What's your dating hot take? Something you believe from your own dating experiences that this sub would typically disagree with?

youarockandnothing · 2024-05-05T17:52:30+00:00

Everyone claims to be done with dating apps and yet single women (and to a lesser extent, single men) go to public social events, conventions, speed dating events, church singles mixers etc less than ever before. Singles are abandoning the public social space.

cromulent_weasel · 2024-05-05T20:40:53+00:00

Completely agree with 5 and 7.

My ones:

a. Everybody is a weirdo. Your goal should be to try and find a weirdo who complements you. Matching baggage, so to speak.

b. Your profile needs to be designed to trigger engagement from the people you want to want to date, not just be your 'best' photos. You're not trying to get 1,000 people to like you. You're trying to get 1.

c. Men shouldn't act thirsty. Try to have the same standards as women do and act the way they do on apps. (and if that means your profile gets no engagement, see points a and b above)

d. Chatting is a waste of time. Meet up ASAP to avoid time wasters and filter out incompatibility issues straight away.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-05-05T18:38:10+00:00

People have their phones on them all the time. A very slow response time has always meant disinterest in my lived experience. (This is coming from a guy who isn't big into texting at all, but it shouldn't take 11 hours to get back unless you've been performing surgery all day).

In my experience it means the frequent texter believes he should take priority over everything else she has going on the day and requires too much attention.

One-Preference7122 · 2024-05-05T21:22:15+00:00

Not sure if it's a hot take anymore, but me and plenty of other guys have come to the conclusion that dating isn't worthwhile for the average man.

It's also somehow the average mans fault women don't treat them with common decency. So yea, just not dealing with it anymore. Life has been better single, far better.

N-Zoth · 2024-05-05T17:44:27+00:00

Dating should be effortless. If you're with the right person, spending time with them should feel comfortable and relaxing. Tryharding is not sustainable in the long run.

bread93096 · 2024-05-05T20:27:52+00:00

As a bisexual man, I can confirm that women absolutely have higher physical standards than men. I’ll have fit, handsome, charming men hitting me up on Grindr while simultaneously getting zero matches on Tinder with the same photos. It’s so obvious to me I can’t believe there’s any debate on this point.

pop442 · 2024-05-05T18:43:16+00:00

Too many women think a "good man" is someone with a high status/White collar job, high level of education, or someone who makes 6 figures. There are many "good men" who are truck drivers, electricians, line cooks, construction workers, auto mechanics, retail workers, department store managers, plumbers, barbers, etc. They just don't have the social status and luxury that comes with the modern "good man" label.
Short men and older women being stereotyped as insecure and bitter has more to do with psychological justification for ruling them out of the dating market than reality. Tons of young women are bipolar, jaded from fuckboy relationships/casual sex, crazy, etc. And tons of tall men are insecure and treat their height like their personality. It just gets overlooked or downplayed due to thirst and desperately wanting to overlook the flaws of the conventionally attractive. By contrast, many women and men already feel like they're doing short men and older women a favor by dating them which is why you see so many write them off after 1 or 2 bad experiences.
OLD isn't all that bad when it comes to increasing your dating options beyond your comfort zone or immediate area. I've encountered and even dated some interesting people off of it. It's far from perfect but not entirely the shit show that people make it out to be.
Pre-selection mostly holds true for the precise group you're trying to appeal to. A man sleeping with a bunch of fat women isn't going to boost his chances with a skinny girl. A man dating a bunch of Black women isn't going to increase of chances of dating Asian women. Pookie and Bubba can have harems of women from the ghetto and the trailer park and still become borderline Incels in UMC neighborhoods that'll be the first to call the cops on them. People simplify pre-selection to being a universal halo when it's more so a halo for the group you've had the most success with.
Liberal women date and fuck a lot of apolitical, moderate, and even conservative men on the low. People have to remember that White men are more politically conservative than non-White men, tall men are more politically conservative than short men, and rich men are more politically conservative than poor men. If you think the average liberal woman is going to overlook prospects among the most desirable demographic in America in the name of politics, I have a bridge to sell you.

pyroblastftw · 2024-05-05T19:42:15+00:00

Those who dismiss modern dating dynamics imagine that it’s as simple as “just going outside” the same way boomers would tell you to just “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”.

