Female women, how would you feel if most men did not desire you at all?

Dom-Francon · 2023-08-02T13:51:06+00:00

This is my reality now. I’m no great beauty. I just enjoy the ones who do like me :)

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-08-02T16:54:03+00:00

I guess I must be a male woman, because I’m pretty sure most men don’t really notice me positively or negatively, I’m just glad some have found me attractive. I have a normal face and body and would not assume the cute guy at the mall or party would want to talk to me. I’ve never met a guy who wanted to listen to me talk about hobbies he didn’t share. They just interrupt and change the subject. So I’m not sure what you think you did here but this is pretty close to most women’s experience.

AilynCcasani · 2023-08-02T14:41:58+00:00

This is literally my reality now because I’m a very ugly girl. No guy has ever had a crush on me so 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is annoying, especially when I see hypocrites (ugly ass men acting as if they deserve attractive young women out of their league or men acting as if men caring about our looks is “natural” while women shouldn’t care about theirs), but I don’t really try to guilt trip men by telling them that they must find ME in particular attractive or “give me a chance” just because I randomly assume I have nicer personality than the hotter girls around (I know very well that would be just a cope and that not all attractive people are evil and arrogant… yes, these include “Chads”). Another important thing, I don’t fit the beauty standards in my country/whole region in general, where the goal is to basically look southern european and I look the opposite of that, but I still don’t see the point of complaining about it as if that would change men’s preferences. It won’t. And even if it did, I certainly don’t want to date anyone that had to be convinced to give me a chance anyway… I don’t see why anyone would want to, it sounds pathetic and desperate.

Basically: Even if I hate it, I see myself being unwanted as my own problem. Because at the end of the day it is.

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-08-02T17:15:23+00:00

Most men do not desire me at all. What kind of point are you trying to make? That I would be a hateful, spiteful, bitter person? Because I am not. This is already my lived experience and I don’t have a bad attitude, hate men, or seethe the way I see men do here.

badgersonice · 2023-08-02T14:43:32+00:00

Lets say, you are not exaclty ugly. You are normal. Normal face, normal body (whaever normal means to you). You see a cute guy at the mall and you think about talking to him but there is a big chance that if you do, he will feel annoyed or even threatened depending on the way you speak. How does that feel?

I love how you set this up thinking this is some kind of unfathomable hypothetical for women, not realizing it’s just how most plain looking women live life. The only part that isn’t normal for me is that men would feel threatened, but otherwise this is just being normal for me.

Most men aren’t attracted to me, or at least don’t show they are in any way, and would be annoyed if I came up and started blabbering at them. This is just neutral normal everyday life.

Your problem is you only ever notice pretty and beautiful women, and you’ve written off average plain women as “non-women” in your head.

What if you have a hobbie you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men, they feel bored and give an excuse to go alway?

I had a guy completely blank face and walk away at just the mention of my college major. He didn’t even make an excuse. And that was a male dominated major.

I guarantee men don’t want to hear me talk about knitting or gardening or cooking. If I want men to listen to me and act like I’m interesting, I have to talk about stuff they find interesting and I have to actually be clever and charming and funny.

Some are rude others are just completely neutral to you. How does that feel?

Absolutely fucking NORMAL.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-08-02T13:52:47+00:00

Reminds me of middle school because I was one of "those girls", you know one of the weird ones with undiagnosed ADHD. I knew my place, when a guy tried to convince me a popular boy liked me I knew he was lying to try and make fun of me. I shut that down. It wasn't until I was roughly 16 that guys were actually interested in me.

thelajestic · 2023-08-02T14:16:00+00:00

That's just life. With billions of people in the world, most people don't desire most other people. The majority of people you pass day to day are invisible to you regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.

You see a cute guy at the mall and you think about talking to him but there is a big chance that if you do, he will feel annoyed or even threatened depending on the way you speak. How does that feel?

Just like normal life. Why on earth would I go up to a random guy and start talking to him? So fucking intrusive.

What if you have a hobbie you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men, they feel bored and give an excuse to go alway?

Just like normal life. Why would I care or even notice if no men practise my hobby, and why would I feel the need to talk to a random guy about it?

Then, you decide to go to a party. There are many good looking guys there! You get yourself well dressed and you even build the courage to talk to them but one by one they reject you. Some are rude others are just completely neutral to you. How does that feel?

Just like normal life. Newsflash: not everyone is going to fancy you! Why would I ruin a good party by systematically going around all the guys being basically desperate? Sounds like a shit time. I think I'd rather just enjoy myself and party with my friends.

