How many of you “developed” issues while in a relationship? I’ll go first: depression and anxiety. Cured as soon as we broke up.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-14T00:07:53+00:00

OMG yes!

I would start having intense emotional reactions, crying spells all the time and pent up rage, and then read a bunch of self-help books and go to therapy to try to fix myself.

Turns out it was just because I was staying in a relationship with an abusive ex. Once that relationship ended my symptoms cleared up so fast

Protoetype · 2021-03-14T00:27:38+00:00

I've certainly felt the beautiful lightness that comes after he's gone.

TopJunket7249 · 2021-03-14T00:31:45+00:00

I thought I had a drug, alcohol problem and depression—walking to work and crying each morning. Nope, I was just in a 4-year relationship with an emotionally unavailable pedo to whom I gave my youth and who strung me along for years. Once we broke up, hell yeah life!!!

Another ex made me feel like everything I did was wrong and that I was too much. I had to walk on eggshells and watch every single movement. Once he got angry that I didn’t smile “right” at a couple he barely knew and invited without my permission who were two hours late to my dinner party. Once he left, omg life is beautiful and the angels sing and the sky has never been more blue.

Jiou112 · 2021-03-13T23:45:31+00:00

This. I always thought something was wrong with me because whenever I'm single I THRIVE. I thought this meant that I'm just meant to be alone. That I am not programed to love. Turns out all the men I've been in relationships are toxic and trash my mental health 🤦‍♀️ not anymore.

chasingastarl1ght · 2021-03-14T02:13:51+00:00

Bless my family doctor. I was going to get a paper to see a psychiatrist. I felt fundamentally broken. She listened to why I thought I needed that and inquired about "what do you mean, you always fight with your bf?".

Her diagnosis about 15 minutes of questioning later : "I can give you a thing to help you stay calm & focused, but you don't need a psychiatrist, you need to leave the abusive relationship you're in right now"

Oh.

Turns out, yeah, I'm all good. It was him.

Street_Narwhal_3361 · 2021-03-14T00:38:09+00:00

I developed a seizure-like disorder from stress that he deliberately exploited during fights. He would argue and argue with me until I capitulated. It was that or have an episode. I hope he rots from the inside out.

penelopekitty · 2021-03-13T23:32:08+00:00

Yes, anxiety, depression as well as a host of physical issues. They all magically disappeared when I got divorced. Imagine that!

real90slike · 2021-03-13T23:31:40+00:00

Me thinking I have abandonment issues when they just gave me them. 🤣

pascalines · 2021-03-14T00:38:36+00:00

I was able to go completely off Zoloft when I dumped my ex. Seriously.

athousandsillinesses · 2021-03-14T01:18:22+00:00

My ex tried to convince me I had BPD because of the times I wouldn't suffer silently with his emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Lost the ex, lost the BPD symptoms. I'm beginning to think BPD is a disease of the patriarchy and used to further stigmatize women who do not take well to being abused.

He also caused my anorexia to relapse after being in recovery for 3 years. He would keep up a running commentary on what I was eating even after I told him it was a trigger and tease me for eating more than him even though I went to the gym and ate healthfully, unlike his two-junk-meals-a-day, barnacled-to-a-gaming-chair ass. He also fetishized my underweight, non-menstruating body, which should've been a dead-giveaway for his pedophilic tendencies. Once I dumped his ass, I returned to a healthy weight.

Oh, and on a quasi-funny note: I was so stressed out by my ex that I actually broke out in full-body pinwheel hives from being physically intimate with him and had to go on a 5-day course of steroids and take daily anti-histamine. This scrote was so supremely disgusting that I had an ALLERGIC REACTION to sex with him lol.

justwondering551 · 2021-03-13T23:46:57+00:00

I seriously started to believe I had a personality disorder while with my ex-husband and looking back at his abuse I realize it was the insane roller coaster/abuse cycle he had me stuck in, coupled with intense depression and the love bombing when I’d reach my wits end. My next boyfriend made me think I had extreme attachment and insecurity issues and would constantly gaslight me about how his behavior made me feel (I later heard about “dread gaming” and recognized exactly what he had been putting me through. It felt like torture, but I know how to recognize it now and it’ll get anyone blocked. Trust your gut!).

During the periods of time I’ve been single like now, I’ve done incredible things and have secure attachments with everyone I know. Manipulation can destroy your mental health. Protect yourself from these kinds of relationships! ❤️

ETA: I also gained a LOT of weight (almost doubled my weight) with my ex-husband that pretty much fell right off when I got divorced and went back to my normal, happy lifestyle! The effects of stress on the body can’t be underestimated enough!

divination__ · 2021-03-14T00:26:31+00:00

I used to think I was over emotional and possibly with imbalanced hormones because I would get so angry and cry on a more than weekly basis. Since breaking up with my about ex a year ago, I have cried maybe...3 times?

to_learn_to_fly · 2021-03-14T00:25:59+00:00

I had the first migraine in my life within the first month of living with my emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive ex. I suffered from regular migraines for the entire 5 years of our relationship (at least 1-2 per month, sometimes more). As soon as I broke up with him, the migraines were gone. Now I only get a few headaches per year due to stress or weather, but they're much milder and less debilitating. And don't even get me started on all the psychological issues like severe anxiety.

