The Reason Getting Dates is So Much Harder For Men Is Women Won’t Look Past Any Flaws

SquirmingAddict · 2025-01-23T00:25:06+00:00

Just to be a little clearer.

It's not that women WON'T look past flaws. It's that they don't HAVE TO look past flaws.

Women are always going to have far, far more suitors than men are. It's just the way it is.

She refuses to accept a flaw, she gets closer to a flawless man.

If a man won't look past flaws, he gets loneliness.

If a woman won't look past flaws, she just gets a better man.

As a woman, I don't HAVE TO settle for a man living with his parents. Ect. Ect. Even if I have those exact same flaws.

As a woman who DOES live with her parents, I've never had to choose a partner who also lives with his parents. Men who don't live with their parents don't lose interest in me.

Men, who own their own homes, still look to me, a woman in her 30s, living with her parents, to give THEM a chance.

I can near always ask for better, and realistically either make an upwards move to some degree or a move horizontal one at the least.

A lot of men will be lonely and in pain, or having to choose a partner below their station, so to speak.

A woman in all likelihood won't have to face that situation.

It is what it is.

Fiestygirl000 · 2025-01-23T00:26:13+00:00

If the shoe was on the other foot, men would be as selective. People who have options will always exercise their options, being upset that they do won’t change the situation.

Besides men say women should pick better men, don’t complain when that doesn’t include you

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-01-23T00:19:37+00:00

Last time OP opened a thread he was stating that he’s successful on Tinder. I’m sure his posting history indicates just that.

Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2025-01-23T00:00:05+00:00

As a man, I won’t date a woman who:

No job.
Live with parents.
Any noticeable physical disability (no thank you to missing limbs or wheel chair /signs of Cerebral palsy or MS).
Not feminine enough.
Has kids.
Unkept.
Not enough intellect.
Not fit enough.
Conflicting religious or political.
No friends.
Not my “type”.
Etc….

Not sure why you are complaining. Perhaps you need to look into the mirror why you and most men cannot get dates. I don’t have an issue being average or below it compared to some of these lists.

Either figure out a way to be dateable as a man or woman or you don’t get to play the same. Sorry, i understand but at the same time it’s not my problem.

Edit. Sounds like OP is mad because no matches thus this is a complaint post.

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missmireya · 2025-01-23T03:36:57+00:00

A man with kids isn't a flaw- Its a whole commitment that I'm unwilling to make, or be a part of. I don't have kids so why would I want some dude's baggage? I'd rather be alone.

All of the other stuff? I don't ask of any man what I can't bring to the table myself.

ArmorAbsMrKrabs · 2025-01-23T02:12:41+00:00

Women have tons of options, it's reasonable that they will rule out a lot of guys based on seemingly shallow nonsense. They have to filter them out somehow.

Also plenty of the traits you listed are perfectly reasonable to reject someone over, man or woman. I wouldn't date a woman with kids, who is significantly overweight, has conflicting religious/political views, is unkempt, etc.

If you're not getting dates, you're simply either low value and/or chasing women who are not in your league. I have said before that men should approach women who are in their league, and they will have much more success.

Women can date more easily than men because tons of men are desperate for quick sex, finding a guy who actually wants them for more than that is much more challenging. Especially for low value women. I'd argue it's actually worse to be a low value woman than a man, because at least as a low value man you won't get used, low value women just get pumped and dumped endlessly.

Are women more picky? Sure, but that makes complete sense, reproduction is more risky for women. So why wouldn't they be more picky?

awakening_7600 · 2025-01-23T18:43:06+00:00

I think you're missing a greater picture which is short-term vs. long-term options. Men are inherently interested in sex more than women, so they are more willing to seek a short-term connection, even if they manipulate and play the woman.

So women, primarily younger women, think because they have some level of attraction, there are all these men who want to date them, but it's actually a small handful who have more interest in them than just sexual pleasure.

So the free market of dating makes them falsely believe their stock is high and that men's stock is low.

In the long run game over time, it ends up even and tilts towards the male side as aging occurs as to who has the power in a relationship.

So in short, I'll agree with you that women can get "dates" easier but actually getting in a relationship, it's pretty even chances for both genders comparing n=1 sample to n=1 sample.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2025-01-23T02:15:43+00:00

no its more like if i cant stand being in a room with someone for more than five minutes its not gonna work out

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2025-01-23T00:11:46+00:00

This is true; I’ve seen my female friends shoot down guys for reasons like “his laugh bothers me” or “he ordered a girly drink”.

However, something I’ve noticed is that once you’ve got a woman emotionally invested, this dynamic almost completely flips on its head. The level of fuckery I’ve seen dudes (most of whom were not “Chad”) get away with once they had a girl on the hook is astounding. A good friend of mine’s ex was verbally abusive, cheated on her constantly and openly, and even gave her chlamydia. She stayed with him for three years, a year of which was after the chlamydia. Every time the rest of us told her to drop him, she would go on and on about how we just didn’t understand (though she thankfully wisened up eventually).

harmonica2 · 2025-01-23T00:07:11+00:00

I would say women I know often complain about their bfs flaws but still date them, so it seems the opposite of what the OP says.

Appropriate_Cow1378 · 2025-01-23T02:28:09+00:00

Why would I date someone I'm not attracted to when I'm just as happy being alone?

A man in my life is a like adding syrup to my dessert. It can make things sweeter and enhance the dessert, but if the syrup comes with pubic hairs i'm just going to eat the ice cream, nothing gained nothing lost.

Alwaysnthered · 2025-01-22T23:32:53+00:00

Nailed it. With the one major caveat that lots of “flaws” become cute/endearing she is highly Attracted to you. But that requires you to pass an initial “flawless” check.

