When a girl says she loves you, what she loves is what you do for her, how you make her feel and the lifestyle she's able to participate in by being with you.

Taraa_Sitaraa · 2023-04-19T15:43:13+00:00

Will you stay in a relationship with her If she doesn't have sex with you, disrespects you, doesn't contribute in the household chores? Most men I know will leave a woman like this.

Perrenekton · 2023-04-19T14:28:29+00:00

This post makes me realize some people here are really way too deep in their bubble

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-04-19T16:17:37+00:00

I don't understand what it means to love someone if you exclude their actions and how they make you feel. That's literally...how we experience other people, by interacting with them and having an emotional response to those interactions. What else is there? Besides looks, I guess, but even attraction is a physiological response which is a "feeling" at the end of the day.

plplokokplok · 2023-04-19T14:02:02+00:00

Dude this is just all human relationships. If you can't add value to someone's life then they won't keep you in it.

relish5k · 2023-04-19T14:18:43+00:00

How do you disentangle who a person is from their actions?

Isn’t the point of finding a partner to find someone who, by virtue of their actions - how they live their lives and treat you - makes your life better?

You’re looking for a partner to share a life with not a deity to worship.

If you love someone because they are smart, kind, and funny, does it not entail that that person would make prudent decisions, treat you well and make you laugh?

onirroc · 2023-04-19T13:25:55+00:00

Some of us are with women who continue to love us when we are a burden and give them nothing.

Get_Cheersed · 2023-04-19T16:18:49+00:00

My lady has been with me from when I had nothing. When I had nothing to give her in terms of materialistic things. And what a lovely lady she is, very beautiful and accomplished. I am truly lucky and can say there are ladies out there who will love you for who you are as a person, not what you can give them.

And in return for her loving me while having nothing, I would truly lay my life down for her if need be and will go to any lengths to give her what she deserves

toasterchild · 2023-04-19T13:49:25+00:00

Whoever told you unconditional love was a thing lied to you. Maybe it exists in some form for children but I have seen much evidence that isn't necessarily true either. You aren't loving your girlfriend for some altruistic, unconditional reasons either.. it's also about how she makes you feel and what she provides for you. What she is providing may or may not be financial or whatever but when it dries up long enough so will your love. If you don't think so then you are fooling yourself.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-04-19T14:07:50+00:00

When a girl says she loves you, what she loves is what you do for her, how you make her feel and the lifestyle she’s able to participate in by being with you.

So when you’re in love with someone they don’t make you feel any kind of way? Maybe you’re not in love…

Vronicasawyerredsded · 2023-04-19T14:21:41+00:00

If someone treats you poorly and makes you feel bad, why would anyone want to continue the relationship with that person????

Everyone is inherently unique at an intimate level. No two people are exactly the same. So, if your girlfriend has committed to you, she inherently believes that you are unique. Otherwise she’d just choose anyone.

What you seem considerate “love” or someone loving you in a romantic relationship is what some people would call “unconditional love”.

Which doesn’t exist and shouldn’t in romantic partnerships.

The closest to unconditional love a person can have is between parent and their offspring.

Also, it is possible to still have great affection and love for someone, but from a very very far distance because having that person in your life is like poison.

I love my ex-husband, as a human being who was once a very important part of my life. I care about his well being and hope for his happiness because we share children and shared so many experiences.

However, having an sort of meaningful relationship with him is noxious for my life and caused too much unhappiness so he’s not allowed to participate anymore.

bifewova234 · 2023-04-19T13:57:40+00:00

The way the post is titled, grammatically this is claiming that it applies to every case. ("When a girl says she loves you, what she loves is [...]")

You walk back this claim at the end of the post, saying it only applies to some girls ("This isn't to say all women are like this")

You must make a more specific claim to argue against. It looks like youre merely claiming that some women do that. There are billions of women. Of course some of them do that. So what?

Willow-girl · 2023-04-19T14:23:06+00:00

And of course your love for her and pure and holy, and has nothing to do with that little thing she does with her tongue ...

gymbronyc718 · 2023-04-19T14:15:11+00:00

What you are saying is that YOU don't believe you are lovable as you are.

Safinated · 2023-04-19T14:19:43+00:00

How is this different and less moral than how men love women?

