Why do men crave romantic interest so much?

meisterkraus · 2024-12-29T19:13:33+00:00

There is a difference between choosing to be single and being single because no one wants to be with you.

When you are in the second group you want romantic interest to feel normal. It is like 97% of people get into at least one relationship.

ComfortableJeans · 2024-12-29T20:04:33+00:00

There are certain things the brain needs to be happy, due to the way male social structures are set up, they're not getting the level of connection they'd need outside of romantic relationships. Men just don't give that to one another. It won't change.

For the majority of men, they will only ever have a deep, vulnerable, sensitive, self-exposing connection with their romantic partner. Honestly, even that's lucky.

If you don't have a deep level of connection, you start to see a myriad of negative effects, from increased odds of high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, addiction, suicide, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer's disease, and so on.

So I get it, when they have literal needs that aren't able to be met and it's killing them, they can't just decide to be happy. The decision to be happy is one you make when you've gotten everything you need.

Isolation is terminal. And often, due to the way our society is structured, if we're being honest, by both men and women, even when surrounded by people, a lot of men can still be totally alone in any sense that's truly meaningful.

That being said, it's not as though women have an obligation to start dating lonely men that they're not into just to save them from this.

I'm just saying that these men aren't just fat little boys crossing their arms and pouting because no one has touched their penis and they're upsetti spaghetti. They're longing for a connection that they can't get anywhere else and is literally killing them.

But again, women can't really do much about that. They're not into those men. What are they going to do? Pity date someone? Fall in love out of pity? I doubt that's even possible.

There are men in horrible pain that can't seem to right it. And women can't really do anything to stop that pain without making things worse for themselves.

People will trivialize it, call it a need to show off the fact they've got a girlfriend, or refer to it as a childish whining for "comforting wetness and warmth of her vagina." (which I've seen before), but the reality is that most men grew up the way I did.

Working class, don't be a pussy, keep your mouth shut and be hard. And at least where I'm from, there are real social consequences for not meeting that standard. There will be the odd shit head, but the majority of them are longing for a connection that everyone else takes for granted and often doesn't appreciate the importance of and don't have the words to say it.

They're hurting. They have a need that they can't fulfill while living in a world that doesn't afford them the opportunity to have it fulfilled for them, and it's causing them pain. Pain that if not corrected will eventually do something horrible to them. Both mentally and physically.

People underestimate the importance of deep social connections. It is a literal NEED that humans evolved to have. Without it, we die awfully. Telling someone like this to "Just be happy" is akin to telling someone suffocating in a room with no oxygen to "Just breath." What they need in order to breath isn't available to them.

Just be happy isn't going to cut it.

igotbannedsoimback · 2024-12-29T18:40:38+00:00

Twice the amount of young Women consider themselves in a relationship compared to young men, clearly Women also have the desire to be coupled up, and are acting on it. So why is it problematic when men want the same thing?

flexible-photon · 2024-12-29T22:45:36+00:00

You know how women face problems that men will never understand due to biology? It's kind of like that.

LapazGracie · 2024-12-29T18:39:40+00:00

Human nature. We are programmed biologically to put tremendous emphasis on reproduction.

If we didn't the human race would have ceased to exist a long time ago.

Proudvow · 2024-12-29T18:59:15+00:00

Social support systems for the average man are simply not very good outside of relationships. People are not as affectionate towards or protective of men.

Also it can feel discriminatory when there are literally women out there with names like "NoShortMen4Me". Imagine feeling doomed to loneliness over a harmless genetic trait.

Perfect_Sir4820 · 2024-12-29T19:10:03+00:00

You're wondering why animals have an instinctual urge to reproduce? 🤦

SecondEldenLord · 2024-12-29T18:58:55+00:00

Because they crave something they barely have. Most men are extremely lonely, we live in a male loneliness epidemic and it is not taken seriously. Besides, who the hell likes to be lonely?

HTML_Novice · 2024-12-29T19:09:31+00:00

Biology, if a man can’t get a date or sex it’s in essence telling him that his genes aren’t worth propagating, that he’s a genetic line that deserves to die out, and in a existential way, completely worthless.

Women don’t understand this because they could always get someone to impregnate them and don’t have to compete to breed

stats135 · 2024-12-29T18:57:06+00:00

Women can't fathom it because women's sex drive pales in comparison to men's sex drive (regardless of how many women around these parts try to claim otherwise)

apexjnr · 2024-12-29T18:50:02+00:00

For the men that do care i'd argue it's because they recognise the reality of being lonely when it's no longer their choice and they see the women as people who will experience that reality later on in life.

