I’m a 21F. I’ve been celibate for almost 4 years because I wanted my next sexual experience to be in a relationship. I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I’ve dated intentionally and only went out with men who claimed they also wanted something serious.

As a result I was ghosted, slow fades, no commitment.

What I’ve consistently observed is that the same men who say they want “low body count” women put in far more effort for women who are sexually available. They plan dates, chase harder, stay more engaged, and don’t disappear. The “good girl waiting for a relationship” gets treated as optional, while the sexually open woman gets the attention and investment.

So at this point, the messaging doesn’t match the behavior. Men publicly idealize one type of woman but privately reward another.

At this point, I’m done playing the “good girl” role for a payoff that never comes. I’m entering my hoe phase and prioritising my own experience instead of trying to fit an ideal that men say they want but don’t actually choose.