Most girls are genuinely repelled by truly kind men, you have to have some degree of asshole in you or they will get bored

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-01-26T02:28:49+00:00

I was kind but not very attractive. Women were ok with being my friend but nothing more.

Now I'm still kind but attractive. Women want to fuck me and/or be in a relationship with me.

Women aren't repelled by my kindness. That wasn't my problem. I'm sure I'm not the only counterexample to your assertion.

Yes, kindness means almost nothing when it comes to initially attracting women. It does come into play fairly quickly after a relationship starts, usually even with a consistent casual one.

Dertross · 2024-01-26T04:16:17+00:00

I was going to make a "nice guy" thread earlier but didn't because I figured there would be a lot of gaslighting to the tune of "If you're a good person you can't possibly be upset about the lack of reciprocation, incentive, or reward!" and "You're secretly a bad person, so that makes you worse than the people who are actually and overtly bad people!"

Lo and behold, I was right.

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-01-26T02:27:07+00:00

repelled by physically unattractive men

Fixed that for you.

EsotericRonin · 2024-01-26T05:46:02+00:00

This thread pops up every week so im going to copy paste the same comment i made.

Women don't want a guy who necessarily dominates other people or is cocky and has a superiority complex. They also aren't turned off by altruism, good morals and cooperative behavior.

All you have to do is understand is that confidence is the most important personality trait when it comes to not only attracting a mate, but friends and people in general. That's it. Confidence. You don't have to be a cocky asshole to be confident.

Sidebar; the average cocky asshole isn't pulling like that. If you equalize for everything else, on average the more confident man is going to be more successful. Your post was on the cusp of understanding this crucial point; the asshole you're describing is usually just more confident. The soyboy you're describing is usually less confident.

You also don't have to be an asshole to be able to playfully tease, playful teasing is a great way to flirt with people in general and make them more attracted to you as a person. It just shows you're not an ass-kisser.

True confidence comes from building yourself up physically and mentally. Some people are just naturally confident and or delusional to an extent and that works for them, like professional or would be professional athletes. Actually, a lot of successful people have said that it takes a level of delusion to get to the level of success they reached.

But if you don't have that innate delusion then i would say; get really good at things, it can be 1 or 2 things. But get really good at them to the point where you can speak at length and passionately and authoritatively about them. Practice mindfulness, good physical and mental habits such as goin to the gym, eating properly, getting sleep etc. Understand and repeat that no matter what happens, no matter who doesn't like you, who may reject you, it doesn't matter, you'll be alright. I've always had this mentality but even it helps me to repeat it when im in a situation that requires confidence.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2024-01-26T02:35:44+00:00

There is something very impressive to women about a guy who wields so much power and security that he can be harsh to people she dislikes, but extends kindness to her and people she likes.

but yeah if you're equally kind to everyone you're just seen as an unconfrontational and boring man. It is what it is.

Hot-Law2682 · 2024-01-26T01:58:05+00:00

Nice guys get rejected sometimes and assholes get laid sometimes.

But just being nice or an asshole on its own doesn't get you laid.

You have to create attraction, thats what gets success.

If someone is attracted to you they will actually care how you feel about them, then being nice/an asshole matters.

TotalTravesty · 2024-01-26T01:47:29+00:00

Look at the time. It’s “confuse-nice-with-boring-and-not-boring-with-asshole” o’clock already.

BootyMessiah · 2024-01-26T02:16:29+00:00

It has less to do with wholesome or kind men and more to do with those types of men being more likely to give off boyfriend vibes.

Men who give off boyfriend vibes make many mistakes, with arguably the biggest and most common being talking about relationships or potential relationships or envisioning themselves having a family. Do not talk about those things with women you are dating, especially not before you’ve developed good chemistry where she is very cooperative, submissive and responsive.

A second mistake guys who give off boyfriend vibes make is they are too available. Too available for conversation, attention & time. They put their relationship or potential relationship before whatever it is they are doing or were planning to do. They will clear their schedule. They will stay over her place or have her stay over his instead of just leaving or dropping her off after a few hours. They will consistently have 5-60 minute phone or text conversations at work or at the gym. It is less to do with actually responding in a reasonable time or answering the phone and more to do with how long your conversations actually are. If your girl calls you, you should answer and tell her you can’t talk right now and that she should call you or you will call her at a certain time. If a girl texts you, you should respond as soon as you can and tell her you will get back to her later or that she should text/call you again at a certain time.

A third mistake that guys who give off boyfriend vibes make is they don’t try to seal the deal. They put their relationships with women before sex with women. If they like a girl they just met, they may not ask for their number until they’ve met or interacted with her a few times. They don’t ask girls on dates right away, they like to be friends first. They don’t make any moves on the first or second dates when the opportunities are there because they don’t want to be too forward or because they are too inexperienced to see the signs that she is interested.

Another huge mistake that guys make which give off boyfriend vibes is they lead with their wallet. They take girls to fancy restaurants and extravagant dates before having hooked up with them for an extended period of time. They buy gifts and flowers for women before having hooked up with them for an extended period of time.

A second huge mistake that guys who give of boyfriend vibes make is they enter into relationships too soon. They don’t vet women for more than 2-6 months instead of the 9-18 they should be waiting. They rarely start their relationships as 2-4 month fuck buddy situations and if they do begin a relationship with cheap dates and/or casual sex, they typically escalate things within 1-2 months.

