the social advantage in the past because they were forced to be social. Now it is the opposed. With our pursuit of money and urbanization. We are spoiled for choice for suiters, and yet surrounded by strangers, some of which could be dangerous. I think that clarifies why a women might tutor men on where to find men, all the while on average reject them. And men, learn through experience not to approach women. Men understand they are scary. And women understand that while attracted to men, they don't know you, and it might be better to avoid meeting new people if you can preserve the safety you presently have. I would say men shouldn't listen to women and don't give women attention that they don't deserve. I would say that society is not meeting our social needs, and we can't or haven't been able to adapt collectively to our new modern reality.

Icarus367 · 2024-08-16T00:38:36+00:00

It's perfectly acceptable in most instances for a guy to approach women if he's hot. The "no approach" rule only really applies to ugly guys, whatever women may claim. The unwritten rule is that there are basically different codes of conduct for attractive and unattractive people.

Devourer_of_felines · 2024-08-16T11:44:03+00:00

Women are calling these men lazy, maladjusted, and insular.

Gosh who wouldn’t want to put themselves out there and approach such excellent and open minded women /s

Swaggyboi42069a · 2024-08-15T23:43:15+00:00

Looks like women will have to approach men more. (not going to happen)

Sillysheila · 2024-08-16T08:42:45+00:00

I don’t think they’re lazy at all.

I think what’s happening is social anxiety is on the rise, and also contexts are changing with regards to what people see as acceptable in dating or men’s role in a relationship.

Approaching and also being on the receiving end of a lot of rejection can be difficult. I think it’s a little bit reductive to say they’re “lazy”.

M3taBuster · 2024-08-16T00:17:40+00:00

Yeah, that checks out. Women are reaping what they sowed.

bzl33 · 2024-08-16T00:39:07+00:00

outside of a controlled college environment (college party or college bar), there is no point cold approaching women anyway. these guys aren't missing out on much.

Gary_Longbottom · 2024-08-16T02:13:44+00:00

I've heard the following argument from Louise Perry:

Nice men who would be good husbands no longer approach women very often or at all because they don't want to offend women or risk social ostracization.
Dangerous, predatory men have never had it easier. They don't care what women think or if they are offended so they have no problem approaching. And due to lack of competition they've never had it easier.

Perry argues that this has been one of the big negative side effects of the Me Too Movement.

Maractop · 2024-08-16T02:48:16+00:00

They told us not to and we listened. They only want certain men to approach them. If you dont fit the category they want it is offensive to them. Women say it themselves now but the old people of this sub dismiss tiktok as a source even though it comes directly from the mouths of women.

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Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2024-08-15T23:21:21+00:00

Heh. This was a prediction men of my age cohort made.

Told not to approach and then yelled at and called names for not approaching.

Stop paying attention to girls.

ApprehensiveMusic351 · 2024-08-16T06:53:23+00:00

Women view at least 80% of men as ugly or unattractive, so I guess more guys are taking a hint.

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-08-16T10:07:28+00:00

We are only starting to see the fallout of women excluding men from partnering so it’ll only get worse as time goes on.

Solanthas · 2024-08-16T07:02:07+00:00

I hate approaching women in bars because it doesn't feel natural. What is there to talk about to break the ice? "Oh, you're here to meet new people too?"

I fucking hate socializing in bars. It's so forced. And 90% of the people there are people I'm not interested in talking to anyway

Approaching in public seems so much more natural, there's so much more to observe and comment on.

I literally made a connection with a woman when my kid and hers started playing together at the pool. She's like, you and your kid are really familiar. Then we both figured out I had asked her out of sheer desperation if she knew anywhere to find snow pants for kids at the end of winter, a couple of months before.

Crazy.

VWGUYWV · 2024-08-16T00:19:16+00:00

Of course women want as many safe offers as possible to drive up their collective value.

If you ran a business, wouldn’t you want more people after your product to drive more sales and at a higher price?