Pinkapple_ · 2021-03-14T00:11:15+00:00

Depression, anxiety, loss of any self-esteem i had left, body dysphoria, suicidal ideation. I had to go through therapy to manage all those issues. The biggest step was cutting off and blocking my ex, because he literally drained the life out of me. Also he was a porn-addict who wanted me to fit his favorite porn category (he proposed getting a Brazilian Butt Lift and Boob Augmentation)

What_u_callme · 2021-03-14T00:30:35+00:00

I was diagnosed with bipolar, depression and anxiety. Heavily medicated for years with little improvement.

2 months after leaving my ex I was fully cured. I have CPTSD but therapy has helped me through a lot.

You're not crazy, he's an asshole.

EDIT: reading how many other women have been through this really breaks my heart, but it's also giving me a huge rush of confidence. I've never seen so many abuse survivors come together in solidarity and support. It makes me feel awful but powerful that I'm not the only one. I felt so alone for so long.

I was never actually alone. Thank you FDS 😭😭😭😭

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-03-14T00:38:26+00:00

Anxiety, depression and panic attacks. Never had before. Oh! Constant yeast infections which led to a kidney infection that I honestly thought would kill me

academinx · 2021-03-14T01:01:42+00:00

I was never jealous. Prided myself on being accepting of friendships, I had lots of girl and guy friends. One of my best friends was a guy for two years. (Ended messily, long story). My cheating ex made me paranoid and suspicious, gaslighting legitimate concerns and made me feel like I was out of line for genuine concerns. I never had any issue with jealousy before being with him. I’m still not jealous, but I’m a hell of a lot more aware now.

CrazyPaine · 2021-03-14T00:37:56+00:00

Well I know I don't have this heavy weight on me no more. I got rid of the drone bee thank goodness. I don't feel angry anymore. I don't feel pressured anymore for sex. I don't have to listen to the nagging, begging and pleading.

But I have been left with wounds though from dealing and being with him for a while but it's getting easier.

DallasOMalley · 2021-03-13T23:49:08+00:00

I had a major flare up of an evil incurable autoimmune disease I didn't know I had, all during the worst relationship I've ever been in.

To this day, I blame that ex for the additional progression of my disease.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-03-14T01:47:58+00:00

Narcissism is the second hand smoke of mental health issues.

complex_answer_22 · 2021-03-14T01:23:29+00:00

Yep, developed actual anxiety including diarrhea, racing heart, panic attacks, weight loss, and loss of sleep having to deal with that scumbag. Fuck I'm so glad it didn't take me long to see the light, but those 6 months left me with PTSD that took me a year to get over. I still cringe looking back, and ask myself why I endured his behavior for crumbs. He gaslit me like it was his day job, he was so good at it. Luckily, when I'm unhappy I just can't stick around for long. As much as I hate it, it's a good reminder when men start acting suspicious. Do I want to go through that again? No, I'd literally rather die alone.

CowgirlMolly · 2021-03-14T02:29:24+00:00

I developed “anger problems.”

It was just gaslighting.

Hateorade_ · 2021-03-14T00:42:15+00:00

Major anxiety throughout our relationship. I always thought that my insecurities stemmed from myself but turns out it was because he did so much shit to jeopardize our relationship. Would cry at night and would wake up with anxiety stomach pain. I always thought it was just a me problem but it wasn’t. Since he blocked me on Instagram a few months back (I didn’t have the strength to do it myself but I did delete his number and him and his family off my Facebook), I sort of felt a weight off my shoulder.

However, what if I suffer from depression as a result of the relationship ending? Is it because it ended or is it because I’ve been through a lot? Idk. I was the one who broke up with him and I struggled so much with the guilt associated with it but I’ve almost come to terms with it. Also, I’ve lost a healthy amount of weight and am feeling really good right now. There’s still more to change, but I’m getting there. The only anxiety that I have is from grad school and just test anxiety lol. Another issue is that some of the things that he likes triggers the hell out of me. If I’m near his area, I’m on edge. If I see something that he liked or listen to music that he liked, I get triggered. I also get anxious when I think about the good times and how they could outweigh the bad, but it doesn’t work. And you know those “butterflies in the stomach feeling”? I would always have those. I always told myself that it’s good to have those feelings even after years of dating... but I guess it’s just my intuition telling me that he’s no bueno for me.

jaggedlee · 2021-03-14T00:56:51+00:00

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and suffered with suicidal thoughts every day. These issues mostly disappeared after the divorce was finalized and I could block n’delete. I credit my recovery both to cutting him off and having a support group of sisters and friends to lean on.

MadamLeFay · 2021-03-14T01:03:34+00:00

Anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia and substance abuse that all magically disappeared after I left him.

light_workerx3 · 2021-03-14T01:17:44+00:00

Definitely had extreme panic attacks and depression but at the time I thought we were in a like "honey moon phase " and I had no idea where the panic attacks were coming from . Then I realized later on , that it was my body's way of alarming me of who this guy really is .

Then with my abusive ex who I was with a long time ago , I developed celiac disease . Doctor said it can come at any time of your life and doesn't have to be hereditary. Looking back , I swear from the stress back then that's how I developed celiac .

krissycole87 · 2021-03-14T01:29:10+00:00

Yessssss holy shit. While with my ex I felt CONSTANTLY irritated. Like the worst case of pms but every single day. It was affecting my life and work so badly that I even changed birth control pills and had my doctor run a new hormone panel on me, thinking something was physically wrong with me. SHOCKER all my symptoms vanished right after the breakup.