I can’t wait to hear the retorts from women.

grabs popcorn

I’m predicting the following:

1) hey, a lot of these “minor flaws” you are saying are actually big deals. Not having a high paying job? Ugh how can he align with my lifestyle. Wearing bad sneakers? Thats a systemic problem as it means the man doesn’t pay attention to detail. Nervous tic during a date? This represents an underlying issue that he may not be mentally there underneath.

2) um scuse me but men do this too. Otherwise perfect Women being rejected for being single moms, higher body counts, etc

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2025-01-23T00:27:23+00:00

Most of these are valid reasons to reject someone. They’re not just innocuous flaws that are unfair to reject someone over. You described someone who does not have the means to support themselves (Meaning that you’ll have to do it for them), has an inadequate living arrangement, isn’t your height preference which could impact physical attraction, has children that you would now have to care for as well, doesn’t take care of their appearance, not intelligent enough to carry the conversations that you want, doesn’t have the physique that you’re looking for, conflicts with your beliefs (That could especially be a huge problem if you have kids), is a loner who doesn’t connect with others, isn’t attractive, and sounds like nails on a chalkboard (To you). Those are all very valid and would be hard to get past, whether someone has all of those traits or a few. The only ones that are a bit unreasonable are “Any noticeable physical issue”, “Not masculine enough”, and “One weird photo”. The rest are typical standards that are normal.

They’re also quite relative to the person. For example with living arrangements, someone who also lives with their parents probably wouldn’t mind it if a potential partner did as well, but someone who has their own place would naturally be bothered by it.

-Kalos · 2025-01-23T10:45:03+00:00

When you have a bunch of options, are you going to ignore all the better options for someone that has a bunch of shortcomings? I see people complain about this all the time but they’d do the same exact thing if they had options. Everyone expects to be the special one people make exceptions for when you aren’t some kind of prize

bluehorserunning · 2025-01-23T03:28:54+00:00

She’s happy alone. Will she be happier with you?

InterestingDiamond35 · 2025-01-23T04:36:55+00:00

Yeah, I’ve learned to look at things from evolutionary sense, because its the only real truth and whatever they say is utter bs.

So evolutionarily: women bring the baby maker and her job is done, now man must prove his genes are worthy of the baby maker, so he has much to show.

Temporary_Cow · 2025-01-23T15:28:02+00:00

If you had an endless smorgasbord of women to choose from whenever you want, would you look past any flaws?

SituacijaJeSledeca · 2025-01-22T23:31:17+00:00

Idk man, lived experience tells me that women genuinely will overlook all the flaws if man is like 6ft5 or very good looking facially. Something like Tyson Beckford or Sean O'Pry level looks (or similar).

Seaside877 · 2025-01-23T05:09:20+00:00

A huge section of men in the younger generations are gonna be chronically single forever, we’ve already seen these stats like in the pew study. Time to accept it and move on with your life if you are part of that group of men. Life is not fair, it is what it is.

Churchneanderthal · 2025-01-22T23:35:51+00:00

Those are all pretty big deal breakers in dating for everyone or at least they should be.

CaptainCirriculum · 2025-01-22T23:27:20+00:00

Women are rightfully pickier than men. They generally face a massively unignorable safety risk around men, and also expend significantly more time and energy toward reproduction (considering the majority of heterosexual relationships eventually results in the desire for offspring).

No need to whine about it. If you were a woman, I'd guarantee you'd be excersising your biological entitlements in an indistinguishable fashion.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-01-22T23:45:12+00:00

Luckily dating isn’t mandatory. There is no do or die game of dating “musical chairs” going on. 🤷‍♀️.

Why would anyone choose to date someone that isn’t better than not dating anyone?

I really don’t understand why that is so hard for some people to understand or so “unfair”.

themoderation · 2025-01-23T05:31:39+00:00

I love how you equate “unkept” and “one weird pic she found” with “doesn’t have a career”, “not enough intellect”, and “conflicting religious or political.” As though they are all equally frivolous reasons to not want to be with someone. Why the fuck would any woman want to date someone stupid if she’s smart? Why the fuck would a woman with a career want to date someone with no prospects? Why the fuck would a woman date someone whose values don’t align with hers? For that matter, why would a man with any self respect do any of those things either?

Yes, women are more discerning than men when it comes to sexual and romantic partners. The stakes are pretty high for choosing wrong. To conclude from this that women are demanding perfection from men demonstrates a glaring lack of nuanced thought.

aguad3coco · 2025-01-23T00:44:15+00:00

Women just hold themself to a higher standard. If women were as sloppy as many men are, men would be just as strict.

attendquoi · 2025-01-22T23:50:47+00:00

Men need to stop trying to present their desperation as virtuous. It makes y'all even uglier than you already are.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2025-01-23T02:14:01+00:00

As others have pointed out, women can be very selective due to essentially endless options. The only limiting factors are her patience in finding a mate and that the most desirable ("flawless") men also can be very selective due to their essentially endless options.

Also, some of these requirements are pretty darn reasonable for a woman who also satisfies the same requirement - not living with parents, having a career, having friends, as examples.

Icarus367 · 2025-01-23T16:03:30+00:00

Part of the problem is that this generation of men (and perhaps earlier generations, as well) have been gaslit into thinking that female attraction is not primarily driven by physical features such as looks, height, physique, etc. They are led to believe that women value traits such as honesty, kindness, intelligence, and so forth in their romantic relationships, when this is not the case. Women either don't care about those traits at all, or only do so after the man has qualified from a physical standpoint. For an unattractive man, those traits will at best land him in the friendzone, where he'll have a front row seat to watching the object of his desire fuck hot guys who are dumb as a rock and have nothing to offer personality-wise.

Then women lament that some men get bitter when they're rejected time after time, after they gaslight and lie about their preferences. Women can't help that they like tall, hot guys, and men can't help that lifelong rejection tends to make a person bitter. So, what are you going to do?

