Getting hobbies is useless advice for dating.

Troublen421 · 2024-06-21T19:45:38+00:00

What women say will happen: "Women love interesting men with hobbies, get a hobby - you will meet more women and they will find your skill/hobby interesting, you can't fail! I know 4567 people who all met their SOs doing hobbies!"

What Society Says will happen: "Don't get hobbies or join sports etc to meet women, do it for yourself, if you meet a women it's a bonus, but that is how a few of my friends met their S.O's. Maybe you'll be lucky and connect with someone"

What ACTUALLY happens: You join a new co-ed hobby, sport, etc. and are passionate about it, or you have an existing hobby. the group is 80% men and 20% women. 75% of the women are already partnered up. the rest only use online dating because they can't get more attractive men than the ones at the hobby. you doa hail mary and join Yoga/Volunteering where it's 90% women, but they all avoid you when they find out you are single.

I also agree with you OP that hobbies are agnostic to attraction (unless you are a professional).

It reminds me of a BRUUUTTAL experience I had post college, similar to yours.

I was crushing/hanging with a girl a few times, and she casually mentioned that there was this beaautiffullllll man playing piano at the student union one time and she had a HUGE crush on him because she heard him play. she waxed poetic about how he was "no one" until she heard him play and his playing turned her on, and how "I don't care what the guy looks like, if he can hit those keys im turned on". Well I knew the guy (funny enough) was classically good looking, etc. he also was just....ok at piano. he was playing the beginning bars of fur elise (poorly).

what she didn't know was that I had 15 year of classical training and could play incredibly moving, beautiful romantic peices - those of you are prob not familiar with them - artists like liszt, debussy, rachmaninoff...real moving shit.

so one day she finds the piano (waxing poetic about the guy again) and asks me if I coud play.

I sit down and play un suspiro by liszt, which arguably incredibly beautiful and impressive (srsly look it up).

After I'm done with the song (which was only like 5 mins long), I look up and she's a few steps away, scrolling through instagram on her phone sitting down and says "oh, nice, well - let's go walk to the next class".

she never, ever, brought up the guy again though.

She knew that I caught her in a total lie -that it was his looks that did it for her. and that if she brought it up again it meant that I might think I have a chance since I was a much much much better player.

Clean_Woodpecker_974 · 2024-06-22T03:47:25+00:00

It's a platitude bluepillers use to shut you up.

Dertross · 2024-06-21T21:01:31+00:00

"get a hobby" is just a normie buzzword they use so they can pretend if a man can't get a woman it's due to a character flaw on his part because admitting women just aren't interested in "good" men, a good man can easily be alone just from bad luck, conflicts with the "women are wonderful" concept.

If having a hobby mattered, why don't women need hobbies? I never see the advice slung in the other direction, yet the advise is ostensibly gender neutral.

DarayRaven · 2024-06-21T17:09:48+00:00

Growing up I always was made fun of by both men and women at school for liking racing

I had an opposite experience, growing up in my home town as a guy, you absolutely had to be knowledgeable about racing cars or sports in general or you'll get socially criticized

Whiskeymyers75 · 2024-06-21T18:21:55+00:00

The problem with Reddit dating advice is it comes mostly from people without any dating experience. It’s generally white knight simps telling you to get a hobby. Most women don’t give two shits about your hobby.

AcephalicDude · 2024-06-21T17:15:54+00:00

I think a lot of "dating advice" overlaps with general life advice. The logic is pretty simple: nobody wants to be with a depressed loser that has no money and is a negative buzzkill, so you should figure out how to make yourself happy, how to be motivated in your work-life and how to be a positive presence in social situations before you even start to think about dating. Getting a hobby is one way you can make yourself happier, more confident, more pleasant to be around. It can also be a means for actually meeting women, but that is secondary. I think everyone acknowledges that you don't need to share hobbies with the woman you are dating, it's more about just enjoying each other's company.

W-Pilled · 2024-06-21T18:18:20+00:00

It's usually women who say this kind of stuff because they are used to men approaching them everywhere

profstarship · 2024-06-21T17:27:41+00:00

Getting hobbies has 2 aspects. Meeting women without romantic intent to perhaps pursue if there is mutual interest in eachother. And to make you a well rounded person who has something going on besides work and looking for women. The idea is not that any girl with that hobby will fall for you, it's that it makes you an interesting person. But hobbies don't replace that look of quiet desperation some men have that drive women away. That requires more internal work.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-06-21T17:11:54+00:00

Shouldn’t the takeaway here be that your specific hobby isn’t much help to you personally - i.e. the “baseball fuck” with the cute girlfriend presumably has a hobby (baseball)?

eeekkkgg · 2024-06-22T01:35:53+00:00

Exactly. Most people don't have real hobbies, they just watch Netflix and listen to random new music, and they do fine.

tacticaltossaway · 2024-06-21T17:15:30+00:00

When they say "get a hobby" they mean "get a normie hobbie that makes you cooler".