MomoKun999 · 2021-03-14T03:26:51+00:00

Yep! My anxiety, OCD, and sleep issues are all gone now. ETA, holy SHIT, how many of us made miraculous recoveries after dumping the toxic assholes! This is why I believe in FDS; I didn’t have enough experience or education on dating to know the signs of a potentially toxic partner. If I had FDS before I met him, I would have seen the flags and, no matter how much family pressure, never agreed to the marriage.

anotherdamnloser · 2021-03-14T01:09:00+00:00

This is my mom. She would not have depression and certain issues of not for my father!! He’s an ass. She stays because he’s on his death bed and she will get a lot of money. I think she should just tell him to go to hell.

randomgirlimok · 2021-03-14T01:12:25+00:00

My ex husband knew my triggers and didn’t care and continued to do them (such as street racing while I was in the car and he’s a 40 yr old man)

Smart-Platypus6762 · 2021-03-14T02:16:30+00:00

I developed an autoimmune disorder and started losing hair before my divorce. After my divorce, my hair grew back and the inflammation levels in my blood improved dramatically. Bad relationship are toxic for your body.

myousername · 2021-03-13T23:43:01+00:00

I struggled to lose weight all my life because I was constantly in back-to-back LTRs with men who stressed me the fuck out. I also had anxiety, depression, low self esteem. After dumping my narc ex I stayed single for a year to work on myself and lost just over 50 lbs, went to therapy, and my mental health has never been greater 😊

PenneyPence · 2021-03-14T01:51:47+00:00

My verbally abusive LVX from grad school had me convinced I had a drinking problem because I drank so heavily when we were together. After we broke up, and I had almost no desire to drink, I realized the problem was him. I was binge drinking bc the relationship was so miserable. I also no longer had stomach problems or headaches. It’s amazing how that works.

dancedance_83 · 2021-03-14T00:30:11+00:00

Same with my first boyfriend. I thought I had BPD. Granted, I went through some heavy shit that needed to be addressed (my parents had a nasty divorce and my mom abandoned me), but this dude was so avoidant and made me feel crazy because he refused to put any effort into the relationship and made me feel crazy for me ACTUALLY doing all the effort in the relationship even though I was in school and trying to build a life. It just turns out he just didn’t want to, yet expected me to always be there?? His League of Legends career was more important and coming to see his girlfriend, 2 hours away, was ridiculous.

vowelsareimportant · 2021-03-14T01:21:14+00:00

I have OCD, there's no doubt about that but when I started dating this one guy it flared up like crazy. I had been off medication for years; 3 months with this guy and I had to go back on medication. About two months after I ended things with him, I was able to taper off again.

lucidlotus · 2021-03-14T02:00:58+00:00

Hmm, the times I've been severely depressed and anxious were ALWAYS related to a man.

Another one of those "so it WASN'T my fault" realizations.

coloneldjmustard · 2021-03-14T02:01:53+00:00

My ex fiancé was a highly functioning alcoholic and habitual marijuana user (multiple times daily). He hid these qualities from me until after we’d moved in together. I was 21 , he was 15 years older, and my first everything so I stayed even though substance abuse is a deal breaker for me and he deliberately withheld from telling me earlier because he didn’t want me to leave him. He later cheated on me with likely sex trafficked massage parlor prostitutes saying he did it because I withdrew from him (duh).

Over the course of our 6 year cohabitation I ended up in therapy, on antidepressants, developed an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. The worst years of my life. Finally got the courage to leave him in 2014. Whenever I reconnect with people who knew me back then but haven’t seen me in a while, they always comment how much I’ve blossomed and am glowing now. If they only knew

avokatze · 2021-03-14T01:27:40+00:00

Acid reflux, vaginismus, anxiety, insomnia... Its all gone after just a few weeks, except vaginismus, but I will go to therapy about it soon, and I'm just so happy most of the time :)

christmasforoutlaws · 2021-03-14T01:35:34+00:00

I got diagnosed with various mood disorders while married. I was only "symptomatic" whenever my husband was around. The depression, anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings, and unrelenting rage disappeared every single time he was deployed.

sjefsiljuuus · 2021-03-14T03:18:11+00:00

Three years ago, I felt so shitty with myself, was depressed and started to develop suicidal thoughts. My ex, didnt care for me, he was too busy gaming and yelling all night. I was stressed out about everything, I wanted to move out and told him, but he had to just make me seem like the bad person because I wanted my own place, and not live in his parents basement. He never showed affection towards me, he was cold and came and took whatever he wanted from me.

Then I got out, broke up with him, and I suddenly notice that the air I am breathing is more fresh and clearer than it was at my ex. I felt the warm sun on my face. I started to feel less depressed, and got more confident with myself. I started to enjoy life again.

I feel lucky that I got out the time I did. He had raped me while I slept, and after hw was done with me, he laughs, smirks and then says «next time, you wouldnt know if i had sex with you and gor you pregnant at the same time, it would take you long to figure it out, and when you did, it would be too late». he had planned to trap me there with him, and force an innocent child into it and all.. Glad I got away

_laufaeson · 2021-03-14T01:22:22+00:00

Yep. Anxiety was pre-marriage, but I definitely developed a dash of depression while I was married. I can see it plain as day now.