The final mistake that guys who give off boyfriend vibes make, which you alluded to, is that they are too accommodating with women who have not earned it. They try to win women over with favors. They are always asking women if they need their help with xyz. They offer to pay for an Uber/Lyft when she doesn’t bring it up. They are always offering to give up what they have in order to accommodate her. They are always going out of their way to assist. They try to play “captain save a hoe”

Updawg145 · 2024-01-26T07:05:33+00:00

To some degree I think this is true, but not necessarily because they're attracted to "assholes". Many, possibly most, women are attracted to strong masculine traits like assertiveness, ambition, confidence, physicality, etc. There is a lot of overlap between people with those traits and people we might consider to be "assholes".

AdEffective7894s · 2024-01-26T07:45:08+00:00

thats not it.

Women dont like men. MEn need to really stand out to be noticed and be infatuated with.

And women find good men boring

TO women thats the worst thing a man can be short of actual weak ness

They will soner forgive abuse before they forgive weakness.

Boring becomes acceptable once they are burned a few times

EulenWatcher · 2024-01-26T02:00:40+00:00

There is a difference between "a nice guy" and "truly kind".
Most people are not repelled by kindness.
Most people don't develop attraction based on kindness alone.
Thinking that your problem is being too kind or too nice is a self-serving idea. No, you aren't too nice or too kind for dating. If you can't attract a partner, you lack something else not "assholeness". If your partner(s) mistreat you, that's not because you're kind either, it's because you can't put healthy boundaries.
Last but not least a good share of people who date and have relationships are not assholes. They have their own flaws, but lots of them are kind-hearted people.

MyLastBestChance · 2024-01-26T01:59:26+00:00

If that were true. We wouldn’t have so many posts by assholes complaining about all of the things that are “wrong” with women that are the real reasons that they are unsuccessful…🙄

Chance_Journalist_34 · 2024-01-26T08:06:04+00:00

100% agree and i even witnessed it last week.

My wife and I went on a vacation with with 3 other couples. One of the blokes, lets call him Danny, was there with his missus. He is a proper decent lad, funny, smart, honourable, yet his missus whilst nice is a bit of a bitch to him. Despite this he is always very tolerant, overly kind and doting towards her. Its self evident he loves her more than she loves him.

Now when we are in conversation with the other wives and partners about it, it is him who is the one viewed with suspicion and disrespect and he is thought of as creepy/slimy and 'wet'. The blokes just view him as somebody who needs to grow a backbone, but dont let it affect our opinions of him as a man. TBF we've told him in private to knock off calling his missus 'babe' in public and to stop blowing smoke up her arse.

EddAra · 2024-01-26T02:32:40+00:00

I can't be attracted to a man that is not a genuinely good person. I know plenty of women that like kind men. Being kind is a baseline, most people, men and women need more than "just" kind.

GreatSmashPlayer · 2024-01-26T10:36:50+00:00

Low IQ take: "Women like nice guys."

Medium IQ take: "Women like assholes."

High IQ take: "Women like men with a sense of justice who are confident enough to stand up for what they truly believe in."

No-Information7038 · 2024-01-26T04:12:40+00:00

Nice guys finish last is a saying for a reason.

Safinated · 2024-01-26T02:22:17+00:00

Hey, let’s do round 4 of this gripe

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/LQbqkvIjRY

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/Tnu11iHquo

https://no.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/M0dnejNQAO

flextov · 2024-01-26T05:17:19+00:00

I was confronted by a younger guy in Las Vegas. He had a pretty woman on his arm. He demanded money because he had a woman. I just stared at him.

The woman started looking uncomfortable and tugged on his arm a bit and they both walked away. I continued back to my hotel room alone.

There may be a lesson in there somewhere.

snowyjenna · 2024-01-26T06:52:46+00:00

I don't think men necessarily should be asshols, but there is something in having a little bit of a naughty humor while being kind. The problem is that most people don't know where the line is and go overboard in the asshole territory.

In my native language, there's a word "mangup" with a generally positive connotation, meaning a guy who's not afraid to be a little bit bad. Synonyms I found for it are "devilish, naughty, do as he pleases."

I think being a little bit of a "mangup" appeals to a large number of women.

Intrepid-Rip-2280 · 2024-01-26T06:54:46+00:00

Probably that's why I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot

shonenhikada · 2024-01-26T06:57:31+00:00

What do you think about this? This conservative woman is basically threatening men that if they continue to listen to redpill content, women are not going to want to date them.

https://youtu.be/JQ1oSfvEX5s?si=mG3613vuZ58Ql93p&t=302

nlignmn1847 · 2024-01-26T08:32:14+00:00

I'm boring, then suicidal. So I wasn't boring in the first place. Asus is a great brand for phones, anything around 200 can break the screen with one hand, then grind and tear through the interior chips with my teeth.