Personalix · 2024-06-21T18:11:54+00:00

Looksmaxing + hobbies is the way.

Once you reach the minimum looks threshold you can meet people randomly and something can happen.

Velnoartrid · 2024-06-21T18:37:43+00:00

Idk redditors seem to think everyone has a handful of quirky hobbies but from what I've seen irl virtually everyone does nothing but watches tv shows and is addicted to social media, with a sprinkle of shallow hedonism on the weekends like getting wasted as much as possible, preferably hooking up with a rando in the process

uterine_blackmail · 2024-06-21T19:51:17+00:00

Having hobbies is only good for yourself, but it won't make you attractive. Whoever tells people to get hobbies to pull more men/women is detached from reality and pretty stupid. What the hell are hobbies going to do? If there is no attraction, you can't generate it through hobbies. An ugly man or an ugly woman won't magically generate attraction by having interesting hobbies.

If you think about it, "get hobbies" is not only useless advice but it stems from the just-world-fallacy. People refuse to face the brutality of life and want to believe that things are in their control even when they are not. An unattractive guy will be told to get confidence, a nice haircut, and get hobbies, because people don't want to acknowledge that his situation is fucked beyond repair. And same applies to ugly women.

Neckmyselfsoon · 2024-06-21T23:42:04+00:00

Yeah seen this and things similar to this so many times. You can't work your way around rules 1&2, they will always apply.

gigrabbit · 2024-06-22T16:37:04+00:00

Dating IS the hobby for most average women and higher value dudes

pence_secundus · 2024-06-22T04:24:05+00:00

The girls who go to those hobbies will also date attractive guys they meet at those hobbies, it's not like anything changes.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-06-21T18:09:48+00:00

Hobbies should be for yourself anyway.

I think the issue with "getting hobbies" as advice, is that they don't help you meet women unless it's a hobby that women like.

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2024-06-21T20:37:11+00:00

Yeah, a lot of blue pillers like to give indirect advice.

The point is to make you busy, interesting, and happy. Which can make you more attractive. If hobbies do not do that for you or you don't have that problem, it makes that advice useless.

Instead of bullshit, "do this and wait for yourself to get lucky" type advice, you actually need to tackle it head-on like red pillers do.

P.S, I'm purple pilled.

Unusual_Implement_87 · 2024-06-21T17:44:38+00:00

You will just end up being an ugly guy who has hobbies. Unless you gain status from the hobby, like if you become a successful twitch streamer, or win a darts competition then hobbies are useless.

Anything that does not improve your looks, money, or status will not help you.

OkProfessional9405 · 2024-06-21T18:10:08+00:00

The hobbies are supposed to be hobbies the opposite sex likes.

Btw, I raced ICC and stock moto on a TrackMagic chassis. Now I race a Spec E46 I built during COVID.

MothBoySailor · 2024-06-21T18:30:22+00:00

I think the thought is less "having hobbies will get you pussy" and more "having hobbies will give you purpose in life so you don't make getting pussy the only thing in this world that matters to you".

GhostXmasPast342 · 2024-06-21T18:07:07+00:00

Hobbies work for dating if you are already good at the hobby and you are attractive. I may like dancing and love to dance but if I can’t dance and I’m not attractive I will be going home by myself every time. EVERY TIME!

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2024-06-21T18:35:46+00:00

I think it can be good advice, depending on the problem.

I've seen men on Reddit post things like "HELP. I can't get a girlfriend. I have no friends. I have nothing to talk about; my mind goes blank. I have no personality."

In that case, that's when I ask them if they have hobbies. And if they don't, they should get some. Because when you have nothing going on in your life, and you do nothing but scroll through Reddit in your free time, you're going not to have much to talk about. You need to have experience in order to be able to better connect with people. You're going to have a hard time dating if your mind goes blank every time a woman talks to you. Sure if you're attractive you may be able to hook up here and there. But good luck keeping a woman around.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-06-21T19:22:57+00:00

Not everything works for every woman, but there are some hobbies that make you instantly more attractive to a lot of women.

