“Men are looking for clean water in a desert while women are looking for clean water in a swamp” is the most misandrist analogy I ever heard

Srapture · 2025-05-11T08:22:59+00:00

I agree that it sounds mean, but you can't deny the sentiment it's implying. Men struggle to find any partner, women would fairly easily be able to find a partner but need to filter through them to find the right partner.

This will always be the case while men are primarily the pursuers in romance.

aslfingerspell · 2025-05-10T15:41:22+00:00

I agree it's a bad analogy but I don't think it's misandrist. I think it's just a misunderstanding, or a poor attempt at both-sidism "everyone struggles in their own way" thinking without considering the implications.

The way I see it, the desert/swamp analogy doesn't portray equivalent struggles unless you assume that water in the desert is automatically high quality. Everyone has to filter for good, safe water: finding it is just the first step, no matter where you are.

"I have trouble finding anyone at all." and "I have trouble finding good people among the many I find." are only equivalent struggles if the people you find in the desert are more high quality than then people in the swamp, and that's no guarantee.

If a man sends out 100 messages and gets 1 reply back, it's not like that reply will be his soulmate. It could very well be a scammer, or someone who is dangerous, manipulative, not put together in life, incompatible for some non-obvious reason he won't find out until later, and so on. He only has 1 person to start filtering through that process after all that work.

Garfagnana · 2025-05-10T15:59:26+00:00

The “swamp” analogy is really just a way of describing that women are spoilt for choice, especially on dating apps.

I’ve gone on dates with women who have told me (and even showed me) the amount of “likes” they get on apps, like Hinge. It’s not uncommon at all for a very average woman who puts minimal effort into her profile to get 50+ “likes” per day, especially if she lives in a densely populated area. Most men aren’t getting anywhere near that amount of “likes.” Hell, I get a “like” maybe once per month, but I get 1-2 “matches” per day with women I “like” first, which is considered pretty good for a guy. I’m a 6’2” (188 cm) above-average-looking guy with a solid job who puts a lot of effort into his profile, and I struggle to have even 1/50th (2%) of the success an average woman with a low-effort profile has.

At the end of the day, this is just the reality of dating. Why would an average woman give an average guy a chance when she has already matched with over a dozen significantly-above-average guys this week? As a man, I know it’s incredibly frustrating, but women are just trying to get with the most attractive partners they can—this is exactly what men do too.

If men had as much optionally as women do on dating apps, men would behave the same exact way as women do: swiping left on 90-95% of profiles, only to swipe right on the top 5-10% of women whom he finds hot. I don’t think women are the “bad guys” here.

AngeAware · 2025-05-10T15:46:45+00:00

I always associated "looking for clean water" with the number of guys open to sex but not looking for commitment, particularly on dating apps.

In before "that's just Chad." No we actually have stats indicating that the majority of men on OLD do not consider spouse/LTR one of their primary motives. Granted, the majority of women don't either. But women who just want to fuck probably aren't the ones complaining about the seventh '"sup girl wanna fuck" intro she's received that day. And at this point those are the women most likely dominating since the ones who were tired of that shit already left and avoid dating apps. Hence the dramatically skewed gender ratio.

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elbruh1413514351435 · 2025-05-11T06:02:49+00:00

Another problem with the swamp analogy is that women love to swim in the swamp aka hookup culture with men who don't care. They like to talk about men being shallow, having low emotional maturity or men only caring about looks when they go let themselves get used by men they chase

catdog8020 · 2025-05-10T19:09:44+00:00

It’s condescending and covert misandry/feminism no doubt. I think it reinforces the ideology that men are incompetent, dysfunctional, ugly, and inherently BAD.

Of course, the reality is that the cause is due to hoeflation and feminism condemning and blaming men for some things they have no control over.

GloeSticc · 2025-05-10T22:20:34+00:00

Men just aren't perceived as valuable rn in terms of relationships. You need to provide something significant to stand out from all of the other sausages. In the dating scene, the analogy actually makes sense to me. Men need women more than the other way around, or at least that's what the data indicates. If you're in the desert, you probably aren't going to care as much if the water is clean or not. Honestly? I don't see why people have such a problem with this decision making process. Men would do the EXACT same thing if given the opportunity. Everyone just wants a better deal.