By your own standards, most men don’t love women, or at least do not love any differently than women love men

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12lgrwm/men_using_women_for_their_bodies_is_basically_the/

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12d1u40/if_it_wasnt_for_sex_most_men_would_not_bother/

And we’re all just mewling babies anyways, right? https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12nzy3y/most_people_are_just_children_in_adult_bodies/

Steakman1 · 2023-04-19T14:30:48+00:00

You could easily argue the same for men. If their partner stopped having sex, didn’t contribute around the home, didn’t do certain things that make men’s lives easier, etc. they would stop loving their partner. If a man’s partner stopped doing things for him, stopped making him feel like a man, and wasn’t very fun to be around, he would probably stop loving her.

Love isn’t unconditional. Guys like to tell women how the idea of unconditional love doesn’t really exist. Yet, it seems like you’re almost arguing it does but only from men. So I’m not sure why this should be a hard pill to swallow for men. You took a completely normal thing and put a highly negative twist on it in your post to make it seem like women are worse than men and that they are the only people who love conditionally. Like yeah, how dare women actually want to feel positive emotions from their partner. How dare women want a partner that does nice things for them. How dare that women have an issue with me coming home from work and gaming the rest of the night even though I’m a nice person.

Women want a partner that makes their lives better and so do men. This isn’t a hot take. You can be a good looking, funny guy that does a bunch of volunteering at a children’s hospital. But if you pay little attention to her and basically just live with her like a roomate, she probably will stop loving you eventually. And it would be the same if the roles were reversed.

And whether you’re a man or woman, if the idea of actually doing nice things for your partner and making them feel good is a burden and makes you resentful, I would question how much you actually love your partner. To maintain a relationship you have to do more than just be a decent person and look decent. Being in a relationship requires effort and labor. And if you do not put in that effort and labor, the relationship will fail. I don’t understand how that is or should be a hard pill to swallow for anybody. Your post seems lacking of real life experience if not disingenuous.

shestammie · 2023-04-19T15:53:18+00:00

It’s hilarious how men will say this and then in their next online rant go on about how women only like deadbeat fuckboys who couldn’t hold down a job if it flew up their ass

And yes, it’s the same men saying the same shit. Which is it dude? Do women like providers? Or ChAdS?

zi_ang · 2023-04-19T14:43:33+00:00

Em no. It’s clear that girls often fall in love for someone “for himself”, typically with nice appearance and unique personality though.

Guys who say “women just want money” are coping. They would rather attribute themselves being single to being poor (which they have a chance to change), rather than being short/ugly.

AngeCruelle · 2023-04-19T13:39:09+00:00

OP you've done similar posts multiple times. The answers aren't changing.

So what is this really about? What information and responses are you looking for?

1Here4Bach · 2023-04-19T13:36:37+00:00

How many males do you think would love their girlfriends and wives if they stopped have sex with them and never had sex with them again?

Love is not unconditional nor should it be. Depending on a person’s patience, some people can maintain love for a long time without their effort being reciprocated. Other people’s love will die within weeks if their need and wants aren’t being met efficiently.

But everyone — male and woman — has an inner timeline in which if they’re no longer getting standards met — they’re out.

anon018274031 · 2023-04-19T14:42:22+00:00

This is so wrong.

I was with a guy who provided everything I wanted (and more) but his personality changed and I stopped loving him.

If it was what he could provide that I loved then I wouldn’t have fallen out of love, because that aspect didn’t change

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-19T16:28:07+00:00

but….. isn’t that the case for both sides? i mean, isn’t romantic love especially derived from how y’all make each other feel, what you do to each other and the kind of life you build for each other?

stop acting like men love unconditionally cause it’s not true….. romantic love is conditional on both ends and it probably should be conditional to an extent - frankly i think it only actually becomes a problem when the “condition” relies on surface level arrangements, ie. primarily validation, material gain, etc (which yes… those happen, but they’re becoming less and less common)

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-04-19T13:51:50+00:00

This is is so wrong. I’ve been with my husband 10 years. I have outearned him the whole time. He earned so little in 2020 due to Covid and cancer that he was considered a dependent for tax purposes. I do appreciate what he does for me, and the way he takes care of my dad and helps with my daughter - more than her own father does, quite frankly. But I love him because that is part of who he is - not just for me, but for anyone in need. He befriended the elderly double amputee next door and ran errands and went shopping and even cleaned bedpans. He is great with babies and animals. He is an excellent athlete. I respect and admire these qualities and they are part of why I love him. They aren’t things that benefit me personally, but I love them about him.

ilovesoundtracks · 2023-04-19T16:57:13+00:00

Briffault’s law:

“the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”

Briffault continues with these three corollaries to his law:

Even though a woman has accrued past benefits from her relationship with a man, this is no guarantee of her continuing the relationship with him. (Translation: What have you done for me lately?)