Here are some examples of ones that will make quite a lot of women sit up and take notice:

Playing an instrument, especially if you are performing publicly and are at all popular
Travel (especially to exotic locations)
Riding a motorcycle
Racing cars (unfortunately go karts is much more niche)
Speaking another language
Fashion
Fixing and driving classic cars
Skiing - especially if you are an expert and/or do this in exotic locations

Many of the above apply to me and every single one of those has instantly made a woman much more interested in me at one time or another.

PriestKingofMinos · 2024-06-22T03:19:04+00:00

Reading through the thread I think you are broadly correct, OP. Hobbies are meant to enrich your life on their own. If you make some friends along the way or even find your life partner thats even better. It's likely you will be able to make some male friends because most hobbies are fairly male dominated to begin with and as time goes on most people who still do hobbies are becoming more serious about them making the hobbies more exclusive with higher entry costs and steeper learning curves. Very few community based hobbies have large numbers of women.

As a rule of thumb most hobbies will not make you more attractive to most women. Bowling, biking, fishing, woodworking, collecting old coins etc are not really interesting to most women. For as much as women might complain about "male dominated spaces" most men would welcome and be fine with more women there. It's just most women don't find those things interesting. It's actually somewhat surprising how little men and women often bond over shared interests an how few shared interests most couples actually have. This runs in both directions where men tend to not care that much if a woman crotchets or gardens they just like her for her looks and personality. Women tend to not care if a guy runs in marathons or likes watercoloring. Most people are going to connect more based on compatible personality types.

I agree thats no reason to give up a hobby. Just understand that for men that hobbies

Are not a great place to meet women
Women there are unlikely going to bond with you over the hobby
Women outside your hobby will likely not be interested in it (if they were they would be doing that hobby)

For women it's basically going to be the opposite on points 1 & 2. I have to say I'm genuinely surprised at how similar my interests and values are to some women and how little that interested them at all. There have been a few girls who did like me where we liked some of the same stuff (mostly movies, art, and comedy) Conversely, of the few women who have ever liked me we were often fairly different. In some ways a hobby is a thing for a man to do so he isn't hanging around his wife all day. He can go golfing for a couple hours so she can have the house to herself.

one_time_animal · 2024-06-22T04:22:50+00:00

I think you always need friend groups to maximize opportunities. Most groups will spill over into bars and trips and get togethers so maintaining male friendships through focused activity is going to be useful.

And I think women are always looking for boxes to put men in because they are looking to wear men around like an accessory, so if she thinks other people will think you having a hobby is interesting will be of benefit to her.

and lastly I think hobbies tend to come down to earth as we age. So if you have a sexy hobby like something that can make millions of dollars in the common person's mind they'll get deluded about you and also the aforementioned accessorizing, but as we get older hobbies tend to come more down to earth and we're just impressed that anyone has energy to do anything.

and lastly lastly physical hobbies will keep you active so that's extremely valuable

Ultimately I agree but I think hobbies should increase the chances of a relationship just by increasing the number of interactions you have and the chance someone can pin a particular style to you that they like the idea of presenting to other people.

Oh, and lastly lastly I did have a roommate who had no sex or girlfriend for years that started to have some success with women because he worked on expensive luxury cars and started posting photos to his instagram which associates him with high wealth.

KayRay1994 · 2024-06-21T17:05:33+00:00

So hobbies are useless because…. you had this one interest and met a girl and she had a boyfriend?

given your tone, maybe the problem isn’t the hobby…….

InvestmentBankingHoe · 2024-06-21T17:01:03+00:00

What chassis did you have? Were you racing shifter karts? KZ?

Cicero_Johnson · 2024-06-21T18:51:43+00:00

Hobbies men can have that women are attracted to:

Collecting classic sports cars
Vacationing at luxury resorts
Buying and improving shopping malls
Watching NBA home games in the box seats you own
Recording multi-platinum albums
Flying your own vintage planes
Yachting
Playing polo
Fine art collecting
Visiting your private islands
Collecting men's fine watches
Dining in luxury restaurants
Antique furniture collecting
Competitive sailing
Sponsoring a racing team (car or motorcycle)

Simply take up any of these hobbies, and you will find that women find you more attractive virtually overnight.

ThrowGundam · 2024-06-21T17:10:06+00:00

“Getting hobbies” is just a normie take.

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-06-21T20:02:30+00:00

I don't think you are looking at it the right way.

A hobby doesn't get you a date per se. But it can be conducive to interact with someone you have affinity with.

And also it depends on the hobby: a salsa course will get you in contact (but no illusion: with no guarantee whatsoever to get laid) with many women, motorsports most likely with much less.

And even there, you can be the guru of her most beloved hobby/interest, but if she's not attracted, she won't date you.