rubberbandshooter13 · 2024-01-26T11:01:17+00:00

Just as you pointed out how the term "nice" has been "hijacked" and is missunderstood, I think you (OP) on the other hand missinterpret the "assholes" (or the opposite of what you see as a nice guy). Let's say you are truly nice and wholesome and not behaving like the "nice guys" from the memes. Say you are are genuinly prioritzing other peoples comfort without wanting something in return. This makes you probably someone nice to have around, but clearly you'd not be suitable for more than that. You'd fall into a category like "people pleaser", which signals that you do not have your own goals and ambitions, no integrity, no capability to stand up for yourself. (Although all that is not necessarily true, but that's just how people will see you). And compared to you, a man that occasionally says "No" to his girlfriend's wishes might seem like an asshole, because "why isn't he treating her like a princess like you would?". But in reality he is just cultivating a relationship of mutual respect. I am speaking somewhat from experience: Early in our relationship, my GF once told me about her ex. She described him as "like a puppy". At first I didn't really understand what she meant, and why his behaviour was "bad". He was literally treating her like a princess. But eventually I realised how difficult it must be to have a meaningful relationship with someone like that, who essentially does not have a personality on his own, but only exists for his GF. I guess it is hard to understand from a male perspecitve, because a lot of men might want a submissive wive like that, but even they probably do not think longterm and underestimate the value of a reliable partner.

AlphaTrion2628 · 2024-01-26T12:13:21+00:00

I’ll never understand how being a confident assholes is that much better than being genuinely kind but being awkward or lacking self-esteem

Agile-Explanation263 · 2024-01-26T12:20:29+00:00

Most of the issue guys take with people saying you should be nice to women is thats mainly the advice mothers give out. Its thier first lesson in love and 90% of the time it will never work out because women prefer the illusion of being interesting, and looks over anything.

Basically stop lying to men saying being kind matters, it doesn't

VoltairesBarista · 2024-01-26T01:58:41+00:00

This is nonsense. Being kind has always helped me with women not the opposite.

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-01-26T04:11:42+00:00

This is true. Attraction is not based on whether you are a good person or not.

SweetTeaFriedChicken · 2024-01-26T02:18:33+00:00

Wrong. Whether you are an asshole or not is irrelevant, all that matters is looks and 'charisma", which actually have nothing to do with pair bonding but oh well.

What you are right about is that there is no reason for a man to be a good person, he isn't rewarded in any way. That's why I'm an oil lobbyist. and because this world desERves climate change

Egoistchan · 2024-01-26T02:22:21+00:00

Nah. Granted, many women today are broken and addicted to drama but a healthy, well-adjusted individual does not want to be mistreated in their relationship and won't find an asshole attractive.

Most genuinely nice people are in relationships. With other super nice people. I can anecdotally observe this pretty much everywhere, and it's common sense we are most attracted to people who have similar values and personalities.

poopy_head4 · 2024-01-26T02:16:19+00:00

by nice do you mean submissive & passive?

toasterchild · 2024-01-26T02:51:33+00:00

Are you under the impression most girls are wholesome themselves? Why would i want to be with someone i have nothing in common with? If you won't laugh at dead baby jokes we aren't a good match.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2024-01-26T02:52:18+00:00

You just have to be a jerk when you want and need to be, and then you can be an overall nice guy around all that; but she has to be on edge. Don't be afraid to show some authority. Too many men are completely pussy-whipped into the inability to even speak up for themselves, let alone speak up for their own selfishness. It seems to be that edge... that willingness to sort of verbally warn her... which seems to be the key to really keeping a woman highly interested in a sexual/emtional sense.

The older I get, there is one thing that seems to stand out: you have to be able to be a jerk to a woman. Not you should, but be able to. When a woman does anything you don't like, say something and don't be afraid to just walk. There are some women out there, and I know you're going to call me names for saying this, that WANT to be put in their place by a guy who doesn't pedestalize women. Some women need guidance, as some men need guidance.

If you come off as too kind and boring, she knows she has you; and you'll likely go into the category of BB (ATM) where you may see an instant shift in behavior.

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Solid-City-3798 · 2024-01-26T03:42:22+00:00

I really dont think so. Maybe certain women are this way. Nice women like nice men. By nice I mean men who want long term relationships and who treat you as an equal and with respect. Women are turned off by inauthenticity though. A nice man doesnt need to try very hard to be nice. It comes from a place of deeply respecting you.

MistyMaisel · 2024-01-26T03:43:28+00:00

Nope.

Women just aren't attracted initially by quite passive or safe kindness.

It is however much appreciated for maintaining a good relationship.

But also, of course it is unlikely to be what lights a fire unless it's very specifically directed.

basedmama21 · 2024-01-26T03:50:27+00:00

Women who have their own host of issues like assholes. Women who come from stable homes or have at least prioritized emotional stability stray from assholes

LongjumpingAd6169 · 2024-01-26T03:55:41+00:00

I don’t think its being nice that turns women off, its the lack of frame. If the women owns his balls its going downhill from there. You can have a backbone and be nice most of the time. justtimetimetimefmomenwhen

Love-Is-Selfish · 2024-01-26T06:01:54+00:00

Being truly kind or overly wholesome isn’t good or moral though, so it’s not surprising most women wouldn’t like that.

Mahlah_Maldau · 2024-01-26T06:18:57+00:00

Coming from a straight man, niceness comes off really off putting. Being kind, gentle, chivalrous, thoughtful and a just man is better. Just being nice is a childish thought, as adults our horizons develop.

carpetfoodie · 2024-01-26T07:14:02+00:00

You almost got it right. You must not be boring. If you are boring she wont remember you. 'Girls just wanna have fun "

mystery1nc · 2024-01-26T10:28:45+00:00

I feel like this works both ways, but it’s also not as black and white as you’re making it out to be.