If a woman promises a man to continue her relationship with him in the future in exchange for a benefit received from him today, her promise becomes null and void as soon as the benefit is rendered. (“I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.“)

A man’s promise of a future benefit has limited ability to secure a continuing relationship with a woman, and his promise carries weight with her only to the extent that the woman’s wait for the benefit is short and to the extent that she trusts him to keep his promise.

baresquad · 2023-04-19T14:19:22+00:00

Misery loves company and this sub is evident of that in how men consistently tear down other men.

It’s not a hard pill to swallow, it’s actually just sad. It’s sad that you want other men to be as pessimistic as you. You’ve never felt loved by a woman so you’re convinced that it’s impossible and now your mission is to convince others that it’s also impossible for them because ultimately, you want to bring them down.

Shit is pathetic.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-19T13:48:03+00:00

In contrast to what? How else are you displaying "yourself and your uniqueness" to others besides your actions, which make them feel things and change their lifestyle if they choose to share it with you? Who loves someone else who provides nothing that they can get out of it (even just nice feelings)?

Iluvalmonds83 · 2023-04-19T15:31:46+00:00

When a man says he loves you, what he really loves is what you provide for him/what value you add to his lifestyle. OP’s point about human mating strategy is not gender specific. Both men and women usually love their mating partners conditionally, and for good reason.

True Unconditional love is usually seen in a parent/child relationship, not in romantic ones.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-04-19T13:49:40+00:00

This isn't to say all women are like this, maybe some women reading this post aren't like this. But the fact still remains that many women are like this

This is very different from what you said in the title. This will probably confuse people.

Either you understand that some people from either gender are shitty, and you just... y'know. Screen for shitty people and don't share your life with them. OR... you think women as a demographic are self-serving in ways that men AREN'T. (And you'd have a hard time arguing there aren't just as many shitty men who only value women for their looks and fertility.)

Otherwise, this is just a post that says "some people suck" which... isn't... all that revolutionary, you should hopefully have learned that in Kindergarden when you were taught to ignore shitty people and not give them attention. (Which is the opposite of what this post is doing, frankly.)

iamprosciutto · 2023-04-19T16:03:41+00:00

Who i am heavily influences what i do for my partner, how I make her feel, and the lifestyle we share as borderline vagabonds. I am not rich. We have lived at her mom's house before. I have been out of work while she was working and going to school. Those have been some of our lowest points, yet she loved me through them as I did her.

We have totally changed our long-term plans twice now in order to adapt to a changing world. She knows things will not be easy for us for a long time, and that's if our plan goes smoothly. I encourage her to grow, improve herself, stand up for herself, and be strong in a world of predatory weak people. She likes the changes that she has made in herself with my support.

I know my partner loves me for who I am. You need to learn how to pick better women

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-04-19T13:44:49+00:00

Please, men, dont think this is true. Cause it is not. If you are a good man and you treat her right, she will truly love you. Even if you lose some things. Woman love deeply. Of course, there are exceptions, but the majority isn't like that.

wtknight · 2023-04-19T13:52:08+00:00

She doesn't actually love you for your self and uniqueness, but what she gets from being with you

There are women who are with artists who don’t make much money and whom they don’t get much from. I’m guessing that these women like these men’s unique personalities.

But of course most women want a man who can provide. However, confidence and ambition are a part of personality.

If a woman suddenly couldn’t sex with a guy, most men would leave her too, despite her personality not having changed. Does this mean that men don’t like women for who they are either? Men and women are the same in this sense. They just value different things.

Anxious_Adult123 · 2023-04-19T14:06:36+00:00

Isn't it same for men?? I believe everyone is loved with conditions.

Guys love women in expectations of certain things from her! Woman reciprocate the same feelings. When a guy is with a woman, he'll expect a reasonable amount of physcial intimacy from her! And there will be situation where she might not be able to give it to you- stress of life, illnesses etc. But not all men gives up on her immediately. Same applies with women, let's say in case of a man lost his job and is entirely depended on his woman. I don't think most woman will leave this guy immediately. But if the woman with holds intimacy for too long without any proper reasons or the guy don't try to get back to his feet or not even try to support his wife in whichever way possible, these people will lose intrest in their partners.