KBPhilosophy · 2023-08-02T16:01:07+00:00

Female women?

dishonouronmycow · 2023-08-02T15:10:52+00:00

Some of us are just ugly

teddiesinterlude · 2023-08-02T21:50:19+00:00

I’m already ugly, and most men don’t desire me at all… so what was the point of you setting up this overly specific hypothetical? As if no woman could ever already have this experience…

You seem out of touch with reality.

redkoicarp · 2023-08-02T16:02:30+00:00

OP, this post shows how disconnected guys in this sub are when it comes to the average real-life experience of women. Everything you are mentioning is somethign I am going through as a woman. I do not expect most guys I find attractive to like me back, I do follow interests and hobbies only few men get excited about and if there are some that I have much in common bit they are certainly not chossing me among the hundreds of others they chould choose. Rejection isn't some foreign concept to us but something we've either experienced or still experiencing on the regular. I am not saying that I am the "norm" by any means, but neither are we exceptional in any way. You really need to talk to more female acquaintances and make some female friends there...

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-08-02T14:59:20+00:00

I don't presume that most men desire me now. I move through the world assuming I'm an NPC to others and act accordingly. Most often, I am correct. On the rare exception, I am pleasantly surprised.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-08-02T20:33:33+00:00

This post is hilarious. There's alot of women who experience this and are used to it.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-02T13:50:52+00:00

I assume that most don't. I feel fine. I care very little about whether people are attracted to me who I don't want to date, and I was able to go through enough people to find one I was compatible with. I don't like it when anyone is rude to me for obvious reasons, but they can be rude regardless of attraction.

Trouvette · 2023-08-02T18:17:29+00:00

Been there, done that. The answer is - I don’t define my value based on other people. That’s an unfulfilling life no matter how good you look or how rich you are. I found happiness when I stopped looking for external validation.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-08-03T02:14:12+00:00

I mean, I am about a 4 and that IS my life so, how I feel? I guess I was sad about it as a teen but I am in my 30's now so it's just normal to me. There have been times (realistically I had a drink or two in me) I would attempt to even platonically mingle at parties and guys have given me that "uh, why are you talking to me?" look. It happens to tons of women too no matter what RP content creators on TikTok tell you lol. Most women aren't hot. The chicks you see on Instagram are very very rare, also edited and filtered too.

MarjieJ98354 · 2023-08-02T15:47:06+00:00

I've been invisible most of my life; either that or the butt of everyone's jokes. I prefer to be invisible. After about the millionth time of being humiliated at the hands of someone else, I got to the point where I longer give zero fuks. My pleasures are driving around town in my sporty looking car,; watching trash TV; learning computer programming to start my own ecommerce website and making money, so I can travel and find an occasional boy toy. Men, no matter how they look don't even come into my radar. If someone just happens to be nice to me for a hot minute; after my initial shock, I may spend about 2.5 minutes thinking mankind might not be so bad after all I may even sneak a look to see if he doable. By minute 3, I come back down to reality and go back into my shell. Let just say that edibles take care of what I need when men can't.

AngeCruelle · 2023-08-02T14:01:53+00:00

I would figure out what the fuck I'm doing wrong to make so many men feel that level of discomfort. Interacting with supposedly normal people shouldn't be having that effect.

Sophiatab · 2023-08-02T15:24:53+00:00

You have just described my entire adolescent life and early twenties. Yeah, it's rotten, but you know what I never considered enslaving a man to be my companion, demanded the government issue me a boyfriend, or went on a killing spree.

RhaenyraTargaryan · 2023-08-02T19:29:12+00:00

This is already my reality. Most men do not desire me. I'm 25 and never had a bf or even a kiss. The few (2-3) men who showed interest in me were just looking for casual hookup and wanted to cheat on their gfs with me. And while I know most guys would love to have casual hookups and be a side peice, I being a woman have absolutely no interest in casual sex. Just the concept of casual sex is bleak and depressing to me. I would rather be alone than let some guy use my body for masturbation.

The guys I would crush on in school/college would always treat me like a sister but be romantically interested in my friends/roommates. I have always been friends with super pretty popular girls and seeing them get such amazing special treatment from guys has been sad.

I tried talking to guys in college, at work, at gym but nothing.

So I empathise with men and can understand how you all feel.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-02T14:50:50+00:00

At my age I expect most men not to desire me. That way, when one does desire me, it's flattering.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-08-02T16:38:39+00:00

It’s how I exist and feel. It sucks. so you focus on your hobbies, your friendships, and other meaningful outlets.

kjk67895 · 2023-08-02T17:51:11+00:00

Female women, not male women

tinasnow-poty · 2023-08-02T20:05:21+00:00

you see a cute guy at the mall and you think about talking to him

Same as I do now, I would see a cute guy at the mall and move on with my day cos I would never approach a man like that anyway. Don’t I have places to be?!

what if you have a hobby you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men they feel bored

Same as I do now. I don’t think guys are particularly interested in sewing/tailoring, pilates or hair and makeup. I just talk about those subjects to people who are willing to listen.

you even build the courage to talk to them but one by one they reject you. Some are rude others are completely neutral

Again, I wouldn’t approach a guy like this anyway and certainly not all of them one by one. That’d be so embarrassing. But I agree it would hurt if there was absolutely zero interest from anyone. However you can’t be everybody’s type, such is life.