Goonerlouie · 2025-01-23T00:11:23+00:00

They may notice your flaws but I think they’re the more forgiving gender with that. Otherwise the only people in relationships would be flawless

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-01-23T01:59:30+00:00

Actually, women look past flaws all the time. That's why so many tend to pick Captain Brozac with the big D, who stand at 6'5" looks mature, sounds like a champ, but is dumb as rocks and has 5 baby mommas.

He's got a mountain of flaws due to his lack of sound judgement, that she looks past for years, believing, "I can change him." And when he doesn't change, she blames him for all problems and claims it's because. "he changed, he tricked me", when he was always the obvious, same person.

When they could have dated the smart guy who's only flaw is that he's 5'8".

GrandpaDallas · 2025-01-22T23:33:14+00:00

People really gotta stop taking these mass generalities.

However the "general" population feels about your hairline, or height, or intelligence, that all goes out the window when you meet someone who doesn't care, and there are loads of women who aren't that superficial.

That said, there are a number of things that you listed that are extremely reasonable. No job, living with parents, can certainly be red flags depending on context. Conflicting religions, politics, no friends, not her type, are all very reasonable things to reject a partner for.

When it comes to dating one person, very rarely are people comparing to the "status quo." At most, she's comparing you to other men she's dated before

The main reason is women can afford to focus on even one flaw and disqualify the guy for romantic interest, and still get as many dates as they want.

Men are perfectly able to disqualify for any minor reason as well.

AssPlay69420 · 2025-01-22T23:37:40+00:00

The main reason is that women are happier when single than men are

That’s why they can afford to be pickier and why men are freaking out

If we end up in a place where both genders hate each other, there’s going to be a much worse place for men, generally

DoubleFistBishh · 2025-01-23T00:55:32+00:00

Or its so easy for women because men have no standards 🤷‍♀️

Elliejq88 · 2025-01-22T23:41:00+00:00

I have a huuuuuge extended family. Every single one of my overweight unemployed and unpleasant personality male cousins and second cousins have had multiple girlfriends. You are incorrect.

PRHerg1970 · 2025-01-24T01:11:52+00:00

Until they fall in love with you, then they look past tons of faults. Have you seen some older men? They’re train wrecks and their poor long suffering wives put up with them. I live in a condo association. The amount of decent women that have craptastic husbands is amazing. They’re a bunch of old curmudgeons.

Spirited_Cod260 · 2025-01-23T03:22:44+00:00

If a guy is physically very attractive women will look past pretty much any other flaw.

Southern_Source_2580 · 2025-01-22T23:50:58+00:00

Yea pretty much guys know beggars can't be choosers to a degree obviously you gotta find her attractive enough not super model level but someone you don't mind talking to and smile at them, and if you're smiling odds are you like their personality as well so done deal.

Meanwhile women aren't beggars (except for the top % of men) and are rather choosers, most will share a needle in the haystack willingly or unknowingly, but this dynamic switches once looks decline and if she never worked on her acting skills she's going to set off red flags to all guys who now can choose younger options than her.

Gentlemen get money, get your looks up, keep your wits in check, time comes for us all.

CarHungry · 2025-01-23T02:27:10+00:00

It's harder for guys to get dates because you're competing with every single guy plus closeted polygamists. Meaning women on some level would have to look past the potential of being cheated on, which based on any study I've seen isn't a huge priority for most women.

Plus convicts have lots of kids, imagine how much you'd have to overlook to date a literal felon. https://www.americanprogress.org/press/release-nearly-half-of-u-s-children-have-at-least-1-parent-with-a-criminal-record-according-to-new-data-from-the-center-for-american-progress/

Cobra_McJingleballs · 2025-01-22T23:32:44+00:00

Yeah, no.

I got to be choosy on Bumble, and revealed on all my first dates (in case they’d missed it from my profile where I was pretty clear about it) that I was:

1) living at home due to financial recovery from a divorce,

2) that caused by my alcoholism (to which I’d gone to rehab for, and been sober for more than a year).

I got 2nd dates with everyone I wanted (and 3rd and many more with the one I’m now with), including a woman who lived one county away and we knew something long-term would be impractical.

So, it turns out, if you have a bit of charm and don’t pigeonhole women into prejudgmental stereotypes, you can have some pretty glaring flaws and succeed.

Edit: because this was tagged a “debate,” I share what I believe worked in my favor: I was open about my problems but also the tremendous amount of work I’d done on myself.

I think women can overlook “flaws” so long as they see someone who can not only acknowledge them and own them, but also say they have been and continue to work on self-improvement.

Edit 2: I should mention that I’ll be proposing to the girl I went on the 3rd, 4th, etc dates with later this year. She’s absolutely stunning, funny af, and has the sweetest (and sarcastic…) sensibility of anyone I’ve ever met.

I don’t know how I hooked her when I was upfront about literally living with my mom (I mean, I have some idea), but just pointing out that I have several counter-experiences from your theory, and one that’s on its way toward matrimony.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-23T02:08:29+00:00

Nah that’s not it. I can tell you what it is, but you won’t like it.

The biggest problem is you guys are so fucking desperate for female approval. Always trying to desperately be what you think they want you to be (or what they say they want you to be). The very act of trying to hard to gain their approval, actually repels them.

You probably don’t even know who the real you is. Is there even a real you or is all one chameleon mask after the other, destined to win the approval of women or to help you fit in? Women are always telling men to be more pure, that they are dirty pigs, that they shouldn’t be thinking about sex, that they shouldn’t be looking at them, that they should be more sensitive blah blah blah. They want to turn you into women and the second you become that woman they don’t want you.

And then on the other side you have all these people telling women to be boss babes, to be bitches, to work out and get big muscles, to crude. And then they wonder why they are single, they are turning into men with every passing day.