However, that doesn't mean I can't see why the analogy is a little off-putting. It kinda posits that men are worth less than women. While I don't think this is necessarily true holistically, it absolutely represents the current dating market.

I think a lot of men suffer from loneliness, and project those feelings outwards. It sucks to feel worthless, and sucks even more if you don't think you'll ever climb out of that pit of despair. What's even more tragic is that a lot of these men probably won't be able to adequately provide what their partner needs in the relationship, even if they had one. Really sucks. For everyone.

poloscraft · 2025-05-11T10:07:00+00:00

I hate this analogy because it implies that all women are great matches and men should be happy to get any attention.

Yes, men are on the desert, but the quality of water presented to them is of this in swamp. And women behave like we should be grateful to get anything

Solondthewookiee · 2025-05-10T16:00:39+00:00

Why do you think being incompatible with someone means they are "subpar?"

I've dated really great women before, some of whom I'm still good friends with. We just weren't compatible.

Dramatic_Survey_5743 · 2025-05-10T15:39:07+00:00

Took me a minute to understand your criticism of the analogy. Most men worship women because of a lack of experience. You see this gorgeous woman at the club and think aww she doesnt want shit to do with me because im an average guy. You see this demigod. You don't realize that shes's boring , the sex is bad, she farts a lot, mentally ill, because all you see is an image, and her standards have placed you as a fan witnessing her existance.

With that being said most men don't understand that beyond the smoke in mirrors is another human, and most men are just not seen as attractive or wanted until it's time to get married.

We are the trash being sifted through and they are the nice glass of water waiting to be found.

DelDivision · 2025-05-12T08:26:03+00:00

Ironically the anology kind of proves incels right. You cant say 80/20 is bullshit just to turn around and say your pool is a swamp. And it also avoids the question that gets asked about men who struggle.... If it is a swamp what does it say about the women?

JohnaldJr21 · 2025-05-10T17:52:13+00:00

A better analogy is men looking for a girlfriend have the same odds of landing a full time job in this job market.

No matter what happens you’re still unlikely to land a job market in this economy. Same with dating at this point in time.

0x474f44 · 2025-05-10T22:38:46+00:00

The way I have heard the analogy is that both men and women are dying of thirst but men are in a desert and women on the ocean

VoidLordRK · 2025-05-11T09:27:22+00:00

I disagree.

Not all water found in the desert is clean, after all.

Plazmatron44 · 2025-05-11T13:10:31+00:00

The entire dating scene is skewed heavily in women's favour to an untenable degree, women having been brainwashed by a century of feminism are conditioned to always see themselves as victims so even when they have a huge advantage they'll still try to blame men.

Ok-Huckleberry-383 · 2025-05-12T12:00:06+00:00

In reality men are in a desert, looking for a smaller swamp

Jebaibai · 2025-05-13T13:44:49+00:00

As a woman, this is 💯 accurate. Finding a man is easy. Finding a man who will be a true partner is the tricky part.

For example, dating apps have a lot of married men, men who are looking for hookups, fwb, etc, men who are inappropriate from day one, men who are looking for a place to stay, etc.

When you remove all these men, you're left with very few

drink_with_me_to_day · 2025-05-10T16:11:02+00:00

Supply-demand analogy only, don't read too much into it

No_Shame318 · 2025-05-11T08:01:08+00:00

Definitely sounds like a skill issue on those men’s behalf. I see nothing wrong with the analogy, I actually really like it! I’ll be using it moving forward.!

leosandlattes · 2025-05-10T15:39:09+00:00

Most men are not good for long term relationships. Like, objectively, especially for young people, most men are not the kind you want to be building a life with and starting a family with. It is few men who have their shit figured out both by life competence and emotional competence. So for women, the greatest challenge is filtering through men.

Now to be fair, most young women are not good for long term partnership either. They have the same problems regarding life unreadiness, lack of emotional awareness, they don’t want to settle down yet, etc. The difference is that the men with no/few options will take what he can get. The implication is not that men are worse, it’s that men are more desperate.