Parents-children, husband-wife...all are loved and values under certain reasonable expectations. Women are not the exception nor sinful for doing so!!

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-04-19T14:14:01+00:00

What exactly is it you're looking for here? You're posting the same thing over and over.

siempreloco31 · 2023-04-19T14:49:12+00:00

I think you should start with the mind-body problem here

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-04-19T17:49:11+00:00

I remember hearing someone say that men can’t be themselves around a woman otherwise they wouldn’t need to have “game”. I heavily agree women do not love men unconditionally otherwise there would be almost no divorces. There’s nothing wrong with that but women love believing in the fallacy of unconditional love.

Incel_Finder · 2023-04-19T14:10:37+00:00

This is the same sort of tenet in the red pill as "she's not yours, it's just your turn"

Total nonsense.

Larcie1996 · 2023-04-19T17:16:19+00:00

OP is a clown.

side2sidee · 2023-04-19T13:38:05+00:00

You don’t know shit about women bro, I’m not even trying to come off in a rude way but you don’t know what you’re talking about. So many things wrong with this post.

Not sure who hurt you but women are capable of loving just as much as men can.

iwasbornabat · 2023-04-19T15:27:29+00:00

Mate, that's what most relationships are, romantic or otherwise, with the possible exception of some family and real long-term friendships. We may indeed love other people, but a good part of that love naturally comes from what others do for us, how they make us feel, and that includes romantic partners. Could you love someone who treats you like shit? Who makes you feel small and insignificant? Most likely not. So is your love "fake? Do you love others only because of what they do for you? Also most likely not. That's just a natural component of how love comes to be.

Moreover, do you honestly think only women act this way? Couldn't the same be said for men? After all, don't many men leave their partners when things get rough? For one, men are proven to be more likely to leave their partners when they have cancer.

Also, as someone else has pointed out, you seem to have posed similar questions multiple times. I don't think you're here to actually have your view challenged, but I'd love to be proven wrong..

roshhe · 2023-04-19T13:45:44+00:00

You sound bitter.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-04-19T14:02:42+00:00

Women have far too many choices to settle for a man they don’t like or care about. Too many choices to settle for a man they don’t respect and want to talk to. And very few men make enough money and have enough charisma and charm to snare a shallow, superficial woman.

SnooChipmunks3163 · 2023-04-19T16:08:41+00:00

Is it wrong though? She loves you because you are being a good partner. I believe there is something wrong with women when she chooses a partner that treat her badly

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2023-04-19T16:33:10+00:00

No-one loves anyone for their "self and uniqueness". All you know about another person is their action and how they make you feel so that wouldn't even make sense.

RadicalAzrael · 2023-04-19T16:38:42+00:00

I have met many girls who are what you’ve described. They aren’t my type lol.

I’m with someone who’s genuinely authentic and unique to herself. Gorgeous and just so happy and silly.

We both fell in love with each other because we weren’t afraid of being different from our stereotypical backgrounds.

With that- we have a shared struggle with many goals together. Oh and she comes from a better off background than me 😎

Supreme_Salt_Lord · 2023-04-19T16:48:24+00:00

Buddy that is NOT true. Some women are like this just like some guys only like women for being pretty or fit. Overall humans like humans for who they are. This is the only way people build healthy relationships.

MistyMaisel · 2023-04-19T17:04:02+00:00

Honestly dude, I'm still waiting for you to define the difference between "yourself and your uniqueness" and "what a woman gets from being with you, what you provide, your lifestyle, how you make her feel". Are you not the things you do? If you cease to behave in certain ways have you not changed who you are as a person.

DelightfulDonut · 2023-04-19T17:05:01+00:00

Saying this is exclusive to women is dishonest. I we go that route we can also say men love women by how they make them feel (a man must feel physically attracted, for example), what they do for them (service them by cooking for them, for example)

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2023-04-19T19:04:14+00:00

My old man had nothing, literally noting when we got together. There was noting else but him to love.

I don't really think that very many women are like this, no more than I believe that men are like this.

Most couples that I know have had nothing at some point in their lives, maybe some people need that to know who really loves them, but I think most of us know if we are truly loved or not by our partners.