Of course women are shaming them instead of having a productive conversation that leads to a solution.

SlyStocks · 2024-08-16T09:29:25+00:00

Most women are disgusted if an unattractive guy approaches them. Trust me, I know. At a certain point you just stop.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2024-08-16T08:03:39+00:00

The more it's ok to shame people for the smallest thing. The more likely people are not gonna take a set risk or chance it might happen.

Why being nicer to people should be a universally more common thing.

Would make both sides less fearful and more likely to be more open and honest about there intentions.

There just to many news stories. Tick tocks. And on social media putting people on blast for trying to show interest that it's a expected result people not wanna take set risk to be one of those put on blast people.

People gonna fail people gonna be awkward. But how would you expect people to improve or get better at it if people are so fast to put people on blast for the smallest mistake. Why it makes sense it happens less and less. When there so many people super vocal about it that's it's never acceptable to do so.

And back in the past you had people had a clear ring. Or had a type of bracelet or hair pin in there hair showing everyone if there taken or in a relationship or married. So was there clear clear signs when a women use to be single and looking. But all those got watered down. So what does a men have to go by really?

There is zero cultural meaning beside marriage ring. What I'd also not universal put on the hand cause know a bunch that wares set rings around their neck as a necklace instead. There is no way to see who would hate it when is single who would not mind it.

So everyone is a land mine. That's what people forget. If you push a narrative true every media and the loud scream say that's its all unacceptable to do it. Is it not normal people are less likely to do it?

Think it's a very easy concept to understand why the things are like they are.

And yes let's go to the bars and clubs and find the "quality women" ow definitely. That dont realy hold the values men are looking for. Most men don't look or want meanless hook ups. Men want companionship. And lasting relationships

It's like saying I want a good fancy meal.. ow you know you should go to McDonald's..

People are so out of touch what people realy want or need or value its kinda of crazy honestly.

A party girl is not a girl men would value. It's the same value a women would put a men with a gamble addiction.

Both sides don't want people that are a slave to their impulses. It's a very very weak foundation for a relationship. Why its a poor place to go if you want anything more then hook ups. What is honestly most people.

LimpJongUn · 2024-08-16T12:00:00+00:00

Hahaha excellent. The biggest shit test men as a collective failed is listening to women and what they want.

Half of them are too narcissistic to have ever introspected to understand themselves/what they want/how they contributed to their relationships and failures. The other lack conviction in their beliefs with ideals and standards flip flopping depending on their emotional state. Read 90% of womens posts here and see for yourself

Nod and do what you were gonna do anyways. Surprise boys, listening to them IS THE SHIT TEST. Lmfaooooo

ProfessorOilNGas · 2024-08-16T12:52:57+00:00

Wise losers tend to accept their station with time. But it is liberating. We are invisible. We can do anything and go anywhere and no one cares so long as we don't bother them. No responsibilities. The world is our monastery.

jay10033 · 2024-08-16T00:03:43+00:00

This is what women wanted. They said they wanted bears approaching them. Why are they all Pikachu face over these findings, calling men lazy? Lazy men gives them more opportunity for the bear.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2024-08-16T02:29:30+00:00

I'm a couple years north of that age range, but I just don't care about women complaining about being approached in public. My attitude is, if she can't handle interacting with a polite stranger then she gas no business being out in public & that's her problem to work on, not mine.

69inchshlong · 2024-08-16T05:50:17+00:00

I'd go to jail if I tried approaching. Got to be safe as a half asian man.

captaindestucto · 2024-08-16T04:54:12+00:00

Women are responding to that by saying men should go to bars, clubs, parties, and niche hobby clubs instead

Also women: "Don't approach us in bars, clubs, parties and hobby clubs either. Leave us alone to enjoy ourselves!"

Women again: "Learn to read social cues first, arsehole. OMG We shouldn't have to tell you this! Don't talk to a woman without clear signals first!"

...And since most men never receive "clear signals", a growing number aren't approaching.