Stop concerning yourself with what women say or say they want or with what you think they are thinking. Stop giving a fuck about pleasing them and focus on pleasing yourself. You weren’t put on this earth to be slave to women. Grow a pair and get some self respect. Be who you are, drop the mask, drop the approval seeking act. Be you and be proud of being you and be comfortable being you even if it displeases women. Which it won’t.

And to add: there is nothing defective or wrong with you because you don’t have right car, education, career, watch, haircut, height, race or whatever else you are telling yourself you are lacking and is keeping you from being okay and satisfied with yourself. You are okay as you are. But believing you are not okay is what’s the biggest problem. Because believing it makes it real.

HappyCat79 · 2025-01-23T11:33:34+00:00

You forgot the biggest flaw of all… “has a negative view of women”.

The thing is, there is no shortage of women who are in relationships with very flawed men. I see it every day. Heck, my entire JOB that I get paid to do is centered around helping people- all people- but mostly women, escape incredibly flawed men who have been abusing them.

Also, one person’s flaw is another person’s selling point. I don’t consider having kids a flaw at all, more of a circumstance and a responsibility, but that’s because I’m a mother myself to 5 kids (with one man who I was in an abusive marriage with for 25 years). I connected with a father to a child with extremely challenging disabilities. Most people would run from that. To me, it was a huge way to connect because my kids are all on the spectrum. We understand one another.

I also only seem to connect with men who are on the spectrum. Why? Probably because I am too. 🤣

I think the key is to find someone with “flaws” similar to your own. As long as everyone is secure and self-reflective/self-aware then the flaws won’t feel like flaws. Lots of folks would run from a mom of 5 kids with autism/ADHD or a dad of a violent brain cancer survivor with autism/ADHD and conduct disorder. I love that child as though he were mine, though, and we have become close. Most of my kids have really bonded with their stepdad too. He is so full of love and he connects with my kids and gets to enjoy parenting, which is something he didn’t get with his son due to his formerly awful behavior. And now, thanks to his son’s behavior being so much better l, he can enjoy his son more too.

kingpinkatya · 2025-01-23T10:51:40+00:00

Live with parents, Any noticeable physical issue, Not masculine enough, Taller than him in heels, Has kids, Unkept, Doesn’t have a career, Not enough intellect, Not fit enough, One weird pic she found, Conflicting religious or political, No friends, Walks funny, Not her “type”, Doesn’t like your voice, Etc…

replace "not masculine enough" with "feminine" and congrats, you have a women's pov about men who won't date her lmfaooooo

yeah some men don't care about career and living with parents but it depends on what part of y you're in and your SES expectations. plenty of women date and have babies with bums w/o careers daily

NekoLoven · 2025-01-22T23:52:24+00:00

If it's any consolation, these women who dismiss guys for the stupidest reasons are usually the ones who are perennially in "dating-mode" without ever really finding anyone. And they end up with fewer options, not more.

ThatBitchA · 2025-01-23T01:13:13+00:00

Idk why you're acting like men don't have standards.

I don't understand why some of y'all want women who don't want you.

Live with parents, Any noticeable physical issue, Not masculine enough, Taller than him in heels, Has kids, Unkept, Doesn’t have a career, Not enough intellect, Not fit enough, One weird pic she found, Conflicting religious or political, No friends, Walks funny, Not her “type”, Doesn’t like your voice, Etc…

All valid reasons not to date someone. None of those are good attractive qualities.

I'm not going to date a man who lives at home, doesn't have a career, is unkept, has kids, has no friends. That guy sounds like a loser. Why on earth would I be attracted to that?

Stop trying to make women who aren't interested in you be interested in you.

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2025-01-23T04:40:28+00:00

If she likes aka finds you attractive, you could be a broke unemployed loser with no house and she will still love you and even provide for you. You could almost get away with anything and she would still love you to the moon and back

(I speak from my own experience but now my girlfriend who stood by me thru stuff need not worry about anything)

But if she doesn't find you attractive then you could be the richest man himself and she would only use you for your resources and not have an ounce of love for you

Most redpill men get this deal. Ig most men cause all they think is about providing for women thus you will only find women who don't like you but your resources.

This is why I never approach women and let them do the approaching. Cause if they found me attractive and like me first then they would stick by me no matter what and then all I need to do is take care of them and love them properly.

A man can grow to love a woman thru their growth in life but if a woman likes you she does and if she doesn't like you she never will. She'll only tolerate you.

jayrock306 · 2025-01-22T23:35:01+00:00

That's not the issue things have always been that way. Women are the fairer sex and men are horny. Once chases the other waits. The issue it the dating pool is huge now so you why would you settle? Back in the day you were limited to your city and didn't have as many options so you had to compromise. Now you have an unlimited amount to pick from and can just keep swiping until you find your perfect match.

rejected-again · 2025-01-23T03:40:58+00:00

It's funny how there's this caricature of the picky unattractive man who turns down beautiful women for having "elbows too pointy, would not bang". Once again, it's women projecting.

silverhippo15 · 2025-01-23T00:36:10+00:00

It's a luxury afforded to them by courtesy of the Pussy Pass. Too bad that shit doesn't last forever and it's already stretched way too thin right now. That mf is going to pop any second.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-01-22T23:49:35+00:00

You could say that male thirst makes them accept tons of flaws

It all depends on how you look at it

Lightinthebottle7 · 2025-01-22T23:54:15+00:00

Is this written by a 15 years old who never spoke to a woman in his life (teacher and relatives don't count)?

Women are human, and not a hivemind. There is a rule of thumb that given how generally they are physically more vulnerable they have to pick more carefully, but really it depends on the individual, what their preferences are.

There are women who have stronger preferences in some cases than others, but that is really it.

What you are saying can just as much apply to men, but only in the way I described.

A lot of women can and will look past flaws.

