Dating spaces gaslight the absolutely living shit out of men

mrrockydong · 2022-08-08T16:42:56+00:00

Dear lord, what the hell happened in this comment section?

govedototalno · 2022-08-09T13:56:33+00:00

Right. If a woman found out that a man was planning special dates for his previous girlfriend, while he was only willing to do low-key and low investment dates with her, then how would she feel? She'd think that her boyfriend was more interested in his ex-gf than her. That's what men feel when it comes to sex. It's not misogyny. Men and women are made to feel special in different ways and if a man discovers that his girlfriend was super promiscuous and adventurous in the past, but isn't with him, then she's communicated to him that she really isn't that into him. That's the message he will receive.

NewMeroNCity · 2022-08-09T00:24:42+00:00

I love this shit. The weak men that fall into this and the women that try and justify the behavior. It's so entertaining 🤣

Sudden-Creme-3482 · 2022-08-09T18:20:53+00:00

this kinda stuff makes me scared of committing to a girl , i am starting to think dying alone is more peaceful than being in a relationship

BecretAlbatross · 2022-08-08T15:08:33+00:00

These comments are a warzone

neolib-cowboy · 2022-08-09T00:10:46+00:00

A girl in the comments literally said this:

Lastly, it could be that she has different rules for “this is a no-strings-attached encounter and I’ll never see you again” and “I really like you and would like to potentially date you.” That’s been the case for me in the past. When I was in “ho” mode, it didn’t matter, but if it was someone I wanted to stick around, I would wait to have sex with them for at least a month or two.

A literal example of AF BB and they don't even know it.

JumboJetz · 2022-08-09T04:39:23+00:00

This post didn’t bother me. The gaslighting that bothers me is:

Man: Dating apps are so hard to find a date on

Every woman on Reddit: It’s because of your negativity you fucking asshole complainer - fuck you !!! I’d never date you because you complain anonymously about dating in a post on Reddit. Die alone you fuck!

RegTextoffender · 2022-08-08T17:15:22+00:00

This is precisely why men say they they wont wait more than 4 or 5 dates to have sex

The number is 3.

blackjackttr · 2022-08-08T15:28:40+00:00

[deleted] makes some really good points in his comment [removed]

PM_ME_YOUR_CANCON · 2022-08-09T00:17:26+00:00

Kek, jannies calm down. How can I view the uncensored comment section?

HomosapianDaGreekGod · 2022-08-09T03:05:47+00:00

spot on, OP. i wish i knew what i know now (at 24) back in highschool…

sometimes it makes me hate women…

palescope · 2022-08-11T22:17:22+00:00

This lack of empathy from women makes my blood boil.

g0juice · 2022-08-08T12:49:58+00:00

ROFL. Post removed. Hmmmmm

N0shelter · 2022-08-08T08:09:04+00:00

There's no point in trying to get validation or approval of the obvious fact that if you're a guy in this situation and you don't like how it feels you have to cut bait immediately. It's unsalvageable.

Yeah, other people feel differently, other people have different perspectives and/or different interests

Whatever

It doesn't matter

CoverYourAwrah · 2022-08-10T19:35:09+00:00

That sub deletes anything even remotely pill related in the comments. Terrible sub.

ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2022-08-08T15:32:32+00:00

His girlfriend absolutely has a right to make the decisions about her own body.

He also has the right to not stick around and be forced to pay the penance for something that didn't involve him.

szclimber · 2022-08-08T16:08:54+00:00

Different rules for different men is typical. There is a lot of censorship when men try express their feelings. Lots of struggling guys out in the world. Especially in their 20s

Rexagon_2017 · 2022-08-09T19:13:59+00:00

I'd dump her like a bad habit.

WickedBiscuit · 2022-08-08T11:55:12+00:00

Girls will look you dead in the eye and say “I care about you more and hold you in higher esteem than the guys I had sex with at the frat party, and because I like you more I am going to withhold intimacy and the most significant act of connection and affection to demonstrate this” like it’s not ass backwards.

bcool_returns · 2022-08-08T12:54:48+00:00

Par for the course. Having been giving dating advice on various subs for a few years, I'm shocked by the things that certain men hear and endure. To me that's the biggest issue: The fact that she (well, her friend) openly aired this.

For instance, take this post from a few days back: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/wdhl4q/after_first_date_girl_says_to_me_she_is_busy_this/

Sure, it's totally normal for a woman to be dating several men at once. But openly saying she's going on a date with another dude rather than doing the normal artful thing of "oh sorry, I have a friend in town today... how about Thursday?" means she doesn't respect the OP and so he should have immediately abandoned ship (or relegated to casual). OP then tried to rationalize it as her being "honest," which of course is of the same gaslighting soup you describe in your post. Deep down, instinctually, I believe men know this isn't the way interested women behave with men they respect and admire. But because of scarcity, the mental gymnastics kick in and men start gaslighting themselves, too.

Or this scenario (https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/w5fh0m/the_rudest_thing_happened_to_me_32m_on_a_date/ih7sm9u/), where an obvious party girl abruptly ends a date to go "quickly hang out with a friend" at the same venue, only to later be hanging out with several guys at their table. OP starts using some of that same gaslightly language ("I know I'm not owed anything") instead of standing tall in reality and being honest about the disrespect here.