Such a mystery, really, couldn't see that outcome, no Siree Bob.

astral1 · 2024-08-16T16:55:20+00:00

I think it’s more accurate to say 45% of men get -zero- signals from women that they should approach. This narrative of men having to approach is falling apart right now. Traditionalism is DEAD. Monogamy is on life support. Thanks to hypergamy and women only dating 1 out of 10 guys. The pressure of men going their own way has women finally hungry enough to ‘approach’.

95% of women know within half a minute if they would smash. Same with guys. It’s just that guys have way better sense of standards. It’s far more likely that a man will ‘date down’ and/or rate women higher than they would rate themselves. I dare say men are not as shallow on whole. Which would make sense because accountability has that effect.

Women can always use arbitrary excuses not to find someone attractive but it usually comes down to very basic shallow attributes.
This is why they seemingly all despise men because they keep ending up with the conman (confidence man).

This is why they would rather be with a bear in the woods over a man.

Men have disgusted them, because they only pay attention to the disgusting men.

This whole red pill thing is about basically forcing women to lower their standards. Men are subconsciously trying to equalize the ‘dating market’. Because at this point, half of all men, ‘probably more’ are not seen as potential partners.

Commercialism of the ego has convinced every woman that she is a 10…. Or that she at least deserves someone ‘hotter’ than her. If 99% of women never ‘settle’ that just means the con men are going to use the dating market like a ‘lazy susan’. If you pay attention to how women who try to date talk about men they keep relaying that they are just horny dogs and objectify them.

Well of course they do? Women are spoiling the f out of them. They have no incentive to be responsible when the culture is basically saying “YOLO MAX”.

This is only reinforcing the guys who are being chased after to never settle. Long term relationships require sacrifice (settling), and what guy would choose to stop having novel and casual sex? No woman in the world can convince that guy to settle down. And no man in the world who wants a LTR can convince that woman to settle down, because he is ‘not good enough’.

So the only men who really value women for who they are: are the ones who aren’t hot enough. Contrasting with: the only MEN that women value are the ones who, one woman could never be enough for.

The solution is for women to take some accountability for hypergamy because half of all men are basically facing the prospect of dying alone and never having a family of their own. Now I know men don’t have a ‘right’ to a woman, but shouldn’t everyone have the chance to have a family? Something is wrong with our culture if 50% of men are opting out of dating (really being opted out by women)

Imo, the red pill is a subconscious rebellion against this gross inequality. Men will keep going their own way until women start looking for them.

Social media has cranked all of this up to a sickening amount too.

astral1 · 2024-08-16T16:59:44+00:00

Dating apps + Hypergamy = Chaos

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-08-16T09:12:17+00:00

They tried of rejection

Muscletov · 2024-08-16T18:37:50+00:00

Cold approaching is dead and women killed it. And instead of taking the W and celebrating a feminist success story, they still piss and moan about men? Because apparently men collectively taking their advice and backing off makes...women look bad? Is that it? This is getting ridiculous.

GH0STRIDER579 · 2024-08-16T03:52:28+00:00

I'm 27 and I don't think I've ever approached anybody in a way that wasn't purely casual and germane in any way, especially not in a cold setting.

But sure, in the spirit of the question, it's true I've never told anyone I was interested, even if i was.

Impressive_Change289 · 2024-08-16T16:55:43+00:00

Women are such headaches today that they're not even worth approaching or attempting to win over. It's a high risk game with little to no payoff.

guppyhunter7777 · 2024-08-15T23:56:22+00:00

Well……about 45% of women don’t deserve it to be approached. So the math works itself out.

Glass_Bucket · 2024-08-16T01:19:49+00:00

What does it mean by “approach”?

I mean, there’s a huge difference between asking your coworker out to coffee who you’ve known for a few months and asking a random girl on the street for her number

Visual-Community-743 · 2024-08-16T02:25:36+00:00

No comments in this thread from women. Typical. Just stick to threads where you can insult men and call them greasey morons I guess.