BCmutt · 2023-04-19T19:11:40+00:00

Wait so you thought all this time that a random woman is simply gonna unconditionally be obsessed with you for no reason?

Enough_Chemistry3258 · 2023-04-19T19:13:07+00:00

Some women really do just love you for you. I know its super rare to find these days but it does exist. There are nice non superficial girls that have love to give out there.

McDonaldsCrewBoi · 2023-04-19T20:32:16+00:00

I really hope you can find someone to love because aside from all the sad purple pill posts you seem really interesting

khatchewer · 2023-04-19T20:48:40+00:00

Don't let them gaslight you. You are right.

OpiumTraitor · 2023-04-19T22:11:39+00:00

Lol I knew this was posted by Jax without even looking. Jax, what is your experience like with women to come to all of your interesting conclusions? Have you been in any LTRs before?

WilliamWyattD · 2023-04-19T22:11:52+00:00

It's true that men and women are different, and what attracts them to a partner is different. But from a certain perspective, you break down any kind of feeling into something that is ultimately about self-interest.

I mean men love how a woman makes them feel too. How her looks arouse him. How heroic he feels providing for or protecting her. Etc. Etc.

700horses · 2023-04-20T12:25:06+00:00

💯facts. It’s just nature.

Rumin8ting_ · 2023-04-19T17:15:12+00:00

OP im going to real with you rn, this is a really sad way to live. This isn’t reality at all. You are dooming yourself to be miserable with this mindset. It’s not women who are hurting you, it’s yourself. This mindset is holding you back. The world is a cruel place and some people may actually think like this but please don’t limit yourself like this. You deserve to be loved by someone and not settle for someone who “loves what you provide” because you think it’s the only option.

TurtleDickSlap · 2023-04-19T17:34:39+00:00

Modern women don't know how to love men

Dimension597 · 2023-04-20T02:32:28+00:00

So much misogyny to unpack.

SnowBorn6339 · 2023-04-19T22:56:58+00:00

It so obvious you’ve never been in a successful relationship and nobody has ever loved you. Really pitiful.

Backyouropinion · 2023-04-19T14:44:26+00:00

My ex was great when I had a long-term career at a Fortune 50 company. I needed a serious break with minimal financial consequences because of her work and my savings. She bagged a 20 year marriage because I took a year off and viciously (not physically) ended the marriage. She didn’t divorce until I forced it seven years after split. She was hanging on to see if she could find something better.

I finished raising the kids and reestablished my career. I live in a great part of the country, make good money, travel, etc. It doesn’t make me feel too good , but she is miserable. She has tried to reestablish a connection through the now grown kids. I remain civil, but verbally push her away when she tries to get close.

I now date in committed relationships and have sex, but stay away from commitments of long term commitments.

Obviously, not all women are like my ex, but many are, as documented by this post. At this point in my life, none have anything to offer me that I can’t already get, and come with a host of issues. I’m not taking the risk of finding that unicorn.

learn2earn89 · 2023-04-19T14:56:10+00:00

This again? Do men love women unconditionally? What a joke. What makes you think that?

azurix · 2023-04-19T19:20:43+00:00

It always surprises me how much guys just don’t like women. You don’t have to date women. Be asexual. Be alone. Just stop fabricating these stories because you got hurt from a breakup. Men are just as much as drama queens as women. Just move on.

With this mentality all you’re gonna do is create a self fulfilling prophecy by always being on your toes about being hurt, turning your partners off, then they break up with you because of the cycle you’ve perpetuated, then get mad they don’t stay even though you got personal issues.

If women only take in your relationship maybe stop advertising that you’ll take care of them. Maybe look for an equal. Not someone you can pay off for affection. Another self fulfilling prophecy

RP-MJ · 2023-04-19T13:39:45+00:00

Well duh

learned this when l had a Gf for the first time in my life

Women will never like you for who you are but what you provide

No such thing as unconditional love for them

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-04-19T14:23:26+00:00

This is not a hard pill to swallow for many men, very few people expect to be loved just for existing .

lustersi · 2023-04-19T14:31:07+00:00

I 100% agree. Women love what can boost there status and men like what they see and personality. Two separate feelings

FRlEND_A · 2023-04-19T16:26:34+00:00

it's ok dude we hate you too

Czerymoja · 2023-04-19T17:18:10+00:00

What boys love is a appearance/ look and admiration for him from the girl l. That's all.