They've also been pushed narratives that suggest their self worth is validated by the relationships they can get. So you might be able to imagine someone who seeks out relationships to prove their self worth might think it's insane to not want relationships in order to validate their existance because that's their specific nature.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-12-29T18:59:20+00:00

I am not sure but I think men feel naturally more attraction toward women. But the other way around isn't to the same extends

Also men have a fragile definition of masculinity. To be a man you have to prove yourself. You need to be a alpha who dominate other and get women. If not you're a loser

But I also know that in some community, women are pressured to get married young and have children or they are a failure

This kind of mentality is trully destroying people

Goonerlouie · 2024-12-30T01:43:59+00:00

I thought men couldnt ask other men a question here on this sub?

This is so obviously a mans created throwaway

Kreeps_United · 2024-12-30T12:41:12+00:00

Why do men feel that they must be coupled up or sexually active to enjoy life?

Humans enjoy meeting common human needs.

Why are homicidal incels even a thing?

Many reasons, none of them a justification, but maybe it's things like asking why they want something as common as romantic interest.

Next question: why do men want to eat every day?

izzzy12k · 2024-12-29T19:15:09+00:00

I think you'll find that more women are dating and getting that fulfillment, even if it's not long term.

Whilst many men have no prospects, or options to date, no matter what they try.. online or otherwise.

It's like how you'll see that most posts talking about how sex and dates are so abundant and easy to find, are made by women and not men.

krmaml · 2024-12-30T03:16:11+00:00

Because "single" women aren't exactly single

We are comparing apples to oranges.

Women can be single and still have an active sex life, still date men casually, do hookups, short term flings, situationships and fuck buddies. They can easily meet their needs for sex, intimacy, male companionship, attention, validation despite being single via various casual connections.

Being single for men means celibacy and zero positive interactions with the opposite sex.

Until we compare apples to apples - single men with celibate women who have completely cut off men - we aren't being honest about this

Gravel_Roads · 2024-12-29T18:46:05+00:00

It's not about "romance", I think it's just because more men tend to have smaller (or non-existent) social circles these days. Usually, these men have lacking social skills or are introverted, which makes it hard for them to 1.) make new friends and 2.) keep old friends in steady communication.

I think the dudes you see putting so much pressure on "romantic" relationships are probably for a few reason:

1.) They know their current friendships aren't very close, so they want something "deeper".

2.) They know their current friendships are fleeting, so they want something with a more obvious "commitment".

3.) They just want to fuck, but the idea of a woman "casting him aside" after sex makes them feel worse and more lonely.

4.) Magical thinking. They think a "romantic" relationship will "fix them" in ways friendships and family can't.

5.) They want something to blame for their unhappiness, so they blame their lack of romance as the source, rather than have to look within at why they struggle to feel close to other human beings.

N0b0dy-Imp0rtant · 2024-12-29T19:26:50+00:00

I care deeply about having a companion. Something in me craves to be wanted and needed, loved and to share experiences and intimacy.

I was married 33yr until my entire life imploded and while the divorce itself was a very easy decision the most difficult aspect of it has been waking up alone, eating alone, being alone for long stretches of time, going days without speaking to anyone including my adult kids.

I am fine “being alone” as in not with my ex wife because I cannot trust her which made the separation and divorce easier than some people have it but it hasn’t lessened my drive to share.

I have found friends, great friends and we talk, hang out some and plan future trips but it isn’t the same at all. It’s fun, fulfilling but doesn’t provide the same feelings of comfort and safety that a true partner does.

the_1st_inductionist · 2024-12-29T20:03:33+00:00

This is a human thing, not a man vs woman thing. But sex with someone who shares your highest values is a really great experience, part of what makes life worth living. And pursuing it, at least, is important for your self-esteem. If you think you’re worthy of happiness and life, then you’re going to think you’re worthy of finding someone to worthy to have sex with and being chosen by someone worthy.

Technical-Minute2140 · 2024-12-29T20:44:01+00:00

It really boils down to “men and women are just different.” Women don’t have to be alone, that’s why they can be happier alone. But if a man is alone and doesn’t want to be, it’s much more of a struggle. Women know they are valued by the opposite sex their entire lives, even if it’s bad. Men don’t get to experience that same level of validation and being desired. We’re also just hornier, plain and simple.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-12-29T21:19:36+00:00

So my question is why?