What's the way forward? Well, for starters, men need to stop gaslighting themselves. She's just not into you, and more time needs to be spent developing boundaries, a backbone, and cultivating options, rather than twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to defend a flawed relationship where you clearly are unable to command respect. More time also needs to be spent cultivating a vocabulary of what interest looks like and what it doesn't look like. And you do this by seeking out balanced men with experience, rather than just asking questions blindly in any space.

AdventurousAd5107 · 2022-08-08T21:25:31+00:00

Any woman that talks explicitly about past sexual encounters in front of her partner or husband in front of OTHERS is doing it intentionally to rebel and stir up the pot. It’s done to be provocative and hurt. She’s a manipulator.

krinky_dink · 2022-08-08T08:20:10+00:00

This is the same phenomenon as woman pulling out the ole reliable dodge answering your question + “you’re just insecure/controlling/untrusting” whenever you question their behavior or rationally challenge it as inconsistent with their supposed value of the relationship. I’d call it more manipulation that gaslighting but I feel like it’s it’s own very specific thing.

They are so quick to go to these nonsequitir accusations because they know the only way for you to confront/deny them in a logical manner is to allow them to continue the behavior in question without further inquisition.

NationalistGoy · 2022-08-08T15:21:44+00:00

The gaslighting goes along with the subject of having standards.

A woman can have her own standards when it comes to dating, she may not date broke men, she may not date men who can't grow a beard, she may not date broke men, she may not date men who live with their parents, etc... she can have whatever standard she wants, and no one is going to trash her for it.

But if a man says "I don't date promiscuous women" or "I wouldn't marry a woman with a promiscuous past", boy all hell breaks lose, he is called retrograde, patriarchal, misogynist, oppressive.

JAE_7502 · 2022-08-08T10:49:50+00:00

I got banned from that sub a long time ago. I said that dating apps are easier for women since they have endless options they can filter through while a lot of men don’t get many or any matches. Some mod called me a misogynist and banned me. Only sub I’ve ever been banned from. The advice on that sub is usually terrible so I hope people don’t take it seriously.

Cool_Suit_7100 · 2022-08-08T11:27:24+00:00

Personally, I would not necessarily hook up immediately with a man with whom I want a serious relationship, but three months? And a month without kissing? I honestly wonder what reasons that could have. Someone doesn't just do that for no reason or to humiliate his partner. Does she want to become religious or maybe she had a traumatizing sexual experience and now needs some distance? Whatever it is, it is simply wrong of her not to have communicated this. I don't think anyone should accept this without explanation, this is not even a normal "slow approach". Simply a lack of communication in the relationship.

guilleviper · 2022-08-08T06:40:12+00:00

Thread is locked and deleted, and the mod response is

OP: How she feels about you and how she felt about them have nothing to do with each other. Your insecurities are going to ruin your relationship. Everyone else: Please help the mods by reporting every misogynist, slut-shaming comment you come across.

Yeah, I feel bad for the men who go actually there for advice.

Spiritual_Age_4992 · 2022-08-08T07:54:46+00:00

An excellent post as usual. 👍

Calling out the hypocrisy is always satisfying, cut the fact that is exists is greatly saddening

Bdog5k · 2022-08-08T21:36:33+00:00

Dude, this shit makes me so fucking mad. I’m proud to be banned from r/dating.

Like, I’ve actually given up most hope regarding woman. Seeing this like this is quite down putting. I don’t know what I’d get banned for saying but man historical atrocities make more sense.

https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/w0cvds/yes_yes_you_are/igg4tff/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

I’ve been downvoted to hell and argued this point for an entire day before. After a certain point I became less coherent because it got old/ exhausting but wow…

Thanks for arching the post. I can’t stand the retarded females that hold this opinion. You see it ALL THE TIME.

Girl whores herself out
Finds a guy, makes him wait for sex/ commit emotionally and invest
Dude finds out and is heartbroken. How could she do this to me? Why did she do that with him? She never does any of this!
Queue a retarded horde of woman saying she can

A. Do what she wants with her body B. She’s grown and is different now C. It’s none of his business D. Can’t you see you are the lucky one? She feels different about you so she’s giving you 0 pussy for 3 months and making you pay for dinners. Duh! ( they treat this like it’s desirable, dumb men too) E. Totally ignore that she was ran through and that trying to project conservative values is LYING and DECEPTIVE. F. Know that being a whore is undesirable and fight tooth and nail to get around it G. Refuse to give disclaimers to new potential partners

Filmguy000 · 2022-08-08T20:02:21+00:00

THIS. IS. WHY. YOU. NEVER. PUT. A. RING. ON. IT.

Perpetual_Question · 2022-08-08T06:32:35+00:00

This is why men never talk about their feelings, because whenever they do, they're completely lambasted for it, primarily by feminists and bluepillers. If the OP was female on the other hand, the comments would be almost universally supportive of her. The double standards are sickening.