WknessTease · 2024-08-16T01:23:22+00:00

Men have, on average, also less friends than they used to.

It's not just an issue of approaching women, it's a loneliness issue that includes the lack of social circle.

So the solution to that must be broader than just the dating aspect of men's lives. I'd even argue that focusing on that aspect in particular makes men feel even more like failures.

Any-Use8599 · 2024-08-16T16:47:04+00:00

As arrogant as this may come across the best thing for men to do is listen to men that know how to attract women. A lot of dudes (myself included in my youth) make the grave mistake of listening to women and thus later on falling flat on their face as other men come to the realization that it’s counterproductive to take women’s advice in attract that, because chances are they’re coming from a platonic place or on some eventual long term relationship after being pumped and dumped by Chad & Tyrone. The cybernetic realm (ie social media) feminism, and the influx of simps made it hard for every day men to approach women. In the end it’s genuinely stand up dudes (not the overcompensating “nice guys” who go “black pill Elliot Rogers) and legitimately wholesome women lose in all this.

Alfred-Adler · 2024-08-16T18:06:50+00:00

I'm not surprised, "approaching" is highly discouraged and guys risk being called/labeled as creepy just for saying "Hi".

I got no pony in this race, I am older and happily married, but I do follow the state-of-dating in the US.

McPigg · 2024-08-15T23:42:42+00:00

Some of the biggest players i know never approach, they just meet women through other people. I would have guessed that -no approach- number wayy higher, but i guess drunkenly talking to a girl at the bar counts

Redpill-mind · 2024-08-15T23:11:04+00:00

Most guys don't approach because it has a low success outcome unless you really have good game but most guys don't which is why they don't approach

harmonica2 · 2024-08-16T01:28:11+00:00

Why are all these research studies between men 18 to 25 usually? When men reach their late 20s are all of a sudden hit with a lot more confidence to approach?

Hi-Road · 2024-08-16T03:08:31+00:00

Personally I feel like you should have nothing to be ashamed of if you go up to try to talk to someone. If they do try to shame you, put the situation in perspective. You may have taken a hit to your ego. You dodged a bullet tho

Also feel like the women that totally freak out or take pride in being rude when a guy approaches respectfully are more than likely more than a tad socially inept. Kinder, more socially-attuned women can handle those situations with grace

All that to say.. I think we should try not to worry so much about the social temperature surrounding approaching atm - approach who you want, respectfully

G-real1 · 2024-08-16T05:06:48+00:00

If you're a desirable guy (good lookin and tall) why would you go cold approaching other than just for fun or to prove you can do it? I can get way more variety and be hyper specific in the selection online.

Also if its the right environment like a uni social event, women do actually approach guys they find attractive.

purplish_possum · 2024-08-16T09:56:29+00:00

My first two live approaches worked. When I was 7 I asked the girl next door if she wanted to come over and play. She said yes. When I was 15 I walked up girl at my first concert who was wearing booty shorts and told her she had nice legs. We dated for about a year (after I was cleared my her case worker).

Clementinequeen95 · 2024-08-16T11:59:07+00:00

Unfortunately if you’re on this page you’re likely uncomfortable with approaching other people. Y’all can blame the nasty, rude, creepy men who have made it an absolute nightmare to be approached as a woman. I know most men are nice but the ones who aren’t really impact how women see men in general

kaffeetasse22 · 2024-08-16T14:10:08+00:00

It feels unfair that, as a guy, I’m expected to always make the first move in dating. I never asked for that role, but it seems like a lot of women expect it. I think a lot of other guys can relate to feeling like this is an unfair expectation. We’d prefer if more women took the initiative too, making dating feel more equal.

Because of this, many of us are choosing to approach less often, only doing it when we really want to or in situations where it feels natural. It’s about wanting a more balanced dating scene where making the first move isn’t just a guy’s job.

nemma88 · 2024-08-15T23:38:16+00:00

Women are responding to that by saying men should go to bars, clubs, parties, and niche hobby clubs instead.