Biology.

icxcnika1 · 2024-12-29T22:24:58+00:00

How can you go through life not understanding basic human nature

Jetpine9 · 2024-12-29T18:52:04+00:00

It's cultural conditioning from practically the beginning of history. In the bible you are commanded to go forth and multiply. (the reason being so that the dominant tribe can stay on top, because having more numbers = more power back then). It was the sin of Onan for men to masturbate. Even in the Victorian Era, when religion had lost its hold somewhat, a man was considered incomplete w/o a woman, who was considered his spiritual superior. Cut to modern times and I believe the cultural legacy of that still survives in that men are considered utilitarian and women are considered more fully human.

It is like people say; women (to some degree) are worthy of love just for being, men are worthy of love only if they prove themselves worthy. And this message is hammered home in all kinds of ways that amount to something like shunning men if they don't prove themselves worthy (and the measure of that is approval by women, or possibly outstanding material success). Men are dammed; guilty until proven innocent/redeemed/loved.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2024-12-29T18:53:25+00:00

Because the desire to reproduce is a basic thing and can even be classified as a need (especially considering that many animal species even neglect their own safety and life just for the sake of reproduction).

For us, as higher mammals, the process of reproduction is much more complex and is a full-fledged process of finding a partner for long periods of time. Humans as a species, if anything, are natural serial monogamists.

So there is nothing surprising in the desire of men and women for relationships.

And if you seriously believe that women do not crave romantic relationships, then you better stop taking into account the stupid false nonsense from the research section^ "Single women are happier than single men." These myths have long been dispelled and the only thing that can be argued here is that, on average, men have a higher libido due to higher testosterone levels

DzejSiDi · 2024-12-30T02:17:51+00:00

After reading through this sub, I now understand why men think it’s an insult to say that a woman will be “forever alone” or become a “cat lady”. They cannot fathom that an adult person can be happy if they are not in a romantic relationship.

You have reading comprehension issue, plus from manosphere alone, check out MGTOW.

Men will chase after a relationship and intimacy, and will enter a state of despair if they do not get it. Many times becoming destructive to themselves and/or others.

Some do, some don't.

I’ve even just read a post where the comments were filled with those claiming that they would go insane if they do not have sex often.

Yes, and all men through history were like that, LOL.

Why do men feel that they must be coupled up or sexually active to enjoy life?

...how about, for example, you check antidepressants usage per sex, age and marital status in USA? When it comes to being coupled, are even you asking proper sex?

MyUpSeemsDown · 2024-12-29T19:59:24+00:00

Lol same reasons as to why women crave love and intimacy. It's part of our general being, men now days just have harder time finding it or have next to 0 experience of it even.

philseven12 · 2024-12-29T20:18:02+00:00

Intimacy and validation is more easily accessible to women.

Women then impose their psychology unto men who are in a totally different situation, and act surprised why dudes are thirsty

_Swans_Gone · 2024-12-29T21:26:22+00:00

I'm wondering this too. I guess we'll never know.

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2024-12-30T01:23:26+00:00

I would say that a lot of men just want an emotional connection with a woman (without all the romantic and sexual stuff). That's why many of us will either seek out women to have as friends or accept friendship from women who reach out to us. We want women we can talk to, spend time with and enjoy the company of.

Such men aren't necessarily "missing out" on romance and sex, because they don't want those things from the female friends in their lives in the first place.

I know that FWB is a thing, but I would dare say that many men don't even want that.

One_Job9692 · 2024-12-30T11:05:21+00:00

Agreed. We as men need to get better at being alone. We're far to desperate and available.

Spirited_Cod260 · 2024-12-30T12:55:30+00:00

I don't believe that people can be happy alone. I work with quite a few older single/divorced/widowed women. They're fully functional and live decent lives but they're really not happy.

Stock-Argument-1040 · 2024-12-30T13:24:23+00:00

I think being desired is a fundamental want/need for most people. I don't just mean romantically desired but also just people wanting you around, desiring your presence. I think for people who don't feel desired they look to the most obvious example of being desired as the thing that's missing.

Nihi1986 · 2024-12-30T21:02:21+00:00

Already very good answers here but I just want to add that your statement about lonely women isn't true, and you probably know it. Most women I know (over 30) are far from happy being single and far from not caring or ignoring men. I even know many who date non stop in the hopes that someone sticks.