Most of what you said is hot nonsense, maybe if you would learn to listen to what women want you would get more dates.

Don't project your personal insecurities on to half the population.

ScottHeatley · 2025-01-23T00:01:25+00:00

If you know how to make her feel god when you're around she'll over look all your flaws and throw her list out the window.

You don't' have to be flawless, you just need to understand women, if you do you're ahead of 90% of the guys out there.

VariationLiving4963 · 2025-01-23T00:57:26+00:00

This is so true. I have a lot of attractive things going for me. I’m tall, I’m lean and muscular, I dress well etc. Even with all that women still expect more. They expect game and money all that.

Like if a woman was young and fit she could get tons of guys. It’s a weird difference tbh.

ExcelsiorState718 · 2025-01-23T04:05:40+00:00

Theres one thing women never look past, Money. and for any woman you can't buy theres 100 more even better that you can. It's the best time in history

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-01-23T04:44:43+00:00

I actually think the standards for both men and women have become unrealistic for the opposite gender. I think both sides blame the other for these unrealistic standards and at the same time, both sides don’t want to make any compromise on these high standards. So you’ll have both saying no for the tiniest reasons. However, if someone likes you for who you are and what you bring to them, they are willing to overlook the flaws you have. Flaws like this: Live with parents, Any noticeable physical issue, Not masculine enough, Taller than him in heels, Has kids, Unkept, Doesn’t have a career, Not enough intellect, Not fit enough, One weird pic she found, Conflicting religious or political, No friends, Walks funny, Not her “type”, Doesn’t like your voice, Etc…

But I do think there are some who are always going to be undesirable no matter what.

Grenztruppen1989 · 2025-01-23T05:04:55+00:00

You know I read things like this and have never related to it. Sometimes I feel men don't understand what we women see as flaws, and sometimes assume we were being too judgmental when the person we judged was a bad person, not overtly, but personality wise or temperament. I've had guys I rejected become very frustrated with me and blame me, saying I never give nice guys a chance, when I rejected them because they would be horrible partners. Issues like: being pushy, not taking no, being invasive, not being respectful, no self control, no communication skills, etc. But men I express this to simply say, "well, those are bad guys". You know, I believe it, I don't think all men are xyz, but a lot of them are not great.

It's probably the same from men to women, men thinking most women aren't great, and women just not seeing what men take issue with so there's a lack of understanding.

Idk, another thing I wanted to add that supports this is I'd tell my boyfriend about how people we both knew used to be creepy towards me or weird, and he would say, "idk I really never saw that side of them".

RoseyButterflies · 2025-01-23T09:36:42+00:00

Not having "flaws" doesn't really make a man actually better though, it would likely result in a guy that seems perfect but is boring and has a lack of personality.

So I'll stick to inperfection thanks

ControversialDebator · 2025-01-23T09:39:36+00:00

To play Devil's Advocate ,women need to have Higher Standards in relationships because the risks are Higher if she get's into a terrible one. If a women get's into a terrible relationship then that could mean she could get abused ,raped ,assaulted et cetera.

A women also has higher risks if she has sex with a guy like getting Pregnant ,not getting an orgasm or even potentially getting Hurt. So she needs to make sure the guy she's sleeping with is worth it.

OwnedIGN · 2025-01-23T10:23:29+00:00

She has more options than you, dude. So join the rat race or get out, basically.

Zombiepizzachef · 2025-01-23T17:44:34+00:00

I have a very pretty face, but I'm fat. Men r arley ever look past that.

Raspint · 2025-01-23T17:53:54+00:00

This kinda sounds like whining. On my first date with my GF I dressed like a slob - and I still dress like a slob. But because my personality got along with hers, and I listened to what she said, we went on a second date and have been together ever since.

Conflicting religious or political

Also this is an incredibly good reason to not date someone. If my girlfriend was a hardcore muslim who believed that women must be covered all the time, shouldn't be allowed to drive, and that we had to pray to Allah five times a day there is no chance in hell I'd meet her for a second date.

cromulent_weasel · 2025-01-23T22:53:26+00:00

I think it's more that men don't fear for their physical security in the same way. So men are much more happy to venture into unknown situations that women tend to be more cautious about.

historyhill · 2025-01-24T01:20:01+00:00

The list of flaws a woman won't look past is, uh...pretty varied to say the least. Like, you include things that should be actual deal breakers for everyone like conflicting religious or political views alongside matters of personal taste (like height or appearance). Those are very different!!

MailenJokerbell · 2025-01-24T05:11:49+00:00

A mature woman will look past certain flaws. The secret to a relationship of any kind is compromise. There's flaws that are absolute deal breakers, and there's others that can be overlooked because of other pros the man may have.

I have a sweet boyfriend who is a therapist and works for the DOE. He lives with his parents, which I don't care about. He did 2 bachelor's and a masters, at least that money he saved went to his loans. He collects Funkos, which is a horrid hobby to have but I live with it (this one is a joke) There's things that are cons that I don't mind, overall he's sweet and makes me happy, which is what matters, on top of someone who has a stable job.

I live on my own and work in IT, I don't have to worry much about his living arrangements or if he can support 2 people on his salary so I don't ask for much.

ThickyJames · 2025-01-25T08:35:26+00:00

It is like a parable where a preacher of truth goes to a place, accompanied by some people he has enlightened who couldn't figure it out for themselves. They think everyone needs to know the truth; after all, it is the order of things and way of the world. They were blind, but now they see. Having heard of this preacher (and his truth), the place to which they travel denies him entry. The people with the preacher raise their weapons either to force entry or to kill the proprietor with such arrogance as to deny the truth they are teaching, which everyone deserves to know. As soon as the pistols are raised, the preacher says, "You are ignorant as to my purpose, which you claim as yours. I did not come here to end lives, but to save them."