Regardless, I’m sure none of this feels great but some of it is stuff that feels obvious. Like I’m sorry that no girls want to talk about [insert manly masculine male interest] here but just talk about it with your other friends like everybody else? I don’t expect boys to listen to me compare Fenty pro filt’r to Nars all day luminous foundation or talk about how difficult it is to alter chiffon. Talk about it with your guys

begayallday · 2023-08-02T23:31:46+00:00

Most men are already not attracted to me. It sucks. It hurts. But I don’t hate all men because of that. It’s whatever. More than anything it just made me hate myself. Thankfully a lot of women do find me attractive and are overall much better partners. So I’m doing fine.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-08-02T15:00:41+00:00

That’s how the world works. Most people are neutral to most people. Most people also want to be left alone - especially in spaces where they’re not expecting to be approached e.g., the mall or when engaging in their hobby.

SianOiseau · 2023-08-02T14:28:34+00:00

When I was a teen, the only male attention I got was sexual harassment from older men. Boys of my age didn't see me romantically and the guy I did approach rejected me. It sucked for a bit, then I decided to concentrate on my studies, friendships and generally everything else in life. It changed with time as I stopped looking like a kid eventually. I think it would be harder to deal with if it was a permanent situation.

But you're basically asking about flipped gender roles here. If it was the case, it wouldn't be just my personal experience, but the experience of most women out there and it would be considered the norm that we learn to live with. It isn't an ideal situation and if you already have some anxiety or socialization issues, you can struggle greatly.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-08-02T15:33:52+00:00

Omg, I would drop dead instantly. I could no longer live life. I can't imagine a world where l can't have any man that I want on demand. Doesn't matter if he's happily married or anything else. Are you honestly suggesting that's possible?? It's not.

Come on, dude. Guys are not as thirsty as your imagination. Most women are average and most women can't get with hot guys on demand.

solstice-sky · 2023-08-02T15:22:34+00:00

Most men don’t desire me, even as an attractive woman.

Your scenario is sad. I would never go to a party and try to chat up every cute guy because I’m not weird. There is nothing normal about a guy at a party going from girl to girl to girl, either.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-08-02T14:41:35+00:00

if I didn't get male attention I'd do everything I could to looksmax til I did. i dont understand the concept of a "normal" girl who doesnt do this, but the idea of "normal" here seems to be "completely abnormal" you guys know this is a perfectly normal thing plain girls do all the time, right? they do it without any fanfare

DarmakJalad · 2023-08-02T16:06:29+00:00

I’ve kind of been there. Male peers seemed to find me unattractive for most of my youth. It didn’t feel great, but there wasn’t much to be done, and I saw that people found it pathetic if you wallowed and creepy if you persisted in spite of social signals. I kind of had to accept it, and focused on other pursuits, self-improvement, and friendships with women.

Birb-brained · 2023-08-02T16:10:18+00:00

I got rejected a few times as a teen. Yeah it feels shit but you’ve just got to pick yourself up and focus on the people that give you the time of day who like you for who you are.

But yes I imagine it would feel pretty awful to feel that most people don’t like you.

morbidnihilism · 2023-08-02T17:42:39+00:00

This is a completely pointless exercise. Women's phisiology is different, they have way less libido and testosterone, so they wouldn't mind not seeking relationships or sex that much (for a period of time at least, but definitely bigger than men's)

BeneficialRush4171 · 2023-08-02T17:44:00+00:00

Been there. I was very lonely but minded my own business and just avoided guys I was attracted to.

hannahg000 · 2023-08-02T17:48:28+00:00

i’ve felt invisible my entire life, to both men and women. in a group of girls, they will often speak to others before they even look at me or when i speak, i’m barely acknowledged. it’s created so much insecurity in my life.

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-08-02T21:55:13+00:00

how would you feel if most men did not desire you at all?

I feel indifference. This is my situation and I feel indifference.

Oli_love90 · 2023-08-02T16:52:42+00:00

This is my reality lol. I don’t clock it anymore because it is what it is, but when I was younger it would bother me that no one seemed interested. I don’t ever flirt and just talk to guys on a base level friendly way and move on.

I feel undesirable and a little “well damn, I’m not that bad!”. But I don’t really feel animosity towards guys. I feel more annoyance/sadness towards my own self.

The constant attention that guys think all women get is baffling to me because I can’t even imagine.

Bekiala · 2023-08-02T14:03:37+00:00

I'm old an no longer get attention from men. I love it. I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world. Ugh.

I do talk to strangers but not because they are attractive just to be friendly. When I was young I didn't do this so much specially with men. Also I find that people much prefer to talk about themselves and their hobbies. I rarely find someone that wants to hear about me but that is just how people are.

That being said, so many men suffer such loneliness. Specially young men. Figuring out relationships and even casual interactions are tough. Men and women live in such different worlds that understanding each other even in a casual encounter like a party is really tough.

