The #1 advice to any male who complains about struggling with dating is that they need to work on themselves and self-improve. No matter how many things the guy said he's tried, no matter how much effort he's put, he's always told to self-imprOOve even more- whether it's getting more hobbies, getting a bigger social circle, or working on his "personality" because merely complaining on Reddit proves that he's desperate and insecure.

Basically, what it really comes to is that unless the guy is a fully self-actualized peak human, he always has more work to do and so every man's complaints is shut down with the retort that his lack of self-actualization is what prevents him from getting in a relationship.

By Reddit's standards, in order to date, the guy needs to have a vast array of hobbies, be well-read, well-spoken, well-traveled, worldly, cultured, socially successful, academically and professionally successful. He needs to be fit, well-dressed, well-groomed, and fashionable. He has to be intelligent, suave, charismatic, and an excellent conversationalist that knows how to make a room light up with laughter. On the inside, he has to basically be an enlightened buddha: he has to be fully confident and secure in himself, have zero insecurities whatsoever, derive his self-worth entirely intrinsically, don't get phased by any negative events, have an absolutely pristine moral character, and most importantly, he must not have any inner struggles or mental issues at all. Because if he does? Then he clearly doesn't love himself enough, and as bluepillers love saying to men, "how can anyone love you when you don't love yourself"?

Nevermind that countless insecure, low-self esteem, self hating women have loving, supportive boyfriends who'll move the world to make her happy, and that these women often become much more mentally healthy as a result of their relationships. Nevermind that unemployed women, boring women, shy women, misandrist women, just about every type of woman you can think of is doing more than fine in dating. All while our 25 year old virgin is busy grinding at his job to advance his career, studying standup comedians to become more funny, spending countless hours working on becoming a more interesting, self-actualized person... all so that when he finally finished is journey of self-improvement, 15 years down the road, he'll have a chance at dating an ugly, 40 year old single mother whose hobbies consist of drinking wine and watching Netflix. Is it any wonder at all why so many men are dropping out of the dating market?

And all that is not to mention simply how unrealistic this expectation is, especially for young men. For the men who desire love, intimacy, and companionship, these things are fundamental to achieving self-actualization in the first place. In the Maslow hierarchy of needs, love / intimacy / companionship are near the bottom, while self-actualization is at the very top. So many people spend decades or even their entire lives without really achieving self-actualization. How is it all realistic or reasonable to expect young men to have self-actualized before trying to date?

Which brings me to my last point: men don't expect ANY such thing from women. For all relationships from hookups to marriages, for all women from the most hideous to the most beautiful. When a woman has insecurities or self-esteem issues, men love them regardless and try to support them. When women are shy and anxious, men are patient with them and try to get them comfortable. If a woman struggles to make friends or connect with others, men still try to get to know her, while a woman will write off such a man without a second though.

Yes I know, hypergamy, biology, blah blah blah, I fully understand how it works and why things are this way. Regardless of the why, it's simply mind boggling how insane expectations are on men, and just how much more understanding, generosity, and grace men provide to women than vice-versa (in dating).