MisanthropeImmortel · 2022-08-08T23:01:47+00:00

I wonder what all the censored comments looked like…

AngelCrumb · 2022-08-09T03:35:23+00:00

Personally I think there's something wrong with what she is doing, but I can also understand the waiting. Hook-ups can be bad for mental health and also fairly dangerous in regards to STDs, especially group stuff and anything sporadic. That said, I don't see why someone with that history would want to make a guy wait THAT long without being honest about her past (lying by omission is not very nice , and also why they would tone down the sex so much)

If a guy did this to me I'd break things off. It's not a good sign when someone is willing to be sexually open with total strangers but not a so called 'lover'.

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-08-08T10:51:11+00:00

The part that everyone seems to miss is that OOP says the friend mentioned it , however then goes on to talk about additional information.

This was these two girls making a cuck , gf and drunk friend reminiscing about a three way with a guy they didn't know in front of now boyfriend who she made wait 1 month to kiss and hasn't even had sex after 3 months.

They knew what they were doing, at least the friend did, and the gf just went along with it.

Idgaf if shes changed now or not.

Let me and my buddies ,all drunk and irreverent, discuss my raunchiest sexual past or even that one girl I used to fuck three or four times a night last year. If I did that shit in front my girlfriend who I fuck once or twice a week, bet there would be serious problems.

Side note: most three ways at a young age will only happen when the girls aren't emotionally invested. Pay attention gents, this is something women will dangle as a carrot then turn around and say they can't once you've committed enough time because now they're too into you and jealous.

Fit-Faithlessness149 · 2022-08-08T11:39:48+00:00

There was a post that somebody made in response. He claimed that his ex was still upset that with previous women he would wind them and dine them and take them out on the town but with her he was a homebody. He said he had grown as a person and didn't need all of that extravagant expense to feel content in his relationship. Threesomes are the Pinnacle of what most guys wish to experience. Imagine how most women would feel if they found out their current partner had taken a past girlfriend to a exotic vacation destination and he doesn't want to do the same with her.

Truth_Antisocial · 2022-08-08T18:51:34+00:00

Another classic here:

- Man matches with woman, exchanging messages
- Man loses job, casually and jokingly mentions it
- Woman blocks and unmatches man
- People on reddit tell man it's his fault that he "dumped all that" on the woman (not your therapist / mommy etc)

But remember, boys, women are the empathetic and gentle sex. In b4 "that's just one shitty woman! teehee"

https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/wjbahz/blocked_and_unmatched/

2022-08-11T19:01:00+00:00

But a woman won’t eat at a restaurant if she knows you’ve taken other girls there 🤦‍♂️👌

2022-08-31T02:09:39+00:00

I think the easiest way to portray how retarded the logic is, is to simply verbalize it:

“Listen sweaty, I fucked all those guys NSA because I didn’t care about them or like them very much.

But I really like you, so I’m not gonna fuck you so you don’t think I’m a slut, or you’re using me for sex.”

Imagine if a dude said that he used to pay for dates all the time, no questions asked. But for you, he makes you split it 50/50 every date because he wants to make sure you’re not a gold digger/using him for cash or free meals. Because he wants an egalitarian relationship.

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-08-08T14:52:24+00:00

full of bluepill virgin beta males and white knight feminists, they banned me because i wrote about preselection , which you can also find in studies. they dont care about scientific data about dating.....they only care about defending women and theyre just woke social justice warriors. forget this sub, seriously.

D_D_BA4 · 2022-08-08T06:52:47+00:00

Yep it's pretty sick and twisted if you think about it. Like I say men are not naturally drawn to Red and Blackpill spaces, it's just that once you take an objective look at anything the truth stares you in the face. The gaslighting will most definetly continue on this post.

teball3 · 2022-08-08T12:05:56+00:00

I'm late to the post so I assume this isn't going to be seen much, but I wanted to give a level headed blue pill take anyway. Basically as I see it, there are 2 parts to this post that require separate treatment: the example, and the gaslighting.

Starting with the example: A person's past should be considered, but there's more to them than that. If I were commenting on the original post, I'd have advised OP to communicate, and ask what led her to take a different approach than in the past and really consider whether that was what he wanted. There are a myriad of reasons she could have changed as seen from the speculation here and on that original post, but those reasons aren't worth a fart in the wind compared to the one she says. If he is still hurt and wants to leave the relationship after that, then he is entirely in the right to do so. He is a man with emotions as well, and they deserve to be respected.

Then there is the gaslighting: This is where I do agree with you, to a point. There is a strong tendency to overreact online. Women are given more benefit of the doubt, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Since in this case, not only was the reaction overblown, but the advice was also just bad, I think it's a terrible example of Blue pill ideas. If you want to hold blue pill to account for these people's idiocy, then I'm going to have to apologize on those idiots behalf.

2022-08-09T04:10:03+00:00

Women ☕️

IMendicantBias · 2022-08-08T07:32:11+00:00

It’s really fucked how how women refuse to accept we have different standards & perceptions in regards to dating. Also how they hide stuff amongst each other with it always drunkenly coming out later.

There wouldn’t have been anything wrong with her bringing that up early on for you to decide if she is your type. things like this pretty much solidify women know men don’t like sexcapades but pick temporary fun over long term consequences.

imagine yall are married with everything being fine for another drunken admission being far more serious.

little_jimmy_jackson · 2022-08-10T19:15:34+00:00

fukkin Testify OP

great post

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-08-08T07:54:01+00:00

What’s shocking is how the amount of people on this sub that downplay this shit happening. Im not a huge fan of RP but they get it right on women making one guy wait but banging another guy quickly. It’s very common for girls with either low laycounts, reformed hoe phase girls that I’ve banged have made some dorky guy wait and relationship/conservative girls who break their rules for me. This is why partially I’ll never agree with if she sleeps with you fast=she must be easy. When the reality is when you know the game her making you wait is an indicator of lower value/lack of attraction.