Best to you OP. If you struck up a conversation with me at a party or the mall, I would try to listen to you talk about your hobby even if you didn't show any interest in me and my interests. It is tough sometimes but I do try.

sunshinevante · 2023-08-02T16:05:01+00:00

honestly, I'll wouldn't really care, weird take but I feel validation from men is low value from me. even if men are attracted to me it doesn't really give me much of an ego/ confidence boost either? so no validation or attention whatever wouldnt hurt my confidence necessarily. its like cherry on top of everything else I have going on.

I have idea of what I want from life that would give me major fulfillment and a man is not part of that but I wouldnt be opposed to relationship/ marriage either. However, I know women who truly center their happiness around being desired / being in a commitment & derail their own life or have little self respect to be w a man & keep them at any means even if it hurts them. They would go insane without talking to a guy for two weeks lmao

I should say also I grew up as a black girl in a predominantly white neighborhood so being not desired was something I got used to but changed when I got to high school (more diversity at the school, however my first boyfriend was white so)

AvelieSun · 2023-08-02T16:28:52+00:00

This is just normal life for the majority of humanity. Most people are just minding their own business, nothing personal.

petella-2-the-sac · 2023-08-02T17:07:47+00:00

Female women? God i hate what the internet has done to the English language

literaryhogwartian · 2023-08-02T14:39:12+00:00

Just a point - it is either 'female human' or 'women'.

I am quite a quirky person anyway so i wouldn't really care, I am an acquired taste. When I was single I would not have approached anyway.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-08-02T15:14:02+00:00

I’d say this was reality, Am I missing something?

B_A_Hunter · 2023-08-02T15:21:56+00:00

I think looks are important to everyone, but, honestly, I don't care so much personally. The scenarios here have one major problem though in that the female is playing the traditional male role of trying to intrigue a man with her hobbies and interests/achievements, and being the one to work up the courage to do the pursuing. Yes, it can be tough when men are expected to do the pursuing, but that's part of being a man- getting out there, being brave, and expecting to get knocked down a few times, while still getting up and getting right back into the saddle whenever he gets bucked off and faces rejection. Women face rejection too and it doesn't hurt any less. Women face different problems, usually on account of our sexuality and how we express/manage it, that men don't truly understand anything about. But, in general, back to the main topic, it's not natural for the woman to be the pursuer and the one actively- as opposed to passively- trying to impress. And, of course, what type of man does she pick up if she is the pursuer?

Fiestygirl000 · 2023-08-02T15:28:56+00:00

I’ll be ok, Fine. I can’t pay my rent if a guy finds me attractive.

Diamond-Breath · 2023-08-02T19:12:03+00:00

Female women? What?

Falling_fruit_234 · 2023-08-02T20:11:28+00:00

sounds like the human experience?

Sillysheila · 2023-08-02T20:52:58+00:00

I honestly don’t think MOST men desire me. I’m pretty average looking compared to really attractive women. In fact I think my husband is more attractive than me according to convention.

I don’t give a shit, is how I would react. I mean, I’m taken so I can’t do anything about it. Also I think what this subreddit doesn’t understand really is that some men, particularly young men, can be very annoying and rude if you reject them. Some men are great about it and I don’t mind that so much, but I’m always dreading a bit that they won’t “get” that I’m not interested.

Also lol “female women”?

eggoverdose · 2023-08-02T21:55:43+00:00

ok that was my high school and college experience??? i chose to focus my energy on my career and didn’t let it bother me. what’s your point?

theprettyocean · 2023-08-02T23:13:53+00:00

I live in a city where men are just... weird, in the sense that sometimes they seem annoyed/not interested even if they are. Very socially awkward people. This is the first time in my life I do kind of understand what guys must feel, and no of course it doesn't feel great. But as a woman, we're wired a bit differently. As much as women online complain about it, male attention for us is actually nice. We just don't want it to be overtly sexual/gross, especially if we aren't attracted to the guy.

I can empathize with men, I get it. But you can't let it affect your self-worth or how you move through the world.

But yeah I went through an awkward phase as a pre-teen and I was not cute, so I do remember what that was like. Even though I'm generally desired now/looked at in that way now, I still remember that. And I don't go around assuming men like me like that, even though I'm obviously delusional about how desirable I am because I get hit on in a city where apparently women never get hit on.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-08-03T01:24:36+00:00

It’s understandable to want validation, attention from the opposite sex if you’re out there looking for it and not getting it. Society has become so extremely looks-ist that both men & women are suffering, lonely & alienated. I see there’s a big chunk of young men that are downright angry about not winning the genetic lottery/not being able to pull the women they think are attractive. Standards have been completely warped by people staring at screens all day, comparing themselves to others and either feeling doomed or boosted based upon that alone.