I am a musician, when I was a teenager, there was this course colleague who loved listening to me playing, she used also big words to praise me. Everything seemed to point in the right direction, so I made my move but got rejected.

She then got a sporty boyfriend with no musical inclination whatsoever.

I then dated many musicians, but not through musicianship, but because there was attraction, which was then amplified by our common interests.

TLDR: common interests can stoke a fire, but only attraction can start it

meisterkraus · 2024-06-21T22:23:55+00:00

Getting hobbies to attract people with is bad advice because not all hobbies attract people. Stamp collecting is not going to make you sexy.

Plus I have never met a person with no hobbies.

solstice-sky · 2024-06-21T18:13:58+00:00

So my point is hobbies are absolutely worthless in dating. Your one singular experience equates to hobbies being absolutely worthless in dating?

The reason people suggest hobbies are to 1) hone your social skills, 2) expand your social circle, 3) make you a more interesting and well rounded individual. No one wants to date someone who doesn’t know how to be around people and has no interests whatsoever. Not every bit of advice is meant to be a cheat code to instant sex access from every person you’re interested in. A lot of people here are intent on missing nuance.

raisedonthemoon · 2024-06-21T17:23:29+00:00

Why wouldn't you try to go after girls who you know are into the hobby you're into? Not every single girl is attracted to the same hobbies just like you're not into every single girl who has any hobby. If a girl told you her hobby was embroidery would that automatically make you attracted to her? Why did you think that would work the other way?

qunamax · 2024-06-21T18:58:50+00:00

If you enroll in a mixed gender hobby (hiking for instance) it will actually work great to meet other single people. The quality is, at least physically is, of course, questionable.

ThinkSupermarket6163 · 2024-06-21T21:00:35+00:00

Ayooo he called him a baseball fuck 💀

But seriously OP, I don’t know where you live, but racing is a pretty normal hobby down here in the south (US). Not that you’re going to necessarily meet a woman racing karts/dirt bikes/whatever else, but there are plenty of women into dudes who like that shit. Now, they’ll almost always be country girls, and that doesn’t seem to be your type.

Having hobbies doesn’t always allow you to meet women immediately, but they do allow you to come across as a well rounded person with real interests.

ScienceAteMyKid · 2024-06-21T22:10:52+00:00

I think you might mean that having hobbies that are practiced almost entirely by men are useless for meeting women.

Try bowling. Or bicycling. Or join a knitting group, or a book club. Join a swim team or a hiking club or a board game club. Volunteer at an animal shelter or at a food bank.

These types of hobbies may not be as exciting as driving race cars, but they are enjoyable and much more likely to involve both women and men.

Patrickstarho · 2024-06-21T22:12:53+00:00

I agree. If you join a hobby with the sole purpose of getting dates you are weird and I will side eye you

Hosj_Karp · 2024-06-22T07:20:16+00:00

Agreed. The best dating advice is

Lose weight
Talk to girls (/guys)

it's not complicated

Odd-Luck7658 · 2024-06-22T08:51:01+00:00

Hobbies connect you with like minded women; after that its up to you.

chelco95 · 2024-06-22T10:39:36+00:00

Nope. Your hobby is not always to meet women. It is also making you more interesting. I have a hobby, that can be ridiculed. But. I own it. Love it. Therefore, I seem passionate.

Over_Noise3530 · 2024-06-22T15:16:13+00:00

Hobbies only help if you have the "right hobbies". Salsa dancing and 5k races are the ones that keep getting shoved down my throat

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2024-06-22T17:57:26+00:00

I can't think of any hobbies I've ever had that had a lot of female interest. Women say “get hobbies” assuming you'll pursue something gender neutral, that other women might be drawn to. Fact is, I only have so much free time. I wouldn't spend it doing something I'm only a little interested in JUST because women might participate.

KarmaCameleonian · 2024-06-22T19:44:11+00:00

The sad thing is seeing all the single dudes join MeetUps to meet women when those women are already in relationships (like 80%+ of women, the rest are in a harem), and the women that are there pair up with another woman.

Honestly, most men should just become monks and pursue something greater than trying to meet women

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-06-21T17:08:34+00:00

Some people like being in a relationship with people who have the same hobbies as them. Some don’t. It doesn’t mean all hobbies are useless for all men as dating advice. Why does everyone here just to such extremes? Logically, if the hobby is social in nature it’s more likely to help you meet someone. If the hobby is someone a woman likes then you might get a date. It might work. Just because it doesn’t work all the time doesn’t mean it’s useless advice.