Best_Illustrator_137 · 2022-08-08T10:14:04+00:00

Lol, bro you got me fucked up if you think my girl had a threesome and I gotta wait a month just to kiss..wtf are we in 4th grade..? Also, you are absolutely right, men and women look for different things and take different thinks into account, for men its a woman’s past, and for women it’s usually a mans future. If she’s supposedly madly in love or “wants you for a relationship” like they gaslighted then she’d actually want to jump you at any chance or would actually give it up easier seeing as she actually likes you, but nah 3 months for vanilla sex but she gave a random dude she didn’t even know a threesome, yeah okay. Don’t listen to women on dating advice for men.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2022-08-08T17:40:05+00:00

reddit is full of virgins and that's not an insult, they just put women on a pedestal and are oblivious to anything other than the object of pure unadulturated female in their minds. It is not hard for other women to play along with and they will; the sacrifice of these men which benefits her.

AutoModerator · 2022-08-08T06:18:30+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

svt765 · 2022-08-08T17:46:24+00:00

Then he should not date her - issue solved.

reureutakesonreddit · 2022-08-27T06:07:25+00:00

Any normal guy would break up with her immediately after that encounter. The gaslighting is sociopathic.

WorldController · 2022-08-08T09:22:52+00:00

Dating spaces gaslight the absolutely living shit out of men

I strongly concur. Not too long ago I was banned from r/datingoverforty for defending a poor guy who was in a vulnerable state and heavily downvoted for venting his grief and frustrations. During my exchanges with the downvoters, I linked feminism—which is the single-most powerful movement preserving society's vast inequality vis-à-vis sexual fulfillment—to his unfortunate situation and was told this violated their rule on "gendered agendas," which reads as follows:

This is a place to discuss dating and relationships over 40. It's not a place to push gendered agendas; it's not a place to talk about all the reasons not to date; it's not a place to talk about everything wrong with dating people over 40; and it's not a place to talk about everything that's wrong with your target gender. This is a sub that intends to be positive about dating, sex, and relationships over 40, and that includes being positive or at least civil towards all genders and life stages.

Basically, despite their rule, the downvoters, who mostly offered this guy the typical cliché victim-blaming advice championed by feminists who refuse to empathize with sexually frustrated men or address and ameliorate the cultural causes of their social exclusion from sexual interactions, were permitted to spout their feminist and misandric rhetoric. Meanwhile, I was banned, not for trash-talking women, but simply for attacking feminism, implying the two are one and the same. As far as I am concerned, since it is a common tactic by feminists to erroneously conflate antifeminism with misogyny in order to confuse people into thinking that criticism of their movement equals or necessitates hatred of women, this essentially confirms that their mod team is indeed feminist.

What bothered me most about this is all the deceit. By not specifying which "gendered agendas" they prohibit, these feminist mods give the false impression of neutrality on the matter, which affords them plausible deniability whenever they enforce the rule against antifeminists. Another thing that struck me as awful and unfair was the culture of toxic positivity they impose, which, given that men are far more likely to be sexually unfulfilled, is evidently a covert attempt to censor men and invalidate their experiences.

beleidigtewurst · 2022-08-08T15:15:44+00:00

Men who struggle to date are constantly told it must be because of their bad personality

That's one lovely lie.

why do women initiate ~80% of divorces?

It actually is different from country to a country.

Where it is THAT skewed, men are screwed up royally after divorce.

This is also visible via other curious studies.

Wife's happiness has major impact on chances of divorce. Husband's happiness? Barely.

2255443tamim · 2022-08-09T05:44:16+00:00

It’s really a strange concept to me most of the women and men near me are virgins and it’s worth the wait for them , but also divorce rate are at peak lol

Logry · 2022-08-08T06:57:26+00:00

e drunkenly mentioned the time in college where her, my girlfriend and some guy at a frat party they attended had a threesome

The porblem is that such situation is always declared as a "too perfect" starting point of discussion. So this well organised quotation of yours wonb't be listened to.

Narwhalbaconguy · 2022-08-08T20:26:02+00:00

Thank god I almost never run into people like this IRL. I’d have an aneurism.

2022-08-09T04:09:29+00:00

Society never scammed me on this. NEVER DATE A BITCH 💘😂

yehhey · 2022-08-08T15:06:14+00:00

Problem isn’t that his GF did that in college. It’s that he didn’t have a satisfying sex life in college and now he feels insecure. Had he picked up a girl within an hour of meeting her when he was younger it wouldn’t make the difference to him. He idealized her for something she’s not, and it’s a bummer he gets called a misogynist for this. He’s not, simply believes in fairytales where everyone is exactly how they seem.

MAGA-Latino · 2022-08-08T06:43:05+00:00

The only reason females come on these subs is to try and trick the betas. So in the future they will still be BB to save them.