Control what you actually can do something about. You largely get your looks at birth, you don’t earn them & they change and diminish as you age. I grasped this at any early age & worked really hard to make sure I had a whole lot more to me than just my looks. I was conventionally attractive & now I’m older & invisible. Looks are always going to be a depreciating asset. I always knew that this was where I was headed & that my exterior shininess would eventually fade. It’s not a loss or a curse, it’s a blessing to not have to negotiate male attention/desire anymore.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-08-03T02:38:19+00:00

This is my life as an average woman. I used to want general validation more than anything and feel crushed after going out and rarely getting hit on. Nowadays I’ve gained some perspective and I feel almost lucky to be average. I’ve seen how truly ugly women get treated and it is a world apart from my general invisibleness. Being called ugly unprovoked, never being hit on at all outside the internet (vs a few times a year in my case), people being embarrassed to be seen with you, for example. I’ve always been able to get a relationship if I want one, but I have to make the first move, usually through social media or dating apps.

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2023-08-03T03:39:02+00:00

They can't fully contemplate it. Believe me

CaptnandMaryann · 2023-08-03T05:01:15+00:00

As apposed to a male women?

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-08-02T13:50:11+00:00

First of all if you look normal, and you go up to women and talk to them they're not going to feel threatened. Maybe that'd be annoyed but thats the price you get for talking to strangers that you don't know anything about

Again, just becuase you dress well, and build up the courage doesn't mean they're going to like you. Your basing all your potivations on a outcome, and when it doesn't happen your setting yourself up for failure. No body in this world owe's you a damn thing.

Now you look stupid cuase you went and got dressed well, built up confidence you probably didn't have so your faking it. And if you would of have not done any of that and just been yourself, you probably would've gotten rejected but with 10x less work and investment.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-02T16:10:07+00:00

This isn't that outrageous an example for lots of women who either aren't super attractive, were ugly ducklings, had a glow up, etc. That isn't me entirely, although I would say I had a bit of an ugly gawky duckling phase (it just didn't last super long), but I've known many many many women like this.

So to answer for the "pretty" girls. Amazing. It would be amazing to know that any man giving me his time and attention is doing so because of a genuine personal connection that attracts him to me.

Frankly, men now often ignore me when I'm speaking of hobbies they aren't interested in. It was a huge thing for my boyfriend to pay attention because he cares about me and to show genuine interest as opposed to this gaga fake interest most dudes show.

And if no men practiced it, I wouldn't give a shit. It's my hobbies, not theirs. I don't need male approval on my hobbies to enjoy them.

Being rudely and neutrally rejected is much better than having them express false positivity just because they want in your pants. I'm totally cool with not being treated like hot shit. That's even pretty normal. Lots of people don't treat me like hot shit (women for example).

This is very normal for most people to not be interested in you. Only some sort of strange sense of entitlement to other people's attention and attraction would ever lead a person to think this was unusual.

I'm not interested in the majority of people. Why on earth would I think the majority would be interested in me. The fact a good chunk of men are surface level interested is not a boon. It's frustrating and gross and I would happily give it away without a second thought.

Ainsleygz · 2023-08-02T14:14:46+00:00

Talk to ugly ones

Horror-Boat4485 · 2023-08-02T15:24:41+00:00

that's pretty much my life. No, it doesn't feel good and doesn't change no matter how much I try to improve my appearance

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-02T16:31:03+00:00

What if you have a hobbie you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men, they feel bored and give an excuse to go alway?

I feel seen.

There are many good looking guys there! You get yourself well dressed and you even build the courage to talk to them but one by one they reject you. Some are rude others are just completely neutral to you. How does that feel?

It feels like being 37. [shrug]

I guess the difference between me and most of the men on this site is that I have friends and family who are amazing and don't let me feel truly lonely. If I don't marry, I'll be fine if I can get a Golden Girls setup going. Or join a religious order, that would be nice. Spending my retirement in service? Sign me up.

There are so many more ways to live your life than heterosexually paired off.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-08-02T13:53:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

therealcosmicnebula · 2023-08-02T14:16:49+00:00

Doesn't bother me.

I prefer it.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-08-02T14:30:21+00:00

I would be extremely happy if most men didn’t lust after me/ overwhelmingly desire me sexually. This way I could form a bond with men based on other more important things in life rather than the main focus being on sex.

If a guy doesn’t want to talk or hang out that’s ok. I will respect him and move on. If I find a cool guy to hangout with eventually great if not that’s fine too. No one should depend on other people’s approval to make them happy. Just enjoy your life and make the most out of the time you have. You don’t need other people to have an interest in your hobby in order for you to enjoy it. Similarly, you don’t have to only get the attention of the opposite sex at a party in order to enjoy the company of others; you can just hang out with friends of the same gender while you’re there it’s nothing to be petty over. It’s not worth the aggravation to get upset about it.

Disasterid · 2023-08-02T14:33:43+00:00

I’m a lesbian. That would be amazing.

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Laurely4u · 2023-08-02T15:14:22+00:00

What a relief, if suddenly nobody had blueballs

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-08-02T15:52:10+00:00

You see a cute guy at the mall and you think about talking to him but there is a big chance that if you do, he will feel annoyed or even threatened depending on the way you speak.