Candync19 · 2021-03-14T07:58:30+00:00

I used to cry almost every time we had a small argument because of their gaslighting and cruel heart. The soon we broke up i felt like a huge weight off my chest and i never cried or felt guilty like i used to feel during the relationship

stackofwits · 2021-03-14T05:57:46+00:00

Omg I almost posted this here earlier today! Men will really have you thinking you’ve lost your fucking mind and as soon as they’re gone it’s like the most foul fog disappears.

breadandbunny · 2021-03-14T03:09:06+00:00

Literally when my dad moved out, my mom's and mine and my sister's anxieties went way down. If you are constantly around a person who is argumentative, short tempered, etc., you're going to be so anxious in your own home.

maryrose-deville- · 2021-03-14T02:23:02+00:00

I’ve had Depression and Anxiety since I was a teen but my mental health really hit rock bottom while I was with the ex husband (13 years). He was abusive and I developed PTSD from that relationship. I got out 2 years ago and my mental health is improving. I know my worth now and am relieved I no longer have put up with the ex. I am focusing On getting to know myself.

anxious-american · 2021-03-14T02:26:03+00:00

I had depression while engaged to my abusive ex. Now it's just PTSD

somegenerichandle · 2021-03-14T03:51:48+00:00

I did get my restrictive eating and bipolar dx while i was in a lousy situationship. Though, i don't think my phd supervisor was helpful either. And i am a suicide survivor, over twenty years now, so it's nothing too new but it was bad.

There are so many great stories here, i don't feel mine will add much, but i want to say that it's making me wonder. We know that guys who complain about their 'crazy exs' is a red flag, but i never considered that it was them that made her crazy. I thought it was just them being unfair in their perception/description of her.

mysecretdiary2 · 2021-03-14T05:18:06+00:00

Well I did go to therapy because I had anger issues and my emotions went rampant. Turns out that rage manifested because I realized he raped me through coercion. I have to say though therapy was the best thing that happened to me. Worked through a lot of shit (also stuff with my narcissistic parents) and when the relationship ended I only felt lightness.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-03-14T05:54:48+00:00

I developed low self esteem and doubted myself, had gained ten pounds, was depressed and told I have “anger issues” which is code for I get a get when I’m insulted and degraded. After I dunked his fat ass, I lost the ten pounds plus a few more, felt abaxingky happy and was never told I had “anger issues” ever again.

It’s amazing what excising a malignant tumor of a man will do for the mind and body. 🌈☀️🌷

bringtwizzlers · 2021-03-14T09:11:14+00:00

Not only did I have my entire college experience ruined, I developed severe depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia because of my abusive ex ☺ I thought I was dying.

All of this because he took out his own mental problems on me, then ghosted me by moving away and getting married without telling me when he felt better. And then blackmailing me into staying quiet by saying he'd say i abused him. Men sure are fucking great!!!

I am SO MUCH better now that he's gone, and have never experienced that kind of severe anxiety since.

missisabelarcher · 2021-03-14T05:19:32+00:00

I got depressed and anxious for the first time in my life after I had my son, and I thought it was PPD/A and that I just wasn't cut out to be a mother. Maybe at first it was PPD -- crazy hormones and sleep deprivation certainly didn't help -- but even after treatment I had a persistent sense of anxiety that made me an insomniac and generally bogged me down.

Turns out, it was the relationship with my cheating, gaslighting, manipulative, lying, cold, distant now-ex. Honestly, when I left him, it was like a fog was lifted. The peace and contentment I feel now is amazing. I feel like myself again. And I love being a mother -- even a single one. It's way better than having a horrible partner.

And also: I had bananas thyroid issues with suboptimal levels of hormones, so much that my doctors wanted to put me on lifelong thyroid hormone replacement medicine. I couldn't sleep well, couldn't lose weight no matter how much I dieted or exercised, my sex drive plummeted and I just felt so tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I tried to get. I even had crazy skin allergic reactions and sensitivities and rashes to so many things. When I left my ex, my thyroid levels returned to normal in a few months. I lost weight, slept more regularly, had more energy and my weird skin issues cleared up. My doctors were amazed but said that the chronic stress of an abusive or difficult personal relationship can really mess up your body.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-03-14T08:14:35+00:00

While being in a poly relationship I developed anxiety, regular panic attacks and got diagnosed with CPTSD. All of it stopped the day I opted out. People in the poly community talk about their mental illnesses very openly, which is a good thing. Nevertheless I can't help but wonder how many off them are (still) sick because of their relationship style.

DifferentBar6 · 2021-03-14T17:05:37+00:00

I wonder how much female of "mental health problems" are actually due to shitty relationships with men...

JaneD-oh · 2021-03-14T01:37:56+00:00

High blood pressure. I was on meds for it for years...months after leaving the abusive relationship I was in my blood pressure dropped to within normal range.

dionysusthighs · 2021-03-14T06:36:49+00:00

I had anxiety, severe panic attacks, and depression while I was in relationships. My idiot ex tried to armchair-diagnose me with bipolar, as if this scrote had the medical degree and experience to diagnose people with any kind of mental illness. I was diagnosed with CPTSD after ending the relationship. I'm happy I started going for therapy because I learnt some valuable skills not just for relationships but when dealing with people in general. Now looking back at my therapy sessions, I feel like my therapist said so much of pro-FDS stuff. Like she told me I don't have to settle for men who are broke and have no income and don't have their shit together. That I shouldn't go for men who have no ambition or dreams in life. The former Pickmeisha me was shocked lol, but now it feels like it's common sense. It's been a year now being single and not actively dating (thank you, pandemic) and I've never felt better. It's like an enormous burden was lifted off my shoulders. I haven't had any panic attack or felt dissociated since more than a year now and I'm off my meds. Explains how damaging it can be to be around toxic people. There's also this book called The Body Keeps the Score, which explains this phenomenon.

lomolola · 2021-03-14T08:11:50+00:00

I thought my birth control was what caused my low sex drive. Turns out it was just him

Solid-Liquid · 2021-03-14T12:53:23+00:00

I was anxious every time I got in the car with him at night, because I knew he was gonna pull into an empty lot and ask for a blowjob ever time we went out. After I left and started hanging out with my friends more at night, my anxiety went away

isitokaytobeme · 2021-03-14T00:53:18+00:00

Yep, I was on anti-anxiety medication and according to my ex would have “episodes” every weekend. He always said he was normal and I was the crazy unbalanced one. Funny how 2 months after we separated, my anxiety issues disappeared and I no longer needed medication to function. Also I was finally able to relax and enjoy weekends because his drunk loser ass was gone and he wasn’t harassing me or the kids anymore.