Marshalchuck · 2022-08-15T19:32:29+00:00

This is a body count question. If she's now a missionary only chick and has a past, she's either got him logged up as husband material or she's just toying with him. I would have made a beeline out of the bar, not knowing the rest of her past wouldn't have been on the list. Everybody knows what a boring bedroom means to a modern woman. That's a reason to cheat and find someone different. She's made him a beta and will want "chad" soon enough.

EIDLLL · 2022-08-30T00:00:03+00:00

Seems like straight women and straight men can never truly empathize with each other.

ragdoll-princess · 2022-08-31T03:32:33+00:00

Having hooked up at one time does not obligate you to instantly bust it open on every first date following the hookup.

hari_hbp · 2022-08-08T07:51:03+00:00

Not really. To be honest, if this had happened to me, I wouldn't have made a post about it. Probably because I'll just rationalize it with some stupid reason and move on.

Maybe she is not that attracted to him. Maybe she found the threesome way more exciting than sex with just this guy (which makes perfect sense), maybe she didn't trust him that much (at the time).

OR

Maybe her standards for sex has changed. Maybe her preferences changed. Maybe she is more prudish now. Maybe she "values" this guy more and is more careful.

Doesn't matter what her reasons are. The only questions that matter are - Is the new guy happy with her? Is the new guy having a satisfying sex life? - if the answer is no to any of these, leave her. You can't change the past but you can take control of your present and future.

As a sidenote, most women have had a hookup/ONS. So every guy "made to wait" should know that there's always another guy who "got it early". It's better to accept that and move on. Don't try to find out the reason, there's no point to it.

As for those comments, you can try to find the positives out of it and if you don't want to, ignore. "Insecure", "Incel" and other words have just become buzzwords now, so be careful about taking comments with these words seriously, especially in a dating space. #Positive_Vibes

johnnybayarea · 2022-08-08T07:13:55+00:00

You can't particularly "claim diff rules for diff men", unless she turns around in her next relationship and puts out immediately. She could have out grown her hoe activities...as portrayed by her very stringent 1mo 3mo rules. She might be trying to find jesus by overcompensating for her past...(only time will tell)

All that person can do is either believe her and hope for the best, or bounce...at least you accidentally found out something you didn't like pretty early on.

Personally, if I were gonna get out, I would talk her into that non vanilla sex he might want, have fun with it, get his own 3some, then walk when he out grows it himself.

2022-08-08T20:21:11+00:00

Another story of double standards.

herefortheparty01 · 2022-08-08T10:27:03+00:00

It’s r sex. It’s never the woman fault. Dude fell for a slut. His feelings mean nothing. R/sex is just another fds.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-08-08T07:14:16+00:00

It's hard for me to feel sorry for guys like this when they willingly go into these situations only to later complain about them. If he would have set sexual boundaries when he first met her, he wouldn't be in this situation. Instead, he let her dictate the pace of the relationship and when they would have sex and just assumed she kept the same boundaries with every other guy. As the saying goes, asumption is the mother of all fuck ups.

lady_ven0m · 2022-08-08T17:21:52+00:00

I don’t think either one of them is wrong they’re just not compatible and they just figured that out. No big deal, both should move on and find people they’re compatible with.

LtDAlnilam · 2022-08-08T11:01:23+00:00

Couldn't have said it better myself

returning_op2 · 2022-08-08T18:17:39+00:00

Sex is part of a relationship, if the sex is bad you two aren't meant for each-other.

Thus if a guy or a girl (mostly) is making you wait for sex, you should leave. Why invest so much time into someone when after three months, one night later, you want to leave them? Sex should come before commitment. It should be the same for women - why spend even two days with someone you aren't compatible with sexually if a sexually fulfilling relationship isn't your goal? If sex is so fucking unimportant to test compatibility for her, which may happen to be the case a few times, but it's important for you, RUN. You are not being treated as a man, but as husband material and provider or in other words, BB.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-08-08T07:02:05+00:00

I would just tell my woman not to hangout or affiliate with women who glorify degenerate shit, if she doesn't listen to me then she was never really my woman to begin with and I can cut my losses. No man should have to sit through that kind of shit, the role of men in relationships is to lead from the front and build your household.

Too many men take a backseat rather than dare to exert any authority over their women, they let their childish insecurities fester then they come and whine about it on the internet.

ManWazo · 2022-08-08T10:00:23+00:00

Why did he agreed to wait 3months for sex if he wanted to have sex/threesome on first date? There's plenty of fish in the sea, and if you dont like the taste of one then just fish another. His situation sucks but nobody is forcing him into this relationship.

2022-08-09T22:22:26+00:00

Rule :1. Know thy audience. Don't try and take an unpopular view is a sub that has a dogmatic agenda.

onisoyyc · 2022-08-30T17:13:32+00:00

All I gotta say is; 3 MONTHS?! Oh nah you got me fucked up😂😂

Rubber-duck7203 · 2022-08-08T06:47:58+00:00

I mean people change. She's allowed to change what she likes. These two just needed to talk about why she's changed and how each of them feels about it. And if he's not happy he can always end the relationship. There's nothing wrong with what she's doing. There's nothing wrong with him not liking what she's doing.