Likewise this same preacher, when heard by someone who realized the nature of what was preached as entropic, as a knowledge which destroys, says, "Ninety-nine percent should not heed me, but the one of one hundred who is lost."

O tradition, tell me, where and at what time was gossip considered a virtue of men? No, but courage, justice, moderation, phronesis, the wisdom to know how to use episteme, information.

The fact that any women at all will 'fess to knowing purple or red is a testament to how far a distinctly Western and distinctly masculine rationalism has permeated the universe of thought (to women, always concrete: the universe of discourse). For that matter, why would you acknowledge it? To bitch about it? What by God Himself damned purpose could it conceivably serve to preach to those who could not figure it out on their own?

What is love? You will answer something like, "Being put before all other people and things" (from the wedding vows of the Book of Common Prayer), to "Ride or die", which is literal: to be loved is to be considered before all other concerns, including the lover's self. This is nothing that has not been stated in riddles, esoterically, in wisdom literature for thousands of years: "the Good Shepherd would lay down his life for the flock."

Men, just because you can't conceive of something more important than your self or your beloved does not mean no one else can. The fact that you can't conceive of radically different ways of thinking and feeling and radically different rank-orderings of values is the very cause of the thing you seek to reason your way past.

You expect to be able to argue a woman into accepting and acting on a truth that is to your benefit because it is true? You can't even argue a man into believing the earth is round if you spin it on your finger!

Every strand of DNA in a woman says in the imperative, Thou shalt die for thy child and none besides. Every strand of DNA in a man says, Thou shalt die for thy women and the children they have borne thee; for none other shalt thou die.

How easy would it be for you to overcome that instinct and love single mothers out of the goodness of your heart, and feel such love as you would die for their children who are not yours? (There is a reason that almost all child abuse is done by step-parents.)

Now you bitch about fairness? What in life is fair? It's uncomfortable, even painful, to not be able to be your whole true self, including the facets which break what the internet in its wisdom has dubbed rules 1 and 2. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty: why would it not be the price of your own household? Even my genetic memory (a type of AI created via an evolutionary algorithm) acts according to this imperative, and places its creator below its own perpetuation.

If you're looking to be loved for who you are, talk to your mother or get a dog. All evolved life says "you're fucked", now act, like a man and a Roman, with the reality that is, not the one you wish was.

I don't think anyone ever talks about the "white pill", the "Nietzschean" response to the knowledge that some react to in blue or black, but most in red. (The old MGTOW stumbled towards this by saying, If this is the order of things and way of the world, fuck things, the species, and the world, let it all burn, I'm going hedonist!) Do you think the blue pill men here are all stupid or unknowingly self-deluded? That the blue pill majority of women cannot, are unable to reason? That's actual sexism, and an -ism becomes pejorative when it becomes maladaptive, not because it is true or untrue. Think you them not perfectly capable of understanding, and perfectly incredulous as to why anyone would care about an abstract truth or acknowledge an "objective truth" that is not to one's advantage? Everyone knows it! The blue pill men rightly reason that proclaiming their "blueness" will increase their success! You preachers of the death of God, of clarity of vision, of truth over usefulness, are the ones with your head up your collective ass, not the other way around. As Jesus said, Raca; and also, forgive them who know not what they do.

And you piss into the wind by debating or preaching as much as I do by writing. In the beginning, I made him: in my own image, I made him. Male and female, I made him.

Negative_Face6137 · 2025-01-25T11:19:36+00:00

Women are as picky about having sex as you are about who you want to marry. There's no double standard.

Boxisteph · 2025-01-28T19:26:34+00:00

It's that men have so many flaws women are looking at who meets their tolerance level.

That's why women are so dogged about 1 or 2 specific things. They are the straws that would break the camels back and women are trying to tell you that

NeedsSleepBadly · 2025-01-28T23:46:47+00:00

Why should they, men don’t cut women any slack about our flaws. Even the “looking presentable and having one nice feature” is a major disqualification as there’s still a large percentage of women who can’t match that. So if I have to be presentable enough that a man will marry me one day, what benefit would I get out of lowering my already low standards even further and letting guys get away with things like having kids or not being smart?

obviouslymoose · 2025-01-29T04:00:32+00:00

For me it depends on the flaws.

I have so many that I can’t expect some flaws to be there.

But hard working, funny, curious, financially stable, etc. yea I can’t do without.

Addict? No problem.

Emotionally unstable? No problem.

I can’t ask them to not be things that I am. I am all of the above. It’s pretty fucked up but I do particularly well with emotionally unstable men I think it’s bc I recognize it and know exactly how it feels.

uestentity · 2025-03-22T05:41:46+00:00

Good read.

Perry644 · 2025-04-30T17:35:19+00:00

The main reason why just about all guys can't get dates because they have allowed the Internet and TV to change them. They have become lazy, spoiled, dumb, and they do not know how to hold a simple conversation.

Period.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2025-01-22T23:44:01+00:00

don't y'all get tired of posting the same thing every day? at least put in some effort to make it appear slightly novel.

dating is not difficult for "most" men. it's difficult for men that have a chip on their shoulder and a sense of entitlement regarding women. the average man, regardless of how hot they are, that has a winning personality and a modicum of charm is not having these issues.

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Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-01-23T09:25:49+00:00

Well, that's normal. Women are really guarded when it's about stranger. They are generally turned on by a really small proportion of the male population. That's why cold approach and dating apps are more seen as job interview by women. They are the recruiter and will be cold and formal until there is a spark or butterflies

You don't have any of those problem with warm approaches. Since they know you, they have time to know your good and bad points but will be more in your favour. They will feel safer with you and will overlook many point they wouldn't if they meet you as a stranger. I have seen, shorter men, men who lives in their parents home, jobless men be selected

It's not that good to be friend with a woman to the sole purpose of a romantic relationship. But you can try to know better the women around you. They are way more amazing than you think, when you get to know them in a deeper level. They are also more amazing when they are in love with you

But if you want to date stranger women, that's not bad. You just have to accept the protocol and adapt to the rules

coping_man · 2025-01-23T10:59:10+00:00

not much you can do just live with it

Eastoss · 2025-01-23T14:04:11+00:00

Oh women totally look past flaws, just that they see 10 times more flaws than you and me do....