BitchILookLikeGoku · 2021-03-14T01:15:25+00:00

I developed terrible IBS-C and severe dermatitis around my eyes and mouth, during my last relationship. While I knew my relationship definitely was a factor, I assumed it was also due to the pandemic, a possible allergy, and the stress of taking 5 courses per college semester while working.

Two weeks after the break-up, my face cleared up. A week after that, my gastro issues were non-existent. I am even taking 6 classes, this time around. Nothing.

He reached out to me 3 months after the breakup, and within that day, I had a bout of IBS-C and my eyes started itching, again. Found out it was an allergy, afterall. To LVM.

soleirolias · 2021-03-14T01:59:37+00:00

i got anxiety and panic problems from dating a narcissist (among other things but it really skyrocketed then) and it kinda... hasn’t gone away :( just stuck and manifested in other ways. but i’m confident that’s when it started because the panic feeling is still very much the same.

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2021-03-14T02:10:12+00:00

Felt same as her aunt with my ex. So much anxiety. Losing hair and on the verge of walking out of a job Bc of the anxiety build up.

pinkcloudzzz · 2021-03-14T03:50:16+00:00

Multiple medical problems and chronic pain. All went away when he left

thenyashoulda · 2021-03-14T04:37:37+00:00

Mental health isn’t a linear or constant state. I view it as something that must be maintained.

My ex husband certainly contributed negatively to it. You should feel better getting out of a bad situation!

laurencetrishburn · 2021-03-14T06:08:28+00:00

Anxiety leading to loss of appetite, loss of hair, stomach aches, lack of sleep, inability to concentrate, depressive spells - all caused while I was in a relationship. Oh there's more. He somehow convinced me I had anger issues, was insecure, jealous, crazy, so much so that I had to see a therapist. Turns out it was just his gaslightling that turned me into the person I didn't recognise.

monch-bred · 2021-03-14T06:30:57+00:00

Had to start taking anti-anxiety medication while dating a nvm.. it gave me insomnia so I was horribly tired but at least I wasn’t anxious anymore I guess?? Stopped taking it cold turkey the day we broke up, never felt better 😌

souredskittles · 2021-03-14T06:50:11+00:00

Yes I developed triggers for several things. I suppose it just meant that he was traumatizing me over time.

virgoran · 2021-03-14T06:58:27+00:00

Yes. I developed Chronic Migraines. 20+ a month. The day I left I didn't have a migraine for a whole week. Pure bliss.

_thewoman_ · 2021-03-14T10:44:57+00:00

men are energy vampires .

EternallySlumbering · 2021-03-14T06:36:33+00:00

I honestly thought i was asexual... Turns out im very much NOT lol

honeydaisycake · 2021-03-14T07:56:16+00:00

Oh, MULTIPLE!

Recent ex made me think I had trust issues & commitment issues cause I couldn’t trust him, wouldn’t disclose all personal experiences to him & not agree to being his girlfriend. Dropped him within 3 weeks.

Avoidant college ex who made me drink plan B & take birth control when I didn’t need them, then proceeded to call me “crazy”. Well, try having unsolicited hormones pumped into you so the guy you like can take a load off in you.

bambiedgehills · 2021-03-14T03:11:39+00:00

dating an alcoholic gave me IBS

palczo · 2021-03-14T13:00:07+00:00

Anxiety, depression, chronic pain, suicidal thoughts. Additionally, I gained 10 kg and was crying constantly. I didn't believe in myself anymore. I felt ashamed of my true self because that wasn't what he wanted; I was supposed to change to fit his 'perfect partner' mold.

5 months out and I am getting the suppressed pieces of myself back, one at a time. And I don't bawl my eyes out every day anymore.

switchitbitch · 2021-03-14T05:21:53+00:00

I instantly dropped 15 lbs when we broke up and not because I was sad but because I had the weight of his emotional issues out of my life!!

august-27 · 2021-03-14T05:54:49+00:00

I dated a guy briefly, he ended up using and ghosting me, but during the "fun getting to know you" period I kept developing these super itchy rashes on my arms. It was like patches of hives that would come and go. Nothing else had changed (laundry detergent, soap, environment, meds, everything was exactly the same). I never had those rashes before or since. I am convinced it was some subconscious biological reaction to this shitty guy, like my body knew he was trouble before my mind registered it.

heleninthealps · 2021-03-14T07:28:06+00:00

Yep, j thought I had an anxiety disorder snd that I was bipolar...turned out - it all went away when me and my narc ex broke up and I left. And I even made me take medication for it....

Lysa3 · 2021-03-14T08:27:01+00:00

Insomnia. It went away after I broke up with my ex, but it took a long while for my anxiety around sleeping to lessen (it's not even completely gone yet 😢).