That being said, in the rest of your post you're lumping all women together. Not all women give bad advice, not all women write serial killers or become single mothers, or have different values for different guys. Some do. Some don't. On the flip side, plenty of men date female inmates, have different values for their wives/girlfriends and their mistresses, and knowingly father children then abandon parental duties. Being shitty isn't reserved to one gender. That comment thread had a lot of reasonable takes with lots of upvotes.

Both genders have bad people. Both genders have a lot of stupid people. Don't base your opinion of an entire gender based on the worst/stupidest people. Both men and women need to judge the men and women in their lives as individuals.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-08-08T16:58:35+00:00

It's definitely a real thing despite a lot of women's claim to the contrary, I'm so glad I married a virgin when I see shit like this lol, but at the end of the day yeah her past is her decision and if he's smart and it bothers him that much, dismiss her and on to the next

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-08-08T19:41:45+00:00

I disagree on one point.

He's been gaslighted, yes, but on the point of sexual incompatibility.

He's not finding the relationship sexually satisfying. He should just leave.

If apparently she has figured out everything regarding sex through experimenting with other guys and girls, then there's no room in this relationship for him and his sexuality.

Men get shamed for leaving relationships after the sex dies, but is there any better way for nature to be saying that the relationship doesn't work?

Vohsrek · 2022-08-08T23:00:47+00:00

Take from a mostly blue pill woman:

I’ve never deliberately formulated a plan to delay intimacy with men I want to pursue romantically as opposed to strictly sexually. I’m very very picky with who I sleep with or date, not because I think I’m a prize but because I have a lot of options and don’t connect on a mental level with most people. With my ex, we were friends and study partners for about a week before a late night study session turned into an all nighter at his house where we realized we were basically the same person in different bodies. That same night we slept together, he asked me out, and we were inseparable after that.

Now, there are men who I kissed or got a little intimate with much faster than my ex (even though a week isn’t that long imo) because I didn’t see a potential for friendship or romance; not because I was more physically attracted to them, but because I wasn’t interested in anything else beyond a brief sexual encounter. If I never saw them again, I didn’t care. There are men I am physically attracted to everywhere, but without that mental condition I just can’t move forward. When I do find someone I am romantically attracted to, I would rather be friends than nothing at all, and so proceed as friends would to build a good foundation and connection with that person before moving on to intimacy. Otherwise, I risk setting a pretense of FWB or being seen as a ONS. That is an example of the above situation from a woman’s perspective, in real life.

I think for many women, it’s just a thoughtless from moment to moment thing. We are not like men - scarce resources and options as far as sex goes, very sexually driven and physically lustful - there are a million different factors that could affect her actions beyond “she only wants you for your money and emotional support while she pursues ‘alphas’”. Perhaps she was going through a difficult time and didn’t have the emotional energy for sex, maybe she started an antidepressant which demolished her libido recently, or maybe the wind just changed directions and she just wasn’t horny as often anymore.

Yes, there are women out there who “reclaim” their virginity (looking at you, Amber from Alpha Beta McFry who dated my buddy in college) to gain moral high ground, who deliberately use their sex appeal to get things from men, or who become too comfortable in a good relationship and begin taking their partner for granted. Yes, it’s wrong. But I think the main issue in OP’s example is that the gf was speaking about her past experiences - specifically ones which were hurtful to her boyfriend - without considering his feelings. It’s hurtful, disrespectful and ignorant.

Bottom line: we are all human, there will always be bad apples. Respect yourself, set clear boundaries and COMMUNICATE with your partner always always always. If your partner isn’t actively considerate of your feelings and showing you their love and support, it’s time to renegotiate terms of service.

ChudBuck · 2022-08-08T08:08:29+00:00

Clear sign for him to break it off immediately. Whoever's fault it is, his or hers for there not being a similar level of sexual energy, does not matter and it's too late. Only a pathetic excuse of a man would stat and put up with that reality

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-08-08T18:24:30+00:00

dont be a loser simp who waits on sex from any bitch. what the fuck is it you all fucking want anymore.

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-08-08T06:55:47+00:00

Modern day women don't like the concept of being accountable for their past actions

Accountable for what? The woman in the story didn't do anything wrong really.

women have different rules for different guys

As opposed to men who treat all women the same right?

daddysgotanew · 2022-08-08T15:48:10+00:00

Most women are whores. They’ll give it up instantly for the dude with the right combination of traits, or even just one that she really wants. Once you learn this, that’s when the fun starts; you stop giving a shit, you stop putting them on the pedestal, and you start realizing that it’s just your turn and that eventually she’s going to move on and go be a whore with someone else. It’s freeing in a way, because you get to a point where you realize that you can just go get another one yourself, and that none of it really matters in the end.

The only rules are:

Fuck her fast (preferably on the first date)
Fuck her good (to where she comes around when you ask her to)
Don’t get overtly invested. If she falls in love with you cool. If not, who gives a shit. There’s another girl that will deepthroat you even better.

I’m no male model but I seem to always fall into some new pussy in time. I really don’t care if they leave anymore. I can eventually get another one.

WillfulGrapefruit · 2022-08-08T07:16:23+00:00

I think you're reading a lot into this story. Someone "masquerading as conservative sexually"? Maybe she didn't enjoy the threesome, maybe she regrets it, maybe she's changed and not looking for that kind of thing anymore. Your take is a little too dramatic and conspiratorial.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-08-08T07:06:49+00:00

You can make a case that the OP's feelings were invalidated.