NOBODY wants to be with someone that is 100% unrelentingly wholesome. Equally, nobody wants to with someone that is 100% an utter dirt scrap of a human being.

You want someone that is equally balanced and can react to life with the appropriate level of emotional response. You want someone that is kind and wholesome, but that doesn’t let the world walk all over them. You want someone that has morals aligned with yours, but also defend those morals with an appropriate level of force and passion. You want someone rounded, someone that makes mistakes but knows when to own up to them, someone that can see others mistakes and know when to call them out and confront them. It’s a balance. No one wants someone that is 100% one way or another, because something about that just feels wrong.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2024-01-26T11:12:33+00:00

This harkens back to the oppressed/oppressor dynamic.

Men are the oppressors. Therefore any man acting nice must be acting disingenuous. Thus women overcorrect and choose assholes.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy

Timpstar · 2024-01-26T11:39:33+00:00

There are no 'truly kind' or 'truly evil' men, or women for that matter. We all are varying degrees of good or bad, depending on age, experience, personality, and our mood for the day/year or whatever.

Nice people do bad things sometimes, bad people do nice things sometimes. The only defining factor is how interesting/attractive you are. You can be the most handsome person on the planet. But if you humour sucks, you are broke and a mess, then no woman is going to want you despite looking like some Chad Thundercock.

If all you ever do is being nice to other people, you'll be seen as a boring pushover who cannot stand up to others (such as said nice people treating you badly sometimes). If you are an asshole to everyone all the time you get the same effect.

Strike a balance between being nice, but not a pushover. Groom yourself, make yourself interesting. That is literally all that matters.

saptarshi656 · 2024-01-26T12:22:02+00:00

But here's the question, Why the hell are men so needy for sex?.

If you actually believe in true relationships based on trust, sex for just the sake of having sex will get you nowhere,

you will be dumped after a fortnight. Look at those "attractive" "not nice" guys, it is not that they are always the players, 50% of the time atleast girls dump them after they get bored with them.

If you want that kind of relationship, go ahead and follow those pickup tactics,follow pickup artists or watch guys on youtube doing how to increase your tinder likes.

But you wont get a stable relationship.

Azihayya · 2024-01-26T13:05:27+00:00

It's just not true. There are so many people who are generally just very kind and find very kind and considerate partners that they're happy with, and one day you might run into a girl you think you might vibe with and, oh, yep, it turns out she's been married to the same nice guy for years and years.

Listen, nobody is perfect, not women either; but some people actually aren't abusive assholes, and that's not what men or women are looking for--that's what nice people are looking for. Truly wholesome people probably find a forever partner much earlier in life than other kinds of people.

badgersonice · 2024-01-26T13:54:28+00:00

Even Jesus flipped tables and yelled at people. That’s “asshole” behavior.

Being completely 100% non-confrontational, agreeable, and conciliatory is actually not the good behavioral trait you think it is, in men or women.

Being truly kind does require being an asshole in some ways. Being always soft, always gentle, always accommodating, always apologetic and always deferential is not actually good behavior. Being good and kind requires saying “no”, sometimes forcefully, and standing up for your moral beliefs, even when it makes others think you’re an asshole.

Being truly good takes a lot more than just apologizing and saying “yes dear” no matter what the woman you think is pretty says.

MassiveAd1026 · 2024-01-26T14:36:51+00:00

Showing a woman kindness will turn her off 💯 percent of the time. You will always have better results acting like a jerk. They even have to admit that part.

raldabos · 2024-01-26T17:17:21+00:00

Women: We like nice men

Also every women ever: I have a crazy ex story, he was a psycho!

The reality is, women suck just as much as men when it comes to judge character.

Scarce12 · 2024-01-26T23:05:59+00:00

I think it's more of a case that women take advantage of kind men, because they can, society allows it, there's no penalties whatever.

LotBuilder · 2024-01-26T03:53:32+00:00

They like men with dark triad traits that are nice only to them.

xxAlbacoreTuna69xx · 2024-01-26T02:01:58+00:00

Women aren't repelled, they just don't find those traits attractive. The only women who are specifically looking for those traits tend to have been in abusive relationships. Most women prefer kindness in a long term partner, but excitement is more important for a lot of women in their early years. Kindness doesn't evoke excitement or passionate emotions.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-01-26T02:46:50+00:00

people use nice and kind to describe men who are passive feminine and boring

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-01-26T02:47:50+00:00

This discussion is meaningless as usual unless you can provide a reasonably detailed definition of what you think “truly kind” and “an asshole” look like.

HiDarlings · 2024-01-26T05:13:15+00:00

None of my friends are assholes. Most are kind of nerdy, it/data Science guys or pHd. All but 2 have relationships. This statement is so blatantly untrue.

randomnightly · 2024-01-26T08:53:04+00:00

No, women aren't interested in boring guys. Being "nice" and boring often overlaps, because the reason why most people are nice is that they fit in and their opinion is very similar to the average. So they never even get into situations where they get upset. I don't think they are faking it, they are just really bland, agree with everything, talk like they think girls want, etc. People who have actually experienced hardship or have lots of unique opinions, but are still nice, are a rarity. This isn't to say that everyone who is nice sometimes is really boring, but you probably are when you're always nice and this is your defining characteristic.