As other people pointed out, though, the main difference is that women at least 'chose' to be single (or to not settle) while lonely men feel like they don't even have options.

catdog8020 · 2024-12-31T01:11:39+00:00

Because it’s a soft guy era. lol 😝

catdog8020 · 2024-12-31T01:18:18+00:00

Why do men feel they must be coupled up or sexually active to be happy? I wish for one day you could see what hell it is to be a man and a slave to your hormones. It’s not fun at all - I can understand why some men become eunuchs in the past - now that may the only way to true happiness lol 😝

wtknight · 2024-12-29T18:56:13+00:00

It's because men are competitive with each other, and the men who can't attract women know that they are very low in the pecking order of men.

SituacijaJeSledeca · 2024-12-29T19:03:15+00:00

Depends on the man. I am looksmaxxing currently not because I want romantic interest, but because I want to be a hook up guy. Women are emotionally unstable and dont bring anything besides beauty and sex into relationships, so might as well go for hook ups.

Romance died for me in elementary school when girls abused me since I was quiet nerd and no one punished them for the behavior, thats when I started to be vary of women. I had my "kinda would like to be in relationship" phase that lasted until 22 when I started going out with good looking men, saw what was happening, eventually found redactedpill and now there is no going back.

EetinAintCheetin · 2024-12-29T19:42:48+00:00

Two major reasons.

The first one is social conditioning/brainwashing. We are bombarded all of our lives since we were born with songs, movies, tv shows and poems with men singing “I can’t live without you baby” and “all you need is love, love is all you need” and a million other similar messages telling us love is the most important thing in the world. Corporations figured out long ago that they can leverage a man’s high sex drive to make him chase after women and as a by-product push the society forward. They advertise cars and expensive watches by including hot women, subconsciously telling men: work hard to obtain the car and the watch and the career so you can get the ultimate prize: the hot girl!

The second major reason is that many men lack a rite of passage ceremony which is designed to have them face their fears and find their purpose in life. Many men lack purpose and therefore they lack a source of happiness and fulfillment that isn’t women. And when they lack purpose, they naturally gravitate towards women (mommy) to make them feel needed.

wixenus · 2024-12-29T21:48:08+00:00

Lack of sexual validation is my most prominent guess. Because naturally women have much more SMV, and because of that, most of the time, they don't need to prove that they are a good sexual candidate. Men, on the other hand, need to prove that they are a good sexual candidate via various methods, basically they need to be picked by a woman they are attracted to (or not, i will not elaborate). Men have much more selection pressure on them. And that pressure is the culprit of why men crave sexual and romantic interest so much. And that pressure is normal, because it is not just us humans, most of the male members of most species also feel that pressure too, and the urgency and the importance of being picked drives us into achieving things, becoming better, more attractive, more respected. It's an internal drive that is gifted to us by the process of evolution.

JonMyMon · 2024-12-29T23:21:16+00:00

Woman don’t find “forever alone” to be an insult? Huh.

How many little girls grow up without any desire for love?

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-12-29T20:47:31+00:00

Yes, the “cat lady” prophecy is akin to religious anathemas: an empty treat, getting more ludicrous the more time goes by.

Women don’t depend financially on men anymore, and emotionally they haven’t for a long time.

Women create and cherish their friendship circles and are used to share more about their emotions with them, something men are used only to do with their partners, which often bring to other misunderstandings, with men mistaking a platonic friendship from a woman as romantic interest.

It looks more and more like men search a relationship because they (feel like they) need to, women because they want to.

There are countless stories of western European boomers who lost their shit entirely when they became widowers or got divorced and fell for gold diggers from the former bloc, just because they depended so much on their spouse they weren’t even able to wipe their butt without her.

So, threats of a lonesome future are just projection: women will be fine with their girlfriends, their cats, their travel and as much casual sex as they want if they ever wish. Men, once alone will probably stay stuck between rage, bargaining and depression.

Life’s hard, making the least worst out of it is certainly more productive than threatening people who will laugh back as they’re having the best of their lives

Master-Watercress567 · 2024-12-29T21:00:57+00:00

You're a troll

giveuporfindaway · 2024-12-30T02:44:27+00:00

Women don't realize they are fish swimming in water. They have no idea what water is.

That is until they're leave that environment.

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2024-12-29T21:56:34+00:00

Because the overwhelming majority of men lack platonic intimacy, meaning they need to turn to a romantic partner in order to get it.

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Gary_Longbottom · 2024-12-30T02:27:22+00:00

There's going to be enormous sampling bias on this sub and the Internet at large.

GKilat · 2024-12-30T07:11:34+00:00

Men usually has high libido and the need for release regularly. That's basically why men have the need to be sexually active and some are not content with just porn or fantasizing because they want the real thing.