I mean, if you're going to confine the appropriate settings to such a niche and infinitesimally small area of life, you might as well just admit you discourage men from ever approaching women.

While online dating created another avenue, this sort of thing is how most my friends met their partners, how I met my husband, how my parents met, how my grandparents met, and so on and so forth. Cold approaching has never been the main avenue.

But more than that how we live now is incredibly different. Our communities are much larger. Rather than the average store worker knowing and interacting with the same 30 odd customers who live in the vicinity they're often exposed to hundreds of different people a day, stone cold approaches became more normalized and quickly added up, it became a nuisance. That's not anyone fault but its how it's viewed nonetheless.

Only a certain type of women go to bars and clubs, hobby groups have an even narrower participation group.

Most women, imo, go to some sort of parties (even if that's more like gatherings or conventions than parties) with friends and friends of friends if they do none of the others.

BrainMarshal · 2024-08-16T02:09:18+00:00

Only 45%? Tragic. It should be as close to 100% as possible.

AngeCruelle · 2024-08-15T23:44:05+00:00

I think a major flaw in discussion of "approaching" is the fact that different people have different ideas of what that even means and a researcher would have to be very specific about how they are defining it.

I assume this is the article in question. It is not published academic research. "Alexander", literally whoever the fuck that is, polled a bunch of people on some unnamed social media platform. My suspicion is that he polled his own followers on X/Twitter.

I can't find any indication that Alexander gave a definition of approaching in this poll, outside of specifying "in person." Some people will think that means walking up to a random girl, calling her hot, and asking for her snap. They might not necessarily think turning around and talking to your attractive classmate counts. I've gotten mixed views on whether my BF's first interaction with me counts as an approach. His intention was to talk to a cute girl about books and he did not imagine whatsoever that it was actually going to result in anything. I'm honestly not sure what he would answer if he were polled on whether he's "approached" someone.

GreatSmashPlayer · 2024-08-16T02:28:00+00:00

That's crazy, I wasn't aware that 45% of men were Redditors.

Jaded-Worldliness597 · 2024-08-16T05:52:37+00:00

Have you been to one of those niche hobby clubs? The women flee like crazy as men start approaching them, because the guys feel like this is the only space they can do it in.

The boys HAVE to start approaching in public spaces again.

Swaggyboi42069a · 2024-08-16T00:12:13+00:00

Solution: learn to recognize and disregard shitty women. You can substantially reduce your chances of being put on blast for approaching a woman by not approaching women who are likely to do so. Don't pay for OnlyFans. Take care of yourself and then approach the non shitty women who do not constantly victimize themselves.

Some ways to recognize these women:

Lots of tattoos, piercings, blue/purple/pink hair, dresses in black frequently or has gothic style and taste. Overweight. Has she/her in her social media. Politically vocal. Smokes weed / uses drugs recreationally. Frequent drinker. Drives a Nissan Altima. Claims she is a communist or is a socialist. Way too into astrology / crystals. Oddly competitive and offended easily. Into weird kinky sex where she is the dominant one. Wears baggy pants. Any other recognizable Narcissistic behavior

These women are likely emotionally unstable / have mental problems.

Green flags:

In shape and attractive. Has a wholesome social circle and gets along well with others. Has hobbies that don't involve politics, drugs and alcohol, or astrology and crystals. Good relationship with her father. Can listen to and empathize with both men and women. Not too many tattoos or none, minimal piercings if any, doesn't dye her hair unnatural colors or dyes it at all very frequently. Acceptable body count.

These women are probably emotionally stable. Might get annoyed if you court her and she's not into you, but won't put you on blast or try to cancel you over it.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-08-15T22:59:28+00:00

you might as well just admit you discourage men from ever approaching women.

Yeah, I’m fine with that.

You’re basically making most women off limits to most men.

No, they’re just as “off limits” as any two strangers are to each other.