DonBoy30 · 2024-01-26T10:29:55+00:00

I think you misinterpret what women want. They don’t want a pushover, and they like someone who can make them laugh, and sarcasm is a pretty basic form of comedy for most people under 60. A lot of people who are overwhelmingly nice are also generally rather meek people. I don’t think many women would be turned off by an assertive and secure man who acts like mother Teresa. But I do think women are turned off by men who cower to other people.

John_Oakman · 2024-01-26T01:56:48+00:00

Genuine moral virtues are independent of worldly results, and expecting reciprocity for performative behavior is entitlement- which makes the person in question not nice.

And that kind of ulterior motives is despised by most people.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-01-26T02:09:04+00:00

Define “asshole.”

KayRay1994 · 2024-01-26T02:24:55+00:00

“guys im not a nice guy. I mean i’m nice but totally not for sex, why don’t girls like me? they always like the asshole :( maybe i shouldn’t be nice after all…”

all of this frankly sounds like classic nice guy talk with the added “b…b… but i’m GENUINELY KIND!” at front. I’ll say what’s probably been parroted multiple times, if you’re actually kind, it won’t be your only marketable trait because it shouldn’t be even be a marketable trait. If you feel the need to market yourself as such, you’ve made your motive clear and you’re the kind of nice guy you claim you’re not.

Here is the thing, if all you have for you is niceness, you’re boring. Where’s the fun? where is the ability to stand up for yourself and others? where’s the confidence, charisma, fun-loving-ness, you know…. personality?

if all you have to say is “but i’m kind” and niceness is what you consider an identifier or your primary marketable trait, you’re a nice guy.

neinhaltchad · 2024-01-26T03:21:41+00:00

Women’s vaginas respond to excitement.

That excitement starts with a guy looking sexually attractive and increases with him behaving in an exciting way.

Guess which behavior is most likely to generate excitement:

Nice / Pleasant
IDGAF / Asshole

NiceTrybutIdc · 2024-01-26T02:09:23+00:00

Just stop, just because you're an asshole doesn't mean that's why girls wanted you.

SnooMarzipans6929 · 2024-01-26T03:39:00+00:00

No. My boyfriend is incredibly nice. I love him dearly ☺️❤️

treadmarks · 2024-01-26T03:05:36+00:00

It's possible to be "too nice" if you're a doormat or a pushover. Women don't want a man who is spineless and always caves because that is a sign of weakness and that he'll be bad as a protector. But standing your ground on something doesn't make you an asshole.

I doubt that a woman would be turned off by random acts of kindness unless it's so much, so often, and so unreciprocated that it comes off as desperate and low self-esteem.

DarayRaven · 2024-01-26T04:32:36+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being nice/kind as long as you've a backbone to say "no" or not tolerate female nonsense

a woman l was dating said l should come do shopping with her, l said no not because l was busy or some shit, l just didn't want to go

However nice guys just wanna bend over everything she says

FluidKaleidoscope876 · 2024-01-26T04:53:14+00:00

I totally agree. But there is nothing wrong with being kind. That’s the way God made His/Her children.

Maybe something is controlling His/Her daughters that is not of God. Thinking about it from a psychological perspective if you control the women; you control the men. If you control the men and no one wants to heal and go back to their nature (being kind, and courteous creatures of God.)

Whoever pulls the strings have influence over the world. It is a test cast by God that a massive number of humans are failing at. And have failed at lifetime after lifetime. So good people in general are looked at as lame, soft, and any other psychotic attribute that it is attached to negatively.

HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-01-26T06:35:40+00:00

Women are ultimately turned off by overly wholesome or kind men

✨️🧚🏻‍♀️ Kind sir, I'm assuming you are a man. You aren't aware of what a vast majority of women desire tho. We as ladies love, and value gentlemen. Where are you receiving the idea that women don't value wholesome lads?

Sincerely kind men, take home the W Asshole lads will ultimately take the L ✨️🧚🏻‍♀️

TechnoQueenOfTesla · 2024-01-26T08:57:51+00:00

I think women just don't like "nice" guys because they always come off as the type of guy that just wants a girlfriend, any girlfriend at all, they don't really care who. Women want to feel like they were chosen by the guy out of a group of eligible women. They don't want to feel like the guy would've picked anyone who said yes to him. That's what gives us the ick, that's why nice guys struggle so much in dating. When you give off asshole vibes, but you're nice to that woman specifically, it shows her that you PICKED HER. It's just like how guys don't like women who go around flirting with every single man who gives her a moment of attention.

literaryhogwartian · 2024-01-26T08:42:10+00:00

Truly kind men with a backbone are the best partners.

Planthoe30 · 2024-01-26T08:58:02+00:00

Some girls like bad boys for sure but based off my dating history I really can’t say I enjoyed dating assholes. Maybe a dichotomy of good and bad, like a white hacker, or an engineer building weapons of mass destruction. I like honest men who do bad for good. That is my ideal.

froderenfelemus · 2024-01-26T10:03:50+00:00

I can’t speak for all women, but I can absolutely say that I will be absolutely repulsed by a man who’s unkind to me in any way. Especially if he’s a “nice guy” who’s only nice as long as he gets what he wants.

There’s a difference between being a genuinely kind man, and a “nice guy”. If you tell a genuinely kind man no, he’ll respect that answer. If you tell a “nice guy” no, he’ll call you all the names in the book and throw a tantrum.

Every woman has experienced a “nice guy”. Schrödinger’s woman is an idea based on “nice guys”. A woman is simultaneously hot as fuck and the fattest b!tch until a “nice guy’s” advances are either accepted or rejected.