DragoniteNine · 2025-05-10T16:24:51+00:00

You have the tism and sub5 looks don't you

GKilat · 2025-05-10T17:36:35+00:00

The swamp analogy simply means that a lot of men are desperate for relationships regardless if they are prepared for it and women have to wade through that. That fits the dirty water analogy because a lot of men just want relationship to scratch the itch from their crotch and nothing else. Sex is a must but a working relationship is optional because they either just move to another if it fails or just use brute force by being controlling.

Can you really blame this analogy if men themselves admit their standard is so low that the only requirement is you are a woman for them to notice you? Without any concern about compatibility as a requirement, it's clear they only want one thing. It refers to men that only cares about sex and nothing else. If you care about being compatible with your partner, then it doesn't apply to you and shouldn't be offended by it.

Playful-Paint-9937 · 2025-05-11T06:16:50+00:00

Being a female is like being a queen seated on a throne of privilege, with thousands of peasants at her feet, all starving and begging her for food. Being a male is like being one of those peasants.

While the peasants starve, the queen complains that she is annoyed by her inability find a peasant whom she deems worthy of eating her food. Who is in the more privileged situation here?

philseven12 · 2025-05-10T21:25:31+00:00

It's a "swamp" for most women because most of them lack the ability to charm/entice the the type of dude they want for beyond fwb.

They get all the attention in the world but can't do anything with it nor do they hold leverage over the small section of attractive men they obsess over.

If you can't catch a dolphin, maybe the swamp is where you need to be. Women have access to "greatness" at their fingertips but can't get the amazing guy to comply.

That means she's less like a mermaid and more like a frog herself with lipstick

Interesting-Gas4506 · 2025-05-11T08:01:10+00:00

Most men are in fact subpar, and throughout history, the majority of the men didn't get to mate.

Its biology.

BigHouse888 · 2025-05-10T16:19:34+00:00

Men are looking for water in the desert, women are looking for Evian in the supermarket when there are tens of other good brands .

AsturaeConiecto · 2025-05-10T22:43:34+00:00

Men are looking for clean water in a desert, women are looking for champagne in the river.

TheoryScottyKnew · 2025-05-10T17:19:02+00:00

It is not fair to say that women are rejecting these men because they are too "picky". In the same vein, the men getting rejected aren't in some way "inferior" for not getting the matches they desire. Dating apps are really effed in my opinion but to each their own! I will also say that, women only ever resort to dating apps if they wanna hook up(hence the look out for conventionally "hot" guys) or to find a life partner. Not tryna imply men aren't doing the same. Hell-they are! But like, the amount of horny men that hit women up is astounding so... big numbers give the illusion of choice, not the reality.

ILikeBird · 2025-05-10T21:33:10+00:00

1) It is a fact women prefer men at the same educational level or higher, regardless of income. It is also a fact men are less likely to be at the same educational level or higher. I’m not arguing whether or not it’s a good view to have (my boyfriend is at a lower educational level than me). I’m explaining why the average women have trouble finding men at their same “level” in traits they value, and therefore may feel they are “dating down” for the average man.

2) Men are also more likely to be overweight than women. This means men might be more likely to go to the gym regularly, but the average woman is more likely to be “skinny/fit” than the average man. Meaning that even at the physical body level, the average woman might feel like she is dating down.

3) I see this argument all the time but have yet to hear of it happening in real life or from a trustworthy source. I do not think women are likely to break up with men who share their feelings in an emotionally mature way.

4) Can you give an example of a trait the average man values in a woman that the average man is typically “higher” in? Most of the time on this subreddit it seems men mainly value beauty, which women tend to have a higher average in.

ILikeBird · 2025-05-10T16:58:32+00:00

The average man is “subpar” to women in a lot of traits women value.

 - The average woman is more likely to have a college education, a trait many value. This means a lot do women will have to “date down” from an educational stand point. - The average woman spends a lot more time/ money on their appearance. I would argue this means the average woman is more attractive than the average man. Similarly, more men are overweight than women. Meaning a lot of women will have to “date down” from an appearance standpoint. - Furthermore, women tend to have more in- depth social circles/friendships. This means they will have more practice in the emotional support/relationship maintenance department. This means many women will have to “date-down” in from an emotional capability standpoint.