Tbh tho the women who are calling those men “lazy, maladjusted, and insular” are assholes.

workrateis20 · 2024-08-16T07:21:37+00:00

I have approached maybe 1 woman and it wasn’t even about getting her number or getting to know her lmao. I was in a new area /train station.

Some women started talking to me on music festivals but it was nothing special, just chill vibes.

I don’t really like approaching because I’m looking for more than just pussy. I want to know beforehand how much we got in common etc.

I’ve had succes with tinder/bumble/Badoo and Twitter/X (before Musk ruined it)

Currently dating a woman from the apps

bifewova234 · 2024-08-16T03:09:45+00:00

That's because the TV told them it was a bad thing to approach women.

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Glass-Violinist-8352 · 2024-08-16T13:28:47+00:00

They are still too many considering a lot of women have said lot of times and very clearly that they don't want to be approached by men and that they are tired of all the attentions men give to them lol

HolidayInvestigator9 · 2024-08-16T16:11:03+00:00

I cant be the only guy who gets the worst vibes from random women in social settings that discourage me from even saying hi

Thunderjaw4955 · 2024-08-16T18:57:55+00:00

Approaching women is a part of rape-culture, is it not?

EugeneCezanne · 2024-08-16T19:09:55+00:00

Men are responding by pointing out that women on social media and in popular culture have made it taboo to approach women in every day life.

I don't fully understand this claim. As long as there have been women making it taboo to approach, there have also been women begging to be approached more. I have never gotten the impression that women, collectively, are of one mind on the topic. This tells me that any perspective I develop on approaches should be a lot more nuanced than a binary Yes or No, and that I should make peace with the fact that I can't please everybody.

f you're going to confine the appropriate settings to such a niche and infinitesimally small area of life

Well, just how small and niche it is in your life is up to you. It ultimately amounts to a distinct competitive advantage held by active enjoyers of nightlife over people who are not. If you think that's unfair, you're correct. Surely no one told you life was going to be fair.

However, pursuant to a more nuanced perspective, I don't think it's fair to say these are the only contexts in which approaching is appropriate. They're just usually the only context in which approaching is effectively normal. My theory is that the farther you are from a normal context, the more you need to rely on something abnormal to justify approaching.

For example, if I see Her at a party, I can just go over and start talking about anything. I don't even need to introduce myself, lay out my intentions or create some excuse; it's fully expected that strangers will socially interact. But if see the same Her in a grocery store, I'm going to think first about whether there is a plausible-enough reason for us to meet. Maybe I've seen her there 5 times this week, or maybe she's buying my favorite obscure product, or she's wearing my college's sweatshirt, or (hopefully) I recognize her from a prior, more social situation. How good my reason is for saying Hi is proportional to how utterly random it would be to do so for no reason at all.

Of course, the best reason ever to say anything is that I have something particularly good to say. But most people don't find that advice practical right away. Coming up with something uniquely interesting and charming works pretty much all the time, but requires creative talent you can't just cultivate overnight.

Boxisteph · 2024-08-16T20:49:44+00:00

Appropriate aproach and cold approach are two very different things. One will get you eyed as a creep or potential threat, the other will get you a pleasant conversation with either a gentle let down or a date

bootyhunter69420 · 2024-08-16T22:45:29+00:00

I'm apart of this statistic. Being my height and knowing how mean a lot of women are, it's a waste of time

9i6eon · 2024-08-17T04:54:29+00:00

they’re mostly in dating apps. my female friend had over 25+ matches in one day. men just don’t know how to approach women nowadays because they’re scared of being seen as a creep or scared of being seen as unattractive.

pg_throwaway · 2024-08-16T01:26:38+00:00

I can't remember ever being approached by a woman ( honestly, not sure if it means it has never happened, I just can't remember it happening). I feel like this isn't a real problem and I don't care about it at all. I mean, women just don't approach in general. It's pretty rare. Actually, most men don't even approach.

Anyways, so what? It hasn't stopped me from having meeting, sleeping with, and having relationships with women.