Ass-a-holic · 2024-01-26T03:48:42+00:00

The real question is, who cares?

enbaelien · 2024-01-26T04:02:43+00:00

If all you're going after are women who had abusive parents, yeah.

Smergmerg432 · 2024-01-26T04:07:38+00:00

I’m turned on by guys being kind.

But they have to be naturally attractive to begin with.

I have this horrible conspiracy theory that testosterone both makes one more attractive and meaner.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-01-26T04:09:43+00:00

Being kind is great. We like and value kindness.

What's not attractive and often a huge turn off is a doormat. A man that doesn't have anything going on for him except his relationship with you. He doesn't have boundaries. He doesn't have self worth and puts his worth into how useful or desirable he is to you. He's the people pleaser that is actually manipulative and maladaptive. Or at the least disingenuous and he isn't who he really is but a character for you to like. Also stinks of codependency which is insanely unattractive. That is the man that will do everything for you only to resent you for it later on when they don't get their way.

It's not being an asshole to have boundaries.. it's not an asshole to have a sense of self and self worth. Please do. Encourage interdependence. Having your own thing and you kinda mesh together. Without suffocating in each other. Being kind to people is again the bare minimum. It's not this great feat. It's like being toilet trained?.

wwwArchitect · 2024-01-26T04:42:12+00:00

Maybe in their teens. But nice, wholesome, well-rounded, conscientious nerds get taken really fast after 25, provided they’re not overweight or have serious mental issues.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-01-26T04:49:24+00:00

I say this about men LOL. They take advantage of kind women over time, no matter what she looks like.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-01-26T04:56:25+00:00

Not even remotely true. My fiancé has never been mean or an ass hole or even remotely unkind to me. He’s the greatest human I have ever met. Being addicted to the constant fighting and love bombing and breaking up and making up is a sign of an incredibly toxic relationship, deep insecurities on both sides and incredibly immature. When you grow up and heal from trauma, you get into good relationships. Which OP won’t be able to do until he heals his unaddressed trauma surrounding being rejected by women for being “too nice.” (Hint: that’s not actually why you’re rejected.)

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-01-26T05:14:14+00:00

When are you guys going to get it through your heads that being “nice” by itself is not a selling point? 🙃

kultureGirl · 2024-01-26T06:08:10+00:00

The other side of the coin is the same. Where a woman who wants loyalty and repsect as bare minimum has to beg for it. Men dont want to be with a woman just for holding hands and reading books together. They look for seggs.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2024-01-26T06:38:00+00:00

False. You get bored when you're incompatible or put up with repeated disrespect, lack of effort and relationship issues with attempts to fix them going unrecognized.

Zabadoodude · 2024-01-26T06:49:11+00:00

Women are genuinely repelled by spineless men not kind men.

A kind, confident man that will stand up for what he believes in and is not afraid to speak his mind can do just fine with women. In fact women seem to prefer these men.

A man that's a shy people pleaser will have a much harder time, even if he's also kind.

avpd_girl · 2024-01-26T07:01:03+00:00

Why would you think that women would be attracted to someone purely because they are “nice”? How do you even define being an asshole?

alexoid182 · 2024-01-26T08:14:29+00:00

Not true. It's only if you are needy as well as nice.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-01-26T08:15:53+00:00

The conflation of being nice and boring continues. When these people are saying they're nice they usually mean something more like stable or boring, if you ask them to name one good deed they did that they didn't personally benefit from in the last week they usually can't. And then they'll call someone else an asshole just because they make sarcastic jokes. Tbh if you're talking about how horrible everyone else is and complaining about women all having partners who are horrible and don't deserve it and that makes them horrible that is a lot of negative judgement which is not nice.

NeonGladiator2 · 2024-01-26T15:24:52+00:00

100% true. I'm dating a religious good girl.

I've cheated on her several times (she found out about it). She wants me more than ever and is hornier than ever as well. She wants me so badly it's not even funny.

When i was the doormat guy in past relationships I got cheated on.

Common_Hamster_8586 · 2024-01-26T04:21:02+00:00

Women want a dynamic partner instead of a one-dimensional being? Oh shit, that’s news to me.

czarthegreat1 · 2024-01-26T09:33:47+00:00

I smell bullshit

Defundisraelnow · 2024-01-26T07:46:13+00:00

Most of these "nice wholesome guys" are only nice and wholesome on the outside. There's a mess boiling just under the surface. A lot of women can sense it.

Hosj_Karp · 2024-01-26T08:45:05+00:00

No. This idea that anyone actually prefers being treated badly is absurd, totally unsupported by evidence, and usually a cope by "nice guys" who aren't actually as kind as they think they are. (Actually "kind" people are not always romantically successful, but they are almost always socially successful. If you have no friends, chances are its because your an asshole)

A better explanation is "both men and women prefer kind partners, but they just prefer hot partners even moreso".

Sadsad0088 · 2024-01-26T04:36:31+00:00

Do you mean actually kind or completely without backbone?

Those are two very different things that usually get confused especially by people without backbone

one_little_victory_ · 2024-01-27T12:21:13+00:00

The "men" in this subreddit never cease to disgust me with their sick, dysfunctional thinking.

However, they hardly hurt women with it. They only hurt themselves.