Both genders are very selfish actually but I would prefer woman's kind of love, especially for children. That's unbelievable, one of the kind.

Men? Not really.

aryamagetro · 2023-04-19T18:24:20+00:00

wrong. i loved my ex partner despite all his shortcomings.

Longspkdiamond · 2023-04-19T19:17:59+00:00

Nah, that's backwards. Men love things, women love people.

IamACantelopePenis · 2023-04-19T20:04:32+00:00

I showed this to my girlfriend and she laughed. Therapy seems to be the answer here we think.

doggiedoc2004 · 2023-04-20T01:47:18+00:00

Please link to a study that you are using to justify this assertion. Your personal opinion, online chatter and incel propaganda are not real world facts. Women are human beings and love is a complex emotion and relationships are even more complex.

If either partner in a relationship stops providing emotional and real world support (ie equal or proportional financial, house care, sex/physical intimacy ,child care etc) of course the relationship is going to fall apart. A relationship is a multi factorial partnership.

She (or he) may still love your quirkiness but if you are not being a partner then it’s over.

Kittycynn · 2023-04-19T18:46:28+00:00

Y'all don't complain when hot girls provide their hot bodies 🥵 , just stfu dumb b

Virtual-Loss2057 · 2023-04-19T16:39:17+00:00

wow who hurt you?

neetykeeno · 2023-04-19T17:02:50+00:00

It is irresponsible to form lifelong reciprocal arrangements with other human beings unless the arrangement is probably going to enhance both their lives. If one or both of us are bound to be crushed the relationship is one that should not progress. Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy not a romance. One of them should have had more sense for both their sakes. Women seem to understand this better than men.

And as for women running off when things go to shit...they don't tend to when the cause is random such as terminal illness. Women run off when things go to shit because their "I love you for who you truly are and you should do so for me too" man doesn't seem to see a problem with being in that arrangement but not making strenuous efforts to truly be someone decent and dependable.

CoalKnightBlk · 2023-04-19T18:56:18+00:00

OP literally described the essence of what makes people who they are then says “this is the only reason why a woman loves you”.

Like, what else are they to love you for?

DiamondLilyD · 2023-04-19T19:26:04+00:00

I didn't get anything tangible from him (small gifts on my birthday I guess?) and I definitely loved him for his uniqueness.

TRP has rotted your brain.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-04-19T18:59:50+00:00

This just reads like you're mad you can't mistreat your girlfriend without running the risk of getting dumped.

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HaymakerGirl2025 · 2023-04-19T14:40:04+00:00

Replace the word “girl” with “guy” in OP’s statement.

Gleefulpride · 2023-04-19T15:17:35+00:00

You just date the wrong women.

Applejinx · 2023-04-19T16:28:18+00:00

My argument with this view is as follows: strike the word 'girl' and replace it with 'human'.

A lot of this has to do with humans being raised poorly and without support, affection etc. causing them to have very limited ability to extend it to others. You can't really give what you didn't have, though usually it's possible to do somewhat better with a bit of effort.

If you think this is a vice having to do with women, you're insane. Women are probably LESS prone to this one, though it's still a thing.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-04-19T16:38:36+00:00

What does this mean? You can never 100% know another person. You’re not in their head. That’s not a gender thing, that’s just reality. You can only extrapolate who they are from the things they do, the stuff they say, and how they make you feel. Please explain to me how men have the ability to love women unconditionally then without using how the women make them feel or the things they do in the relationship or the life they’re building together

Ok-Expression7575 · 2023-04-19T16:39:35+00:00

If women can't love, why bother being with them? Just go hire a prostitute since it's literally the same thing

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-04-19T16:53:14+00:00

If we want to be pedantic, both sexes love their partners for the things they provide. Some of those things may be material, other things will be support, kindness, compassion, being a good listener, giving good advice, and humor even. I've seen guys on this sub talk about women like they're interchangeable and how dull and stupid they are, but if they provide them with sex, then they're willing to overlook all her perceived personality and bodily flaws. You yourself, OP, have a post titled ''If it wasn't for sex, most men would not bother with women.''. I'm pretty sure the guys that say stuff like this absolutely don't love those women for who and their uniqueness, at most they love them for the sex they provide, and there are women who only value the material resources they can get from a partner. Some people are materialistic and shallow, that's hardly news to anyone.