RaidenTheBlue · 2024-05-05T22:07:56+00:00

Men compliment women about their inherent attributes as individual human beings. Women compliment men in a hierarchical context (ie, being better than other men)

UseOk8123 · 2024-05-05T18:48:32+00:00

-If she refuses to let me pay the tab, she doesn't want to see me again even if she seemed enthusiastic (just my experience).

-Women in existing friend or activity groups are not worth pursuing unless the chemistry is absolutely perfect. It always fucks things up and makes that group awkward for months/years.

-Putting in any actual effort in early stages doesn't pay off. Think about her as little as possible. Do not look her up online. Do not think about her and build ideas in your head of the perfect date. There is a 90% chance this is not working out, and trying too hard makes it 98%.

Fan_Service_3703 · 2024-05-05T18:03:36+00:00

Dating is exponentially harder for men than women at all levels of attractiveness.
Most of the things we are attracted to are a combination of biological factors, cultural factors, and environmental factors from early childhood and puberty years.
Yes, there are genuine mental/psychological differences between men and women. However, those differences are largely not applicable to the conventions of modern society.
Men are more sexually attracted to social status in women than the reverse.
Men are more willing to get with someone below their standards out of pure physical desire than the reverse.
Women are attracted to "bad boys" and their dark behaviour far more than they're willing to admit. However, men are attracted to these traits in women at a similar level.
The primary reason women seem to "be happy single" much easier than men is that most can get their needs met with relative ease.
Modern western dating is a shitshow for pretty much everyone involved, but it is infinitely preferable to systems in the past and in other parts of the world.

MikeArrow · 2024-05-05T17:48:17+00:00

Maybe I've just been lucky, but 90% of the usual complaints around dating women have simply not come up in my experience. I've never had to pay for dinner (I pay my half, they pay theirs). They've all been generally nice, polite, courteous people. I've never felt pressured to move faster than I wanted to, or felt like they were seeking to use me in any way. It's all been pretty open and honest communication from the get go.

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2024-05-05T21:00:10+00:00

My hot take is that many of the things this sub says about women are correct, but only in regards to women who are active users of online dating apps. Online dating appeals most to a specific type of person, generally those who want to play the field and aren't tremendously interested in settling down, those who don't fit this criteria either never use the apps at all, or quickly meet someone or get discouraged and stop using the app. So when this sub complains about things like "all women only want the top 20% of men" or "a woman would drop her man in a second if something better came along", the reason they're having this experience is because they've limited their search to exactly the type of partner they don't want.

LiftSushiDallas · 2024-05-05T19:00:27+00:00

Women over 40 can have better options (men who aremore attractive and more financially successful) available to them for RELATIONSHIPS not just sex vs the men they had access to at 23 depending on how fit and attractive they are vs their past self AND what THRY want in a relationship.

Kapoue · 2024-05-05T19:28:53+00:00

A lot of women want casual non strings attached sex. If you're a good lover, there is no shortage of them.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-05-05T18:40:50+00:00

Nothing really depends on your deliberate actions, unless you're doing something actually stupid like self-sabotage. So you should just relax and enjoy it.

indaknffr · 2024-05-05T19:25:12+00:00

5) You can typically tell within the first minute if she likes what she sees or not. If her eyes are flat and her facial expression looks slightly let down, it's dead. This is the main reason a lot of us guys just want to meet ASAP. No need to spend week(s) texting if it gets all thrown out the window within the first few minutes of the first date anyways.