VikingDotter · 2021-03-14T10:32:28+00:00

Dumped my fiancé yesterday. My anger issues, my overreacting, my low libido... They disappeared with him. Bye bye!

seraphinelysion · 2021-03-14T01:44:15+00:00

Anxiety, stress, insecurity, and neediness. My ex caused all of it. I'm pretty happy now that I'm single, thriving even.

seedan99 · 2021-03-14T01:11:54+00:00

I stopped drinking. It didn’t take 12 steps. It only took one.

hezied · 2021-03-14T10:59:34+00:00

My best friend got diagnosed with BPD but I swear to god it's just because she started dating an asshole who gaslights her

TB56 · 2021-03-14T19:31:42+00:00

Thought I had an eating disorder but turns out I was constantly gaslight by my ex into thinking I was fat even though I was a uk size 10! When I broke up, I fell in love with every little thing about my body again and constantly compliment small things about myself like little beauty marks, which he previous tried to tell me were ugly. The only thing ugly was him, literally and figuratively. Man was a walking 2/10 and had the audacity to degrade my looks 💀

TestAffectionate7868 · 2021-03-14T00:27:56+00:00

This!! My anxiety was starting to make me feel nauseous and literally affecting my physical balance (I felt like I was walking on an angle). As soon as I left, it all disappeared.

BabyBlankieieieieie · 2021-03-14T04:00:14+00:00

🙋🏼‍♀️

Hex-Spirited_Away · 2021-03-14T07:52:20+00:00

Got severe health anxiety from past relationships, also my last bf made me ace, though that hasn't gone away like the anxiety yet even tho we broke up almost a year ago. But, I really enjoy not being a slave to libido and sexual attraction - so much time gained!

I feel like in total they did cure me of heterosexuality though. Hah.

deathbethemaiden · 2021-03-14T01:07:45+00:00

My suicidal ideation went away went away the same week I ended my last relationship. I am so much happier alone than being his bang-maid and pocketbook.

I’ve excelled so much now that I’m not being dragged down.

psilocybeanie · 2021-03-14T07:11:54+00:00

I developed PTSD and unfortunately she's still around. Still mentally ill but I now have no barriers to getting the help that I need.

MissMisnomer · 2021-03-14T15:49:17+00:00

Wake-up call moment was when I was in therapy discussing an argument we had and realized the therapist was giving me advice on how to cope with his own emotional issues, not mine. Funny how people need to go to therapy because of people who should have gone to therapy instead.

notochord · 2021-03-14T04:15:14+00:00

I developed anxiety, depression, heavily ramped up my alcohol consumption to unhealthy levels, had several plantar warts that wouldn’t go away for YEARS, had irritable bowels, became fearful and weak while rock climbing, and totally lost my sex drive.

Thank god for kicking him out and a good therapist! All of those issues have disappeared or cleared up and I’m sober, stronger, happier, and feeling GOOD these days!

Other than some CPTSD I developed from his abuse. But again, so glad to be working on that in therapy and not have him dragging me down!

fibbinlikealibbin · 2021-03-14T00:01:57+00:00

-Depression -Anxiety -Gained 50 lbs -Memory issues -Chronic pain -Mood issues -Insomnia -Binge eating issues ...10 years of suffering.

Aaaaand now it's all cured. 30 out of 50 lbs gone already. Weird. Oh and the memory issues was just me getting gaslighted.

Glad FDS is here to remind women that they NEVER deserve abuse. Don't tell that to the chick from Vice though, she'll cry.

heavenandhow · 2021-03-14T01:48:19+00:00

Same

mandoa_sky · 2021-03-14T02:10:51+00:00

LunaAmory · 2021-03-14T12:39:51+00:00

My psychiatrist thought I had bipolar disorder. Turns put, I was just acting out because of all the anxiety my ex was causing me.

kittycakes22 · 2021-03-14T12:48:43+00:00

Omg yes. I was so depressed and anxious all the time. He made me hate myself. So glad that’s over, I feel like myself again!

German_girl97 · 2021-03-14T15:01:41+00:00

My mom was the same way, she was with her ex for 5 years and developed high blood pressure and had bad anxiety, was drinking a lot, smoking a lot. And when she left him within the first week her high blood pressure dropped to normal, her anxiety was mostly gone and she barley drank or smoked.

messicanamerican · 2021-03-14T01:08:44+00:00

I had to take anxiety meds when I was with my ex because I was angry and on edge when at home with him. 1 week after I left him I truly looked forward to going home, anxiety meds gone, blood pressure meds gone, sleeping pills gone. I has sleeping great, eating better, and excelled at work. It was an immediate change in everything for me and the kids.

Mella_20 · 2021-03-14T12:38:58+00:00

I cant really speak about romantic relationships cause I'm young and not very experienced, but I can definitely talk about toxic people in general. Like family and friends. When they were in my life or their words still carried weight, I felt heavier, my chest would always feel tight, and I'd feel like crying all the time. The second I got rid of them, mentally, cause its not that easy to move away from your family even if they're toxic, I felt free and happy.

So yeah, you can develop issues, and have actual physical pain when you're in a toxic relationship.

simplicityduplicity · 2021-03-14T14:53:05+00:00

I was on a high dosage of depression meds daily while with my last ex. He even took it in stride to remind me to take them everyday. Looking back, I realized that he liked that they made me more docile and an easier push over. I stopped taking them the same week I left him (I don’t recommend this, by the way! If you wanna go off them, make sure to taper off with your doctor’s assistance) and I haven’t needed them since. Nor do I feel the desire to nap most of the day, everyday. Everything has significantly improved since I left him.