However, this just feels like a doomer view of the notion that yes, people don't love you just because you exist and are some baseline of ''okayish person''. If we love people because they just happen to hang around long enough and aren't obvious piles of shit, then everyone that meets that baseline of ''not asshole, has penis'' will do. Then that really would be not loving them for their uniqueness and we'd just accept any random dude that meets that baseline. And most people tend to cover the ''don't be shit, have the body parts I fancy'' portion of what could make them an attractive partner, so this whole post seems like a big whinge that your partner would ever want anything more than the absolute bare minimum for a romantic partner.

NittyGrittyDiscutant · 2023-04-19T17:08:05+00:00

candy is this goes both ways

GonnaGetBumpy · 2023-04-19T17:12:54+00:00

Nah.

Prepare4lifein4D · 2023-04-19T17:39:53+00:00

Some of the views in these subs are concerning. These issues are not being taken seriously enough by society, and I believe there will be blow back

eleventwenty2 · 2023-04-19T17:57:34+00:00

How is this proven? Is it not a possibility that these women do love you but are unaware of their inability to show love and act through love?

jonascf · 2023-04-19T19:03:40+00:00

She doesn't actually love you for your self and uniqueness, but what she gets from being with you, what you provide for her and once you stop providing that or stop giving her that feeling or once that lifestyle evaporates, so does her love for you.

The same can be said about men's feeling for their woman.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-04-19T19:04:09+00:00

Neither do you offer pure, unconditional love to a woman for completely altruistic reasons. You're getting something from her too. Do you not "love" her either? The answer is always "It depends on how you define love." I don't think idealized love exists in the real world for anyone, but it doesn't mean it doesn't have value. This is complicated but I'll leave it there.

If you're just complaining about how women are generally perceived to offer more pure, selfless love for the "right reasons" and men are underhanded, selfish, and have bad intentions then yes, I agree that is sucks.

In my view men and women are looking for partners who provide value for them first. I don't view one as worse than the other in this. So if you want to whine that it's not fair that men are perceived as worse then I'll whine right along with you. Doesn't get us anywhere but it feels good sometimes.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-04-19T19:14:47+00:00

Existence precedes essence

dora_dora_chim_chim · 2023-04-19T19:56:16+00:00

People get into a relationship because they gain something from it, it can be materialistic, emotional support, good sex or whatever it may be the reason. In some relationships, men become as provider, but in returns do you think they expect nothing? In real world relationship acts as a deal, it is truth and accept it. I will provide you with something lets say money and in return I want you to take care of me, satisfy my needs or support me emotionally. When the other person fails to provide it relationships fails be it a man or woman. Men also have desires they choose someone who is as per their needs and it doesn't carry only love. I hate it when men say "oh woman only wants money they will never love you", these are the same people who will reject someone's genuine care or love because that person isn't pretty.

MantisToboganMD · 2023-04-19T20:52:16+00:00

Hard Pill to Swallow: If that's true for women, it's at least as true for men.

I would love to hear what you personally think 'falling out of love' means/is. Because it's really just the feeling of no longer getting what you need from someone (ofc in a holistic sense) and losing that feeling you had for them/about them. If your partner/gf/whatever stopped "providing you" with whatever it was that was generating that good feeling you would likely begin to 'fall out of love' imo.

If the point is that Women want different things than men in regards to what is being provided that I think that's likely somewhat true but has a lot to do with social conditioning/gender roles than with some kind of evolutionary psychology perhaps. Though I do believe that the sexes have some real psychological differences, I also think we have a lot more in common than we don't.

remaininyourcompound · 2023-04-19T21:12:17+00:00

This is such rubbish that I can only feel sad for you, OP.

ChristinasTits · 2023-04-19T21:43:01+00:00

PPD really wasn’t a good idea was it? It’s depressing to see how badly people lose themselves and this place isn’t helping.

Shanguerrilla · 2023-04-19T22:00:07+00:00

There are both types of "I love you's" out there.... and both genders swear by them in unison discrecion.

WillyDonDilly69 · 2023-04-20T00:35:50+00:00

Op says that the contrast is that women may be in love with any guy that does those actions. That you don't matter but only your actions.

womandatory · 2023-04-20T00:56:59+00:00

Today I learned, women aren’t human.

By the same logic, we could say that a man doesn’t love a woman, he loves her body and that she lets him fuck her.