Personally, fantasizing is as good as the real thing for me if you can immerse yourself in it. The best part is you can fantasize any woman, real or fictional, with no commitment whatsoever and even make up temporary romantic relationship with them to truly immerse yourself. That fulfills intimacy and need for sexual release without bothering anyone.

Although I believe there are men that genuinely wanted a companion and make their life less lonely, it's hard to justify that when we can form friendship around us regardless of gender. In the end, all men wanted sex in a romantic relationship and a simple friendship can never be enough.

Schleudergang1400 · 2024-12-30T08:28:06+00:00

selection bias of your sample.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-12-30T17:04:56+00:00

hummm….at my age now, if all i had was casual sex once or twice a month with no commitment, i’d probably be ok with that.

been down the relationship emotion intimacy road too many times its exhausting at times.

Mountain_Sand3135 · 2024-12-30T18:21:14+00:00

"They cannot fathom that an adult person can be happy if they are not in a romantic relationship." simply not true you didnt read enough. Its the ladies that are in the late 30-40s that want a millionaire , 6 foot tall, 6 package and think that they should be preferred over some 20s something . THAT is what men are referring to buy a cat .

Men and women are different ...sex is important its that simple even "coupled" without sex is not welcomed

MEN AND WOMEN are different

DoinIt989 · 2024-12-31T05:42:08+00:00

There's a lot of pressure for men to be in romantic relationships that women cast aside. Men get the same amount of pressure from parents, relatives, family friends, etc. to "settle down" and be in a relationship. Also, men who are single past a certain age are seen as literally dangerous by society in a way that older single women are not.

Klutzy_Charge9130 · 2024-12-31T19:15:16+00:00

It’s like when people say “money isn’t everything”.

Go ask anyone what success means. I reckon you’ll get a lot of “good job” “big house” etc etc.

People will say that you should be happy being single and “work on yourself”. However, people use sexual/romantic interest as a proxy for value and no matter how perfect you are, SOCIETY will judge you based on those countable data. It’s hard to count “happiness” or “enlightenment” and it’s hard to count “human value” it’s easy to count dollars and sexual partners.

silverhippo15 · 2024-12-29T23:03:31+00:00

These are all categorically female traits. It’s women who can’t cope with it. So why are relationships the only purpose in women’s lives?

Own_Employee_526 · 2024-12-29T20:42:26+00:00

you know how cats like to push things over for no reason? You know how universally women are attracted to masculine traits like confidence and strength? It's pure animal instinct. You don't know why you do it. You just do.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-12-30T03:12:30+00:00

Older alone cat ladies aren't happy, they just have to convince themselves they are. Having love and someone who is always there for you is better than not having it.

SnooHesitations2928 · 2025-01-04T22:29:40+00:00

I've been so severely bullied my entire life. Bullies almost killed me when I was in 3rd grade. I can honestly say that I am a misfit.

Love and affection can be pleasant bonuses in life. I don't blame anyone for wanting something positive. However, these are things largely outside of the control of an individual. You can not make or convince a person to care about you. There is no point in caring about what you can not control.

I've lived a life of mostly ostracism. I find the cruelty I've exclusively known makes me unconcerned about other people. There's no point in being bitter.

James_M_Croft · 2025-01-13T13:56:29+00:00

Men don't crave.

Men crave sexual interest.

It is impossible to have a good life for a man without sex.

Check it yourself, every few weeks a new girl asks "would you rather be a hobo with sex or a billionaire without sex" the answer is always the option with sex. Money, wealth, status, power, etc. They are just means to get sex. Because sex is a requirement to happiness for men. You can be unhappy while having sex, sure, but you cannot be happy without sex without some serious health issues, or some serious use of hard drugs.

jtinian · 2024-12-29T22:41:41+00:00

Men will chase after a relationship and intimacy, and will enter a state of despair if they do not get it. Many times becoming destructive to themselves and/or others.

And even some stating that life is not worth living if they do not have a girlfriend :/

Weak mental and possibly insane men. They don't need to procreate at all. We don't want more of them running around.

It's not "men craving romantic interest so much" it's chronically single men inadvertently amplifying how undesirable they are. There's something seriously wrong with you if you can't find someone to love you or have sex with you.

left_hand_jan · 2024-12-29T18:47:38+00:00

Only low-test men do. More testosterone mutes your emotions and boosts your violence.

Title	Why do men crave romantic interest so much?
Author	NoShortMen4Me
Upvotes	96
Comments	560
Date	December 29, 2024 5:54 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hp1hsr/why_do_men_crave_romantic_interest_so_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-men-crave-romantic-interest-so-much.1539842 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539842

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