EducatorDelicious392 · 2024-08-16T15:52:36+00:00

Well most men meet women online and messaging someone online is not considered approaching, so this shouldnt be that surprising.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-08-15T23:18:18+00:00

I think it’s fine that young men don’t want to approach, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. They also should ignore the ignorant women insulting them (get off the internet).

The only issue is at the same time the same men will complain that they can’t find a woman or mention how much they want a girlfriend. You can’t do nothing and expect women to fall into your lap.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-08-15T23:19:30+00:00

They're in an age range where many are young enough to still be in education or live with parents and relationships and hookups are likely to be more mutual (say being acquainted through friend groups) than starting with an "approach". We also had covid while coming of age so no "approaching" could be done, and starting something through initially messaging online is becoming more popular but isn't generally considered an "approach".

Hoopy223 · 2024-08-16T00:46:38+00:00

I have a hard time believing that one. Maybe it’s something like “I’ve never asked a girl on a DATE” but they have hit up girls online, or hang out, just not “DATE”.

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-08-16T03:59:18+00:00

The number seems extreme, probably the majority of men don't need to approach women they can just naturally get into a relationship through their social circles.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-08-16T11:12:02+00:00

i think its true, i just dont think its because of "feminist messages about not approaching women", I think its because screens, autism diagnoses and porn has made them anti social

MongoBobalossus · 2024-08-15T23:20:46+00:00

On what planet are bars, clubs, and parties a “niche and infinitesimally small part of life”?

Most people aren’t antisocial shut-ins.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-08-15T23:43:24+00:00

Women aren't required to make themselves available to men. They're perfectly within their rights to want to be able to go about their business without having to put up with every guy who wants to shoot their shot.

I mean, if you're going to confine the appropriate settings to such a niche and infinitesimally small area of life

Bars, clubs, and parties are not "infinitesimally small" areas of life. They're incredibly common venues for people to meet and socialize. If you aren't interested in those areas, that's fine, but I'm not sure why women are expected to put up with guys who don't like those areas.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2024-08-15T23:52:17+00:00

I don't see an issue with this, the guys that are not approaching women are clearly the men women aren't attracted to. It's better for everyone if these guys don't approach and improve themselves or travel overseas

eli_ashe · 2024-08-16T02:40:57+00:00

i tend to approve of the site based approach to dealing with this. its nice to be able to, say, go to work, or the library, or the grocery store, and at least generally not expect to be approach for dating or sex.

whereas to go to the bar, club, some nightlife scene, or some fairly neutral setting, like a park or the beach one would expect exactly to get approached for dating or sex, and hence one is informed by going there.

i personally would say as a matter of pragmatics tabooing certain places is more effective than giving the green light to other places. as in, there is a default of it being ok to approach, with tabooed exceptions, perhaps even with degrees of tabooedness to them, and some places where it is obviously the point of going there, so that everyone feels comfortable with going there and being approached or doing the approaching therein.

sounds like a cool functioning society to me, rather than the puritanical shitshow that it is now.

blackdaalia · 2024-08-16T02:59:12+00:00

I think what women dislike is the way men approach them.

Personally, I have no issues if a man strikes up a conversation with me. I hooked up with (and then started dating) my current boyfriend after we chatted for 3 hours about things that went beyond "you're cute/hot, wanna go on a date/fuck?". I find him extremely attractive and charming, but if he, at the time a stranger, approached me just asking me out without knowing anything about me, I would have said no. I can't speak for others, but I'll tell you what works for me: if we at least know each other's names, corny or joke-y pickup lines or being hit on in a non-sexual way (think being complimented on your beautiful eyes instead of your banging body). In general, though, I recommend just chatting for a while and then shooting your shot.