This is a good endorsement for cold approaching

Inevitable-Mouse60 · 2024-05-05T20:05:27+00:00

Realizing that relying on dating apps' algorithmic matching for mating success should fill you with dread and slight disgust. You should feel that you are living in unprecedented times, that this is not natural, that somehow you are cheating on your DNA/human blueprint.
Examine your need to emotionally bond/connect/depend on a total stranger you met on tinder...
Being funny, making her laugh is overrated. You are not a court jester. Just be tall and dress sharp
You will now in less than one minute of knowing her if you will be intimate together. I would even dare that it's a matter of seconds.
Text on your screen is just pixels. Realize there exists a whole machinery in your brain of turning pixels into symbols, emotions, hope, fantasy, heart break, sorrow, anger. At the same time, text/dating profile means nothing (just pixels) or everything (your oneitis, your lover). It's up to you how you interpret that visual input.

CraftyCooler · 2024-05-05T20:06:31+00:00

You can learn how to date and have success with people in general. You won't become Chad of course - but you can greatly improve how you are doing with your looksmatch. My 2 years of more serious dating changed a lot in my life - at some point I wasn't even asking girls on dates in romantic context, I just wanted to have company to visit some museum/concert/event so I simply called some girl I previously met online and usually she was more than happy to go with me. I even learned how to pass job interviews and do my job better using experience gained while dating lol.

45O2p0o2U1zf · 2024-05-05T20:20:33+00:00

Men who can't win the dating market should just buy sex, which is probably pretty easy where you live. It's easy to care a lot less if you're having as much sex as you want.

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2024-05-05T18:38:40+00:00

Women are as shallow as men when it comes to looks and far more shallow than men when it comes to money and status.

Immediate-Society222 · 2024-05-05T19:19:34+00:00

*** - most important : joining hobby etc is BS unless you're 7/10 atleast. Most common way is dating apps . Women are socializing less and less.

*- serial monogamy is the norm nowadays . After that FWB . And then traditional relationship . Casual hookups still happen less than the other 3.

*- My hot take is that reddit is mostly optimistic " there is someone for everyone" mentality "grass toucher" women + older men who had it way easier, who try to shut you up whenever you nag about how hard it is to even get a date. A 6/10 man is struggling . A 7/10 man has to put a ton of work to get 1/5 of what he is sweating for.

UnhappyInevitable680 · 2024-05-05T18:02:36+00:00

Women care about looks more than men

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2024-05-05T18:32:45+00:00

Ugly/average men cheat more. Red pill guys will swear that Chad's are the biggest cheaters, but that's not my experience at all. Chad usually gets it out of his system in high school or college and wants something stable eventually. A lot of ugly guys feel they "missed out" and will cheat on a perfectly cute girl with land whales just for validation. It's happened to me and all my female friends at least once.

JonMyMon · 2024-05-06T01:05:46+00:00

Not only do women like confidence, they often want a man who’s more confident than they are.

Men are often looking for their confidence equivalent.

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-05-06T01:08:51+00:00

If you get a lot of casual sex opportunities as a man you’re doing something right with your life, or you’re genetically blessed.
It is totally respectable for a woman who doesn’t want commitment to only fuck guys she’s extremely attracted to.
It is also logical for a woman to look for different things for an LTR as opposed to an NSA/FWB situation. Same applies to men for that matter.
It is a worthwhile endeavor for a man to make himself attractive for NSA sex opportunities if it isn’t natural for him, so that when he is eventually sought for an LTR he doesn’t feel the need to make up for lost time.
If a man can throw down in the bedroom, she will not have any loss of respect due to whatever sexual opportunities he did miss out on previously. It will not matter since she will be hooked on good dick.