Ok_Landscape_592 · 2024-06-21T17:52:41+00:00

So you think hobbies are useless for dating b/c you were into a hobby popular among hillbillies and you aren't looking for hillbilly women into that same hobby

i too think hobbies are useless b/c i like dungeons n dragons and didn't get my stacy in all those years

obviously hobbies matter bc you might have gotten the girl into baseball if you were like that one baseball fuck

bubbagator · 2024-06-21T17:15:03+00:00

Nah, you're just wrong.

The common problem men seem to have, is wanting to be attractive to every possible woman, and what are the cheat codes to accomplishing that.

That's not the point, you gotta know what kind of woman you even want to be with and attract. Different hobbies attract different women.

If your hobby is painting, you're gonna attract art women and that type. Not all women are gonna be into that. If your hobby is woodcarving, you're gonna attract outdoorsy camping type women. More city-vibe women aren't gonna be into that.

Hobbies are absolutely useful advice in dating. Being passionate in it is attractive. But if you want to attract a certain type, or don't like the type you're currently attracting, you gotta get the right hobby.

No_Matter_8648 · 2024-06-21T17:04:03+00:00

Yeah the normies here don’t seem to get this I have tried to explain this to them 1000 times but they are either too dumb, too old to get it, or are just coping.

N-Zoth · 2024-06-21T17:02:17+00:00

Idk, hobbies are still a great way to meet people if you don't want to party.

Even with extremely "nerdy" hobbies like raiding in World of Warcraft, I know some couples who have met through that.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-21T17:44:39+00:00

It certainly helps. Doing nothing all day outside work and chores does not help. But it will not guarantee that every single person you look at will automatically be attracted to you.

RosieBarb · 2024-06-21T17:09:41+00:00

Clearly you have never been into the Renaissance Faire. People that work there are very slutty.

ktdotnova · 2024-06-21T19:25:59+00:00

Trying to "have more hobbies" to appear more interesting and being open to meet new people is one of the more soul crushing things. The pressure to meet someone or the pressure to "achieve something" in that hobby in hopes of meeting someone takes the fun and pleasure out of it.

The number one currency will always raw looks or social status. Every other advice is just cope and you're fighting for the scraps that most high-value men don't even care to waste their time on.

Gary_Longbottom · 2024-06-21T23:28:57+00:00

This thread is making me realize why a lot of guys in this sub are perpetually single. Nobody said hobbies guarantee that you will find love, rather that it's a more constructive use of your time than staying at home. You are exponentially more likely to meet a partner at a hobby than putzing around on reddit.

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shmupsy · 2024-06-21T17:44:04+00:00

I agree that getting dates is a straightforward question with direct solutions.

But from what I'm hearing from women, they are much more concerned with the person you are once you land a date.

If you aren't together as a person, they are getting cheated if you land a date with them.

Footspork · 2024-06-21T17:54:28+00:00

Have hobbies, but you still need to be attractive/desirable on top of that.

Women will grow tired of the hot tall guy who has nothing else interesting about him, sure. But “hot/tall” will still be the first bullet point of compatibility. Hobbies is probably #4 behind income and age.

Be hot AND interesting and you’ll have no issues in dating. If you can’t be hot, be interesting and rich. It will give you a leg up.

SaBahRub · 2024-06-21T18:07:51+00:00

If you want them to be, sure

Legitimate_Echo_7115 · 2024-06-21T18:57:18+00:00

Its good advice for life though

Christian_Kong · 2024-06-21T19:10:54+00:00

I agree but hobbies are just a way to get be around people and socialize. That might lead to relationships with people which might lead to dating.

The hobbies aren't the relevant part of the "get hobbies" advice.

hearyoume14 · 2024-06-21T19:17:28+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with having hobbies you like for yourself. Dating someone with no hobbies, no friends, no life other than you is terrible and I’ve never seen a healthy relationship where one partner only has their partner. It’s suffocating when it’s just between friends much less partners.

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-06-21T19:35:20+00:00

Hobbies can give you an in or atleast build your social circle. I've never met anyone based on my hobbies though but I know people that have especially Gym bros or guys that play basketball or run track they seem to meet women through those activities...

More importantly than hobbies might be ones career most couples I know met through their career...

Teacher,lawyer,Dr,Scientist,Accountants,Actors,cops all seem to date each other and Nurses move between these careers,Most of the cops I know are dating nurses teachers or other cops.

You still have to be good looking lol

DzejSiDi · 2024-06-21T20:39:41+00:00

let me extrapolate that one example that didn't work out for me into infinity.