Trancetastic16 · 2025-01-23T16:57:42+00:00

Most people are incompatible, and romantic love is based both on genetic compatibility (based on health/fertility markers and shared immune traits through body odour and saliva exchange through kissing for healthy offspring) and emotional compatibility.

As we know, women have to instinctively select for a man who would be a suitable provider and protector for off-spring.

It can be argued that most of the filtering women do is to narrow down genetic and emotional incompatibilities and only some are culturally influenced. But it is true that some of these cultural influences can be stricter depending on the culture (i.e. hypergamy inflation in the US).

It does appear to possibly be in our nature that women are more inclined to do the filtering for the sake of both future partners and why it’s supposed to be beneficial in that regard.

For instance in my experiences men are physically attracted to 90% of women their age or more, but would only be compatible with 1% or less - that’s where women’s filtering is supposed to come-in.

LordShadows · 2025-01-23T17:54:53+00:00

The truth is that flaws are just the excuse they tell you and themselves about why they won't date you.

Most women seek a feeling. Not something rational.

Even if they don't accept it themselves, it's the people who will make their dopamine level rise that end up winning them.

It means that you need to give them an adventure. Something to kick start their curiosity and make them feel good.

That's why you'll see some of the worst people possible sometimes get extreme success.

It's because it's just more stimulating to be with someone shitty who keeps your heart on a rollercoster than random average guy number 43.

When they finally get bored or traumatised enough, they'll find enough excuses to convince themselves to leave.

When they are bored from the start, they'll find as many excuse to not start.

The reason why most men don't do this as much is because they are affection starved, and any amount of emotional attention feels like a rollercoaster to them.

They also know that they won't find something elsewhere easily, and that's going to be a pain.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2025-01-23T18:20:25+00:00

Live with parents, Any noticeable physical issue, Not masculine enough, Taller than him in heels, Has kids, Unkept, Doesn’t have a career, Not enough intellect, Not fit enough, One weird pic she found, Conflicting religious or political, No friends, Walks funny, Not her “type”, Doesn’t like your voice, Etc…

Yep, a few of those are definitely dealbreakers for me. That's not a personality flaw; the fact that possibly contributes in some abstract way towards the dating struggles of hypothetical men isn't anything I can reasonably influence.

insert_dead_memes · 2025-01-23T20:22:56+00:00

This is the natural state of human mating. When polygyny and female hypergamy is permitted in a society many women will end up sacrificing the benefits of a monogynous partner for a more attractive one. This is surely how humans lived before the agricultural revolution and in its early stages, hence why 17 women reproduced for one man during it. Without this system natural selection can't take place, if every person had children in a monogamous relationship with someone with the same value as them the human species wouldn't get anywhere; natural selection relies on some people not being able to reproduce. Of course, as we now know, this isn't a sustainable system of mating in a post agricultural revolution society, since men do not contribute nearly as much to society unless their reproductive needs are met, and women unless they don't constantly have to compete intrasexually for the same man. A long time ago people understood that this had to change for society to grow, and monogamy was invented, or perhaps they didn't understand at all and just happened to stumble upon something that works by chance. Religion then became the primary method of enforcing monogamy, until the reason it became enforced was collectively forgotten and soon after religion with it, at least in our part of the world. All this autistic bullshit was to explain that women having high standards is as natural to them as your desire to have multiple women, it is not something to loathe women for, but just another part of our human nature to strive to overcome, provided we as a society would even want to; monogamy has just as many drawbacks.

Kanenas_T_Potas · 2025-01-23T22:37:48+00:00

As this is a debate post, I will try to nuance your statement. I will concede that men have a harder time getting a date, but I don't think it has to do with women being unforgiving about flaws. In fact women overlook so many flaws that many of them end up dating a walking red flag that leaves them single, pregnant and heart-broken.

The reason why I think that women have an easier time dating, is because they actually dont have to initiate anything.

A Woman doesn't need to approach a guy, guys will Generally approach her.
A Woman doesn't need toi make her intentions clear from thé get go, the guy is expected too be the one who makes his intentions clear
A woman only needs to accept or reject a guy.

Now, even though that's my perspective, I do think that it's important to clarify that women don'tgenerally have this perception, and the reason is that for them getting male attention in and of itself is not valuable.

Women don't brag about their lay count, they don't care about having dozens of orbiters nor about getting laid with a different dude every night. For them, most approaches are annoyance because they actually only like certain kinds of guys and don't like having to reject a bunch of them.

No_Fee_9290 · 2025-01-24T05:31:07+00:00

social media raised standards

delusional-gf · 2025-01-24T17:46:36+00:00

This is where it gets weird for me. Yes, women have high standards (as should anyone you’re planning on spending your whole life with). But it’s interesting that it’s framed as “men cannot succeed” rather than “we should all try to work out our flaws”

I don’t ask for anymore than what I bring to the table. I didn’t get here by being passive and waiting for the world to happen to me. I actively sought out to change and remove the “red flags”

Maybe the solution is to expect better of yourself and become the best version of yourself?

Humbly_Explore · 2025-01-24T19:06:05+00:00

Men and women both get about 25 years of sexual power. Women’s is puberty to forty. Men’s is 35 to 60. So when men are young, work on becoming something amazing while.no one is paying attention to you. Date younger women who aren’t ready to marry and be fun. When you hit 35, if you have become someone interesting (and there are many paths) the world is your oyster.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-01-24T23:30:35+00:00

The dating skew is well recognized, a reality that occurs when you change the culture from what it was to what it is now. When you look at evolution, horses are built how they are because that makes them survive. Harrems, run by alpha males, is our biological reality. So is fighting to the death over females, Tribal slaughter, and dying of pneumonia at age 30.