This is a ridiculous, reductive, incredibly limited way to consider the complexities of human interaction.

What sets humans apart from animals is choice - higher cognitive reasoning and decision making based on a wide range of information about any given situation.

Love is a complex human emotion that can be familial, platonic or romantic. Loving someone means wanting the very best for them, not extracting resources from them. People are not sex/money vending machines into which you put effort in order to extract resources. We invest in those we love because we want the best for them, we want to see them succeed at life. If you take a transactional approach to relationships, that’s all you’ll ever get back. Really loving a person requires risk, because clearly the risk is always there they think you’re just a thing to extract resources from. Sad.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-04-20T01:36:36+00:00

And what, pray tell, do you love about a girlfriend?

flosterjenkins · 2023-04-20T02:03:59+00:00

Some dogs aren't loyal unconditionally, either. Imagine if you stop feeding your dog, giving it attention, maybe you kick it from time to time, and it runs away. Hard pill to swallow too imo

It really sucks that women, men, or dogs care about themselves at all. Why care about ourselves when we can care about OP? Once we all love him more than ourselves, for his self and uniqueness, the world will be a better place.

CAVFIFTEEN · 2023-04-20T03:00:23+00:00

Yeah. Like a man does when they love a woman or anyone else who loves anyone. Unconditional love is a lie and if it’s something you try to practice, it’s an extremely dangerous way to allow others to treat you less than you’re worth.

This goes for all relationships. Not just romantic or sexual ones

Wonderful-Team-1315 · 2023-04-20T03:48:38+00:00

She doesn't actually love you for your self and uniqueness, but what she gets from being with you, what you provide for her and once

How do you know? May be this is the type of women you're with.

At best she can like and respect you, but she won't love you.

Hmmm...what's your story. Tell me your story, I ll tell you why. If a woman demands financial things from you, then yes, she doesn't love you, and you should know it as soon as it happens. I do know women who are of that type but the thing is they request financial things from the man, when that happens you should know it. Also, Some women feel like if they're not getting good sex, and, they don't love the man then may be they can benefit financial. I'm not saying it's right, im saying the man should see it.

TheOrangeGhost · 2023-04-20T07:20:52+00:00

Can you love another person for their innate traits, if so then so can your girlfriend. If you can love the way your girlfriend twists her hair when she's super focused on something then she can love the way you sing off key in the shower. If you can love that she can wax poetically about the universe then she can love how you want to pet every dog you see. Love is not all about the grand moments of affection it's dad jokes and late night conversations, it's suggling up to watch a movie. Love is all about the little hardly perceptual moments serendipity. If you can enjoy those moments then so can she. So yes your girlfriend can and probably does love you.

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2023-04-20T14:56:50+00:00

Briffault's Law, while true, isn't a moral judgement but rather an objective observation, IMO.

Regardless of the type of relationship, it's nearly impossible for people to love unconditionally in the true sense of the word. Setting aside most parent-child relationships, EVERY relationship is entered into by two people who each hope to benefit in some way from it.

It's not about whether one benefits from a relationship but HOW one benefits from it. If we were to say that it's wrong to expect anything from someone else, then ALL relationships would be considered as one person using another person or one taking advantage of another.

To be sure, many relationships do end up being one-sided, but it doesn't HAVE to be that way.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-04-20T15:18:32+00:00

I’ve got an ex who says she loves me every week still 🤷‍♀️

There are women who are not like this. And men should not offer commitment to women who are like this.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-20T17:56:21+00:00

What an offensive post to all the women I know who continue to love their husbands when they get too sick to work or get laid off.

I could write a similar post but switch around the genders too BTW. Plenty of men only love women for what they do for them not because they actually love them.

Visual-Possible-3239 · 2023-04-20T22:37:04+00:00

Citation needed

LowerPatience207 · 2023-04-21T07:21:05+00:00

Keep your chin up, bro. Sounds like you're going through some dark times. But there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

ILikeBird · 2023-04-24T19:18:46+00:00

If this is true then why are women less likely to leave her husband if he develops cancer? He is unable to work, treatment is extremely expensive, and she has to give up her free time to take care of him. The divorce rate when a man has cancer is only 2.9%

Meanwhile, when the wife has cancer the man is more likely to leave her than when she was healthy. When the woman has cancer the divorce rate is 20.8%.

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