To be honest, I have similar issue, because most of my hobbies are overwhelmingly male. But at the same time, I know/knew A LOT of couples that met through shared place/website/forum/chat/workshop linked to a one, or the other hobby etc. Why are you oblivious to this?

AntonioSLodico · 2024-06-21T20:41:07+00:00

Getting hobbies can be great for dating. But it's often not great for dating the people in your hobby social circle. It's often great because those people introduce you to their friends from other social circles.

In this example, just be friends with the cute woman you work with, and don't thirst over her. Maybe one day she introduces you to one of her cute friends, who may or may not have the same love for motorsports as you. Or you go to her housewarming party and her boyfriends sister wants your body that night.

There are hobbies that will directly put you in situations where you're more likely to get laid or find a life partner. Salsa dancing and Religious volunteer work come to mind, respectively. That said, most hobbies help you be a well rounded person with more social circles. Those are what help your dating chances.

GH0STRIDER579 · 2024-06-21T21:12:46+00:00

Hobbies don't do anything for you directly as far as finding a girlfriend is concerned, especially if you're like me where all of your hobbies are either male dominated or even exclusive. People just tell you to get a hobby because it keeps your mind occupied while you continue working on yourself and helps you get engaged with what it is you're passionate about, which just makes you a more sociable and all around better person.

JadeGrapes · 2024-06-21T21:26:02+00:00

I think people mean; don't make dating your only hobby

bloblikeseacreature · 2024-06-21T21:28:03+00:00

i found my fiancé through a shared interest. that's not quite the same thing as a hobby but close enough imo. even your own anecdote offers more support for hobbies being helpful than your claim. you met a cute girl and talked to her. if she hadn't been off the market there could in theory have been mutual interest. (although ofc she mentioned her bf to stop you from having any ideas because men do ruin hobby spaces by trying to use them for dating in a disruptive and crude manner.)

antarctica6 · 2024-06-21T21:28:11+00:00

I think it's also worth pointing out that the advice of getting hobbies is almost always directly at men and never women. Truth is the average girl is just as uninteresting and boring as the average guy.

GridReXX · 2024-06-21T22:22:21+00:00

We mean get a hobby that increases your chances of striking up organic bonds with new people that may lead to increased desirability:

1) a hobby that is “normie” and “cool.” Aka get a hobby that the boys and girls in your network value socially. In some circles motor sports is that. For you it clearly was not. But being into basketball and playing pickup at the park where other normie boys and girls hangout and spectate will likely increase your social status and awareness more than playing chess in a basement with 3 other nerds. That’s just an example.

2) a hobby that allows you to be convivial and sociable with the normie and/or popular men and women in your network. to expand that social circle.

How is this not obvious? The real issue is the disconnect between what is “duh” obvious to normies and what isn’t to the guys who come to this sub.

The other issue is you have to have a genuine interest in the actual hobby or a genuine interest in bonding with people for the pure sake of friendship. Like you have to actually enjoy rapport and bonding. Not just the hobby itself.

Lev-- · 2024-06-22T00:09:20+00:00

bro if you have no personality or drives your partners going to get bored

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-06-22T01:15:30+00:00

Well, at least you're not into DND, those suckers can't even talk to women lol. And you got a job out of it.

On a more serious note

If we keep in mind the studies that indicate women being more interested in people than in things, then naturally you would have to focus on the social aspects of car racing, go to the meetups and actually race the goddamn cars. Every racer I know (even illegal ones) all have ample amount of hoes available to them.

TapZealousideal5974 · 2024-06-22T01:26:37+00:00

I think the argument in favour of hobbies is less that they will by themselves make you a cool chick magnet per se, and more that having hobbies can potentially open up opportunities to get out there and practice being more sociable, plus it makes men more well-rounded and comfortable in themselves. Especially for men without the dream job, a hobby can be an obvious way of making life meaningful and more fulfilling.

Also, it's the Virgin Millennial thing to want to use hobbies to meet women; the Chad Boomer way is to use hobbies to get away from them (even if you don't have any). Bonus points if no women are even allowed.

LORD_WOOGLiN · 2024-06-22T02:27:29+00:00

wrong in my case. I met two girlfriends through my calisthenics hobby.

Seattle_Cub · 2024-06-22T02:50:54+00:00

I got head today because I was flying my kite at the park, I disagree with ya completely.

technoletch · 2024-06-22T06:21:19+00:00

Hobbies that get me laid:

Lifting weights DJing and then throwing parties

So looks maxing as you weirdo redpillers call it and then being around lots of people whilst demonstrating high status

DelDivision · 2024-06-22T11:46:12+00:00

Most people are just trying to shut you up. As someone who is boring, only likes video games and anime, I've had opportunities. Hobbies, self-improvement advice is just a hamster wheel where people can give advice in which the goal is vague enough so that anyone who tries it and still fails gets told they didn't do it the right way or they should've done it for themselves.