Ormriss · 2024-05-06T06:20:59+00:00

"The Wall" is a myth made up by bitter men in an attempt to belittle the women that they claim rejected them. I've seen so many women past the so-called Wall that had men coming out of the woodwork for them. I worked with a woman who had three kids from three different men, was in her mid to late thirties, and men would chase her down. One guy tried to get her phone number while they were both driving and next to each other in traffic. She often shared these types of stories (and there was no reason for her to make them up) and clearly had many options for dating and casual sex.
There's too many men who claim that women won't date them but the reality is they (the men) are waiting for the women to initiate or at least definitely confirm their interest. They never actually ask the women out on a date; they either play coy with 'hanging out' or some other weak shit so they have plausible deniability if/when they get rejected, or they just hover around hoping the woman will spontaneously ask them out/suggest a date.
Women, even those that bemoan being single, will reject men based on the most absurd shit. One woman I worked with a while back was somewhat attractive, mid-20s, and she clearly had some chemistry with this one guy who did contract work on campus. I overheard her tell another woman that she lost interest in him one day because he took too long to speak to her after entering the room she was in.
The area you live in dictates your dating life (much to OP's point 7). If you live in a rural area, hope you like riding ATVs through the woods and listening to country music. Otherwise, you will have very limited options. I've lived in a rural area for many years. I have never dated anyone who was born here; all my successful dates have been with women who moved into the area later in life.
Happy, fulfilling relationships between older men and younger women happen less than the average red-pill man thinks, but more often than the average blue-pill woman thinks.

Remote_Panic_3271 · 2024-05-05T18:09:07+00:00

Women are more shallow and care more about looks than men and most women are only accepting of a very narrow type of look that fits the beauty standard

Demasii · 2024-05-05T19:51:46+00:00

It's stupid to bring up social media attention as an example of women having it easier in dating.

A press of the thumbs up button or a one sentence compliment from a stranger online does not make women's standards go up.

BradenAnderson · 2024-05-05T21:27:04+00:00

Looking for relationships and looking for work are basically the same thing these days. Women and employers are in complete control and believe they are entitled to the “top” people. Not the most talented or respectful (despite claiming to want them), but those who look the most attractive to other people

I could go on and on about this; trust me

ppvremsleep · 2024-05-05T18:15:02+00:00

20% of single girls in your city have a dating app and instagram addiction. Eventually going on 100+ dates as a girl is not abnormal. Some girls go on multiple dates a day.
If you look cute and presentable in a swimsuit nearly every guy will swipe right and take you out. This is why so many girls are delusional and so picky.
There’s nearly as many women as men on dating apps. Women use it differently, pause their accounts, get on, swipe only the guys they want, then pause again. The other strategy is to let likes build up for few days, match with some guys she wants, then pause again.
Your total online persona she googles when you ask her out is more important than your 6 pictures to women. She tries to find your LinkedIn based on your job title. If she can’t find you or something doesn’t add up, or sees one goofy picture on social media she will bail. Girls are actually that picky.
Single girls who date are having more fun and sleeping around than most all guys realize, having multiple situationships at the same time, hookups, etc.
40% of girls that go on dates regularly won’t be using birth control and still sleep around.
All women are looking for some level and combination of attractive and successful. You can be a 3/10 guy with a yacht or 9/10 guy making 50k/yr most girls will find both acceptable for boyfriend. Girls can tend more to successful or hot as preference.
If a guy asks for a hookup, it means he doesn’t see her attractive enough to take the girl on a date.
Your personality doesn’t matter much unless you’re mean or totally stupid acting. She decides the moment she lays eyes on you whether she wants you or not.
5% of guys get 80% of the dates off dating apps and instagram. Top 5% of guys who get dates see them mostly as hookup opportunities, but don’t tell the girl that. Top guys on dating apps and instagram are unknowingly passing the same girls around and rack up many sexual partners.