OnlyPaperListens · 2021-03-14T02:46:53+00:00

I thought I was incapable of organization and keeping to a schedule. No, just married to a messy bitch with a drama queen complex who sabotaged my every attempt to create order and structure in my life.

Z3z6 · 2021-03-14T03:42:18+00:00

The cardiologist actually tested me for an adrenaline issue. Nope. Flight or Flight response to a horribly abuse homicidal husband.

Now I am safe: guess who doesn't have cardiovascular issues any more?

Image that.

Spittens · 2021-03-14T17:19:31+00:00

Absolutely. I still have anxiety but it only centers around men and dating relationships (one of the many reasons I abstain).

But one I dropped my nvm ex, my depression was gone. I was excited about being alive again.

Foomama48 · 2021-03-14T12:59:52+00:00

Same depression, massive anxiety, insomnia, drinking too much wine. Sleep like a baby since the day I left, have zero urge to drink, loving how my life feels quiet now - because it’s actually peaceful! Still on anxiety meds and have some ptsd anxiety attacks from it all, but getting better every day!

thecrazywitch31 · 2021-03-14T17:45:29+00:00

I became a lot better after I left him. No more going "crazy", no more being jealous and insecure. Just me and My HVM vibin'

Onextto0 · 2021-03-14T20:36:11+00:00

He told me I had paranoia and anxiety, turns out he was cheating on me..

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-03-15T07:51:52+00:00

Low self esteem & negative self talk. Whenever I would be around him, he would criticize me to the bone and I would criticize myself saying stuff like "I'm so stupid" etc. My friends told me they did not recognize me anymore, that I seemed frightened over the phone.

I can't believe I allowed that to happen.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2021-03-15T13:03:50+00:00

I had a DV counsellor once tell me that it’s common for women to say to her “my depression/anxiety/bpd/eating disorder/bipolar/alcoholism/drug addiction walked right out the door when he did.” - pretty telling the impact that abuse has on a woman’s life.

hologothic · 2021-03-14T02:57:09+00:00

It's so interesting how we don't even realize how much outside forces can affect our mental and emotional state. Women are so often taught to minimize our emotions for the sake of others but when it comes down to it, self neglect is the fastest way to a breakdown. We need to take care of ourselves and each other, regardless of whether or not someone thinks it's 'selfish' to leave a situation that's damaging us.

A_WoodHouse · 2021-03-14T02:05:17+00:00

I developed PTSD from my then abusive BF in college

haunted_vcr · 2021-03-14T18:51:59+00:00

Yeah chronic insomnia, constantly being super underweight, and random crying spells... All that ended after the awful relationship.

amyanubis · 2021-03-14T23:14:25+00:00

I now have peace, less anxiety and worry. I feel better alone, I'll be staying single unless a high value male comes along. I'm not risking my mental health for another scrote.

ChocoBananza · 2021-03-15T00:04:21+00:00

Depression, sleeping disorder, anxiety, symptoms of bipolar disorder, all gone within mere WEEKS of leaving my NVX.

Also, as a very pleasant bonus, my period doesn’t hurt anymore. Funny how your body works well when the main stressor is removed from your life.

icedlongblack_ · 2021-03-14T01:39:35+00:00

ME TOO I had the hugest guilt for leaving a relationship. Even when I recognized examples of the relationship deteriorating into worse abuse and the potential to be physically dangerous in the future, I was still torn up and feeling guilty for hurting him by breaking up

Breaking up was terrifying

The next day I woke up not wanting to end my life for the first time in three years. I could smile again. I was light. I had zeal for life again, I didn’t realise I had lost it

or4nge_lem0n · 2021-03-14T03:40:38+00:00

My ex told me “I think you have cyclical depression / anxiety.” And I believed him. Went to therapy and everything. We broke up and then I was cured and so fucking happy. Turned out he was just driving me bat shit crazy, and each month before my period I would just loose it. Fuck that rollercoaster. I’m healthy and not broken.

XxMissJessiexX · 2021-03-14T04:49:29+00:00

Just broke up with someone today and my anxiety has legit dissappeared

big_badass_G · 2021-03-14T06:58:27+00:00

It's called Gaslighting. Classic male manipulation. It's everywhere. You're seriously better off alone. It's not worth your health.

doyouknoworegano · 2021-03-14T09:38:50+00:00

I’m currently going through this. Sought help after not being able to trust my boyfriend, causing me even more anxiety and anger. I’ve never behaved like this in a relationship before. Turned out I was right to not trust him, he’d been cheating on me throughout the relationship. I no longer have to deal with the daily stress (at least what I know will be long-term) because I kicked him to the curb.

ichbinkeinmann · 2021-03-14T10:49:41+00:00

a few times i was arguing with my nvm ex it gotten so bad i just kinda left my body. i was there but also not there. i couldnt move, i couldnt speak. it was like i was floating outside my body watching him yell at my empty shell and then later when he noticed i’m not sayin anything he started to cry whats wrong with me. this happened like 2 or 3 times over the course of 3 months i was living with him. i thought i had gone insane, that something is seriously wrong with me, i was considering going back to therapy even tho just half a year prior to that my therapist and i came to the conclusion i’m okay enough to stop going.

but now i think my body just shut down when the intense fighting got too much and i couldnt take it anymore, when emotions just spilled over.

not to mention the long, horrible panic attacks that started back up when i was with him, yeast infection after yeast infection, headaches, drop of selfesteem, suicidal thoughts as means to escape the situation...

even my hemoglobin levels dropped so much, i couldn’t donate blood for the first time in my life.

just. EW.

dumped his ugly ass and have never felt so stable and healthy in my life as i do right now.

thank you FDS, i love this community and this safe space to talk about all the feelings that were unvalidated before. and it feels really good to know (and horrible at the same time) its not me who is insane and psycho, but that its a society problem.

vitalear · 2021-03-14T02:03:38+00:00

I legit got diagnosed with bipolar because of a relationship

mindagainstbody · 2021-03-14T04:10:45+00:00

My number one relationship rule is "if your life isn't better, or you're not happier, it's time to leave." The whole point of a relationship is to make you happy and add to your life. If you're less happy with someone than you were without them, what's the damn point?