I think the dude would be perfectly justified in being annoyed. I'm annoyed when someone decided to come hit on me when I'm going about my day, I do not like it and I wouldn't do it to other people. If I was speaking in a way that causes people to feel threatened, that would be a ''me'' problem, it's not their fault I'd be coming off as Ted Bundy's less-suave cousin.

What if you have a hobbie you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men, they feel bored and give an excuse to go alway?

The amount of men I know that are interested in what my next knitting project is, other than my husband, is exactly zero. So I don't talk about my hobby as much with people who don't care about it. My guy friends also don't talk to me about the latest sports ball games they've watched or how some tournament is going because they know I find it boring.

Then, you decide to go to a party. There are many good looking guys there! You get yourself well dressed and you even build the courage to talk to them but one by one they reject you. Some are rude others are just completely neutral to you.

If I'm walking around trying to hit on every dude at the party, the best I could hope for is neutrality because that is creepy and kind of offensive. Like it doesn't matter who the guy is, as long as he says ''yes''.

Yomzie_hun · 2023-08-02T18:24:04+00:00

Such is life.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-08-02T14:38:47+00:00

Most don't. It's not an issue.

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-08-02T14:21:48+00:00

I assume men don’t have interest in me now. I love it. I function as though things are completely neutral. I don’t sit around thinking about what strangers think of me because it doesn’t matter anyways.

emochikk · 2023-08-02T14:27:01+00:00

Do I have a strong community of friends around me? Do women like me/would Daye me? Then perfect.

Beebum5 · 2023-08-02T14:56:31+00:00

Idc, I wouldn’t ever directly approach a dude like that lmao

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-08-02T15:27:31+00:00

How does that feel

Like life. Rejection happens. Receive it and move on.

Relative_Cicada_800 · 2023-08-02T16:38:50+00:00

would suck if I ever fell in love with a man, but I'd feel a thousand times safer knowing no man would want to rape me

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-08-02T17:37:52+00:00

I am blue pill and very much a feminist.

If other blue pill people attack OP here, they’re trash. OP is being vulnerable and expressing how he feels. He deserves empathy for that, and more men need to do what OP is doing.

riceweight · 2023-08-02T17:46:06+00:00

This is normal for me lol. I’m Asian but most Asian guys don’t desire me since I do not fulfill the uwu anorexic pixie vibe. I’m quite healthy and athletic and attractive by American standards, which focus on having a toned/hourglass shape. When I talk to guys I’m attracted to most of them are kinda just “ok I’ll hold convo with you until that girl who really fulfills my desire comes over here.” So I just exit after I catch that vibe. I also have a big ass face lol.

I have a friend who is the living embodiment of the HIMYM episode where guys queue up to date her when she’s single, and the window is quite literally 1 week. It stings a little, but I know that she has a certain quality that’s rare + attractive attributes to Asian guys and I have no interest in emulating her lol.

Idk life is good for me since when a guy is interested in me I know he’s actually interested in my personality. So I don’t stress too much about aging, mild weight gain etc. I also do have standards and am far from desperate. So it all works out in the end.

DiamondLilyD · 2023-08-02T18:38:27+00:00

Complete indifference

If it meant they'd ignore me when I went out i'd be quite excited that I could go on night adventures without worrying about being attacked.

Stop_Maximum · 2023-08-02T18:46:28+00:00

In my perspective, being desired doesn't affect my life significantly. Being "normal" would give me more motivation to embrace life fully and dress my best. However, the story doesn't resonate with me because cuteness doesn't play a role in my connections with others. For me, forming connections requires getting to know a person without any expectations or feelings involved. If I were to approach someone at a party and they rejected me, it wouldn't hurt me because I see it as a simple attempt. I would consider how I approached them and be okay with the fact that not everyone likes cold approaching.

sweetbrown89 · 2023-08-02T20:53:24+00:00

OP, this is an extremely odd premise

I see a cute guy at a the mall — and I leave him the fuck alone because I have no reason to introduce myself to random strangers

I’m 5’2” and petite, there’s no reason he’d be threatened by my presence

I like having hobbies that are mine, alone. I love doing archery with no men around! I don’t want to talk about that shit to a random guy

Why the hell would I be trying to talk to random guys at a party? I would only be going if my friends are there — and they’re better company than random men

Your entire post is centered around this idea that women care about the attention of attractive men…which isn’t true for most of us

basedmama21 · 2023-08-02T22:23:39+00:00

I think about this a lot. I benefited (and still do) from pretty privilege. I don’t necessarily think I’m the most stunning person. In fact I don’t like attention and don’t go out of my way to get it. However, when I started to research this phenomenon, I could relate to all the women who got above average treatment just for their looks. I have only had three bad experiences with men in my entire life, the rest I was highly selective, picky, almost like I had a free matchmaker and then my husband took me off the market FAST.