Gaslighting, however, does not apply here at all.

SmakeTalk · 2022-08-08T16:01:52+00:00

So just to be clear: if a girl has kinky sex at all in her life she has to always have kinky sex for the rest of it?

I’m not gonna say that original poster or you shouldn’t want more adventurous sex, but at the bare minimum it sounds like he was just very sexually unsatisfied with his partner before he even knew her past. He settled for her because he’s scared of being alone, and when he finds out she maybe wanted a more conservative sex life with him over an adventurous one with random men he took it as an insult?

Again, he’s welcome to be offended and dump her. We all have that right. Don’t go suggesting she needs to behave a certain way due to her past though if he can’t have the fucking guts to end a relationship that’s already not working for him.

He’s a god damn coward, it’s not about her at all.

RealAmericanWeasel · 2022-08-08T14:49:57+00:00

I have to admit I’m not very familiar with the term gaslighting. I think people can change so I can’t say for sure what is going on here. It does seem a little backwards that making someone wait for sex as a reward for more interest. I would think this kind of illogical thinking would carry over to other aspects of life so people would be advicsed to tread lightly with this type of person.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-08-09T01:41:03+00:00

I think you are conflating things here.

Firstly, as a man you can create whatever boundary you like such as women need to sleep with you within a few dates. However, understand the pros and cons. You are less likely to find relationship oriented women or women with low counts through that method - but I guess the positive is that you get sex quickly and prevent this type of situation - where someone makes you wait but not others.

Secondly, I don't think shaming women helps as it pushes more women to lie or not "take accountability". Your comment implies that a woman owes every future man an explanation of her past which she doesn't. Women can create boundaries around bringing their past up. It's unreasonable to expect everyone to operate the same way from being a teenager to adult - that's a fair point.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-08-09T22:35:02+00:00

I think both men and women get gaslighted. I’ve seen this same terrible situation with the genders reversed, especially on this subreddit. I hope this guy finds a woman who truly loves him.

operapeach · 2022-08-08T14:54:52+00:00

I’m sorry, you expect sex after 4 dates? I’d be kicking your ass out the door if you felt that entitled. 4 dates could happen in 1-2 weeks and there’s no guarantee you’ll be footing the bill each time, either, considering how begrudgingly most men pay for things (apparently).

I don’t sleep with anyone I’m not in a relationship with. The more you pester people about having sex with you immediately, especially if they aren’t also alluding to it, the less sex you’re going to get.

JeffBaugh2 · 2022-08-08T15:26:15+00:00

This kind of stuff doesn't get to me because I've also had freaky sex adventures when I was younger, including with some women I didn't know all that well. It's not something I'm especially in the habit of anymore, so why would I care if someone else has too? I mean shit, if you make it through college and you haven't had a threesome, what are you doing?

Guys, get out there and live a little.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-08T08:43:05+00:00

Y’all ever considered she had a shitty threesome when she was drunk one night then vowed never to do it again cause she hated it and now she waits before rushing into stuff with new partners?

It’s called learning what your boundaries are,

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-08-08T08:03:11+00:00

While I do totally understand feeling uncomfortable that all this was aired in front of you, if women fucked every guy we were vaguley interested in from the start, we'd all be "too slutty." You either like slutty women (their slutty past too), or you expect women to just be sluts for you.

As an added bonus, here's a comment chain of a woman telling me I should listen to women who said they prefer partners near their height instead of looking at actual empirical evidence from studies in peer reviewed scientific journals.

How is that an "added bonus"? An added bonus to what, exactly? Excuses for being insecure and an enternal victim? You seriously want to spend your precious time upset because you read a study that contradicts what women say they like? It's sad.

StrengthMoggNormies · 2022-08-13T08:24:29+00:00

If a woman is willing to have sex with a guy within 3 months of meeting him, sorry, she’s not wife material. If she dates 3 men over the course of a year, and she’s been doing that for 5 years, that’s 15 dicks inside her. The more sexual partners a woman has, the less capable she is of bonding with you. One of the reasons modern women are considered the worse since the fall of Rome is precisely because they’re so willing to open their legs to strangers they’ve only know for a couple of weeks or months. I agree, the woman you are referring to is a terrible person, but the solution for men not to wait more than 4 or 5 dates, that solves nothing. Congratulations, by not waiting you ended with some man’s sloppy seconds who is incapable of pair bonding! That relationship will surely last!

LucyintheskyM · 2022-08-08T07:49:29+00:00

So if a person is just out, looking for some fun, finds a couple and ended up Ina threesome, they're just enjoying pleasure with others. Later, they find someone they like. Because they have feelings for this person, intimacy will likely lead to deeper feelings, and more hurt if they cease the relationship, so they choose to wait until they feel more secure in the relationship before being intimate with their partner. I. The first instance, feelings weren't involved so they wouldn't be hurt, so they were happy to have a physical encounter. In the second, feelings were involved, and when feelings are involved intimacy can increase those feelings, so they were more careful. It has nothing to do with the current beauty standards or perceived attractiveness of a partner, but with how you see the relationship going. If I am invested in a relationship, sex can be a beautiful, intimate, loving act. If I'm not, it can be a beautiful, pleasurable and impersonal act.