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Ex_Machina_1 · 2024-01-26T06:04:06+00:00

.....Says some random ass redditor.

rpujoe · 2024-01-26T06:39:21+00:00

Go watch some hoe_math on Youtube. His early videos nailed it last year.

RedPillDad · 2024-01-26T14:28:21+00:00

The nice guy comes across as sweet and caring. Those are feminine traits that make him more likeable but less desirable. The 'asshole' comes across as confident and selfish. Those are masculine traits that make him more desirable but less likeable.

A man's confidence is as powerful an attraction factor for a woman as her beauty is for him.

rickygrimezz · 2024-01-26T14:33:03+00:00

This is misleading because people confuse the identity definitions while not recognizing honestly who they really are...

It's NOT so much about "being an asshole." This is the way psychologically weak men frame things to avoid recognizing that they're severely lacking in basic masculinity.

Women are attracted to masculinity. Because we have so many effeminate pathetic vidya games dorks out there....they frame it as "being attracted to assholes." These guys do this to avoid an honest self-assessment.

Women are NOT attracted to men who are scaredy cat pussies. That does NOT mean they're attracted to assholes. It can happen that some asshole types tend to project masculinity. That doesn't mean the woman wants an asshole dude. It means that their field to select from is mostly composed of effeminate vidya game pussies and this other type of more toxic and aggressive man.

Women like men who act manly. Why wouldn't it be that way?

Women...basically every single one of them...like men who are bold. Try going up to a beautiful woman you don't know in public...look her in the eyes and say, "You're beautiful." Oh, you don't have the nerve to do that? Well, I do, and this is a damn powerful thing a man can do. There's nothing "asshole" about it. It's actually very friendly and complimentary. And, it fucking works!

Agile_Celebration492 · 2024-01-26T15:27:55+00:00

Hm. I think that may be true of people in general but maybe not lovers. I think you're mistaking kindness for weakness

Glass_Bucket · 2024-01-26T15:42:40+00:00

If women are repelled by kind men then how do you explain all those romance movies aimed at women?
With the exception of stuff like fifty shades of grey, most romance media involves a man who's genuinely kind to a woman. You don't see too many romance movies about a woman who falls in love with an abusive ex-convict

purplish_possum · 2024-01-26T15:56:14+00:00

No one like obsequious whimps.

DeJuanBallard · 2024-01-26T16:04:54+00:00

I've been on both sides and can confirm , you are much more liked when your the funny asshole , saying mean things and acting nonchalant.

bd31 · 2024-01-26T16:36:35+00:00

How about a FAIR person than a "NICE" person.

It's hard to respect a person that's either a doormat or a tyrant.

gokeke · 2024-01-26T17:05:40+00:00

Women don’t want assholes, they want men that are ASSERTIVE!!!

612King · 2024-01-26T17:20:56+00:00

Women test for strength. Being an asshole to other people (including her) shows some of that strength her biology yearns for, even if she vocally says she’s a strong and independent woman. Nice guys don’t present that “strength” factor very well.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-01-26T17:47:06+00:00

what you consider genuinely kind men are probably people pleasers who have few boundaries and place women and other people above themselves. or guys who lack in other departments in terms of being attractive to women. at least those are the 'nice guys' i've always seen struggle with women in my life. i also know genuinely kind men who are in relationships with attractive women.

Expensive_Bug_9135 · 2024-01-26T17:50:14+00:00

what is "truly kind" and what is "some degree of asshole"?

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-01-26T17:55:12+00:00

Y’all talking about personality disorder women again?

Leaving-trunk2 · 2024-01-26T17:57:03+00:00

I think “nice guy” just means guy who doesn’t feel comfortable taking a risk on making someone else uncomfortable. Which is unavoidable if you’re making romantic advances. “Nice guys” just need to learn that they might actually be sexy and might actually receive positive outcomes from sexualizing women.

moosemc · 2024-01-26T18:14:09+00:00

We can never know.

complete_doodle · 2024-01-26T18:14:49+00:00

Couldn’t disagree more.

My husband is the kindest man I’ve ever met. That’s exactly what drew me to him in the first place - I’ve never regretted marrying him. Of my similarly-aged girlfriends who also married young (we’re all 23-24), all of them also married kind men, without any asshole-ish tendencies. I do believe that most women genuinely value kindness in their partners, especially if they’re looking for a long-term partner or a husband. If you’re only goal is to have a hookup or short term relationship, maybe it doesn’t matter as much.

BusinessGarage2606 · 2024-01-26T18:26:57+00:00

I married a 100% wholesome man. He is never mean to me, he was never an asshole. I’m his princess.

I’ve never been repulsed by him.

JayRadio80 · 2024-01-26T19:03:35+00:00

None of this matters. What matters is that you honestly be yourself and stand up for what you do or don’t want and your beliefs. No more and no less. This otherwise is not a biological principle of any kind.

Many of you aren’t doing what it takes to form relationships. Personality has nothing to do with it. You’re not getting laid because you aren’t really doing anything.

gopher_glitz · 2024-01-26T19:08:38+00:00

Bring nice isn't sexy, it's not a turn on. Being cruel or mean usually is a turn off however.

furcryingoutloud · 2024-01-26T19:14:37+00:00

A lot of people really mislabel what girls really like. I have found that it is not being an asshole. Simply being firm in your position is sufficient. Want me to come to you now? Sorry, no, I'm busy. I will call you when I am on my way. Have your own life and be firm about not allowing anyone to impose on it and suddenly most women are hooked.