Even though I can’t relate to ugly girl outcomes, I imagine I would feel really disgruntled if a man had never asked me on a date, spoiled me, been proud to show me off to friends, family, coworkers. Maybe even depressed? I would probably feel really lonely and start to put all men in a box. BUT I would hopefully start to work on myself to fix this. Some women refuse to be introspective and assess what it is about them that puts men off. Like weight and/or misandry, plus a touch of masculinity.

GeneralFig6053 · 2023-08-03T00:27:27+00:00

Free

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-08-02T14:53:11+00:00

I’m sure that I’ll be fine. I hit puberty really early so I know that being desirable makes you a target. I don’t interact with men on a daily basis anyway.

Intelligent-Cry-7884 · 2023-08-02T15:13:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

tawny-she-wolf · 2023-08-02T18:56:45+00:00

Female women ? As opposed to what ? Female men ? Male women ? 🤨

Anyway I don’t walk around hoping to attract male attention so I wouldn’t care at all about none of the guys in your example being interested. I wouldn’t go talk to a complete male man stranger

chalkandapples · 2023-08-02T22:48:20+00:00

I would obviously not like it if men didn't desire me at all and they're actively annoyed or threatened when talking to me.

But I also don't like how it is today when men think too much about women and sex.

I prefer it if men just treat me like a friend, and only date me if he likes me genuinely rather than just because I'm a girl.

You see a cute guy at the mall and you think about talking to him

I think the thing is if I see a cute guy at the mall, I really wouldn't consider talking to him. I'll admire him from afar, and if I get a chance to talk to him in an appropriate social setting, I might put myself in the right situation for that. But it's a very strange concept for me to see a cute guy and immediately want to talk to him as a stranger.

What if you have a hobbie you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men, they feel bored and give an excuse to go alway?

When I practice my hobby I don't do it to date. My hobby is video games and there's tons of guys around. I really dislike how people use that as an avenue to date. I wished I was a guy most of my teenage years simply because I wanted to be able to do game and make friends without a significant possibility that it might not be platonic.

If I wanted to date, I would be intentional about dating. I would go on a dating app, speed dating, ask my friends to introduce me to guys etc. I can then actually focus on relating to guys romantically and giving them full attention rather than being distracted by games.

asongforpatsy · 2023-08-03T02:02:13+00:00

If you try to fuck every person of the opposite sex you meet then.. Women don't want someone desperate to fuck anything in the vicinity sorry lol

softcircuitry · 2023-08-03T08:47:39+00:00

Yeah I get it. You want women to empathise with your position because you feel like they’re not considerate at all of how hard you have it.

Here’s the thing, you don’t know how big the difference is because you only know your experience and a generalised idea of global gender dynamics.

Women can have it hard too, that doesn’t mean that what you’re doing ISN’T hard by comparison. It just means that women aren’t having a grand ol time fucking whoever they want like you might imagine.

It’s hard to date, it’s hard to face rejection. It’s scary and takes a lot of guts. Be kind to yourself.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-08-02T18:46:33+00:00

I find that most strangers are generally welcoming to conversations with other strangers.

Rude people tend to either be old conservatives or straight passing women who hate men/assume all men who approach them in public are trying to fuck. Even girls who are bothered by men approach them usually just say something like “thanks” and smile and try not to get involved. If you’re in high school and seem like an outcast then other high schoolers will be dicks to you.

Iakobos_Mathematikos · 2023-08-02T21:49:16+00:00

OP, I admire that you tried to build a bridge of empathy, but I think it’s frankly a fruitless endeavor here. The state of being undesirable (as opposed to feeling undesirable, more on that later) is so entirely foreign to 99% of women that I think most genuinely can’t wrap their heads around it. It’s like how most men can’t truly empathize with how it feels to receive too much attention. I’ve heard that it can be difficult for women to deal with, but it always feel like suffering from too much of a good thing, even though I know that’s not how they perceive it.

Another part of the issue is that plenty of women do still feel undesirable, even though they are not. Well, I’m sure there are some truly undesirable women out there in the same way that men are, but most women who claim this either don’t actually try to find a boyfriend or are straight up delusional. There was even someone in the comments who mentioned feeling undesirable in the same paragraph she talked about her boyfriend lmao. At any rate, asking these women to ponder what it would be like if they were undesirable doesn’t reach them, because in their minds, they’re already living that reality.

I wish there were some way to genuinely build empathy between the sexes about the other’s side, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone successfully manage to do so. I think the only people who can actually understand both sides are trans people.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-08-02T17:06:07+00:00

You are normal. Normal face

That's me.

normal body

Okay, not me. I'm very tall with a small frame and very large breasts which I try to hide.

You see a cute guy at the mall and you think about talking to him

I see all kinds of cute people everywhere, but I feel no attraction unless I have some reason to get to know them. Like common interests or experiences. Merely being "cute" doesn't mean a thing to me. I never assume a strange man might return physical attraction. People have different interests, different preferences and physical types. I don't give a cute stranger a second thought.

he will feel annoyed or even threatened depending on the way you speak. How does that feel?