Another thing that should be considered is how women are sometimes afraid to explicitly say "no" due to the possibility of men not accepting that "no", which can go from trying to change that to a "yes", which is uncomfortable, to completely ignoring the "no" and turning violent. I know, not all men, but most women have been assaulted in some way, be it through cat calling or something more serious, so, in general, we try to be cautious, especially when it comes to men we don't know. Anyway, being afraid to actually say "no" can quickly turn into just not wanting to be approached because then we don't need to say "no".

All this to say, I don't think men should stop approaching women, but I can't really blame them for being insecure about it. And just to make sure you dont misunderstand me, i'm not giving these women you mentioned a pass, i'm simply giving my opinion and maybe some advice on the matter. Women who call men lazy or whatever for not doing chatting up strangers are assholes.

(I'm a bit sleepy and english isn't my native language, so if there's anything that I didn't explain properly, I'm sorry)

flipsidetroll · 2024-08-16T05:45:51+00:00

So I’ve never approached a man. I could flirt if I was talking to them. But I have never just gone up to a man and started talking to them first. That would make me a hypocrite to insult a man who is the same.

This is when demographics are important. I’ve never actually seen any links to this study. It’s gained notoriety but for now it could be hearsay. Like the one about how we swallow 8 spiders in our sleep in a lifetime. Y’all know that’s hogwash right? So if they asked men that age in a gay club, do you think that would skew the conclusions? All I’m saying is keep an open mind and look for facts before you blindly believe.

InstructionMost628 · 2024-08-16T09:40:20+00:00

I am running a research on age gap relationships (7+gap)and relationships satisfaction. If we get more participants in relationships where YM with OW and OW with YM , then , depends on the results, we could add to the discussion. The link to the survey is here so anyone who wants to add to the science and bring some more light to the topic please fill in the form: https://forms.office.com/e/FF8aA7bBBY . Thanks in advance.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-08-16T10:22:01+00:00

Al lot of people in that age group tend to be afraid of a phone call or ordering IRL at a restaurant... So how do you think they won't be afraid to initiate a vocal interaction with another person?

the book "the anxious generation" might have some insights.

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-08-16T13:39:19+00:00

Most women just simply aren't going to be receptive to men cold approaching them in the street.

We need to improve the accessibility of third space for people to meet others, but this is so hard now with the cost of everything being so damn high. It is really money / wages preventing these interactions from happening..

In basically all of time previously this is how men and women would meet each other.

Parties, clubs, concerts, gigs, hanging out at the mall, each others places, etc, .. young people would do these constantly. Like it was basically their life for every free moment they had not spent in work or studying. Now we're just all online and on our phones, doomscrolling about how shit everything is.

So many men would rather blame women or #MeToo or whatever rather than see the issue for what it really is. But I think the reason they can't see it is: They had no idea what life used to be like, because they haven't lived it.. That's so, so sad.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-08-16T13:58:36+00:00

The male readers here are overly concerned with how many men a woman has slept with. Approaching strangers means they can never have any idea about her character beyond what she reveals.

How do you feel cold approaching strangers is going to help a neurotic man who is terrified of being cheated on or compared to a better former lovers?

apresonly · 2024-08-16T18:08:21+00:00

never in human history has it been normal for men to approach stranger women

EsotericRonin · 2024-08-16T01:09:26+00:00

I honestly doubt that. People still approach in real life.

Clear-Poet-9212 · 2024-08-16T01:33:31+00:00

This is a complete positive for women

IcyTrapezium · 2024-08-16T11:25:56+00:00

It’s not taboo to approach women at a bar. Men who say stuff like this don’t go out. I’m pretty active on the bar scene and men still approach women all the time.

Me too was about the work environment. Leave women alone at work. This isn’t complicated. If you want to approach a woman on Friday night at the bar, do it. Well adjusted people don’t find that odd in the slightest.

Title	Some research or survey came out saying 45% of men aged 18-25 have never approached a women.
Author	TruNorth556
Upvotes	190
Comments	488
Date	August 15, 2024 10:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1et958n/some_research_or_survey_came_out_saying_45_of_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/some-research-or-survey-came-out-saying-45-of-men.1527418 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527418

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