Nice guys, stop saying yes to everything. No need to be an asshole, just be firm in your decisions and don't be swayed by their charms. Nuff said.

captainhowdy82 · 2024-01-26T19:15:25+00:00

Well… no. Men who are NOT kind are a turn off.

Alarmed-Rent-5384 · 2024-01-26T19:27:03+00:00

Idk was pretty head over heals with this funny cute nice guy… had guys who where hot but assholes hit on me and it did not feel the same at all as they mostly disgusted me lol:)

nihongonobenkyou · 2024-01-26T19:32:32+00:00

Wish I'd gotten in on this thread earlier, but I'll attempt to articulate my thoughts anyway. I'm sure someone has said something similar, but I don't want to soft through the bottom to find them.

I don't think people understand the difference between kindness, and harmlessness. You need to be capable of being aggressive, if you want kindness to actually mean anything. It's a relative term, and without the term to relate to, it's meaningless. You need to be capable of aggression, both intellectually and physically.

When it's possible to extend kindness, you do so. However, the environment isn't fully under your control, and kindness cannot protect you from physical danger, nor every possible social one. Even if you extend kindness, the situation could escalate to attempts at reputational damage, or even physical violence.

If you're not capable of then channeling that aggression, to necessarily deal with the situation, you're just harmless. You don't have any other social mode besides "kindness". And why would that be attractive? You might as well date a fuckin' house plant.

On the other hand, being able to be both aggressive and kind, is attractive for obvious evolutionary reasons. It lets you know that the mate is a reliable protector and provider. Yet, it also lets you know that he will not only treat you and your offspring well, but is capable of building strong mutually beneficial relationships with the rest of the species.

Western_Rabbit_8106 · 2024-01-26T19:38:29+00:00

No its not being an asshole its assertiveness. Women want a man who is assertive and not a pushover which can come across as being an asshole

Natural-Tear-2899 · 2024-01-26T20:39:10+00:00

You can definitely be a nice guy & still have a backbone. My ex was so nice all the time, but it helped that he knew when to be assertive or dominant. Gotta find the right in between, but still keep in mind all women are different

verdantsound · 2024-01-26T20:45:59+00:00

Most men believe that being kind means being a pushover.

zen-things · 2024-01-26T22:11:11+00:00

This type of post and mindset will never not be cringe as long as y’all think you can “silver bullet” being attractive by being nice or being mean.

Until you realize that this “mix of nice and asshole” is essential to nearly every job, endeavor, negotiation, and relationship, I will always think the people who write these posts have the mindset of an edgy 12 year old.

Also the underlying assumption is that “most girls think alike”, so try again there.

Kapoue · 2024-01-26T23:13:12+00:00

39M I'm a very kind, mostly attractive, feminist, sensitive man (I've cried on a lot of first date when sensitive topics arose) in an long term commited but open couple. I can give them a fuck buddy/fwb/casual dating/situationship but nothing commited or romantic. I rarely had a first date where the girl didn't want to see me again. And when they did not, it's usually the poly thing that is a problem.

A lot of women are looking for someone who is assertive and acts with confidence. This often gets lumped in the asshole category because a lot of assholes have these qualities. But you can be kind and act with confidence.

ShelterNo2786 · 2024-01-26T23:32:08+00:00

Completely disagree.

In my experience women are attracted to kind men. Only damaged women are into abusive men.

You can be kind, not be an asshole and still act in a way where the women will not get bored.

Searchtheanswer · 2024-01-27T02:24:15+00:00

There is nothing special about being kind. That’s the bare minimum. The thing about guys who think they’re a “kind guy” is that they think it’s the only trait they need. And in exchange for their “kindness” they think they deserve something always. Kindness won’t make up for a lack of personality, lack of physical attraction, lack of financial security, lack of sharing interest, lack of everything else needed in a relationship. So yes this type of kind is repelling and so are assholes. And ironically, this type of “kind” guy comes off like an asshole because women can see right through someone who is not genuine being kind without expecting anything in return

cuiix · 2024-01-27T03:43:22+00:00

They'd rather be beaten by hot men than be treated with humanity by an average man.

That in and of itself should tell you all you need to know

NarwhalsInTheLibrary · 2024-01-27T04:14:00+00:00

no. women are repelled by passive, timid, indecisive men. this comes across as weak. if you are somewhat assertive, confident, kind, and not a doormat, that is good. There is nothing wrong at all with being a kind caring man. In fact that will help you more in the later stages than being an asshole will, at least that is the case with the majority of mentally healthy women. It has little to do with meeting a woman or getting her attention in the first place (charm, good looks, being interesting and funny are the best ways to do that). But after you get to know her if you're trying to have an actual relationship, the kind and caring aspects are very important.

odeacon · 2024-01-27T12:43:22+00:00

It’s not about assholery, it’s about masculinity and power. Generally speaking, women want masculine guys. Someone who won’t use his power to subject her, but who has the means to

Title	Most girls are genuinely repelled by truly kind men, you have to have some degree of asshole in you or they will get bored
Author	The-Loop
Upvotes	185
Comments	493
Date	January 26, 2024 1:43 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ab6iwm/most_girls_are_genuinely_repelled_by_truly_kind/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-girls-are-genuinely-repelled-by-truly-kind.1243806 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243806

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