I don’t really have a solution to suggest for this, but I do think it contributes to some of the difficulties women have finding a suitable man. By a lot of metrics women use to measure a parter’s value, the average man will be “lower” than the average woman’s.

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projecteddesperation · 2025-05-10T18:20:44+00:00

It comes from the expectation of agency placed on men and aspirational pursuit. Both men and women will approach potential mates that are comparable or more desirable. Both men and women have a "swamp" of opportunities with less desirable mates. However, men don't get approached by those less desirable mates, nor do men approach those less desirable mates.

I think misandry can play a factor in defining and influencing what is 'comparable' though.

FeelThePetrichor · 2025-05-11T18:18:14+00:00

I never took it as a jab against men but at the state in which we are forced to date. I don't believe the "game" is fair to either gender and so we've created low value interactions for women because the expectation is that the man either wants sex or is insincere. Its just a little crazy to me because from what I've been told we all want it, right? I think we should collectively hold each other accountable for the behavior that have shaped this dynamic. I certainly think women are often not paying any mind to these guys, and I've seen it myself, that would likely fit their criteria and yet "something" is holding them back. "Something" in this case being a laundry list of issues that don't have a singular source.

SoooDisappointed · 2025-05-12T18:04:15+00:00

Not misandrist. Just because you can't find any water, it doesn't mean that the one you find will be clean. But it means that most will not reject the water as soon as they find it, no matter how dirty.

AwareOption906 · 2025-05-12T18:26:57+00:00

That analogy is basically women inadvertently admitting they’re all going after Chads

cuminciderolnyt · 2025-05-14T20:13:49+00:00

na.. its more like men are in the desert, women are in front of a vending machine, spoilt for choices but refusing to drink from it because the brand of premium water that they want is unavailable.

SensMonk3 · 2025-05-15T01:52:50+00:00

women don’t like to acknowledge that the “dirty water” in the swamp is not made up of bad men who could be violent or cruel. Most of it is made up of ugly and short men who they consider to be dirty.

RedPillDad · 2025-05-10T16:55:56+00:00

In terms of SMV, the average man is subpar compared to the average woman. Why? 1. Biologically, the egg bearer is more valuable than the sperm donor. 2. Testosterone makes a man thirsty. A woman doesn't have to make the hard grind to win, she can saunter off to the winner's circle and pick the guys who already won.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-10T15:29:37+00:00

Then men are misandrist, because I hear it from men most of all

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kratomphysician · 2025-05-10T15:31:17+00:00

I think it’s mostly that women are tired of hookup culture, and getting let down by the men they’re attracted to. And they’ve internalized misandrist messaging from social media

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-05-10T16:11:32+00:00

The analogy is saying the location (in other words Tinder and swipe apps) suck. That’s why it’s a swamp.

RedCapRiot · 2025-05-10T21:58:24+00:00

Actually, I think this is a perfect analogy, and I'm a dude.

cromulent_weasel · 2025-05-11T00:09:24+00:00

Is this analogy implying that the average man out there is, compared to the average woman at least, subpar, not only in terms of attractiveness, but emotionally and mentally as well?

No. It's saying HAVE SOME EMPATHY FOR WHAT WOMEN GO THROUGH.

Which this post categorically does not. Getting 2000 likes is overwhelming, and even more so when you start contacting people and get ghosted repeatedly.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-05-11T18:10:11+00:00

No, it simply means not personaly subjectively compatible, no spark... It doesn't mean most men are trash. You just can't negotiate genuine attraction. Even if they are hreat on paper you are not guaranteed to FEEL something for them.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2025-05-11T18:57:52+00:00

I feel bad for dudes that truly believe dat in f apps are the only way to meet women

WanabeInflatable · 2025-05-10T15:41:20+00:00

Why it is misandrist? Bad analogy for sure, but it doesn't promote misandry.

Women are facing abundance of male attention. We men are causing it and enabling them to feel entitled, as they have a abundance of choice, so they can treat you as expendable, as there is a queue of candidates.