I'm newly married, but I've been with my husband for 7 years. He's not perfect, and doesn't meet every criteria for a HVM, but he adds so much light and happiness into my life every day. We're constantly laughing, and he makes my day to day so much easier. I've never had that with anyone else, and that's how I know he's worth it.

InternetIsHard · 2021-03-14T10:10:45+00:00

I was depressed, had panic attacks, thought I was worthless and started to think daily about killing myself. After breaking up it's ALL gone. My health is up, I can sleep normally, I can focus, my mental is great, I'm happy. That dude was a horrible human being, never fucking again.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-08-04T00:16:52+00:00

My acne cleared up after I broke up with my ex. Lol I thought it was the hormones you get from being in a relationship, but it was just stress.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-14T16:10:29+00:00

I feel like this also applies to family relationships, and work. I was getting sinus infections on a weekly basis living with my parents and going to work everyday. I moved out and quit my job on the same day and have not had only had one sinus infection in the last year.

caprisunday · 2021-03-14T03:32:40+00:00

Yes!

During a horrible roommate situationship my anxiety was so bad because of this dude that I was getting regularly getting random rashes on my hands and legs. I completely cut ties with him and the rashes stopped happening.

PitchPurple · 2021-03-14T04:07:53+00:00

I used to have panic attacks, and tried all sorts of things to solve it. It's been two years since my divorce, and I've been panic-attack free this whole time!

meinstitches · 2021-03-14T04:57:25+00:00

Yeap... I had taken 2 or 3 stress related leave weeks from work each year. Not because of work, but because of my ex. I was also suicidal because how unimportant he made me feel. He really pushed me, when you have someone who only tells you he has a birth child, 5 years after being together... When he comes home drunk, loses his job for dropping the C bomb... And never commiting. Always putting up road blocks, to my goals of wanting to buy a house together. Everything is just good on paper, crap inside.

angry_opossum_lady · 2021-03-14T07:41:18+00:00

Omg this is exactly what happened to me after my low value ex broke up with me "because he couldn't deal with my so-called anxiety I suddenly had"...

I felt so horrible after the break-up that my mom made me see a therapist (I just turned 18 at the time, still living at home) and there I found out really fast it wasn't an anxiety disorder, just very low self-esteem caused by an emotionally abusive relationship

Louie5563 · 2021-03-14T01:29:14+00:00

I was always told that I looked young...I look 16 when I’m 34. By the end of our whatever it was, I looked old. I had aged 20yrs in a span of only 5mths. It’s now been 5mths since we split and I’m getting that youthfulness back in my face

Deanacaswinchester · 2021-03-14T04:53:08+00:00

depression and my mental health fell 6 feet under. and i wish and sometimes do, wish i could be 6 feet under .

foodkeeper01 · 2021-03-14T05:11:51+00:00

Me anxiety!!! Didnt realize how much I was tolerating that as soon as I got out of the relationship life became 10x lighter

enoughalready4me · 2021-05-19T00:56:16+00:00

My psychiatrist: we have not seen you since 2019! Are you OK?

Me: I am actually great! Just wanted to discuss an AD/HD med.

Dr: you aren't taking... proceeded to list various antidepressants & anti anxiety meds.

Me: nope. Don't need 'em.

Dr: are you in talk therapy?

Me: nope. Doing great. Sleep great. No anxiety attacks, no depression.

Dr: what changed?

Me: I got divorced. Turns out, I didn't need a doctor, I needed a lawyer.

Actual conversation. And I got my Ritalin so win-win.

2021-07-20T15:39:33+00:00

Yup,like someone else in the comments said,pent up rage. Walking on egg shells just to appease someone else, because I thought that was putting my best foot forward, which wasn't the best thing to do. Then the depression hit. I started to develop a depression where it felt like 30 pounds of weight was on my shoulders,where I felt like while I was walking I felt like I was hunching over. Then my vision started to get weird. I started to get this Vision where it would feel like tunnel vision also to where things around my peripheral will have this gray tint. Again it was weird. I've had depression before, but never like this was on a whole nother level. And don't get me started on my self-esteem that I've just had gotten a grasp of going down the toilet...

mscristalconnors · 2021-03-14T17:41:51+00:00

So true. My ex gave me such bad anxiety and I had anger issues I never knew I had.

I’m much more relaxed, happy and overall less angry.

I_JustWantToFeel · 2022-05-28T03:32:29+00:00

After being told that they had a list about me of things they didn't like about me and that they felt like they needed options b, c AND d.... I was left a emotional wreck and spiraled back into depression and started to starve my self again.... then I left when b was there.... still a depressed mess..

Title	How many of you “developed” issues while in a relationship? I’ll go first: depression and anxiety. Cured as soon as we broke up.
Author	vmuzondi
Upvotes	7152
Comments	272
Date	March 13, 2021 11:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m4id39/how_many_of_you_developed_issues_while_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-many-of-you-developed-issues-while-in-a.751499 https://theredarchive.com/post/751499

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