ISupposeImCorrect · 2024-05-05T17:58:12+00:00

Women respect men they have casual with far more than men they get "committed" to.
Women respect their baby daddy more than step daddy 😂😂😂

Remote_Panic_3271 · 2024-05-05T18:54:47+00:00

Women want their cake and to eat it too. They are blatant hypocrites when it comes to dating

Known-Damage-7879 · 2024-05-05T20:56:47+00:00

I can only speak for the male perspective, but texting and communicating more is usually better. If you play it cool and wait a while she’ll either get bored or think you don’t like her.

I used to play it cool with texting and I ended up getting ghosted a lot. I found a lot more success with frequently texting.

TheInvincibleMan · 2024-05-05T23:07:26+00:00

When dating someone they’re serious about, women usually speak in high regard of their previous hook-ups. They don’t like to sound like they’ve made shallow choices, and often will compliment the majority of hook-ups they’ve had in the past based on looks/sex quality/ dick size etc.

Women usually do this to imply a level of experience and status and some men let this hurt their ego, feel hurt. It’s actually a very easy sign that the woman likely feels threatened and wants to assert some level of equal/higher value to herself.

If you almost ignore and act completely uninterested, it usually error 404’s them and the statements get more wild and/or they get more curious - because they’re so used to average men reacting which gives them a higher sense of value.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-05-05T18:30:34+00:00

1) men avoiding high body count women is insane and just shooting themselves in the foot.

2) sometimes if someone flakes, it has nothing to do with you. There is no perfect combination of words or game or anything which would’ve changed things. Some people are just flaky.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-05-05T17:59:55+00:00

Chemistry, can’t be planned, predictable or controlled.

Most of the time it happens when your still at the getting to know each other stage, friend of a friend etc. it’s rarely instant or builds over time, it’s at that stage where you know the persons name, maybe have known them for a while but don’t actually know much about them.

It also isn’t much to do with looks, income etc. it’s a click when that person moves a certain way or says something a certain way or even how they smell after saying something clever.

Thinking back myself, I’ve never fallen for a dude straight away, but he’d do something or say something that would have the whole group in hysterics and then he’d pause laughing to give me a look and that would be me done.

sweetestpineapple · 2024-05-05T18:29:47+00:00

Men don’t notice women they’re not attracted to unless they stand out as extremely unattractive. As an average looking woman who goes out somewhat frequently, I regularly see my more attractive friends get hit on every time and my less attractive friends get treated as annoyances while I blend in as completely neutral and get hit on once in a blue moon. People on here seem to think that ANY woman can have her pick of guys with zero effort.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-05-05T18:54:50+00:00

You can't logic your way in dating/relationships. Dating isn't some strategy game of do this and do this and get this back. And it's REALLY obvious when someone is trying to use pick up strategies (negging, dread game, push and pull) ( Sprinkle sprinkle, dusty etc) Dating is based upon feelings which can't be intellectualized. You can't logic how someone makes you feel. You can meet someone great on paper and it doesn't click. We are not robots and algorithms we are humans with varying complexities.

In the early stages of dating it is OKAY to date and talk to other people. You may have your main one that you like and want to see things through with. But you also have to keep your options open because things fall through so fast especially in modern dating. Notice how I said not sleeping with them. But to talk to other people because you may like one but they ghost/fade out. And you may like this other person more as you talk to them. No one is owed exclusivity in the early stages. This will also prevent you from getting sucked into something toxic or getting in too deep too soon.

Low effort dates are OKAY! A guy doesn't have to do dinner and a big extravagant planned date as a first date. I'd rather grab a cup of coffee and talk as a first date? Grab a pint. Low pressure first dates should be the norm. It doesn't set any expectations it's just talk in person see where it goes. And if there's nothing there no hard feelings if we both go out separate ways. Grabbing 50/50 on this kind of date is fine as well.