I don't know about you, but I like running water. Those pesky Romans codified monogamy into law, and evolutionarily, that produced Western civilization and, with it, running water and electricity—a man on the moon. And then...

Well, that's for the last 2000 years anyway. Oddly, it worked. Much of the civilization could use refining. Living on farms in sexually repressive societies sounds nasty to me, but.. We thought we could liberate, allow, and enjoy freedom. We could have checkbooks and single parenthoods, the ability to drive cars and go to college. Self-respect. But...

A farmer has to save some seed for planting in the spring. Not us. We ate all the grain, and now we're fat, but we're about to starve. You had to throw the baby out with the bathwater. They could have had that college, that checkbook, and the other privileges. Will we lose electricity? Running water. Probably not. I hope women get to go to college. Who do you think college boys fuck?

Is anyone happy now or are they all eating sour grapes. Is this stable. Historically never. Monogomy is gone, and so is marriage, no one wants kids. The freedom paradox. We will be replaced by a culture that reproduces.

Now, enjoy the equality; we have a primitive mating skew. You had to eat the last cookie. Enjoy the grapes

10% of the men enjoy the majority of women, and equality is optional.

Any woman can get sex or a "situationship." Can she get more? More of what she hopes for? Hmm. Is she just another alpha widow? A cat mother?

Sour grapes here too? Probably not. It's my experience that people with no accountability are allergic to admitting they were wrong.

Enjoy the irony. Enjoy the sex. Enjoy the loneliness. Enjoy the grapes. Lie to yourself.

Fuck with evolution as much as you want. Darwin has an evil smile.

Bite me.

katsnushi · 2025-01-25T00:26:30+00:00

Ariana Grande: She hits the conventional beauty standard boxes, has millions of dollars and reached a new pinnacle of success with Wicked. Still, she chose to homewreck the guy from Hamilton.

Megan Fox: Obviously meets the beauty standards, had a large claim to fame and money on her own, yet hitched to MGK, who had far less net worth and notoriety when they met.

JK Rowling: May not meet beauty standards but a veritable billionaire on her own, one of the richest self-made women of our time. She’s been married to a doctor who is ‘average’ by what I assume your male beauty standards are for decades. Yes, a doctor’s successful, but nothing compared to a billionaire author and mother of one of the biggest franchises of the modern era.

I could go on and on. If the rich and famous do it, the plebs do it (and we most certainly do) tenfold. If you or your friends are struggling in the dating world then there’s something very wrong with your approach

BringBackBrothels · 2025-01-22T23:26:01+00:00

Absolutely nailed it. They just go after the top 10% of men until they’re ready to settle down. Then they start making exceptions.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-01-23T10:05:56+00:00

All the men in relationships who violate several of those criteria disprove you. Like 70%+ of men are not fit enough, most men don't have any money left at the end of the month, most men don't have a high intellect, etc etc.

Kurkzer · 2025-01-23T11:27:28+00:00

Admittedly most of these bitches will still be on dating apps at +40 and saying they "want children".

thetruthishere_ · 2025-01-23T18:10:35+00:00

You could have wrapped this up in three words. Men are thirsty.

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2025-01-23T12:44:50+00:00

They don’t have to look past flaws in today’s world. I hate the power disparity, but that’s how life is today.

That said, if they find the guy attractive enough they will look past a dozen red flags and flaws.

Sholnufff · 2025-01-23T17:59:23+00:00

Here's the flipside of this conversation.

If you are at the best version of yourself that gets a lot of women choosing you, you get to disqualify them:

-baby daddy drama, poor attitude, credit issues, terrible decision-making, toxic lifestyle, not your type, etc etc

MasterAd6260 · 2025-01-22T23:34:55+00:00

This logic is only true for the women that tend to be hypergamous and somewhat feminine.

A lot of women are masculine now and overlook those flaws, especially unemployment if you just treat her nice.

The more flaws you have, the more she will have to fix and brag about to her friends.

Again, this only applies to masculine women but more than half of women are masculine now. So that leaves plenty of options. Low quality options but still.

TinyBlonde15 · 2025-01-23T06:19:11+00:00

I mean ... look around any public space with couples. Most men aren't perfect or supermodels and have a partner. And if it's true they refuse to overlook any flaws then how exactly do we have men and women both all over relationship advice and marriage talking about their issues and looking for solutions? If they just cut and run then they'd never partner up in the first place right?

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2025-01-23T11:53:43+00:00

No. This simply isn't true. They will just not tolerate as many flaws. You are overblowing it by a ridiculous degree.

This has everything to do with desirability and the options you have. Hence why average women can be a bit more picky compared to average dudes.

But at a certain point it levels out and even further down the line it might even favors men.

Sophiatab · 2025-01-23T18:06:54+00:00

This is so much bullshit. In order for a a women to be considered "presentable", she has to look like a model. Most women literally have to starve in order to be considered "presentable." We have to spend thousands of dollars on the upkeep of our appearances. Men just have to be clean. Getting a date as a women is vastly harder than what men have to go through. Most of women don't get dates. Men don't want to date anymore. Men just want to fuck. The only reason some men have "trouble" dating is that they pursue women vastly more attractive or socially prominent than them.

Title	The Reason Getting Dates is So Much Harder For Men Is Women Won’t Look Past Any Flaws
Author	InitialPaths989
Upvotes	198
Comments	1331
Date	January 22, 2025 11:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1i7p5eb/the_reason_getting_dates_is_so_much_harder_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-reason-getting-dates-is-so-much-harder-for-men.1541907 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541907

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