I would hate it, because I wouldn't do anything to make someone else uncomfortable on purpose. Never.

What if you have a hobbie you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men, they feel bored and give an excuse to go alway?

Happens, nbd. All of my hobbies are outdoor hobbies. But I'm also kinda nerdy and a reader. I don't expect nerdy bookish men to share my athletic interests. But I also don't care. If they also aren't into things which make me happy, we aren't a good match, anyway.

Then, you decide to go to a party. There are many good looking guys there! You get yourself well dressed and you even build the courage to talk to them but one by one they reject you.

I regard every man as a potential friend, not a date. It's not romantic or sexual unless we are both mutually engaged and flirting. I don't get rejected because I don't ask strangers out, and I don't ask any man out unless it's obvious he is also interested.

Some are rude others are just completely neutral to you. How does that feel?

Men are pretty rude to me in general because they aren't comfortable with my height and they stare at my chest. I just excuse myself and go somewhere else. I don't expect strangers to embrace me or cater to me at all. I don't expect anything from anyone beyond basic manners.

Cat_Lover259 · 2023-08-02T17:10:14+00:00

“Female women” bro why can’t you just say WOMEN 😭

CyrusVercetti · 2023-08-02T19:29:46+00:00

If your gender only uses appearances of Beauty to be your attractor than, Yes, Itll be nothing but a War between Looks.

So all youll get is Men flocking to the best looks. Congrats.

But if your gender, Utilizes Strength, Looks, Wit, Endurance & Wealth then it seems that there is a smorgeous board of choices of men to choose from

dyngladfel · 2023-08-02T23:44:30+00:00

You see a cute guy at the mall and you think about talking to him but there is a big chance that if you do, he will feel annoyed or even threatened depending on the way you speak. How does that feel?

I don't cold approach men already because I don't want to bother anyone as much as anything.

What if you have a hobbie you really like but there are no men around when you practice it and when you talk about it to men, they feel bored and give an excuse to go alway?

I've got a few hobbies I already don't discuss with straight men for this reason.

Then, you decide to go to a party. There are many good looking guys there! You get yourself well dressed and you even build the courage to talk to them but one by one they reject you. Some are rude others are just completely neutral to you. How does that feel?

I would just be chatting with people to have a good time rather than specifically chatting anyone up.

Puzzleheaded-Sort812 · 2023-08-03T02:35:51+00:00

You lost me when you called us "females".

hostility_kitty · 2023-08-03T02:48:47+00:00

I wish most men didn’t want me. Then I’d finally be able to make guy friends without them wanting to be inside me. I just need my husband, every other guy can just treat me like a normal human being.

Complex_Vanilla_2542 · 2023-08-03T06:08:48+00:00

The projection of most women in this thread is stunning.

WaterGreenWaterfall · 2023-08-03T06:29:12+00:00

I mean this has been my reality since i was 13, only thing that's different is that guy's don't feel threatened by me, but that's because: a) i'm not larger or stronger than then and b) men usually don't fear that a woman will rape them or get violent if they reject her. I think men tend to overstimate how much attention the average 5/10- 6/10 woman can receive, specially from the "cute guys". Now, answering the question of how i "would" feel. I suppose i just keep going, i mean, if I can't have something I won't start crying and throwing a tantrum like a toddler, I will try to get my shit together (if I REALLY want it) or I'll move on to another goal.

TessaBrooding · 2023-08-03T06:53:08+00:00

You seriously overestimate how much I care about strangers. I wasn’t chatting them up when I was single.

learn2earn89 · 2023-08-03T08:26:15+00:00

This has already always been my reality.

froderenfelemus · 2023-08-03T09:41:48+00:00

If I’m brave enough to put myself out there I’m brave enough to hear the answers. Yeah it’ll suck, but there’s nothing wrong with not being someone’s type.

Snekky3 · 2023-08-03T12:46:40+00:00

I’m ace. This would hardly affect my life at all.

Ok-Put3239 · 2023-08-03T13:02:21+00:00

Live my best life. Bc who cares?

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2023-08-03T16:12:58+00:00

This is not hypothetical. Tons of women feel like this everyday. You must be really ignorant to think every women is a 10/10.

marnisims · 2023-08-03T17:07:18+00:00

I don’t even know how to respond

mlo9109 · 2023-08-03T17:39:59+00:00

Oh, so my current life? It sucks, but it is what it is.

Title	Female women, how would you feel if most men did not desire you at all?
Author	Felizem_velair_
Upvotes	96
Comments	471
Date	August 2, 2023 1:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15g97gt/female_women_how_would_you_feel_if_most_men_did/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/female-women-how-would-you-feel-if-most-men-did.1227077 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227077

Comments

If your gender only uses appearances of Beauty to be your attractor than, Yes, Itll be nothing but a War between Looks.

So all youll get is Men flocking to the best looks. Congrats.

But if your gender, Utilizes Strength, Looks, Wit, Endurance & Wealth then it seems that there is a smorgeous board of choices of men to choose from