Dating without expectations. We tack so much into things working out with someone we are dating and it causes so much disappointment and becoming jaded. We tack so much into being "chosen" that it becomes more about the end result than the person. Dating without expectations kinda allows you to show up when you want how you want without pressure. You can't be disappointed if you don't expect much.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-05-05T19:28:34+00:00

Irl, men are way pickier with both casual sex and ltrs than men write on here. I've seen so many men reject women, and these men aren't Chads, over the stupidest sh**

TallFoundation7635 · 2024-05-05T18:30:19+00:00

Personality, likes, dislikes, Intelligence are all copes. Looks, finances, confidence, knowing how to talk to women and running through the numbers is all that matters as a man in the dating market.

As a man, you'd be stupid for not spinning plates. Especially if you are in the top 5 to 10 percent of men.

Also, for the love of andrew tate, do not talk about the red pill on any dates that you go on.

Belief in a higher power and having inner peace works wonders in the dating market.

abaxeron · 2024-05-05T18:59:19+00:00

"I love you" said by a man and by a woman mean two different things.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-05-05T20:43:06+00:00

It's ok to lead women on if they have unrealistic expectations or think they can change you.

untilfurthernotic3 · 2024-05-05T22:05:47+00:00

Attractiveness is not subjective for either gender and women’s sexual preferences are much narrower than men’s

ratboi34 · 2024-05-05T20:38:38+00:00

Cheating isn't always bad and can sometimes be very understandable.
Women are more jealous and controlling than men.
Women are mainly the ones who are perpetuating strict male gender roles.
Men are the ones who need to 'fight' for the abolition of strict male gender roles in relationships by having higher demands, like having their gfs buy them flowers (ladies, it's peony season rn), letting women take them out and demanding her to propose.
Many behaviours that would be called abusive when men did them in relationships are kind of normalized when women do them.
Men need to initiate divorce more often.
Many guys in here are unempathetic towards the female experience and when it comes to them being cautious towards strange men.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-05T17:45:13+00:00

Putting timeline expectations is a recipe for disaster.
Don't take response times personally. Our phones are on us constantly, which doesn't mean our minds are ready to engage. Even besties get left on read.
If dating feels like work. Take a break. Focus on a hobby on something, date yourself for a month.
Not everyone can articulate why... sometimes it's just "no".

GreatSmashPlayer · 2024-05-05T18:22:11+00:00

If you're a man, confidence and social skills are far more important than looks. Both the men and women here hate to hear this.

(The same is not true for women. If you're a physically unattractive woman, you're pretty much fucked until you fix that.)

Kizka · 2024-05-05T21:04:54+00:00

I disagree with number 4. I've met countless of dudes who I should want to be with on paper. Good looking, funny, kind, being able to hold a conversation, flirty enough to not be bland...but there was just no chemistry and sexual appeal. I can find a man handsome or even beautiful and still not feel sexually attracted to him and there's literally no reason at all.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-05-05T23:04:37+00:00

It really just comes down to luck. Some people are lucky and others aren’t. A lot of people have been in the right place at the right time. A lot of people with find their person later in life, some not at all.

Westernation · 2024-05-06T00:01:37+00:00

THIS.

Well written….!

We all know on some level that Reddit is the proverbial jerk-rag for those who don’t want to accept what’s right there in front of them. At least you’re laying it out plain as day. I agree with every word.

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-05-06T03:44:44+00:00

The biggest problem with dating is that women are only attracted to the same 10% of the men. If you are not in that group, you need to do everything right to have a chance. You never know when something you say or do is considered ick and a reason to reject you.

oooo020201lfl · 2024-05-06T04:11:40+00:00

As a man you are better served being an inconsiderate asshole than anything that could be construed as “he’s nice”

Legitimate_Reply_537 · 2024-05-06T06:41:56+00:00

For a man

Attraction and dating is 90% looks/height

So many men struggle with dating and can't work out why it's simple because they are ugly and or short.

Intrepid-Rip-2280 · 2024-05-06T06:50:29+00:00

Real relationships require a lot of commitment and dedication. Any relationships that were as light as in eva ai virtual gf bot app won't go through tough times.