This attempt to make unsuccessful men not care is hilariously bad, and it's good i only see this bullshit online.

obviousredflag · 2024-06-22T17:40:13+00:00

you don't attract women by havign hobbies. You get into non-romantic contact with women a can build rapport over mutual interests, instead of having to win her over by your first impression.

paputsza · 2024-06-22T18:05:17+00:00

…so hobbies are only useful if there are women in that hobby. Art, writing, and even camping and anime. Also, if everyone bullies you that isn’t good because you are in high school and probably pretty transparent if people unrelated to the hobby know about your hobby because you expect it will make you look cool. Going to an anime convention with your boyfriend on the weekend sounds nice to weeb girls. Larping naruto with your boyfriend and his friends when you should be eating lunch does not. Generally. There’s a difference between a hobby and a lifestyle, and few women want the whole lifestyle.

MentalBend9446 · 2024-06-22T23:11:12+00:00

It's funny since I had the opposite experience not long ago. Through my adult life I've been told about "social proof", looking important and being valued, doing fun stuff etc. And I always sucked at it; having few friends and was never good at taking photos to post at social media. But lately I actually managed to be more active, joining a party and getting a bigger social circle and taking part in events more frequently, and also documenting it.

Then I met this attractive woman at a speed date and we unexpectedly matched. We started to talk through Facebook and she seemed eager to meet up. Things came between our plans, but we kept chatting. I told her about how I've been out travelling and what fun social activities laying ahead for the weekend. She was not impressed, nor interested. And I later found out what caught her interest in the first place was actually how I mentioned that I like to play padel once in a while. Apparently she was quite dedicated to the sport and competed several times a month. So I had to explain to her I only play with friends for fun and am probably nowhere near her level. After that she lost all interest and we haven't spoken since. Guess it can go both ways.

obviouslymoose · 2024-06-23T03:15:25+00:00

She has a boyfriend… he might be a baseball fuck but you don’t jump ship that easily and if she had it would be a red flag.

Also I’m sorry and this will probably be downvoted to hell but can women be charming and good at talking to just about anyone without being thought of as flirtatious?

And maybe that isn’t this situation but it is mine.

This is different than the situation the guy who commented about a girl that pretended some other guys talent in classical music was magical. Also love Liszt. She’s just fake.

Bucephalus-ii · 2024-06-23T07:43:42+00:00

Women are attracted to men who are thriving and doing their own thing. A big part of that is hobbies. Things that you do because you want to. If you’re doing it to attract women, then you don’t have a hobby.

DBEternal · 2024-06-23T14:59:40+00:00

I'm a former Turbochad with no hobbies, and it doesn't matter

Girls will just ask you to do the horizontal mambo if they like how you look

one_ball_policy · 2024-06-21T17:39:59+00:00

Hobbies is a good idea for beta bux. Alpha baseball players still get first choice. If he doesn’t commit to her you might have a chance with her in 7-8 years time

TRTGymBroXXX · 2024-06-21T17:48:48+00:00

You misunderstand the purpose of that advice. It is not so you can meet women through your hobby although that would be a nice bonus. It is so you have some purpose in life and a source of happiness that is not women. As a matter of fact, if you take on a hobby hoping it will ultimately lead to getting women that’s even worse. It’s just a sign of how needy you are.

You are obviously not happy with yourself or think of yourself very highly which explains your results.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-06-21T17:30:12+00:00

The purpose of getting a hobby is to get you to expand your social circle. If you join a hobby with the express purpose of trying to get a girlfriend, yeah, you're going to be disappointed.

You have also completely discounted the fact that people find passion about something to be attractive, even if it's not something they themselves like. I have no interest in learning to play piano but it's sexy as fuck when my wife sits down and plays her heart out.

Also, can we stop this nonsense of "it didn't work for me so therefore the advice is worthless?" Cold approaching didn't work for me, but it would be ludicrous to say, "IT'S USELESS!!!"

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-06-21T17:40:31+00:00

It's about life fulfillment. And being satisfied with your own life. Most people seek a romantic relationship because boredom, loneliness, and feeling unsatisfied and trapped in their own lives so a relationship is like a band-aid.