Men can solve the problem by decentering women, quit dating and especially online dating. Don't seek marriage. Don't seek attention of women. Fixing balance starts with YOU stopping chasing women and inflating their egos

WillyDonDilly69 · 2025-05-10T15:50:46+00:00

No the analogy was done by a woman and just shows their selfishness because they do really think they are some pure water when THE REALITY GOES LIKE this men go through desert hoping for water just find swamp

Jake0024 · 2025-05-10T16:51:25+00:00

Yes, that's what it's implying. Compared to young men, young women typically:

Spend more time working out
Have better hygiene
Spend more time and money on their appearance
Have better posture and mobility
Have more hobbies
Have more friends
Read more
Are better educated
Earn more money

Imagine doing all these things and you're surrounded by men who don't. Why would you want to settle for an out of shape, overweight, smelly, uneducated man with a bad job who can't dress himself properly?

What would you do? Do even more of these things, in hopes of being able to attract one of the best men (who is a bit closer to your level, but still can't keep up)? Or would you just give up and stop trying, so it feels more "fair" when you end up dating a guy who doesn't do any of them?

I know, everyone's going to put out the average woman only finds the top 20% of men attractive. Somehow that's a problem with women I guess--there's a universal law of fairness that women have to find at least 50% of men attractive, even if 80% of men are overweight and don't shower.

And look, I've been there. I've even talked about how unfair it is. Life is supposed to be like a Disney movie, where the beautiful princess sees the guy for his inner worth or whatever, right? And it didn't work, so I started going to the gym and doing some yoga here and there. And wouldn't you know it, a few months later I had to start telling women "sorry, I'm seeing someone."

Alwaysnthered · 2025-05-10T16:14:06+00:00

I don't know why this even has to be debated. please just skip over all the circlejerk material and just read the simple sentence below.

Occum's Razor

When women say "clean water in swamp", it's coming from an emotionally charged angle. they are referring to the men that elicit an emotional response - the attractive f'boys with secret wives/gfs/just messing around and the creepy weirdos. there is a whole swath of normal well adjusted men that don't exist.

so if you are a decent guy who is looking for something long term and hearing this pisses you off (but you aren't hot, or creepy/weird), remember that the women are not even directing their hatred at you becuase you do not exist to them.

just ignore these women that say this and carry on with your day. don't argue with them. you'll save yourself some stress! there are plenty of great women out there who have a more balanced perspective.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-05-10T16:19:01+00:00

Is just plain and simple narcissism, women see their mere presence as a gift from god itself. You can see the same mindset towards arranged marriages, despite the men in the case also having no say in the matter only the woman suffer since "she is a gift of god that he didn't deserved".

ndngroomer · 2025-05-11T03:03:57+00:00

No, that analogy is not misandrist. It’s not even anti-male—it’s anti-bullshit. The “clean water in a desert” vs. “clean water in a swamp” analogy is a metaphor for dating challenges from two different vantage points:

Men navigating a desert are dealing with scarcity—finding any meaningful connection is hard.

Women navigating a swamp are dealing with excess—plenty of options, but most of them are low quality or toxic.

It’s not saying men are saints and women are monsters, or vice versa. It’s saying the terrain is different depending on which path you’re on.

Calling that analogy “the most misandrist thing ever said” tells me you didn’t understand it—or you chose not to.

Blue__Ronin · 2025-05-10T17:03:36+00:00

Women aren't laser left swiping.

Women get approached a lot by multitudes of men who are not good for relationships. they have to filter those people out

DenverKim · 2025-05-10T18:25:16+00:00

You don’t seem to have a grasp on the reality of the situation for women in dating apps. You have tunnel vision thinking only of how bad men have it. I think you should set up a dating profile as a woman for just one week and see how it goes. Maybe then you’ll understand the swamp analogy.

katsnushi · 2025-05-10T18:39:17+00:00

I mean, you just outlined the analogy perfectly while disagreeing with it; men with 0 matches, 0 dates or 0 women are in a ‘desert’ of dating opportunity (as in it’s a dry ass desert, the lack of water equating to lack of potential partners) while “laser-left-swiping” women have ALL the water (analogous for dating opportunity) in a swamp, but it’s not potable. The fact that women have more opportunities and are wading through the ‘swamp’ is basic biology/evolution, as well. Look at any animal besides us—the males near exclusively perform to charm a mate. Male birds have an over 90% failure rate in courtship, for example.