Reno0vacio · 2024-05-06T06:51:24+00:00

I mean... obviously some people don't write back because they're not that interested in you, but personally as an extreme introvert...

if I'm "not in the mood" then sometimes I don't write back for days. If it's my girlfriend, it's the same... but obviously sooner or later we'll meet and talk in person anyway.

Us introverts often just don't have the social energy to write.

Muscletov · 2024-05-06T06:52:44+00:00

Traits, both mental and physical, can be very well ranked according to their overall attractiveness. Sure, outliers exist, but people are hardly as wholesome, mystic and individualistic in their preferenes as they believe. And I think it goes double for male traits because women are less diverse in their tastes and preferences than men, despite mainstream society claiming the direct opposite.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-05T18:44:53+00:00

Oh I thought of more...

Real-life experience is key. Don't build your entire worldview based off shit you see online.
Charlatans are gonna grift.
Take advice from married couples or people who are in long term relationships. Don't take advice from single men who aren't in relationships.
Offline is where the magic happens.

John-Nada_ · 2024-05-05T20:02:17+00:00

Women lie, but it’s not a lie, it’s self deception. Even if she’s telling you she doesn’t dress herself hot for other attractive men in the club, attractive men are still there and she still makes herself available.

While the guy wants to believe the lie and he trusts her blindly.

pudgypiglets · 2024-05-06T03:52:55+00:00

Women attract the treatment they think they deserve, regardless of anything else. If a woman has low self esteem and has a tendency to blame herself for the failings of others, or is a people pleaser and struggles to speak up for herself narcissistic men will sense it and be the ones to pursue a relationship.

Lauren Southern is a good example of this. She's a beautiful, intelligent, educated woman, yet her now ex-husband was a narcissistic abuser. It didn't matter how beautiful she was, how intelligent she was, how educated she was, how nice she was, her husband always tore her down and found fault in everything she did and dangled divorce over her head when he didn't get his way. These men will usually discard women when they find another target that is easier to manipulate and control and feed off of. Narcissists lose interest when they realize that they have no control over you anymore or there is someone else who is easier to control.

As a woman, the most important thing you can do is value yourself first. When you do, it's like a shield against narcissistic men.

The most difficult thing is realizing all of this when you are already married to a narcissist and to maintain everything you have to continue play a character and you have to take their abuse.

RubyDiscus · 2024-05-05T19:40:39+00:00

If he's not messaging you a lot, he's not interested or just playing you.
Men are like NPCs and eventually they all start sounding similar so you have to be ruthless and look for any red flags or just don't reply to the ones who seem boring or aren't good looking.
Don't continue messaging guys who you aren't into looks wise, it's going to be a huge waste of time
If the guy seems to lose interest at any point or complains about you in some way, move on and stop dating him.

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MelodicCrow2264 · 2024-05-05T18:36:49+00:00

2,3 4 and 6 I agree with completely OP, and have the same lived experience as well.

SDW137 · 2024-05-05T23:32:20+00:00

I personally don't think that #6 and #7 should be considered hot takes. Those are the 2 most important things to consider, especially on dating apps.

SevenLovedYouSoMuch · 2024-05-06T00:10:19+00:00

Being nice to women works better than being an asshole.

GH0STRIDER579 · 2024-05-06T00:31:28+00:00

It's a good idea to wait for marriage lol

thetruthishere_ · 2024-05-06T02:51:49+00:00

Actually being yourself.

That said, maybe do a little fake it till you make it but true colors ALWAYS come out.

Your fake self will end up being revealed.

FunkGetsStrongerPt1 · 2024-05-06T05:16:22+00:00

2 is just plain WRONG. I played guitar for four hours straight yesterday, then spent time with cousins for another three. Then spent two hours driving home - and that was on a Sunday.

I agree with all the others except #6, unless you're just talking about looks mattering a lot to men.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2024-05-06T07:42:34+00:00

Baggage is fairly normal as is thinking about exes from time to time. Apparently men are more likely to reach out to an ex than the boys when dealing with emotional issues. That's a bit too far though but it explains why so many people get back together.