So a hobby or something adds to your life. So you aren't ultra dependent on your partner for satisfaction. And also seeking a quality relationship for the right reasons.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2024-06-21T17:18:28+00:00

The thing about hobbies is that they open up social opportunities where you might meet women, and women gravitate towards the social aspect of hobbies; and also gravitate towards men who are passionate about cool things. Also, women want to compete for your attention; and hobbies can be something they have to compete hard against.

I'm sure there's motorsport meetups where you could a) meet friends and b) meet women who are into gearheads, but you have to be willing to pivot towards the more social side of things.

szclimber · 2024-06-21T18:18:48+00:00

It was not right for them to call you a hillbilly or white trash. Looks are definitely more important than hobbies. I hope you meet someone who likes you and supports your hobbies.

Draager · 2024-06-21T19:07:01+00:00

No it’s good advice. Sometimes you’ve done all you can do to make dates and be social, but nobody is available. Can’t just keep hammering away at dating apps, better to get out and do some activities that have nothing to do with dating, are just fun. Hell you may actually meet people into the same stuff as you!

Odd-Fun-9557 · 2024-06-21T20:33:23+00:00

Having a hobby gives you something to bond over . Like a lot of girls I’ve dated have enjoyed just sitting down and painting together . Canvases from the dollar store and 50 cent apple barrel paint from Walmart . Cooking together is another good hobby . Women are looking for you to have something that you are passionate about and enjoy . That’s really attractive to a lot of women . A lot of women would be thrilled to have a parter with the same hobby but sometimes they are just happy about your hobbies .

Honestly if you felt like that advice didn’t work for you get into furniture flipping and you should be able to find some one easily .

gusGus86_ · 2024-06-21T20:51:35+00:00

So one girl is what you are basing this theory on?

chapohc · 2024-10-25T18:48:29+00:00

"get a hobby" so it said Lucy, 31 years old, whose Tinder bio is:

"I like to travel, Netflix and chill. I hate lies" with no hobbies at all and has +99 matches even with only one picture on her Tinder

Lanaglu · 2024-06-21T17:10:10+00:00

You have a sample size of one. Bit extreme to write hobbies off completely. Nobody is saying every relationship the couple has to have the same hobbies, but it does help having similar interests.

Will say though, if your hobby is something that's extremely dominated by your gender then yeah you won't find people there.

For me having someone share my hobbies would be an extreme plus because we'd have stuff to do together. I might be wrong but I would think that's generally the case.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-06-21T23:09:38+00:00

So you were jealous because the one girl you met in a malee dominated hobby had a baseball boyfriend and now you will never try again.

floridorito · 2024-06-21T17:29:10+00:00

You cultivate your hobbies and interests to make your own life more fulfilling, to expand your social circle, and to become a slightly more interesting person. You don't do it for the sole purpose of meeting a SO.

There is no guarantee that anything you ever do in life will result in your desired outcome. So one woman who shares your interest/hobby has a boyfriend who doesn't share the interest/hobby? What does this one instance prove? (Nothing.) Not everyone gets into a relationship with someone who shares their main hobbies/interests.

Getting a hobby doesn't mean it will provide a direct route to your "soul mate." It does, however, provide a means of meeting likeminded people - people with whom you have at least one thing in common. And the more people you know, the more people you're likely to be friends with or at least friendly with, and the more likely you'll have access to their social circle. The wider your social circle, the better the chances that you'll more naturally come in contact with people who may be compatible romantic partners.

Charming-Ad8740 · 2024-06-21T18:41:57+00:00

Sample size: 1

Doedoe_243 · 2024-06-22T03:02:47+00:00

I'm saying having hobbies to attract women is useless advice

It isn't useless though. "she said something about her boyfriend and how (he's) not into any of things she's into." All this tells me is you don't need to have hobbies in common with someone. If they're a good couple odds are they make an effort to discuss each other's hobbies, engage with them and learn about them even if they aren't personally interested in the hobby. Hobbies show your life isn't dull, can give interesting topics to talk about, help you meet new people, help understand who you are as a person and are a source of happiness and entertainment outside of that person so you won't be as likely to cling to them for all happiness and entertainment.

It's also worth noting, as others have said, hobbies contribute to your overall happiness and being happy also helps relationships.

Barneysparky · 2024-06-21T21:43:33+00:00

It is so sad this got 60 upvotes.

Title	Getting hobbies is useless advice for dating.
Author	SupportRemarkable583
Upvotes	161
Comments	465
Date	June 21, 2024 4:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dl8sto/getting_hobbies_is_useless_advice_for_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/getting-hobbies-is-useless-advice-for-dating.1522310 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522310

Comments

Riding a motorcycle

On a more serious note