ndngroomer · 2025-05-11T03:03:46+00:00

No, that analogy is not misandrist. It’s not even anti-male. It’s anti-bullshit. The “clean water in a desert” vs. “clean water in a swamp” analogy is a metaphor for dating challenges from two different vantage points:

Men navigating a desert are dealing with scarcity; finding any meaningful connection is hard.

Women navigating a swamp are dealing with excess: plenty of options, but most of them are low quality or toxic.

It’s not saying men are saints and women are monsters, or vice versa. It’s saying the terrain is different depending on which path you’re on.

Calling that analogy “the most misandrist thing ever said” tells me you didn’t understand it, or you chose not to.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-05-10T16:42:06+00:00

Both genders have their expectations set too high and are analogizing their experiences.

wtknight · 2025-05-10T17:17:44+00:00

I don't think that it's misandrist to acknowledge that women are picky. This is just nature across many animal species.

Protactium91 · 2025-05-10T17:25:47+00:00

like in many other similar instances, the line is a confession: women are deserts == i've never inspired a woman's love; men are swamps == i consider myself (and perhaps other men) filthy entities

RedPillDad · 2025-05-10T22:22:52+00:00

I prefer this analogy: a man is the vessel and a woman is the water. She flows (feminine) into the framework (framework) he provides.

Quad-Banned120 · 2025-05-11T04:51:46+00:00

Is this analogy implying that the average man out there is, compared to the average woman at least, subpar

Who'd have more luck walking around town asking random strangers if they want to fuck, the average man or the average woman.

Come on champ, do the math.

GriffinLiftin · 2025-05-12T17:33:37+00:00

Women are looking for clean water in a swamp. Men overwhelmingly commit more crimes, hurt women, are racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, dumber, more prone to anger, harder to reason with, the list goes on (not saying women CANT be any of those things, they’re just less likely to, and are far less likely to hurt / murder / degrade men) - it’s not our faults we’re this way, it’s how we’re raised, with a lot of entitlement, privilege, and a lack of self awareness. BUT - it IS our job to unlearn it, most men just … don’t. And then get mad, and scream, and go “oh so you HATE masculinity, you just HATE MEN for no reason!” When they’re just clearly missing the point.

Also, many men are kinda ugly. They don’t take care of themselves the way women do. They smell, have unkempt beards and hair, dress weirdly, because they’ve never been told their entire life that their entire worth is based on their beauty, which women are told every single day. We get to see men on TV of all shapes and sizes marry beautiful women - Kevin James type men with hot wives. Women? They don’t get that. They aren’t told that as long as they’re funny they can get whoever they want regardless of size. In fact, many men will insult plus sized women and imply they’re pigs and men would only date them for a fetish or something. That’s why men are looking for clean water in a desert - very little options because most men are not on the same level as most women (I’m bisexual, so I’m attracted to both, and I can 100% say the average women is far more attractive than the average man).

It’s the patriarchy punishing men and women - except men just have to whine about how women won’t date them bc they’re lowkey ugly, while women get murdered and beaten and SA’d. But oh yeah, this phrase is soooooo misandrist, right?

topyTheorist · 2025-05-10T16:59:54+00:00

There are very few men who have 0 dates.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-05-10T19:23:51+00:00

Explain how it’s misandrist

The_Forgotten001 · 2025-05-10T22:15:23+00:00

Incels (which is who you’re talking about, as only they would have 0 women interested) are an extreme minority of the population.

The analogy applies to the general population.

Title	“Men are looking for clean water in a desert while women are looking for clean water in a swamp” is the most misandrist analogy I ever heard
Author	Crazy_Kray
Upvotes	388
Comments	684
Date	May 10, 2025 3:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kjcu1r/men_are_looking_for_clean_water_in_a_desert_while/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-are-looking-for-clean-water-in-a-desert-while.1551880 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551880

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