Personally I feel I think least about exes when I'm with someone. I may have let some relationships go on too long because it helps to get over someone else.

Ecstatic_Edge5825 · 2024-05-06T08:02:12+00:00

2 is suuuper sketchy and does apply, but rarely. From my experience it pays to be patient. I’m talking to a girl right now who would wait a whole day to answer me the first 2 times we talked, but now she answers quickly when she has time and I’m planning on asking her out soon. In the past I’ve ruined a few good things with enormous response time induced insecurity.

Scarce12 · 2024-05-06T11:49:32+00:00

My hot take is: read John Gottman.

MasterTeacher123 · 2024-05-06T12:21:24+00:00

I’ve never seen good evidence of “racial loyalty” in dating, in the sense of people turning down better prospects in another race that are interested in them just to stay “loyal” to their race.

lovestocomment · 2024-05-06T14:15:16+00:00

There is no purple, black, yellow, or pink pill. And Red pill is part of the system of control.

Troublen421 · 2024-05-06T14:18:20+00:00

1) There are a much much higher proportion of women who aren't spoiled by hypergamy/social media/hivemind/hypersexuality than people lead on here

2) "Body Game" - or getting a chiseled physique is a tiny TINY part of the equation for women. see so many men lift only get men and zero women after them. women honestly do NOT give a shit about it unless they already like you.

GojosLowerHalf3 · 2024-05-05T20:13:35+00:00

Most of these requirements manosphere men think they have to have to get women are self imposed and dating statistics are mostly bs. Even toothless crackheads get women.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-05-05T17:46:43+00:00

All dating problems can be solved by lowering standards and managing expectations.

copingwithitsomehow · 2024-05-05T18:10:03+00:00

Handsome men don’t have it as easy as you think

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-05T18:00:25+00:00

Men are the prize and the choosers - if they just approached dating the right way. Women don't want to be the prize. They want to open their legs for the prize and for the man who chooses them!

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-05-05T19:06:34+00:00

I absolutely agree that everyone have their phone all the time. So unless you are sleeping or performing surgery it will never take so long to text back if you are intersted.

I disagree that everyone knows to reason to reject you. I literaly rejected people for ONLY the reason of missing spark, I really honestly don't know WHY, I just didn't FEEL it. So it's real. Maybe you would argue I just didn't want to tell them. But why wouldn't I tell now when they don't hear me. Missing spark was the real reason.

I think that it should be easy. If you find the right person and you have the spark, it should be effortless, you shouldn't calculate when to tet after a date, it should be effortless, it should flow naturally.

You shouldn't try to "self improve" to fit some mold. You should be yourself, of course try to be the best version of yourself. But based on your own unique values, not to fit some mold that the pill tells you. The goal is to find the right true match specificaly for you, not to have statisticaly highest change.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-05-06T06:05:02+00:00

He / She knows exactly why they don't want to continue dating you. Chemistry / spark / it's not you it's me is nice vaguieties.

Nope. I usually don't know why i have no feelings towards something. And it's not so detrimental that i would spend time and energy ruminating on the "why". We don't "click" and that's it. Especially when i barely know the person.

What's your dating hot take? Something you believe from your own dating experiences that this sub would typically disagree with?

Comments

2 is something that we all need to process and learn to accept.

2 is just plain WRONG. I played guitar for four hours straight yesterday, then spent time with cousins for another three. Then spent two hours driving home - and that was on a Sunday.

Title	What's your dating hot take? Something you believe from your own dating experiences that this sub would typically disagree with?
Author	PracticalCows
Upvotes	149
Comments	491
Date	May 5, 2024 5:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ckwp24/whats_your_dating_hot_take_something_you_believe/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-your-dating-hot-take-something-you-believe.1517465 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517465