For me, and women like me, it's not about the attraction to the partner, or the amount of dates, but how much we want a relationship with them.

CardiBacardi2022 · 2022-08-08T18:01:47+00:00

ok so what is the rule here? If you’re a woman and have promiscuous sex at a party at some point in your 20s, you must always put out on the first date forever? For the rest of your life? And can never say oh let’s wait until we know each other better, because then you’ll be AF BB girl? Is that the rule?

Stop_Maximum · 2022-08-08T07:55:06+00:00

I get where everyone is coming from but what someone has done in the past on an impulse doesn’t necessarily mean or should affect the dating life. She had a threesome with a stranger who she probably won’t see anymore, and was done on impulse. Now back to dating, some people have different standards to dating vs casual dating/hookup.

If you’re wanting to date someone seriously, you might want to take it slow not to end up dating someone only for the sexual part. Sometimes people rush things in relationships and realise they have nothing in common.

I would say in my experience I did the same. I’ve never slept with anyone tho. But kissing someone I wasn’t interested didn’t phase me at all. But when it came to dating seriously, I wanted to know more about the person and ensure my judgment was not clouded by how they kiss, how they touch me or stuff like that.

He can feel that way, but everyone is different and communicating with her at this point is the best solution.

Demasii · 2022-08-08T19:27:48+00:00

However when we started dating, she wouldn’t even kiss me for like a month, and she wanted to wait for 3 months of dating before we even had sex for the first time.

Timeline doesn't make sense for him to be this upset.

No woman will have a boyfriend and not kiss him for a month.

Most likely what happened was the following -

They met and he was talking to her the first month. He really liked her and was "dating" her in his mind.
She finally decided there is dating potential in him the second month while dating other men.
She agree to be in a relationship with him the third month and had sex.

decoy88 · 2022-08-08T09:02:18+00:00

Whenever I see these type of posts, I go check out the link. And the comments OP complains about are never in the top comments.

My question OP is: do you sort by controversial?

Or is it possible you notice the comments you disagree with more.

r/dating is less a “bluepill cesspool” and more an ANTI-INCEL space. And is highly reactive to threads wuty multiple incel-sounding comments.

When will these fuckers understand that NOONE likes incels. They are fucking cancer. Even other manospherians hate incels.

EDIT: this is just another “I’m allowed to change my preferences and habits as I grow, but women can’t it’s not fair!”

neetykeeno · 2022-08-08T10:33:42+00:00

"I was kind of uncomfortable talking about it generally"

and

"But she isn't the sort of girl to rush into things with me" "But apparently she's just not into kinky things with me"

Well yknow... that's cos he's a fucking prude and she has decided she needs to respect that in him? I mean jeez. If a man said "my wife has always been very proper very vanilla very embarrassed by anything other than the missionary position, can barely talk about threesomes etc so I just don't even ask her for anal or talk about banging the softball team in college or anything like that" all you men's rights types would get it. Delicate fragile feminine flower, respectful man.

Take the role of being chaste and prudish not just in deed but also in thoughts and words and what you are doing is challenging someone to make that sacrifice for you. Well done, he found someone willing to put their usual behaviour aside to create the environment that his evident mortification in every discussion about sex with him would have indicated he was demanding.

The reason that he didn't push for sex was because he's a prude. If she hadn't held off, he'd still be wanking into socks.

Tushie77 · 2022-08-08T12:12:48+00:00

Your empirical studies are lacking.

The first is a sample of 650 college students in the Netherlands (which, by the way, has the highest mean height of any country), and the second is a data table with no sources & no context.

Do better please! This stuff matters.

Swaggy_Mcswagson · 2022-08-08T16:32:44+00:00

Yeah I was gaslighted before. It really has killed any interest I have of talking to women. If one were to speak to me( not gonna happen anyway) would look at them, ignore them and just walk away cause it’s not worth it.

bitchesandincelshit · 2022-08-08T20:16:57+00:00

If you were going to have MMF threesome with one of your guy friends, who would you rather to do it with? Pick up a girl from a club, or share your gf with him?

MisterBastahrd · 2022-08-09T22:09:43+00:00

All I noticed is that the complaintant is very sensitive to the availability of what isn't his to take. Women don't owe you sex. They don't even owe you a smile. And whatever they did for anyone else doesn't mean they owe YOU anything. That's not a blue pill thing, a red pill thing or any pill thing. It's the way life is. You're not a fucking five year old crying because your sister got ice cream and you didn't. Get the fuck over it.

Boo hoo. Poor guy didn't get to have a college orgy with other people. Boo hoo, he had to wait before this person, who left him waiting for a month, even kissed him. The fact that she even paid attention to him paralyzed his fucking brain and left him unable to even consider dating someone else. Some men are apparently too stupid to have agency.

Title	Dating spaces gaslight the absolutely living shit out of men
Author	HazyMemory7
Upvotes	901
Comments	465
Date	August 8, 2022 6:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wj1eu2/dating_spaces_gaslight_the_absolutely_living_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dating-spaces-gaslight-the-absolutely-living-shit.1127208 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127208

Comments

Wife's happiness has major impact on chances of divorce. Husband's happiness? Barely.